Season 6 Discussion

[Granny58]

1 hour ago, Empress1 said:

Happened to me last week. I've only ever lived in major urban centers with diverse populations, but cities are segregated too. I had a meeting with someone at her club (her idea, I wouldn't have picked it because I anticipated the reaction I got). I walked in and whoosh! Heads turned and things got quiet. I looked around and thought "Yep, I'm the only one" (and the ratio of men to women was about 70:30 too, so I had a double whammy as a Black woman). The meeting went fine but it was a relief to leave.

I haven't lived your life so I am not saying you don't experience racism, but was this a case of it?  I'm white.  My son had a friend from a black part of town who we took to the amusement park one day.  It was late when we got done, and I wasn't going to let him walk alone from my parked car, so I walked with him to his house.  It was summer so people were outside.  Everybody looked at me, watched me.  Nobody bothered me though.  That wasn't racism...that was just because I was different than them, it was unusual for me to be there and I'm sure they wondered what was up.  Just being watched is not necessarily racism.  

[iwasish]

2 hours ago, Drogo said:

She is also the best catch (smart, fit, beautiful, affectionate, well-spoken), and Jonathan doesn't seem to be very appreciative of that. 

She might have a bit of an anger issue, but I don't know that we would have seen it had he not been doing dumb shit like not having a bed ready for them to sleep in, leaving exes' underwear for her to find and touching blondes' hips in clubs.  If all she wants is to be taken care of by a decent looking older man, there are plenty out there who would throw in a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T at no extra charge.   

She might have just picked the wrong one. 

I don’t think she’s anything special. Slapping and hitting at a woman who is probably drunk,and she herself was pissed because she couldn't drink and can’t til she’s 21. Why not just make Jonathan sit outside the ladies room like a child? Did she think he was going to screw some chick in the 5 minutes she was in the ladies room? 

Sorry but I find her immature, childish, irritating and much too taken with her “sexy” self. There are millions of hot 19 year olds that have their own boobs,  if thats what Jonathan wants. 

[Scarlett45]

2 minutes ago, Granny58 said:

I haven't lived your life so I am not saying you don't experience racism, but was this a case of it?  I'm white.  My son had a friend from a black part of town who we took to the amusement park one day.  It was late when we got done, and I wasn't going to let him walk alone from my parked car, so I walked with him to his house.  It was summer so people were outside.  Everybody looked at me, watched me.  Nobody bothered me though.  That wasn't racism...that was just because I was different than them, it was unusual for me to be there and I'm sure they wondered what was up.  Just being watched is not necessarily racism.  

I have to agree with @Empress1. Growing up as a black person in the USA, you are taught from the time you are very small what racism is, that there are people in this world that want you DEAD because of how you look, and that being the only black face in a room or a crowd could very well mean a dangerous situation for you. Many white people are often uncomfortable being the only white face in an area without the history of segregation and danger that comes with that. 

Of course this is not ALWAYS the case, no one is insinuating that danger lurks around every corner, but for Jay, growing up in Jamaica, where he’s always been an ethnic majority I can see where he’s coming from, and what his concerns are. I don’t think he thinks all white people are out to get him (he cares for Ashley and seems to get along with most of her friends) but he’s in a foreign country (at least there’s no language barrier) and feels uncomfortable sometimes. I’m glad he found the guys at the barbershop- which is hysterical because they have good sense AND he does need a barber that cuts black hair. 

[sconstant]

1 hour ago, Drogo said:

Stephen's allegedly "violent outbursts" at Olga and her nitpicking everything he does with baby are basically an argument that most every pair of new parents has.  Dad already feels like Mom's got him beat, so every criticism she gives feels like a major slight.  Also, Stephen's been told what to do by people he can't converse with for a few days, so he's feeling some kind of way to begin with.  Not ready to write him off as an abusive dick just yet. 

I think this was also what caused Auselu to take the baby out of the baby seat.   He's sitting in the back seat with the kiddies instead of the front like his co-parent/co-pilot, he's tasked with keeping the baby happy because even though she's better at driving AND parenting AND yelling, cheeto-co-parent has to pick two out of three.  He knows by now that Kalani is judging him silently (and not) every moment.  When the baby starts the hurt cry (and am I the first to agree with Kalani, that that was the "immediate distress" cry and not the "omg CAR SEAT IS BORING" cry?) and his fiance starts shrieking as well, he thinks "ok, I will fix this by picking him up" (WHICH WORKED, BTW) and yet triggered another go around of the You Suck at Dadding.

I know we're talking about gaslighting, and why go to the car lot if you're not going to buy a car Coltee (clear producer setup shit) and someone also mentioned Hobo Steven, but I stick to my assessment that Jon is the real gaslighter - the calm, why-are-you-being-so-crazy voice he responds to Fernanda with in the parking lot when she asks if he wants to marry her is so icky.  The apology next day sounded sincere, but I still remember the "those are yours" and then "well, your father keeps clothes in your house, so maybe I should be jealous of that" attempted ju jitsu in the thong drawer situation, and he is the WORST. 

Eric is playing the long game when he says no to the father's money offer.  He knows that it's a test.  If he says yes, they get two months rent and Leida goes home soon.  If he says no, he lives in his acceptable-to-him apartment, marries L., and soon they live off of Leida's dad in a way Tasha has only dreamed of on the janky futon in her rent-split apartment.

[gunderda]

I think Larissa is my favorite. I'm not looking forward to when she become a psycho that we've seen in the previews. 

I think Steven is coming from a place of frustration over not being able to see his son as much as he would like or a new father should.  He said he's only been able to spend an hour each day with them and I wouldn't be surprised if Olga told him to stop touching the baby each time he visits and as a new dad that has to feel awful.  She doesn't seem all that caring either. 

[gingerella]

7 hours ago, millennium said:

You make a good point, however Jay and Ashley both went into this anticipating racial animus, so it does not surprise me that they interpreted any glances as disapproving.   I can't say for sure what was behind the blurred faces but no one seems to have harassed them or made them feel unwelcome.   Maybe people were staring because they were being followed by a film crew.    When Jay asked, "why do all white people think black people are bad," Ashley could have responded, "all white people don't think black people are bad," which is the truth.   Instead, Jay's characterization of all whites as racists went unchallenged, and I think that's unfair.

Angela walked through the heart of Nigeria, the only white woman for miles around it seemed.   She drew lots of stares.   I can't stand the woman, but I don't recall her attributing ill intent to the people looking at her. 

You make fair points @millennium, thanks for sharing another perspective!

31 minutes ago, Granny58 said:

I was definitely uncomfortable being the white woman on the street, but that was in my head...not from anything actually happening.  Feelings aren't facts.  No doubt being taught to be aware of danger is an EXCELLENT strategy, but couldn't that make it possible to perceive racism where there is none?   There IS racism sometimes, but feeling something was racism is not the same as it being racism.  

I don't want our conversation to devolve into what is or isn't racism but since it's a theme on this show right now, and it's an issue around the globe as well, I hope we can discuss it respectfully. And in that spirit I have to say that sure, one can feel uncomfortable while the actual situation might be one where nobody is harboring any ill will or negative feelings towards that person, but - and this is a huge BUT - I personally don't feel people of one race, religion, etc. feel uncomfortable for no reasons. If I knew for certain that literally nobody in the area where I was walking had negative feelings towards white people, then I would never have felt uncomfortable. But I felt the discomfort (which I'm okay with feeling, BTW, it's a reality for so many other people so it was a good eye opener to feel what it's like to be on that side of the line), and it was rooted in the knowledge/fact/reality that there were indeed some who very likely thought I was some snotty rich white person with piles of money, ready to try and grind down vendors for the cheapest price even though I was rich (not my reality, but what they thought).  I knew that sentiment existed and Jay knows that sentiment exists in America, and in particular is at an extremely heightened level right now. He watches TV, he sees the news, he isn't a stupid idiot. He's a young man looking for a better life, and he knows he's going to come up against something that he's seen on TV and in movies but that he's likely not experienced quite the same way in Jamaica. In Jamaica he moves around freely and without a care, in his new locale he's unfamiliar with how to navigate being a minority, and I would venture to guess that he's also nervous as hell to encounter the type of racism he's seen on TV. I guess what I'm ultimately trying to say is this - the fact that someone FEELS racism to me means that on some basic level it does exist. Ashley also said she lives in an area known as "the white area". I think if they're going to make it long term, they might want to live in a more racially diverse area.

40 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

I have to agree with @Empress1. Growing up as a black person in the USA, you are taught from the time you are very small what racism is, that there are people in this world that want you DEAD because of how you look, and that being the only black face in a room or a crowd could very well mean a dangerous situation for you. Many white people are often uncomfortable being the only white face in an area without the history of segregation and danger that comes with that. 

Of course this is not ALWAYS the case, no one is insinuating that danger lurks around every corner, but for Jay, growing up in Jamaica, where he’s always been an ethnic majority I can see where he’s coming from, and what his concerns are. I don’t think he thinks all white people are out to get him (he cares for Ashley and seems to get along with most of her friends) but he’s in a foreign country (at least there’s no language barrier) and feels uncomfortable sometimes. I’m glad he found the guys at the barbershop- which is hysterical because they have good sense AND he does need a barber that cuts black hair. 

Thank you for saying this way better than I could have!

Edited November 19, 2018 by gingerella

[Granny58]

6 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

14 minutes ago, Granny58 said:

I haven't lived your life so I am not saying you don't experience racism, but was this a case of it?  I'm white.  My son had a friend from a black part of town who we took to the amusement park one day.  It was late when we got done, and I wasn't going to let him walk alone from my parked car, so I walked with him to his house.  It was summer so people were outside.  Everybody looked at me, watched me.  Nobody bothered me though.  That wasn't racism...that was just because I was different than them, it was unusual for me to be there and I'm sure they wondered what was up.  Just being watched is not necessarily racism.  

I have to agree with @Empress1. Growing up as a black person in the USA, you are taught from the time you are very small what racism is, that there are people in this world that want you DEAD because of how you look, and that being the only black face in a room or a crowd could very well mean a dangerous situation for you. Many white people are often uncomfortable being the only white face in an area without the history of segregation and danger that comes with that. 

I was definitely uncomfortable being the white woman on the street, but that was in my head...not from anything actually happening.  Feelings aren't facts.  No doubt being taught to be aware of danger is an EXCELLENT strategy, but couldn't that make it possible to perceive racism where there is none?   There IS racism sometimes, but feeling something was racism is not the same as it being racism.  

[Scarlett45]

1 minute ago, Granny58 said:

I was definitely uncomfortable being the white woman on the street, but that was in my head...not from anything actually happening.  Feelings aren't facts.  No doubt being taught to be aware of danger is an EXCELLENT strategy, but couldn't that make it possible to perceive racism where there is none?   There IS racism sometimes, but feeling something was racism is not the same as it being racism.  

It’s a defense mechanism. Better to proceive danger where they may be none, stay away and stay safe, than assume safety and be hurt in the process. It’s emotionally draining but what many people of various oppressed groups (I’m not speaking just as a black woman) weigh consciously or unconsciously every day.

 

I’m not saying Jay was 100% right and those people staring were racist, I don’t know I wasn’t there, but I’m saying I understand WHY and HOW he felt that way. I’m speaking of his feelings about what happened not what happened- as 1. I wasn’t there, 2. I cannot be in the heads of the passerby. 

[Granny58]

2 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

It’s a defense mechanism. Better to proceive danger where they may be none, stay away and stay safe, than assume safety and be hurt in the process. It’s emotionally draining but what many people of various oppressed groups (I’m not speaking just as a black woman) weigh consciously or unconsciously every day.

 

I’m not saying Jay was 100% right and those people staring were racist, I don’t know I wasn’t there, but I’m saying I understand WHY and HOW he felt that way. I’m speaking of his feelings about what happened not what happened- as 1. I wasn’t there, 2. I cannot be in the heads of the passerby. 

well stated.  thank you. 

[JennyMominFL]

13 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

It’s a defense mechanism. Better to proceive danger where they may be none, stay away and stay safe, than assume safety and be hurt in the process. It’s emotionally draining but what many people of various oppressed groups (I’m not speaking just as a black woman) weigh consciously or unconsciously every day.

 

I’m not saying Jay was 100% right and those people staring were racist, I don’t know I wasn’t there, but I’m saying I understand WHY and HOW he felt that way. I’m speaking of his feelings about what happened not what happened- as 1. I wasn’t there, 2. I cannot be in the heads of the passerby. 

All it takes of for one of them to be racist. One call for shopping while Black, one complaint, is all it takes.

Edited November 19, 2018 by JennyMominFL

[Rt66vintage]

5 minutes ago, politichick said:

 

Steven annoyed the piss out of me, too. He was way too controlling and rough with Olga. And the way that he kept touching the baby like he's a cat got on my nerves. I hope the child's name is Richard and Ritchie is a nickname.

All the talk about Steven's aggression triggered a memory from over 45 years ago with the birth of my 1st child. We were so young, 21 and 19.

The day after, husband comes to my room with flowers. But I'm quickly informed the flowers were not for me, but for the nurses, because apparently I was such a crybaby during labor. (This was back in the day when epidurals were only given at 10cm.) I was instructed to walk the flowers to the nurses station (?and apologize, can't remember but probably), which I did. 

In reviewing this memory, which I haven't thought about in over 45 years, I think my husband put on this ridiculous & pompous show for the nurses to prove that he was some sort of grown-up person, (or a Lothario).

Steven is trying to feel in control & wanting to be "the man" in charge. He probably feels helpless, and needs Olga's strength to buoy him. He's unable to accept her temporary post-surgical disability, because then he would have to be a caregiver & he's mentally a baby himself. 

I hope for the best for little Richie, but I don't see Steven doing anything proactive, just complaining & being a selfish a**. Grandma was right, he's messed up. 

[Spike]

36 minutes ago, iwasish said:

She might have just picked the wrong one. 

I don’t think she’s anything special. Slapping and hitting at a woman who is probably drunk,and she herself was pissed because she couldn't drink and can’t til she’s 21. Why not just make Jonathan sit outside the ladies room like a child? Did she think he was going to screw some chick in the 5 minutes she was in the ladies room? 

Sorry but I find her immature, childish, irritating and much too taken with her “sexy” self. There are millions of hot 19 year olds that have their own boobs,  if thats what Jonathan wants. 

Jonathan might want to take a good look at her mom, as that is what she will likely look like in 10 or 15 years.

[Rt66vintage]

39 minutes ago, Granny58 said:

I haven't lived your life so I am not saying you don't experience racism, but was this a case of it?  I'm white.  My son had a friend from a black part of town who we took to the amusement park one day.  It was late when we got done, and I wasn't going to let him walk alone from my parked car, so I walked with him to his house.  It was summer so people were outside.  Everybody looked at me, watched me.  Nobody bothered me though.  That wasn't racism...that was just because I was different than them, it was unusual for me to be there and I'm sure they wondered what was up.  Just being watched is not necessarily racism.  

You don't say how old this boy was, or how far away you were parked. It was still light out & people were outside. I'm wondering if people were just curiously looking as to why this boy needed a chaperone in his own neighborhood.

[JennyMominFL]

You know those insticts we women develop, the ones that make us careful and wary when we are alone in a group of men? I think its like that. When I am in a place where I am the only female and a lot of men are looking at me, Im  nervous. And I was in that position A LOT in the  Marines and I was always on guard.  There was a lot of sexism. Now, I knew that not all, or even many of the men were a threat, but it only took 1 for me to be in trouble. I had just enough bad experiences with the few who were bad to make me wary.  The 1 potential threat is is enough to make we wary in any situation with a lot of men.  I think Jay feels a lot like that.

Edited November 19, 2018 by JennyMominFL

[Scarlett45]

4 minutes ago, JennyMominFL said:

You know those insticts we women develop, the ones that make us careful and wary  when we are alone in a group of men? I think its like that. When I am in a place where I am the only female and a lot of men are looking at me, Im  nervous. And I was in that position A LOT in the  Marines and I was always on guard.  There was a lot of sexism. Now, I knew that not all, or even many of the men were a threat, but it only took 1 for me to be in trouble. I had just enough bad experiences with the few who were bad to make me wary.  The 1 potential threat is is enough to make we wary in any situation with a lot of men.  I think Jay feels a lot like that.

Yes. As women we are taught to fear rape right after we are taught our address (which is awful but it’s true). We are taught that our gender and sex makes us more likely to experience violence in our society. Does that mean we think every single man is violent? No. But do we know it’s a possibility when we encounter all male spaces or spaces where we are alone with men? Yes. For women who want to engage in partnered sex with men we have to weigh our physical safety next to our desire to pursue sexual activity (to varying degrees based on how comfortable we feel or how long we’ve known said guy).

Intersectionality means as a black woman I have experienced both situations. 

[JennyMominFL]

17 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

Yes. As women we are taught to fear rape right after we are taught our address (which is awful but it’s true). We are taught that our gender and sex makes us more likely to experience violence in our society. Does that mean we think every single man is violent? No. But do we know it’s a possibility when we encounter all male spaces or spaces where we are alone with men? Yes. For women who want to engage in partnered sex with men we have to weigh our physical safety next to our desire to pursue sexual activity (to varying degrees based on how comfortable we feel or how long we’ve known said guy).

Intersectionality means as a black woman I have experienced both situations. 

Absolutely. And I cant ever presume to understand what that is like for you. What I can do is believe you and support you when you say you are experiencing racism. What I will not do is lecture you about how it cant really be racism. 

Edited November 19, 2018 by JennyMominFL

[eatsleep]

Nick (Kalani's brother) was really getting on my nerves w/ his sanctimonious finger wagging (even if what he was saying was right). He gives his soon-to-be BIL a condom the first time he meets him?? And then the other idiot says condoms are for slut ppl and he is a good person. (But admits to casually sexing women all around Samoa...which has resulted in ~at least~ one child he has no way of supporting. This whole family and everyone connected to it make me sick.

[Scarlett45]

@Rt66vintage I’m very sorry you went through that experience after the birth of your child. I understand tensions can run high with a new born and young parents but such behavior is never okay. I would hope in the last 20yrs we’ve done better supporting new mothers and letting them know they don’t have to accept that treatment as well as teaching young men to treat the mother of their child with oh basic human kindness no matter how you feel about them on a romantic level. 

[JennyMominFL]

5 minutes ago, eatsleep said:

Nick (Kalani's brother) was really getting on my nerves w/ his sanctimonious finger wagging (even if what he was saying was right). He gives his soon-to-be BIL a condom the first time he meets him?? And then the other idiot says condoms are for slut ppl and he is a good person. (But admits to casually sexing women all around Samoa...which has resulted in ~at least~ one child he has no way of supporting. This whole family and everyone connected to it make me sick.

Good people can still get AIDS if they have sex without a condom. Im living proof of that.  I was on Samoan dudes side until he made the slut comment.

[CoachWristletJen]

9 minutes ago, eatsleep said:

Nick (Kalani's brother) was really getting on my nerves w/ his sanctimonious finger wagging (even if what he was saying was right). He gives his soon-to-be BIL a condom the first time he meets him?? And then the other idiot says condoms are for slut ppl and he is a good person. (But admits to casually sexing women all around Samoa...which has resulted in ~at least~ one child he has no way of supporting. This whole family and everyone connected to it make me sick.

Nick, too, talks down to everyone although Kalani is much worse. How dismal it would be to spend an evening with all of them seated round the dinner table condescending to one another. Kalani vainly announcing that she's quit her job during a time when she most needs the money. What other stupid things do they say in smug voice? When she does her confessionals, it's like she's trying to come down to our level and educate us.  

These morons make The Family Chantel seem truly delightful.

Edited November 19, 2018 by CoachWristletJen

[Granny58]

1 hour ago, gingerella said:

I personally don't feel people of one race, religion, etc. feel uncomfortable for no reasons. If I knew for certain that literally nobody in the area where I was walking had negative feelings towards white people, then I would never have felt uncomfortable.

This is exactly what I'm saying.  Sure, there are some POC who don't like white people and I am aware of that.  So I was uncomfortable.  But I have no idea if that was the case or not, so in actuality it was all my feelings and not fact (nobody was doing anything to me).   Maybe we're all saying the same thing.  That there IS racism but not all people are racist.  It's good to be aware of potential problems but don't assume people are racist until something actually indicates it.  The comparison to rape is good.  Like other women, I have to be aware of this possibility and not do things that would make me unsafe.   I am not saying that people are not feeling racism...I'm saying people aren't necessarily thinking racist thoughts.  I may feel I'm in a dangerous situation, but that doesn't mean the men in the vicinity are rapists.  

Edited November 19, 2018 by Granny58
more thoughts

[Scarlett45]

7 minutes ago, CoachWristletJen said:

Nick, too, talks down to everyone although Kalani is much worse. How dismal it would be to spend an evening with all of them seated round the dinner table condescending to one another. Kalani vainly announcing that she's quit her job during a time when she most needs the money. What other stupid things do they say in smug voice? When she does her confessionals, it's like she's trying to come down to our level and educate us.  

They make The Family Chantel seem truly delightful.

I do not understand why she quit her job. She has a newborn! Asuelu cannot work in the immediate future. Does she expect her parents to pick up the slack financially?!!

[annewithaneee]

Eric to me looks like someone is profoundly, deeply, several years in but still in denial about it, depressed. Both he and his living environment are in shambles, and that "hello darkness my old friend" ten thousand yard stare....yikes. I hope his daughter doesn't catch a bunch of shit from all the under-the-bus-throwing her own dad did to her, and also separates herself from him. He's got a lot of shit to work out.

Larissa's super unlikeable, but Colt is an actual nightmare. And not the kind from eight million Lifetime movies - that's Steven, and also eek - but the super mundane kind that there are far more of. He's the nice guy who can never catch a break, and all his exes were just straight up crazy. Boring and pitiable on the outside, dark and twisty on the inside. Yeeeesh.

[Empress1]

1 hour ago, Granny58 said:

I haven't lived your life so I am not saying you don't experience racism, but was this a case of it?  I'm white.  My son had a friend from a black part of town who we took to the amusement park one day.  It was late when we got done, and I wasn't going to let him walk alone from my parked car, so I walked with him to his house.  It was summer so people were outside.  Everybody looked at me, watched me.  Nobody bothered me though.  That wasn't racism...that was just because I was different than them, it was unusual for me to be there and I'm sure they wondered what was up.  Just being watched is not necessarily racism.  

Yes, it was a case of it. You'll have to take my word for it. One of the worst things Ashley could do as the partner to a Black man (and possibly the mother to biracial children that the world will perceive as Black, if Jay and Ashley get that far) is dismiss Jay's feelings when something racist happens - and again, anti-Black racism isn't just being called the n-word. It takes millions of forms, including being made to feel like you don't belong because of your race because white people are annoyed that you're in what they perceive as their space. Odds are good that that's what Jay was feeling in the store. Black people go out in the world every day knowing that the world doesn't have our back; the least Ashley can do is have his back at home. It's like sexism (which, yay, I also get to experience!). Sexism isn't limited to "get in the kitchen and cook, woman." There are lots of shades of gray.

1 hour ago, JennyMominFL said:

The thing is Jay didnt say that people were looking at them, He said people were looking at him. That’s not the same thing. Now there may be a bit of paranoia there on his part but generally, as a white women, when  a POC tells me they are uncomfortable or are experiencing racism, I believe them. I think a lot of us fail to understand the many ways, both large and small, that racism manifests itself in this country.

It's the small ways that get to me because there are so many more of them. I've been called the n-word a single-digit number of times; I deal with micro-aggressions every day. Micro-aggressions are like death by a thousand cuts.

2 hours ago, ohcomeon said:

It's not always about the money or material possessions. She is one of the few that I don't think was looking for a green card. Yes, I do think she likes the idea of living in the States, but it doesn't sound like she was on matching making websites looking for a portal to the States. I don't remember if we saw much about her home life in Mexico. 

I'm pretty sure Fernanda said that in the first episode, that she's seen the US depicted beautifully on TV, movies, and social media but she never had any interest in moving to the States. She seems to have had a full life back in Mexico with lots of friends and family. If I recall correctly, she spent five days making the rounds saying goodbye to people. She also doesn't appear to have professional goals that she needs to be in the US to accomplish (no shade to not having professional goals - she's only 19!). I think she'd happily be back in her hometown if she hadn't met Jonathan (who ... kind of doesn't seem worth it, to me, but I'm not the one engaged to him).

Quote

Larissa's super unlikeable, but Colt is an actual nightmare. And not the kind from eight million Lifetime movies - that's Steven, and also eek - but the super mundane kind that there are far more of. He's the nice guy who can never catch a break, and all his exes were just straight up crazy. Boring and pitiable on the outside, dark and twisty on the inside. Yeeeesh.

Between this and the covertly incestuous relationship between Colt and his mother, Larissa should run screaming from this situation. She can't win.

[Scarlett45]

@Empress1 ditto to your entire post. 

Edited November 19, 2018 by Scarlett45

[endure]

14 hours ago, ChiCricket said:

     Looks like Colt really dressed up for the proposal.

 Does he have on a pair of Mother's old jeans?

He's definitely got on his favourite burgundy shirt!

[eatsleep]

So anyway, Jay does not have the benefit of institutionalized power, nor the feeling of superiority over Whites to be accurately labeled a racist. On the hierarchical ladder, he stands on a very low wrung, in his present situation. 

Racism, prejudice, bigotry and stereotype all mean different things.

I don't think Black Nigerians staring at Angela and White Americans staring at Jay are the same thing at all. Angela was treated great there; there isn't centuries worth of Black oppression of White ppl in Nigeria. Totally different situation.

Re. fernanda, I'm calling BS on the "confidence" claim. Truly confident ppl don't have to constantly remind everyone of how sexy they are and how good their body is, etc. Nor do they ask their boyfriends to buy them plastic boobs and throw tantrums over drunk people dancing w/ their boyfriends. I think she is actually rather insecure.

I really don't understand Kalani et al's move to Utah. Are they planning on settling there permanently? If she wants to stay in LA, wouldn't it be a pain to try to interview for jobs, etc., from 6 hrs away. Why not just move in w/ her parents and focus on the job search?

Edited November 19, 2018 by eatsleep

[millennium]

3 hours ago, Dance4Life said:

Can someone explain what was the point of Family Leida coming to America??

 

Since you asked ... I have been sensing a pattern that began with Family Chantel.   The families have become part of the show's secret sauce.   

I thought about this last night when Kalani made the trip to Utah ostensibly to start her life with Asuelu, but when she gets there is informed that her parents will be coming to stay there very soon.   Why?   Other than to contrive drama, that is.   Family Leida is already a constant presence, now Family Kalani seems poised to enter the picture again, probably on a semi-permanent basis.

It's all feeling too much like a formula.

[Drogo]

Posts have been removed, either for a) including social media information/spoilers or b) quoting others' posts which had been removed for including social media information/spoilers.  Again, if you see a post that violates the No Spoiler rule, report it.  Don't quote it and make it a bigger issue, or half the thread will disappear.  

That said, the thread's far off topic.  Bring it back to the episode. 

[Baltimore Betty]

30 minutes ago, eatsleep said:

I think she is actually rather insecure.

I think she is actually rather young.

[Empress1]

Also, fuck Colt for acting like buying a car with air conditioning IN LAS VEGAS is unreasonable. I wouldn't even mention wanting air conditioning when I was buying a car because cars have air conditioning. To me it would be like saying "I'd like a car with windshield wipers." If he won't buy a new car, can he at least get the AC fixed? (I really hate the desert and hot weather so I'd probably be harping on it as much as Larissa is. I wouldn't be asking for a luxury car because that's not where I care to spend money, but if I'm in a place that gets to be over 100 degrees, I need to be able to cool off.)

I know she probably can't help it but Larissa's way of speaking where she adds "-ie" to the end of words drives me nuts. "Oh, it's cheap-ie!" 

I fell out when Steven said the baby was four kilometers. I know it was an honest mistake but I still laughed. And then I stopped laughing when Steven was barking orders at the mother of his child, who was nursing their son and who had just had major surgery. That was a pretty big personality change. I commend Olga for calling him an asshole. Olga strikes me as pretty tough, maybe because she's had to be on her own.

2 minutes ago, eatsleep said:

I really don't understand Kalani et al's move to Utah. Are they planning on settling there permanently? If she wants to stay in LA, wouldn't it be a pain to try to interview for jobs, etc., from 6 hrs away. Why not just move in w/ her parents and focus on the job search?

I don't understand Kalani's whole situation. Why did she quit her job at all? She has a kid and her fiance quite literally can't work. What's she going to do for money? She has a family place to stay but babies cost money! There's no way they should get married. Ditto Colt and Larissa - they're just not well-matched. I don't know who is a good match for Colt but it's not Larissa. And Aseulu seems like a really simple person - not stupid, simple. Just, like, he wants to hang out on the beach and swim and do whatever he was doing before. Kalani is forcing this to save face because she got pregnant, but she can't stand him.

[Dance4Life]

30 minutes ago, millennium said:

Since you asked ... I have been sensing a pattern that began with Family Chantel.   The families have become part of the show's secret sauce.   

I thought about this last night when Kalani made the trip to Utah ostensibly to start her life with Asuelu, but when she gets there is informed that her parents will be coming to stay there very soon.   Why?   Other than to contrive drama, that is.   Family Leida is already a constant presence, now Family Kalani seems poised to enter the picture again, probably on a semi-permanent basis.

It's all feeling too much like a formula.

Totally!  I get this.  I even posted that Family Kalani is on stand by with TLC shall things get too boring. 

It does make the show more interesting, indeed.

 

They came to  vet Eric and he passed their son-in-law test!  WTF? 

 

Also, was there a Brother Leida???  All of the sudden I saw this big kid.  (I think it was the scene when they were snooping in Tasha’s room).

 

or, was that TLC camera crew?  

 

Also, does the mom speak?  Lots of questions! 

[JennyMominFL]

I dont get why , when Larissa arrived, one of the first things he told her was that she could pick a couch and then  he basically laughed at her when she wanted to buy said couch. 

[Neurochick]

Dear Larissa, if you’re afraid of heights, don’t come to NYC.  What a drama quee, Colti, I don’t like the heat/your house/Las Vegas/your mother/heights.  Damn, what else bothers you Larissa.

[Lily247]

1 hour ago, JennyMominFL said:

Good people can still get AIDS if they have sex without a condom. Im living proof of that.  I was on Samoan dudes side until he made the slut comment.

He made such a stupid comment. He has never used a condom before .... so how many kids does he have? I guess no condom use is why he has 8 siblings. Is sex ed not taught in Samoa ? His carefree attitude towards reproduction when he has nothing to provide for a child worries me. I hope they dont get pregnant again in the near future. 

I'm curious how Kalani got herself knocked up when she said she had sex with him after she purposely flew back to Samoa to see him. Was birth control not on her mind ... at all ? And no offense but I would not want to lose my virginity to Asuelo. 

Edited November 19, 2018 by Lily247

[iwasish]

26 minutes ago, eatsleep said:

So anyway, Jay does not have the benefit of institutionalized power, nor the feeling of superiority over Whites to be accurately labeled a racist. On the hierarchical ladder, he stands on a very low wrong, in his present situation. 

Racism, prejudice, bigotry and stereotype all mean different things.

I don't think Black Nigerians staring at Angela and White Americans staring at Jay are the same thing at all. Angela was treated great there; there isn't centuries worth of of Black oppression of White ppl in Nigeria. Totally different situation.

Re. fernanda, I'm calling BS on the "confidence" claim. Truly confident ppl don't have to constantly remind everyone of how sexy they are and how good their body is, etc. Nor do they ask their boyfriends to buy them plastic boobs and throw tantrums over drunk people dancing w/ their boyfriends. I think she is actually rather insecure.

I really don't understand Kalani et al's move to Utah. Are they planning on settling there permanently? If she wants to stay in LA, wouldn't it be a pain to try to interview for jobs, etc., from 6 hrs away. Why not just move in w/ her parents and focus on the job search?

I agree about Fernanda and confidence. Not sure if you saw the bonus scenes that showed her visiting her dad with Jon. I got a call in the middle of it but I thought there were some interesting dynamics there. Dad is a young good looking guy, but not sure how much contact she’s had with him over the years. Daddy is younger looking than Jon. Dad gives Jon the typical are you good enough for my daughter side eye but ends up giving his blessing. I came away from it with impression she has daddy issues. That’s why she’s with someone older. And she luvs the attention, at the gym, in the parking lot, at the club... I even think she enjoyed finding the tong, it gave her something to get sympathized with over. Go home and take care of your younger siblings and grow up. 

9 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

Dear Larissa, if you’re afraid of heights, don’t come to NYC.  What a drama quee, Colti, I don’t like the heat/your house/Las Vegas/your mother/heights.  Damn, what else bothers you Larissa.

But I likeE the biggieE ringE.

[iwasish]

10 minutes ago, Lily247 said:

I'm curious how Kalani got herself knocked up when she said she had sex with him after she purposely flew back to Samoa to see him. Was birth control not on her mind ... at all ? And no offense but I would not want to lose my virginity to Asuelo. 

I doubt she had any virginity to lose with Asuelu or several before him. 

[Gobi]

8 hours ago, Granny58 said:

I'm not sure (yet) Larissa is a harpy, but Dolt sure is an asshole.  I used to kinda like him...thought he was undiagnosed or misunderstood or something.  Really, all we've seen her ask for immediately is a couch and a car with A/C....and she hasn't gotten either!   It is reasonable to expect that a person working in IT can afford both.  He just does not seem to care a whit about her feelings.  And whenever we've seen her upset he NEVER tries to see her point of view, only tells her to be calm and is dismissive.   That is going to become very frustrating for her.  So far, I am team Larissa.  

in this shirt, it's more "eggplant" like.  LOL.

He's already planned their honeymoon. They'll go back to his old stomping grounds, Seattle, and have dinner in the space needle every night.

[LGGirl]

I liked Leida’s family.  They seemed like nice people.  I would be as concern as they if my daughter was going to live in those conditions.  Leida will be the step mother from hell.  Eric’s distain for Leida’s family was palpable.   Leida’s son needs to go back home with his grandparents.  

Coltee is a grade one asshat.  He loves his mind games and tormenting Larissa.  There is something just sick about him.  Add Debbie and her special brand of manipulation to the mix and Larissa doesn’t even have a chance. No, Debbie, your cheapskate son did not pay a lot for that ring.  No, Colt, you don’t cherish and love your fiancée. 

Baby Ritchie is adorable but will not have a chance with those two.  Neither one is mature or ready to raise a kid.  The baby would be so much better off if he were adopted by a loving, more mature, married couple.   Steven is making the birth of his son all about him.  It’s not.  The baby is not a cure all to make his loss as a child go away.  

Fernanda isn’t ready to get married.  Neither is Jonathan.  If Jonathan isn’t man enough to tell his family about his engagement, then he definitely has issues that need to be addressed before marriage.  Fernanda is too immature.  Other than sex, they really have nothing in common.  

Jay and Ashley: Jay is twenty.   He will not be faithful for long.  Glad to see Ashley’s kids not on the show.

The cultural divide between Kalani and Asuelo is just too great.  I don’t think Asuelo is slow because he does know English.  He just has a different set of values.  There is nothing wrong with that.  I just don’t see him adjusting to the American way if life.  It’s obvious that Kalani looks down on him.   Poor guy has no chance.  

[eatsleep]

26 minutes ago, Lily247 said:

And no offense but I would not want to lose my virginity to Asuelo. 

Ughhhh he is so unappealing. Nothing wrong w/ his looks. I'm talking about the Samoan Forrest Gump act. No way she didn't feel like she was abusing an invalid when she smashed. No way. 

[LGGirl]

The one thing I have noticed this season, with the exception of Steven/Olga and Colt/Larissa, the American is much older than their fiancée.  Why?  Is it a control thing?   Ego boost?   Personally, I guess I could see hooking up with a younger guy as a vacation fling.  I could never see it gong any further.  What would we have in common?  

I just don’t get it. 

[Toaster Strudel]

So you're afraid of heights?

Let me take you to the highest place in Vegas, in an interminable elevator ride.

Once up there, I'm going to sit down, snidely invite you to "enjoy the view." To drive the point home, I, a known miser, am going to spring for a cocktail - just to let you know we're going to be here a while as I relax, and perversely enjoy you freaking out slowly as you choke on your water.

To justify my sadism, I'm going to propose down on one knee, ostentatiously showing my distaste for the whole exercise by doing it so quickly that it looks like my knee gave out for a second, and will mumble, barely audibly: "hurr durr, uh, marriage?"

They sure make nice rings with cubic zirconia nowadays.

"I love her enough to put up with her crap" haha, that marriage is going to last forever, right?

Edited November 19, 2018 by Toaster Strudel

[iwasish]

they were in the restaurant on their romantic get away and Jon ordered the bacon wrapped scallops, Fernanda made a face before even tasting it. I laughed when Jon took his cap off and turned it backwards while trying to convince her to try it. He looked like George Costanza when he had the man crush on Elaine’s boyfriend Tony (He’s So Cool !!) 

16 minutes ago, eatsleep said:

Ughhhh he is so unappealing. Nothing wrong w/ his looks. I'm talking about the Samoan Forrest Gump act. No way she didn't feel like she was abusing an invalid when she smashed. No way. 

Can you imagine him driving 90 miles an hour? Can you imagine him driving? 

[iwasish]

7 minutes ago, Toaster Strudel said:

So you're afraid of heights?

Let me take you to the highest place in Vegas, in an interminable elevator ride.

Once up there, I'm going to sit down, snidely invite you to "enjoy the view." To drive the point home, I, a known miser, am going to spring for a cocktail - just to let you know we're going to be here a while as I relax, and perversely enjoy you freaking out slowly as you choke on your water.

To justify my sadism, I'm going to propose down on one knee, ostentatiously showing my distaste for the whole exercise by doing it so quickly that it looks like my knee gave out for a second, and will mumble, barely audibly: "hurr durr, uh, marriage?"

They sure make nice rings with cubic zirconia nowadays.

You know Larissa is getting her ass to the closest pawn shop to get an appraisal, air conditioning or not. Maybe that’s what caused the argumentE?

[PinkFlamingo]

I think I know why Eric has no money. He is skipping out on work to secretively attend the Steve Bannon school of personal hygiene. He has the unwashed half-drunk-lying in a gutter part down, now he just needs to work on being more toad-like. 

[Empress1]

49 minutes ago, LGGirl said:

The baby is not a cure all to make [Steven's] loss as a child go away.  

Not to mention that he said he grew up in a household with a lot of yelling so doesn't want Olga to talk to him a certain way, but doesn't get that he's mirroring the behavior he grew up in by the way that HE speaks to HER. You could see the anger simmering just beneath the surface in the talking heads when he was talking about anything he didn't like (Russian hospital rules, Olga not doing what he wanted, etc.).

5 minutes ago, PinkFlamingo said:

I think I know why Eric has no money. He is skipping out on work to secretively attend the Steve Bannon school of personal hygiene. He has the unwashed half-drunk-lying in a gutter part down, now he just needs to work on being more toad-like. 

It also looks like he spends a lot on his car. It looks like a newish SUV. 

His living quarters may have to be small if that's what he can afford, but they don't have to be dirty. There is zero reason for there to be garbage strewn around that place like it was.

Edited November 19, 2018 by Empress1

[magemaud]

3 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

I do not understand why she quit her job. She has a newborn! Asuelu cannot work in the immediate future. Does she expect her parents to pick up the slack financially?!!

I suspect she'll be getting a paycheck from Sharp Entertainment for a few episodes-just like the American half of the other 90 Day couples-and the more drama, the more episodes she's filmed in! 

[Kath94]

2 minutes ago, magemaud said:

I suspect she'll be getting a paycheck from Sharp Entertainment for a few episodes-just like the American half of the other 90 Day couples-and the more drama, the more episodes she's filmed in! 

You're probably right, but at age 30 I would have thought she'd have SOME sort of career going. Is she planning to get a fast food or retail store job in Utah?  These days any gap in employment can be a problem when seeking a new job.

[Maximadc]

On 11/12/2018 at 1:46 PM, shockermolar said:

Honestly this all boils down to be 19. 19 year girls are walking bundles of drama. 19 year old girls are relying on their amygdala, which is what causes "drama" and haven't completely formed their frontal cortex, which basically controls the way we handle the drama the amygdala experiences. She's 19, she's already mad that he's drunk, he apparently has some past history of drinking too much (shocker) at clubs, she's already told him he needs to stop drinking, and she walks up to a strange woman grinding on him She explodes. Because she's 19. Maybe she also would at 25 or 30 - who's to say at this point. But maybe he could wait until she's not an adolescent to marry him and then he'd know for sure.

Anfisa was 19 too when she arrived to the US

[Scarlett45]

40 minutes ago, magemaud said:

I suspect she'll be getting a paycheck from Sharp Entertainment for a few episodes-just like the American half of the other 90 Day couples-and the more drama, the more episodes she's filmed in! 

 

36 minutes ago, Kath94 said:

You're probably right, but at age 30 I would have thought she'd have SOME sort of career going. Is she planning to get a fast food or retail store job in Utah?  These days any gap in employment can be a problem when seeking a new job.

But that amount of money cannot be enough to live on can it? I would think the TLC check would be a nice little stash not a way to buy groceries but what do I know.....