Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[Taylorh2]

I bet the Today Show shares with everyone standing around.

[Shannon L.]

 

They also lead to making out of course! Because don't you want to have sex covered in flour?

Well, Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke didn't seem to mind  ;)  Seriously, though, I agree:  ew! 

 

As for the waste of food, I see a lot of it on shows like Master Chef and it drives me crazy.

Edited September 15, 2014 by Shannon L.

[BatmanBeatles]

 

Speaking of wasting food, does anyone else ever wonder about all the display food on The Today Show and similar? Like, say they are talking about antioxidants. They will have a table full of fruits and vegetables that contain antioxidants just sitting there for visual interest. I'm sure that all goes bad under the hot lights and all I can think about is what a waste it is.

I expect to see a cloud of fruit flies.

[Sandman87]

Speaking of wasting food, does anyone else ever wonder about all the display food on The Today Show and similar? Like, say they are talking about antioxidants. They will have a table full of fruits and vegetables that contain antioxidants just sitting there for visual interest. I'm sure that all goes bad under the hot lights and all I can think about is what a waste it is.

As for the waste of food, I see a lot of it on shows like Master Chef and it drives me crazy.

Maybe they do it differently at the big networks, but at the TV station where I worked the phrases "cast and crew" and "horde of starving piranhas" were interchangeable. We were lucky they didn't eat the set after a cooking show wrapped up, let alone all of the display food.

[BatmanBeatles]

In a comedy if someone says something startling, there is the sound of a record needle scratching.

[Rick Kitchen]

A cop chasing a perp will always have to run through a Chinese or Mexican restaurant, throwing food and utensils on the floor while the cooks yell invective at them.

[ganesh]

If two people are out with others, whether as friends or a couple, and one says something they shouldn't, the other kicks them under the table so hard that they break a shin, but the kickee is always like, "why are you kicking me?" Because no one has any idea of social cues. 

[Kromm]

A cop chasing a perp will always have to run through a Chinese or Mexican restaurant, throwing food and utensils on the floor while the cooks yell invective at them.

You missed the key element.  The cook, ESPECIALLY the Chinese ones, has to be waving a cleaver at them.

[ToxicUnicorn]

A cop chasing a perp will always have to run through a Chinese or Mexican restaurant, throwing food and utensils on the floor while the cooks yell invective at them.

 

You missed the key element.  The cook, ESPECIALLY the Chinese ones, has to be waving a cleaver at them.

 

This made me laugh - and think of a corollary.  If there is ever a SWAT team or a group of armed cops breaking down the door for a drug bust of a clearly ethnic suspect, there is always some completely innocent family scene in the first room.  Like, adorable ethnic kids watching tv.  Or a grandma who is knitting.  Because the audience may not understand that every group might have both good people and bad people in it.

[Shannon L.]

This may be more in movies, but I've seen it on commercials, so:  Only on TV are bloodhounds lazy dogs who do nothing but lay around.  Trust me--I'm learning this the hard way  :)

Edited September 25, 2014 by Shannon L.

[DittyDotDot]

This may be more in movies, but I've seen it on commercials, so:  Only on TV are bloodhounds lazy dogs who do nothing but lay around.  Trust me--I'm learning this the hard way  :)

 

Right there with you Shannon L. As a former hound dog's servant, trust me, they very rarely do "nothing." They are the Colombo of dogs, IMO.

[Shannon L.]

DittyDotDot, they do have their lazy moments--when they crash, they crash hard, but I hear the easy going, laying around all day, behavior comes around age 8. That's 5 and a half more years for us!  Heaven help me--he's a sweetheart, but so active it's not funny (well, it is at times, but you know what I mean :)  

[Aquarius]

If two people are out with others, whether as friends or a couple, and one says something they shouldn't, the other kicks them under the table so hard that they break a shin, but the kickee is always like, "why are you kicking me?" Because no one has any idea of social cues. 

 

Sadly, this is not an only on TV thing.  My husband has asked that.  Or "Whaaaat??"  He's not socially disabled, either, just sometimes a little dense.  So I don't use that particular cue any more.

[Snowprince]

I didn't get the shin kick, I got the razor sharp elbow in the ribs   :)

[Moose135]

I didn't get the shin kick, I got the razor sharp elbow in the ribs   :)

 

I usually just got "that look"...I would have rathered an elbow in the ribs.

[lucindabelle]

Diner waitresses re young, beautiful, kind and wise, with no particular ambitions to do anything else.

[Bella]

Sadly, this is not an only on TV thing.  My husband has asked that.  Or "Whaaaat??"  He's not socially disabled, either, just sometimes a little dense.  So I don't use that particular cue any more.

 

I did the knee, the elbow, or the look, and DH always announced it to whomever we were with, which was embarrassing. But he thinks he talks too much (sometimes he does) and wants me to signal to him when to stop. So now I interrupt with "short version, dear!" or "I'm going to jump in and tell this faster" and it works better.

::sigh::

[To Poop On]

Every gift comes in a box with a separately wrapped lid, tied loosely with a ribbon.  Have you ever given or received a gift wrapped like that in real life??

[Wiendish Fitch]

You can insult-not tease, insult- your friends' looks, weight, love life, interests, whatever, and they will only react with mild bemusement at best, or a slightly dirty look at worst. They will never burst into tears, or say "fuck you!", or insult you back. Basically, all friends are doormats you can wipe your shit-covered feet on.

Edited September 28, 2014 by Wiendish Fitch

[shapeshifter]

Every gift comes in a box with a separately wrapped lid, tied loosely with a ribbon. Have you ever given or received a gift wrapped like that in real life??

...and the lid has never fallen off and spilled the contents prior to the giving of the gift--which is truly amazing because you know that if that was possible, these types of gift boxes would be more common than hybrid cars by now. Edited September 28, 2014 by shapeshifter

[Portia]

You can insult-not tease, insult- your friends' looks, weight, love life, interests, whatever, and they will only react with mild bemusement at best, or a slightly dirty look at worst. They will never burst into tears, or say "fuck you!", or insult you back. Basically, all friends are doormats you can wipe your shit-covered feet on.

That one that drives me crazy, too. For that matter, people on TV seem to give unasked advice and generally stick their noses in their loved ones' business a lot more than in real life. Edited September 28, 2014 by Portia

[Wings]

Speaking of wasting food, does anyone else ever wonder about all the display food on The Today Show and similar? Like, say they are talking about antioxidants. They will have a table full of fruits and vegetables that contain antioxidants just sitting there for visual interest. I'm sure that all goes bad under the hot lights and all I can think about is what a waste it is.

 

 

 

Never does food go to waste on a TV set!  The crew swarms the set when the segment is over and it is consumed at warp speed.  In the case of raw food, someone takes that home. This topic has been talked about for years.  

 

It would take a very long time for food to go bad even under the lights.

 

 

The little Babes went to an animal sanctuary and were never eaten. 

 

 

I have a bridge for sale.  Wanna buy it? 

[ChromaKelly]

People not looking at the road while driving. Sometimes it sticks out so bad it distracts from the show and I start wondering if the character is going to get in an accident. On OITNB, Lorna kept turning her head so much I was positive there was going to be an accident. It was seriously distracting from whatever the conversation was.

[Bastet]

Actors are a lot better about this now than in years past, but only on TV can one move the steering wheel back and forth a good 50+ degrees without any horizontal movement of the car whatsoever.

[Kromm]

People not looking at the road while driving. Sometimes it sticks out so bad it distracts from the show and I start wondering if the character is going to get in an accident. On OITNB, Lorna kept turning her head so much I was positive there was going to be an accident. It was seriously distracting from whatever the conversation was.

That's an interesting one, although I do have to admit I don't have a clue what OITNB is.  TV Show Acronyms are not our friends.

Edited September 29, 2014 by Kromm

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Orange Is The New Black.

[Joe]

According to TV, gyms are full of people who are young, pretty, and fit. In reality, they're full of people from all walks of life, ages, and levels of fitness. However, one thing that remains true is that they play bad techno at stupid volumes.

[Portia]

I've decided that when introducing myself, instead of saying "I'm Portia" or "My name is Portia," I'm going to start saying "They call me Portia."  People do that on TV, and it seems really dramatic. 

[DittyDotDot]

People not looking at the road while driving. Sometimes it sticks out so bad it distracts from the show and I start wondering if the character is going to get in an accident. On OITNB, Lorna kept turning her head so much I was positive there was going to be an accident. It was seriously distracting from whatever the conversation was.

 

I've decided this is because there are no roadway obstacles--stop signs; traffic lights; pedestrians; intersections--on TV unless they are integral to the plot (ie: the story is centered around hitting a pedestrian or being stuck in traffic or something). Otherwise one can just drive forever and one never needs stop for someone crossing the street or a stop sign or just needs to turn onto another street. There's really nothing else to pay attention to than the other person talking in the car, right?

[MaryMitch]

People on television never seem to have screen doors. And lots of times they come inside and leave the door open, which really bugs me. (Also the refrigerator door is left open a lot).

[To Poop On]

They never have screens in their windows either, making it easier for the wacky neighbor or teenage love interest to pop in and out.  Safety aside, aren't they worried about bugs coming in?

[Bella]

They never have screens in their windows either, making it easier for the wacky neighbor or teenage love interest to pop in and out.  Safety aside, aren't they worried about bugs coming in?

 

Since a lot of these shows are written by people who are living in California, I'll note that bugs aren't much of an issue along the coast. I did not have screens when I lived there, and I would open my second-story windows all the time. A bug in the house was an event. So even though most of the rest of the country lives with screens on their windows and I doubt the writers live in such isolation that they're unaware of this, I'll give them a pass on this one. Solve the intelligent-and-gorgeous-woman-married-to-clueless-shlub problem first, and then we'll talk about screen windows.

[Kel Varnsen]

My wife still watches the show Blue Bloods (I dropped it a few seasons ago). But she mentioned that she watched it today and it reminded me of a big one. Even if you are the best whatever when it comes to your job, you will never get promoted. If you are the best cop in NYC no promotion, best soldier no promotion, best doctor sorry no promotion, best space ship captain nope no promotion for you.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

My wife still watches the show Blue Bloods (I dropped it a few seasons ago). But she mentioned that she watched it today and it reminded me of a big one. Even if you are the best whatever when it comes to your job, you will never get promoted. If you are the best cop in NYC no promotion, best soldier no promotion, best doctor sorry no promotion, best space ship captain nope no promotion for you.

 

That's because the best of the best don't play politics, and they follow their own rules. And Take!It!Personally!

[Sandman87]

Conversely, there's an 80% chance that your boss's boss is an ambitious obstructionist asshat who hates you because you're impeding their internal political maneuvering.

[Raja]

My wife still watches the show Blue Bloods (I dropped it a few seasons ago). But she mentioned that she watched it today and it reminded me of a big one. Even if you are the best whatever when it comes to your job, you will never get promoted. If you are the best cop in NYC no promotion, best soldier no promotion, best doctor sorry no promotion, best space ship captain nope no promotion for you.

However the best Starfleet crew members will be promoted many times but remain in the same job.

[ABay]

Conversely, there's an 80% chance that your boss's boss is an ambitious obstructionist asshat who hates you because you're impeding their internal political maneuvering.

If you're a British cop, the hatred of your superior is 95% guaranteed, just because.

[Rick Kitchen]

According to TV, gyms are full of people who are young, pretty, and fit. In reality, they're full of people from all walks of life, ages, and levels of fitness. However, one thing that remains true is that they play bad techno at stupid volumes.

 

 

My gym plays bad hard rock.

 

Since a lot of these shows are written by people who are living in California, I'll note that bugs aren't much of an issue along the coast. I did not have screens when I lived there, and I would open my second-story windows all the time. A bug in the house was an event. So even though most of the rest of the country lives with screens on their windows and I doubt the writers live in such isolation that they're unaware of this, I'll give them a pass on this one. Solve the intelligent-and-gorgeous-woman-married-to-clueless-shlub problem first, and then we'll talk about screen windows.

 

My apartment in California filled up with flies when I left the screen open a crack so my cat could go in and out to the patio.

[jellysalmon]

Since a lot of these shows are written by people who are living in California, I'll note that bugs aren't much of an issue along the coast. I did not have screens when I lived there, and I would open my second-story windows all the time. A bug in the house was an event. So even though most of the rest of the country lives with screens on their windows and I doubt the writers live in such isolation that they're unaware of this, I'll give them a pass on this one. Solve the intelligent-and-gorgeous-woman-married-to-clueless-shlub problem first, and then we'll talk about screen windows.

Another thing about coastal California bugs is that they're comparatively small. Most bugs that I came across as a child could be handled with a tissue.

It wasn't until I was in my 20s that I finally saw a cricket. I freaked the fuck out. They're huge!

[Joe]

According to TV, the State Department only exists as a cover for the CIA. In fact, I remember a show where someone claimed he genuinely worked for the State Department. It wasn't a cover, he claimed. Yes, he worked for the CIA. That annoyed me for some reason. I'm not even American, why should I care? And yet I do. So, State Department = CIA.

[Bella]

According to TV, the State Department only exists as a cover for the CIA. In fact, I remember a show where someone claimed he genuinely worked for the State Department. It wasn't a cover, he claimed. Yes, he worked for the CIA. That annoyed me for some reason. I'm not even American, why should I care? And yet I do. So, State Department = CIA.

 

This is annoying indeed. I wonder if British shows do this to the same extent with MI6 and the diplomatic corps.

 

Some CIA employees are stationed with the U.S. embassies as overt CIA employees, working alongside State Department employees. Covert operatives seldom have a direct connection to an embassy - that would be too easy and obvious. There are also people like a former neighbor of mine who works at CIA headquarters but can't talk about his job and travels a lot, especially when there's some kind of issue involving Russia. Of course, I have no idea where he's going. He may be covering the desk job of someone else in a nice place like England or France, and someone else is going to Russia. Or he may just be playing hooky from work. I am an innocent bystander who happened to observe a pattern, but that doesn't mean there's any significance to that pattern. It could be a coincidence ... excuse me, I hear pounding on my door and angry shouts outside, I need to go see ....

[shapeshifter]

Another thing about coastal California bugs is that they're comparatively small. Most bugs that I came across as a child could be handled with a tissue.

It wasn't until I was in my 20s that I finally saw a cricket. I freaked the fuck out. They're huge!

Heh, then stay away from certain mountain communities in Northern California. Or at least make sure you haven't been smoking any medicinal herbs when you first encounter a Jerusalem Cricket, aka Potato Bug. They are harmless; their defense mechanism is their frightening appearance. Imagine an ant that is three inches in length. They are too heavy to climb vertically, but at night they come out of their burroughs to scavenge. One crawled into my bedroom through a ground-height, unused cable hole while I was reading in bed on a mattress on the floor back in the days when cannibus was cheaper than beer. If I'd had a TV cable in the hole, it would never have happened--but I prefered literature in those days.

Anyway, I've never seen one on TV.

[HalcyonDays]

How about, no matter what type of job you have - whether it's an office job, a cop job, hospital job or whatever - you are free to come and go from your place of employment as you please. There is no 8-4 or 9-5 (okay, detective work is a bit different), or dictated lunch hours or whatever. But if one needs to leave work to deal with some personal issue, the character just....leaves. No repercussions, no having to ask, no bosses complaining, etc. It's like the work place is where the character goes to for an hour or two a day, to break up the drama occuring in their personal life.

[ethalfrida]

This happens in movies too ... schoolbooks were old on Little House on the Prairie. Seems like they could make some fake ones that would appear new to match the time of reference...

[Kel Varnsen]

Only on TV do the most sensational crimes never get anything more than local media/law enforcement attention. I mean in the past few weeks I have seen a remote control drone gunning down people with a machine gun on Waikiki Beach, and more and more people getting killed in increasingly violent ways (including cops) in Charming California, and local law enforcement seems to be the only one on the case. Not to mention how many serial killers have operated in the Las Vegas of CSI in past 15 years? Yet the FBI/ATF/ Military haven't taken over these places. 

 

Not to mention national media never seem to pick up these stories. I mean you never see true crime reporters like Nancy Grace or Geraldo Rivera reporting on these towns, and people in the world of these shows still go to Vegas and Hawaii for vacations. 

[topanga]

On TV, black women in professional careers -- attorney, doctor, judge, police lieutenant, teacher-- often wear really bad wigs. Because I'm a black woman myself, I notice these things right away. I'm not saying that white characters don't wear wigs, but I often can't tell. e.g. I had no idea Juliana Margulies wore a wig on The Good Wife until people complained about it on TWOP.

 

--I know that many black women do wear wigs or weaves IRL. But if I can spot a jacked up wig from my couch, how must the woman look in person? All I'm saying is that this wouldn't fly in occupations where an employee's professional appearance is an integral part of her job.

[ChromaKelly]

How about, no matter what type of job you have - whether it's an office job, a cop job, hospital job or whatever - you are free to come and go from your place of employment as you please. There is no 8-4 or 9-5 (okay, detective work is a bit different), or dictate lunch hours or whatever. But if one needs to leave work to deal with some personal issue, the character just....leaves. No repercussions, no having to ask, no bosses complaining, etc. It's like the work place is where the character goes to for an hour or two a day, to break up the drama occuring in their personal life.

Yes, this bugs to no end. Especially in the service industry, like waitstaff, receptionist, hotel front desk. All you have to do is yell over to your coworker "Cover for me!" and that's it. On Dexter it stretched credibility to no end. He would just leave work, then go drive somewhere two hours away, then call his babysitter that he has to work late, drive somewhere else, kill someone, come home at midnight.

On TV, black women in professional careers -- attorney, doctor, judge, police lieutenant, teacher-- often wear really bad wigs. Because I'm a black woman myself, I notice these things right away. I'm not saying that white characters don't wear wigs, but I often can't tell. e.g. I had no idea Juliana Margulies wore a wig on The Good Wife until people complained about it on TWOP.

 

--I know that many black women do wear wigs or weaves IRL. But if I can spot a jacked up wig from my couch, how must the woman look in person? All I'm saying is that this wouldn't fly in occupations where an employee's professional appearance is an integral part of her job.

I've gotten annoyingly good at Spot the Extensions and Spot the False Eyelashes. It becomes distracting.

[lucindabelle]

I think it's because tv writers just don't remember what it's like to work at a job where physical presence is required. They go in for their meetings but the rest of the time they don't.

Kind of like how on tv, shows set on he he east coast show flowers blooming in November (Gilmore girls had flowers in bloom in cape cod over thanksgiving! No. Just no. And then Rory mispronounced the name of the commencement speaker.. Kundera... Accent on kun.... No way that was spoken aloud and she misheard it). Ghost whisperer was particularly annoying. See in California, desert climate, sure you dress for warm weather in day and out on jacket in evening in December. On fast coast? Um no. Long sleeves in December. Sorry.

Just a minimum of research. After all lots of people not only me are or have been bicoastal. It's annoying.

[Athena]

I've gotten annoyingly good at Spot the Extensions and Spot the False Eyelashes. It becomes distracting.

 

I watched that cheesey Jennifer Love Hewitt show "The Client List." I didn't take anything seriously, but for some reason, it bugged me to see her always wake up in the mornings with full makeup. She had a lot of makeup on in every scene including the mornings and her eyelashes were ridiculously long because of extensions or falsies. 

[janie jones]

They can't point and click because computer users on TV don't use a mouse--only a keyboard.

This is an old quote that I dusted off, but I was watching The Returned (the French show, Les Revenants) over the weekend, and I was shocked, simply shocked (stupéfaite, even), that they were scrolling using a mouse.  It happened more than once.

Edited October 8, 2014 by janie jones