Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[Rick Kitchen]

5 minutes ago, Moose135 said:

I went to a Catholic high school, and we had a guy who's title was actually Dean of Discipline.

I could totally see that being the title of a p*rn flick.

[fishcakes]

When someone on TV is late getting home for a romantic dinner, the person at home who made the dinner sits quietly at the elegantly set table watching the candles burn down. I am convinced that 90% of the candle industry depends on these scenes.

[kiddo82]

Only on TV are dorm rooms/apartments of young twenty somethings decked out with cool and obscure retro posters or artwork instead of, you know, Taylor Swift or Captain America posters or whatever is popular at the time.  And the room certainly isn't decorated by Target.  Buffy the Vampire Slayer kinda subverted this by having the demon of the week figuratively roll her eyes at all the college freshman with Starry Night prints.  Heh.

Another way TV depicts folks in their late teens/early twenties is that, unless at a frat party where you're supposed to act juvenile, they all order these specific and sophisticated drinks.  Please.  When I was in college it was vodka plus whatever we had to mix with it.  Hell, sometimes that's still the formula.  You gotta experiment, you know?  When I was able to legally order a drink I had no idea what the hell I liked or what even existed.

Edited August 2, 2016 by kiddo82

[Shannon L.]

Only on tv are bloodhounds really, really lazy. 

Only on tv will someone abruptly stop dancing after putting their partner into a spin, only to have their dance partner continue to spin away until she runs into someone or something. 

[Bastet]

Quote

I am convinced that 90% of the candle industry depends on these scenes.

And those in which a character, in order to set a romantic mood, lights dozens of candles -- yet somehow the room is still only dimly lit. 

Conversely, a single candle (easily retrieved and lit upon a power outage) readily illuminates an entire room.

[Rick Kitchen]

13 hours ago, Bastet said:

And those in which a character, in order to set a romantic mood, lights dozens of candles -- yet somehow the room is still only dimly lit. 

Conversely, a single candle (easily retrieved and lit upon a power outage) readily illuminates an entire room.

Kyle from One Life to Live probably kept the candle business going single-handedly for the whole time he and his boyfriend were on screen.

Edited August 2, 2016 by Rick Kitchen

[ganesh]

11 hours ago, fishcakes said:

When someone on TV is late getting home for a romantic dinner, the person at home who made the dinner sits quietly at the elegantly set table watching the candles burn down. I am convinced that 90% of the candle industry depends on these scenes.

And the person who is late doesn't call or text ahead. 

[DittyDotDot]

12 hours ago, fishcakes said:

When someone on TV is late getting home for a romantic dinner, the person at home who made the dinner sits quietly at the elegantly set table watching the candles burn down. I am convinced that 90% of the candle industry depends on these scenes.

And, the other 10 percent relies on those bathtub scenes with so many candles one wonders if their bathwater got cold while lighting them all.

[MaryPatShelby]

11 hours ago, DittyDotDot said:

And, the other 10 percent relies on those bathtub scenes with so many candles one wonders if their bathwater got cold while lighting them all.

And no one on TV ever takes a bath without candles.

[topanga]

1 minute ago, MaryPatShelby said:

And no one on TV ever takes a bath without candles.

 

1 minute ago, MaryPatShelby said:

And no one on TV ever takes a bath without candles.

Ha! I actually purchased candles to place around my bathtub because I always saw it on TV. Life imitating art, I suppose. 

[Bastet]

I don't take a bath without candles - or wine - but I've never mastered the TV art of creating a layer of bubbles a foot thick that strategically covers my private parts no matter how I move or how long I'm in the tub.  I guess you buy that bubble bath the same place you buy the L-shaped sheets.

Edited August 3, 2016 by Bastet

[ganesh]

Baths aside, on tv two or three people will talk about/over another person in the room while ignoring them even though the ignored person is talking as part of the conversation too. What gets me is the ignored person lets them. 

[kassygreene]

What gets me is all these bathrooms with all that unused shelf space for candles.  In my entire life the only house I ever lived in with a bathroom that big (and a gorgeous claw-footed cast-iron tub) was a house built in the 1880s, which also had the original kitchen, and the original icebox in the kitchen wall (six weeks before we moved our fridge died, so my mom went to an ice dealer in town twice a week and bought a block of ice - apparently we were the only residential customer they had had in years (sadly Google Street View shows me that sometime in the last fifty years they appear to have updated the kitchen, as the exterior icebox access has been replaced with a window)).

So, only on TV set in the U.S. do you never see an old house's interior with any original features left in place - it's always updated to be photo-ready for Architectural Digest or its brethren.

[Luckylyn]

22 hours ago, Rick Kitchen said:

Kyle from One Life to Live probably kept the candle business going single-handedly for the whole time he and his boyfriend were on screen.

Wasn't there a scene when Kyle was studying by candlelight not because of a power outage but just cause he felt like it?  I think even Fish teased him about his love of candles.   I really miss Kish.

Someone has vital information to share but instead of just coming out with it they say it in the most drawn out way guaranteeing they will be interrupted before they can share the information.  "I need you to listen.  I know who the killer is. It is...." (and now the killer has killed them before they could complete the call.)

[shapeshifter]

I bet that this happens Only On TV as frequently as it is shown: The detectives arrest a homicide person of interest and start agressively grillng him/her until there's knock on the 2-way glass. They leave the suspect alone and are told he/she has an airtight aliby. Frequently the suspect will then lose a college scholarship, a job, or a fiancé because being a suspect does that.

[kassygreene]

2 hours ago, Luckylyn said:

...

Someone has vital information to share but instead of just coming out with it they say it in the most drawn out way guaranteeing they will be interrupted before they can share the information.  "I need you to listen.  I know who the killer is. It is...." (and now the killer has killed them before they could complete the call.)

This actually happened to me in life - when I was in grad school I was only about seventy miles from home, so I took a long weekend a couple of times a month.  Came back once to a former roommate telling me in the most drawn-out, self-indulgent possible manner, that a mutual friend had had a thing happen and I shouldn't get too worried cause he was probably going to be ok blah blah blah blah.  In spite of my asking her three times to get to the point she had to tell her story as she had apparently scripted and rehearsed it, even though she also interrupted herself twice to tell someone passing by that oh yes, he's fine....  He'd fallen off a second-floor balcony for reasons she never did explain, but he was going to be all right.  I never forgave her for the drama....  This was forty years ago - nowadays she'd have been angling hard for a reality show.

Edited August 3, 2016 by kassygreene
Typos

[ganesh]

We need a "When TV Meets Real Life" thread. 

[atomationage]

[Quof]

Quote

Someone has vital information to share but instead of just coming out with it they say it in the most drawn out way guaranteeing they will be interrupted before they can share the information. 

"Get there faster!" Chandler Bing

[atomationage]

Digging a deep grave for someone you just killed is quite easily done with a small shovel. 

[DittyDotDot]

6 minutes ago, atomationage said:

Digging a deep grave for someone you just killed is quite easily done with a small shovel. 

Sometimes you can even do it with only your hands. 

[CoderLady]

1 hour ago, atomationage said:

Digging a deep grave for someone you just killed is quite easily done with a small shovel. 

And it's always perfectly rectangular.

[topanga]

2 hours ago, atomationage said:

Great article. I commented more on that thread. 

[Gurkel]

5 hours ago, atomationage said:

Digging a deep grave for someone you just killed is quite easily done with a small shovel. 

 

3 hours ago, CoderLady said:

And it's always perfectly rectangular.

And the dirt is always soft, even in the middle of winter. 

[Princess Sparkle]

6 hours ago, Gurkel said:

 

And the dirt is always soft, even in the middle of winter. 

Hee - that's why I always love this one episode of The Sopranos, where Tony and Christopher go to bury a body and end up stymied for a few minutes because the ground is frozen. It's one of the few times I've ever seen that happen. 

[ganesh]

If someone break into your house to steal a thumb drive/watch/book/cat toy, they will totally trash the place looking for it to tip you off instantly, so you can call the cops and tell them exactly what's missing. Rather than the thief being careful and you not knowing they were there at all. 

Oh, and anyone who has a lot of one thing is always suspect. On Mr. Robot it was clocks. But it could be anything. My mother has all those hand wooden carved Santas that she puts out for the christmas season. She does not play. 

Edited August 5, 2016 by ganesh
Someone left their car radio on

[kiddo82]

Stop me if you've heard this one before.  Girl breaks up with guy.  Girl starts dating someone new.  Guy either has "a funny feeling" about new boyfriend or actually witnesses new boyfriend doing something nefarious (either comically or seriously depending on the genre).  Guy tries to warn his friends/ex-girlfriend.  No one believes guy and writes off his concerns as mere jealousy.  Guy turns out to be right all along.  

[ganesh]

No one on tv just watches tv or listens to the radio. Whatever they are watching/listening is Meaningful and Relevant. 

[Shannon L.]

Everyone who owns a farm has a big beautiful house with antique furnishings, a gorgeous barn and perfectly manicured yards and flowerbeds, with beautiful open fields and the prettiest, shiniest well groomed horses you've ever seen.  They're never old, and beat up, with poor looking furnishings, ugly barbed wire fences with lots of mud everywhere and horses that looked like they've been working for years.

[cpcathy]

17 hours ago, ganesh said:

No one on tv just watches tv or listens to the radio. Whatever they are watching/listening is Meaningful and Relevant. 

Plus someone else will call you, say, "turn on the news!" You turn it on and it's on the correct channel immediately, no fumbling or mixing up channels.

[BatmanBeatles]

Whenever a man sees a woman with a beauty mask on her face, he always screams in terror.

[ChromaKelly]

8 hours ago, BatmanBeatles said:

Whenever a man sees a woman with a beauty mask on her face, he always screams in terror.

And she has to have cucumbers on her eyes so she can't see who's there. Then she screams too.

[Anela]

On 7/17/2016 at 2:14 AM, backformore said:

in TV houses, there exist only two categories of cleanliness.  There are the pristine houses, where the floors and furniture are polished to a high shine, the counters and appliances are spotless, and clutter doesn't exist.  Then there are the houses with dust and smoke, with old pizza boxes  and crushed beer cans everywhere, piles of paper and clothes, ashtrays overflowing, and a sink full of dirty dishes. 
TV people only live at either end of the spectrum, slobs or neat freaks.  There is no room for normal.

And those houses are always *huge* - like mansions. I've seen bedrooms as big as my house. 

[Anela]

On 7/17/2016 at 2:14 AM, backformore said:

 

Damn it, the quoting function screwed up for me.

I also keep noticing how nobody shares vital information about BIG things happened/dangerous people/whatever, but when they do decide to talk about something else - like a murder - they do it in public places, surrounded by people, who could pick up on anything that's said. 

[Anela]

On 3/24/2016 at 0:15 PM, Kromm said:

Forget the laptops. It's the endless battery phones I want!  I mean phones on TV DO die from no power. But ONLY when it's convenient to a plot. Otherwise their batteries are endless.

 

Oh, also, perfect video streaming on everyone's cell phones on TV. REALLY?  You also apparently don't have to work very hard to arrange a video call either.

I saw something like this in the movie "Nerve". A girl is watching something on her phone, walks into a room, and immediately starts to broadcast it on the huge TV there. 

Whenever I've tried to connect something to a "smart" TV, it expects you to use the remote to type in numbers and letters, only for it to never work! 

On 3/25/2016 at 11:57 AM, ChromaKelly said:

No one leaves a light on in the hallway either. Or maybe I'm weird. I don't like the house to be totally dark. And since having kids, I got in the habit of leaving the bathroom light on for them because little boys don't have the best aim even under daytime circumstances. :-/

Also, people who get up in the middle of the night always have a robe on, even if they live alone. I don't even own a robe.

 

I leave lights on, too. I don't like a dark house, but I also have never liked sleeping in the dark. I at least leave on the TV.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Just as long as you turn the car radio off.

[ganesh]

YES THANK YOU

I have motion night lights that go on when you go in the bathroom or into the kitchen. So they're not on all the time. The lamps are on timers. 

I don't own a robe either. I don't really bother putting anything on. 

[ABay]

There's so much ambient light in my neighborhood that I don't need to have a light on to navigate through the house. When the guy across the street has his side door light on, my living room is so bright I feel like an escaping prisoner caught in a spotlight.

If you do have a robe, then I hope you do as all people on TV do and lay it neatly at the end of your bed before getting under the covers.

[topanga]

43 minutes ago, ganesh said:

I don't own a robe either. I don't really bother putting anything on. 

Which reminds me...

When a man or woman walks around their own home in the nude, they're making a statement about how free-spirited, sexual, or rebellious they are. 

[ganesh]

Oh yes. There's no such thing as casual nudity on tv. What with all the robes and wrapped sheets available. 

In my old apartment, my kitchen window was just above the garbage bins. I think at least half the homeless population of the city saw me starkers while they were picking out cans to take to recycling. 

[Hyacinth B]

15 hours ago, Anela said:

Damn it, the quoting function screwed up for me.

I also keep noticing how nobody shares vital information about BIG things happened/dangerous people/whatever, but when they do decide to talk about something else - like a murder - they do it in public places, surrounded by people, who could pick up on anything that's said. 

Yes !!!! It drives me BONKERS when I'm watching an otherwise good British murder mystery show like Morse or Inspector Lewis, and where do the two coppers sit down to discuss the murders, alibis and clues that almost always involve at least one or two suspects well-known around Oxford, like the Master of a college or a local doctor or a famous or infamous student? Right in the middle of one of the busiest pubs in Oxford! Everyone from the barmaid to the druggie on his way to the loo can overhear what they're saying, and considering the "Six Degrees of Separation" rule, possibly knows or knows someone who knows one of the people being discussed. 

They really need to take those conversations outside a lot more often. And the view from the terrace of their regular pub of the river is so much nicer than the view of the inside!

[proserpina65]

On ‎08‎/‎01‎/‎2016 at 11:37 PM, kiddo82 said:

Only on TV are dorm rooms/apartments of young twenty somethings decked out with cool and obscure retro posters or artwork instead of, you know, Taylor Swift or Captain America posters or whatever is popular at the time.  And the room certainly isn't decorated by Target.  Buffy the Vampire Slayer kinda subverted this by having the demon of the week figuratively roll her eyes at all the college freshman with Starry Night prints.  Heh.

Another way TV depicts folks in their late teens/early twenties is that, unless at a frat party where you're supposed to act juvenile, they all order these specific and sophisticated drinks.  Please.  When I was in college it was vodka plus whatever we had to mix with it.  Hell, sometimes that's still the formula.  You gotta experiment, you know?  When I was able to legally order a drink I had no idea what the hell I liked or what even existed.

Where are all the posters of Klimt's "The Kiss"?  That was on every third wall when I was at college, including mine.

[ChromaKelly]

There are lots of funky loft apartments in old warehouse/factory buildings on TV. No one lives in a boring garden apartment complex. But that's probably because only families with kids live in the suburbs.

[zxy556575]

3 hours ago, ChromaKelly said:

There are lots of funky loft apartments in old warehouse/factory buildings on TV. No one lives in a boring garden apartment complex.

Melrose Place! (Except that was retro-cool Spanish style.)

Even the poorest college student with roommates never lives here.

 

[Haleth]

Do they get unlimited salad and breadsticks?

[ganesh]

People will leave loooong voice mail massages rambling on about Remember The Time We Did Banal Thing That Is Now Meaningful?

[kiddo82]

Only on TV do people attend will readings with the deceased having left an itemized list of what is bequeathed to whom.  "To my dog walker Cindy, I leave my collection of stuffed frogs."  Instead of, you know, having whatever assets there are divided amongst the beneficiaries and having this known to the beneficiaries beforehand.  Bonus points if the deceased left behind a video message.  I could see if it involves a particularly large estate, involves a business, involves some priceless family heirlooms, or even involves something personal between the deceased and a beneficiary but I'm sure this happens waaaay less in real life than television would lead us to believe.    

[Anela]

College dorms are usually so much prettier on TV, or in the movies. At least, from what I've seen. I remember them poking fun at that on "Felicity" (talking about how nice her room was, and how big).

Edited August 20, 2016 by Anela

[Shannon L.]

It occurred to me last night that not only is it tv high school friends who go to college together, but as adults, when working in a career that requires you to work with a partner or a team, chances are good that if you are promoted to another office, then soon your partner and/or team will be as well. 

[blueray]

I was watching Roswell (felt like a teen 90's show) and in the episode Isabel helps Maria out at the Crashdown. Which feels like only in TV could a friend help out at a job when you are short even if they are not employed there.