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Jessa, Ben and Their Brood: Making a (Diaper) Mountain out of a Mold House

Chris Knight

By Chris Knight
in Counting On

Scarlett45
Message added by Scarlett45

The Duggars post about politics on social media frequently, but these social media posts are not an invitation to discuss politics here in this forum. This rule extends to Duggar adjacent families, friends, associates etc. Such discussions are a violation of the Politics Policy. 

I understand with recent current events there may be a desire to discuss certain social media postings of those in the Duggar realm as they relate to politics- this is not the place for those discussions. If you believe someone has violated forum rules, report them, do not respond or engage.

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Lady Edith
Lady Edith

Imho if you are pro-life, BE PRO LIFE.  That is, be pro every STAGE of life, not just in utero.  Why doesn’t pro life include teens?  Elders?  Suppprt QUALITY public education for all of our children.

Arwen Evenstar
Arwen Evenstar

Dammit, I wish they'd all stop spreading misinformation about abortion.  Most women who seek abortion don't do it at the stage of that ultrasound image Dustbin posted unless there are severe abnormali

IntoTheMystic
IntoTheMystic

I went on a couple of those ATI approved 'Journey to the Heart' brainwashings back in the day when I was a teenager. I think they might have been called something different. I don't really remember. M

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satrunrose

satrunrose

(edited)

Jessa and Ben's parenting reminds me most of the howler and lost girl years. I always assumed they were more or less feral because M+J were totally checked out by that point which J and B don't seem to be...exactly... We had heard so much bragging about chore packs and buddy teams and jurisdictions that it seemed like they had everyone whipped into shape (literally, blanket training and all that) up to Josiah and Joy, but now I wonder. Maybe Jessa sees the way the Howlers grew up as way more fun than her sister-mom years, so she thinks she is doing better than she was raised. 

Edited by satrunrose
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Is Everyone Gone

Is Everyone Gone

1 hour ago, satrunrose said:

Jessa and Ben's parenting reminds me most of the howler and lost girl years. I always assumed they were more or less feral because M+J were totally checked out by that point which J and B don't seem to be...exactly... We had heard so much bragging about chore packs and buddy teams and jurisdictions that it seemed like they had everyone whipped into shape (literally, blanket training and all that) up to Josiah and Joy, but now I wonder. Maybe Jessa sees the way the Howlers grew up as way more fun than her sister-mom years, so she thinks she is doing better than she was raised. 

That's a good point. I think Jessa's childhood was so joyless (having a buddy group to care for when she herself was only a child), that she thinks letting the kids do whatever is being a fun parent. But the total lack of structure and guidance for 5 very young children who seem bright and precocious is unfortunate.

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sixlets

sixlets

I am not the biggest Jessa fan by any means, but just like the other 18 kids, she was damaged by the "parenting" JB&M did.  Even though she's 5 kids in, it doesn't seem like she has found herself as a mother or a woman for that matter.  All of her life she's been told that her only purpose is to get married and have babies.  Who did she have as role models?  Michelle, Kelly Jo, and a handful of other moms at Big Sandy.  Sadly, it's the kids who suffer, but I think Jessa could benefit greatly from therapy to find out who she is without Michelle being in her ear 24/7.

Sidenote, we have an all-black cat named Benny, and he's just as clueless as Bin.  We're still not sure how he makes it through each day.  He's cute as a button but dumb as a rock.

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precious pupp

precious pupp

1 minute ago, Is Everyone Gone said:

I think part of Jessa's sour joylessness is the fact that Bin is so shiftless. Austin flips houses, Derick is a lawyer, Stephen appears to work as well, but what the hell does Bin do all day?

Dispenses sperm when he's in the mood.  Shiftless seems about right.

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lascuba

lascuba

1 hour ago, Is Everyone Gone said:

I think part of Jessa's sour joylessness is the fact that Bin is so shiftless. Austin flips houses, Derick is a lawyer, Jeremy does his minstry thing, Stephen appears to work as well, but what the hell does Bin do all day?

I hate to give JB even the tiniest pinch of credit, but he was right in his seeming hesitance towards Ben, and I really wish he'd pulled the "umbrella of authority card" and nipped that relationship in the bud early. I have my theories as to why he didn't, but regardless of the reasons--and not to discount Jessa's faults--I genuinely believe that her marriage to Ben is at the heart of her current issues.

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CalicoKitty

CalicoKitty

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I have always had a soft spot for Ben.  He showed interest in the sights and places they went on their honeymoon (Jessa looked bored), and I think he actually has some smarts.  If his father had not pushed and supported his early marriage, I think he stood a chance of getting some real education.  He did work (with his dad, I think) in the windshield repair/replacement business.  My feeling is that Jessa nagged him to stay home, and JB supported the idea.  I think he was doing his best to live up to the Duggar rules, and now he is stuck and bored.  I don't think he is in charge of his life anymore, so he just does what he think is expected of him and lets Jessa rule the roost.  Just my opinion, however.  I am sorry to see the loss of potential in anyone.

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Is Everyone Gone

Is Everyone Gone

20 minutes ago, lascuba said:

I hate to give JB even the tiniest pinch of credit, but he was right in his seeming hesitance towards Ben, and I really wish he'd pulled the "umbrella of authority card" and nipped that relationship in the bud early. I have my theories as to why he didn't, but regardless of the reasons--and not to discount Jessa's faults--I genuinely believe that her marriage to Ben is at the heart of her current issues.

Jessa's been raised to believe her heads-ship should provide and she should take care of home and kids. But both of them are crappy at their pre-ordained roles. Jessa struggles with mothering and homemaking and probably would be happier in a 9-5 job. Bin is awful at providing and doing a 9-5 job. So it's a very sour marriage and a bunch of kids. Rough. 

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Lisa418722

Lisa418722

31 minutes ago, CalicoKitty said:

I have always had a soft spot for Ben.  He showed interest in the sights and places they went on their honeymoon (Jessa looked bored), and I think he actually has some smarts.  If his father had not pushed and supported his early marriage, I think he stood a chance of getting some real education.  He did work (with his dad, I think) in the windshield repair/replacement business.  My feeling is that Jessa nagged him to stay home, and JB supported the idea.  I think he was doing his best to live up to the Duggar rules, and now he is stuck and bored.  I don't think he is in charge of his life anymore, so he just does what he think is expected of him and lets Jessa rule the roost.  Just my opinion, however.  I am sorry to see the loss of potential in anyone.

I think if Jessa and Ben had been able to date and act like normal teenagers, they never would have married. But courtship with siblings hanging around meant they never had a chance to get to know each other until it was too late.  

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lascuba

lascuba

 

1 hour ago, Is Everyone Gone said:

Jessa's been raised to believe her heads-ship should provide and she should take care of home and kids. But both of them are crappy at their pre-ordained roles. Jessa struggles with mothering and homemaking and probably would be happier in a 9-5 job. Bin is awful at providing and doing a 9-5 job. So it's a very sour marriage and a bunch of kids. Rough. 

Oh, definitely. I think that would be a big issue even if their personalities meshed well, which they don't. Jessa was going to have those struggles no matter who she married, but marrying a boy who was expecting a happily submissive  wife and having to constantly make an effort to soothe his ego has to be draining. Ben was expecting the show and family fame to launch his apocalyptic preacher career and when that didn't happen, he couldn't/wouldn't pivot. So now he can't provide and resents his marriage for it.                           

1 hour ago, Lisa418722 said:

I think if Jessa and Ben had been able to date and act like normal teenagers, they never would have married. But courtship with siblings hanging around meant they never had a chance to get to know each other until it was too late.  

 A big part of me blames the show, honestly. The family was doing an excellent job of keeping the courtship under wraps until Ben's aunt outed them. Once that happened, there was no way they could get away with not having the first Duggar daughter courtship televised. I think that relationship would have died a natural death if it weren't for that.

 

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Is Everyone Gone

Is Everyone Gone

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(edited)
1 hour ago, lascuba said:

 

Oh, definitely. I think that would be a big issue even if their personalities meshed well, which they don't. Jessa was going to have those struggles no matter who she married, but marrying a boy who was expecting a happily submissive  wife and having to constantly make an effort to soothe his ego has to be draining. Ben was expecting the show and family fame to launch his apocalyptic preacher career and when that didn't happen, he couldn't/wouldn't pivot. So now he can't provide and resents his marriage for it.                           

Another thing is Jessa is so spectacularly BAD at the one occupation for women deemed acceptable by fundies: social media influencing. There are women who are good at the mommy vlogging thing. Their houses look immaculate, their kids are adorable, and they know how to discreetly plug products on their IG and YT. Jessa's mommy vlogging videos consist of her unkempt kids, glum husband, and messy house.  Her "birthday week" videos for her kids consist of her kids opening Amazon boxes. There's nothing aspirational about anything she does.

Edited by Is Everyone Gone
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sixlets

sixlets

5 hours ago, Is Everyone Gone said:

I think part of Jessa's sour joylessness is the fact that Bin is so shiftless. Austin flips houses, Derick is a lawyer, Jeremy does his minstry thing, Stephen appears to work as well, but what the hell does Bin do all day?

Follow Jessa around all day like a little puppy since she carries his balls in her purse?

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cmr2014

cmr2014

On 8/30/2024 at 1:59 PM, GeeGolly said:

I think had Jessa and Ben married different spouses those marriages would look like this marriage. I believe this is just who they are.

I agree. Jessa was always sour and unhappy, and she was always going to look for a weak man, and once she got him, she relised that she despises his weakness. I also just think that she's deeply unhappy within herself, and Ben is just some jerk who happens to be around a lot, but her unhappiness comes from within, and I don't think she has to ability to deal with it (I don't think self-reflection is her strong suit). I'm guessing that she doesn't like being a brood-mare/help-meet, and struggles with "what I want" vs "what I've always believed." I think that a lot of this stuff is performative -- staying near the TTH, having so many kids, even the half-assed housekeeping (look at me! I'm so busy being a Christian mom to all these kids and I just can'f find time for cleaning  -- LOL)). If she repeats these steps often enough, it will become true!

Ben is, IMO, as concerend about image surface realitites as Jeremy. He desperately wanted something  -- he was what, 17? He managed to win the pretty girl from TV, and was sure this was the inevitable next step to his rise to television pastor of a mega-church. And now, because he couldn't take a few months to actually ge to know the girl, and her family, he has a lifetime of regret to look forward to. I think he would happily run back to Jessa any day if she'd open up and let him. She knows that, too, and despises him all the more for it.

 

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andromeda331

andromeda331

7 hours ago, Salacious Kitty said:

They courted for 11 months before their 3 month engagement. Ben moved into a shed on the Duggar property. He had plenty of time to get to know these people. But he  also turned 18 and grew up in a hurry. 

Yeah he had plenty of time to get to know Jessa and still chose to marry her. Marrying the pretty girl with a TV show was all that he cared about. Of course he was seventeen and turned eighteen. At that age nothing else matters. You'd think his idiot parents' have been there to try and put the brakes on it or talked to him about Jessa's personalty but nope. They were just as determined for Ben to marry Jessa.

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Minivanessa

Minivanessa

@cmr2014 - I agree with your assessment of Jessa. IIRC when she and Bin were newly married, the show runners put them in a few situations where they were interacting with people outside her immediate circle of family and some other fundie friends. At least as far as it was shown on the show, Ben was much more at ease in those situations than Jessa. She seemed to be very brittle when interacting with people outside her comfort zone - touchy, reserved, uncomfortable. Yet when she was in the TTH sitting in front of a camera doing a talking head for the show, she was just digging it, clearly not just comfortable but glorying in it. 

IMO Jessa has a deep need to control her environment, to be in her comfort zone. I think her view of the world outside the limits of Jessa/Duggar World, is that it's scary and dangerous and full of enemies. Her notorious vaguebooking history - periodically dropping cryptic comments about maybe expecting twins or considering adoption, rinsing and repeating - was IMO her little game against the big bad nasty world. She played it with a smug little smile on her face. 

I wonder if she'll keep on pumping out the babies because she's set herself on that course, and isn't capable of consciously questioning the doctrines that she was taught in her family of origin. Brainwashing is powerful. 

 

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crazy8s

crazy8s

(edited)
On 9/4/2024 at 5:05 PM, Salacious Kitty said:

Just wait until one of them gets cancer, and CHM refuses to pay their bills. They'll change their tune lickety split. 

Seems Hilary Spivey called her out on that last time saying one of their kids had cancer and whatever Jessa was shilling at the time was what they had and nothing was covered.

The Spivey child seems to have received treatment and recovered.

Edited by crazy8s
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libgirl2

libgirl2

35 minutes ago, Salacious Kitty said:

Their track record regarding pre-existing conditions is also very poor. The only ones who would benefit are people in their 20s who haven't developed high cholesterol or diabetes. If you're a type 1 diabetic, forget it. 

My friend's husband briefly thought about going on one of those. He is in his late 50s and has heart issues. He is lucky she can continue to carry him on her health insurance. 

7 hours ago, Minivanessa said:

@cmr2014 - I agree with your assessment of Jessa. IIRC when she and Bin were newly married, the show runners put them in a few situations where they were interacting with people outside her immediate circle of family and some other fundie friends. At least as far as it was shown on the show, Ben was much more at ease in those situations than Jessa. She seemed to be very brittle when interacting with people outside her comfort zone - touchy, reserved, uncomfortable. Yet when she was in the TTH sitting in front of a camera doing a talking head for the show, she was just digging it, clearly not just comfortable but glorying in it. 

IMO Jessa has a deep need to control her environment, to be in her comfort zone. I think her view of the world outside the limits of Jessa/Duggar World, is that it's scary and dangerous and full of enemies. Her notorious vaguebooking history - periodically dropping cryptic comments about maybe expecting twins or considering adoption, rinsing and repeating - was IMO her little game against the big bad nasty world. She played it with a smug little smile on her face. 

I wonder if she'll keep on pumping out the babies because she's set herself on that course, and isn't capable of consciously questioning the doctrines that she was taught in her family of origin. Brainwashing is powerful. 

 

Could part of that need for control (along with a lot of what we see) her response to what happened to her as a child? 

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AstridM

AstridM

3 hours ago, Is Everyone Gone said:

Jessa is shilling Christian Health Ministries and her kids playing in a fort again. Sigh. 

She is disgusting for this, IMHO. 

3 hours ago, Salacious Kitty said:

Just wait until one of them gets cancer, and CHM refuses to pay their bills. They'll change their tune lickety split. 

I think she would continue to lie about it. 

2 hours ago, crazy8s said:

Seems Hilary Spivey called her out on that last time saying one of kids had cancer and whatever Jessa was shilling at the time was what they had and nothing was covered.

The Spivey child seems to have received treatment and recovered.

And Jessa didn’t give a fuck. 

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CalicoKitty

CalicoKitty

29 minutes ago, Gemma Violet said:

CHM probably pays most/all of Jessa's bills because they know she has 2.5 million Instagram followers.  If Jessa is unsatisfied, she will not hesitate to make a remark on her IG.  Heck, maybe Jessa has even hinted as much to CHM.

There must be some payoff of some kind.  I can't imagine Jessa posting for free.

 

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Salacious Kitty

Salacious Kitty

39 minutes ago, CalicoKitty said:

There must be some payoff of some kind.  I can't imagine Jessa posting for free.

 

As @GeeGollynoted, Jessa assuredly gets her insurance bills paid, no questions asked. I wonder if Hilaria has posted on this latest shill. She put CHM on blast. 

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ranchgirl

ranchgirl

17 hours ago, Is Everyone Gone said:

Jessa is shilling Christian Health Ministries and her kids playing in a fort again. Sigh. 

The one I saw (Insta stories I think) did not show any kids playing in a fort but there was new pictures of Ivy or Fern in a cast.  No pictures or video of a helicopter ride for Spurg or him in a brace this time.  

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CalicoKitty

CalicoKitty

I have not seen this picture, but I think it is interesting that she posts pictures of her children in an ambulance or getting an IV but does not explain the circumstances.  I think it is sad to use your children for clicks on the internet.  Quit posting pictures of your children for your own publicity.

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Zella

Zella

On 9/4/2024 at 5:18 PM, Salacious Kitty said:

Their track record regarding pre-existing conditions is also very poor. The only ones who would benefit are people in their 20s who haven't developed high cholesterol or diabetes. If you're a type 1 diabetic, forget it. 

Yeah I've mentioned this on here before, but I used to have a job at a place where a married couple who worked there started promoting one of these scammy places as an alternative to our real insurance. They instead set off a mini revolt. By the time you factored in people who had preexisting conditions, spouses with preexisting conditions, smokers, and people who didn't go to church, none of us would have been covered. 

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AstridM

AstridM

On 9/5/2024 at 12:10 PM, CalicoKitty said:

I have not seen this picture, but I think it is interesting that she posts pictures of her children in an ambulance or getting an IV but does not explain the circumstances.  I think it is sad to use your children for clicks on the internet.  Quit posting pictures of your children for your own publicity.

It’s more than sad, imo, it’s pathological. 

2 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

I think so. I thought so when they had Spurge in a helicopter. I think if Jessa was called out she would say they were filming ads.

Aren’t there rules already that state ads must be marked as such?

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AgathaC

AgathaC

The first time I ever heard of those Christian health insurance things was when my husband interviewed for a job with a company that used it. The guy was all cheery and talking about how great it was. Hubby (who has extensive background in HR and insurance plans) did the ”smile, nod and slooooowly back away.” Scammy as hell. And idiotic.

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Scarlett45
Message added by Scarlett45

The Duggars post about politics on social media frequently, but these social media posts are not an invitation to discuss politics here in this forum. This rule extends to Duggar adjacent families, friends, associates etc. Such discussions are a violation of the Politics Policy. 

I understand with recent current events there may be a desire to discuss certain social media postings of those in the Duggar realm as they relate to politics- this is not the place for those discussions. If you believe someone has violated forum rules, report them, do not respond or engage.

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