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S05.E11: The D Pic


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7 hours ago, ScoobieDoobs said:

Wait, what?  What kind of surgery do ya think Pete had?  Jax-alike nose job?  Scheana preventative Botoxing?

I'm not sure, but Peter's face looks different now... I cannot believe a different hair style could make it look so different.

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11 hours ago, ivygirl said:

Maybe he won't sign an NDA...

Ha ha! He IS noticeable quieter this season.  I wonder if he is still dating the single mom?  She seemed like she was a good influence on him.

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So Brittany's mom is Magda, Cameron Diaz's neighbor in There's Something About Mary? 

omg!  Hammer? Meet "The Nail."  You totally pegged it.  She looked like a brunette Magda! 

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21 hours ago, zoeysmom said:

Lala did tweet that James wasn't with her at Coachella.  She also tweeted, "apparently keeping a relationship private is worse than sleeping with Stassi's boyfriend."   

I'm with Lala on this one. I will never understand it, either. Or sleeping with a pregnant married woman's husband (Scheana). 

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20 minutes ago, bichonblitz said:

I'm with Lala on this one. I will never understand it, either. Or sleeping with a pregnant married woman's husband (Scheana). 

I definitely agree that what Lala does is her business (and she fascinates me a little;  I'd watch a reality show of her ACTUAL reality...)

but is it not horrifically annoying when someone's all, "look at me, I am *so* fascinating and I have SO MANY SECRETS and you CAN'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE!!!"

like, if they're secrets, just shhh about them!!!

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I have a soft spot for Kristen and her special brand of crazy too.   I am sorry to report that she was not great in the sketch comedy.   KRIST-UN!  I wanted you to be great.  KRIST-UN.  (imaging this yelled by Tom Sandoval at the top of his lungs while crying).   

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7 minutes ago, SuzWhat said:

I have a soft spot for Kristen and her special brand of crazy too.   I am sorry to report that she was not great in the sketch comedy.   KRIST-UN!  I wanted you to be great.  KRIST-UN.  (imaging this yelled by Tom Sandoval at the top of his lungs while crying).   

How could that be when she never studies?  Someone wrote a script and stunt-casted her.  Performers study and work; they don't talk about their cushy LA lifestyles.

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21 hours ago, WhosThatGirl said:

I'll sit in my own little boat by myself still thinking  Araina is still as annoying even this season as ever. 

I'm not a huge fan of hers,  but I can still like what she did.  I have a SIL that makes a big deal out of everything.  I might just start telling her I don't give a fuck.  It shut Stassi up,  and that is not easy.  

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21 hours ago, RHJunkie said:

While it would have been nice for Kristen to give Brittany a heads up, I don't think it's a big deal. No one in that audience knew (which by the way, only Kristen's crowd seemed to be laughing during the skits from what it looks like), and the picture is already on the internet.

I tend to agree, but did anyone else side eye Kristen when she claimed it was difficult to Google a dick pic? I'm not going to try and prove her wrong, but.....

5 hours ago, teapot said:

I definitely agree that what Lala does is her business (and she fascinates me a little;  I'd watch a reality show of her ACTUAL reality...)

but is it not horrifically annoying when someone's all, "look at me, I am *so* fascinating and I have SO MANY SECRETS and you CAN'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE!!!"

That's my issue with Lala. I think she WANTS everyone guessing who her rich, married BF is. She tries to be all coy and mysterious. Hey, as long as she's getting attention, she doesn't care what it's for. 

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1 hour ago, ghoulina said:

 

That's my issue with Lala. I think she WANTS everyone guessing who her rich, married BF is. She tries to be all coy and mysterious. Hey, as long as she's getting attention, she doesn't care what it's for. 

She totally does - when she was talking to James about the private jet situation, why not just say "It's a big group and someone in the group is getting it paid for" or something equally simple? She wants people to know she's got a loaded boyfriend who spoils her. She wants to show it off.  It's the curse of being the mistress. 

I also think they wouldn't have given a shit about what she's doing privately if she wasn't so awful to Katie. 

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I loved how LVP lightly lowered the boom on Lala.  Can't keep up the bullshit and expect others to invest in you.  I don't think she is an escort or hooker but I do think she likes living life in the fast lane.  She is a little base for my taste, bit damn she is in a sea of bottom feeders, with Stassi leading the pack.

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2 hours ago, ghoulina said:

I tend to agree, but did anyone else side eye Kristen when she claimed it was difficult to Google a dick pic? I'm not going to try and prove her wrong, but.....

That's my issue with Lala. I think she WANTS everyone guessing who her rich, married BF is. She tries to be all coy and mysterious. Hey, as long as she's getting attention, she doesn't care what it's for. 

Yeah that didn't sound believable...and we've all seen Kristen's investigative skills in the past so there's no way I believe that this particular task would be any trouble at all, lol. 

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2 minutes ago, RHJunkie said:

Yeah that didn't sound believable...and we've all seen Kristen's investigative skills in the past so there's no way I believe that this particular task would be any trouble at all, lol. 

Her personal collection alone must be vast.

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I was shocked when KATIE was the first one to recognize Jax's D pic. I thought it was another group-incestuous cheating scandal(!), but then we find out that everyone saw this picture. Yet, she must have studied this D pic with great intensity to be able to immediately identify it from a good 15 feet away. I've been married for a decade, and I wouldn't be able to pick out my husband's D in a lineup. Unless Jax has some really distinctive markings or deformities, would it be THAT recognizable? Funny that the only person who didn't recognize it was Stassi, who would have had the most cumulative Jax D viewing time out of the bunch. I did laugh hysterically Stassi acting out how different could they possibly look: lurch a little to the right, lurch a little to the left, crumple down a bit.

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On 1/16/2017 at 7:08 PM, Sai said:

Lisa looked great in the opening scene with the gray sweater and her hair looked good also.

I came here to say the same thing! Lisa brought it this episode. She looked amazing in that cashmere sweatshirt. The casual look always suits her better. And then I loved when she joked (I think?) about feeling left out of the dick pic era. 

Lala is living in a bubble. I can't believe she thinks private jets are like a rite of passage for young hot girls in LA, especially with this group. They're only hooking up with bartenders (read: out of work models). None of them are getting flown around on private jets. Even an RV was a stretch for FI.

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10 hours ago, zenme said:

I think Katie recognized the pic because the group had already determined the ding dong belonged to Jax. Apparently, Schwartz identified Jax's shoes as the giveaway

Were his shoes visible in the pic Kristen used, though? I know they were in the original one he sent, which is how everyone knew it was his. But when she cut and pasted them onto pictures, did she leave the shoes in? It was hard to tell with the pixelation, and it's not like I was trying to look that hard, but I didn't notice any shoes in it. 

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On ‎1‎/‎16‎/‎2017 at 10:08 PM, Sai said:

Lisa looked great in the opening scene with the gray sweater and her hair looked good also.

Echoing everyone else's agreement - she looked much softer and less severe. The colors/fabrics she normally wears seem to emphasize her facial work in an unflattering way. Less is more, Lisa!

On ‎1‎/‎16‎/‎2017 at 10:18 PM, chick binewski said:

I was pleased Peter's hair seems to be settling. Less so to realize that's him making out with Stassi in the previews.

What happened to his single mom girlfriend? Sarah, maybe?

On ‎1‎/‎17‎/‎2017 at 0:15 PM, bichonblitz said:

Ok, just shoot me now. I am loving sober James. He wasn't having any of LaLa's bullshit when she was at his apartment and when he met with Kristen and Stassi, he told them what he had to and got the hell out of there. Loved it! 

I couldn't take my eyes off Brittney's moms lipstick. Frosted white lips. I so remember that from 1970. Back in the day, with blue eyeshadow and thick black eyeliner. 

I so much prefer High as Fuck James, especially his ice cream obsession.

I wondered if Mrs. Cartwright is still using the same frosted lipstick she bought in the '80s, because I sure as hell haven't seen any in stores in the last 25 years.

17 hours ago, ghoulina said:

I tend to agree, but did anyone else side eye Kristen when she claimed it was difficult to Google a dick pic? I'm not going to try and prove her wrong, but.....

I think that was Kristen's attempt at a "joke," which failed miserably. I write/perform sketch comedy (but don't take it half as seriously as Ariana), and Kristen needs to stick to her day job, which is....designing T-shirts? That sketch was some rough stuff.

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16 hours ago, zoeysmom said:

I loved how LVP lightly lowered the boom on Lala.  Can't keep up the bullshit and expect others to invest in you.  I don't think she is an escort or hooker but I do think she likes living life in the fast lane.  She is a little base for my taste, bit damn she is in a sea of bottom feeders, with Stassi leading the pack.

ITA about Lala not being a hooker.  But since she started on the show, she's been proudly (and always in an Ari-like superior & I'm-so-cool way) giving off vibes of living the high-class LA hooker life, comprised of regular private jet trips to European luxury outings on giganto yachts.  

It's like she was hinting she was one of those supposed models Leo hangs with on yachts.  Are those girls models or hanger-on/groupie-types or are they outright hookers?

To me, Lala seems like a rather cheap tacky opportunist.  Good fit with the chucklefucks?  Maybe not, but it's easy to see why the chucklefucks are so irritated by her.  She's managed to get stuff they still can't afford -- even with their increased Bravo paychecks.

Edited by ScoobieDoobs
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 I did like that Arianna shut Stassi down! Of course she is gonna cry and moan about it, despite the awful things she has said. Plus, a wedding shower is no place for a confrontation.

I used to feel sorry for Lala, as well, but her yelling at James for alcohol was not cool. Maybe he will actually redeem himself by the end of the season. Plus, the whole I can't talk about my bf is annoying. There is no shame in gold digging!

Does Peter actually work at Sur full time? 

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I'm now picturing Lala as the primary on a future episode of Below Deck. She has a mystery funder and is accompanied by a bunch of LA Insta stars (not ugly and with boobs, of course). Bring back Danny and Bobby, and it'll be a legendary episode.

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On 1/16/2017 at 8:08 PM, Sai said:

Lisa looked great in the opening scene with the gray sweater and her hair looked good also.

Seriously! She looks fabulous dolled up, but also so great when she's casual.

In other news, Stassi and Brittany's relationship has become one of my favorite things about the show. I have a huge soft spot for Stassi, and I think Brittany really brings out her best. She seems protective of Brittany and it's not easy to hang out with an ex and the new person, but never gives off a flirty vibe to Jax, just kindness to Brittany. It's nice.

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On 1/16/2017 at 11:15 PM, Jextella said:

Tom Scwartz is from Woodbury, MN which is a nicer suburb of the Twin Cities....and fairly close to the Mall of America and airport.

I hope we find out who it is!

If so, I live about 10 or 15 miles from Woodbury, over the border in Wisconsin.

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1 hour ago, b2H said:

If so, I live about 10 or 15 miles from Woodbury, over the border in Wisconsin.

Well, I'm 99.9 % he's from Woodbury so you are neighbors.  I'm in Maple Grove.  An hour away.

52 minutes ago, ScoobieDoobs said:

I keep looking at Muppet James & ask myself-- is this guy really beautiful?  Or is he just a dweeb & a weenie?  Uh, I ALWAYS come up with the same answer.  Dweeb & weenie.

I think some look better in print than in person.   James, Jax, FI Tom, and Kristen are all pretty on paper (for my tastes).

Edited by Jextella
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I tend to agree, but did anyone else side eye Kristen when she claimed it was difficult to Google a dick pic? I'm not going to try and prove her wrong, but.....[/quote]

OMG. That is like saying you were searching for Internet porn and not getting any hits. I love Kristen but she's full of shit here. Dicks are everywhere. Craigslist's entire personal section is guys posting their dicks. Snapchat is full of dicks. At the very least you could screenshot a nude man and crop it so just his dick showed. I don't even look for dicks and I can't get away from them! 

Edited by The Mighty Peanut
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6 hours ago, bichonblitz said:

The ice cream obsession comes from the sober James, not High as Fuck James. He has replaced booze with ice cream! 

True, but maybe it's a bit of the munchies, too!

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i will give Stassi this, Arianna is a really bad liar. That girl has a thousand tells. I remember thinking the same thing when she was claiming that she and Tom never hooked up. The first time she said it I thought "she's acting sketchy as hell, but maybe?" The second time it was "Oh, they fucked." Maybe that's why I can't get behind her "I don't give a fuck about you" speech to Stassi. I don't believe her. I think she does in fact give many fucks about Stassi, the Coven, staying on the show, etc. it's all deflection so she doesn't have to talk about the NDR. She did the same thing every time Kristen pressed her on the Tom Vegas thing. Called Kristen names and pretended to be so above the conversation. Arianna is just shady as all get out and rubs me the wrong way.

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On 1/19/2017 at 10:15 AM, ScoobieDoobs said:

ITA about Lala not being a hooker.  But since she started on the show, she's been proudly (and always in an Ari-like superior & I'm-so-cool way) giving off vibes of living the high-class LA hooker life, comprised of regular private jet trips to European luxury outings on giganto yachts.  

It's like she was hinting she was one of those supposed models Leo hangs with on yachts.  Are those girls models or hanger-on/groupie-types or are they outright hookers?

To me, Lala seems like a rather cheap tacky opportunist.  Good fit with the chucklefucks?  Maybe not, but it's easy to see why the chucklefucks are so irritated by her.  She's managed to get stuff they still can't afford -- even with their increased Bravo paychecks.

It's clear that TPTB are trying to set up Vanderpump Rules: The Next Generation with Lala and James. Lala is too calculating to fit in. To authentically fit in this cast, you need to be a combination of delusional, drunk, and messy. Lala is willing to be messy, but she's rarely drunk enough and she's not delusional. She knows exactly what she's got working for her. It's part the reason that she never really gave any of the guys the time of day. Why waste your time hooking up with one of the SURvers when there are professional football players and movie producers that are willing to shower her in gifts.

It's funny because Lauren from last season who banged James would have been a good addition. Laura Leigh was fantastic. Vail was a bad addition. Lala was a bad addition. Brittany has been a great addition. The producers talk about how there is this whole group of people who work at Villa Blanca, SUR, and Pump who are super interesting and would make great TV, but have no interest in being filmed.

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I don't know why Brittany cares that Jax's ding dong was THE ding dong in the pic. Who cares? I sure no one other than the VPRers knew it was Jax. I'm sure it's not tattooed with the words "Property of Brittany Cartwright" on it.

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I don't know why Brittany cares that Jax's ding dong was THE ding dong in the pic. Who cares? I sure no one other than the VPRers knew it was Jax. I'm sure it's not tattooed with the words "Property of Brittany Cartwright" on it.

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For people who were asking about Peter's girlfriend, he said on the recent episode of the Pumped podcast he was on that he is single now. He does work at Sur for realzies but he also produces short films and maybe longer ones too, he talked about that some but I was only partly listening to that part of the podcast.

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23 hours ago, zenme said:

I don't know why Brittany cares that Jax's ding dong was THE ding dong in the pic. Who cares? I sure no one other than the VPRers knew it was Jax. I'm sure it's not tattooed with the words "Property of Brittany Cartwright" on it.

In their friend group, Jax has already jaxxed Stassi, Kristen, and Rachel. All of the dudes have seen his dick in person. He has certainly sent dick pics dozens of times to many women. I kind of get Brittany's irritation with them using Jax's dick pic, but that's really only valid if she's dating a normal guy. Brittany should be irritated and embarrassed that she's dating Jax, a moron who sent a dick pic to a girl that he would piss off enough that she would tweet the pic. The only person who should be embarrassed by the pic is Jax.

1 hour ago, Rebecca said:

For people who were asking about Peter's girlfriend, he said on the recent episode of the Pumped podcast he was on that he is single now. He does work at Sur for realzies but he also produces short films and maybe longer ones too, he talked about that some but I was only partly listening to that part of the podcast.

I don't think we've heard about Peter's directing or producing since season 1. It seems like it's mostly shorts. I think his shorter hair indicates that he's finally accepted that being a Sur manager is his likely occupation for the foreseeable future.

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33 minutes ago, HunterHunted said:

In their friend group, Jax has already jaxxed Stassi, Kristen, and Rachel. All of the dudes have seen his dick in person. He has certainly sent dick pics dozens of times to many women. I kind of get Brittany's irritation with them using Jax's dick pic, but that's really only valid if she's dating a normal guy. Brittany should be irritated and embarrassed that she's dating Jax, a moron who sent a dick pic to a girl that he would piss off enough that she would tweet the pic. The only person who should be embarrassed by the pic is Jax.

I don't think we've heard about Peter's directing or producing since season 1. It seems like it's mostly shorts. I think his shorter hair indicates that he's finally accepted that being a Sur manager is his likely occupation for the foreseeable future.

Totally agree about the Jax stuff!

Peter talked about the film work and such for awhile on the podcast, he has stuff in the works and it sounds fairly legit. He was talking about doing casting and things. Sandoval is in at least one of his films so you know it's great... ?

Peter also had a big long explanation for the haircut, basically he wanted to cut it for a long time but it was his "thing" and how he felt he differentiated himself from the other guys on the show so he kept it long and then finally decided. I don't really care about Peter as much as it appears by these posts; I just listened to his podcast ep last night. Anyone who likes Peter might want to listen. I think he's a dork and that podcast confirmed it. Haha! 

Edited by Rebecca
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4 minutes ago, Rebecca said:

He talked about the film stuff for awhile, he has stuff in the works and it sounds fairly legit.

I didn't mean to imply that it isn't legit. However, the single smartest thing Jax, Scheana, Schwartz, and Stassi have ever done is give up on their dreams. That sounds terrible, but finally accepting that they will never be successful models, singers, or actors has helped them immensely. Stassi has her podcast. Jax really works the bar and party appearance scene and it looks like he and Brittany might be getting a spin-off. Sandoval spent tens of thousands of dollars on that Charles McMansion video and it doesn't even have 300K views. Peter might really like directing and producing, but there is a decent chance that he's throwing his money away.

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30 minutes ago, HunterHunted said:

I didn't mean to imply that it isn't legit. However, the single smartest thing Jax, Scheana, Schwartz, and Stassi have ever done is give up on their dreams. That sounds terrible, but finally accepting that they will never be successful models, singers, or actors has helped them immensely. Stassi has her podcast. Jax really works the bar and party appearance scene and it looks like he and Brittany might be getting a spin-off. Sandoval spent tens of thousands of dollars on that Charles McMansion video and it doesn't even have 300K views. Peter might really like directing and producing, but there is a decent chance that he's throwing his money away.

Oh, for sure I agree. I'm not sure Scheana actually got the memo though and has given up.. But I  just meant his producer career? is more legit than say, Jax's chunky sweater line that never was. Lol. Plus, Sandoval can't act for shit and he's in at least one of the films so lol.

Edited by Rebecca
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29 minutes ago, Rebecca said:

Oh, for sure I agree. I'm not sure Scheana actually got the memo though and has given up.. But I  just meant his producer career? is more legit than say, Jax's chunky sweater line that never was. Lol. Plus, Sandoval can't act for shit and he's in at least one of the films so lol.

Right? At least Peter could ostensibly get work on a variety of projects as he gains skills; the likelihood of a career breakthrough in a band or as an actor at 30+ is much lower...

As for fashion? They need to ask Sonja Morgan or Adrienne Maloof how that usually works out ;)

I could see Sandoval as a salesperson. Without the albatross of Schwartz he'd probably rep pretty well.

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27 minutes ago, ivygirl said:

Right? At least Peter could ostensibly get work on a variety of projects as he gains skills; the likelihood of a career breakthrough in a band or as an actor at 30+ is much lower...

As for fashion? They need to ask Sonja Morgan or Adrienne Maloof how that usually works out ;)

I could see Sandoval as a salesperson. Without the albatross of Schwartz he'd probably rep pretty well.

Prior to this season, I would have said that Sandoval would have made a pretty decent stylist. I don't love how he dresses, but he has a definite sense of style. He could be really effective if he's matched with the right clients. But those white extensions though...indefensible.

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1 hour ago, ivygirl said:

Right? At least Peter could ostensibly get work on a variety of projects as he gains skills; the likelihood of a career breakthrough in a band or as an actor at 30+ is much lower...

As for fashion? They need to ask Sonja Morgan or Adrienne Maloof how that usually works out ;)

I could see Sandoval as a salesperson. Without the albatross of Schwartz he'd probably rep pretty well.

Does Peter have a backstage credit on VPR? I could see him trying to parlay his involvement into a career producing reality shows. I'm actually sure being Assistant Head Babysitter in Charge of Clusterfuck  Waitstaff would teach him many of the skills needed to successfully manage a reality show cast. He always seemed a bit smarter and more likely to see the long term end game then the rest so I could totally see him giving up top billing as a cast member if it meant a behind the camera deal.

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I truly don't mean to shit all over Peter's film dreams. At least he's actually pursuing them and not trying to ride on bar appearances and a VPR check. But I laughed through that entire segment on the podcast. He just sounded so deadly serious, like his film was headed straight to the Oscars. "Guys. Guys. I just got a call from a *major* casting director." LOL. Sorry, Peter. I'm rooting for you. We're all rooting for you. 

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I just saw this episode. 

I don't care who you are or who you're saying it to, somebody telling somebody else they need to go to church is a HUGE pet peeve of mine.  It's basically telling the other person that they must believe the same as they do or they're not good enough.   Same with asking somebody when they're getting married, I hate taht shit.  People need to realize it's 2017 and its ok if people live together without being married.  I have my 28th happily unmarried anniversary on May 15th. We have no plans to get married any time soon, we have a better relationship than any of our married friends.  If anybody had ever asked us when or told us that we have to get married, I'd have told them to eff off. 

Cold, soggy Taco Bell tacos and cold bean burritos is exactly what I would want to eat at a party. Their tacos are bad enough when they're warm but when they're cold they are absolutely disgusting. 

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On 19/01/2017 at 8:00 AM, ghoulina said:

I tend to agree, but did anyone else side eye Kristen when she claimed it was difficult to Google a dick pic? I'm not going to try and prove her wrong, but.....

       Didn't you get the joke though? After she said it was difficult to google a dick pic, the punchline was something like when she did google for dick pics, all she got was pictures of old politicians in navy blue suits. Badum tish!

Stassi imitating the various forms of penises using her body was also a huge laugh for me.

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