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Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality


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I was thinking about this while taking a walk. I can think of four occasions on TV where a person in their thirties or later have either never seen their birth certificate or didn't pay very close attention to them if they did.  In Too Close For Comfort, Muriel found out she was adopted because her mother had to give her her b.c so she could get a passport.  In Mad About You, Jamie finds out that her mother fudged her birthdate by one day so she could start school early and found out while going through a box of stuff her mom gave her when she was moving.  In King of Queens, Doug gets mad when he finds out that his parents have lied to him all his life and that he was born in Canada.  And on Everybody Loves Raymond, Robert finds out his parents got married because Marie was pregnant with him and they lied aobut his birthday by a few months so he wouldn't find out. 

All these people were at least 30 years old, married, had jobs (with the possible exception of Muriel) and the 2 guys, at least, had driver's licenses.  Add to that, Robert was a cop. I imagine the NYPD would do a thorough background check and an applicant lying about his birthday would at least raise enough red flags that they would ask about it.  But, I'm not sure about getting married, but you can't get a DL without a BC, and you need at least 2 forms of ID to get a job, and if one of them isn't a BC, whataver you're using, you would probably need a BC to get.

  • Love 10
4 hours ago, Katy M said:

I was thinking about this while taking a walk. I can think of four occasions on TV where a person in their thirties or later have either never seen their birth certificate or didn't pay very close attention to them if they did.  In Too Close For Comfort, Muriel found out she was adopted because her mother had to give her her b.c so she could get a passport.  In Mad About You, Jamie finds out that her mother fudged her birthdate by one day so she could start school early and found out while going through a box of stuff her mom gave her when she was moving.  In King of Queens, Doug gets mad when he finds out that his parents have lied to him all his life and that he was born in Canada.  And on Everybody Loves Raymond, Robert finds out his parents got married because Marie was pregnant with him and they lied aobut his birthday by a few months so he wouldn't find out. 

All these people were at least 30 years old, married, had jobs (with the possible exception of Muriel) and the 2 guys, at least, had driver's licenses.  Add to that, Robert was a cop. I imagine the NYPD would do a thorough background check and an applicant lying about his birthday would at least raise enough red flags that they would ask about it.  But, I'm not sure about getting married, but you can't get a DL without a BC, and you need at least 2 forms of ID to get a job, and if one of them isn't a BC, whataver you're using, you would probably need a BC to get.

Too Close For Comfort would not fit until the very end of its run, the Federal I-9 requirement began with the Simpson Mazzoli Act of 1986. Before then maybe not for NYPD but for most there were no formal laws to be broken and fake IDs without DNA test let married aunts being able to take in the child of her single sister was a real thing. One of my wife's aunts gave up her child legally immigrated and it took the then available DNA to avoid having her naturalization stripped and petition her daughter for family reunification.

Edited by Raja
On 16/09/2017 at 11:46 AM, shapeshifter said:

I think this always happens on TV and at least does not always happen in real life:
An accomplice or undercover victim will be wearing "a wire" to record the evil doer gloating about his/her exploits, and literally moments before the cops arrive to take down the evil doer, the evil doer will rip open the shirt of the poor mope* wearing the wire and come this close to killing him/her.

 

*"poor mope" ™ Lennie Briscoe, Fin Tutuola, et al.

That is because even today with the ability to make a tiny recording device that can look like just about anything if you have to wear a wire it will be a cassette recorder taped to your chest.

21 hours ago, Katy M said:

I was thinking about this while taking a walk. I can think of four occasions on TV where a person in their thirties or later have either never seen their birth certificate or didn't pay very close attention to them if they did.  In Too Close For Comfort, Muriel found out she was adopted because her mother had to give her her b.c so she could get a passport.  In Mad About You, Jamie finds out that her mother fudged her birthdate by one day so she could start school early and found out while going through a box of stuff her mom gave her when she was moving.  In King of Queens, Doug gets mad when he finds out that his parents have lied to him all his life and that he was born in Canada.  And on Everybody Loves Raymond, Robert finds out his parents got married because Marie was pregnant with him and they lied aobut his birthday by a few months so he wouldn't find out. 

Hank Hill had the same thing. He found out as an adult that he was born in New York when he wasn't able to get a "Born in Texas" license plate.

  • Love 2
22 hours ago, Katy M said:

I was thinking about this while taking a walk. I can think of four occasions on TV where a person in their thirties or later have either never seen their birth certificate or didn't pay very close attention to them if they did.  In Too Close For Comfort, Muriel found out she was adopted because her mother had to give her her b.c so she could get a passport.  In Mad About You, Jamie finds out that her mother fudged her birthdate by one day so she could start school early and found out while going through a box of stuff her mom gave her when she was moving.  In King of Queens, Doug gets mad when he finds out that his parents have lied to him all his life and that he was born in Canada.  And on Everybody Loves Raymond, Robert finds out his parents got married because Marie was pregnant with him and they lied aobut his birthday by a few months so he wouldn't find out. 

All these people were at least 30 years old, married, had jobs (with the possible exception of Muriel) and the 2 guys, at least, had driver's licenses.  Add to that, Robert was a cop. I imagine the NYPD would do a thorough background check and an applicant lying about his birthday would at least raise enough red flags that they would ask about it.  But, I'm not sure about getting married, but you can't get a DL without a BC, and you need at least 2 forms of ID to get a job, and if one of them isn't a BC, whataver you're using, you would probably need a BC to get.

Actually, I think pre-9/11 this was probably more legitimate. You actually have to prove who you are these days, when back then it wasn't all that difficult. 

In fact, when I was in college back in the early 90s I lost my social security card and  didn't realize it until I arrived for my first day on a new job, I had my driver's license, but couldn't find my social security card and the only birth certificate I had back then was the hospital-issued one, not the official state-issued one. I walked into the nearest social security office, told them I'd lost my social security card; they didn't even ask me for ID, just asked for my number and handed over a new card. Oh how times have changed! 

Anyway, I can probably count on one hand the number of times I needed my birth certificate prior to 9/11--which is to say, I don't remember ever needing it. Granted, I probably did need it to get my driver's license when I was 16, but as long as I had that and my social security card, I didn't need my birth certificate. So, I can see how this could've happened prior to 9/11--even though it is a plot contrivance--but it's totally implausible to me now. 

  • Love 1
1 hour ago, DittyDotDot said:

Actually, I think pre-9/11 this was probably more legitimate. You actually have to prove who you are these days, when back then it wasn't all that difficult. 

No, I don't think that's true.  I got my driver's permit in 1987.  I needed my birth certificate.  And, every job I've ever had I've needed to show 2 forms of ID.  And I've only gotten one job post 9/11.  Then, of course, you need a birth certificate to get a passport, and Jamie seems like the type that would have a passport.

 

1 hour ago, DittyDotDot said:

Granted, I probably did need it to get my driver's license when I was 16, but as long as I had that and my social security card,

See, you're proving my point.  You admit that you needed some form of ID that you needed your birth certificate to get.  I'm not saying these people would have been constantly whipping out their birth certificate, just that they would have seen it at some point in time prior to their thirties when they would be blindsided by some secret of their birth.  Like their birthday.

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4 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

Do you mind sharing in what town or city this was?

I was working in Yellowstone for the summer, but can't remember if I had to backtrack all the way to Bozeman or if there was a closer office I visited. It was over 25 years ago, the detail that stands out is they didn't ask me for identification more than anything. I used to tell that story quite a bit when people would say they didn't understand how someone can get away with stealing someone's identity. As a sidenote, I didn't think anything of them not asking for ID until  later in the day after someone asked me how I could get a new social security card without a birth certificate. That's when I went, "Hey, they didn't ask me for any ID, now that I think about it." 

3 minutes ago, Katy M said:

See, you're proving my point.  You admit that you needed some form of ID that you needed your birth certificate to get.  I'm not saying these people would have been constantly whipping out their birth certificate, just that they would have seen it at some point in time prior to their thirties when they would be blindsided by some secret of their birth.  Like their birthday.

I'm assuming I needed my birth certificate to get my driver's license, but I wasn't really concerned about that aspect of getting my license so I don't recall. My mom was with me though, so maybe she provided my birth certificate? I really don't remember. 

I've had the hospital-issued birth certificate since I went to college, but since I knew it wasn't a valid form of identification, it's always been filed away and I don't recall looking at it until about 10 years ago when I had to order a copy of the official state-issued one to apply for a passport. Which, BTW, I was in my 30s at that time.

So, like I said, it's a plot contrivance, but I can see it plausible that someone in their 30s had never seen their birth certificate because I don't recall looking at mine until I was 30. However, I didn't learn some shocking revelation about my birth when I did look at it though.

I just think it's less plausible for someone in their 30s today, though. It just seems like you need your birth certificate for everything these days, but again, having the document doesn't mean you've looked at it.

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16 minutes ago, Bastet said:

Another far more common on TV than in real life thing is people learning the story of how they were conceived, and it always being A Story.  Nobody's parents just had sex in their own bed and got pregnant, it's always some weird, wild, embarrassing tale.

Yes and apparently the parents don't have sex multiple times in a one week period or anything, since they know the exact moment of conception.  And, some crazy hijinks always surrounds the birth.

  • Love 5

Or you find out that your conception was unplanned and you are hurt.  HURT!, I tell you.  Never mind that you grew up wanting for nothing in a loving home, the fact that your existence is the result of a drunken evening when your parents threw caution to the wind is devastating.

Edited by kiddo82
  • Love 8
5 hours ago, DittyDotDot said:

Actually, I think pre-9/11 this was probably more legitimate. You actually have to prove who you are these days, when back then it wasn't all that difficult. 

In fact, when I was in college back in the early 90s I lost my social security card and  didn't realize it until I arrived for my first day on a new job, I had my driver's license, but couldn't find my social security card and the only birth certificate I had back then was the hospital-issued one, not the official state-issued one. I walked into the nearest social security office, told them I'd lost my social security card; they didn't even ask me for ID, just asked for my number and handed over a new card. Oh how times have changed! 

Anyway, I can probably count on one hand the number of times I needed my birth certificate prior to 9/11--which is to say, I don't remember ever needing it. Granted, I probably did need it to get my driver's license when I was 16, but as long as I had that and my social security card, I didn't need my birth certificate. So, I can see how this could've happened prior to 9/11--even though it is a plot contrivance--but it's totally implausible to me now. 

If things have changed, I don't think it's just 9/11.  It's probably way easier these days to get someone else's SSN (or whatever) than it used to be, so there's a greater risk/prevalence of identity theft.

But let's say for the sake of argument that for Robert on Everybody Love's Raymond, the mom produced Robert's birth certificate at the time he got his first driver's license.  One of two things would have happened.  Robert fills out the form with what he thinks is his birthday and then the DMV person sees that the date on the application doesn't match up with what's on the birth certificate, and the jig is up.  Or else the mom fills out the form for him so that he doesn't see either and the date does match up, and then, what, he goes the next 20 years without looking at his driver's license?  It doesn't make sense.

I saw an episode of Roseanne recently where they revealed that Jackie's name wasn't actually Jackie.  I found that ridiculous.  I think the mom wasn't sure if it ever got legally changed.  Well either the mom doesn't remember getting her child's name changed, which I find hard to believe, or Jackie never saw her birth certificate, which I also find hard to believe.

Edited by janie jones
  • Love 6
3 hours ago, janie jones said:

I saw an episode of Roseanne recently where they revealed that Jackie's name wasn't actually Jackie.  I found that ridiculous.  I think the mom wasn't sure if it ever got legally changed.  Well either the mom doesn't remember getting her child's name changed, which I find hard to believe, or Jackie never saw her birth certificate, which I also find hard to believe.

My father didn't find out that what he thought was his first name was actually his middle name until he enlisted in the Army, but then he was born in 1923, so that's more understandable.

 

 

4 hours ago, Katy M said:

Yes and apparently the parents don't have sex multiple times in a one week period or anything, since they know the exact moment of conception.

I don't have a problem with knowing the moment, since I know when all of mine happened; it can depend upon what sort of birth control you use, how easily you conceive, etc.
I have bigger issues with the Only On TV trope of the mother not knowing who the father is because she doesn't know the exact moment of conception.

3 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

I don't have a problem with knowing the moment, since I know when all of mine happened; it can depend upon what sort of birth control you use, how easily you conceive, etc.

I have bigger issues with the Only On TV trope of the mother not knowing who the father is because she doesn't know the exact moment of conception.

Only on TV?  I think those "Who's the Daddy?" shows prove that theory wrong.

  • Love 5
48 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

My father didn't find out that what he thought was his first name was actually his middle name until he enlisted in the Army, but then he was born in 1923, so that's more understandable.

 

Not quite the same thing but I literally did not know my grandfather's first name was actually his middle name until his wake.

  • Love 2
1 hour ago, shapeshifter said:

My father didn't find out that what he thought was his first name was actually his middle name until he enlisted in the Army, but then he was born in 1923, so that's more understandable.

 

40 minutes ago, kiddo82 said:

Not quite the same thing but I literally did not know my grandfather's first name was actually his middle name until his wake.

My grandfather's middle initial is listed as "D" in some records. He didn't have a middle name, but the military insisted on a middle initial way back when, so he told them "D". It stood for "Dink", his nickname. So we laugh and know where that source got a middle initial for him.

  • Love 3
17 hours ago, DittyDotDot said:

In fact, when I was in college back in the early 90s I lost my social security card and  didn't realize it until I arrived for my first day on a new job, I had my driver's license, but couldn't find my social security card and the only birth certificate I had back then was the hospital-issued one, not the official state-issued one. I walked into the nearest social security office, told them I'd lost my social security card; they didn't even ask me for ID, just asked for my number and handed over a new card. Oh how times have changed! 

My son recently lost his SS card (claims I had it, which I vehemently deny, but that's neither here nor there) and had to get a replacement.  He was able to order it online, using only his drivers license for ID.  It was mailed to the address on his license.  (Which happens to be my address, so now I do have the card.)  Took a couple weeks to get the new one.  I'm surprised he didn't have to jump through more hoops to get a new card.

  • Love 2
21 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

My father didn't find out that what he thought was his first name was actually his middle name until he enlisted in the Army, but then he was born in 1923, so that's more understandable.

My father in law didn't find out what his real first name was until he was about 70.  He had served in WWII, had a drivers license, umpteen college degrees, got married, etc.  His parents kept his birth certificate, then his sister had it after they passed away.  He got it when she died.  His real first name was Jackson, not Jack.  It happens.

  • Love 3
11 hours ago, Haleth said:

My son recently lost his SS card (claims I had it, which I vehemently deny, but that's neither here nor there) and had to get a replacement.  He was able to order it online, using only his drivers license for ID.  It was mailed to the address on his license.  (Which happens to be my address, so now I do have the card.)  Took a couple weeks to get the new one.  I'm surprised he didn't have to jump through more hoops to get a new card.

My daughter had to replace hers about 8 years ago, and we first had to replace her birth certificate to get the social security card. I don't know how she managed to lose it all and not get her identity stolen.
If you don't mind sharing, what state were you in, @Haleth? We were in Illinois.

4 minutes ago, kiddo82 said:

Always on TV (if not only on TV):  Rage boxing.  Rage running.  Rage push ups.  Rage etc.  Working through some demons?  There will be a sequence of you rage exercising.  

Ha! Where's the rage eating? Rage yelling! Yeah, tortured people on TV are some healthy mo-fos. 

  • Love 11
11 minutes ago, BoogieBurns said:

...and breakup ice cream.

Which must be eaten straight out of the container.  (Which is how I eat ice cream, since I live by myself and see no reason to dirty a bowl, so no huffing that TV characters eating ice cream that way is unrealistic, just that it's a rule that all break-up ice cream be consumed that way.)

  • Love 8
8 hours ago, Bastet said:

Which must be eaten straight out of the container.  (Which is how I eat ice cream, since I live by myself and see no reason to dirty a bowl, so no huffing that TV characters eating ice cream that way is unrealistic, just that it's a rule that all break-up ice cream be consumed that way.)

But only break up ice cream is eaten that way on tv.   No one thinks to save a bowl as you do.    Nope, all other times, ice cream is scooped out perfectly and 3 scoops are placed in the bowl.   No half scoops, no chunks, just 3 perfect scoops.

  • Love 3
15 hours ago, BoogieBurns said:

...and breakup ice cream.

...and crying in the shower while doing a wall slide.

6 hours ago, merylinkid said:

But only break up ice cream is eaten that way on tv.   No one thinks to save a bowl as you do.    Nope, all other times, ice cream is scooped out perfectly and 3 scoops are placed in the bowl.   No half scoops, no chunks, just 3 perfect scoops.

If you do have an ice cream cone, the ice cream will fall off the cone.

  • Love 6
On 9/26/2017 at 2:06 PM, ChromaKelly said:

...and crying in the shower while doing a wall slide.

Precisely the reason why everyone on tv has a bathroom with a stand alone shower stall.  Have to accommodate the dramatic, crying wall slide.  The poor folks who only have a shower as part of their bathtub  can never know the dramatic release of the crying wall slide.

  • Love 9

That reminds me. Does anyone in real life actually lean against the back of the bathtub to unwind? I tried that once because it looks like the thing to do on TV and it was very uncomfortable and made bits of my hair wet.

I also tried splashing water to wash my face from the sink like they do in those face cleanser commercials. It just got water everywhere making a huge mess.

  • Love 13
1 hour ago, Snow Apple said:

That reminds me. Does anyone in real life actually lean against the back of the bathtub to unwind?

Yes, but I have a bath pillow that attaches via suction cups, so I'm not resting the back of my head or base of my skull against cast iron.

I think I'm pretty stereotypical when I take a bath - other than the fact the bubble layer is not five feet thick, doesn't last for hours, and doesn't have the ability to keep my breasts covered no matter how I move.  But I have wine and a lot of candles.  Which I have to make sure my cat doesn't mess with (the candles, not the wine) -- they don't usually show that part on TV.

  • Love 11
1 hour ago, Snow Apple said:

That reminds me. Does anyone in real life actually lean against the back of the bathtub to unwind? I tried that once because it looks like the thing to do on TV and it was very uncomfortable and made bits of my hair wet.

I also tried splashing water to wash my face from the sink like they do in those face cleanser commercials. It just got water everywhere making a huge mess.

 

2 minutes ago, Bastet said:

Yes, but I have a bath pillow that attaches via suction cups, so I'm not resting the back of my head or base of my skull against cast iron.

I think I'm pretty stereotypical when I take a bath - other than the fact the bubble layer is not five feet thick, doesn't last for hours, and doesn't have the ability to keep my breasts covered no matter how I move.  But I have wine and a lot of candles.  Which I have to make sure my cat doesn't mess with (the candles, not the wine) -- they don't usually show that part on TV.

I lean against the back of it, and my hair does get wet, I also start to sink, so I have to keep shifting back up. I open the window, and have a large fan running, otherwise I go dizzy, if the water is hot (or close to it). No candles (fire hazard - I'm clumsy, and have pets that would send them flying - I can just see myself setting the shower curtain on fire, or tipping a candle out of the window, and the grass igniting. 

Splashing water never gets the cleanser off my face. I have to put it under the shower - and yeah, it makes a real mess at the sink. 

  • Love 2
1 hour ago, Anela said:

Splashing water never gets the cleanser off my face. I have to put it under the shower - and yeah, it makes a real mess at the sink. 

I've never been able to splash water on my face over the sink without making a mess. The only way I can get cleanser off my splashing water is if I use a particular brand I like along with a spinning face brush that I use. The brush isn't a Clarasonic so it's been ok for me to use daily.

  • Love 1
2 hours ago, Snow Apple said:

That reminds me. Does anyone in real life actually lean against the back of the bathtub to unwind? I tried that once because it looks like the thing to do on TV and it was very uncomfortable and made bits of my hair wet.

I didn't realize people didn't lean against the tub!  You just sit up straight?

  • Love 3

I've never had someone who I've just met lean and kiss me when I was dating someone else, but does everyone who has had that happen to them tell their S.O about it?  I can see talking about it IF you kissed back because maybe if you enjoyed it and kissed back, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship and have a serious talk with your S.O, but if you immediately push the other person away and say "I'm in a relationship"?  People on tv always confess to that one and it seems to me that it creates some unnecessary drama and hard feelings. 

  • Love 2

I both lean back in the bathtub and splash my face when I wash it.

I have short hair, so it only gets the bottom bit wet. When I had long hair, I pinned it up first.

The water splashing is never the way it's shown on TV. I lean way over the sink and splash individual parts of my face. It takes 20-25 splashes. Yes, I count.

I have never had that happen, @Shannon L., but I imagine it would depend on whether you think your SO is going to hear about it from someone else. If so, it would be better to tell. Of course on TV, that means the kissee won't tell and someone else will.

  • Love 1
1 hour ago, Shannon L. said:

I've never had someone who I've just met lean and kiss me when I was dating someone else, but does everyone who has had that happen to them tell their S.O about it?  I can see talking about it IF you kissed back because maybe if you enjoyed it and kissed back, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship and have a serious talk with your S.O, but if you immediately push the other person away and say "I'm in a relationship"?  People on tv always confess to that one and it seems to me that it creates some unnecessary drama and hard feelings. 

I would absolutely tell my husband.  But I wouldn't be "confessing" it, it would be a "You would not believe the nerve of this guy today..."

  • Love 7
1 hour ago, auntlada said:

I both lean back in the bathtub and splash my face when I wash it.

I have short hair, so it only gets the bottom bit wet. When I had long hair, I pinned it up first.

The water splashing is never the way it's shown on TV. I lean way over the sink and splash individual parts of my face. It takes 20-25 splashes. Yes, I count.

I have never had that happen, @Shannon L., but I imagine it would depend on whether you think your SO is going to hear about it from someone else. If so, it would be better to tell. Of course on TV, that means the kissee won't tell and someone else will.

I count things like the number of spoonfuls of half and half I put in my tea. To get it just right. :) 

8 hours ago, Shannon L. said:

I've never had someone who I've just met lean and kiss me when I was dating someone else, but does everyone who has had that happen to them tell their S.O about it?  I can see talking about it IF you kissed back because maybe if you enjoyed it and kissed back, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship and have a serious talk with your S.O, but if you immediately push the other person away and say "I'm in a relationship"?  People on tv always confess to that one and it seems to me that it creates some unnecessary drama and hard feelings. 

It would cause more unnecessary drama if the other person told them or someone else. So, if you're completely alone with a stranger, keep it to yourself.  Otherwise, if there's any chance of someone else telling SO, do it yourself.

On 9/30/2017 at 11:24 AM, janie jones said:

I would absolutely tell my husband.  But I wouldn't be "confessing" it, it would be a "You would not believe the nerve of this guy today..."

And on TV, the husband/boyfriend/SO will confront the kisser and try to kick his ass. Especially if it's his best friend. There's never a simple "Dude, what the hell is wrong with you? Stay away from my woman. And we aren't friends anymore."

  • Love 1
14 hours ago, topanga said:

And on TV, the husband/boyfriend/SO will confront the kisser and try to kick his ass. Especially if it's his best friend. There's never a simple "Dude, what the hell is wrong with you? Stay away from my woman. And we aren't friends anymore."

And then they hug it out, and all is forgiven.

  • Love 2

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