Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[ganesh]

And the captain will ask for their gun and badge, but they're STILL ON THE CASE.

[Shannon L.]

Only on tv will the population of a southern city like Atlanta not have southern accents (unless it's a comedy, in which case only on tv will the southern drawl be extremely exaggerated).

Only on tv are all courtrooms big, beautiful structures with lots of glowing wood furnishings.

[Bastet]

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Only on tv are all courtrooms big, beautiful structures with lots of glowing wood furnishings.

And with all the latest technology.

[merylinkid]

Oh don't get me started on courtrooms.   Although the ones in our new courtroom tower do have the latest technology and are WAAAAAY cool.   But poorly constructed (the benches go right to the wall on either side with only one aisle down the middle, if you get caught in the corner you are trapped).  You never get the really nice wood furnishings that you get on tv in real life.   And I've been in some TINY courtrooms.   On tv, they are huge and the gallery is always full.  Trust me in real life, there are few people just hanging out in the courtroom watching.  

Of course, only on tv, is every case so compelling that people come out to watch.   The news crews are always there too, whether it's a contract dispute, your average murder, or small claims.

[ganesh]

I have never seen anyone irl eat an apple by carving it with a knife. BUT on TV. You know there's a bad guy because he's slicing an apple with a knife. 

[Ceindreadh]

8 hours ago, ganesh said:

I have never seen anyone irl eat an apple by carving it with a knife. BUT on TV. You know there's a bad guy because he's slicing an apple with a knife. 

I actually do this! Got into the habit when I had braces on my teeth and managed to damage them by biting into apples. 

(Braces are long gone now, but I'll still always cut up the apple)

[Shannon L.]

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I have never seen anyone irl eat an apple by carving it with a knife. BUT on TV. You know there's a bad guy because he's slicing an apple with a knife. 

That's how my grandfather ate it (and with his his own pocket knife, too, not a kitchen knife!) and he was a gentle, loving man  :)

[orza]

Lots of people eat apples like that when they have dentures, braces, loose teeth or, like me, when they are wearing lipstick.

[shapeshifter]

14 minutes ago, orza said:

Lots of people eat apples like that when they have dentures, braces, loose teeth or, like me, when they are wearing lipstick.

Or have sensitive-to-cold teeth (happens as we get "long in the tooth"). If I had a warm apple off of a late summer tree, I'd bite it.
Otherwise, out of the fridge, it's the knife.

But I'm guessing On TV the use of the knife prevents the actor from having to deliver lines with a mouthfull of apple.

Edited May 16, 2016 by shapeshifter

[ganesh]

You are all evil people that plot and scheme while you eat apples with knives in your cars with the radio on.

[SVNBob]

Remember, some Big Damn Heroes eat their apples that way.  For...reasons.

[CoderLady]

13 hours ago, ganesh said:

I have never seen anyone irl eat an apple by carving it with a knife. BUT on TV. You know there's a bad guy because he's slicing an apple with a knife. 

I think it's an American thing. In a mystery novel I read a few years ago, the main character spotted a bad guy in a European cafe because the man picked up and bit his apple instead of slicing it up and eating the pieces.

[vibeology]

I think part of the appeal of eating an apple with a knife is it lets the bad guy show off his weapon so that it's been established when it's used later in the story.

[DittyDotDot]

I eat apples with a knife when I have cheese with my apple. It's very tasty, y'all should try it!

Mmwwaaaaahhhh! ;)

[ganesh]

Look who is all fancy with her apples and cheese. Excuse me, but some of us can't cavort around town looking for grey poupon in our rolls royce! 

I've actually had apple with gouda though, but I'm not talking about just slicing up the apple and putting it on a plate. I was talking about how the bad guys kind of peel back the apple with the knife while their eating it. And then talk with their mouth full. Because we don't know they are the bad guys unless they do that.

 

You know who eats apples with a knife? Ramsay Bolton! 

[topanga]

On 5/13/2016 at 5:02 PM, Kromm said:

Actually if you look carefully, it's usually a brick wall showing through the window. Implying that they aren't an attached house, but have an alleyway dividing the houses--at least on that side. 

Most of the time.

What do I mean?  Well, on some of the stills I just found it looks like vegetation outside, and in one there even seems to be another window facing them.

Thanks for the stills. But they make me sad, too. The Cosby Show was a very integral part of my childhood/adolescence (and American History), and it's hard to reconcile the memory of the show with the reality that "America's Dad" was actually "America's rapist," even during the Huxtable years. 

[ganesh]

You all know damn well how Cosby eats his apples #Bolton.

[Gudzilla]

8 hours ago, ganesh said:

You know who eats apples with a knife? Ramsay Bolton! 

Ramsay eats soup with a knife.

At least he doesn't eat long pig.

[shapeshifter]

When I was a teenager (back in the Flintstones era) I always peeled my apple in a continuous strip with a knife because when it dropped to the floor it would assume the shape of the initial(s) of the person I would marry.

[Bastet]

I don't peel my apples, as I find the peel an integral part (not necessarily in terms of taste, but certainly in terms of nutrition), but, even though I've never tried it, I have always been mildly impressed by the characters (because I've never seen anyone do it in real life - I guess they share my feelings about the peel) who can do it in one big, curling strip.  This is film, rather than TV, but I get a kick out of the 9 to 5 DVD commentary when Dolly Parton watches herself achieve such a feat and is quite proud of herself.

[Haleth]

On 5/13/2016 at 9:53 PM, ganesh said:

Only on tv someone will ask "when did you sleep last?" Because people routinely can still function 24+ hours awake.

Jack Bauer did this routinely.

[proserpina65]

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You never get the really nice wood furnishings that you get on tv in real life.   And I've been in some TINY courtrooms.

One of our courtrooms (built in 1939) has some lovely wood furnishings and stylish Art Deco embellishments.  But it's damned tiny, and it's still the biggest of our 4 courtrooms.  And very rarely do we get many people hanging around to watch trials.  On L&O I get it, because they're probably homeless people who want in the warm/cool building but otherwise, nah.

[proserpina65]

10 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

When I was a teenager (back in the Flintstones era) I always peeled my apple in a continuous strip with a knife because when it dropped to the floor it would assume the shape of the initial(s) of the person I would marry.

I do it sometimes if the apple is old and the peel tough or if it's a type of apple with not much taste like Red Delicious.  Plus, I'm planning on world domination.  (Never could do it in one continuous strip, though.)

1 hour ago, Haleth said:

Jack Bauer did this routinely.

Yeah, but he never got stuck in traffic, so . . .

[ChromaKelly]

On 5/13/2016 at 3:54 PM, meep.meep said:

There's plenty of Warped Space in movies also - it's not just "only on TV."  For example:  any movie that uses a trailer as a residence, will use the one that's 40 x bigger on the inside than the outside.

Speaking of trailers - TV and movies have magic trailers that don't need to be hooked up to electricity or water. Just plop it down anywhere! Oh and you don't even need to own or rent land, middle of the woods or a field will do.

[meep.meep]

Those Tiny Houses too!  I'm always asking:  Where does the poop go?  How do they get the juice to run those stainless steel appliances?

[BatmanBeatles]

It's pretty easy to dig up a body. All you need is a shovel.

[zxy556575]

18 minutes ago, BatmanBeatles said:

It's pretty easy to dig up a body. All you need is a shovel.

Sometimes manual scooping works, too, since a dead hand or foot is already sticking up out of the ground.

[DittyDotDot]

19 minutes ago, BatmanBeatles said:

It's pretty easy to dig up a body. All you need is a shovel.

And, it's amazing how little time it takes, too. Took longer for me to dig post holes by hand back in the day. ;)

[BatmanBeatles]

The hole is still nice, neat rectangle.

[ChromaKelly]

My husband buried our cat when he died and that looked like a lot of work. I don't know why they bother with graves on The Walking Dead. One would think they have better things to do than expend all that time and energy digging graves.

[ganesh]

That's a good point. The other alternative would be to burn the bodies though. You obviously don't just want to leave bodies around, if you've got them in our fortified community. You have to get a really hot fire to burn a body. That's a decent amount of work, so you have to weigh that against burial.

[Haleth]

16 hours ago, BatmanBeatles said:

The hole is still nice, neat rectangle.

Ha!  That is the first post I made to this thread years ago.  It hasn't changed.

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The other alternative would be to burn the bodies though. You obviously don't just want to leave bodies around, if you've got them in our fortified community. You have to get a really hot fire to burn a body. That's a decent amount of work, so you have to weigh that against burial.

And all that smoke would attract unwanted attention.

Edited May 18, 2016 by Haleth

[BatmanBeatles]

A freshly dug up body doesn't have rigor mortis.

[FormerMod-a1]

Rigor mortis is temporary, takes 10-12 hours to set in and lasts about 18 hours.

[Sandman87]

On a related note: With the exception of CSI-type shows, any room where someone dies and is left undiscovered for several months will only need to have the body removed, and maybe some blood wiped up, in order for cleanup to be complete. There will be no need to call an unattended death cleanup service to come out to perform biohazard cleanup and decontamination, and there will certainly be no need to remove or  replace furnishings or sections of floors.

[GreekGeek]

I never heard of "bad guys eat apples," but I thought eating grapes was shorthand for decadence. This may be more of an "old movies" thing than TV, though.

[MaryMitch]

Only on TV does someone buy a pet for someone else, and it solves ALL their problems.

[Shannon L.]

Only on tv does a the bell ring, indicating the end of class, just a couple of minutes after the teacher walks in and starts talking.

Only on tv does everyone have perfect handwriting and printing (unless it's important to the storyline that someone can't read your handwriting).

[caci]

That is like when kids come down to breakfast before school, sit down to a table with pancakes , eggs or whatever, and then rush to the bus a minute or two later.  I can tell you my mom would never make a full breakfast before school without making sure we were going to eat it, even if that meant dragging us out of bed early.

[Shannon L.]

My mom never made breakfast (except sometimes on weekends).  We were responsible for getting our own and it was always a bowl of cereal and maybe a banana.

[caci]

Yeah, I think frozen waffles may have been the fanciest week day breakfast!  Cereal was pretty much it.  But even that, you didn't pour a huge bowl and then rush out a minute later.  There was a soap where a maid would cook these huge breakfasts and, inevitably,  all anyone wanted was coffee.  You would think she would learn after awhile.  Only on TV!

[DearEvette]

On 5/22/2016 at 7:23 PM, GreekGeek said:

I never heard of "bad guys eat apples," but I thought eating grapes was shorthand for decadence. This may be more of an "old movies" thing than TV, though.

I think eating most fruits is supposed to shorthand for sexy or suggestive.  Something about the juice...or the shapes

[Rick Kitchen]

1 hour ago, DearEvette said:

I think eating most fruits is supposed to shorthand for sexy or suggestive.  Something about the juice...or the shapes

 

China has banned the eating of bananas on TV and in movies.

[SVNBob]

Just now, Rick Kitchen said:

China has banned the eating of bananas on TV and in movies.

There too?  I'd only heard the news about them banning that on webcams.  Although I suppose a general media ban makes more sense.

[ABay]

Maybe the link between apples and bad guys is the serpent in the Garden of Eden?

[Eliot]

On 5/16/2016 at 0:38 PM, vibeology said:

I think part of the appeal of eating an apple with a knife is it lets the bad guy show off his weapon so that it's been established when it's used later in the story.

The important part here is that the bad guy must not merely cut up the apple with a knife, he must EAT the apple directly from the knife blade while glowering meanly at all and sundry.

Personally, I am grateful for people who cut up apples before eating them. There is no more disgusting sound on the planet than the slurpy crunch of someone biting into an apple in close quarters--except, perhaps, that same person then speaking with his or her mouth full of apple immediately after biting.

[ganesh]

15 minutes ago, Eliot said:

The important part here is that the bad guy must not merely cut up the apple with a knife, he must EAT the apple directly from the knife blade while glowering meanly at all and sundry.

Yes. That's exactly what Ramsay Bolton did. 

[shapeshifter]

Having never worked in law enforcement, I don't know if this is "Only On TV," but I can't think of any world in which if someone wanted to take over part of my work that I would object--even if it was the FBI.

[ganesh]

When I bought my baguette today I made sure it was sticking straight up out of the bag right next to celery! 

[MaryPatShelby]

On ‎5‎/‎28‎/‎2016 at 5:10 PM, shapeshifter said:

Having never worked in law enforcement, I don't know if this is "Only On TV," but I can't think of any world in which if someone wanted to take over part of my work that I would object--even if it was the FBI.

Having worked law enforcement-adjacent, I can say that all the fights over jurisdiction on TV seem ridiculous to me.  On TV the cops or the DA want jurisdiction so very badly, and in real life they do not want it at all.  If there's any question that the crime in question occurred somewhere else, they will try everything they can to hand it off to the somewhere else police department, not beg and plead and find the tiniest reason to keep the case.