Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[DittyDotDot]

1 hour ago, MaryPatShelby said:

Having worked law enforcement-adjacent, I can say that all the fights over jurisdiction on TV seem ridiculous to me.  On TV the cops or the DA want jurisdiction so very badly, and in real life they do not want it at all.  If there's any question that the crime in question occurred somewhere else, they will try everything they can to hand it off to the somewhere else police department, not beg and plead and find the tiniest reason to keep the case.

But on TV, all the cases are PERSONAL! ;)

Edited June 1, 2016 by DittyDotDot

[Shannon L.]

Only on tv can you agree to meeting someone without a time and/or place specified.  "Hey, you want to go out for drinks tonight? "Sure, that'd be fun." "Great!  I'll see you later.".  I'm left thinking that they'll end up at different places at different times each thinking that the other stood him/her up.

[DearEvette]

38 minutes ago, Shannon L. said:

Only on tv can you agree to meeting someone without a time and/or place specified.  "Hey, you want to go out for drinks tonight? "Sure, that'd be fun." "Great!  I'll see you later.".  I'm left thinking that they'll end up at different places at different times each thinking that the other stood him/her up.

Ha!  In real life you not only need to where you are meeting someone but sometimes you need the exact spot.  I remember my husband and I were grad students in college and he said "meet me at the front of the library" I said OK.  Problem was, the library at our school took up an entire small block and there were two main entrances, one on one side of the block and one on the other.  Both were used a lot and both were identical in appearance.  Needless to say my "front" of the library was one side and his was the other.  He was technically right since that entrance was the street address published for the library but in reality my entrance was the one that faced the quad and the one students entered in most frequently.

[merylinkid]

Don't be silly.    On tv everyone goes to only one place -- the local bar, coffee shop or diner.    So you know exactly where to meet them.   Everyone also heads there right after work and stays all night, so the time is all set too.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

4 hours ago, merylinkid said:

Don't be silly.    On tv everyone goes to only one place -- the local bar, coffee shop or diner.    So you know exactly where to meet them.   Everyone also heads there right after work and stays all night, so the time is all set too.

But that's because you always hang out with the same five or six people, so you never need to go somewhere new.

[shapeshifter]

Is it Only On TV that prosecuters are routinely shocked when their witnesses change their story on the witness stand (usually because they have been threatened)?

[Raja]

On 6/1/2016 at 4:44 AM, MaryPatShelby said:

Having worked law enforcement-adjacent, I can say that all the fights over jurisdiction on TV seem ridiculous to me.  On TV the cops or the DA want jurisdiction so very badly, and in real life they do not want it at all.  If there's any question that the crime in question occurred somewhere else, they will try everything they can to hand it off to the somewhere else police department, not beg and plead and find the tiniest reason to keep the case.

Another lesson learned from The Wire

[ganesh]

Also: Get there early.

[kiddo82]

On June 1, 2016 at 11:36 AM, merylinkid said:

Don't be silly.    On tv everyone goes to only one place -- the local bar, coffee shop or diner.    So you know exactly where to meet them.   Everyone also heads there right after work and stays all night, so the time is all set too.

Only on TV does everyone live and work in the same neighborhood.  No one's work or friends are a twenty minute drive away.

[DittyDotDot]

On 6/1/2016 at 6:44 AM, MaryPatShelby said:

Having worked law enforcement-adjacent, I can say that all the fights over jurisdiction on TV seem ridiculous to me.  On TV the cops or the DA want jurisdiction so very badly, and in real life they do not want it at all.  If there's any question that the crime in question occurred somewhere else, they will try everything they can to hand it off to the somewhere else police department, not beg and plead and find the tiniest reason to keep the case.

Ha! I just had to come here and comment again on this. I'm just now getting around the S2 of Fargo and this might be the first show I've watched to show law enforcement NOT wanting jurisdiction over a case. Seemed perfectly reasonable to me. ;)

[CoderLady]

On TV when they're forced to share jurisdiction, both sides are so hostile and obstructionist it's amazing the case ever gets solved. It does but of course it's because Our Guys find out and act on something they deliberately don't share with the others. I find myself wanting to boink everyone's heads together and make them share. And I'm not even a parent.

[ganesh]

They also fight over who is going to make the actual arrest.

[shang yiet]

Not only does everyone on TV go to the same bar/coffee shop/restaurant but they sit at the same table every time and other customers don't complain.

[Sweet Tee]

OMG, the jurisdiction thing!  My mom and I were in a fender bender a few years ago and we sat there for two hours as different cops from different jurisdictions came and went because nobody wanted to deal with it.  We still jokingly refer to that street as no man's land.  And if we ever wanted to commit a crime, we would do it there since it would take the cops forever trying to figure out who has to take care of it.

[CoderLady]

Ah, but if it had been a high-profile murder or robbery case instead of a fender-bender every agency operating in the state would have been all over it. So pick your crime wisely, and cut me in if you succeed.

[zxy556575]

I used to work in the police department for a smallish city of about 65K people. One year a body was dumped in uninhabited marshland and the city and county sheriff both called "Not it!" Plat maps were unearthed, along with city and county bylaws and charters. From my desk I could hear our watch commander arguing with the sheriff's office. After a while I was all, "Hey, I'm just typing up reports here but do you need me to go out there?" In my head, of course.

Edited June 5, 2016 by lordonia

[DittyDotDot]

I'm so sad to report that the not wanting jurisdiction on the second season of Fargo did not hold up. It only took one more episode before the hero decided he really, really needed to solve the murders and he begged his boss for the case. Sigh. So, it's not only on TV, but always on TV too, then? 

[ChromaKelly]

Our Guys always want the case because they are the only ones who care and are competent. The other law enforcement agency wants the case because it's ether high profile and they want in, or they are shady and will throw the case for the bad guys they are in league with.

[ganesh]

They really sent that up on an early season of Ripper Street I think. A body washed up from the river. But based on time of death, distance, and river speed, back calculated where the body was dumped to figure out jurisdiction. 

[paulvdb]

On The Family the FBI agent actually wanted to work with the local police officer who was already working on the case and she was happy to work with him. Although if I remember correctly she was worried that he would take her off the case when she first heard that the FBI would take the case.

[atomationage]

This one has probably been mentioned before, but it drove me crazy watching Friday's episode of Hollyoaks.  Two people are sitting on the same side of a table, talking, but instead of facing each other, they're facing the camera.  I kept thinking there was someone else in the room that they were both addressing. 

[ganesh]

Whenever people are dancing, someone will want to cut in, and they will always say, "May I cut in?"

[TaraS1]

On 6/3/2016 at 2:41 PM, DittyDotDot said:

Ha! I just had to come here and comment again on this. I'm just now getting around the S2 of Fargo and this might be the first show I've watched to show law enforcement NOT wanting jurisdiction over a case. Seemed perfectly reasonable to me. ;)

I remember an episode of Southland (S4) where a guy was hit by a train and the LA city and county cops were trying to push the case off on each other based on how many of his body parts were on city property vs. county, lol.  It doesn't sound funny, but it was.

On 6/5/2016 at 6:40 PM, ChromaKelly said:

Our Guys always want the case because they are the only ones who care and are competent. The other law enforcement agency wants the case because it's ether high profile and they want in, or they are shady and will throw the case for the bad guys they are in league with.

That's one tiny flaw I always found with my beloved NYPD Blue.  There were some exceptions, but usually all other detectives/agencies they came into contact with were either incompetent, chesty or both.  Even the night tour detectives in their own house couldn't close a case without Andy having to take over.

[DittyDotDot]

4 minutes ago, TaraS1 said:

I remember an episode of Southland (S4) where a guy was hit by a train and the LA city and county cops were trying to push the case off on each other based on how many of his body parts were on city property vs. county, lol.  It doesn't sound funny, but it was.

Oh, I had forgotten about that one, and I agree it was funny. So it's not ALWAYS! Thanks for reaffirming my belief that the universe is a varied and balanced place. ;)

[ChromaKelly]

People sit waaaay closer together than they do IRL. I realize it's to get everyone in the frame, but sometimes I'm like damn, personal space, people! Like they will all be crowded on a sofa, one person sitting on the arm.

[Blergh]

People on TV NEVER seem to get wrong numbers or  robo  calls- ONLY calls that are relevant to plotlines or even convos they're currently having with 3rd parties.

[meep.meep]

2 hours ago, TaraS1 said:

That's one tiny flaw I always found with my beloved NYPD Blue.  There were some exceptions, but usually all other detectives/agencies they came into contact with were either incompetent, chesty or both.  Even the night tour detectives in their own house couldn't close a case without Andy having to take over.

Early on in the runs of NYPD Blue and Law&Order, each show did an episode about a crooked precinct.  It was the other show's precinct they were investigating.

[Moose135]

2 hours ago, TaraS1 said:

I remember an episode of Southland (S4) where a guy was hit by a train and the LA city and county cops were trying to push the case off on each other based on how many of his body parts were on city property vs. county, lol.  It doesn't sound funny, but it was.

Yes, that was very funny!

[zxy556575]

3 hours ago, Blergh said:

People on TV NEVER seem to get wrong numbers or  robo  calls- ONLY calls that are relevant to plotlines or even convos they're currently having with 3rd parties.

But they do get a lot of real calls that they lie about to the person they're with!
"Who was that?"
"Wrong number."

On 6/6/2016 at 2:43 PM, atomationage said:

Two people are sitting on the same side of a table, talking, but instead of facing each other, they're facing the camera.  I kept thinking there was someone else in the room that they were both addressing. 

TV table seating has always been ridiculous. Heaven forbid anyone have his or her back to the camera, so you get 6 people clustered in a semicircle around a table like they're hosts of The View instead of a supposed family eating dinner.

If Sophia came into the Golden Girls kitchen and the other three were at their 4-person table eating cheesecake, she'd have to stand.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

11 hours ago, lordonia said:

TV table seating has always been ridiculous. Heaven forbid anyone have his or her back to the camera, so you get 6 people clustered in a semicircle around a table like they're hosts of The View instead of a supposed family eating dinner.

If Sophia came into the Golden Girls kitchen and the other three were at their 4-person table eating cheesecake, she'd have to stand.

They had an episode of GG where Sophia was temporarily in a wheelchair because her ankles had been sprained, and the dialogue about the incident was as follows:

"Ma, you were the one who sneezed and blew yourself off of the stool."

"This wouldn't have happened if you'd let me sit at the table."

"You know the rules. When we have Mexican food, you have to sit at the counter."

[Raja]

23 hours ago, TaraS1 said:

I remember an episode of Southland (S4) where a guy was hit by a train and the LA city and county cops were trying to push the case off on each other based on how many of his body parts were on city property vs. county, lol.  It doesn't sound funny, but it was.

 

But they were beat cops who were just going to guard the crime scene. Not the detective proving the poor sap was pushed in front of the train 

[ethalfrida]

Only on tv does someone take pill with only a tiny sip of water. Makes me gag.

[zxy556575]

7 minutes ago, ethalfrida said:

Only on tv does someone take pill with only a tiny sip of water. Makes me gag.

Or they swallow it dry!

[DeLurker]

If you get caught in a rainstorm, you will find cover up against a building overhang. Despite this sudden and unexpected downpour, you will be artfully misted and not drenched. Only one other person will be seeking shelter from the elements and they will be extremely attractive and find you the same. 

[cpcathy]

I was coming here to complain about the table seating, I thought I was the only person who was bothered by this!

Also, people on TV seem to eat food, then make a long speech, then continue chewing. Ick.

[Shannon L.]

Quote

Only on tv does someone take pill with only a tiny sip of water. Makes me gag.

Quote

Or they swallow it dry!

 

I noticed the likes on both posts.  I can't be the only one who either swallows pills dry or with very little water.

Only on tv can two or more people hold up a line while having a conversation and not have someone say something about them needing to move along.

[DittyDotDot]

1 hour ago, Shannon L. said:

I noticed the likes on both posts.  I can't be the only one who either swallows pills dry or with very little water.

Nope. I do it as well.

[ganesh]

[To friend]: "See that guy over there?"

*friend turns to look*

[To friend]: DON'T LOOK!

[kiddo82]

6 hours ago, DittyDotDot said:

Nope. I do it as well.

Me three.  I take pills without water then my throat feels gross and I swear I'll never do it again until the next time comes up and I'm too lazy to get some water and so on and so forth.  

[ganesh]

You know who swallows pills without water? Ramsay Bolton!

[kili]

Quote

Me three.  I take pills without water then my throat feels gross and I swear I'll never do it again until the next time comes up and I'm too lazy to get some water and so on and so forth.  

But do you three leave the car radio on?

I've mentioned before that Only on TV do regular police men (or protagonists) lead the charge into a building wearing nothing but a flack jacket (and sometimes not even that) while fully equipped SWAT teams (with helmets, goggles, body armor, boots, etc) follow behind. I was watching Person of Interest and our protagonist police man did not lead the SWAT team into a building. He stayed outside as most real policeman who came to a SWAT raid in a suit probably would. I anticipated the explosion and did not have long to wait. TV New York now needs a new SWAT team.

Only on TV do SWAT teams want police detectives to lead the charge in raids. That's the only way they can survive.

[DittyDotDot]

12 minutes ago, kili said:

But do you three leave the car radio on?

I do. And I eat apples with a knife. And now this...

Seriously, mwahahahahaha!

[DeLurker]

17 minutes ago, DittyDotDot said:

I do. And I eat apples with a knife. And now this...

Seriously, mwahahahahaha!

Troll Alert!

[ChromaKelly]

On 6/9/2016 at 0:32 PM, DeLurker said:

If you get caught in a rainstorm, you will find cover up against a building overhang. Despite this sudden and unexpected downpour, you will be artfully misted and not drenched. Only one other person will be seeking shelter from the elements and they will be extremely attractive and find you the same. 

Or if you fall in a lake or pool, you'll be dry in five minutes. And not complain about being wet or worry that your shoes are ruined. The only time you will change out of the wet clothes is if you are with a love interest and he/she says to you "Let's get you out of these wet clothes".

[Raja]

19 hours ago, kili said:

But do you three leave the car radio on?

I've mentioned before that Only on TV do regular police men (or protagonists) lead the charge into a building wearing nothing but a flack jacket (and sometimes not even that) while fully equipped SWAT teams (with helmets, goggles, body armor, boots, etc) follow behind. I was watching Person of Interest and our protagonist police man did not lead the SWAT team into a building. He stayed outside as most real policeman who came to a SWAT raid in a suit probably would. I anticipated the explosion and did not have long to wait. TV New York now needs a new SWAT team.

Only on TV do SWAT teams want police detectives to lead the charge in raids. That's the only way they can survive.

I have made the same comments, it is hold over from the days before the militarization of police and all the SWAT call outs. I remember when Detective Cassidy was added to Law & Order, the story being she won an off duty gunfight and the NYPD was still promoting to detective for winning gunfights,. Lt Van Buren ask how many doors she had kicked in the implication being that normal beat cops rarely had such experiences. On Barney Miller when anything heavy went down it was the detective squad which grabbed the shotguns and went out. But the kicker was Dragnet, ME TV or one of the other oldies stations had a promo running with Sgt Friday aiming his shotgun threatened to blow a guys head down Figueroa Street. When I saw the episode they were going after a guy who shot a cop with a M-1 carbine, the assualt weapon before AK-47s and AR-15s were around I am guessing the incident which inspired the story happened in the late 40s or 50s long before SWAT was around in real life. And in Jack Webb/Sergeant Friday style he describes going to the armory to draw one shotgun and four shot gun shells that he and Officer Gannon used to kick the door.

 

The worst NYPD ESU/SWAT episode that I can remember  had to be the great CSI crossover where Dr Ray from the civilian staffed Las Vegas crime lab, as opposed to the sworn cops/detectives in Miami and New York, follows a case from Vegas to Miami to New York and is given a shotgun  and is second through the door after Detective Mac Taylor with the SWAT team in their armor snaking behind the two crime scene investigators.

[anna0852]

I always gave CSI:NY a pass on that, as their CSI's were clearly sworn cops who had worked as beat cops and detectives before they were in the crime lab. Therefore they could question and arrest suspects. I did appreciate that Detective Flack was usually the one kicking the door though. The ones from Vegas however have no excuse. 

[Chaos Theory]

What got me explicitly about the CSI's is that they worked often triple overtime without pay to follow the smallest shred of evidence and used the most expensive highest tech machine to do it. 

Edited June 16, 2016 by Chaos Theory

[ganesh]

On Casual, they were eating out of the chinese food containers.

[proserpina65]

18 hours ago, Chaos Theory said:

What got me explicitly about the CSI's is that they worked often triple overtime without pay to follow the smallest shred of evidence and used the most expensive highest tech machine to do it. 

Don't get me started on the CSI franchise and its ridiculous depiction of crime scene investigation.  (And I used to love the original show.)

[ganesh]

I can't be the only person that had a fairly normal high school? Most attended our 20 year reunion too. No drama and a lot of fun. 

On tv, it's like the 7th circle of hell everytime.