Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[ChromaKelly]

On 10/2/2017 at 8:28 PM, topanga said:

And on TV, the husband/boyfriend/SO will confront the kisser and try to kick his ass. Especially if it's his best friend. There's never a simple "Dude, what the hell is wrong with you? Stay away from my woman. And we aren't friends anymore."

He would go to the kisser's house, ring the doorbell, and punch him in the face as he opens the door. Or show up at his place of work and punch him. A bystander shrieks and drops a glass.

[auntlada]

5 hours ago, ChromaKelly said:

He would go to the kisser's house, ring the doorbell, and punch him in the face as he opens the door. Or show up at his place of work and punch him. A bystander shrieks and drops a glass.

And then he finds out he hit the wrong guy because a friend of the kisser was visiting when the doorbell rang. The kisser was doing something and said to his friend, "That's probably the pizza. Could you get the door?" Or the friend jumped up and said, "Pizza's here! I'll get it!" And then he got hit.

[shang yiet]

Does every police department in the US have a professional hairstylist, make-up artist and wardrobe consultant on 24-hour call for those stakeouts at fancy parties or nightclubs? Because it seems like female cops or detectives take only about a couple of hours to get themselves all dolled up from head to toe in an evening gown that fits them to a tee, hair and make-up all perfect.

And when the dolled up female detective shows up at that fancy party, the bad guy will immediately be attracted to her, even though  he has a bevy of lovelies hanging all over him.

[andromeda331]

All fake duels end up with someone murdered. 

[ganesh]

I would like everyone to know I bought a baggette at the grocery store today and placed it sticking up out of my bag so everyone knew I lived a life of whimsy. 

[caci]

When I buy a baguette,  it doesn't fit the plastic bag.  ( no paper or recycled bag for me)  However, it never looks whimsical because usually it is flopping around and I have to worry about it falling out of the bag. I guess I'm not the tv baguette type.

[Bastet]

I think about that every time I buy a baguette.  Also carrots.  I bought carrots yesterday, and I buy them with the greens attached (so I know they're fresh), and as I loaded the grocery bag into my car, I chuckled that the greens were not sticking artfully out the top of the bag (I'd only bought a few things, so nothing was visible).

[CoderLady]

23 minutes ago, Bastet said:

I think about that every time I buy a baguette.  Also carrots.  I bought carrots yesterday, and I buy them with the greens attached (so I know they're fresh), and as I loaded the grocery bag into my car, I chuckled that the greens were not sticking artfully out the top of the bag (I'd only bought a few things, so nothing was visible).

You forgot the dozen or so loose oranges. You need those so that when you drop the bag on the ground during a pursuit or attack they roll all over the place. If you had the oranges the bag would be full enough for the baguette and carrots to stick out.

[Bastet]

I have two orange trees in my backyard, so I won't have any oranges spilling out of my grocery bags should hijinks or attacks ensue on my way home from the market.  Sigh; I was so close with the baguette and leafy carrots (and reusable canvas bag), but I guess I'll never be a TV character.

[ganesh]

1 hour ago, caci said:

When I buy a baguette,  it doesn't fit the plastic bag.

I have my own cloth bag of course. #whimsy

[DittyDotDot]

4 minutes ago, ganesh said:

I have my own cloth bag of course. #whimsy

But, the real question is, did you leave your car radio on when you parked your car at the Whimsy Market? ;)

[ganesh]

Honey, please. 

[Shannon L.]

2 hours ago, DittyDotDot said:

But, the real question is, did you leave your car radio on when you parked your car at the Whimsy Market? ;)

hee!  I have to be honest:  While I still leave the radio on, the long discussion we had about that and the AC has made me start turning off the AC before I turn turn the car off  :) 

[MaryPatShelby]

I don't know why I've noticed this so much recently, because it's been around for awhile, but everyone on TV has a photo of their loved one, who is often dead, tucked into the sun visor in their car.  So they can pull down the visor, see the photo, and either have a conversation with the often-dead loved one, or get instant motivation to succeed at some difficult task.  

[Joe]

So it's time for a shootout with the bad guys. They consist of a bunch of guys with automatic rifles in full body armour. But the one in the lead only has a vest and pistol, not even a helmet. If I was going into a shootout, I would be armouring up with the biggest gun I could carry. Then hiding behind a brick wall the whole time, let's be honest.

[shapeshifter]

17 hours ago, ganesh said:

I would like everyone to know I bought a baggette at the grocery store today and placed it sticking up out of my bag so everyone knew I lived a life of whimsy. 

As of this moment, your baguette purchase post has generated 18 mood improvements, as represented by likes/hearts. Well worth the purchase (and post)! 
This week my local grocery store advertiser indicated for the first time that they will have "multigrain" baguettes, which I was thinking of trying—and of course asking for a paper bag at the checkout.

 

15 hours ago, CoderLady said:

You forgot the dozen or so loose oranges. You need those so that when you drop the bag on the ground during a pursuit or attack they roll all over the place. If you had the oranges the bag would be full enough for the baguette and carrots to stick out.

In Whimsyton, the oranges only spill when an attractive soul mate is nearby to help gather them up.

[ganesh]

And your hair is in a bun with a pencil except for some loose strands to indicate your harried personal life. 

[Tunia]

41 minutes ago, ganesh said:

And your hair is in a bun with a pencil except for some loose strands to indicate your harried personal life. 

Said hair will magically lose the pencil and fall onto the shoulders in perfectly styled waves when the attractive gentleman has finished picking up the oranges.

[Katy M]

On ‎10‎/‎5‎/‎2017 at 7:25 AM, Cobalt Stargazer said:

You've been watching Judge Judy, haven't you?

Nope, I have just known a couple of people in my life, who, if they had gotten pregnant, I have no idea how they would know who the father was.  Apparently, sex is just for fun.

[DittyDotDot]

13 minutes ago, Tunia said:

Said hair will magically lose the pencil and fall onto the shoulders in perfectly styled waves when the attractive gentleman has finished picking up the oranges.

I often put my hair in a bun and use a pencil because it's handy, but I've never been able to get it to fall out perfectly styled. Is there a special brush or appliance I should know about, but don't? ;)

13 minutes ago, Katy M said:

Apparently, sex is just for fun.

Well... ;)

[Katy M]

@DittyDotDot, I'm not saying you shouldn't have fun when you have sex.  I'm just saying that maybe you should know the other person's name and maybe only 1 different partner per week, at most.

[DittyDotDot]

3 minutes ago, Katy M said:

@DittyDotDot, I'm not saying you shouldn't have fun when you have sex.  I'm just saying that maybe you should know the other person's name and maybe only 1 different partner per week, at most.

Sure, that's one way to do it, but all that thinking and planning probably isn't as much fun as just doing...just sayin'. ;)

[biakbiak]

1 hour ago, ganesh said:

And your hair is in a bun with a pencil except for some loose strands to indicate your harried personal life. 

I do this frequently when I have long hair, if I am cooking and it starts to annoy me I use bucatini or chopsticks. My personal life isn't harried I just constantly lose hair ties. 

[scarynikki12]

How in the hell are you guys able to make a bun with a pencil?  Every time I've tried it just falls down.

[Anela]

1 minute ago, scarynikki12 said:

How in the hell are you guys able to make a bun with a pencil?  Every time I've tried it just falls down.

Same here. I also don't know how to tie a towel around me, and get it to stay up by itself. They used to show that a lot on TV.

[scarynikki12]

5 minutes ago, Anela said:

Same here. I also don't know how to tie a towel around me, and get it to stay up by itself. They used to show that a lot on TV.

That I can do.  I do it every day after my shower in fact. 

[Popples]

I can get the towel around me, but if I take too long to get from the bathroom to my room, it starts to slip.

[DittyDotDot]

10 minutes ago, scarynikki12 said:

How in the hell are you guys able to make a bun with a pencil?  Every time I've tried it just falls down.

It's no different than using any other type of stick to hold a bun. 

[biakbiak]

18 minutes ago, scarynikki12 said:

How in the hell are you guys able to make a bun with a pencil?  Every time I've tried it just falls down.

I just make a ponytail, twist it around the pencil and then push the pencil back towards my head, works everytime, though depending on my cut a piece of hair may escape. One has to be a little bit more gentle with bucatini so it doesn't break.

[ganesh]

1 hour ago, DittyDotDot said:

I often put my hair in a bun and use a pencil because it's handy, but I've never been able to get it to fall out perfectly styled.

When one of the students puts the pencil in her hair, it's like gtfo don't bother me. I don't even look at her. 

[shapeshifter]

9 hours ago, scarynikki12 said:

How in the hell are you guys able to make a bun with a pencil?  Every time I've tried it just falls down.

It helps to have wavy or curly hair. Otherwise, if it's long enough, braid your hair into a single braid and then fold the braid back on itself and use the pencil or stick to thread the two braid layers together.
I used to do that when I had long hair, but I have never seen it done on TV.

[Haleth]

18 hours ago, scarynikki12 said:

That I can do.  I do it every day after my shower in fact. 

Then do you get locked out of your house and have to hide in the bushes until a stranger (potential romantic partner) comes along to help you?

Edited October 16, 2017 by Haleth

[Moose135]

On 10/15/2017 at 0:35 PM, DittyDotDot said:

I often put my hair in a bun and use a pencil because it's handy, but I've never been able to get it to fall out perfectly styled. Is there a special brush or appliance I should know about, but don't? ;)

You need to make sure it falls out in slow motion, that's the trick to getting it perfectly styled.

[DittyDotDot]

25 minutes ago, Moose135 said:

You need to make sure it falls out in slow motion, that's the trick to getting it perfectly styled.

Oh, I see. So not something I can actually reproduce in real life? ;)

[meep.meep]

15 hours ago, Moose135 said:

You need to make sure it falls out in slow motion, that's the trick to getting it perfectly styled.

I believe it's actually the result of the slow side to side head shake that gets it perfectly styled.

Part of every woman's arsenal of hair shakes and flips.  "Flip it like a white girl!," Miss Tyra Banks

[shapeshifter]

18 hours ago, DittyDotDot said:

 

18 hours ago, Moose135 said:

You need to make sure it falls out in slow motion, that's the trick to getting it perfectly styled.

Oh, I see. So not something I can actually reproduce in real life? ;)

"only on TV," or at least only with a camera. Your phone might have an option to slow down a selfie video. 

Now I'm picturing a slo-mo video of oranges spilling out of the brown paper bag with the random soul mate stopping to help and then in slo-mo with a hair flip (just bangs is acceptable) their eyes meet, and then the camera focuses on one hand covering the other's hand as they reach for the same orange—which really only happens on TV. 
—At which point I gag and turn off the TV. #nolongeraromantic

[2727]

7 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

#nolongeraromantic

The Lifetime Movie Channel is sad to hear this.

Which, in the broadest sense of only on TV ... every romcom situation ever.

[ganesh]

I'm not even joking, but peaches spilled out of my bag last Saturday *at the farmers market* because I dropped a container of tomatoes and tried to catch it. 

The background music was overwhelming. 

[ChromaKelly]

21 hours ago, ganesh said:

I'm not even joking, but peaches spilled out of my bag last Saturday *at the farmers market* because I dropped a container of tomatoes and tried to catch it. 

The background music was overwhelming. 

Did your true love bend down to pick up the peaches just as you were? Did your eyes lock and you knew at that moment it was Meant To Be?

[ganesh]

I was behind my car on a side street so no one saw. 

[2727]

From a new show that premiered last night. Set decorators, please. I'm begging you.

[Haleth]

A baguette and carrots.  Bingo.  Did she drop the bag and have oranges roll out?

[andromeda331]

The murderer gets found not guilty only to be shot and kill on the courthouse steps. Its practically an epidemic on TV. The cops and/or lawyers never once remark "That's fifth time that's happen on these steps." 

[Annber03]

Just now, andromeda331 said:

The cops and/or lawyers never once remark "That's fifth time that's happen on these steps." 

Okay, now I want somebody to actually say that sometime :D. 

[Calvada]

Only on TV do law enforcement officers and  those who work for national security agencies discuss the details of their investigation or the top secret op they are working on in a public area - at the coffee shop, at the hot dog stand, as they walk along the street.  In today's world, all those details would be on Twitter in a matter of minutes.  

[Anela]

1 hour ago, Calvada said:

Only on TV do law enforcement officers and  those who work for national security agencies discuss the details of their investigation or the top secret op they are working on in a public area - at the coffee shop, at the hot dog stand, as they walk along the street.  In today's world, all those details would be on Twitter in a matter of minutes.  

And people who have committed murder, or another crime, will do the same thing. It's a wonder they don't run into each other  - unless it's necessary for a Plot Twist. 

[Tunia]

4 hours ago, Calvada said:

Only on TV do law enforcement officers and  those who work for national security agencies discuss the details of their investigation or the top secret op they are working on in a public area - at the coffee shop, at the hot dog stand, as they walk along the street.  In today's world, all those details would be on Twitter in a matter of minutes.  

...and lawyers for a high-profile client discussing judicial probes at the same coffee shop where NY Times reporters are sitting a couple of tables away.  :-)

Edited October 30, 2017 by Tunia

[SunnyBeBe]

I laugh when defendants who have just been arrested, have their interrogation interrupted by an zealous attorney who just shows up at the door. lol  (They must have ESP or something.  Plus, police stations are locked up tight.  You can't just waltz up to an interrogation room like that! lol And a public defender would take days, if not weeks to get the paperwork processed.)

In one scene a loud argument can't be heard by those in the next room, but, other times, the person can overhear a conversation on the other side of the house, through a thick door.  lol 

And my favorite is when the homeowner hears a strange noise, calls out, no one answers, so they creep throughout the house continuing to call out, "Who's there?"  lol  It's so frustrating.  Makes me root for the intruder to take them out.  Just too stupid. 

[Annber03]

42 minutes ago, SunnyBeBe said:

In one scene a loud argument can't be heard by those in the next room, but, other times, the person can overhear a conversation on the other side of the house, through a thick door.  lol 

This happens a lot on one of my favorite shows, "Frasier" :p. It's amazing what they can and can't hear in those rooms (the kitchen, especially) or behind those doors sometimes. 

Quote

And my favorite is when the homeowner hears a strange noise, calls out, no one answers, so they creep throughout the house continuing to call out, "Who's there?"  lol  It's so frustrating.  Makes me root for the intruder to take them out.  Just too stupid. 

Yes! Every time somebody's hiding from a creepy person in a show or movie, I'm always sitting here murmuring, "Shhhhh...". 

(They actually poked a bit of fun at that trope on a "Criminal Minds" episode once. A lady heard a noise and did the whole, "Who's there?" thing, and she followed that up by muttering, "Yeah, 'cause the killer in the bushes is really going to answer you..."

Mind, she did get attacked shortly afterward, but still...)

[SunnyBeBe]

That's right.  I mean, who does the homeowner think should be hiding in their house?  Do they expect someone to say, "Hey, I'm Bob, your neighbor. I broke into your home to check out your gun collection while you were away" or "Hey, I'm Kelly, your insurance agent. I just dropped by to see if I could get you a lower price on your car insurance."  (Wink)