Sun-Bun

Thanks so much for that wise advice, @DeLurker; true enough, mom and brother are indeed the type of folks who immediately assume the negative about *anything* and are just generally unhappy people. Even today when I finally got her on the phone, she then started picking apart my finances and the fact that I surely can’t afford my lifestyle/travels because I’m “in serious debt”(she thinks anyone who has a mortgage/car payment is “in serious debt”). Bro just agrees with her and feeds into her weirdness because she considers him the Golden Child and is more useful to her/thinks he’s smarter than me...and he conveniently inherited her mother’s house while she still lives in the house her mother bought her. So of course I’m “in serious debt” to them since I actually paid for my own house/car. I should add that my mom has an ongoing drinking problem—-she no longer drives drunk(thank god), but she doesn’t have an off switch once she gets to drinking, and has had various injuries due to this. I’ve quit drinking with her socially for that reason, but another reason I don’t like to travel with her anymore is because suddenly I have to play babysitter if I dare enjoy a drink and she’s there with me. Putting my foot down on this kind of behavior so far hasn’t worked, but I’ve at least limited my exposure to her more harmful behaviors in recent years. Appreciate you all listening and reading, btw; this is much cheaper than therapy!(which I’m honestly considering treating myself to this year)

Thanks so much for this, @BookWoman56; I remember reading some of your older threads on that very topic earlier in this specific forum. So sorry that you’re still having to deal with the godawful messy younger sister whom no one likes; doesn’t she also have a history of drug abuse/stealing drugs from family members?(hope I’m not confusing your story with someone else’s awful younger sister here) Either way, I wish you luck on future dealings with her and I truly appreciate your attitude about life—-you seem to have a very good outlook and idea on how healthy family relations need to be. Quite frankly, NO I wouldn’t hang with my mom and brother I’d they weren’t my only immediate family members; I just don’t hang with negative, nitpicky assholes as a rule. My husband has as little interaction with them as possible and it’s been very healthy for him than when he initially tried to win them over years ago. Wish I could do the same, but I am thinking as a resolution for the new year that I’ll need to distance myself more and be a little stealthier about sharing my plans and future doings with them. Thanks for the food for thought.

Since it’s the holidays and this is often the toughest time for those of us who have to deal with dysfunctional family members, I’ll join in on all the sharing fun here. As my husband jokes, I’m pretty much Marilyn and the rest of my family are “The Munsters;” it’s just my mother and my brother left from my side of the family, but both of their socially-stunted selves get even weirder this time of year. My brother is a divorcee with no kids and has never had an emotionally healthy relationship since then, ditto my mother. They distrust everyone, don’t have any real friends and are freakishly private, especially about people coming into their houses. Like I can count on my hand the number of times I was “allowed” to have friends come over to my house as a child; my mom refers to my husband of 11 years as “company” still and often makes excuses to not allow him or anyone beyond my brother and me inside her house. So due to the fact that my mom and brother are both such socially-stunted freaks, my husband and I are left to either split town or meet them at a local restaurant for Thanksgiving/Christmas dinner. Which is fine, but sometimes I’d like to just enjoy something for the four of us at home—-I LOVE being a hostess and am often left to host dinners for them in my 1200 sf loft, even though they both live in 3 bd/3 bth large houses. And of course the 12 minute drive to my place is “soooo far out” for them both. This year as usual, neither of them offered to do a damned thing or even consider hosting Christmas lunch at their houses, so of course I gladly told them to come over to my place for the big meal, which they begrudgingly did. Mind you, hubs and I have an ongoing tradition of hosting friends/his extended family for cocktails at our place every Christmas night. My mom and brother were late getting there and then lingered at our place for a bit over 3 hours, when my husband politely let them know as he started to clean our place up that they were more than welcome to stay, but we were having more guests over in an hour and needed to prep. My brother then quickly herded my mom up and left in a huff; the next day he chewed me out on the phone claiming that he “felt rushed and disrespected” and that it was “shitty” of me to have a Christmas meal for them first and then have guests over later because I should’ve reserved that entire day “just for our family.” What bullshit. I just said “I’m sorry you feel that way, I certainly didn’t mean to offend you, but thanks for a lovely Christmas.” Now my mom is pouting at me/ignoring my calls because I’ve been in New Orleans the past three days to ring in NYE with my hubby and some in-laws. Because how dare I have any fun without her—-I literally can’t ever discuss my trips with her because she tells me I’m “rubbing it in.” She always wants to come on every trip with my husband and me, but never mind that her seventy-something self can barely walk half a mile, she gets snippy/bitchy/demanding on trips, and she’s picky about what we do and especially where we eat(basically she has the eating habits of a small child). So much for a mom just being happy for her daughter and son-in-law enjoying life together...obviously I’m just having a good time to hurt her, right? I’ve had friends tell me over the years how toxic my family is and that I should just cut them off for good. It’s not in my nature to be so cruel, but sometimes I wonder if I’d feel much happier and freer if I were able to finally cut them loose and not have to fall victim to their own ongoing emotional issues.

Awww @SuzyRhapsody, thanks for that update on your daughter; I’ve been following this from afar and have appreciated your openness and honesty here as you deal with all this. I’m not a mother myself and wish I’d had a mom as emotionally healthy and mature as you appear to be(I’ll post more on that hot mess later); for what it’s worth, you certainly sound like you’ve been a loving and devoted mother who’s learned the hard way that some parental relationships need to evolve as children grow into adulthood and establish their independence. That being said, you’re a model of patience and tolerance...I certainly couldn’t hold my tongue so easily if I had a daughter as disrespectful and immature as yours has acted. I know we were all dumb 18-year-old’s at some point, but bumming around like a teenybopper and still aimlessly hanging out with the skater/rocker crowd with no ambitions otherwise is just so disappointing. Does she have any career goals at all? Any interests beyond just finding losers to hang out with?? Because now *I’m* worried that she’ll inevitably end up knocked up and crawling back to you to support her and her unplanned new baby when the baby daddy inevitably splits(because unplanned pregnancies aren’t exactly a cool sitch in the skater/rocker scene). Hopefully she’ll learn to value herself and realize that her life is worth far more than just serving as an ongoing ornament for random dudes—-sounds like she needs to learn how to function as an adult ON HER OWN and not desperately cling to men for some sense of stability and purpose. Hate to say it, but it sounds like her dick excuse of a father only reinforced her sad need to cling to loser guys. Hang in there and know that you’ve done your best though! You tried tough love and it’s certainly not easy for either party; it can often be heartbreaking and very lonely/isolating, which you’ve obviously experienced. I hope your daughter somehow wises up in time without making *too many* serious mistakes, as experience is often the best teacher. Most of all, please take this time to rebuild your own life and get used to your new normal. The fresh pain of a suddenly empty nest is so real; my mom tearfully begged me to move back in with her after one of my three attempts to move away throughout my late teens/early twenties. But you have to establish your own life now that she’s officially flown out of the nest for good. Enjoy your new home and pour your heart and soul into decorating it and making it your personal sanctuary. Join a few local groups and/or maybe explore some new social options in your area, maybe treat yourself to a new class or two, volunteer somewhere in your community or adopt a new hobby....just find anything to busy yourself and your mind so you don’t have too much time to obsess on the sudden new void between you and your daughter. This is the toughest time right now, but it DOES get easier!!

Now that’s just fucking rude. Maybe it’s how I was raised, but it’s really bad manners to ask a friend/acquaintance about one’s NYE plans and then discuss your own party plans if you’re not offering a social olive branch. That’s why you always follow up with a “feel free to join us/stop by”, otherwise you sound like you’re smugly rubbing your own fun plans in people’s faces just to be a douchewaffle. I’m not a big fan of NYE silliness myself, but my husband and I have hosted a few NYE parties in the past and always made sure to welcome anyone who wanted to drop by. No one should have to be alone on a major holiday if they don’t want to be alone.

Agree so hard on this!! Even though I find her thirsty/tacky AF(her extremely immobile Botox face creeps me out so much), Gretchen is still a beautiful blonde with a rockin bod and a bubbly, fun personality; she has always ran with an upscale circle of varied folks too, so it’s not like she was hard up for good husband material. She could’ve hooked up with another nice rich old guy like Jeff and been living large. So how she ended up wasting her best years by hanging her hat on such a gross, dorky deadbeat dad like Slade Slimey is beyond me. She must really, genuinely love that loser.

I’m a bit perplexed as to why Thomas hasn’t been shown in any of her social media lately. I thought for sure the kids would at least show up on his social media or he would show up in Kathryn’s IG stories, but it’s been radio silence from him while she’s been posting like crazy with the kids as usual. Just curious...

This is why I’ll never fully co-sign on the Cult of LaLa, because she thinks she’s some badass West Coast gangsta ho, when she’s really just some random midwestern skank who got lucky. Look back on her hilarious indignation over being called “basic”—-how dare someone call her out on her raw, obvious thirst after she’d so carefully cultivated such a clever LaLa character! Yet the whole reason she wormed her way onto this show was due to her slinking into events uninvited and making the other gals uncomfortable with her desperate sluttery while flirting with the entire male cast. I have to wonder if she’s still sincerely pursuing music/acting or were these just passing ambitions/opportunities she indulged in before she finally landed a rich daddy? Hopefully she’ll be okay when her looks fade and she becomes a typical LA plastic surgery addict, because this whole crass persona she’s adopted otherwise won’t age well either.

Nope, I dunno what’s up with that link; just a meme pic I uploaded from my collection. Sorry about that!

Oh hells yeah, sorry to hear about your ongoing neighbor frustrations, @peacheslatour; somehow this time of year really up’s the ante on assholish neighbors’ loud activities. Like the loudmouth with no inside voice in the loft next to mine decided to start yammering on his phone around 8ish this morning while I attempted to sleep in. He might as well have been in bed with my husband and me, the way his voice was booming through our radiator vent into our bedroom. Never mind his incessantly hacking smokers cough I hear every night, even over my earplugs. My sentiments to the poor bastards who have to deal with that loud dicklick this holiday season. On the other side is the asshole adolescent with dippy new-agey parents(aka they’re *not* disciplinarians) whom I’ve had to listen to meltdown ever harder than usual at this time of year since they adopted his ass 9 years ago. After his raging, stomping 20-minute shit-fit last night as I sipped egg nog and attempted to relax and watch TV, I hope he gets nothing but a dingleberry-covered lump of coal this year. Or a straightjacket. And maybe a good child psychologist/meds, because that kid is nuts. Sorry to sound all Scrooge-like; I actually love the holidays. I just can’t take rude assholes who get even ruder around this time. And @ALenore, I feel ya on the pointless one-star reviews online, books or otherwise; one of the many reasons I follow the hilarious website www.bitchywaiter.com is because he lives to publicly disgrace those morons on his site who leave such idiotic reviews on Yelp or Facebook. So many people have no idea just how harmful those reviews can be for local business owners! I actually had a few back and forth’s with one such moron at Yelp who left a one star review for my friend’s restaurant because “phone was busy throughout brunch service.” Um, just because your dumb ass can’t get someone on the phone during a restaurant’s peak hours, does NOT give you the right to completely diss an entire restaurant you didn’t even eat at or visit!! Reminds me of this sad-but-true meme: On that note...happy holidays, everyone. Keep venting and being the best you can be otherwise.

Oh god, I was snorting at that scene! Between Thing 1 googling how to actually start a “food business” and Thing 2 trying to cut hunks of cheese in a bowl, I thought I was watching a couple of dumbassed kids playing in their mom’s kitchen. This seems like a stupidly random business idea to pursue(especially since Brittany’s meemaw is so annoyingly thirsty), but I wish them well on the beer cheese biz. Another episode of Scheana pretty much alone in her own weird little world...honestly, she’s almost a non-factor on this show now that she doesn’t have a man around to annoy. FI really has gotten full of himself now that he’s got the new bar going. I appreciate his attention to detail with interviewing bartender candidates, but no need to interrogate/grill everyone to the point of awkwardness. Speaking of awkward, James is way too old to be weeping to his boss to not fire him. Pull it together indeed, man; what a baby. And indeed, Raquel is still a dumbass.

I still wonder if Craig ever got that $10k or 15k check back that he stupidly wrote out as an “investment” in that whole supposed Gentry business of JD’s. Or maybe it was all just for show? Probably not. Betcha in hindsight that Craig’s so glad that he never got that opportunity he once desperately wanted to run that lowlife’s liquor biz.

I’m guessing they overly aged her just to make her look more like she actually could be old enough to play Connie Britton’s mom—-isn’t there only a 15 year age difference between the two actresses in real life?

I just can’t get over that hideously tacky “Bubba” painting over Katie and Tom’s sofa. Stupid, twee and tasteless—-that’s the kind of shit you see hanging in a college dorm room, not in a grownassed 30-somethings’ married couple apartment. It’s a shame because that’s a nice apartment layout and it has some potential there, but it’s got way more minuses than pluses, what with all the crap currently stored in there. Yeah, none of these guys’ apartments are much to look at; Stassi and Kristen probably have the nicest looking places, both looking mostly clean and tastefully decorated. Brittany really has made her current place with Jax look nice, but I just don’t dig their overall unsophisticated style of decorating. Scheana’s little shrine to herself was always so creepy; just like higher education, nice home decor obviously doesn’t interest her.

I share your pain, @tinkerbell: serial shirt ruiner here too. Although as a D-cupped lady, it’s only natural that my boobs have become stain-shelves and crumb-catchers over time. I sometimes joke that I store nice leftovers in my cleavage; it’s getting less funny as I get older and my shirts get spottier.

So I don’t ‘get’ Arianna Grande: I hate her Lolita-esque hooker-baby style and big fake ponytail, I hate her breathy mush-mouthed squawk singing, I hate her generic pop drivel, I just am NOT a fan. Whatever, I’m obviously not her intended audience anyway. Yet I heard her latest pop drivel online the other day(“Thank You, Next”) and didn’t automatically hate it like all her other cutesy singles. Although there’s one stupidly clunky line in that song that’s especially ridiculous: “I’m so fucking glad that you’re my ex.” And that bugs me about a lot of radio-driven drivel: why do cheesy pop stars insist on adding f-words to their singles? I don’t mind swearing in hip-hop and Rock, but what’s the purpose of adding a clunky curse word like that to such an otherwise harmless single for a pop princess with middle schoolers who listen to her cheesy music? Is adding the f-bomb in a song supposed to make Arianna Grande seem more edgy and adult?? Because it’s going to get edited out on the radio anyway, so why even bother?! She could’ve just as easily added “I’m so damned glad that you’re my ex” and it would’ve sounded just as good and not as weirdly edited/cut on the radio version. I guess I’m still butthurt that Britney actually got slack for her harmless little “It’s Britney, bitch” line back in ‘07, yet doughnut-licking whoredoll AG gets no hate.

I hear ya, although I do understand why Scheana gets the brunt of the “no loyalty to anyone” blaming—-FI and Arianna at least seem to genuinely care about the others folks they’re friends with, and make a point to hang with them organically and support/fight for them when necessary. FI has often defended James and/or Jax whenever no one else would, as evidenced by James singing FI’s praises for being like a brother to him in this episode. Whereas Scheana is all about protecting her own self-interests and hanging with whomever will tolerate her and listen to her drone on and on about her own life. She won’t fight for anyone unless she herself feels threatened and she mostly sticks with friends who fawn over her and will therefore ensure her more precious screentime. Two episodes into this season and she’s barely registers, which tells me that she’s not a regular friend to anyone in the cast and is being pushed into a lesser role—-and as others here have said, it’s very telling that the rest of the cast all hangs out together on social media/outside of the show and yet she’s hardly ever included. She was brought into the show/into the bar as an outsider and still doesn’t seem to know how to blend in with this cast. In other news, James is totally relishing his role as the “villain” of the cast now that Jax is on his redemption tour this season. Half these antics he pulls are to obviously secure his bad boy status and ensure screentime. Also, I think he and Raquel totally have an arrangement for the show—-either it’s an open relationship and/or she’s his beard. Either way, she’s dumb as a bag of hair and is boring/lame AF too.; I’m not enjoying her expanded role this season at all. More Beau and Stassi indeed, please—-he’s a keeper! And a kind gentleman underneath his goofy exterior. As for Stassi on WWHL tonight...yuck, she looked so orange and cheap. Too much everything and she needed a total makeunder—-not a good look on her at all.

Seriously, what a total waste of DNA and a pathetic excuse of a life. Look how many other people’s lives were ruined thanks to his evil existence; at least he had two seemingly happy and normal daughters who are leading healthy and productive lives(thanks to his absence from their lives). He’s a true sociopath who didn’t choose to use his powers for good. I was cheering inside when Debra was packing her shit up to get the Hell out of there; not only did she realize that was she married to a con artist, but a drug addict. That should’ve been grounds for instant anullment right there.

@Stan39, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend any of these shows, but there have been several attempts to recapture that magic VR formula—-“What Happens at The Abbey” was the E! channel’s obvious copy in 2017. I never watched it but it must’ve sucked since it didn’t get a second season and almost any of the garbage on that channel seems to get picked up. Which brings me to the grossness that is E!’s “Very Cavilleri”, a shitshow I only watched because it’s filmed here in my city of Nashville—-somehow it got a second season, and it’s basically Kristen Cavilleri in the LVR role as she runs her shitty vanity boutique and oversees all her hired help/assistants. There’s one particularly thirsty bitch on there who essentially is doing the Stassi S1-S2 schtick. And then there’s Lindsay Lohan’s upcoming reality show on MTV in January, “Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club.” I’m gonna hate watch that shit just so I can see what kind of slimy douches LL would hire to work in her club.

Yep—-you can’t compromise on children vs. Childfree. I nearly dumped my now husband over the issue when we were first dating; I was willing to let a man I had fallen deeply in love with go over it, because it’s selfish and cruel to string someone along otherwise. If Audrina doesn’t ever want kids, she needs to nut up and be honest with Sandoval; she seems like she just tolerates him out of habit now, but I honestly don’t see any true love there so far. He just seems to worship her because she’s the hot smart/cool girl...it just amazes me that they’re somehow still together.

Remember the past season, either the 3rd or 4th, when Stassi had moved up to NYC to live with Patrick and they’d just moved to LA in that snazzy new apartment together? Her smugness was off the charts when she was first with him and she was just trying to reinvent herself as a style blogger/jewelry designer(and launched her now defunct Style By Stassi website). And apparently because Patrick thought he was so “above” the show and he refused to be on it or acknowledge it, she felt the same way and burned bridges with nearly everyone at SUR, talking about how evil everyone was there and then stomping out of the season finale party claiming she was “done” with everyone. Funny how she crawled right back onto the show with all her desperate forgiveness-begging from everyone the very next season, after Patrick had dumped her the first of many times. Even funnier was when James totally called her out on that at the season reunion. I often wonder now if she’d have stuck to her guns and finally quit the show/ditched the SUR crew if her relationship with Patrick had actually stuck and he had remained as adamant about not appearing on the show. Hell, I’m still wondering how a gross douche like him had such a psychotic hold over an otherwise strong gal like Stassi for so long—-she must’ve been completely dickmatized or something by that loser. That said, Beau is adorable and I’m so glad she finally came to her senses and is learning how to maintain a healthy and functional relationship. He seemed a bit subdued on this episode, but it was his first onscreen appearance with her on the show so he was likely just a bit nervous and unsure of how to present himself. I have no doubt that he’ll come into his own with every new episode....either way, I’m so thrilled for those two and really understood Stassi’s immense, tearful happiness over their sweet new relationship—-as a gal who had also wasted years with her own various Patrick’s, I remember being that tearfully giddy over first dating the sweet guy who became my future husband too. Damnit, but I totally teared up over Jax’s simple but heartfelt proposal; proposals don’t have to be elaborate or fancy, after all. And what a gorgeous ring—-although I don’t buy for a minute that Jax actually paid 70k for it; he likely got at least a 10-15k discount on it for the free publicity. And if those two are happy, then I’m happy for them; Jax really seems to have matured and gotten a nice sense of perspective since his father passed, so it’s great that he at least recognizes that Brittany is the kindest and most loyal gal he’ll ever be able to rate. Hope he sticks to the plan and doesn’t stray or go back to his old gross ways...although undie gifts to his buddies does raise my eyebrows a bit... Sandoval really needs to chill on the Botox; he looked a bit waxier than usual this episode. Scheana just looked so desperate and sad...and not in her usual amusingly self-absorbed/Robsessed way. She really doesn’t fit in with the cast at all anymore, does she? LaLa’s gross black hair is yucky. It harshens her look a bit too much; she needs to go back to the soft buttery highlights. I barely noticed the rest of them.

Seriously; what’s up with the desperation to look like every other home that’s “in” for a few short years? So basic. Like my husband and I just bought a slightly bigger loft down the hallway from our current one in our building(can’t wait to move in there next month!). It’s in a historic former factory building that was rebuilt in 2008, mind you...the loft itself is all exposed brick/metal pipes, dark cabinets, black granite countertops, metal tile backsplashes, stainless steel appliances...very 2008, right? Who cares?? The place still is very beautiful, sleek and modern—-yet I’ve had two folks already asking me when I’m going to swap out the black granite countertops for quartz, replace the cabinets with white or gray, and add white subway tile. Why do I want a perfectly lovely and functional kitchen to aesthetically reek of 2016?! Ugh...I hate trendy home decor.

Oh you’re making me blush now, @Duke2801, thanks!! ;) I just did a few lesser known music video/student film/local commercial appearances back in my acting/modeling days over 15 years ago—-and even at my skinniest(size 4) at 5’8, I still looked “bigger” than other tiny gals onscreen with me. Glad I’m no longer competing for those roles, because professional acting was terribly subjective and often brutal...and I like food! Speaking of food, Kameron doesn’t need to consume any more of it onscreen ever again. She’s chews like a goddamned goat...or worse, former RHofNYC Carole Radziwill. Now if I could just understand her creepy allegiance to LeeAnne, that’d be great. Team D’eandra all the way here. And speaking of LeeAnne; holy freakyface, Batman...that bitch still be cray. She was so creeping me the fuck out at the party, talking to herself alone at the table in the back just after giving Brandi her snarling demon-faced evil-eye and pushes. Brandi was obviously poking that bear and trying desperately to flip her bitch-switch, but I still think LeeAnne is the one who needs to realize just how scary she is. Never thought I’d come around to liking Cary so much; she and Stephanie completely won this episode for me. Cary was the picture of grace, sanity and cool in the face of LL’s sheer fuckery, while Stephanie was the epitome of sweetness personified, just trying to be a kind and gracious hostess and a friend to everyone. I’ll admittedly miss these gals; they’re oddly endearing and refreshing compared to the other cities. Like RH of Potomac and NYC, I like their willingness to naturally try harder and engage in the funnier hyjinks.

Hahahhh!!! As amusing as this statement is, I truly do believe D’Andra is indeed a size 6. As a size 6 former onscreen actor myself, I’ve seen how much the camera truly does add pounds; we’re so used to watching insanely skinny women onscreen whose sizes range most 0-2(like most of these Real Housewives) that the ones who are actually more real life-sized and/or curvy seem thicker/huge in comparison. She looks to me like an actual size 6 gal who simply doesn’t dress in the most figure-flattering items onscreen. See also NeNe Leakes, that thicker new gal from the OC cast Emily, Vikki/Shannon from OC, Brittany/Katie from VR, etc...

You’d be shocked. Some people may have high IQ’s and brilliant heads for business, but their EQ’s are often so low that their social/romantic lives are complete messes. Reminds me of my sister-in-law—-shrewd businesswoman who was smart enough to work her way up in her field from age 18 to 60 and retire early with a fantastic pension and a fab home/car to prove it; but after three awful marriages to cheaters and endless failed relationships with similar sleazebags, it’s obvious that the poor woman simply doesn’t know how to pick a good man. She’s attracted to losers and has a fantasy ideal of what “love” truly is. Or I’m guessing homegirl can’t admit to being so easily dickmatized. My guess is that Debra was so similarly dickmatized and swept up by John that she didn’t want to know the truth about him and simply chose to ignore all those red flags. She probably rationalized in her head that somehow their love would prevail and one day her daughters would learn to love John like she did too. She probably thought she was just blocking out the haters, bless her heart.