S04.E09: A Mother of a Day

[AuntiePam]

I think too much importance is placed on biological/blood relationships, especially the maternal side.  Bruin's father might have sired other children -- is Brandi going to search them down so Bruin doesn't feel like he's missing out?

There's an age when girls look at their mothers as competition for their dad's affection.  Is that what's going on with Brooklyn?  Maybe Brian needs to pay her more attention. 

It was a good idea for Brandi to get Brooklyn involved in something, but cheer isn't it.  It's just another way that Brandi is "better" than Brooklyn, in Brooklyn's eyes.  Get her involved in something that's her own -- theater, music, art, soccer, whatever. 

Someone up-thread mentioned that Brandi seemed afraid to touch Brooklyn.  I thought that too.  Just put Bruin down, take Brooklyn by the arm, put the scooter away.

And who lets a kid have a lock on their bedroom door?  Maybe later, but ten is too young. 

[TexasGal]

50 minutes ago, Mountainair said:

It was the tiara that was awful! 

All of LeeAnne's jewelry was too much.  The tiara, to me, would always have been over the top.  The bracelet was lovely on its own but too much with the lace/sleeves on the dress.  It would have been fine if she'd had bare arms.  Sometimes, even in Texas, there is such a thing as too much.  I guess she didn't get that memo.  

[LovesTheDrama]

I liked Brandi and Stephanie’s podcast, but didn’t enjoy the prank. I’ve always thought pranks are mean spirited (one person laughing, the recipient trying to figure out what the hell is going on) and have never enjoyed Brandi’s pranks. 

[Mountainair]

51 minutes ago, AuntiePam said:

And who lets a kid have a lock on their bedroom door?  Maybe later, but ten is too young

We live in an old house where none of the doors have locks (we did install locks on the bathroom doors). My kid slammed his door too many times for my liking so I took the door of its hinges until he could get his shit together. 
 

I don’t hit my children but I’m still stronger than them and my kids know I will physically pick them up and put them where I need them to be if they aren’t listening (I lift weights for the health benefits but also so my kids don’t think they can over power me)! 
 

Also good idea about getting the kid involved in something that isn’t Brandi’s thing!

I also agree that Kari is on this show so she can get a divorce. Her husband is hot though! I don’t make money outside of the home but my husband never tries to control what I spend money on. The money he makes is for our family not just him and I’ve never got the impression that Karys husband feels any different. I think it’s just her insecurity and her meal tickets (kids) growing up and heading off to college that have her wanting her own money. 

[RedInk]

I don't think Mama Dee is pleasant or anything, but I just can't fault her for how she's handling the business. My own mother raised me and paid my full college tuition, then paid for my wedding and my home deposit immediately afterward. As she saw it, she set me up for success & then really didn't owe me anything else monetarily. And she wasn't even close to being filthy rich like Dee. I think it's kind of awful that D'Andra grew up with every advantage, went to school on her parents' dime, earns a fat Bravo paycheck and a monthly stipend and has the nerve to ask her mom to bail out this company. Dee's attitude probably comes from shock at how graceless her child turned out. Regardless of the state of the company, Dee built it & D'Andra can invest her own money to rebuild it. Or she can sell & come out even. She reacts like her mother saddled her with DEBT, when really her mother just handed her an opportunity. D'Andra wanted instant cashflow & is fine with telling everyone she's entitled to it. That's a huge WTF to me. It's not like she bought it & is now out all her money! 

Edited October 31, 2019 by RedInk

[biakbiak]

4 minutes ago, Mountainair said:

her meal tickets (kids) growing up and heading off to college that have her wanting her own money. 

Her only children that are close to college Are from her first marriage and he doesn’t apparently pay support.

[LibertarianSlut]

2 hours ago, ghoulina said:

I've cried in front of my kids. I think it's good for them to see emotion. If I hid in the pantry every time I cried, I'd have to move in. But I'd also worry I was teaching them to stifle their emotions. I'm pretty open with my kids. I'll tell them why I'm upset (as much is appropriate for the situation and their age), but reassure them that everything will be okay. I actually thought Brandi did okay with that. It wasn't like she was full on sobbing in front of the kids. 

Right, I agree  it's ok to cry in front of your kids under certain circumstances.  I was saying it wasn't ok to cry in front of Brinkley about a fight with Brooklyn, as that could frighten/unsettle her, and I know this because my sister and I have a similar age differerence, and I am younger, and if my mom was crying about a fight with my sister when I was seven, I would have thought something was really wrong, and that I was somehow to blame.  So I don't think this was appropriate.  Those are the tears I think you should shield from young kids.  If Brooklyn were older and Brandi had to drive her to jail or something, that is a big deal, and it would be ok to cry in front of the siblings as long as it was all explained in depth.

I am from the school that says you don't put too much of a burden on your kids.  They should be minding kids' business.  I think a lot of adult emotion manifests selfishly for kids, when it looks like the parents are just "being open."  Last season on RHBH, Denise Richards decided to film a movie in Miami, which meant she would have to miss her daughter's formal dance, and Denise went to the house where her daughter was getting ready to cry and lament about how bad she felt, ostensibly so that her daughter would reassure her that it was alright.  I thought that was selfish at the time, and I think crying over an argument with a ten year old creates instability for the seven year old who did nothing wrong.  MMV.

37 minutes ago, AuntiePam said:

I think too much importance is placed on biological/blood relationships, especially the maternal side.  Bruin's father might have sired other children -- is Brandi going to search them down so Bruin doesn't feel like he's missing out?

This is such a good point about the bio dad.  Here here.  I think it would be a horrible idea for Brandi to try to adopt Bruin's bio sibling.  That's not his family anymore--the Redmonds are.  Why assume he feels or will feel any connection to this baby?  What if the bio mom got pregnant a third and fourth and fifth time?  Brandi should keep raising kids into her 60s?  Not a good idea from any angle. I am not sure Bruin would even want to be raised with this other child.  My husband was adopted, and he has zero interest in his bio family whatsoever.  He fought enough with his sister growing up.  I'm pretty sure that if his parents took any and all of his bio parents' subsequent children into their home for my husband to have to share all of his toys, etc, he would not want it.  I'm not sure why we would assume Brandi adopting Bruin's bio sibling would be the right thing.  There are so many factors to examine before coming to a conclusion, but just based on the little I know,  I think it's a terrible idea.  Until things can be straightened out with Brooklyn, the Redomnds have no business bringing another child into that home IMO, and even if Brooklyn were to become  a model child, I still think that Brandi has all the kids she is equipped to handle already. 

[Pickles]

A little off topic, but this adds to my dislike for Leeann. She was on WWHL a couple of months ago and Andy asked about the wedding gifts she had received. She said--oh, they are stacked up all over the place. I don't even know who sent what. We haven't opened a lot of them and when we do, we don't even keep track of who gave us what.

So...she surely does not plan on sending one thank you note for those gifts. Doesn't even know or care who gave her what. So rude and thoughtless.

[Dance4Life]

9 hours ago, DivaLasVegas82 said:

I was dumbfounded by the way Brooklyn disrespects Brandi. I can't even fathom what would have happened to me if I told my mother, "I hate you" and then went upstairs to my room and locked the door only to continue talking back to my mother from behind the door. Brandi says she fears Brooklyn will resent her if she disciplines her too harshly. So what? At least she will respect you, and you won't raise an entitled, spoiled, disrespectful brat. Brandi better get a handle on Brooklyn before she becomes a teenager and it's too late.

I honestly think D'Andra needs to dissolve the company her mother started and start anew. I think Dee's company may be too far gone to be saved.

I agree!  We all agree!

D’Andra is NOT a businesswoman.  
 

This is the kind of story we see on ID TV.  Children murder their parents to get their money! Watch out.....Dee!!!!!  😳

[princelina]

12 hours ago, biakbiak said:

But people still watch the programming, when he said that base was no longer there I assumed he meant because they were no longer advertising not that no women watch Christian programming anymore.

They way Christian programming works is the stations sell blocks of time to whomever will pay.  (That's why you find shows of varying quality and  ideas on any Christian channel.)  The snip they showed last night looked like Dee and D'Andra had a half hour "infomercial" block that they paid for.  She could ostensibly do that now, but I think there are better ways to move that company into the 21st century.  Someone has to be willing to do it though 😄 

2 hours ago, Slider said:

That's starting to become a thing, and it's awful!  I've been to four weddings in the last five years that have done that.  It's horrible, takes up an entire day, and since I hate driving all over town, I just find a bar and enjoy drinks with other guests that are just waiting too. 

Yes!  I have sympathized with Leanne a lot because I was an old bride myself, but when I did get married I put all of my experience at everyone else's wedding to good use by avoiding all of the things that people complained about over the years!  Which is why we started the wedding ceremony at 5:30 pm and then sent them straight to the reception for drinks and snacks 😃. My goal was to have everyone think it was the best wedding ever - I guess Leanne just wants everyone to think of her all day as they roll their eyes and complain - it looks like next week when they finally get there there is no food.  Trouble finding a free food donor? 😄 

1 hour ago, AuntiePam said:

Someone up-thread mentioned that Brandi seemed afraid to touch Brooklyn.  I thought that too.  Just put Bruin down, take Brooklyn by the arm, put the scooter away.

In real life I agree - on camera Brandi did the right thing 😉

Edited October 31, 2019 by princelina

[trimthatfat]

9 hours ago, DivaLasVegas82 said:

I honestly think D'Andra needs to dissolve the company her mother started and start anew. I think Dee's company may be too far gone to be saved.

I agree. The company had a good run, but unless they are able to get an investor (and how could they?), D'Andra should cut her losses and move on.

It seems like Mama Dee knew this was going to eventually happen and that she's all too happy to pass a failing company on to her daughter. Very odd and sad.

[trimthatfat]

14 hours ago, breezy424 said:

Five hours between a ceremony and reception?  Huh?  Hey, we're going over to a local restaurant for food and beverages.  Don't be surprised if we don't come back.

I went to a wedding recently where the reception was scheduled to start 4 hours after the ceremony ended. I ended up heading to a restaurant with my boyfriend and friends and by the time the reception rolled around, we were too exhausted and full to go. Ended up back at the hotel for the night.

When there's a gap like that, your whole day becomes about the bride and groom. Yeah, no thanks.

[Stats Queen]

1 hour ago, LovesTheDrama said:

I liked Brandi and Stephanie’s podcast, but didn’t enjoy the prank. I’ve always thought pranks are mean spirited (one person laughing, the recipient trying to figure out what the hell is going on) and have never enjoyed Brandi’s pranks. 

I’m not a huge fan of pranks either.
However, Brandi is so good at voices, keeping the ruse going and is inventive - that part to me is really funny and she has natural comedic timing and doesn’t starting laughing 

[HelloDolly79]

14 hours ago, LibertarianSlut said:

D'andra treats Jeremy the way she says her mom treats her, doesn't she see that?  She thinks Dee infantalizes her, yet she not only emasculated Jeremy, she invites a whole table of people to do it.  You don't sell out your husband.  If he just washes one dish a week, he is "working" and he has a supportive role in the household, and that's all anyone outside of their immediate family needs to know, unless Jeremy's lack of work is negatively affecting D'andra, and then they need to take that shit up with therapist, off camera.  

I've been getting more and more pissed at the way they treat Jeremy and his "lack of working". The man is retired military, he brings in a paycheck. While it may not be millions, its nothing to thumb your nose at. My husband and I are both retired military (I retired the same rank as Jeremy did, my husband one rank higher), and if we weren't living in CA with kids (one who is in college) we wouldn't be working the jobs we are. I would've had a few choice words if I was at the lunch.

Plus, doesn't he do freelance photography?

[nexxie]

Dee seemed like a gaslighting narcissist in that dinner scene - wish Jeremy would’ve called her on it, but get why he didn’t. 

[Stats Queen]

1 minute ago, nexxie said:

Dee seemed like a gaslighting narcissist in that dinner scene -

This is the best description of Dee that I have heard. Not a huge fan of D’andra (except for first season) but I can’t imagine how screwed up I would be if Ded had been my mother

[nexxie]

Brooklyn knows how to manipulate her mother and make her an emotional wreck. When the child says she hates her, Brandi should say, “Guess that means I’m doing my job - we’ll talk later.” (That was my go-to line and it works to disarm them, so to speak. HA!)

[nexxie]

Bruin already has siblings - two sisters. Unless Brian is the father of the new baby, why would Brandi even consider another child when she’s already overwhelmed?

[Baltimore Betty]

Leanne's wedding dress looked very cheap, it was just okay...not $10,000.

[IntrovertRed]

1 hour ago, nexxie said:

Brooklyn knows how to manipulate her mother and make her an emotional wreck. When the child says she hates her, Brandi should say, “Guess that means I’m doing my job - we’ll talk later.” (That was my go-to line and it works to disarm them, so to speak. HA!)

I have a very strong-willed (that's what I call it) 13 year old redhead and while she has never said she hated me (to my face, I'm sure she says it behind my back), she has told me that I'm mean.  Usually I just say thanks or respond with actually, I can be a lot meaner.  This is over stupid stuff usually (like her not listening to me, etc.), but I'm not about to try to appease a 13  year old because the second I give in, it's over.  Now if only my husband realized that... he wants the kids to like him too much and I just don't care.  Guess who the kids go to talk about their day or when they need an opinion?  

Brandi needs to just stop worrying about Brooklyn not liking her and just parent her.  I'm far from the perfect parent, but I really don't care to be their 'friend' or worry if they like me (until they're 18 years old, lol).

I like the new Kary, she's not afraid to speak her opinion or intimidated by anyone.  I much prefer her to the original Kary!

[Keywestclubkid]

1 hour ago, nexxie said:

Bruin already has siblings - two sisters. Unless Brian is the father of the new baby, why would Brandi even consider another child when she’s already overwhelmed?

Some places just try and like to keep siblings together. There are upsides as well with medical reasons and such. If they adoption agency can keep them together they do. She doesn’t have to take the child but the option is there. 

[Pickles]

7 minutes ago, Keywestclubkid said:

Some places just try and like to keep siblings together. There are upsides as well with medical reasons and such. If they adoption agency can keep them together they do. She doesn’t have to take the child but the option is there. 

I understand that, but maybe I am an awful person. If this woman doesn't want to keep her babies, why does she keep getting pregnant? Use some birth control! I can see Brandi taking the sibling baby and then in another year or two--this woman is pregnant again. 

[SunnyBeBe]

When I see a child act out the way Brand's daughter did, it tells me that she is not getting the attention, instruction and discipline when cameras are gone, because a child who knows consequences would not be so bold in her disrespect snd defiance. Even today, I would never behave like that. Plus, I would know there would be terrible consequences at her age. I would say get professional help and focus on her until there is a big turnaround.

A 5 hour break before reception.....lol. Someone is too full of themselves. I'd get a good laugh and pass on that.

[nexxie]

2 hours ago, Keywestclubkid said:

Some places just try and like to keep siblings together. There are upsides as well with medical reasons and such. If they adoption agency can keep them together they do. She doesn’t have to take the child but the option is there. 

Wonder if they try to round up all the half-sibs created by the baby daddies.

[biakbiak]

12 minutes ago, nexxie said:

Wonder if they try to round up all the half-sibs created by the baby daddies.

If they know about them they often do, I know two people who adopted half siblings on the father side when they learned about them. However, it’s less common because the father isn’t always as known/part of the process.

Edited November 1, 2019 by biakbiak

[IntrovertRed]

A 5 hour break before reception.....lol. Someone is too full of themselves. I'd get a good laugh and pass on that.

Y’all are making me feel bad. My wedding had something like that in between reception and ceremony.  Most people just went to the reception.  I tried to get the ceremony later at the church but couldn’t, same with the reception.  I’d do things much different now lol

[biakbiak]

3 minutes ago, KLJ said:

Most people just went to the reception.  I tri

It sounds like your guests were aware that was an option, I don’t imagine that LeeAnne would be okay with people choosing to only go to her reception.

[dosodog]

3 hours ago, KLJ said:

Y’all are making me feel bad. My wedding had something like that in between reception and ceremony.  Most people just went to the reception.  I tried to get the ceremony later at the church but couldn’t, same with the reception.  I’d do things much different now lol

Dont feel bad.  One of the best weddings I attended had a long break. We were in the bride's hometown and she had the wedding near the hotel we were all staying at.  After the wedding, we went tubing down the river for the afternoon. Then we dressed back up in fancy clothes and drank lots of tequila! 

I think they did it that way to weed out the disapproving people of alcohol drinking and shenanigans......

If it had been me at LeeAnne's shindig, I would have got a hotel close by, made arrangements to do something fun or take a nap.  And then head back for the evening party.

Assuming my text arrived to give me time to book a room.😉👍

Edited November 1, 2019 by dosodog

[Baltimore Betty]

12 hours ago, SunnyBeBe said:

I'd get a good laugh and pass on that.

I would just attend the reception and forget about the ceremony.

A number of years ago I was dating a guy who had friends in Parkersburg WV, we were invited to a wedding there, the ceremony was in the morning (in a beautiful Greek Ortho church) and the reception was in the evening, (hours later) at a country club...there is nothing to do Parkersburg so a lot of folks drove to Steubenville, Ohio and shopped for glass. Nothing like dressing and redressing several times in one day, it was sort of how the denizens of Downton Abbey change clothes for every meal during the day, lol.

[Mr. Miner]

17 hours ago, Keywestclubkid said:

Some places just try and like to keep siblings together. There are upsides as well with medical reasons and such. If they adoption agency can keep them together they do. She doesn’t have to take the child but the option is there. 

I think it's wrong to put Brandy in that position unless she contacted the adoption agency. imo

[Jel]

On 10/31/2019 at 6:39 AM, whydoievencare said:

That's a very simplistic view of Brooklyn's behaviour - and so easy to blame everything on Brandi.  We rarely see the husband so have no idea whether he's backing up Brandi or not.  Children also have their own personalities - and I think this is a kid who has problems that require a psychologist or a psychiatrist to come up with a plan for the family - this situation won't improve on it's own.  I actually give credit to Brandi - she was very calm with Brooklyn, continued to make her point, got the kid to put her scooter in the garage and go to her room.  

I agree that kids have their own personalities and that some families require professional intervenions, but in this case, I think it's such an easy fix. 

It's obvious Brandi loves her kids and cares for them, so that's about 80% of the way to successful parenting anyway.  But what I have also observed her doing is saying "No" and then not following up. Don't tell your kid to do something if you aren't prepared to follow up if they don't, that's rule number one.

I'm not personally a fan of "tough love", but I am a proponent of loving boundaries. Families need to have rules for kids' safety. That is not "mean"; it's responsible. Some rules cannot be broken, like riding your scooter in the road. Brandi needs to tell Brooklyn, if you do X, then Y will happen. Then follow through a couple of times. Brooklyn can then stop testing the boundaries so hard (which it is clear she is doing) because she'll have come up against them and know they don't move.

Children feel safer and do better with boundaries in place.

[Jel]

23 hours ago, AuntiePam said:

I think too much importance is placed on biological/blood relationships, especially the maternal side.  Bruin's father might have sired other children -- is Brandi going to search them down so Bruin doesn't feel like he's missing out?

There's an age when girls look at their mothers as competition for their dad's affection.  Is that what's going on with Brooklyn?  Maybe Brian needs to pay her more attention. 

It was a good idea for Brandi to get Brooklyn involved in something, but cheer isn't it.  It's just another way that Brandi is "better" than Brooklyn, in Brooklyn's eyes.  Get her involved in something that's her own -- theater, music, art, soccer, whatever. 

Someone up-thread mentioned that Brandi seemed afraid to touch Brooklyn.  I thought that too.  Just put Bruin down, take Brooklyn by the arm, put the scooter away.

And who lets a kid have a lock on their bedroom door?  Maybe later, but ten is too young. 

Yeah, the lock on a kid's bedroom, no way.  

[Dance4Life]

1 hour ago, Mr. Minor said:

I think it's wrong to put Brandy in that position unless she contacted the adoption agency. imo

It is also wrong to contact Brandi thinking she is the right fit adoption parent for this new baby.

Brandi is unfit to take on another child at this time.  Having money does not mean anything.

Brandi does not even have time to play on the scooter with her daughter! 
 

Stephanie said if Brandi takes on another child.....she will need full-time help.

So, what is the point....

[angelamh66]

That wedding dress was awful. The poofy thing in front was just inexplicable. 

[Keywestclubkid]

2 hours ago, Dance4Life said:

Brandi does not even have time to play on the scooter with her daughter! 
 

t....

If that makes you an unfit parent I’d hate to think of all those parents that work 2 or 3 jobs or those single parents taking care of multiple children and how unfit they are. 

[biakbiak]

15 minutes ago, Keywestclubkid said:

If that makes you an unfit parent I’d hate to think of all those parents that work 2 or 3 jobs or those single parents taking care of multiple children and how unfit they are. 

Not to mention Brooklyn is old enough to be on the scooter by herself, the issue was that she was in the street and not listening to her mother.

[heatherchandler]

On 10/30/2019 at 8:53 PM, Keywestclubkid said:

How fucked up would that situation be tho IRL? getting a call, yea we know you adopted one baby .....just giving you a heads up, oops she did it again....if you don’t take the child they will have a sibling floating out there somewhere that they will never know if you pass it on... WOW 

My friend & her husband adopted a girl, and the mother has since had FOUR more kids, and kept all of them!  I imagine my friend's daughter feels weird about the only one to be given up (it's an open adoption), but she goes on a fancy vacation every month, has every luxury, etc. and the kids the birth mom kept live in a house paid for by the state and are truly poor.  Not saying more money equals better!  Not even close.  But, I would be happy to be the kid in the home with every advantage...

On 10/30/2019 at 10:32 PM, LibertarianSlut said:

I found the name of the podcast "Weekly Dose of BS" unappealing.  That being said, the prank phone call was very funny.  If you don't know the players, though, I don't see how it would be worth listening to.

As much as I don't like Brandi at ALL, I do love her pranks.  When she called that lady Heidi, a few seasons ago, with that creepy voice - I DIED!

On 10/31/2019 at 1:47 PM, nexxie said:

Brooklyn knows how to manipulate her mother and make her an emotional wreck. When the child says she hates her, Brandi should say, “Guess that means I’m doing my job - we’ll talk later.” (That was my go-to line and it works to disarm them, so to speak. HA!)

When my 10 year old boy tells me he hates me (it is not often) I say, "OH NO! Hate me!?  Oh heavens!  I am the worst mom ever!" very sarcastically, which he is just starting to pick up on.  He doesn't like that.  But then he always apologizes for saying he hates me, and I apologize for being sarcastic. 

Edited November 1, 2019 by heatherchandler

[Natalie68]

On 10/30/2019 at 6:53 PM, Keywestclubkid said:

How fucked up would that situation be tho IRL? getting a call, yea we know you adopted one baby .....just giving you a heads up, oops she did it again....if you don’t take the child they will have a sibling floating out there somewhere that they will never know if you pass it on... WOW 

Happened to someone who used to do HR where I work.  She adopted one and then the mom got pregnant again and wanted the baby to live with her sister.  But I am still thinking it is a surrogate situation re Brandy.

[Natalie68]

On 10/31/2019 at 8:06 AM, Slider said:

That's starting to become a thing, and it's awful!  I've been to four weddings in the last five years that have done that.  It's horrible, takes up an entire day, and since I hate driving all over town, I just find a bar and enjoy drinks with other guests that are just waiting too. 

It is incredibly disrespectful of the guests time.  I would go to either the wedding or reception but not both if I had to cool my jets for 5 hours.

[Dance4Life]

2 hours ago, Keywestclubkid said:

If that makes you an unfit parent I’d hate to think of all those parents that work 2 or 3 jobs or those single parents taking care of multiple children and how unfit they are. 

Why would you say that when Brandi is not a single parent or working multiple jobs to pay the bills?

She is a pampered stay-at-home mom..! 
 

[LibertarianSlut]

1 hour ago, Natalie68 said:

It is incredibly disrespectful of the guests time.  I would go to either the wedding or reception but not both if I had to cool my jets for 5 hours.

Yeah, I totally agree, so I was thinking about ways of mitigating against this.  Just troubleshooting.  Ideally the wedding would be at one venue for me. Even more ideal would be to have it at a hotel (which I didn't do, so this is really pie in the sky), because I worry about people drinking and driving.  

The problem with having the wedding at two venues--even without a huge time gap--is that it's a pain for the guests to have to get from Point A to Point B.  Most weddings take place in the summer, and people are hot and they don't want to get in a car and follow Waze after fanning themselves through a long ceremony.  I went to a wedding once where the reception followed the ceremony, only the reception was a good 45 minutes' drive from the ceremony, and there was no organization--I would up riding with strangers--and it was really a really awkward buzzkill.  (Everyone in that car was so stressed that we started ordering cash drinks as soon as we arrived--we couldn't even wait for the open bar.  I think if the drive from the church is more than 10 minutes, it's on the wedding couple to arrange transportation for their guests, but that's just me).  I think guests should be treated like people who spent a lot of time and money to be there for me, and as long as they behave within reason, they should have every convenience extended.

So even though it's my preference that everything happen at the same venue, there are people who want to get married in their church, and I would never begrudge them that. Maybe people who want to get married at two separate venues should do what D'andra did--just don't invite people to the ceremony.  I remember she did this, because at the season one reunion, Leeanne and Cary were fighting over who was closer to "D'andra Simmons," and Cary said she was at the wedding and Leeanne retorted that she was at the ceremony (!!!), rendering Cary speechless.  Having actually learned something valuable from this petty exchange, I would suggest only inviting really close friends and family to ceremony--people who would be upset if they didn't see you get married--and, because there is that odd person who does enjoy a ceremony, maybe put on the invitations something like, "ceremony to be held earlier in the day / please inquire with us if you would like to attend" and then the bride could tell the person on the phone, or through email, or whatever, the ceremony will be five hours earlier, and they can decide for themselves.

I think that might solve the problem.  Give the guests an out for the ceremony. Even though some people are able to make lemonade out of lemons, it's problematic to ask people to celebrate you twice in one day, at two separate times, unless you're paying them cash IMO 🤔.  I wonder if Leeanne would have gone the way of D'andra if she wasn't fighting with D'andra.  Probably not, because Bravo was filming the ceremony, so of course, hundreds of people needed to be there to genuflect. 🙄

I'm not one to judge--I made so many mistakes about my wedding, that I beat myself up just about every day,  And I'm appalled at the way guests are sometimes treated, so I don't plan on attending another wedding, perhaps ever.  I have horror stories.

@amarante, Stephanie was on WWHL and she basically confirmed exactly what you have been saying about D'andra's "trust" this whole season--that it's not D'andra's trust, that D'andra can only touch it when Dee dies, so you were right.  I just wanted to put that out there, because you have been tireless in explaining the damn thing.  

@Ghoulina, I posted upthread that parents being so open with their kids was oftentimes selfish, and I wanted to make sure you knew I wasn't talking to you; I was talking about things I've seen on these shows, and, I remembered that something weird like the Brandi crying over her fight with Brooklyn happened to me when I was exactly Brinkley's age--my dad called my mom a witch on a vacation to Florida, and my mom was sitting in the corner of the hotel room crying--and I thought they were both assholes for ruining innocent little girls' (my sister's and my) night on vacation because they couldn't get their shit together, and if my mom was going to cry, she could have gone into the bathroom or taken a walk, and maybe that's why the scene made me mad at Brandi.  I was over-empathizing with Brinkley.  

I don't think parents should ever argue in front of their kids, because it's scary, but at least it's between people who supposedly have a power balance.  I think the reason I got so put-off by Brandi crying over a fight with a ten-year-old in front of a seven-year-old is because the seven-year-old should take comfort in the fact that the mom is in control of the kids, and if the mom is finding a ten-year-old to be a formidable opponent, the boundaries are nowhere near they need to be, and and, as someone pointed out upthread, kids thrive on boundaries.*

*I'm just speaking from my experience as a former kid, not making an argument from authority.   I'm not a parent, nor do I have any special knowledge about early childhood, so please take it all with a grain of salt.

[Keywestclubkid]

1 hour ago, Dance4Life said:

Why would you say that when Brandi is not a single parent or working multiple jobs to pay the bills?

She is a pampered stay-at-home mom..! 
 

Actually no she’s not she has a business that’s been shown on the show . Do you think she just sits around all day ignoring her children? We are getting snippets of all of these woman’s lives. Even if she is just a stay at home mom you have to know how difficult that can be with a preteen a child right behind her and a kid under a year old right? She isn’t just sitting around eating bon bons she has no nanny’s no support other then her husband. Saying she’s just a pampered stay at home mom even tho she’s not devalues all stay at home moms. It is a FULL time job. 

Edited November 1, 2019 by Keywestclubkid

[SimonSeymour]

On 10/30/2019 at 8:53 PM, Keywestclubkid said:

How fucked up would that situation be tho IRL? getting a call, yea we know you adopted one baby .....just giving you a heads up, oops she did it again....if you don’t take the child they will have a sibling floating out there somewhere that they will never know if you pass it on... WOW 

This happened to my parents in 1977. A year and a half after they adopted me. My mom wanted the second baby, but dad was growing his small business and only wanted one child. They got divorced a few years later, in part because my mom couldn’t forgive him for not agreeing to take the baby. 

Fast forward 35 years, and my state opened its adoption records for the first time. I got a letter from the department of health informing me that I have a full biological sibling who had also been placed for adoption, asking if I wanted his or her contact information. BRAND NEW INFORMATION for me!!! After confronting my parents separately, the whole story finally came out and I was SO ANGRY at my dad. I’ve since gotten over it, because I know he made what he thought was the best decision at the time. But, damn! How I would have loved to have grown up with my sister, rather than having been an only child!

But the positive that came out of it is that I now have a new best friend, who is also my actual sister. 🙂. 

[goofygirl]

I wouldn't be able to do an all day, all night wedding.

[Mondrianyone]

3 hours ago, Keywestclubkid said:

she has no nanny’s no support other then her husband

We saw her hire a nanny after they adopted Bruin.  Do you know that she no longer has that nanny?

[Keywestclubkid]

6 hours ago, Mondrianyone said:

We saw her hire a nanny after they adopted Bruin.  Do you know that she no longer has that nanny?

have we seen her since? 

[Dance4Life]

9 hours ago, Keywestclubkid said:

Actually no she’s not she has a business that’s been shown on the show . Do you think she just sits around all day ignoring her children? We are getting snippets of all of these woman’s lives. Even if she is just a stay at home mom you have to know how difficult that can be with a preteen a child right behind her and a kid under a year old right? She isn’t just sitting around eating bon bons she has no nanny’s no support other then her husband. Saying she’s just a pampered stay at home mom even tho she’s not devalues all stay at home moms. It is a FULL time job. 

You said this.

13 HOURS AGO, KEYWESTCLUBKID SAID:

If that makes you an unfit parent I’d hate to think of all those parents that work 2 or 3 jobs or those single parents taking care of multiple children and how unfit they are. 

Yes, compared to these (real life) scenarios you wrote ......that I am replying to.........Brandi is a pampered stay-at-home mom!

You work yourself into a tiff because you keep bringing up other scenarios.....that are not part of the show!  

Last time you went off on people that had an opinion about Brooklyn’s sassy mouth.

Now, this week....more of us are feeling Brooklyn’s growing pains and commenting on Brandi’s parenting style.

So, I guess nobody can give their opinion on Brooklyn or Brandi.  

‘Brandi has no other support other than her husband!’ Well....are you devaluing a husband’s role??  
 

Calling someone a pampered stay-at-home mom is not devaluing motherhood.  
 

It sounds like you were making a reference to Peg Bundy?? With the bons-bons  and ignoring her children.   Is this what you thought??  🤣
 

[nexxie]

20 hours ago, angelamh66 said:

That wedding dress was awful. The poofy thing in front was just inexplicable. 

It looked like someone pinned a giant tablecloth to the front of her dress!

[Mondrianyone]

6 hours ago, Keywestclubkid said:

have we seen her since? 

Well, no, because we almost never see any of the HW nannies, as I'm sure you know. That doesn't mean she doesn't exist.

[bichonblitz]

14 hours ago, Keywestclubkid said:

have we seen her since? 

You said yourself we only see snippets of their lives so it's plausible the nanny is still there.