Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[maraleia]

Only on TV will people be able to open their windows or doors and not have a screen blocking their access to the outdoors. Screens keep insects, flies and bees out of the house for crying out loud.

[Bastet]

That's not only on TV, though (more frequently on TV than in real life, though, probably because screens don't look good on camera - and might impede storyline hijinks); I've traveled a fair bit, and there are areas of the country and world in which window screens are not common, yet people keep them open.  I distinctly remember wondering about it as a kid, the first time I encountered "naked" open windows, but I've long since grown used to it as a possibility.

My windows have retractable screens (because I find screens ugly and magnets for dust, so I want them tucked away other than when I need them), and I don't open them without pulling the screens down, but only one of my doors does, and I frequently leave one or two of the others open without issue during daylight; the occasional something flies in along with the fresh air, yes, but they either fly back out, I shoo them out, or their short lifespan expires. 

Edited March 7, 2017 by Bastet

[ari333]

On ‎2‎/‎25‎/‎2017 at 2:50 PM, ganesh said:

I've been watching the Mary Tyler Moore Show on hulu because it was on slightly before my time. In the second season opening theme, there's a shot of Mary walking with groceries with the break sticking up out of the bag. I was thrilled to see the bread gag is actually older than me!

Hee. I have wondered the same thing about the long bread, unwrapped, sticking out of the grocery bag. If it were my bread, it'd be all stiff and stale when I got home.

Loved MTM. Rest in peace.

[ganesh]

Mary's bread was wrapped. She's a sensible, modern woman!

[zxy556575]

With exceptions for those with health problems, nobody I know sleeps with three pillows propping them up at a 45 degree angle. Every couple on TV does because it's not easy to film conversations with the actors lying flat.

If one person is shown sleeping on his/her side, it's only so the other person can slide over to spoon them and we can see that he/she is not really asleep.

If someone is alone in the bed, they're free to sprawl flat on their stomachs with only a sheet (barely) covering them.

[shapeshifter]

3 hours ago, Lord Donia said:

. . . If someone is alone in the bed, they're free to sprawl flat on their stomachs with only a sheet (barely) covering them.

Now that you mention it, I'm pretty sure that only on TV if someone is shown alone in bed, about 90% of the time that person will be dead. 

[ChromaKelly]

13 hours ago, Lord Donia said:

With exceptions for those with health problems, nobody I know sleeps with three pillows propping them up at a 45 degree angle. Every couple on TV does because it's not easy to film conversations with the actors lying flat.

If one person is shown sleeping on his/her side, it's only so the other person can slide over to spoon them and we can see that he/she is not really asleep.

If someone is alone in the bed, they're free to sprawl flat on their stomachs with only a sheet (barely) covering them.

If you don't cuddle and spoon with your SO in bed, then something is wrong!!! I'm of the 'don't f-ing touch me' variety of sleeper. You go your way, I'll go mine. Unless you want to get down.

[zxy556575]

10 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

Now that you mention it, I'm pretty sure that only on TV if someone is shown alone in bed, about 90% of the time that person will be dead. 

Ha!

And if the person is dead, there's a 90% chance the shot we see of them will be overhead from the ceiling.

[Bastet]

4 hours ago, ChromaKelly said:

If you don't cuddle and spoon with your SO in bed, then something is wrong!!! 

And where a male/female couple consists of one cuddle sleeper and one normal sleeper, on TV it will always be the woman who wants to cuddle and the man who wants to be able to sleep without someone breathing on him or restricting his movement. 

Edited March 10, 2017 by Bastet

[riley702]

Well of course! We wimminfolk are clingy, don't ya know? <rolleyes>

[Katy M]

On ‎3‎/‎6‎/‎2017 at 10:09 PM, Albanyguy said:

Only on TV are houses and offices equipped with heating/air conditioning ducts that are easily accessible, completely free of dust and cobwebs and wide enough for two people to crawl through comfortably. This greatly facilitates eavesdropping, hiding from burglars and other wacky hijinks.

 

Forget air ducts.  Nobody on TV ever has any dust bunnies or pet fur (even when they have pets) anywhere. 

[kiddo82]

6 hours ago, Bastet said:

And where a male/female couple consists of one cuddle sleeper and one normal sleeper, on TV it will always be the woman who wants to cuddle and the man who wants to be able to sleep without someone breathing on him or restricting his movement. 

Chandler Bing voice:  "And I thought you two were 'cuddley sleepers'"

And to your point, Rachel liked to cuddle.  Ross did not.

[Joe]

According to TV, women are insane for chocolate. From what I've seen of real life, they certainly enjoy it, but not to the same degree.

[legaleagle53]

12 hours ago, ChromaKelly said:

If you don't cuddle and spoon with your SO in bed, then something is wrong!!! I'm of the 'don't f-ing touch me' variety of sleeper. You go your way, I'll go mine. Unless you want to get down.

And, of course,  if you're a man, you'll be back to "Don't touch me!" once funtime is over, even if the woman is still raring to go.

2 hours ago, kiddo82 said:

Chandler Bing voice:  "And I thought you two were 'cuddley sleepers'"

And to your point, Rachel liked to cuddle.  Ross did not.

At least, not with Rachel.  But he didn't mind cuddling with Joey when they discovered that they liked taking naps together -- until everyone else caught them doing it.

[zxy556575]

5 hours ago, Joe said:

According to TV, women are insane for chocolate. From what I've seen of real life, they certainly enjoy it, but not to the same degree.

Every woman on TV is also insane for shoes. If not, she's a lesbian.

[Joe]

9 minutes ago, Lord Donia said:

Every woman on TV is also insane for shoes. If not, she's a lesbian.

I dunno, this one has some real proponents. My aunt is pretty much an Imelda Marcos wannabe in that respect. :)

[andromeda331]

When chasing after a suspect down the street or really anywhere the suspect will always knock people down on purpose or shove them down. I guess to show he's a jerk on top of being a bad guy? 

[shapeshifter]

1 hour ago, andromeda331 said:

When chasing after a suspect down the street or really anywhere the suspect will always knock people down on purpose or shove them down. I guess to show he's a jerk on top of being a bad guy? 

And those same fictional suspects must watch a lot of crime shows on TV so that they know to stop long enough to knock over shelves, barrels, garbage cans, etc. directly behind them to slow the pursuit of the "good" guys.

[Anela]

27 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

And those same fictional suspects must watch a lot of crime shows on TV so that they know to stop long enough to knock over shelves, barrels, garbage cans, etc. directly behind them to slow the pursuit of the "good" guys.

I was just going to say that same thing. ha!

Earlier on, on TV, I watched yet another man, walk away from an explosion, like a super hero. This massive explosion, and he's still standing? 

[NutMeg]

When there is a time bomb, the "good guy" always manages to disarm at the last second - never with, for instance, 40 seconds to spare. That makes me think that the "good guy" must be addicted to the adrenaline rush. Sometimes, he even takes care of the fallen comrade who has a twisted ankle or some such curable injury before starting working on disarming the time bomb that will kill them both if it goes off. Like he wanted to play some alternative version of Russian roulette. Adrenaline junkie!   

[andromeda331]

Its very easy to handcuff someone without them realizing their being handcuffed.

[vibeology]

9 hours ago, Anela said:

Earlier on, on TV, I watched yet another man, walk away from an explosion, like a super hero. This massive explosion, and he's still standing? 

Was it Scandal? Because I saw that on Scandal this week and immediately thought of here! It's just ridiculous. Jake was as close to the cabin on one side as Quinn and Huck were on the other. They were knocked off their feet and Jake just kept walking like a boss. What is that?

[Haleth]

^ I was thinking the same thing.

[Anela]

2 hours ago, vibeology said:

Was it Scandal? Because I saw that on Scandal this week and immediately thought of here! It's just ridiculous. Jake was as close to the cabin on one side as Quinn and Huck were on the other. They were knocked off their feet and Jake just kept walking like a boss. What is that?

 

41 minutes ago, Haleth said:

^ I was thinking the same thing.

Yes! :) 

[proserpina65]

On ‎03‎/‎11‎/‎2017 at 4:04 AM, Joe said:

I dunno, this one has some real proponents. My aunt is pretty much an Imelda Marcos wannabe in that respect. :)

And I'd cut a bitch for chocolate. 

[ganesh]

When you're fighting the bad guy but IT'S PERSONAL, you will win the fight, but then you'll straddle his chest and rain haymakers on his face until someone pulls you off. BECAUSE IT'S PERSONAL. 

[meep.meep]

TV people take a lot of stuff PERSONALLY.  And they never get over any of it.  

And they never get sued either.  On the other side of the screen, if you hit someone, then they'll sue you.  So some of these TV heavy hitters should be facing multiple lawsuits from multiple people.

[shapeshifter]

32 minutes ago, meep.meep said:

TV people take a lot of stuff PERSONALLY.  And they never get over any of it.  

And they never get sued either.  On the other side of the screen, if you hit someone, then they'll sue you.  So some of these TV heavy hitters should be facing multiple lawsuits from multiple people.

Of course, on TV, facial bruising rarely lasts more than a day, and actual swelling is practically nonexistent, so law suits are for the alternate universe where there are physical consequences to taking out one's anger on another's face.

[ganesh]

On Five-0, Grace Park's character is spacing out at a green light. So the guy in the car behind her honks on the horn. She gets out, *punches the window open*, and throws his keys away. 

But she did get stitches!

[shapeshifter]

1 hour ago, ganesh said:

On Five-0, Grace Park's character is spacing out at a green light. So the guy in the car behind her honks on the horn. She gets out, *punches the window open*, and throws his keys away. 

But she did get stitches!

But I'll bet there was no redness or swelling!

ETA: —unless Grace Park really was injured and they wrote into the show.

Edited March 14, 2017 by shapeshifter

[Raja]

58 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

But I'll bet there was no redness or swelling!

ETA: —unless Grace Park really was injured and they wrote into the show.

The had her hand wrapped in a bandage but she remained on duty and later took down a knife wielding man unarmed.

 

On TV teenagers in military school seem to spend all their time firing actual army weapons but never seem to have an algebra or English class in their school.

[hoosiermom]

I worked in an ER as a nurse on night shift for 20 years and I never saw a patient go to surgery in 5 or 10 minutes after arrival (which they do on tv) It takes time to prep a person for surgery and it's always a good idea to get certain tests before shipping them off to the OR. AND, while we weren't a huge hospital , we never had the amount of patients  going to surgery like on TV. Rarely more than one per shift and rarely more than once a week if that. The population of my city is around 250,000 and we saw about 100 patients in 24 hours. Also, we Were a trauma level 2 facility.

Edited March 14, 2017 by hoosiermom
Grammar error perhaps

[merylinkid]

That's because you didn't live in a town that had a mass casualty event every November, February and May.  

[Katy M]

11 hours ago, hoosiermom said:

I worked in an ER as a nurse on night shift for 20 years and I never saw a patient go to surgery in 5 or 10 minutes after arrival (which they do on tv) It takes time to prep a person for surgery and it's always a good idea to get certain tests before shipping them off to the OR. AND, while we weren't a huge hospital , we never had the amount of patients  going to surgery like on TV. Rarely more than one per shift and rarely more than once a week if that. The population of my city is around 250,000 and we saw about 100 patients in 24 hours. Also, we Were a trauma level 2 facility.

Are doctors and nurses constantly having sex in the supply closets, or is that an "only on TV" thing, too?

[ganesh]

12 hours ago, Raja said:

The had her hand wrapped in a bandage but she remained on duty and later took down a knife wielding man unarmed.

That I had no problem with ironically. 

[Katy M]

Only on TV do waitresses and chef/cooks with long hair wear their hair down while working.

[CoderLady]

8 minutes ago, Katy M said:

Only on TV do waitresses and chef/cooks with long hair wear their hair down while working.

And forensic teams gathering evidence at crime scenes, lab workers, military personnel in uniform, cops, first responders at disaster scenes, and many other people where given a chance to work safely or look telegenic, just say "Fuck it -- I'm having a good hair day" and go with it.

[ganesh]

That's because when we see them later with mussy hair we know they had sex in the supply closet. 

[hoosiermom]

3 hours ago, Katy M said:

Are doctors and nurses constantly having sex in the supply closets, or is that an "only on TV" thing, too?

Well, in 20 years I was only aware of that happening once. And no, it wasn't me!

3 hours ago, merylinkid said:

That's because you didn't live in a town that had a mass casualty event every November, February and May.  

Love it! Lol  Concerts brought in the most people in one shift due to overdoses, fights etc. We did have one mass casualty event when a military plane was practicing landing and taking off and hit a Drury's inn and. Jojo' restaurant. Unfortunately,there were no survivors. Before my time the U of E's entire basketball team was killed in a plane crash right after take off. That was the worst as I had graduated from there a few years prior to the incident.

Edited March 14, 2017 by hoosiermom

[Calvada]

7 hours ago, Katy M said:

Are doctors and nurses constantly having sex in the supply closets, or is that an "only on TV" thing, too?

Sadly, I know of a case several years ago in Illinois where a child was born oxygen deprived due to uterine rupture and a doctor ignored several pages while he was in a room getting busy with a nurse, thus tragically delaying a c-section.  The child is a quadriplegic, with a feeding tube, and this resulted in one of the biggest civil settlements ever in Illinois at that time.  Fortunately things like this are so uncommon that when they do happen, they almost seem unreal, like something that can only happen on TV. 

[Sandman87]

On Monday, March 13, 2017 at 4:59 PM, shapeshifter said:

Of course, on TV, facial bruising rarely lasts more than a day, and actual swelling is practically nonexistent, so law suits are for the alternate universe where there are physical consequences to taking out one's anger on another's face.

And the bruises magically go from black & blue to nonexistent without any transition. They don't spend any time being yellow and green.

[kiddo82]

If it's 24, bruises and scrapes heal in less than a day and you can undergo surgery for getting shot IN THE NECK then return to work within a few hours.

Edited March 17, 2017 by kiddo82

[Anela]

If someone is looking for a person in a bad part of town, there will always be some sort of death metal/heavy-sounding music playing in the building. Never anything like Michael Bolton (I don't know why I thought of him, but you know what I mean). 

[Haleth]

8 hours ago, kiddo82 said:

If it's 24, bruises and scrapes heal in less than a day and you can undergo surgery for getting shot IN THE NECK then return to work within a few hours.

Not to mention dying, then back to work.  Jack Bauer laughs at death.

[Shannon L.]

Everyone (who doesn't work the graveyard shift) looks perfectly normal and we'll rested if they are still awake in the middle of the night. Their eyes aren't puffy, nor are they fighting to keep them open, no smudged eye make up, or pale/blotchy skin. They look like they just woke up.

The only creatures to carry deadly diseases are monkeys. But, not just any monkey, the capuchin monkey specifically.

[selkie]

On 3/14/2017 at 1:12 PM, CoderLady said:

And forensic teams gathering evidence at crime scenes, lab workers, military personnel in uniform, cops, first responders at disaster scenes, and many other people where given a chance to work safely or look telegenic, just say "Fuck it -- I'm having a good hair day" and go with it.

 

We're doing a Homicide:LOTS rewatch now, and that show really liked to get the little details right. While Kay Howard (Melissa Leo) usually has her long red hair down in the station or when it seem like it will be a calm period of time, they're usually good about having her put her hair up in a bun when it's getting dangerous enough for the kevlar to come out.  

[zxy556575]

Every secretary and assistant on TV: "I'm sorry, I tried to stop him/her!"

So many people crashing into executives' offices.

[Katy M]

8 hours ago, Lord Donia said:

Every secretary and assistant on TV: "I'm sorry, I tried to stop him/her!"

So many people crashing into executives' offices.

I'm a secretary and that makes me feel like I'm doing it all wrong.  My standard response is, "he's in his office, go on back."  Even if I've never seen the person before, LOL.

[Joe]

4 minutes ago, Katy M said:

I'm a secretary and that makes me feel like I'm doing it all wrong.  My standard response is, "he's in his office, go on back."  Even if I've never seen the person before, LOL.

Is this because you're busy doing your nails and/or talking to your friend on the phone?

[ChromaKelly]

On 3/19/2017 at 9:54 AM, selkie said:

 

We're doing a Homicide:LOTS rewatch now, and that show really liked to get the little details right. While Kay Howard (Melissa Leo) usually has her long red hair down in the station or when it seem like it will be a calm period of time, they're usually good about having her put her hair up in a bun when it's getting dangerous enough for the kevlar to come out.  

Everyone on H:LOTS wasn't smoking hot either. I loved that show, probably one of the best police shows ever.