Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[Lugal]

8 hours ago, Sandman87 said:

Poison: Always either fatal within minutes (or seconds!), or else frightfully exotic, meaning that there's no known antidote and it will take exactly two days to kill you. Either way, there's no point in calling 911 or a poison control hotline.

And the lethal ones always cause foaming at the mouth.

It's funny, I was watching a show the other week when the hero was fighting the villains and they shot him with a tranquilizer dart.  He was able to get away and passed out but when he woke up his friend was actually saying they could have killed him with the imprecise dosage.

[Anela]

4 hours ago, biakbiak said:

If in real life I somehow knew that I had been poisoned by a supernatural creature I think that those people would be my first thought as well because I imagine if I went into my local ER with that story they would put me on a 5150 hold and I would die in a psychiatric ward.

And then one person would have known something was really wrong, paid attention, and end up trying to find the creature that poisoned you. There would also be a young, new reporter, trying to get their foot in the door - hot on the trail of the creature, or whomever is killing people - and an older, veteran reporter helping them. They won't be believed until it's (almost) too late. 

Same usually goes for catching a regular, rich bad guy.

Edited June 22, 2017 by Anela

[2727]

This must happen IRL I guess, but hardly anyone on TV can go a day without blurting out something secret and/or embarrassing about another person only to find out that the person is standing behind them.

I also blame the people listening for never stopping said blurter in time.

Edited June 23, 2017 by 2727

[kiddo82]

I have a caveat to our conversation going back a ways about minions dying but heroes villains surving like cockroaches.  When the main hero or main villain does die it's never instant.  No main one takes one between eyes and lights out.  No.  He or she always has juuuuuust enough life left  to do something heroic/say something heroic/say some villainous/confess something/tell someone to go to hell/etc.  The only time they run out of time is right as they are about to reveal a killer or a location of a bomb or something.  

[Rosiejuliemom]

Any time a character uses a defibrillator on a flatline. Kinda hard to shock something into a proper rhythm if there isn't a rhythm there anymore. Gotta keep doing CPR, get those ACLS drugs circulating and go from there.

 

Also, most TV medical personnel should be losing their licenses/fighting malpractice suits on a weekly basis. County General staff, I'm lookin' at you specifically.

Edited June 26, 2017 by Rosiejuliemom

[riley702]

1 hour ago, Rosiejuliemom said:

Any time a character uses a defibrillator on a flatline. Kinda hard to shock something into a proper rhythm if there isn't a rhythm there anymore. Gotta keep doing CPR, get those ACLS drugs circulating and go from there.

I love you for knowing that!

[dalek]

Quote

Any time a character uses a defibrillator on a flatline. Kinda hard to shock something into a proper rhythm if there isn't a rhythm there anymore. Gotta keep doing CPR, get those ACLS drugs circulating and go from there.

Yep.  When you use the defibrillator in that situation, you might as well be Gene Wilder in Young Frankenstein shouting "life, life, give my monster life"

[ChromaKelly]

People schedule appointments with doctors, therapists, accountants, etc under some pretense but really it's for the purpose of snooping on their SO, fishing for information, or wacky hijinks. I always wonder if they paid or how the doctor's office billed that visit to insurance.

[Katy M]

46 minutes ago, ChromaKelly said:

People schedule appointments with doctors, therapists, accountants, etc under some pretense but really it's for the purpose of snooping on their SO, fishing for information, or wacky hijinks. I always wonder if they paid or how the doctor's office billed that visit to insurance.

Curiousity killed the cat.  Therefore it's deadly.  And a doctor's office is in order and insurance should pay.

[2727]

Why are many fictional private investigators poor? Barely scraping by in ratty apartments, behind on their bills, can't pay their long-suffering assistants, tired, beat up, unshaven, not eating (but always drinking). The females are allowed to be less grubby but they're living hand to mouth as well. They frequently devote their entire time to clients who can't pay. If they ever do get a bit if a windfall from a job, they somehow lose it or give it away.

I gotta think that most detectives IRL wouldn't stay in business if they're constantly in the red.

Edited July 2, 2017 by 2727

[2727]

Everyone on TV who needs access to someone else's computer/phone is able to deduce passwords because "John likes apple pie! Try that!" They get a couple wrong at first, just to make it "realistic."

Screw you, password hackers!

[Lugal]

If they wanted it to be realistic they should just try "123456" or "qwerty"

[CoderLady]

Or it's the dead wife/child/pet's name.

What I always wonder about is the upper/lower case thing. Why is it that no one ever uses a combination of characters? Why is it always "fluffy" or "FLUFFY" and never "fLUffY"? The number of combinations in a 6-letter password should make it improbable that whoever guessed the name should be able to enter it correctly before getting locked out. And what system gives the casual hacker infinite tries, anyway?

Overthinking again.

[Moose135]

3 hours ago, Lugal said:

If they wanted it to be realistic they should just try "123456" or "qwerty"

"password"

[ChromaKelly]

12 hours ago, CoderLady said:

Or it's the dead wife/child/pet's name.

 

The computer owner has a picture of said dead loved one right next to the computer, which gives the hacker the idea to use that name.

[Shannon L.]

Somehow I doubt that I would be able to easily lift a man hole cover and slide it to the side.

[topanga]

Don't know if this been said already, but someone comes home really late and tries to sneak to their bedroom without turning on a light. Then a lamp suddenly comes on in the living room and a parent/spouse/significant other says, "Late night?" and scares the crap out of the person sneaking in. 

[Katy M]

19 minutes ago, topanga said:

Don't know if this been said already, but someone comes home really late and tries to sneak to their bedroom without turning on a light. Then a lamp suddenly comes on in the living room and a parent/spouse/significant other says, "Late night?" and scares the crap out of the person sneaking in. 

I've never tried to sneak in late at night because I've always been a lame-o.  But, I would think that would happen.  A friend of mine in high school actually told a story of how she was sneaking in her bedroom window and her mom turned the light on when she got all the way in.

[Bastet]

Yep, that happened to my friend in high school, too.  She came in downstairs after staying out far past curfew with her boyfriend, crept through the dark house up to her bedroom without either of her parents popping out of their bedroom, thought she'd made it, and suddenly the light turned on to reveal her mom sitting on her bed saying, "Your goose is cooked."  As you can see, we still talk about it to this day.  Probably because it's the sort of thing that happens far less often in real life than on TV; we joked then and now that her mom had been watching too many family sitcoms.

[rue721]

7 hours ago, Bastet said:

and suddenly the light turned on to reveal her mom sitting on her bed saying, "Your goose is cooked."

What an awful evening for her mother!

How long was she just sitting there in the dark room waiting for her daughter to make her entrance? If she wasn't already mad when she saw her daughter was gone, I'm sure she was pissed as hell after waiting there bored and tired for so long.

I didn't have a bedtime as a child, didn't have a curfew as a teenager, etc. I just came in when I came in.

That would be pretty anticlimactic on TV, though. "Oh, where's [kid]?" "I dunno." "OK, I'm going to bed." "Night!" Then Kid eventually wonders in at like 3am and goes to bed without incident.

[ganesh]

"Your goose is cooked" sounds like a line for a B 80s movie though and the perfect time to use it. 

[Bastet]

16 hours ago, rue721 said:

How long was she just sitting there in the dark room waiting for her daughter to make her entrance?

Probably not long, although I've never asked her.  I suspect the opportunity just presented itself.  

[legaleagle53]

On 7/11/2017 at 8:50 AM, topanga said:

Don't know if this been said already, but someone comes home really late and tries to sneak to their bedroom without turning on a light. Then a lamp suddenly comes on in the living room and a parent/spouse/significant other says, "Late night?" and scares the crap out of the person sneaking in. 

My late mother actually did that to me once, except that she didn't even bother to turn on the light, so I came in thinking that she was asleep, when all of a sudden I heard her ask me in a VERY angry tone, "Where have you been?  Do I have to put a curfew on you?"  I must have jumped three feet when she just suddenly spoke up in the dark without warning.

I wouldn't have minded the threat of a curfew, except that I was 22 years old at the time and already working part-time. As I said to her a few days later after she had calmed down and we were able to discuss the matter like adults (she never did put a curfew on me, by the way -- she was just mad that I hadn't thought to call her to let her know where I was), you just don't put a curfew on an adult who is bringing home half the bacon. Ever. But I did apologize for not calling her -- she WAS right about that.

[shapeshifter]

If this ever happens IRL, please correct me, but I doubt it happens as frequently as it does on TV:
The powerless relative of the victim shoots the evil killer and/or molester and/or rapist/and or thief of life savings and/or despicable human who cannot be convicted because of legal technicalities, resulting in the otherwise innocent relative going to prison for a very long time, even though, miraculously, no bystanders are ever injured, whereas the evil doer gets to skip out on their prison part of life.

Edited July 16, 2017 by shapeshifter
Typo

[kiddo82]

And it's always right outside on the courthouse steps.

This one is akin to turning on the TV at the exact moment the news is talking about something relevant:  when someone is over at your place, particularly on a date, and he or she picks up a book off your shelf he or she will always flip to some profound passage and read it out loud.  Totally randomly.  On the first shot of flipping.  And it's always some famous book by a long deceased author.  Your date never picks ups some trashy beach novel and reads that out loud.  

[Bastet]

Vigilante killings are far more common on TV than in real life, thank goodness, but, yes, it does happen that where a case cannot be made - for perfectly legitimate reasons or for those classified as technicalities (and a whole lot of things TV labels as stumbling blocks to convicting offenders rather than constitutional protections for which we should all be grateful) - a loved one commits their own crime, often leaving evidence in so doing that makes their crime easier to charge than the one they sought to avenge.

Edited July 16, 2017 by Bastet

[2727]

12 hours ago, kiddo82 said:

... turning on the TV at the exact moment the news is talking about something relevant

Otherwise, the TV is never on and never featured in anybody's home. The main uses of TV:

• Coincidentally getting your relevant news.
• Specifically watching to see if a crime you've committed or been involved with is being reported.
• "Quick! Turn on the TV!" scenes where another person wants you to see something. (Although they never specify what channel it is.)

[HunterHunted]

On 7/11/2017 at 2:22 PM, Bastet said:

Yep, that happened to my friend in high school, too.  She came in downstairs after staying out far past curfew with her boyfriend, crept through the dark house up to her bedroom without either of her parents popping out of their bedroom, thought she'd made it, and suddenly the light turned on to reveal her mom sitting on her bed saying, "Your goose is cooked."  As you can see, we still talk about it to this day.  Probably because it's the sort of thing that happens far less often in real life than on TV; we joked then and now that her mom had been watching too many family sitcoms.

I read that Tommy Lee Jones did something similar to Al Gore in their freshman dorm at Harvard because he knew Al would be moving in late and Tommy thought it would be funny to freak Al out.

[Raja]

6 hours ago, 2727 said:

Otherwise, the TV is never on and never featured in anybody's home. The main uses of TV:

• Coincidentally getting your relevant news.
• Specifically watching to see if a crime you've committed or been involved with is being reported.
• "Quick! Turn on the TV!" scenes where another person wants you to see something. (Although they never specify what channel it is.)

That is unless the character is an Archie Bunker or Al Bundy and then they are TV watchers like the rest of us.

[kiddo82]

And Homer Simpson

[andromeda331]

I hope it doesn't happen in real life, but you have a legitimate reason for not wanting to see your father or mother, sometimes both. Maybe they abandoned you as a child, maybe they beat you, stole, were drunk or on drugs, a criminal etc. Your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/buddy will do everything to make sure you actually do see them again. Maybe they'll "surprise" you by going to the person and bringing them to see you as a surprise. Or they will hammer you that you really should see them, that it would be good for you, that maybe you can get pass whatever happen and start anew. They'll accuse you of being afraid or ask you what your afraid of? As if its not understanding that what ever was done to you is reason enough not to see them or that it really can be for the best to never want to see the person again. They'll tell you what they would do and how they would feel despite not having it happen to them or use the excuse their parent is dead and they would give anything to see their father or mother again somehow not understand that's not the same thing as seeing the parent who abandoned or abused you or whatever. For some reason not listening and accepting you not wanting to do it, Eventually you'll be forced to give in and no matter how badly it goes you'll thank the person and telling them they were right.   

[shapeshifter]

2 hours ago, andromeda331 said:

…you have a legitimate reason for not wanting to see your father or mother, sometimes both. Maybe they abandoned you as a child, maybe they beat you, stole, were drunk or on drugs, a criminal etc. Your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/buddy will do everything to make sure you actually do see them again.…Eventually you'll be forced to give in and no matter how badly it goes you'll thank the person and telling them they were right.   

And 90% of the time, miraculously, not only is the estranged parent still alive and available, but she or he has reformed and is a wonderful human being and has a really good reason for not having contacted you in the last 20-30 years. Or do I have the percentage too high?

[Anela]

7 hours ago, andromeda331 said:

I hope it doesn't happen in real life, but you have a legitimate reason for not wanting to see your father or mother, sometimes both. Maybe they abandoned you as a child, maybe they beat you, stole, were drunk or on drugs, a criminal etc. Your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/buddy will do everything to make sure you actually do see them again. Maybe they'll "surprise" you by going to the person and bringing them to see you as a surprise. Or they will hammer you that you really should see them, that it would be good for you, that maybe you can get pass whatever happen and start anew. They'll accuse you of being afraid or ask you what your afraid of? As if its not understanding that what ever was done to you is reason enough not to see them or that it really can be for the best to never want to see the person again. They'll tell you what they would do and how they would feel despite not having it happen to them or use the excuse their parent is dead and they would give anything to see their father or mother again somehow not understand that's not the same thing as seeing the parent who abandoned or abused you or whatever. For some reason not listening and accepting you not wanting to do it, Eventually you'll be forced to give in and no matter how badly it goes you'll thank the person and telling them they were right.   

This has happened to me, but not with parents. I didn't want to be around the boyfriend of a family member, who hit on me more than once, and did other things (like tell my mother that he was in love with me - and then blamed that on food poisoning and alcohol?). My life was made miserable for a number of years, by my family member/his girlfriend, and I got hammered by others, that I should get over it for her. He was causing trouble the entire time.

I'll probably edit this out, but damn, people can be mean when it comes to someone being in lurve, even when it's with a total trouble-making dickhead. 

[andromeda331]

7 hours ago, Anela said:

This has happened to me, but not with parents. I didn't want to be around the boyfriend of a family member, who hit on me more than once, and did other things (like tell my mother that he was in love with me - and then blamed that on food poisoning and alcohol?). My life was made miserable for a number of years, by my family member/his girlfriend, and I got hammered by others, that I should get over it for her. He was causing trouble the entire time.

I'll probably edit this out, but damn, people can be mean when it comes to someone being in lurve, even when it's with a total trouble-making dickhead. 

That's terrible!

[kiddo82]

All small suburban towns on TV have elaborate founder's day legends that are lavishly celebrated on an annual basis.  School children put on pageants that reenact said legends.  

[methodwriter85]

When a girl gets her first period, it's always a major deal. There's a bit of trauma, including a talk from their mother (or mother figure adjacent), and there may or may not be some kind of celebration. There's also a good deal of angst as the tween girl realizes that she's no longer a little girl.

I'm a guy, but I have three older sisters. No such drama existed over periods other than needing to borrow pads.

[Katy M]

9 hours ago, methodwriter85 said:

When a girl gets her first period, it's always a major deal. There's a bit of trauma, including a talk from their mother (or mother figure adjacent), and there may or may not be some kind of celebration. There's also a good deal of angst as the tween girl realizes that she's no longer a little girl.

I'm a guy, but I have three older sisters. No such drama existed over periods other than needing to borrow pads.

I think it depends on the girl.  there was no celebration, but I did have some trauma and drama due to the fact that I started while I was sleeping and woke up to a lot of blood on my sheets and pain.  Yes, I knew what periods were and that I should be starting soon (I was a late starter, all my friends already had it), but I wasn't expecting that much blood and that much pain, so I thought it was something else and I was dying.

[DittyDotDot]

9 hours ago, methodwriter85 said:

When a girl gets her first period, it's always a major deal. There's a bit of trauma, including a talk from their mother (or mother figure adjacent), and there may or may not be some kind of celebration. There's also a good deal of angst as the tween girl realizes that she's no longer a little girl.

I'm a guy, but I have three older sisters. No such drama existed over periods other than needing to borrow pads.

While I wouldn't say there was regularly any drama over menstrual cycles in our house my first one is still memorable to me as I think it is for most women. I had older sisters and my mother had already had the "talk" with me not to mention the ridiculous films they'd showed us in health class--basically, even though I knew it was coming, I still hadn't a clue what to expect despite being prepared for it.

I wouldn't say my first one was dramatic or anything but I did unknowingly walk around school with blood spots on the back of my pants for a good portion of the day advertising my newfound "womanhood." A teacher quietly told me and I changed, but it was already known by the kids in my class by that time. I tried to play it really cool, like is wasn't any big deal, but I was pretty mortified by it at the time. 

[andromeda331]

My mom told me it was going to suck and you really just had to put up with it. I remember the Cosby show making a big deal over either Vanessa or Rudy getting her first period and how upset the girl was while her mother talking about how great it was and my mom basically laughing and said the opposite. I've always thought my mom was right. 

[Katy M]

16 minutes ago, andromeda331 said:

My mom told me it was going to suck and you really just had to put up with it. I remember the Cosby show making a big deal over either Vanessa or Rudy getting her first period and how upset the girl was while her mother talking about how great it was and my mom basically laughing and said the opposite. I've always thought my mom was right. 

Your mom's definitely right.  What could possibly be great about it?  I mean it's necessary if you want to have kids or whatever.  But, otherwise, it sucks.

[proserpina65]

On ‎07‎/‎17‎/‎2017 at 1:31 AM, andromeda331 said:

I hope it doesn't happen in real life, but you have a legitimate reason for not wanting to see your father or mother, sometimes both. Maybe they abandoned you as a child, maybe they beat you, stole, were drunk or on drugs, a criminal etc. Your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/buddy will do everything to make sure you actually do see them again. Maybe they'll "surprise" you by going to the person and bringing them to see you as a surprise. Or they will hammer you that you really should see them, that it would be good for you, that maybe you can get pass whatever happen and start anew. They'll accuse you of being afraid or ask you what your afraid of? As if its not understanding that what ever was done to you is reason enough not to see them or that it really can be for the best to never want to see the person again. They'll tell you what they would do and how they would feel despite not having it happen to them or use the excuse their parent is dead and they would give anything to see their father or mother again somehow not understand that's not the same thing as seeing the parent who abandoned or abused you or whatever. For some reason not listening and accepting you not wanting to do it, Eventually you'll be forced to give in and no matter how badly it goes you'll thank the person and telling them they were right.   

Reading Dear Prudence on SLATE has taught me that apparently this does happen in real life.  Maybe not the surprising you with the person thing, but definitely the nagging.

[andromeda331]

10 minutes ago, proserpina65 said:

Reading Dear Prudence on SLATE has taught me that apparently this does happen in real life.  Maybe not the surprising you with the person thing, but definitely the nagging.

Really? That's awful.  

2 hours ago, Katy M said:

Your mom's definitely right.  What could possibly be great about it?  I mean it's necessary if you want to have kids or whatever.  But, otherwise, it sucks.

She was. That's pretty much how I saw it. Except for the kids. It sucks. She cheered when she hit menopause and was finally over. 

[proserpina65]

12 minutes ago, andromeda331 said:

Really? That's awful.  

She was. That's pretty much how I saw it. Except for the kids. It sucks. She cheered when she hit menopause and was finally over. 

Well, it is an online advice column, so I won't swear to the veracity of any of the letters, but it tends to come up at least once a month in some form.

[topanga]

On 7/16/2017 at 2:44 PM, HunterHunted said:

I read that Tommy Lee Jones did something similar to Al Gore in their freshman dorm at Harvard because he knew Al would be moving in late and Tommy thought it would be funny to freak Al out.

Sounds funny. But wait, Tommy Lee Jones (of The Fugitive & Men in Black?) went to HARVARD? Must be pretty smart. 

[Haleth]

12 hours ago, topanga said:

Sounds funny. But wait, Tommy Lee Jones (of The Fugitive & Men in Black?) went to HARVARD? Must be pretty smart. 

Yup.  They were roommates.

[Kannon]

When someone steps on a bug, no matter how small, copious amounts of bug guts spurt out from under their shoe.

[Shannon L.]

All missing federal agents end up on barges in the middle of the ocean.

[legaleagle53]

On 7/18/2017 at 9:47 PM, methodwriter85 said:

When a girl gets her first period, it's always a major deal. There's a bit of trauma, including a talk from their mother (or mother figure adjacent), and there may or may not be some kind of celebration. There's also a good deal of angst as the tween girl realizes that she's no longer a little girl.

I'm a guy, but I have three older sisters. No such drama existed over periods other than needing to borrow pads.

They had to borrow pads from you?  You're a very unusual guy, then!  ;-)

[2727]

I'm so tired of TV morgues/autopsy rooms being dim and foreboding, with pathologists working under maybe a single overhead lamp. In actual fact they are very BRIGHTLY LIT.

[caci]

 I just thought of Quincy and that may have been one of the few shows in which the morgue was brightly lit.