That is a good question! I have never thought of those two things as competing ideas, but I suppose they are, at least to a degree. For me, I usually assume people are good until they show me otherwise, and sometimes they show me otherwise right away and I ignore it, while chastising myself for "being bitchy" or "judgy". I bet it has a lot to do with something like how we all score on a personality, like the Big Five for example, and what side each of us tends to naturally err on based on personality traits. Missing "someone showing me who they are" reminds me that I can be gullible, and I get mad at myself for ignoring the God given evolution selected (as you see it, maybe both) gift of intuition and reading non-verbal cues. And it Erika's case, the actual verbal cues, like the fact that she came right out and said she was cold and seemed very pleased with herself for being "cunty". I remember thinking that she was likely just saying that because she was defensive and worried that the other HWs wouldn't like her, so she put up a wall of fake coldness and "cuntiness" as her armor. Turns out, nope, that wall was actually a window. Whoops Jel.