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Wiendish Fitch

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  1. I can't stand Mike from Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul. I find him aggressively boring. I think watching water boil is more fun than watching Mike.
  2. Thanks for the recommendation. I've read a ton about Fred Astaire, and I have a strong gut feeling he didn't abuse anyone. He was said to be a ridiculously faithful husband who was inconsolable when his wife died. Heck, the meanest thing I've read about Astaire was that he "wasn't wildly interesting". It's just that between moving to a new home under negative circumstances recently and now the pandemic, I know that nothing in life is 100% certain. Okay, that's not true. I'm 100% certain Woody Allen is a gross turd of a human being, and I wish he, Cosby, Weinstein, and Roman Polanski would hurry up and die already (sorry to be repetitive, but it's their fault for not dying already). I really, really don't get the defense of, "He lived in a different time!" WTF? I don't care how old you are, how conservative you are, whatever, can you honestly tell me that you never noticed that things around you have changed?! Who the hell are you, Rip van Winkle? I don't care if you're old enough to remember horse-drawn carriages... unless you're Amish, we don't use those anymore because we have fucking cars! And just because you got away with something 50 or 60 years ago, that doesn't mean it was ever okay! Performing in blackface? Never okay! Pinching a random woman's ass? Never okay! Having a sexual relationship with your girlfriend's vulnerable teenaged stepdaughter? Absolutely, positively, bona fide never okay. Again, why am I stating the thunderously obvious? What is wrong with these people (besides, y'know, everything else)?! P.S. I still hope we don't find out something awful about Jim Henson. No joke, that would crush me. But again, I have a strong feeling he was all right...
  3. Re: Current Chucky and Annabelle: I agree, the dolls are so hideous, I doubt Wednesday Addams would want to play with them! Lilo's doll Scrump was ugly, but Ugly Dolls ugly, not nightmare-inducing! Sorry to be a cantankerous old fart, but that's my issue with a lot of current horror films: the tone is always all wrong, and they think an ugly aesthetic automatically makes it scary. Um, no. Midsommar was one of 2019's most visually gorgeous films... which mades the horrific, gruesome events all the more terrifying, because awful things are happening in this beautiful place. Back to villains, one can't stress enough how uniquely evil the cult members in Midsommar are. Manipulative, twisted sickos Seriously, Midsommar is tied with Audition as the scariest film I've ever seen.
  4. Yes, Louis CK, we do need to laugh... so what the hell are you doing here?
  5. One more thing: Astaire had the decency to call underaged Joan Leslie a "talented young actress". That's it. No slimy praise over her hot young whatever. This reminds me: I'm sick of certain male celebrities saying "Oh, I'm not allowed to say this, but so n' so's beautiful!" Or, "I'll get in trouble for saying this, but so n' so looks amazing!" First off, if you think you're going to get in trouble for saying something, don't say it unless it's worth it. Second, there's a right way and a wrong way to compliment someone's looks. Right way? Keep it short and simple. Wrong way? Dragging it out, getting too personal, and ignoring or mocking someone's discomfort. Compliments (especially about someone's looks) that are laid on too thick are either embarrassing or come off as hollow flattery. Another thing, part of modern feminism (indeed, feminism in general) is for women to be judged beyond their physical appearance. We want to be recognized for our personalities and achievements, not just, say, how well we pull off sleeveless dresses. Women do not exist just for men to ogle. I can't believe I have to say something so freakin' obvious, but we are living in a remarkably stupid time.
  6. To wash that gross passage from Woody Allen's book out of everyone's mouth, I'd like to recommend the classiest memoir by a Hollywood old-timer I've ever read: Steps in Time by Fred Astaire. Astaire danced with some of Hollywood's most gorgeous women, the majority of whom were much younger than he was (Joan Leslie turned 18 while filming The Sky's the Limit*), but you know what adjective he most frequently used to describe them? "Lovely". I highly endorse this word, because while it can refer to physical appearance, it can also apply to personality, bearing, temperament, etc. It's a wonderfully flexible compliment. Only occasionally does Astaire use a stronger adjective like "beautiful" (well, he did work with Rita Hayworth and Audrey Hepburn), but he doesn't go on for paragraphs panting, sweating, and salivating over their looks and sex appeal like Allen or Chris Matthews. In fact, he actually takes the time to praise other virtues such as their personalities, professionalism, and dancing talent! Now, was Astaire really such an upstanding gentleman, or was he a closeted creep who just hid it well**? Who knows? Dude's been dead since 1987, but the precious few people who worked with him who are still alive have nothing but nice things to say about him. *To Astaire's credit, he acknowledges this and seemed embarrassed by it, and in his defense, he didn't get a say in who got cast. Unfortunately, casting teenagers as adult love interests was all too standard back then, and this happened to Joan Leslie more than once. **The truth is, I'm a total Fred Astaire fangirl, and I want to believe-have to believe-that he didn't do anything. Dear God, if you're really real, please prove it to this gloomy atheist by letting Astaire have been a truly good person, please don't let us belatedly find out something terrible about him. Same with Jim Henson, if you don't mind...
  7. I hate Harley Quinn. Always have, always will. I don't think she's cute, funny, lovable, or a feminist antihero. She's just an irritating, crap excuse for a gangster's moll who is 100% complicit in the Joker's crimes. I feel so stupid voicing such a strong opinion about a fictional character who got her start on a 90s animated series, but I'm tired of all the media around me lecturing me on why Harley Quinn is the greatest thing ever. Please. Just. Stop.
  8. People think Hallmark TV movies are all about insipid white people finding tepid romance during Christmas, but I will take it further and proclaim that they're actually about people who are either awful, boring, or both, but we're meant to think they're lovable because they're played by So and So from that TV show from the 90's you or may not remember!
  9. I think one of the most brilliantly complex "villain apologia" films is Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? The titular Baby Jane (the always great Bette Davis) is a washed-up, long forgotten former child star whom time has not treated kindly in terms of looks or sanity. Jane lives with wheelchair bound older sister, ex-starlet Blanche (Joan Crawford, Davis's real-life nemesis), and is basically the caretaker from Hell. Jane screams at Blanche, smacks her around, starves her, forges her name to sign checks... and those are the least horrifying of Jane's deeds (trust me, they get much, much worse)! As her insanity and cruelty escalate, our sympathies are naturally with poor, tormented, vulnerable Blanche. Early in the film, we see a car accident take place 25 years in the past, and we quickly deduce it's the accident that crippled Blanche. Other characters say (and we also naturally assume) Jane was behind the wheel, and she cruelly tried to murder her more successful sister. What a psycho bitch, right? It's not only villain apologia done well, but it's a great twist that makes good, logical sense (please take notes, Game of Thrones writers).
  10. Love How to Steal a Million. Peter O'Toole was the closest thing Audrey Hepburn ever had to competition in the pretty department. 😀
  11. In the 2005 version of Pride & Prejudice, I really love the brief montage after Jane accepts Bingley's proposal that not only shows Mr. and Mrs. Bennett sweetly chatting in bed (awww, it's not such a bad marriage, after all!), but we see Mary reading to Kitty, and Kitty actually appears to be listening. I like the idea of Mary and Kitty bonding, because they're both quintessential middle siblings, and they'd be good influences on each other: Kitty could teach Mary to lighten up and have a little fun, and Mary could teach Kitty to use her head once in a while.
  12. Betsy Byars was a wonderful author, Summer of the Swans is a lovely book. We'll miss you, Ms. Byars.
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