Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[lucindabelle]

It's actually not only one tv itsalso true inn films and plays, but all high school kids and teens have secondary sex characteristics, all the girls have chests. The boys look like young men.

No 14 year olds that look 11 (she says bitterly).

[Kromm]

Actually according to ne york times book review podcast paper books are still selling an ebooks have leveled off.

Partly because ebooks can now cost more than paperbacks.

That's artificial situation though--people demanding more ebooks with no actual shortage of supply.

 

The thing is ebooks aren't really in competition with paper books, because they largely serve different purposes now. And books don't compete with each other either, because you don't simply ever replace one book with another because of a price difference. So the normal rules of commerce can't really be applied.

 

Interestingly enough though, they do with magazines and the move now to digitize them (because if the Digital version of People magazine is too expensive--and it is actually--then people will just get another magazine). That said, Magazines will always have print editions, if purely to service airlines and airports, supermarket checkout lines, and Doctor's waiting rooms.

 

Doctor's waiting rooms are probably another thing bent by TV a bit. On TV they seem to be either mostly either noisy low-rent clinics, or high class shiny expensive affairs. The beige colored cookie cutter places most of us go, with a few screaming children (but not so many it's like the poor folk clinics on TV) and tons of dog-eared magazines, rarely make TV screens.

[lucindabelle]

I framing hate tv's om in doctors offices and more than once I've seen people ask them to be turne off.

Regardless of your opinion it simply is q fact that ebooks have leveled off and paperback ales ahve taken off. Make of that what you will but the facts are not in dispute.

For myself, I don't want an ebook cookbook for example. Nor reference book. Ec.

[shang yiet]

This is more for the movies but if someone you have been belittling, disrespecting or criticising suddenly comes through in a crisis and saves the day, no need to apologise or make a big speech. Just catch his eye while everyone else is congratulating him and give him the manly nod of affirmation. Then he will nod back in return and all's well with the two of you.

[Shannon L.]

Only on tv is it taboo to mention that you see a therapist or highly insulting if someone asks if you see one (or suggests that it might help).

[ganesh]

Manly Nod of Affirmation is totally a thing. 

 

Actually, I still think there's a lot of taboo with seeing a therapist irl still, unfortunately.

 

My dentist waiting room isn't anything like the tv versions either. It's nicer than my living room. The whole place is like a fancy condo. A big one. 

[Kromm]

Reality Show entry:

 

I'm fairly certain we've mentioned "I'm not here to make friends", but I'm too lazy to search 30 pages and see if we've also mentioned "I'm here to win" (a self-obvious statement if one ever existed) and the rest of the whole bag of related cliches. In a nutshell these are real people saying these things, but they'd never say them if they weren't being filmed (in real life most people, even now, would tend to be more modest and say things that are less obvious). So it fits the Only on TV notion. There are a whole bunch of these that get said over and over and over. 

[ganesh]

"I'm here to win" was what I said on my wedding night. 

I'll show myself out.

[Kel Varnsen]

For reality shows don't forget "I'm not an asshole I'm just keeping it real/speaking the truth".

[lucindabelle]

Oh god yes those cliches!

You know in real life, collegiality actually does, in fact,matter

Edited December 30, 2015 by lucindabelle

[ganesh]

Manly Nod of Affirmation.

[yourpointis]

"You haven't seen the last of me yet". No, we'll see you on the reunion show. 

[Demented Daisy]

*shrug*  It is what it is.

[NewDigs]

Reality Show entry:

 

I'm fairly certain we've mentioned "I'm not here to make friends", but I'm too lazy to search 30 pages and see if we've also mentioned "I'm here to win" (a self-obvious statement if one ever existed) and the rest of the whole bag of related cliches. In a nutshell these are real people saying these things, but they'd never say them if they weren't being filmed (in real life most people, even now, would tend to be more modest and say things that are less obvious). So it fits the Only on TV notion. There are a whole bunch of these that get said over and over and over.

I know that at work I sometimes say, to myself, I'm not here to make friends.

Though when that trope crosses my mind I also usually remember the 2008 Youtube montage.

[backformore]

I wish they would retire the trope where is someone explains something scientifically in big words, someone else says, "Could you say that in English?"

That one goes right next to

"Move to your right"

(person moves LEFT)

"Your OTHER right!"

 

lazy writers.

[Sandman87]

That seems realistic enough to me. My family has been using "your other right" for as long as I can remember.

[shapeshifter]

That seems realistic enough to me. My family has been using "your other right" for as long as I can remember.

My family never used that expression, but it sounds like it could be more helpful than laughter for a confused left-handed kid who hears at school to use the hand she writes with.

And, yes, Virginia, I just ended that sentence with a preposition--like Shakespeare--so deal with it.

[Ohwell]

As a kid, I was ambidextrous.  However, the teachers wanted all of the students to write with their right hand.  This was waaaay back in the day when teachers could discipline you and whack you on the hand with a ruler if you didn't comply.  I thought that was horrible that you had to write only one way.  So, on principle, I decided to become a lefty only and have been that way ever since. 

[Kromm]

That one goes right next to

"Move to your right"

(person moves LEFT)

"Your OTHER right!"

 

lazy writers.

 

That seems realistic enough to me. My family has been using "your other right" for as long as I can remember.

I agree. I've used that expression no less than 2 or 3 times a year for my entire life.

[legaleagle53]

It's actually not only one tv itsalso true inn films and plays, but all high school kids and teens have secondary sex characteristics, all the girls have chests. The boys look like young men.

No 14 year olds that look 11 (she says bitterly).

 

Now you know perfectly well that that's because the main cast is always at least 24 in real life (bonus points if they're actually pushing or over 30).

[Kromm]

"You haven't seen the last of me yet". No, we'll see you on the reunion show. 

"Go big or go home!"

 

Okay then. Go home!

[islandgal140]

This probably applies to both tv and movies but when one gunshot to the abdomen results in being almost instantly open-eyed dead. I could buy being knocked unconscious by the pain and shock by to fall dead right there within seconds? Unlikely. Shots to the stomach are said to be one of the most painful and slower deaths. One show that did it correctly was S2 True Detective. Yeah, it sucked balls but it had a more accurate portrayal when Vince Vaughn's character shot someone in the gut and watched them slowly die as did

his character at the end

. 

[kili]

One show that did it correctly was S2 True Detective.

 

Lost did this as well in Season 1. The police officer that arrested Kate was dying slowly from his wounds, so Sawyer shot him in the chest to put him out of his misery. Jack had to inform him that he hadn't killed the guy and now he was going to die an even more agonizing death. He was making some horrible noises. Jack went in the tent and did something that did speed up the death.

 

On the other hand, being shot in the shoulder is generally no big deal. Nobody takes it seriously. You can go on to wrestle somebody else to the ground. You can quip about it later. Nobody will rush you to the hospital. Lost actually had Sawyer shot in the shoulder and he did eventually get an infection which nearly killed him, but before that he was swimming and wrestling and wise-cracking up a storm. Still, at least he did seem to be in some pain and eventually urgently needed medical attention unlike many others shot in the shoulder.

 

If you get shot in the butt, you will just get laughed at. Apparently, that is even less of a deal.

Edited January 4, 2016 by kili

[Cobalt Stargazer]

If you get shot in the butt, you will just get laughed at. Apparently, that is even less of a deal.

 

[Odafin Tutuola]"You weren't here when Munch got shot in the ass by some kid. To this day he still has to use a special pillow."

[Sandman87]

Also; getting shot in an arm or a leg is only going to be inconvenient, as long as a major artery isn't involved. No one ever needs to worry about hydrostatic shock. It doesn't matter what you've been shot with either, so a hunting rifle wound isn't any worse than one from a .22 pistol. Just slap a bandage on it and you're good!

[Demented Daisy]

Was just watching a car chase and I'll be damned if a full-sized pick up truck didn't make a 90 degree turn at full speed.  SUVs do it all the time, too.

 

I always wonder how they film that.  Creative editing?  Do they film at a slower speed and crank it up in post?

[anna0852]

A trained driver on a closed course with specially equipped vehicle. It's practiced almost like a dance.

[Raja]

Was just watching a car chase and I'll be damned if a full-sized pick up truck didn't make a 90 degree turn at full speed.  SUVs do it all the time, too.

 

I always wonder how they film that.  Creative editing?  Do they film at a slower speed and crank it up in post?

Its because McGarrett is a SEAL and SEALs can do anything. Right up there with The Transporter and Dominic Toretto willing their cars to spin in mid air

[DeLurker]

"I'm here to win" was what I said on my wedding night. 

I'll show myself out.

My ex said "I'm not here to make friends".

[Rick Kitchen]

Manly Nod of Affirmation is totally a thing. 

 

Actually, I still think there's a lot of taboo with seeing a therapist irl still, unfortunately.

 

My dentist waiting room isn't anything like the tv versions either. It's nicer than my living room. The whole place is like a fancy condo. A big one. 

 

The dentist that my mother goes to plays the exact same freaking harp  and pipe song over and over and over again.  Waiting for her in the waiting room drives me crazy.

[BatmanBeatles]

People in a group of friends can have completely different personalities, yet they still get along great.

[Tunia]

I've yet to meet anyone who can do this IRL, but on TV anyone packing for a trip goes into their closet, pulls out 5 outfits and tosses them into the suitcase, ready to go.  They never have to try anything on or coordinate, and everything is already pressed.  Who does that???

[Raja]

I've yet to meet anyone who can do this IRL, but on TV anyone packing for a trip goes into their closet, pulls out 5 outfits and tosses them into the suitcase, ready to go.  They never have to try anything on or coordinate, and everything is already pressed.  Who does that???

A soldier who has been through many rapid deployment exercises. An officer with more uniforms he may have bought wouldn't even have to pack just pick up his pre packed bags.

[Bastet]

If you get shot in the butt, you will just get laughed at. Apparently, that is even less of a deal.

 

I think it's realistic that once you're okay, some of your friends will, indeed, make jokes about you being shot in the ass.  But (heh), yeah, for it to always be a simple injury on TV is quite misleading; I was just watching a medical documentary tonight containing discussion of how dangerous a place that is to be shot, given the serious, including life-threatening, damage that can be done depending on the bullet's trajectory.

[zxy556575]

I've yet to meet anyone who can do this IRL, but on TV anyone packing for a trip goes into their closet, pulls out 5 outfits and tosses them into the suitcase, ready to go.  They never have to try anything on or coordinate, and everything is already pressed.  Who does that???

 

When someone is storming out of his/her romantic relationship, that person will angrily open one drawer, grab a bunch of random whatever and throw it into a suitcase. I realize it's not cinematic to select needed clothing and toiletries from the closet, bathroom, and several drawers, but I always wonder what the person is going too do when they arrive at their destination with nothing but, say, 8 pairs of pajamas or 6 sweaters.

 

If packing is unrealistic, so is luggage in general. It's super rare to see anyone on TV carrying a suitcase that isn't obviously empty. The rest of us struggle and huff to pull a full bag out of the car trunk, but TV residents carry their luggage practically by one finger as they walk blithely along the train platform. Props departments can't even be bothered to put some contents into rolling cases.

[SVNBob]

Props departments can't even be bothered to put some contents into rolling cases.

Unless, of course, the case has a Plot-Sensitive Latch.  Then the case is full (often overfull), usually with something embarrassing (for a comedy) or illegal (for dramas), and will burst open at the most inconvenient time for the person handling the case.  Might also be a point in a meet-cute in rom-coms.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Props departments can't even be bothered to put some contents into rolling cases.

 

They also can't be bothered to put something like water in those cups people pretend to drink from, the ones that are so clearly empty. I can understand not actually putting coffee or soda in the cup, since that would get cold or even go flat depending on how many takes they have to do, but why not water?

[zxy556575]

Unless, of course, the case has a Plot-Sensitive Latch.

 

Ha! Also true.

 

My case didn't spring open but I was embarrassed once when I was returning to the States after living overseas. I did one last sweep of the house before leaving for the airport to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything and, aha, the nightstand drawer. I dumped the contents into my carry-on cosmetics case and it wasn't until I got to customs and the officer opened it and blanched that I realized my error.

 

The top layer was nothing but birth control, condoms, foam, sponges, diaphragm in its case, and sex toys. My life isn't a romcom so I didn't end up marrying the customs agent, but he did slam the lid down mighty quick without even the pretense of a search. So tip I guess for potential smugglers.

 

Also, when I first moved there, the agent was going through my suitcase and pulled out a piece of clothing that dislodged a box of 40 OB tampons nestled therein, which opened and spilled all over the counter and floor. I didn't exactly feel like scrambling around everyone's feet in line behind me to play tampon pickup sticks, but it seemed like it would be littering to just leave them.

 

That place probably has a picture of me in the customs agent lunchroom.

[MaryMitch]

I think it's realistic that once you're okay, some of your friends will, indeed, make jokes about you being shot in the ass.  But (heh), yeah, for it to always be a simple injury on TV is quite misleading; I was just watching a medical documentary tonight containing discussion of how dangerous a place that is to be shot, given the serious, including life-threatening, damage that can be done depending on the bullet's trajectory.

 

On "Everybody Loves Raymond", Robert got gored by a bull in the butt. Everybody was making fun of him and how he was milking sympathy until Raymond had to change the bandage and saw the wound. There was a nice moment of realization of how bad the injury was, and Raymond - for a change - showed some compassion.

[DeLurker]

When someone is storming out of his/her romantic relationship, that person will angrily open one drawer, grab a bunch of random whatever and throw it into a suitcase. I realize it's not cinematic to select needed clothing and toiletries from the closet, bathroom, and several drawers, but I always wonder what the person is going too do when they arrive at their destination with nothing but, say, 8 pairs of pajamas or 6 sweaters.

 

If a man is getting kicked out of the house or apartment due to raising the woman's wrath, he will come home and find his stuff has been tossed out the window on the front lawn.  The bedroom will always be located on an upper floor facing the street and there never is a pesky screen that needs to be removed prior to her hurling stuff out the window.

 

I was very disappointed when I kicked out my ex - my house was one story, but did have a loft and the loft window faced the driveway on the side of the house thereby denying me the satisfaction of littering my front lawn with his wardrobe (and our neighbors the opportunity to witness my rage).  Instead, I had to place it into laundry baskets and turned it over to his father.

[ganesh]

I've used a rolling bag once in my life. I find it way to cumbersome to move through a crowd dragging that thing around and it always flops around. There's a significant minority that don't. There's a lot of high end back packs made for travel. I have an x-large north face messenger bag. That thing could repel a nuclear blast. You never really see alternative bags on tv.

[ABay]

I have 3 roller bags, the newest one fits international size standards and is incredibly light. The other 2 aren't much bigger but still larger than the ifly guidelines and one is heavy even when empty. Anything you can't fit in a small carry-on, you can buy when you get where you're going.

[meep.meep]

I've yet to meet anyone who can do this IRL, but on TV anyone packing for a trip goes into their closet, pulls out 5 outfits and tosses them into the suitcase, ready to go.  They never have to try anything on or coordinate, and everything is already pressed.  Who does that???

 

More than that, they never have to do a load of laundry so that they will have enough clean underwear!

 

Getting shot in the butt - in the book that Band of Brothers dramatized, it said that was the body part that more of the men were wounded in than any other.  Presumably from all the crawling along the ground they did.

[ganesh]

I'm just morally opposed to the roller bags now because if you get on the plane in the second half, there's probably not going to be any room for my own considerably smaller bag in the overhead. There's no way people need to carry that much stuff. And I've never had that issue on any international flight. 

[Quof]

 

There's no way people need to carry that much stuff. And I've never had that issue on any international flight

I carry everything I need for a trip of any duration in one carry-on bag, including international.  And it has wheels. I never check luggage.  So yeah, my bag takes up my allocated space in the overhead bin.  I double check that it meets the airline's size and weight restrictions, I don't ask anyone to help me lift it, and I never hit anyone in the head with it when I lift it up or down.  And I put it in wheels first, as you are supposed to, not sideways. #sorrynotsorry

[kili]

They never have to try anything on or coordinate, and everything is already pressed.  Who does that???

 

Me. I just bring clothes on trip that I wear, so I know they fit and what they coordinate with. If something needs pressing, it gets put away pressed and refreshed as necessary at the hotel. I travel a fair bit for work, so packing is a snap.

 

On the contrary, I think it is an OnlyOnTV thing when they are desperately trying on all their clothes trying to find what to pack or wear. Don't they know what they own? Did they break into somebody's house and are trying to find something in their wardrobe to steal? Do they need to be featured on Hoarders to get rid of the clothes they don't even know they own? They've known about the date for a week and NOW they are trying to figure out what to wear? Do they need to bring everything they own on a trip?

 

 I think this may end up being like the car radio thing (why, yes I do leave it on when I shut off the car) or whether or not you take off your shoes when you come in the house.

Edited January 8, 2016 by kili

[ganesh]

I just installed primo maple hardwood floors in my house. You walk on that with shoes, you won't have any feet left. 

 

I'm talking statistically. If most people have oversized bags, clearly, then some are going to be legit. The gate agents are *nearly always* asking people to volunteer to check their bags when the flight is full, so I would infer that most bags are oversized. I don't think it's #CarRadioCrazy to suggest that most people take more than they need when they travel. 

Edited January 8, 2016 by ganesh

[andromeda331]

On the contrary, I think it is an OnlyOnTV thing when they are desperately trying on all their clothes trying to find what to pack or wear. Don't they know what they own?

Also when they learn they have to go to some ritzy event or party or something, usually the woman who is searching

her closet to find something to wear and usually finds nothing or a bunch of really ugly dresses. Wouldn't she

upon hearing she has to go know that she has nothing to wear and stop off or run out to a store to buy something?  

[zxy556575]

Maybe people actually do this in their real lives but I've only seen it on TV.

 

Someone is making a phone call, typically to a spouse. Ring, ring: "Hi, it's me."

 

Either you're calling someone who recognizes your voice or you aren't. What the hell does "it's me" tell them? It makes even less sense nowadays with ubiquitous caller ID.

[MaryMitch]

Maybe people actually do this in their real lives but I've only seen it on TV.

 

Someone is making a phone call, typically to a spouse. Ring, ring: "Hi, it's me."

 

Either you're calling someone who recognizes your voice or you aren't. What the hell does "it's me" tell them? It makes even less sense nowadays with ubiquitous caller ID

 

With Caller ID it's usually unnecessary to identify yourself, but I guess you gotta say something. A couple of my sisters always say "what are you doing?" when I answer the phone, which has always annoyed me. The other day I asked one "why do you always ask me that?" and she said "that's what you say!" 

Edited January 12, 2016 by MaryMitch