S04.E06: For Richer Or Poorer

[Tara Ariano]

Quote

The couples move in together as the honeymoons conclude. Also: Lillian realizes Tom lives in a bus; Sonia has to battle her fear of dogs after finding out Nick has two; and Heather and Derek visit a pastor in hopes of saving their marriage.

[jamblastx]

Tonight on MAFS, Tom continues to give off his Summer's Eve/Ted Bundy/every Lifetime movie boyfriend vibe while Lily soaks it all in but wonders how Tom is into Greyhounds but not dogs.  Nick and Sonia look at each other blankly causing Sonia to erupt into tears while Nick comforts her by reading a Hallmark greeting card his monotone voice.  And with your contractually obligated headliners....special guest Shaggy Two Dope helps Derek write a song for Heather called 'Why Won't You F**k Me, [snip]?' while Heather asks if MAFS will pay for her Match.com membership.   All tonight on FYI!

Disclaimer: The preceding promo may not have actually occurred and may have been created by a bored twisted individual who apologizes if he offended anyone.

[cardigirl]

 Awwww, I want me a Zeus doggie!!!

Edited August 31, 2016 by cardigirl

[Enero]

This show is great for laughs.  It is so fake. You can see the storylines coming from a mile away.

I was LMAO over the "drama" surrounding the bus. Lily need to quit with her statements about the "beauty" of the bus. Please. I don't believe she believes that for one second. LOL. Lily asking Tom to wash his feet off before bed was hilarious. 

Nick is a little too Metro for Sonia. I think she prefers a man's man who doesn't have dogs. As I've said before I think they'll make descent friends, but nothing more. 

Derek's had on that cap and turned backwards for the past 5 days. Does he ever take it off?  At this point, it's annoying. Pastor Calvin is full of sh*t. Heather and Derek have been married for two seconds. They shouldn't be having these types of problems. They should at the very least , like each other, even if it's just as friends, and get along.

[Buggaboo35]

Heather is a bitch.  Yes, Derek was/is needy and mistaken about her flirting with the surfer dude.  But it was ALL about Heather in the session with the therapist.  It was all about how she's exhausted, she's worn out, she's upset.  He's as frustrated as she is, why no asking him what his issues are?

[Kareem]

I need subtitles sometimes for Sonia.  I can't always
understand what she's sing songy squealing about.  :/

Edited August 31, 2016 by Kareem
spelled M'dam's name wrong.

[Kiss my mutt]

Most men's men have dogs (simple generalization on my part) but yeah Nick is way too much of a pretty boy. He's kind of prissy!

[Empress1]

If Sonia disclosed to the experts that she is truly phobic of dogs and they paired her with Nick anyway, that's shitty. I don't like cats or small dogs (the one Lily and Tom have is too small for my taste); I'd be irked if I were matched with someone who had either. I wouldn't expect or want someone to give up his cat or chihuahua (ugh) for me, so we'd be in a rough place from the jump. 

$3200 a month for housing seems like a stretch on Nick & Sonia's combined income. A post-nup makes total sense, and in fact, a pre-nup should be SOP as part of the "experiment." 

Heather & Derek remain done. It's depressing to watch them. 

[Straycat80]

I said this last week already and I'll say it again: Heather and Derek should just quit now. There is nothing there to work on. The pastor was wrong when he talked about commitment, this is not like a real marriage, it's a fakey, reality TV show. 

This is the first time someone has brought up a post-nup (Lily and Tom). I assumed this would already be in their pre-show contract because chances are these so called marriages won't work out. 

The two couples sure moved awful fast into their new 'homes'. Lily and Tom could possibly make it, they seem compatible and like each other.

I'm not so sure about Sonia and Nick. I think she wants to move along and have sex and babies. He seems more into his dogs and just being friends for right now.

[Pfj99]

Since Zeus obviously likes Tom, I guess I have to think more highly of Tom. I give dogs credit for being better judges of character than many humans are.

I do not, however, like the unshaven look at all, dogs' opinions notwithstanding.

Edited August 31, 2016 by Pfj99
Added additional observation.

[Paddywagon]

OMG Derek needs to grow a pair and quit whining!  I swear I'd kick his ass to give him something to cry about.  "Waaaaa, she kicked my ass.  Call me a waaaaambulance!"  I don't like Heather but save it for yo mamma Derek!  Funny his last relationship ended due to her not being able to communicate.  Hmmm, maybe he has a magical way of making people think talking to him is useless.  Maybe because no matter how much people communicate with him he still finds something to WHINE about.

Ok, done ranting, lol.

Tom's sunburn in the opening scene looked painful.  Glad the bus drama is over.

[Enero]

23 minutes ago, Buggaboo35 said:

Heather is a bitch.  Yes, Derek was/is needy and mistaken about her flirting with the surfer dude.  But it was ALL about Heather in the session with the therapist.  It was all about how she's exhausted, she's worn out, she's upset.  He's as frustrated as she is, why no asking him what his issues are?

As it should've been IMHO. Despite what happened on the honeymoon and Derek's comments he's still onboard with whatever this is. Note what he said during the session. He told Heather she should just leave. If he feels like it's over why put it on her? Why don't he leave the marriage? Because he wants to hang in for whatever reason. 

Heather on the other hand is clearly done and ready to walk out the door. Hence the Pastor C appearing to try and help her work through her hang ups more. 

[cardigirl]

30 minutes ago, Enero said:

Pastor Calvin is full of sh*t. Heather and Derek have been married for two seconds. They shouldn't be having these types of problems. They should at the very least , like each other, even if it's just as friends, and get along.

Pastor Calvin is one of the best things about this new season . I love him.  

[shouldbedancing]

I feel bad for Sonia. She wants so badly for this to work, mainly because she just wants to skip to the babies. But it doesn't seem like it's going to work out. The hating dogs is a huge issue, really. She wants Nick to make all the first moves and jump her bones but it's not going to happen.

[zxy556575]

On 8/30/2016 at 10:13 PM, Empress1 said:

If Sonia disclosed to the experts that she is truly phobic of dogs and they paired her with Nick anyway, that's shitty.

Has Sonia ever explained to Nick that it's a phobia? It's not just "I don't like." Phobias aren't reasonable (mine is bugs, which clearly makes no sense). Phobias can certainly be overcome but from what we've seen, I don't think Nick gets it at all. I've watched enough episodes of It's Me or the Dog to know that pets can be relationship breakers. Sonia's already insecure (with good reason, IMO) about Nick's feelings for her and this doesn't help.

I was surprised that Tom was the one who brought up the financial contract/post-nup. On one hand, it's a reasonable thing to do, but on the other, not so much in line with BEING SO UNMATERIALISTIC, TOM.

Easy for me to say since I'm not a producer feverishly scrambling to find willing and suitable candidates for this dumb show, but I think having $40K of credit card debt should disqualify someone.

I felt for Heather because I'm exhausted by her marriage, too.

Edited September 3, 2016 by lordonia

[ExplainItAgain]

Great, now we can spend all this time waiting for Heather's decision and they can tease it incessantly like they did with the bus. We all know it's over and there's no way to salvage it now.

Nick and Sonia are just so awkward. I'm not even sure if they have 1 personality between them.

[jamblastx]

Tom Kramden/ Lily (whatever reference to the bible I want to make about Jesus washing the feet of the poor but I am way too tired to remember and/or look it up so I would rather give her this loooong drawn out nickname) - So the bus was a non-issue...what a non-shock.  Dude, you knew that there was no chance that she would ever live there, so why make it this big issue of telling her if you knew you were probably going to move out anyway?  And as someone said earlier, how is a pre-nup not part of signing up for the show?  I love how he is the one who is demanding it and she is clearly taken aback but he then gives her that scruffy Svengali look that apparently melts her and then she agrees to it almost robotically.  Oh and you two, marriage does NOT mean that you have to punctuate every sentence with a smooch or a high five.

Sonia? 'Welcome to our new house?'/ Nick the facial rock - How could they match someone who doesn't like dogs with someone who owns two fairly large dogs?  And Sonia, Nick is not 'weird' for kissing his dogs...most dog owners do and owning a dog is not as rare as owning an Okapi (my favorite zoo animal...look it up, they are ridiculous).  And yeah....I was on the fence if he was really taking it slow or he just wasn't that attracted to her and umm.....yeah he is not attracted.  And if this show was a nature documentary, when she is leaning over to shut the light off and has her butt in the air practically in her face, the narrator would have stated 'The female human is presenting her self to mate with the male'....but goodnight.

Heather/Derek - I cannot even give them nicknames as they were barely on the show and yeah...I needed a break from the two of them as well.  For everyone who has loved this Pastor, wow....I could not have liked him less.  Heather who is not faultless at all did seem like a truly fragile person who was beyond her breaking point, and this tool is berating her to make a decision....now!  And giving her a sermon about marriage and working at it as if these two had a TRUE history and not a bullshit one of one week.  And Derek....why would she want to be with you?  Maybe she checked out early after two days but I think that most women would have given you only one extra day before wanting to run away.  And marriage isn't a reason and a means for you to grow and improve yourself....if you do feel that need that you need work, see a shrink or see a pastor beforehand.  And if you do want it to work, maybe not say 'I would be willing to try but only if she is'....or 'just leave!'....grow the fuck up and grow a pair of balls.

[Paddywagon]

What a fail counseling session.  Did Derek ever once ask what he can do to help the situation?  Nope.  He told her to just leave.  (Oh, good way to promote communication asshole.). He told her she quit after 2 days.  (Of course he played no part in that.) He just kept on and on and I'm glad he was asked to leave the counseling session so there could be an adult conversation.  She was actually opening up once Derek was out of the room.  I wish she would've gotten her bitch on and told him to STFU.

He 

doesn't

Ever 

Stop!

And then he says he's committed to the marriage.  He's got all the right lines but his actions are childish.  Dude, walk the talk and quit your whining.

No wonder Heather feels she's not with a grown man.  She should take her mean self and run like hell.

Edited August 31, 2016 by Paddywagon

[LennieBriscoe]

Well, I'll be hornswoggled! Tom moved out of his bus! But I thought the blindsidedness of the "post-nuptial agreement" was lousy. Are they going to label their food in the refrigerator, too? With Tom, and I include his dirty feet that he was about to take to bed, I have the feeling he's been called "cute" or "handsome" his entire life, and thinks that is all he needs to bring to the table.

Sonia is "deathly afraid" of dogs, so she was matched with a guy with TWO dogs (one looked like a pit-bull). And the dogs' "kisses" were very off-putting, as Sonia noted about her then kissing Nick afterwards. Sad, though, as Nick is not attracted to Sonia "in that way."

I wonder why Heather didn't mention Derek's smoking to Pastor Calvin. I also wonder why Derek insists on the hat; he has nice hair!

[Zanne505]

I'm sad. I don't see any one of these couples making it. 

The most hopeful couple, bus guy and lily are moving into a prefurnished apartment.  I don't know why anyone would do that unless they had no plans to stay.  And mr not materialistic is the first one to ask for postnup?

I really think the couples need to live together FOR REAL for this to ever have a chance to work. I imagine most of these people go back to their own places most nights anyway when the cameras aren't there.

I hope I'm wrong.  I hope someone makes it.

[zxy556575]

I thought Sonia looked really cute in the scenes at their new house when she had her hair pulled back in a high ponytail. I like her despite her annoying voice and pocketful of insecurities. As usual with people I think were badly matched on this show, I hope some big-hearted, responsible guy, preferably Latino, sees her on the show and gets in touch.

[Snarklepuss]

I think the board was right that the entire bus thing was a non-issue made into one by production.  I don't think Tom ever had any hopes or expectations of Lily living in it.  He probably has an apartment somewhere and uses the bus as a vacation/beach home.  The way she acted so on board with it felt fake, like she was told to do that even though it wasn't "for real".

Yes to "Pastor" Calvin not asking Derek what he was going to do to help the situation.  Meanwhile Derek sits there with childish posture like a lump on a log but never gets put in the hot seat.  He spews a good line like he's all in but he's not backing it up with anything, and his body language gives him away as not giving a shit.  He's just using the situation to make himself look like the victim and Heather the bad guy.

When Nick said he had never had a close relationship with a woman I wonder if he knew how that sounded, especially when he wears face cream and does interior decorating.  Sonia should not be wondering at this point if he finds her attractive.  It should be abundantly obvious by now, I don't care how quiet and shy he is with women.  A woman can tell these things.  The fact that she can't leads me to believe he's not into her and might not even be into women at all.

[Stillhoping]

Bus was pretty much a non issue as we thought...the debt post nup etc...I do like both Lily and Tom but I can see he might want to protect himself if she has a lot of debt. Being into a simple lifestyle can also mean not taking on debt and being cautious.                            Nicks dogs are great but why would the so called experts match him with dog phobic Sonia? Whyyy? 

I would have checked out on Derek. Interesting this season that the experts ..Pepper? Gushed that both Nick and Tom are great earners...financially stable...which has not usually been seen on this except for David. They never said that about David. "Account Executive " can mean working in a cell phone store or as a telemarketer haha. I thought Derek was sorta cute at the start but his lousy personality is a real turnoff

[Madding crowd]

I really wonder what factors made the experts choose these couples because I just can't see a match. Tom needs a fellow surfer buddy, maybe a free spirit type who owns one set of clothes. Lily seems pretty adaptable, but maybe a nice guy who is starting out in a good career and wants to live in a normal size apartment. I have no idea what type of woman Nick finds attractive so I have nothing for him, but Sonia seems so pleasant, and I would match her with a guy who enjoys helping out in the community and likes cute, curvy women. We are really left in the dark as to what is going on with Heather and Derek but for what it's worth, I find Derek just as unpleasant, if not more so than Heather. He has made remarks about her age, her looks, her drinking, her attitude. Heather has complained about how she feels about everything but has still not stooped as low as Derek IMO. 

[Jack Sampson]

Nick's not into Sonia at all and I can't blame him.  Not only do I find her chubby and unattractive, but her personality is exhausting.  And of course Nick kisses his dogs, every guy I know kisses his dogs.  People come up to my fence to kiss my husky, they do it on the sidewalk when we go for a walk - 2 did tonight! 

Heather hasn't lifted a finger to help her marriage, nor has she shown even a hint of commitment.  Derek's trying at least, but he's not longsuffering David, he's pissed and wants her to just admit that it's over and she never even tried.

Tom and Lily won't make it.  I'd get blasted if I told my reasoning but I think a few men watching the show picked up on it.

[Enero]

25 minutes ago, Snarklepuss said:

When Nick said he had never had a close relationship with a woman I wonder if he knew how that sounded, especially when he wears face cream and does interior decorating.  Sonia should not be wondering at this point if he finds her attractive.  It should be abundantly obvious by now, I don't care how quiet and shy he is with women.  A woman can tell these things.  The fact that she can't leads me to believe he's not into her and might not even be into women at all.

To be fair Nick said he'd never had a female friend. I take that to mean any woman he's known has been a girlfriend and not necessarily a friend, if that makes sense. 

Sonia is gorgeous, love when she has her hair straight or in a ponytail. I agree though, Nick is not interested in her at.all. He doesn't have to jump her bones but provide some indication that he finds her sexuality attractive. He says the words in his confessional but the words don't match his actions. If he showed Sonia even the tiniest of the affection he showed his dogs that would be proof that there was romantic interest there on his part, but nada.

I'd also argue that Sonia is not into him either. I think she likes him as a friend and saying what she needs to say in the confessional, but her body language does not indicate a romantic interest in him. She says the words, but I think she's just as lukewarm about him as he is about her. 

Regarding men kissing their dogs, that is NOT universal, nor is every man owning a dog. I know plenty of guys who don't own dogs and those that do who don't allow them anywhere near their face. 

Edited August 31, 2016 by Enero

[Paddywagon]

Loved the minidress Lilly wore house hunting.  The beige heels were perfect.  If she had worn colored heels it would've been ott so the beige was in good taste.  If her career as a realtor hits the skids she could easily be a stylist.

[CindyK]

14 minutes ago, Jack Sampson said:

Nick's not into Sonia at all and I can't blame him.  Not only do I find her chubby and unattractive, but her personality is exhausting.  And of course Nick kisses his dogs, every guy I know kisses his dogs.  People come up to my fence to kiss my husky, they do it on the sidewalk when we go for a walk - 2 did tonight! 

Heather hasn't lifted a finger to help her marriage, nor has she shown even a hint of commitment.  Derek's trying at least, but he's not longsuffering David, he's pissed and wants her to just admit that it's over and she never even tried.

Tom and Lily won't make it.  I'd get blasted if I told my reasoning but I think a few men watching the show picked up on it.

You don't usually hold back so it must be bad.

[Evil Queen]

50 minutes ago, jamblastx said:

Tom Kramden/ Lily (whatever reference to the bible I want to make about Jesus washing the feet of the poor but I am way too tired to remember and/or look it up so I would rather give her this loooong drawn out nickname) - So the bus was a non-issue...what a non-shock.  Dude, you knew that there was no chance that she would ever live there, so why make it this big issue of telling her if you knew you were probably going to move out anyway?  And as someone said earlier, how is a pre-nup not part of signing up for the show?  I love how he is the one who is demanding it and she is clearly taken aback but he then gives her that scruffy Svengali look that apparently melts her and then she agrees to it almost robotically.  Oh and you two, marriage does NOT mean that you have to punctuate every sentence with a smooch or a high five.

Sonia? 'Welcome to our new house?'/ Nick the facial rock - How could they match someone who doesn't like dogs with someone who owns two fairly large dogs?  And Sonia, Nick is not 'weird' for kissing his dogs...most dog owners do and owning a dog is not as rare as owning an Okapi (my favorite zoo animal...look it up, they are ridiculous).  And yeah....I was on the fence if he was really taking it slow or he just wasn't that attracted to her and umm.....yeah he is not attracted.  And if this show was a nature documentary, when she is leaning over to shut the light off and has her butt in the air practically in her face, the narrator would have stated 'The female human is presenting her self to mate with the male'....but goodnight.

 

From my understanding they do sign a prenup. I think this whole post nup is just for tv and to hopefully cause drama or something. I can imagine that any prenup they sign for the show is a your stuff is yours and not the others so if you don't make it that is what you are left with sort of deal and then one the show is over IF they stay together its probably up to them to dump it or keep it as is. Otherwise I can imagine if they didn't do such a thing we would have heard from a certain season about the drama it could have created I'd bet. 

First Okapis are cute. LOL But I will never get why they put him with her because of the dogs. It made no sense and to me was crappy on their part for doing so. Its not a joke if someone has a fear of dogs. I would bet those that find it a joke probably have fear(s) of something(s) as well that they would hate to have someone make into a joke. 

 

35 minutes ago, Zanne505 said:

I'm sad. I don't see any one of these couples making it. 

The most hopeful couple, bus guy and lily are moving into a prefurnished apartment.  I don't know why anyone would do that unless they had no plans to stay.  And mr not materialistic is the first one to ask for postnup?

I really think the couples need to live together FOR REAL for this to ever have a chance to work. I imagine most of these people go back to their own places most nights anyway when the cameras aren't there.

I hope I'm wrong.  I hope someone makes it.

Supposedly they are suppose to get a place together like the past ones (expect for whatever reason Monet and Vaughn back in the 1st season). I understand showing each other where you lived and needing to spend a night or 2-3 in one or the other until getting a place to live together for the show. Yet the reason they get furnished ones is because they stay in them for the show. While yes its silly since it seems many in the past never did stay in the places together. While I understand getting furnished, they really should have to stay in the places and not run back to their places they still have on hold. It really should be part of the contracts for this show too. Yet I can understand why Sonia would run back to her own place from Nick's or a shared one if he has his dogs there too. LOL 

[BunnySlippers]

I loved Lilly's first reaction to the bus: "Oh my god. WTF?" But then, of course, as I had suspected, she was all "in" about it, because everything Tom says and does is just so wonderful. I'm glad at least she told him the next day that it wasn't going to work for her. Even more glad that she insisted that he wash his dirty feet before going to bed. And what a big sacrifice it was on his part to do it for her! Ugh.

So it's actually Sonia, not Lilly, who has student debt (and other debt). Good for Lilly for having paid off her debt and being careful with money. That post-nup will protect her, then.

I wonder if the pet issue had been asked about on those questionnaires. It should have been. How could they pair someone who's afraid of dogs with a dog owner? I don't get it. I agree with LennieBriscoe that one of Nick's dogs looked like a pitbull or a pitbull mix. And Sonia was right about Nick paying more attention to his dogs than her. Also, in the preview of next week's episode, what the hell is wrong with Nick? Again with his talk about not being in love with her, when, according to what Sonia said later, she hadn't even brought it up. I liked him in the previous episode, but I like him less and less now.

I'm not a fan of this pastor. Why was he trying to force Heather to make a decision right that minute? She kept saying that she was tired, she was exhausted, she needed time, and he still kept pushing and pushing and pushing.  I really wish they could talk about the real issues instead of skirting around them, especially if it was really weed that Derek was smoking. I think it was. 

 

6 minutes ago, Snarklepuss said:

 

Yes to "Pastor" Calvin not asking Derek what he was going to do to help the situation.  Meanwhile Derek sits there with childish posture like a lump on a log but never gets put in the hot seat.  He spews a good line like he's all in but he's not backing it up with anything, and his body language gives him away as not giving a shit.  He's just using the situation to make himself look like the victim and Heather the bad guy.

When Nick said he had never had a close relationship with a woman I wonder if he knew how that sounded, especially when he wears face cream and does interior decorating.  Sonia should not be wondering at this point if he finds her attractive.  It should be abundantly obvious by now, I don't care how quiet and shy he is with women.  A woman can tell these things.  The fact that she can't leads me to believe he's not into her and might not even be into women at all.

I totally agree about the pastor not asking Derek about his part in their frictions and what he was going to do, what he was going to change in his behavior. Pastor Calvin pushed it all on to Heather. Heather is not blameless for sure. I do think she has a pretty cold personality, but I think she has some good reasons why she doesn't like Derek, and his behavior wasn't exactly perfect either.

Maybe they should have paired Heather with Tom. Apparently, she's not materialistic either. ;)

I think what Nick said was that he'd never had a close female friend, not that he'd never had a close relationship with a woman as a girlfriend. At least, that's how I interpreted it. I'm sorry for Sonia because yeah, I don't think he's into her.

[Snarklepuss]

20 minutes ago, Enero said:

To be fair Nick said he'd never had a female friend. I take that to mean any woman he's known has been a girlfriend and not necessarily a friend, if that makes sense.

He said, "Being close friends with the opposite sex is something new for me at this point.  I've never had good close girlfriends for the most part."   I don't really know how to take that.  It could mean a few different things.

[Evil Queen]

While I won't be watching it until tomorrow, count me in though on those not liking the Pastor. I haven't from the get go. Which btw, this isn't his first reality show either. That was what put me off. Plus I was wondering why its only him dealing with Heather and Derek. Usually you see them all chime in with different advice of try this or that (even if its one sided like). We haven't seen that this time around. Which when they had the video chat with him, I didn't like how he was yelling at Heather after Derek whined. Sorry but I would have tuned the guy out myself once he started yelling. I will hold comments obviously on what happens tonight since I haven't seen it but he rubs me the wrong way no matter what and he should never yell at any of them since its not something a person in a "counseling" (using that term loosely) position should be doing. 

[AllisonWonderland]

I'm sorry, I feel like I'm taking crazy pills here--we all think HEATHER was hard done by in the session with Pastor Cal, and that DEREK wasn't being held responsible for his plans to make things better?! He straight up said "I am committed to this. I want to find a way to make this work." while she Icequeen'd out next to him. Unless they cut it out of the episode, Derek never got the chance to speak freely to the pastor, which is totally unfair from a therapy/counseling perspective. Each person's needs and concerns are as valid as his or her partner's, so for her to get the full attention of the meeting turned it into a "Let's all brainstorm a way to placate Heather for another few weeks!" powwow.

 

He's not perfect, he's not awesome, but Derek is completely right: she checked the eff out when she realized there was no chemistry, and it would save everyone a lot of time to let them cut their losses and run. It is completely irreparable at this point--I've been the one that has been checked out in a relationship and no amount of pastors or nights to sleep on it would have helped--and forcing them to "try" through the end of the 6 weeks is only going to result in miserable, offputting television. 

[BunnySlippers]

2 minutes ago, Evil Queen said:

While I won't be watching it until tomorrow, count me in though on those not liking the Pastor. I haven't from the get go. Which btw, this isn't his first reality show either. That was what put me off. Plus I was wondering why its only him dealing with Heather and Derek. Usually you see them all chime in with different advice of try this or that (even if its one sided like). We haven't seen that this time around. Which when they had the video chat with him, I didn't like how he was yelling at Heather after Derek whined. Sorry but I would have tuned the guy out myself once he started yelling. I will hold comments obviously on what happens tonight since I haven't seen it but he rubs me the wrong way no matter what and he should never yell at any of them since its not something a person in a "counseling" (using that term loosely) position should be doing. 

I agree. Yelling at someone you're supposed to be counseling can be quite counterproductive. And if it's aimed only at one person, it can tilt the balance in the couple's relationship, giving more legitimacy to one party over the other. It's disrespectful, too.

[Nowhere]

3 minutes ago, Snarklepuss said:

He said, "Being close friends with the opposite sex is something new for me at this point.  I've never had good close girlfriends for the most part."   I don't really know how to take that.  It could mean a few different things.

It means he sees Sonia as a close friend. I think he slipped up and gave away his true feelings when he said that. Then he said as far as attraction, he can get there. I really don't think he'll ever get there. I don't think she has the kind of look or personality that most men would find sexy. Her personality is little-girlish.

Most of my friends, since moving to where I live now, have been gay males. Even gay males, while they were still closeted, had sex with women at some point. Not all, mind you. But a lot of them have had to carry on a life as "straight men" and acted accordingly. I don't think Nick is gay just because he's not sexually attracted to Sonia. I wouldn't be either. But if he was gay, I think he would do what he had to do provided he at least found her to be an attractive woman. And if he's gay he is obviously not ready to be out or he wouldn't have applied for the show. 

I don't think he's gay though just to be clear.

[BunnySlippers]

1 minute ago, AllisonWonderland said:

I'm sorry, I feel like I'm taking crazy pills here--we all think HEATHER was hard done by in the session with Pastor Cal, and that DEREK wasn't being held responsible for his plans to make things better?! He straight up said "I am committed to this. I want to find a way to make this work." while she Icequeen'd out next to him. Unless they cut it out of the episode, Derek never got the chance to speak freely to the pastor, which is totally unfair from a therapy/counseling perspective. Each person's needs and concerns are as valid as his or her partner's, so for her to get the full attention of the meeting turned it into a "Let's all brainstorm a way to placate Heather for another few weeks!" powwow.

 

He's not perfect, he's not awesome, but Derek is completely right: she checked the eff out when she realized there was no chemistry, and it would save everyone a lot of time to let them cut their losses and run. It is completely irreparable at this point--I've been the one that has been checked out in a relationship and no amount of pastors or nights to sleep on it would have helped--and forcing them to "try" through the end of the 6 weeks is only going to result in miserable, offputting television. 

The way I see it, they concentrated on Heather because of Derek's whining and complaining about her. So it was presented as if it was all her fault, and only she was the one who needed to change. I agree, though, that the pastor should have had a chat with Derek, too. Maybe he did, we just didn't see it.

As for Derek saying that he's committed, yes, that's nice, but it's just words. Every chance he gets, he complains about Heather and attacks her about something. He couldn't wait to tear her down in front of the pastor. She could barely talk because he kept talking over her. And that's why the pastor sent him out: so that he could actually talk to Heather without Derek's interruptions.

[Evil Queen]

1 minute ago, AllisonWonderland said:

I'm sorry, I feel like I'm taking crazy pills here--we all think HEATHER was hard done by in the session with Pastor Cal, and that DEREK wasn't being held responsible for his plans to make things better?! He straight up said "I am committed to this. I want to find a way to make this work." while she Icequeen'd out next to him. Unless they cut it out of the episode, Derek never got the chance to speak freely to the pastor, which is totally unfair from a therapy/counseling perspective. Each person's needs and concerns are as valid as his or her partner's, so for her to get the full attention of the meeting turned it into a "Let's all brainstorm a way to placate Heather for another few weeks!" powwow.

 

He's not perfect, he's not awesome, but Derek is completely right: she checked the eff out when she realized there was no chemistry, and it would save everyone a lot of time to let them cut their losses and run. It is completely irreparable at this point--I've been the one that has been checked out in a relationship and no amount of pastors or nights to sleep on it would have helped--and forcing them to "try" through the end of the 6 weeks is only going to result in miserable, offputting television. 

I think editing is a big part of why we only see one side of these things. Last week we saw Derek whine to the Pastor about things and her get yelled at. So last time he did speak freely during that video chat they had but Heather didn't. I am taking it from the comments that she is speaking freely to the Pastor in this but one on one. Which there could also be a reason for but its also that with editing it makes it look as we are only getting this so we are left to wonder did he do so as well or what? Yet I do agree that when it gets to be that they are not a match and know it they should be allowed to walk away when its so bad that there is no turning it around. Ashley and David should have been allowed that as well and now Heather and Derek. There is so much missing in the stories though with them as to what exactly has happened. I say it again but this show needs to hire some decent editors. 

 

3 minutes ago, BunnySlippers said:

The way I see it, they concentrated on Heather because of Derek's whining and complaining about her. So it was presented as if it was all her fault, and only she was the one who needed to change. I agree, though, that the pastor should have had a chat with Derek, too. Maybe he did, we just didn't see it.

As for Derek saying that he's committed, yes, that's nice, but it's just words. Every chance he gets, he complains about Heather and attacks her about something. He couldn't wait to tear her down in front of the pastor. She could barely talk because he kept talking over her. And that's why the pastor sent him out: so that he could actually talk to Heather without Derek's interruptions.

With this it makes sense to send the person out who doesn't stop talking over the other one, is just complaints on the person and not letting the other one speak. I would assume he would do that if it was the other way around as well. I agree it is just words saying you want to make something work but instead of whining and complaining why not suggest ways of trying to make it work together and start fresh? Then ask for her input on ways she things they can try to make it work together. No I or you but more of "let us" or "maybe we could" with suggestions on ways to try. Then follow through with those things. Yet no matter what they are just not happening and should be done. The way they make these people stick out the 6 weeks when its obviously not going to ever happen is something that bugs me. Especially when the "experts" keeping pushing them to do this or that when its pointless. But we all know they just can't be wrong on the matches they made, right? SMH

[Paddywagon]

This show needs more cowbell fishbowl.

If the fishbowl questions were available this season the couples wouldn't be having these problems!  /sarcasm

Edited August 31, 2016 by Paddywagon

[Jax7917]

Why wasn't Ashley given the choice to leave last season ? We all know if it was possible , she would have skidaddled instantly .

i know Derek has issues , but holy moly heather is just an ice queen . She literally has Ashley's personality or lack there of . Why on earth would you get do this show if you're gonna bail after 2 days . 

fighting for your marriage makes total sense when 2 people have a history together and once upon a time had great memories and / or children together . But the reason it doesn't make sense to fight for your marriage in this situation is because these people don't know anything about each other except for fighting . They have no foundation to build upon . There's been no good memories , no children in the picture . Pretty sure heather and Derek and Ashley and David are the definition of why you DATE before you get married 

[Racj82]

Scared of dogs my ass. I'm scared of dogs. I wouldn't have set foot in that house. I don't want any animals around me ever. I'm good with that. Animals lovers can keep their animals. If I even see a dog in someones picture on a dating site, that's a hard pass. Or any animal for that matter. How was this not dealt with during the match up process? He had to have talked about his dogs since he loves them so damn much. Was she not asked about pets or did she never say anything? It's weird if she didn't because she's so "scared" of them.

All of that hand wringing over the bus and after like, a night there, the bus was a wrap. Just like I knew it would be.

[Evil Queen]

2 minutes ago, Jaclyn88 said:

 

fighting for your marriage makes total sense when 2 people have a history together and once upon a time had great memories and / or children together . But the reason it doesn't make sense to fight for your marriage in this situation is because these people don't know anything about each other except for fighting . They have no foundation to build upon . There's been no good memories , no children in the picture . Pretty sure heather and Derek and Ashley and David are the definition of why you DATE before you get married 

100% agree with this! 

Just now, Racj82 said:

Scared of dogs my ass. I'm scared of dogs. I wouldn't have set foot in that house. I don't want any animals around me ever. I'm good with that. Animals lovers can keep their animals. If I even see a dog in someones picture on a dating site, that's a hard pass. Or any animal for that matter. How was this not dealt with during the match up process? He had to have talked about his dogs since he loves them so damn much. Was she not asked about pets or did she never say anything? It's weird if she didn't because she's so "scared" of them.

All of that hand wringing over the bus and after like, a night there, the bus was a wrap. Just like I knew it would be.

It must have been mentioned before being matched but as usual what to do the "experts" care what these people say on things. The "experts" just do whatever and come up with stupid reasons for putting them together. Which I am still waiting for Pepper to pop up in a TH saying they paired Nick with Sonia so she can over come her fear of dogs. *rollseyes* Plus she told him after they got married and were alone and he said something about having dogs. So it was talked about and she told him she had a fear of them. 

[Gem 10]

1 hour ago, Jack Sampson said:

Nick's not into Sonia at all and I can't blame him.  Not only do I find her chubby and unattractive, but her personality is exhausting.  And of course Nick kisses his dogs, every guy I know kisses his dogs.  People come up to my fence to kiss my husky, they do it on the sidewalk when we go for a walk - 2 did tonight! 

Heather hasn't lifted a finger to help her marriage, nor has she shown even a hint of commitment.  Derek's trying at least, but he's not longsuffering David, he's pissed and wants her to just admit that it's over and she never even tried.

Tom and Lily won't make it.  I'd get blasted if I told my reasoning but I think a few men watching the show picked up on it.

 

45 minutes ago, CindyK said:

You don't usually hold back so it must be bad.

Tell your reasoning.  Promise I won't blast you, ha ha .

[Racj82]

9 minutes ago, Evil Queen said:

100% agree with this! 

It must have been mentioned before being matched but as usual what to do the "experts" care what these people say on things. The "experts" just do whatever and come up with stupid reasons for putting them together. Which I am still waiting for Pepper to pop up in a TH saying they paired Nick with Sonia so she can over come her fear of dogs. *rollseyes* Plus she told him after they got married and were alone and he said something about having dogs. So it was talked about and she told him she had a fear of them. 

When I say was Sonia asked or did she bring it up, I mean involving the experts.

[humbleopinion]

Call Caesar 911!

Nick's comment about having no friends of the opposite sex was an odd edit.

Have the producers dropped the pretense so soon in the Nick and Sonia story line?

Heather said she was worn out but she meant repulsed, disgusted and revolted by Derek.

Looked like she was going to barf all the drinks she had on the plane in the emergency meeting.

Edited August 31, 2016 by humbleopinion
nonsense

[krbr51]

Hi, I'm new here, but my take is a little different at the moment... 

I see Heather/Derek as more similar to Crazy Pants/Long Beard from last season (what were their names again?).  During Heather and Derek's argument, I thought he fought really dirty.  He kept attacking her as a person and storming off.  It reminded me of Sam (!!) attacking Neil last season on their honeymoom.  Maybe Heather is giving up, but Neil didn't give up.   But at the end, Neil realized Sam did too much damage to overcome.  Heather may just be realizing that a bit sooner.   Heather is not particularly warm, or overly friendly,  but I still think she is miles ahead of Ashley.  

Also, I love Sonia.  I really hope they make it.

And I kinda hope that Lily and Tom "get real" soon.  It can't really be that perfect.  He isn't going to wash his feet before bed forever....  

Edited August 31, 2016 by krbr51
Opps! I wasn't done!

[zxy556575]

29 minutes ago, humbleopinion said:

Heather said she was worn out but she meant repulsed, disgusted and revolted by Derek.

Agreed. She continues to tap dance around her real feelings. Why even try to maintain the facade at this point? And the same goes for Derek -- he's only claiming he wants to work on his marriage to make himself look honorable and come off as the bigger person. Pah.

My guess is that the session with Pastor Calvin (who I like because of his no-bullshit attitude; there was too much mollycoddling going on in previous seasons) went on for quite a while and that he also had some tough words for Derek. But since the "emergency" seemed to be mostly about whether or not Heather wanted to call it quits, it's fair to me that she was the focus of the discussion.

Again, how much money are these people getting to make them stick it out when they're so obviously miserable? The producers insist it's a "nominal" fee but I honestly don't see what else is in it for them.

[Jason]

The only mistake Heather made was checking the ok with occasional smoking box.    Derrick is immature, looks and acts like an idiot.  He would have worn anyone out.  Heather is actually rather wonderful.  The Pastor that interviewed them is a blind idiot.

[Lola16]

3 hours ago, Enero said:

As it should've been IMHO. Despite what happened on the honeymoon and Derek's comments he's still onboard with whatever this is. Note what he said during the session. He told Heather she should just leave. If he feels like it's over why put it on her? Why don't he leave the marriage? Because he wants to hang in for whatever reason. 

Heather on the other hand is clearly done and ready to walk out the door. Hence the Pastor C appearing to try and help her work through her hang ups more. 

Derek lashed out when Heather started to answer a question and barked at her to "just leave". He wants her to call it quits. Either he doesn't want to look like the 'bad one' on camera or it's about the money.  Probably both.

The other 2 couples got to return from their honeymoons without emergency meetings and return to their own homes separately and sleep in their own beds for 1 night before meeting up the next day to look at each other's current homes.

Did Heather and Derek not get that option?  That would be crappy.

Sonia is trying her best but she needs to work on her insecurities.  Nick starts to like Sonia as a friend, gets all nice, catches himself and then tries to push her away with snarky sniping comments.  Awesomesauce.

Nick and Lilly.  Oh man.  The unfinished (and poorly finished) bus with insufficient power and water for 2 with a hard bed and no storage. His stinky dirty feet. Her awful hair and capitulating to everything he wants (except dirty feet in bed).  Yeah.  Not gonna last.

[Jade Foxx]

30 minutes ago, Jason said:

The only mistake Heather made was checking the ok with occasional smoking box.    Derrick is immature, looks and acts like an idiot.  He would have worn anyone out.  Heather is actually rather wonderful.  The Pastor that interviewed them is a blind idiot.

I'm conflicted. I think Heather and Derrick are equally awful in their individual ways. 

[Lola16]

Adding... It's clear that the scene with Pastor Calvin was highly edited. PC is gesturing to someone off camera more than once.  As for Heather not mentioning smoking, maybe she did. Or maybe, unlike Derek, she feels that she already brought that up and doesn't need to mention it ad nauseam.