S09.E08: How Can I Trust You?

[gonecrackers]

Amber seems immature enough to just want to be able to say she had a lot of sex with someone "hot" (or what she thinks of as hot).

Edited August 3, 2019 by gonecrackers
emphasis added

[Desert Rat]

4 hours ago, humbleopinion said:

So sad I know this...

Sarge has been married thrice.

The first one was a 23 year marriage to Dennis resulting in 2 sons Cooper and Ryder.

The latest one was a long distance relationship of 9 years before she and Fred tied the knot.

Fred has since moved to Seattle to live on the horse farm with his Lilliputian.

Thanks for sharing this.  While she certainly has a lot of experience, it doesn't sound like she has had great success. Frankly, I doubt think anyone can be an expert at "marriage." People can be trained to give good advice, sure.  But marriages are highly complex relationships. An outsider can never understand the unique dynamics of a particular marriage.  Even children can never really understand their parent's marriage.  

[psychoticstate]

Ugh.  Amber, girl, you are clearly in a codependent relationship.   While Matt's excuse for taking off his ring might make sense, not answering his damn phone, returning your calls or even texting DOES NOT.   From the apartment cam, it looks like he left around 1:30 pm.  He returned home, at least in front of the cameras, a full 24 hours later.  NOT.  ACCEPTABLE.   Were I Amber, I would have packed my shit and left.  

Where was Pastor Cal on this?  He needed to give Matt the smack down he gave Luke last season.    And Amber doesn't need to be married; she needs therapy.   She has abandonment issues and codependency issues.  Being married isn't going to fix either.  

Matt clearly has relationship/intimacy issues.  He needs therapy too.

Elizabeth and Jamie are doomed.  They both fight like teens, with threats and walking out.  Honestly, I thought Jamie's biggest issue wouldn't be exactly what Elizabeth does (because nepotism, duh) but the extremely inappropriate relationship she has with her father.   WTH was up with her going zero to 60 when Jamie wanted to have an honest discussion about how he wanted the marriage to work and needed her to be serious at times?   And straight up white Caucasian sex?  What is that?  

So Deonna and Greg are finally physically intimate but then Deonna makes it sound like she doesn't want to have sex that often?  Huh?   Greg seems like a doll.  Hit that, girl!  

I'm sorry to see that Keith's grandma passed away.  While Iris definitely overreacted about Keith's friends drinking their juice, I think Keith is right that it's part of Iris' only child syndrome.   The fishbowl game with a question about favorite sexual position is pretty cruel, knowing that Iris can't answer that.  Seems that the card game Deonna and Greg played would have been a better choice.   I think Keith was being very honest in saying that Iris' virginity is a concern for him but I think Iris is taking it as if it's a deal breaker.   Maybe there was some editing done but she should have asked him to clarify his concerns.  Is he concerned because she  may never want to be intimate?  Is he concerned that he will hurt her or disappoint her?   What?  

Iris and Keith have to be the most physically beautiful couple to have appeared on this show.

ETA:  Why does Amber's hair always look so stringy and dirty?   I find myself asking why she's headed somewhere when she just got out of the shower and her hair is still wet.  

Edited August 3, 2019 by psychoticstate

[STRIDER1]

6 hours ago, humbleopinion said:

Amber knows that he's not gonna stay married to her.  Matt knows. The crew knows.

She has 2 options...

Sleep with him as much as possible to change his mind to stay

Sleep with him as much as possible because for at least a minute she is bonding with someone else on an intimate astral plane...she craves intimacy...

You forgot a 3rd and more sinister option buddy . . .

Amber getting knocked up on purpose to keep matt in the marriage, assuming he will feel forced/compelled to stay and now must also be a daddy as well.

Yikes !!! thats a super scary thought huh? mind blown hahaha

Edited August 3, 2019 by STRIDER1

[humbleopinion]

Yes, baddest, worstest, too horrible to imagine form of manipulation...it made my stomach flip flop and the fumes of bile backdrafted out my nose.....

[seasick]

I admit I fast forward a lot through Greg and Deanna's segments but I'm starting to like her sort of shrugging attitude toward the whole married thing for now and I actually think Greg's digging it. At least for now. I'm not sure what the whole every other month conversation really amounted to. Doubt if it was serious. I also have a problem with anybody being asked on national TV no matter what the circumstance what's their favorite sexual position. Mine is keeping the details of my sexual intimacy private. It's really doesn't Foster any true intimacy when you're blabbing it to the entire world. if Iris  was was grossed out it was likely by the question and I'm with her and believe me I'm no virgin

By comparison the other two couples jumped right  in sexually. All that intimacy right off the bat can be kind of off-putting after a while. You could see that Matt was freaked out by Amber's throwing herself at him. And frankly I think Jamie has a little perv in him despite claims of boring Caucasian LOL sex yeah whatever that is. And it was a low blow to say it in front of the cameras. And Elizabeth knows that. She's a mess and I'm really surprised they picked her for this show.

[Elizzikra]

Quote

Amber getting knocked up on purpose to keep matt in the marriage, assuming he will feel forced/compelled to stay and now must also be a daddy as well.

Matt could circumvent that plan by getting some condoms from Keith. They live in the same building - it's more convenient than 7-11!

[Desert Rat]

1 hour ago, Elizzikra said:

Matt could circumvent that plan by getting some condoms from Keith. They live in the same building - it's more convenient than 7-11!

But Keith only has three left.  Matt needs another supplier cuz Amber won't settle for three. I'm sure Greg has extras. Better idea, the Ramblin Man should get a vasectomy and call it a day. 

Edited August 4, 2019 by Desert Rat

[Delta Blow]

I’ve never missed a season of this show, and am a longtime reader of the forums. That said, this is my first post. I literally made an account because I was tired of talking to myself about this nonsense when I have revelations about one of these poor saps. 

So I couldn’t stand Big Chard in the beginning, finding her attention-seeking mannerisms and general actions and behavior to be histrionic and just plain annoying. I was surprised at how much I really, genuinely disliked her, almost contemptuously; like it was dumb how annoying I found Elizabeth.  

I think my problem with her is I understand many of her behaviors too well.  She wants to be everything: “quirky” (and girl, you’re not quirky), life-of-the-party, “spiritual” (moon water, tf?), but she hasn’t mastered either mature communication or the sheer basics of adult life. It was telling about her that her greatest fear was Jamie leaving. As a woman of 51 now, I was thinking, damn, she’s only 30, and I get it—I wasn’t 100% emotionally stable or secure at that point either, but I had a decent job and supported myself... That said, I was insecure about not finishing college (at that point), my job felt unimportant, I was insecure about my weight, and everything else possible—it was well disguised by an over-the-top, annoying presence. I think I had a little bit of Elizabeth. A guy like Jamie could’ve crushed me, and you would’ve never known I was that vulnerable on the outside. A guy like that will amplify BigE’s insecurities within herself. When he took that shot at her about her education, it hit close to home—to me 20some years ago. I’ll cut her some slack because it must be difficult to be her, but really, they are a mess together. 

[Desert Rat]

1 hour ago, tvtubebaby said:

I’ve never missed a season of this show, and am a longtime reader of the forums. That said, this is my first post. I literally made an account because I was tired of talking to myself about this nonsense when I have revelations about one of these poor saps. 

So I couldn’t stand Big Chard in the beginning, finding her attention-seeking mannerisms and general actions and behavior to be histrionic and just plain annoying. I was surprised at how much I really, genuinely disliked her, almost contemptuously; like it was dumb how annoying I found Elizabeth.  

I think my problem with her is I understand many of her behaviors too well.  She wants to be everything: “quirky” (and girl, you’re not quirky), life-of-the-party, “spiritual” (moon water, tf?), but she hasn’t mastered either mature communication or the sheer basics of adult life. It was telling about her that her greatest fear was Jamie leaving. As a woman of 51 now, I was thinking, damn, she’s only 30, and I get it—I wasn’t 100% emotionally stable or secure at that point either, but I had a decent job and supported myself... That said, I was insecure about not finishing college (at that point), my job felt unimportant, I was insecure about my weight, and everything else possible—it was well disguised by an over-the-top, annoying presence. I think I had a little bit of Elizabeth. A guy like Jamie could’ve crushed me, and you would’ve never known I was that vulnerable on the outside. A guy like that will amplify BigE’s insecurities within herself. When he took that shot at her about her education, it hit close to home—to me 20some years ago. I’ll cut her some slack because it must be difficult to be her, but really, they are a mess together. 

Well said.  Although by 30 I was well educated, married and had a good job, I was very insecure and vulnerable. I would not have been able to handle the pressure of my life and my flaws being recorded and broadcast to the world. 

[seasick]

Who is Big Chard?

1 hour ago, tvtubebaby said:

I’ve never missed a season of this show, and am a longtime reader of the forums. That said, this is my first post. I literally made an account because I was tired of talking to myself about this nonsense when I have revelations about one of these poor saps. 

So I couldn’t stand Big Chard in the beginning, finding her attention-seeking mannerisms and general actions and behavior to be histrionic and just plain annoying. I was surprised at how much I really, genuinely disliked her, almost contemptuously; like it was dumb how annoying I found Elizabeth.  

I think my problem with her is I understand many of her behaviors too well.  She wants to be everything: “quirky” (and girl, you’re not quirky), life-of-the-party, “spiritual” (moon water, tf?), but she hasn’t mastered either mature communication or the sheer basics of adult life. It was telling about her that her greatest fear was Jamie leaving. As a woman of 51 now, I was thinking, damn, she’s only 30, and I get it—I wasn’t 100% emotionally stable or secure at that point either, but I had a decent job and supported myself... That said, I was insecure about not finishing college (at that point), my job felt unimportant, I was insecure about my weight, and everything else possible—it was well disguised by an over-the-top, annoying presence. I think I had a little bit of Elizabeth. A guy like Jamie could’ve crushed me, and you would’ve never known I was that vulnerable on the outside. A guy like that will amplify BigE’s insecurities within herself. When he took that shot at her about her education, it hit close to home—to me 20some years ago. I’ll cut her some slack because it must be difficult to be her, but really, they are a mess together. 

Welcome to the forums Tvtubebaby

[Delta Blow]

Accidental double post. 

Edited August 4, 2019 by tvtubebaby
Learning curve.

[STRIDER1]

35 minutes ago, seasick said:

Who is Big Chard?

Big Red Chardonnay is who she means   . . aka

Daddys Little Girl, the inventor of basic caucasian sex and collect a paycheck just for waking up without actually showing up for work and apparently also a UTI magnet lol

The list just goes on and on and on and . . . . . . . . . .

Edited August 4, 2019 by STRIDER1

[Delta Blow]

17 hours ago, psychoticstate said:

And Amber doesn't need to be married; she needs therapy.   She has abandonment issues and codependency issues.  Being married isn't going to fix either.  

Matt clearly has relationship/intimacy issues.  He needs therapy too.

Elizabeth and Jamie are doomed.  They both fight like teens, with threats and walking out.  

On such a deep level does Amber need therapy. Matt cannot fill that emptiness. It appears that though her mother left the family, she still had an identical twin, a solid father, and a seemingly present and loving extended family; if they couldn’t soften her loss, she’s in La La Land to think Matt, with his limitations (or anyone, really) could heal her. 

Really, I think they could all benefit from some manner of therapy, with the exception of Greg, Keith, and Deonna. Greg’s got it; he’s been there, put in the work, and seems to be rolling with Deanna’s process. Greg’s a just a quality person, a class act in so many ways; I hope it works out for them.

Deonna, though we were initially led to believe that she was living in isolation, dating herself, she revealed that’s she was essentially living a (I’m not going to say situat...no, I can’t) lifestyle of a newer generation, and was relatively unfulfilled. Her personality has grown on me, and I think she’ll be fine. 

Keith didn’t come into this needing therapy, but as time goes on, I may reassess.  

I’d like to suggest that if they’re going to house all of these couples in the same complex, they might also have an on-site therapist, a concierge service, if you will... Basically the experts would be on-site at the Honeymoon, and live in the complex during this radical social experiment. They’d be on hand to swarm, swarm when Elizabeth gets her feelings hurt and Jamie got passive-aggressive. They’d be there to swoop in when Matt didn’t come home, thus preventing Amber from calling her dad...Dear God, Amber. I’m sure her school district offers mental health coverage, and I say with love,  that she, of all, should run, not walk.

Edited August 4, 2019 by tvtubebaby
Because Deonna has grown “on” me, not “in” me

[Kareem]

Welcome @tvtubebaby to the best of the forums -

[Gem 10]

On 8/2/2019 at 9:49 AM, humbleopinion said:

 The more Keith gets to know Iris he is seeing more indications that she is not ready for sex...at least not in the timeline of the experiment.

Whatever the circumstances that made Iris to remain a virgin and whether she decides to reveal them is to be seen.

Keith will continue to go along with the pretend marriage and be a safe haven for Iris to play house.

They will stay married at Decision Day but divorce later.

Keith adjusts and accepts the arbitrary rules Iris has about the mundane things in life with no push back...he doesn't seem to sweat the small stuff...and it is all small stuff at this point...

 Wonder what Iris' rules are for...

Laundry...do the face towels touch the body towels in the hamper? Different hampers?

Are the inside clothes washed with the outside clothes in the same load?  Different hampers?

Outside clothes cannot become inside clothes without washing but do inside clothes become outside clothes as soon you cross the front door plane?

Maybe just to retrieve a FedEx package on the porch or does the 3 Second Rule apply?

 The possibilities are endless..

Post coital rules...The drill has not been executed but are ready should the occasion arise..

Fitted and flat sheets, pillow cases get pulled and replaced with a freshly laundered set of linens. Iris is not gonna put up with a wet spot in the bed...no sir....

Shower and fresh pajamas? Brush, floss, waterpik? Of course!

We need a whole episode of Miss Iris' Rules to Live By.....with off camera reactions from Keith shaking his head, slapping his head in disbelief, hold his head with both hands, covering his eyes, chuckling knowingly....I'd watch that

Iris might have OCD and think sex will be messy, dirty, whatever, and take a shower and change clothes, sheets afterwards.  She looks the type.

[Delta Blow]

Quote

3 hours ago, Kareem said:

Welcome @tvtubebaby to the best of the forums -

Thank you! Some of these holy unions won’t end well, and I’m here for it!

[qtpye]

On 8/2/2019 at 7:34 PM, RaeSpellman said:

Isn't doggy style a basic, normal, go to position now? Watching the scene my impression was that Iris' response was very Iris and Keith's answer was trite.

On 8/3/2019 at 3:01 AM, STRIDER1 said:

It seems that there is a growing consensus here that keith is very chill, ultra laid back, so relaxed and yadda yadda yadda lol

So I went back and re-watched the last episode to see if that was a valid point and what really caught my eye was this poster that he had hanging in the living room right behind iris during most of their documented interactions. Iris 80's hairstyle was blocking most of it usually and u can only see bits and pieces as she moved around here and there.

But thru some not so hard work and kick ass clever tv sleuthing on my part, I was able to eventually find that same poster keith had up on his living room wall.

It totally makes so much sense now as it seems that this is his visual constant daily reminder of what his strategy/endgame might be. 😛😛😛

This is brilliant!

23 hours ago, Sterling said:

There are so many great posts here that I want to quote!

Amber is showing her neediness and extreme low self-esteem by crying hysterically until the moment Matt walks in the door, offers the lamest apology ever, has sex with him, and suddenly starts defending him.  If she were my friend IRL, I'd smack her.  

Amber has the cutest body around, with all that working out, she has a nice career, she has a close bond with her sister, and seems like a really nice girl.  But she accepts horrible treatment, giving all her money to the one guy, offering herself up on a silver platter to Matt, who took off his ring "to play basketball" but conveniently forgot to bring it with him, and oh....who conveniently forgot to come home, or even text.

And you know what?  Even if he had called or texted, no, I don't think it's cool that a married man stays out all night.  Not cool at all.  If he's getting that trashed that he can't Uber himself home, there's a bigger problem.

We saw in a Preview earlier in the season that Matt's friend tells Amber that Matt was with another girl.  Hopefully, that will be shown soon.  My money's on that he was out with someone else, and maybe she wouldn't give up the goods, so Mr. Nobody came home horny, which is why he lamed/faked an apology to get Amber to accept him into the bedroom so soon.  Or he just did it to shut her up.

Not coming home for a night is one thing, but.....2:00 pm the next day?  Without so much as a call?  Amber should have bolted the door from the inside.  I know I would.

14 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

Matt could circumvent that plan by getting some condoms from Keith. They live in the same building - it's more convenient than 7-11!

I really do not want to be crass but was there not an assumption that Iris has given and received oral stimulation during her previous relationships? I knew someone who was quite religious in college and this how she circumvented the whole ”stay a virgin till you’re married thing”. Sorry, for the tmi (by the way, her boyfriend had no complaints).

Also, Matt could not get condoms from Keith, since all Keith’s boxes are empty and he has not had the need for a refill.

10 hours ago, Desert Rat said:

Well said.  Although by 30 I was well educated, married and had a good job, I was very insecure and vulnerable. I would not have been able to handle the pressure of my life and my flaws being recorded and broadcast to the world. 

I think both you and the original poster was helped by being tremendously self aware and independent. Elizabeth is being enabled by her daddy who wants his daughter to be dependent on him. This has stunted her emotional growth and maturity.

[LilaFowler]

I almost wish that AJ from Philly were on this season to call Matt out for his poor treatment of Amber. I don't think anyone on this season has the balls to do it. Dr. Pepper and her Stern Face just aren't going to cut it for me. I need someone to lay a smackdown on him in a real way. Whatever issues you have experienced with your family, none is an excuse to treat others poorly.

[gonecrackers]

10 hours ago, tvtubebaby said:

I’d like to suggest that if they’re going to house all of these couples in the same complex, they might also have an on-site therapist, a concierge service, if you will... Basically the experts would be on-site at the Honeymoon, and live in the complex during this radical social experiment.

They're too busy 'matching' other victims couples for the next clusterfuck season.

[Delta Blow]

39 minutes ago, qtpye said:

I think both you and the original poster was helped by being tremendously self aware and independent. Elizabeth is being enabled by her daddy who wants his daughter to be dependent on him. This has stunted her emotional growth and maturity.

I also wanted to put in the @Desert Rat quote you referenced, but I couldn’t figure out how to post the quote in a quote. Learning curve and all. This is why, after weeks of contempt, followed by contemplation (I’m a teacher with summer thinking time), I am cutting Elizabeth slack because she’s double-screwed, and she doesn’t even know the extent. Maybe she’ll be ok because she’ll always be in that bubble supported by daddy, and she’ll never really hit the skids (financially, I mean. She’s forever skid-bound in the love department without pro-help). It’s weird, but I think it’s a thing. Right, wrong, or otherwise, we were taught that to support yourself is the first and foremost responsibility—and emotional state? Ha! Pay your bills, conduct your business, and don’t bitch. There were no princesses and no crybabies in our house. 

Edited August 4, 2019 by tvtubebaby
Autocorrect just doesn’t understand.

[watchingtvaddict]

16 minutes ago, LilaFowler said:

I almost wish that AJ from Philly were on this season to call Matt out for his poor treatment of Amber. I don't think anyone on this season has the balls to do it. Dr. Pepper and her Stern Face just aren't going to cut it for me. I need someone to lay a smackdown on him in a real way. Whatever issues you have experienced with your family, none is an excuse to treat others poorly.

AJ was the best for pointing out production machinations. He just wanted to be married and he felt like the show was getting in the way of happiness. I respect him for that and am happy he is happy with Steph and steph seems happy with him. 

[Soup333]

35 minutes ago, qtpye said:

I really do not want to be crass but was there not an assumption that Iris has given and received oral stimulation during her previous relationships? I knew someone who was quite religious in college and this how she circumvented the whole ”stay a virgin till you’re married thing”. Sorry, for the tmi (by the way, her boyfriend had no complaints).

Also, Matt could not get condoms from Keith, since all Keith’s boxes are empty and he has not had the need for a refill.

I think I remember Iris using the term technical virgin? Maybe? By this time they have to have discussed what she’s done/willing to do. 

Re: the condoms, Keith emptied his box by packing the remaining three for the honeymoon. So he should still have them to gift to a husband who needs them. 

[Lily247]

21 hours ago, psychoticstate said:

Ugh.  Amber, girl, you are clearly in a codependent relationship.   While Matt's excuse for taking off his ring might make sense, not answering his damn phone, returning your calls or even texting DOES NOT.   From the apartment cam, it looks like he left around 1:30 pm.  He returned home, at least in front of the cameras, a full 24 hours later.  NOT.  ACCEPTABLE.   Were I Amber, I would have packed my shit and left.  

Where was Pastor Cal on this?  He needed to give Matt the smack down he gave Luke last season.    And Amber doesn't need to be married; she needs therapy.   She has abandonment issues and codependency issues.  Being married isn't going to fix either.  

Matt clearly has relationship/intimacy issues.  He needs therapy too.

Elizabeth and Jamie are doomed.  They both fight like teens, with threats and walking out.  Honestly, I thought Jamie's biggest issue wouldn't be exactly what Elizabeth does (because nepotism, duh) but the extremely inappropriate relationship she has with her father.   WTH was up with her going zero to 60 when Jamie wanted to have an honest discussion about how he wanted the marriage to work and needed her to be serious at times?   And straight up white Caucasian sex?  What is that?  

So Deonna and Greg are finally physically intimate but then Deonna makes it sound like she doesn't want to have sex that often?  Huh?   Greg seems like a doll.  Hit that, girl!  

I'm sorry to see that Keith's grandma passed away.  While Iris definitely overreacted about Keith's friends drinking their juice, I think Keith is right that it's part of Iris' only child syndrome.   The fishbowl game with a question about favorite sexual position is pretty cruel, knowing that Iris can't answer that.  Seems that the card game Deonna and Greg played would have been a better choice.   I think Keith was being very honest in saying that Iris' virginity is a concern for him but I think Iris is taking it as if it's a deal breaker.   Maybe there was some editing done but she should have asked him to clarify his concerns.  Is he concerned because she  may never want to be intimate?  Is he concerned that he will hurt her or disappoint her?   What?  

Iris and Keith have to be the most physically beautiful couple to have appeared on this show.

ETA:  Why does Amber's hair always look so stringy and dirty?   I find myself asking why she's headed somewhere when she just got out of the shower and her hair is still wet.  

Matt wanted Amber to pack up her shit and leave after his absence. The problem is, she didnt. I know that there are posters here who will say that Matt is not hot, but i think that hin being a tall, muscular, professional athlete with a nice face does not have any problems scoring women and I dont think he went on this show to seriously find a lifelong marriage (similar to quite a few participants). Had Matt and Amber passed each other in a bar, I dont think they would have organically begun dating each other. Amber seriously needs some help - she is very needy. I would suggest that she needs to dress a little cuter, do something nicer withcher hair, add a bit of makeup, and act more confident, because I dont think that she wiuld be attracted to the type of guy who " doesnt mind her tomboy ways". 

I dislike all the women on this season. Iris needs to get a grip and let people drink her juice. Its very unattractive to be so possessive over the contents of your fridge. She also needs to shut up about sex - if she doesn't want to have it, or will refuse for months and months, she needs to get out of this marriage and take up knitting or find an asexual man. Deonna serms like she has been having casual flings the past 10 years. Elizabeth is a mess.

[Crazy Bird Lady]

On 8/4/2019 at 10:38 AM, watchingtvaddict said:

AJ was the best for pointing out production machinations. He just wanted to be married and he felt like the show was getting in the way of happiness. I respect him for that and am happy he is happy with Steph...

AJ resented all the "production" aspects of the show, and he spoke out against their hypocracy and all the manipulations "for the cameras" that these MAFS couples are subject to.

On 8/3/2019 at 10:53 PM, Desert Rat said:

I couldn’t stand Big Chard, finding her attention-seeking mannerisms and general actions and behavior to be histrionic and just plain annoying. 

I think my problem with her is I understand many of her behaviors too well. She wants to be everything: “quirky”, life-of-the-party, “spiritual" -but she hasn’t mastered either mature communication or the basics of adult life.

Although by 30 I was well educated, married and had a good job, I was very insecure and vulnerable. I would not have been able to handle the pressure of my life and my flaws being recorded and broadcast to the world. 

I wasn’t 100% emotionally stable or secure at that point but I had a decent job and supported myself... That said, I was insecure about not finishing college,  my job felt unimportant, I was insecure about my weight  

it was well disguised by an over-the-top, annoying presence. A guy like Jamie could’ve crushed me, and you would’ve never known I was that vulnerable... A guy like that will amplify BigE’s insecurities within herself.

When he took that shot at her about her education, it hit close to home—to me 20some years ago. I’ll cut her some slack because it must be difficult to be her, but they are a mess together. 

Very well explained! Thanks for sharing these personal insights, Desert Rat. As the "spoiled baby" of my family, I made lots of mistakes -especially ones that involved my leap to "adulting".  

I would never have been tempted to go on MAFS, though --I wasn't that bold. I shudder at the thought of my youthful missteps being broadcast to a TV audience.  

Edited August 5, 2019 by Crazy Bird Lady

[Elizzikra]

Quote

Also, Matt could not get condoms from Keith, since all Keith’s boxes are empty and he has not had the need for a refill.

I was sort of kidding about Matt getting condoms from Keith. I don't care where he gets them - I was responding to someone's theory that Amber might intentionally become pregnant to "trap" Matt. If Matt doesn't want to get "trapped" he needs to take responsibility for his part of birth control.

[Tatortot]

23 hours ago, psychoticstate said:

WTH was up with her going zero to 60 when Jamie wanted to have an honest discussion about how he wanted the marriage to work and needed her to be serious at times?   And straight up white Caucasian sex?  What is that?  

I have had bipolar most of my life so I can honestly assess she has the signs of a mood disorder of some kind.

[red12]

On 8/2/2019 at 7:34 PM, RaeSpellman said:

Isn't doggy style a basic, normal, go to position now? Watching the scene my impression was that Iris' response was very Iris and Keith's answer was trite.

I agree that it is for many. But, in conservative and some religious circles, it is depicted as less intimate and dehumanizing because of the lack of face to face contact. It can be difficult to grasp this thinking if you have not been immersed in it. But, it exists. I have even heard of couples where there had to be a compromise to add a hand mirror to add the element of facial contact for the reluctant, more shame based partner to feel comfortable enjoying this position.

[Gem 10]

10 hours ago, qtpye said:

Not coming home for a night is one thing, but.....2:00 pm the next day?  Without so much as a call?  Amber should have bolted the door from the inside.  I know I would.

Which reminds me of my story.  Get set.  About ten years into my marriage, my husband went “ bowling” with his newly divorced brother.  He came home at 4 a.m.  I didn’t say one word.  The next week, I got decked out very pretty with the whole shebang, high heels, etc.  He asked where I was going at 8 p.m.  I said “shopping”.  I came home at 2 a.m. ( was at a girlfriends house).  He saw by the clock it was 2 a.m.  He never went out again, and not one of us said a word.  We have been married forever.  I still laugh at that.

[Gem 10]

On 8/3/2019 at 7:58 PM, seasick said:

I admit I fast forward a lot through Greg and Deanna's segments but I'm starting to like her sort of shrugging attitude toward the whole married thing for now and I actually think Greg's digging it. At least for now. I'm not sure what the whole every other month conversation really amounted to. Doubt if it was serious. I also have a problem with anybody being asked on national TV no matter what the circumstance what's their favorite sexual position. Mine is keeping the details of my sexual intimacy private. It's really doesn't Foster any true intimacy when you're blabbing it to the entire world. if Iris  was was grossed out it was likely by the question and I'm with her and believe me I'm no virgin

By comparison the other two couples jumped right  in sexually. All that intimacy right off the bat can be kind of off-putting after a while. You could see that Matt was freaked out by Amber's throwing herself at him. And frankly I think Jamie has a little perv in him despite claims of boring Caucasian LOL sex yeah whatever that is. And it was a low blow to say it in front of the cameras. And Elizabeth knows that. She's a mess and I'm really surprised they picked her for this show.

They both are hitting below the belt after 3 weeks.  I can’t imagine what would happen in three years.  They would kill each other.  Besides, who could live with her?  She talks and talks non stop.  She would give anybody a migraine with all her yapping.  She needs a muzzle.  Send her back to daddy.

[Ilovepie]

18 hours ago, red12 said:

I have even heard of couples where there had to be a compromise to add a hand mirror to add the element of facial contact for the reluctant, more shame based partner to feel comfortable enjoying this position.

What!?! That is insane - where are these people?!? At the risk of TMI, I am married to someone who likes this, and it’s definitely not my favorite, but geez, it’s literally minutes of my life. If someone found it dehumanizing, it won’t last forever- get it on and then turn around, and whaddayaknow - there’s your partners face! 🙄

[gonecrackers]

Anything can be used in a dehumanizing manner with the wrong partner, & if someone is feeling that way then there are bigger problems.

If it's just something Iris thinks sounds unappealing at this moment, that doesn't mean she won't grow into it, & if not, that's her choice as well. This is why people need to choose their partners wisely & figure it out together. If they're not on the exact same page sexually but life is good otherwise they can always work on that & compromise. She's a virgin (yeah we all know) & even when that's gone may not know what she likes for a while. Keith didn't sign up for that, but then again, none of these people know anything - they're all relying on a TV show to match them in every aspect, so IF they are truly in it for a long term marriage they need to work with what they get (as long as it's not abuse!), or, perhaps don't apply. 🙄

[AussieBabe]

My beef is with the experts for casting a virgin (Iris) and knowing how important it is to her. I like Iris when she’s not with the histrionics and turning her face up at sexual positions, but most people don’t enter the convenant of marriage to remain sexless and celibate. I get why there’s no rush because they’ve only known each other a few weeks, and they’re legally married but honestly dating and getting to know one another. Did the experts ask Keith how he felt about potentially being matched with a virgin? The issue isn’t just her virginity and her not being ready or comfortable enough to give it up. It’s that she might want to be in love first, and who knows how long that might take? Her comfort and readiness might not reach a favourable level until they’ve been married six months. It’s a burden to put on a person when they didn’t make the choice for themselves. It’s one thing to make a decision with all the information and you’ve been informed. It’s another when it’s not the case. How long is he expected to be patient and celibate post experiment? It’s a lot different when you choose the person, date them, get to know them, get engaged, choose to be celibate together, etc. vs. when you’re a sexual person and unexpected celibacy is suddenly thrown in your lap. Also, who is to say he wants the responsibility of teaching her things in the bedroom? Experts should’ve stuck with what they did all the other seasons and not opted to cast virgins. I don’t know why Iris chose to do this show knowing how special and sacred her virginity is to her and likely knowing she wouldn’t be ready to give it up in a couple of weeks, months, or whatever.

Matt was gone over 24 hours. He was seen leaving the flat at 1ish, and he didn’t return until the following evening. When they showed the outside of the complex, it was night when he walked in. She just readily forgave him and was ready to jump his bones after taking PTO, crying all the previous night and whole next day, calling her dad, etc. She’s a doormat, and Matt is a douche.

Liz and Jamie are toxic, and I wish they would just split. It’s painful watching the fights and the hitting below the belt. She strikes me as having the emotional maturity of a 13 year old. He’s not that great either, but she’s a piece of work on her own. They bring out the worst in each other.

I can’t get a feel for Deonna. I feel like she had sex with Greg for his birthday, but I still don’t think she really likes him in a romantic way. I don’t feel like she’s being true to herself either. It’s like she’s holding back who she is. Greg seems like a good guy. I applaud anyone who seeks therapy and aims for improvement. He has been patient with her, but she can be kind of stoic and hard to read. 

The experts continue to be trash. 🥂

Edited August 5, 2019 by AussieBabe

[Auntie]

On 8/4/2019 at 9:22 AM, Gem 10 said:

Iris might have OCD and think sex will be messy, dirty, whatever, and take a shower and change clothes, sheets afterwards.  She looks the type.

So...IF Keith is allowed access to the Holy Grail, will that then implement new clothes washing and drying techniques as well, to go along with the already absolutely bizarre restrictions on the bathroom sinks????  If the clothes have been outside, they need to be washed in this machine, if they haven't been outside they go in that machine, if they've been both inside and outside then you have to throw them away. If the sheets haven't been "sullied" they can be washed in Machine A, but IF the hallowed gates of Heaven are opened, then those poor sheets - what, pray tell, do we do with them??? Frame them? Sell them on eBay? Burn them? Use them to stuff Iris's mouth so we don't have to then listen to "Iris isn't a virgin anymore, Husband deflowered Iris."

Edited August 5, 2019 by Auntie

[Ilovepie]

8 hours ago, gonecrackers said:

Anything can be used in a dehumanizing manner with the wrong partner, & if someone is feeling that way then there are bigger problems.

@gonecrackers - you are absolutely correct, and I would never advocate someone doing something against their will! I was more referring to the mirror comment re: doggy style. I think if you are that uncomfortable about it, best to stick to something enjoyable for everyone. Perhaps I was being too flippant about it, and if so, I apologize!

[gonecrackers]

58 minutes ago, Ilovepie said:

@gonecrackers - you are absolutely correct, and I would never advocate someone doing something against their will! I was more referring to the mirror comment re: doggy style. I think if you are that uncomfortable about it, best to stick to something enjoyable for everyone. Perhaps I was being too flippant about it, and if so, I apologize!

You're fine. I realize why Iris reacts this way though, as she & Keith aren't even on different pages sexually - they're in different books.

[STRIDER1]

6 hours ago, AussieBabe said:

Matt was gone over 24 hours. He was seen leaving the flat at 1ish, and he didn’t return until the following evening. When they showed the outside of the complex, it was night when he walked in. She just readily forgave him and was ready to jump his bones after taking PTO, crying all the previous night and whole next day, calling her dad, etc. She’s a doormat, and Matt is a douche.

Just found the perfect matching xmas gifts for both amber and matt . . .

For Her :

For Him :

Edited August 6, 2019 by STRIDER1

[valdawn]

I totally need that pink shirt, just need douche spelled correctly and it’s perfect. 

On another note, the golden pickle dildo on the shelf behind Matt and Jamie during talking heads seriously distracts me from hearing a word they’re saying. 

[watchingtvaddict]

On 8/4/2019 at 2:22 AM, gonecrackers said:

Amber seems immature enough to just want to be able to say she had a lot of sex with someone "hot" (or what she thinks of as hot).

She seemed proud to state she had sex every time Matt stayed the night on Unfiltered, so I think you're right on the money with this thought. 

[red12]

On 8/5/2019 at 11:23 AM, Ilovepie said:

What!?! That is insane - where are these people?!? At the risk of TMI, I am married to someone who likes this, and it’s definitely not my favorite, but geez, it’s literally minutes of my life. If someone found it dehumanizing, it won’t last forever- get it on and then turn around, and whaddayaknow - there’s your partners face! 🙄

I understand. My intention is not to say I agree with people who have this issue but, to talk about something I know to exist even though it sounds off to most in 2019. There are variations and degrees of conservatism just as there are in fetishes and other more exploratory modes of expression. We are all on this rock together and it's helpful to know none of us are alone no matter how different we feel.

[Ilovepie]

1 hour ago, red12 said:

There are variations and degrees of conservatism just as there are in fetishes and other more exploratory modes of expression.

Very true. In the context of this show I am just not sure if Iris is super conservative, just uncomfortable being made to discuss her sex life with Keith on camera, or completely unsure because she just doesn't know due to lack of experience. And when I say"uncomfortable discussing their sex life", I mean that specifically because we all know Iris is very open about discussing her virginity.  I mean really, how can she answer favorite sex position? It's a stupid thing to ask a virgin and I think it was really mean spirited for the producers to put her in that position because obviously she has no answer for that. I'm not sure what she could have said in that situation - maybe play it off as a joke or be like "Hmmmm......not sure yet, but I guess we'll find out soon!" (wink wink!)

[Gem 10]

On 8/4/2019 at 11:20 AM, LilaFowler said:

I almost wish that AJ from Philly were on this season to call Matt out for his poor treatment of Amber. I don't think anyone on this season has the balls to do it. Dr. Pepper and her Stern Face just aren't going to cut it for me. I need someone to lay a smackdown on him in a real way. Whatever issues you have experienced with your family, none is an excuse to treat others poorly.

You are so right.  A.J. Was not afraid to show love and affection to his wife.  It takes a real confident man to do so.  Maybe Matt wanted to show Amber “he’s the man” so did what he wanted and always did.  Of all people, to put that doggie question to Iris was the stupidest move ever.  I don’t like Pepper at all.  Why all the sex talk?  Especially to a Virgin.  Pepper is always hot to trot and should STFU.  Let newlyweds find out things by themselves.  This is getting to be a new low on this show.  It’s fun to find out things by yourselves, as husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend, not Pepper.  I find her help of no interest at all.  These people are not stupid and know the ropes.

[Gem 10]

On 8/4/2019 at 2:14 PM, Lily247 said:

Matt wanted Amber to pack up her shit and leave after his absence. The problem is, she didnt. I know that there are posters here who will say that Matt is not hot, but i think that hin being a tall, muscular, professional athlete with a nice face does not have any problems scoring women and I dont think he went on this show to seriously find a lifelong marriage (similar to quite a few participants). Had Matt and Amber passed each other in a bar, I dont think they would have organically begun dating each other. Amber seriously needs some help - she is very needy. I would suggest that she needs to dress a little cuter, do something nicer withcher hair, add a bit of makeup, and act more confident, because I dont think that she wiuld be attracted to the type of guy who " doesnt mind her tomboy ways". 

I dislike all the women on this season. Iris needs to get a grip and let people drink her juice. Its very unattractive to be so possessive over the contents of your fridge. She also needs to shut up about sex - if she doesn't want to have it, or will refuse for months and months, she needs to get out of this marriage and take up knitting or find an asexual man. Deonna serms like she has been having casual flings the past 10 years. Elizabeth is a mess.

Production threw in the sex subject with Iris and Deonna and it went over like a lead balloon.  Too much talking about it .. it’s boring already, especially with Iris.  Don’t think for one minute Keith and Gregg aren’t disgusted with their present situation.  It’s stupid already.  It’s making them look like fools and horny.  Gregg looks like a pathetic fool waiting for Miss Priss to decide if she feel like giving him a little as a reward or something, IF he’s a good little boy.  By now, I’d tell her to go take a hike.

[Lily247]

7 hours ago, Gem 10 said:

By now, I’d tell her to go take a hike.

Me, too. 

[topanga]

On 8/5/2019 at 3:05 PM, AussieBabe said:

I can’t get a feel for Deonna. I feel like she had sex with Greg for his birthday, but I still don’t think she really likes him in a romantic way. I don’t feel like she’s being true to herself either. It’s like she’s holding back who she is. Greg seems like a good guy. I applaud anyone who seeks therapy and aims for improvement. He has been patient with her, but she can be kind of stoic and hard to read. 

The experts continue to be trash. 🥂

I think Deonna realizes Greg is a great guy, and she probably wants to like him and love him, but for some reason there’s no there there. Unless she really is into him, but she’s not expressive. Who knows?

I wish she would go on Unfiltered, dammit. It’s kind of an unnecessary show, but it helps me get to know the spouses better. 

And yes, the experts are trash. So are the “real therapists” Vivian said are on staff to work with the couples. 

[Ohwell]

When we weren't having sex, I'd just love to sit with Greg and discuss math problems since I pretty much sucked at it and he runs a math learning business.

[Lindz]

Asking the "virgin" sexual questions she can't answer was dumb & Keith's feedback wasn't good. Hope he didn't count it against her. Those questions would've been better for Deonna & Greg since she can't even tell the poor man what gets her in the mood. That was bs. 😒😒

Deonna & Greg have different love languages & aren't trying to speak each other's language. 😂😂

[Crazy Bird Lady]

On 8/7/2019 at 5:22 PM, Ohwell said:

When we weren't having sex, I'd just love to sit with Greg and discuss math problems since I pretty much sucked at it and he runs a math learning business.

You'd think so, wouldn't you?

I'm married to a genius with a Masters' in Math, who is also excellent at astronomy/physics and good at languages, history, English Grammar & extended vocabulary, etc. etc.  

Believe me, you'd get really tired of him Greg talking about Math!  🙄 

Edited August 13, 2019 by Crazy Bird Lady
clarification