Sun-Bun

Seriously. That was truly Carrie Bradshaw at her most melodramatic and obnoxious worst: “Get me out of here, I can’t breathe, I can’t BREATHE!” STFU, Carrie—-you tricked a sweet and loving man into nearly marrying you.

Somehow I’m guessing there’s a ghost writer heavily involved here. I can’t imagine when she found the time to “write” this book in between her schedule of traveling, promoting, partying and podcasting...I hope I’m wrong! Otherwise, seems like a funny idea and kudos to her for actually having the balls to create and follow through on such a fun idea.

That’s what I loathe the most about crazy Marlo: she’s the biggest label whore I’ve ever seen on reality TV! It’s so gross, especially when most of that overpriced shit looks so godawful on her anyway. Typically bougie mindset with her and most of these reality stars: “if I can afford things made by a high end designer, then it proves I’m a classy rich person!” Nope. Truly wealthy folks don’t need to flaunt endless labels or brag about how much money they’ve spent on their stuff. So Marlo can take a seat right along with RHBH’s Dana/Pam of the $25,000 sunglasses infamy. On the flip side, I love that Cynthia always looks so effortlessly amazing and is just as comfortable in vintage clothes/everyday basics as haute couture. I’m so sick of the endless Porsha focus. Why is she the star of this show now? I may have to stop watching soon because it’s gotten nauseating at this point. She’s not cute or interesting, just pathetic and desperate. Also, Eva is way too extra this season. I’m not liking her latest tough chick routine.

Kathryn did get a recent boob job...I think the foobs are way too big for her frame and make her look heavier—-the same thing happened to Brittany on “Vanderpump Rules” after her own unnecessary boob job. Brittany and Kathryn are naturally curvy girls, so they did their figures no extra favors by plopping on ten extra pounds of breasts to their frames. That being said, it’s so rude the way people actually go to Bravolebrity social media accounts and physically pick them apart. But good on her for being mature enough to not snap back and merely state, “okay, yeah, I put on some weight.”

Really enjoyed this far more than I thought I would too—-I’ve been a sucker for Connie Britton after her time on “Nashville” and she’s playing this role just as naturally. She’s plays her character as so sweetly naive, yet desperate enough for the romantic dream in her head to overcome her good sense. HATE the older daughter...I think the actress playing her needs to dial it down a notch or 12 and not come off as such a hateful snob from the start. Obviously the show wants the character/actress to overdo her initial disdain so that John’s character seems a bit more likable and sympathetic in the beginning, but I still don’t think this actress has enough charisma to pull off her doubtful nature without coming off like a spoiled bitch. Time will tell, I suppose. Loved all the great scenery and home decor porn...Connie’s wardrobe is perfectly Cali-girl chic. Really digging this creepy turn from Eric Bana so far! I’m shocked over how skinny he’s gotten in recent years, but I think he’s still pretty damned handsome otherwise. Not hard to believe that an older broad would fall for his slick charms. I already know the true story so none of this is a surprise so far, but I can’t wait to see how it all unravels eventually.

Yyyyyuck!!! What planet is Ashley on, romanticizing their weird year together like that?! So gross and tacky...and she pretty much is reviled by a national television audience now thanks to him. On the flip side, I’ll admittedly miss him on the show, gross and abhorrent as he is—-he made me laugh so many times...like I was just in Asheville, NC this week and had to chuckle at the memory of T-Rav terrorizing the locals throughout that entire episode of the crew in that city, such as him drunkenly hitting on some young hipster chicks on the street(after which Whit desperately herded him away), yelling out at a bar “Is that bluegrass? I fuckin’ hate bluegrass!”, or the classic line he uttered at that gal who sneered at his advances: “I won’t bite you, vampire!” He has some golden moments. Sadly, I dunno if the show will be nearly as interesting without him and his seedy buddy JD around to keep things extra weird and gross.

I feel your pain, @bmasters9! I got a similar Postmates issue recently that truly disgusted me. I’d hungrily ordered a pizza for my husband and me; over an hour later, still no pizza, despite my delivery person having shown on the app that she had picked up the pizza and was on her way. So I called the Postemate delivery person, and her phone was turned off. Then I called the pizza place, and they confirmed that a woman from Postmates did indeed come in and pick up my pizza. Her phone remained turned off, yet my app claimed that she was “on her way.” It remained that way for the rest of the night and we never got our pizza—-so that bitch ate our goddamned pizza!! How ratchet is that?! I got refunded from Postmates, but I was so annoyed that I couldn’t give that food-stealing delivery person a bad rating on the app. Makes me wonder how many of those delivery people regularly get away with stealing food orders. On the flip side, another time I ordered some Chinese takeout and the driver delivered it to the wrong condo in our building. Instead of the delivery person going back and picking up the food from where he left it(later claimed that he couldn’t remember which unit it was), the restaurant sent another order our way. And I wasn’t as annoyed by the dumbass delivery person who didn’t speak English and couldn’t answer his phone, but was far more annoyed by the trashyassed person in my condo building who gladly claimed and ate my food order. That’s just tacky AF. I dunno, maybe karma is somehow telling me that I’m doomed to a lifetime of stolen food orders.

Is it bad that part of me would love to see that Carrie would end up like this? Widowed and left to deal with the financial mess that she made thanks to her designer wardrobe obsession?? Probably not a great way to end such an otherwise great series though. Sounds like total grief porn; didn’t we get enough of that pity partying from Carrie with the first movie?! This makes me respect Kim C’s decision to bow out all the more; she’s in her 60’s now and has no desire to become some aging Mae West-like caricature of Samantha. She has no interest in hanging out with any of the cast either; maybe she’s just an elitist bitch who feels the other actors/material are beneath her. Hey, it’s totally her right and I think the other actors know the series just wouldn’t be as good without her.

I’m still a Carole fan, but I am a bit disappointed by how she professionally backslid more with each successive season of Real Housewives. She was actively writing and promoting her writing career in the first two seasons, but by her third season she obviously was all out of fucks and it showed—-somehow she thought it’d look cute that she was skipping deadlines and not pursuing more writing gigs because she was too busy riding bike handlebars and posing as a carefree hipster maven. I honestly think the money and opportunities started coming in way too easily and she got swept up in the weird world of reality stardom. She forgot her true self and started playing more of an onscreen character archetype, enjoying all the invites, publicity and perks of the job. ”Writer Girl” lost her identity and forgot how she even got the gig, it seems. I know she’s at her retirement age now and maybe she’s content to live the easygoing and carefree lifestyle she’s earned(after all, she had a rather hectic career for 20+ years before the show), but I hope we see glimpses of her former self and she somehow gets her groove back. I think she’s a talented writer and has a unique author voice when she has the motivation and proper platform to fully express herself.

Team Kandi here too, @Jel. Her family may be annoying and she’s a pushover with questionable taste in men herself, but I’ve always appreciated her laidback behavior and sensible nature, plus her big heart—-not to mention I truly respect what a talented and successful businesswoman she is. Of course she’ll never be tight with Porsha again even though they’re “cool” now; that was a pretty gross and damaging accusation. Obviously she can’t trust that gal and she has good reason; she totally has her number. Not to mention that their Atlanta social circles are rather small and Kandi probably knows all the dirty little secrets and serial players in that scene. I don’t blame her for questioning the validity of this instant romance with the local hot wiener king that Porsha’s pushing so hard. As for Porsha herself, it baffles me that she continues to behave so poorly on and off camera and continues to be a regular cast member. Maybe it’s just me, but I’d say her physically assaulting another co-worker is far worse and more dismissal-worthy than Phaedra spreading false gossip about another co-worker.

Me too, @Rosiejuliemom: NE/BBD was among the soundtrack of my middle school years—-I have one too many happy memories of bopping around to some NE or BBD at parties and events...Mr. Devoe was responsible for singing along to some fun hit songs. Not so much for Mrs. Devoe, who somehow seems to think that her own group wasn’t just a bargain basement SWV/TLC——I’d be so tickled if one of the cast members actually called her on it(back in the first 4 seasons, NeNe would’ve had a field day with that). I’m glad that Porsha appears to be back to her harmless bimbo persona, but I’m still wondering when she’ll find her next adversary this season. Just when I think she’s namasted herself back to video vixen inner-peace, the editors helpfully remind us that this is the same psycho who literally attacked another cast member, has been arrested for assault and isn’t afraid to go straight hoodrat on a bitch. She’s not as harsh and sinister as Marlo, but I’m not buying her syrupy sweet “thot with a heart of gold” routine either—-Eva in particular better watch her back and not get on the wrong side of the ashy police.

Isn’t it true that you can’t get lip injections for too many years, because after a while your lips will lose their natural elasticity and gradually become loose and shriveled like a balloon? I shudder to think what Kylie Jenner’s will look like by the time she hits her golden years(among her many other plastic enhancements)... I give Bethenny kudos for good, subtle enhancements in recent years. The woman used to literally have a giant jaw that gave her a shovel-faced look, droopy bug eyes and patchy hair, so time and money has served her quite well; now if she could just fix that wonky boob job, she’d be A-ok. The entire NYC bunch definitely has the best/most refined plastic surgery of all the RH casts.

YES, Speidi!!(Spencer Pratt & Heidi Montague) That’s such a brilliant comparison, @SuprSuprElevated. They’re definitely the OG version of Spencer & Heidi, right down to the mutual desperation to appear on random reality shows and the pathetic little press releases. Spencer essentially crashed “The Hills” to woo Heidi and all the girls on there hated him a’la Slade; Heidi used to want to be a popstar/has an obsession with unnecessary plastic surgery/facial fillers a’la Gretchen. Both pairs were essentially booted from their respective shows because the rest of the cast couldn’t stand their fake asses anymore. Although Speidi had the lavish onscreen wedding that I’m sure Gretchen & Slade still covet and Heidi just had their first baby within this past year, so Speidi are definitely winning at the famewhore couples game so far.

Admittedly, I’m one of those folks who couldn’t fathom not having more than one crapper per household; if I lived alone I’d consider it, but since my husband and I both have eerily similar potty schedules and we also regularly entertain, a two toilet home is a requirement for us. Plus, I think I still have PTSD from when a girlfriend and I were roomies in a 2 bd/1 bth apartment in college and we both somehow got hit with food poisoning at once...let’s just say that while one of us was locked in the potty unloading all sorts of waste, the other was left to desperately go about her own similar business in the kitchen sink. I think after that gross experience I made my mind up that I’d *never* be left without an extra potty nearby again. I’m fairly low-maintenance otherwise and couldn’t even imagine owning a home over 2000 sf. As long as I have my two toilets, a safe place to park and a decent closet or two, I’m content. Are the women on this show getting more demanding about “craft rooms” than they used to be? Seems like I’m hearing this demand even more lately than the dreaded “man cave” request.

That’s one thing that begrudgingly fascinates me still about Gretchen and Slade: together they are both just such a disgusting duo of tackyassed kitsch. From his sleazy radio DJ/comedian gigs, to her gaudy styling and makeup/popstar dreams, they’re just so hilariously try-hard and gauche...and such famewhorey bullshitters to boot. Their thirst is so real and palpable. Her tacky townhouse videos still make me guffaw—-it’s every bit as hideously basic bitch-styled in there as it always was, which makes me think they’re not really as high falutin’ as they desperately try to pretend they are to their far richer buddies(how they managed to befriend some of those folks in their circle is beyond me)...maybe her deceased ex bought it for her?

SNORT!!! The shade is real: thanks for that. So aside from her hot little body, Shamari don’t impress me much, although I’d love an ounce of her insane confidence; she actually thinks she could share a stage with Beyoncé and JayZ, bless her heart. So her thirsty thot self married and bred with the ugliest member of New Edition—-good for her, I guess? And Blaque, well, they were pretty much a random little pet project of Lisa “Left Eye” Lopez...or a dollar store version of TLC, basically. I don’t even think of them as One Hit Wonders because they never really had a singularly known, huge hit....this was the remix that Kandi worked on for them(and you can even hear Kandi’s background vocals): That was hella weird that there was no mention of the deceased third bandmate though. Speaking of weird, what’s up with Eva this season? I haven’t seen Eva the Diva since her ANTM phase...I’ve kinda missed her sassy self though. Guess she was told to ramp up the bitchy quips a bit. However, I still get annoyed when younger RH’s feel the need to age shame older RH’s—-that’s just so unfair and uncalled for. Terrence Howard-lookin Eva only wishes she was half as naturally gorgeous and elegant as Cynthia Bailey; she’d be *lucky* to look as stunning at age 51 as Cynthia does. NeNe seems strangely composed when dealing with poor Greg...I’m guessing she chooses to lose her brave face when the cameras aren’t rolling. I wish them the best—-I’d be such a mess if I was having to go through that same scenario with my own husband.

If you guys haven’t seen it yet, you *must* check out this fantastic, revealing article on the entire show/cast posted this past Friday at Vogue.com: https://www.vogue.com/projects/13547011/babes-in-pump-land-vanderpump-rules-bravo/ Not only did they include funny little behind-the-scenes videos of the chucklefucks throughout the article, but there are some interesting tidbits scattered throughout the article, such as: -Schwartz is the friendliest of the entire cast and the one you should approach first. -Jax is probably the least amiable of the cast and the most intense one as well. -Brittany is the sweetest of the bunch and claims she’d never even watched the show before meeting Jax in Vegas. -James sees himself as the villain of the cast and is gladly willing to be “the next Jax”. -Stassi has a magnetic, spirited personality, while Katie is the most chill of them all(probably thanks to her newfound love of gummies). -Scheana wants to be on the reboot of “The Hills.” And in all the gross yet expected things, Scheana apparently hangs out with Slade & Gretchen:

I say that I cannot *wait* to see Ramonja spar with Jill—-they always were basically frienemies from the first season, so it’s likely ON. That said, I always hated how Jill was the great dividor in this cast...hope that doesn’t happen again.

Probably her hunky new fella...definitely NOT Austen!

Imagine my surprise to see Chelt-see’s home featured on Apartment Therapy today! https://www.apartmenttherapy.com/southern-charms-chelsea-meissner-boho-home-tour-264227 It’s a lovely place that exudes her beachy chic vibe indeed; but really my style but I appreciate its understated casual elegance. Interesting to see if it’s renovation will be featured on the show at all.

So T-Bag just drunkenly posted/deleted this pic on his Instagram today: This was actually from a polo match today...apparently both parties were a HOT MESS as usual and got into it after all the booze kicked in. Never mind that he has been “bad mouthing” the mother of his children from the moment she gave birth.

Me too, @WhosThatGirl!! But then again, I only had this godawful pathetic awards show on as background noise while I finish up some work here...I was more shocked just to see the casts of all three of the nominated reality series actually *there*...isn’t the whole longtime joke behind the People’s Choice Awards the fact that only the winners actually bother to show up?! Just made this cast look as pathetic as the Jersey Shore bunch, although it was kinda funny to see how excited they all were when the camera panned to their table as their nomination was announced; methinks the Tom’s had been hitting the open bar fairly hard by then. Also, is this People’s Choice shit for real? Why is Nikki Minaj winning multiple awards?? People actually still listen to her??? I honestly thought her 15 minutes were up as soon as Cardi B stole her thunder. Anyway.

Thank you kindly! And I actually *finally* had a run-in with the MANBUN about town at a Halloween event here, no less. He was all painted up, biceps bulging, and posing for selfies with gaggles of gals; he seemed like a nice enough dude and all, but nothing more than that. Say something nice time: as boring and basic as this lame show’s equally lame cast is, I dare say the cast of “Southern Charm Savannah” is even more sad/pathetic than this bunch.

Like an earlier poster already asked about here, I’m just as perplexed over how LeeAnne manages to afford her lifestyle. She isn’t as openly wealthy as the other broads(her house obviously isn’t as nice, for starters), but obviously she lives well enough to afford designer outfits/accessories/beauty treatments and to hit pricy charity events...how’d she end up involved in that world as a carnie outsider anyway? I’m assuming her pageant lifestyle gave her a taste of that world and she desperately clung to it along with all those connections she made via pageant networking...but what’s her actual career and how’s she managed to support herself beyond just appearing on this show?

Ugh...I actually miss Kenya. I’ll take twirling, shading Kenya any day over the boujie thirst of trashy Porsha chasing after yet another rich black man who somehow fell for her gaudy charms. Homegirl needs to dial it down about 12 notches; she’s almost unrecognizable from her first season, when she at least had a shred of class and sense about her. Obviously her first hubby kept her in check and made sure she didn’t constantly act/dress like a music video ho.