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S04.E19: Just The T.I.P.

OnceSane

By OnceSane
in Vanderpump Rules

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OnceSane

OnceSane

Katie wants to hold her engagement party at Villa Rosa, but Lisa Vanderpump balks because Stassi and Kristen are on the guest list; Jax questions everything as his court date gets closer; Tom Sandoval shoots a video to launch his music career.

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AngryCarrot86

AngryCarrot86

Schwartz was definitely the VIP in this rather boring episode. From his nonchalant attitude during the cheese-fest, 10k dildo music video, to his very articulate conversation shooting golf balls with the Jaxape, and then to his pony shenanigans at Lisa's - I've decided he's the best. I just love him to pieces.

I feel like the editing monkeys were at play with the timing of Jax going back to Hawaii. Was it just me, or did Brittany look a lot less "endowed" during her drive to the airport. Oh... Ho hum. Bravo thinks we're idiots.

LaLa is such a naive little girl. She's the one who suggested James take "the bitch Kristen" to dinner (her words, not mine). Yet, she proceeds to twist her panties in a jealous bunch when James tells her about the corresponding coitus with Kristen. OF COURSE they did. Lol. I was also amused at her jumping at the bit to be a good girl gone bad in Flat Iron's music video... Pro bono. Some model she must be.

As cute as I think Katie is, that purple skintight mistake she's forced to wear at SUR does her absolutely no favors. Poor girl.

I suppose I shall end on that shallow note.

  • Love 3
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HunterHunted

HunterHunted

(edited)

Brittany thought Jax was marriage material?! Where did he meet this Kentucky girl anyway - an unlikely couple for sure!

It's obvious after observing Jax for even the shortest amount of time that Jax isn't built for monogamy let alone marriage. This poor delusional girl. Jax proves himself to be quite the prize.

I want to see Jax annihilate James.

At this point, I want anyone to wallop James. I want Katie to channel her rage away from texts and direct it to beating the ever loving shit out of James at every opportunity. I'm not surprised that Kristen slept with James, but I'm so disappointed in Kristen. Fucking James was so avoidable.

Ariana keeps getting better and better with every passing exposure to her sunny disposition.

Edited by HunterHunted
  • Love 5
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straightshooter

straightshooter

I have to laugh at Kristen (The Catch) and her evil plan to drink lots of wine in front of sober James.  How'd THAT work for ya?  You really showed him!  "That's not ego, it's self-esteem..."   Her plan to reunite the besties will be just as successful.  Kristen, hon, you're a bridge that Stassi no choice but to walk over to get to Katie.  There's no reunion happening here - not to mention, no "better men".  

 

Oy.

  • LOL 1
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ivygirl

ivygirl

Question:

Raise your hand if you believe James misses Kristen.

Now, raise your hand if you think James misses... potential screen time.

Infrared skin care. Turtle races. Kristen's "falling out" with, like, everyone. Relationship Detective Stassi. Dog reaction shots. Rational Makeupless Lala. This show is just too freakin' much.

  • Love 7
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Ubiquitous

Ubiquitous

I want to see Jax annihilate James.  

By that, did you mean "beat up" or "make-out with", err, I mean "banged"?

Ever notice that whenever someone on this show denies having sex with someone then admits to "making out", it means they fucked? As soon as DJ Muppet Baby told LaLa he made out with Kristen in the car, I knew what really had happened! Geez, LaLa really IS "basic", isn't she?

 

Why was Jax asking for time off from successful businesswoman Lisa Vanderbucks? Did I miss her rehiring/reinstating him on the job roster? Ditto for granting Katie's wish to have her party at her boss's house. As soon as she told Katie not to invite Kristen and Stassi, I immediately knew what was coming down the pike. So, do Kristen and Stassi think they're going to get away with crashing the party? 

 

I always laugh at Flat Iron Tom being so intimately familiar with the beauty treatments he is receiving, sometimes even more so than the person applying it to him. It reminds me of Sam Malone's knowledge of hair care products in the final seasons of Cheers. I couldn't help but wonder if the money he wasted making that video came from being on this show. There is no way he could afford $10 plus the additional cash on what he makes as a mactorian! BTW, did they redesign hundred dollar bills or did he raid one of his board games for it?

  • LOL 1
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cherry slushie

cherry slushie

Schwartz was definitely the VIP in this rather boring episode. From his nonchalant attitude during the cheese-fest, 10k dildo music video, to his very articulate conversation shooting golf balls with the Jaxape, and then to his pony shenanigans at Lisa's - I've decided he's the best. I just love him to pieces.

I feel like the editing monkeys were at play with the timing of Jax going back to Hawaii. Was it just me, or did Brittany look a lot less "endowed" during her drive to the airport. Oh... Ho hum. Bravo thinks we're idiots.

LaLa is such a naive little girl. She's the one who suggested James take "the bitch Kristen" to dinner (her words, not mine). Yet, she proceeds to twist her panties in a jealous bunch when James tells her about the corresponding coitus with Kristen. OF COURSE they did. Lol. I was also amused at her jumping at the bit to be a good girl gone bad in Flat Iron's music video... Pro bono. Some model she must be.

As cute as I think Katie is, that purple skintight mistake she's forced to wear at SUR does her absolutely no favors. Poor girl.

I suppose I shall end on that shallow note.

And of course they needed to show a posterior shot of her next to tiny Schaena in that purple thing, just to make matters worse.

  • Love 3
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ghoulina

ghoulina

This title makes me all kinds of squicky. And Sandoval's music video was really weird and random. A magic device in a suitcase that releases your sexual inhibitions? A dildo covered guitar? Dancing in a library? What am I missing here?

 

Kristen's boyfriend has "perfect measurements". Never heard this one before. What are perfect measurements on a guy? What are we measuring here? 

 

Also, he takes them to turtle races? Not sure how I feel about this. How are the turtles cared for during the off time? Are they given performance enhancing drugs? Why can't people entertain themselves without animals? Just curious. 

 

Also, what was Katie wearing that night? Chunky sweater and choker necklace? It's like Jax fucked 1996 and that's the result. 

 

So I totally think Katie asked for the party to be at Lisa's, so she could get out of Stassi coming without being the one to say "no". Totally. 

 

And, of course, she and Kristen are just going to show up anyway. Can we say producer driven? 

 

I'm not feeling Jax and his little pity parties. If you're sick of people joking about your shennanigans, stop getting yourself involved in shennanigans! Stop trying to downplay what you did by listing all the other "worse" crimes you didn't commit. "I didn't rob a bank". "I didn't steal a car". YET. I wish he'd get sentenced to 5 years in Hawaiian jail. 

 

The best part of the episode was Schwartz letting the horses into the house. Freaking hilarious. I love that dude. He said something else really funny this episode, but I can't remember now. 

  • Love 10
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TattleTeeny

TattleTeeny

(edited)
As cute as I think Katie is, that purple skintight mistake she's forced to wear at SUR does her absolutely no favors. Poor girl.

 

She needs to size up; that dress is NOT supposed to fit skintight in the first place. It also looks flimsy as hell for people doing actual hard work! Like something from Joyce Leslie.

 

I suppose I shall end on that shallow note.

 

 

I'll follow that up by mentioning that (I'm sorry!) Britney's belly looked huge before they sat down to dinner. Mean Me wondered if the boob job was to disguise that, haha (not really)! I did wonder if they'd already eaten before the oh-so-dramatic dinner scene though; as a skinny chick who eats a lot, I am familiar with the exaggeratedly visible "food baby."

 

I thought the video was kind of fun. As a Gen X who saw the birth of MTV, it's sometimes nice to see people (even these people) hail back to the narrative-style (however cheesy) music video--or even bother making one in the first place. Of course, I say that under the possibly naive and mistaken impression that all involved were deliberately going for cheesy, that is...

Edited by TattleTeeny
  • LOL 1
  • Love 7
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Duke2801

Duke2801

Ah, Kristen and James. One of the great love stories of our time.  From spitting on doors to banging on car hoods.  Romance is NOT dead, ya'll! 

 

Seriously though. Gross.  And did I mention GROSS?

 

I guess either Jax got over his "fear of marriage" or Brittany got over her "need to get married anytime soon" because those 2 are apparently still together and happy.  Ehhh, whatever.

 

Why was Jax asking for time off from successful businesswoman Lisa Vanderbucks? Did I miss her rehiring/reinstating him on the job roster?

 

 

You must have.  He came back to work last week after his suspension.

  • Love 2
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nexxie

nexxie

Shwartzie nearly having a panic attack over the mini horse getting loose in Lisa Vanderbuck's house gave me a good laugh.

He's definitely the charmer on this show!
  • Love 1
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bichonblitz

bichonblitz

All 4 besties were on WWHL last night. Kristin, Scheana, Stassi and Katie. They really are laying it on thick with how much they looooove each other. They couldn't keep their hands off each other. Stassi is overjoyed she has Katie back now, it's becoming so damn annoying. Enough already! Where is this happily ever after going to go? Someone has to screw it up, right?  

 

Andy asked them if they liked Brittney and they all said they loved her and she and Jax will most likely get married. So I guess all the BS about Jax having second thoughts about her moving in with him is all just a story line. 

  • Love 3
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ghoulina

ghoulina

I guess either Jax got over his "fear of marriage" or Brittany got over her "need to get married anytime soon" because those 2 are apparently still together and happy.  Ehhh, whatever.

 

I'm certain it's the latter. I really hope that Britanny is using Jax as some sort of stepping stool into "fame" of some sort. Because, if not, she is 10 kinds of pathetic. 

  • Love 5
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Duke2801

Duke2801

Also - back on the shallow bus - Katie really does look bad in that Sur uniform.  But did anyone see her on WWHL last night?  She looks good and looks like she's definitely lost weight.  Her legs looked awesome.

  • Love 2
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Ubiquitous

Ubiquitous

She needs to size up; that dress is NOT supposed to fit skintight in the first place. It also looks flimsy as hell for people doing actual hard work!

Are you questioning successful businesswoman Lisa Vanderbucks' decisions? ;-)

 

I failed to mention how my online TV schedule listed tonight's ep as being two hours long, which I did not believe for a nanosecond. I'm tired of Bravo trying to pull these tricks on me so I had no intention of watching the WWHL special and the aftershow, which seemed to be in reverse order.

 

 

Ah, Kristen and James. One of the great love stories of our time.  From spitting on doors to banging on car hoods.  Romance is NOT dead, ya'll! 

My first reaction to seeing them separately admit to "making out", err, "banging" was "What did the neighbors think?".

  • Love 1
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politichick

politichick

Why did Jax still have the sunglasses he stole? Aren't they evidence? 

 

I also wondered if Katie asked to have the party at Lisa's to avoid having Stassi there. But then I have to remember how much of this is fake. Still love Tom Schwartz, though, and I hope his family comes to the party. I'm dying to see where he comes from.

  • Love 7
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HunterHunted

HunterHunted

(edited)

I keep meaning to ask. What is "T.I.P", as in Flat iron Tom's song?

Touch in public.

I think that one of the reasons that this group is still delusionally chasing their big break is because they're really Midwestern. Sandoval is from Missouri. Schwartz is from Minnesota. Jax and Kristen are from Michigan. Katie and Lala are from Utah (yes, I know it's not the Midwest). I think if they had grown up closer to LA or NYC they'd would have gotten a clue that's it's not happening for them. Scheana's from West Covina and it seems like she gets it. Save your money for now and when this ends, go home and live a normal person life.

Edited by HunterHunted
  • Love 9
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cherry slushie

cherry slushie

(edited)

Touch in public.

I think that one of the reasons that this group is still delusionally chasing their big break is because they're really Midwestern. Sandoval is from Missouri. Schwartz is from Minnesota. Jax and Kristen are from Michigan. Katie and Lala are from Utah (yes, I know it's not the Midwest). I think if they had grown up closer to LA or NYC they'd would have gotten a clue that's it's not happening for them. Scheana's from West Covina and it seems like she gets it. Save your money for now and when this ends, go home and live a normal person life.

I wonder if either of them are Mormon?  Not that it matters; just curious.  If I were to guess, I'd say Katie is.

Edited by cherry slushie
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Judi Sunshine

Judi Sunshine

(edited)

"Also, he takes them to turtle races? Not sure how I feel about this. How are the turtles cared for during the off time? Are they given performance enhancing drugs?"

I'm with you and think Kristen was too. I don't know that a turtle racing show was the best place to take someone who might not be preachy, but makes no secret of being a vegetarian, unless you know already that she's okay with that. 

Is every Bravo show going to end this season with non-brides in white dresses at bridal events? I can't wait for PebblesHairLala versus Kristen! Though I adore them both and am not on either side :-D

Edited by Judi Sunshine
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Misslindsey

Misslindsey

I could not stop laughing at the unintentional hilarity of everything to do with FI Tom's music video. The song and the video were so bad.

 

I did get a laugh out of Scheana saying that Sandoval would be way involved in the wedding planning, when Schwartz was saying that a lot of guys are not that interested in the planning of the wedding. I could so see Sandoval being all groomzilla while Ariana sulked in the corner.

 

 

And, of course, she and Kristen are just going to show up anyway. Can we say producer driven?

No kidding. I would be more surprised if they did not show up somewhere where they are not welcomed. Everyone on this show always crashes places/events where they are not invited. It would be more shocking if they did not go, but who are we kidding of course they are going! 

  • Love 2
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psychoticstate

psychoticstate

Also, what was Katie wearing that night? Chunky sweater and choker necklace? It's like Jax fucked 1996 and that's the result.

 

 

Best comment EVER.  Seriously.  I am still laughing.

 

I'm certain it's the latter. I really hope that Britanny is using Jax as some sort of stepping stool into "fame" of some sort. Because, if not, she is 10 kinds of pathetic.

 

 

I find even using Jax as a stepping stone at least 5 kinds of pathetic.  Isn't Jax basically the equivalent of OC's Slade? 

 

 

 

 

  • Love 4
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Dev

Dev

(edited)

Ariana won.  No.  Seriously.   Stassi was second and I think Katie or Lala came in third.  Scheana was dead last and mumbled "This poll can't be right, there's no way Kristen beat me."

Edited by Dev
  • Love 1
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Sun-Bun

Sun-Bun

(edited)

When Ariana and Stassi are voted as the Queen Bee's of this current cast, you start to wonder what kinds of morons are actually voting for these stupid polls...

On the flipside, it's funny to see how much everyone apparently agrees that Scheana is an annoyingly self-absorbed twat.

Edited by Sun-Bun
  • Love 5
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heatherchandler

heatherchandler

(edited)

When Ariana and Stassi are voted as the Queen Bee's of this current cast, you start to wonder what kinds of morons are actually voting for these stupid polls...

On the flipside, it's funny to see how much everyone apparently agrees that Scheana is an annoyingly self-absorbed twat.

 

When Andy brought up the poll in the beginning of the show, Kristin said, "there is no way Ariana or Lala will win."  Then Stassi is like, "well now you just ensured that they will." 

 

So, I think it was a case of - people doing that to mess with the girls that were there, after Kristin jinxed it.

 

I am pretty sure NO ONE in the world likes Ariana.  Or Lala.

 

Jax is such a self-saboteur.  I wonder if he realizes this, and wants to change.  He seems to want to mess up his life and then cry about it later.  Isn't that typical of a personality disorder? 

Edited by heatherchandler
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ScoobieDoobs

ScoobieDoobs

On WWHL, Satan Andy bragged about this article appearing-

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/06/magazine/letter-of-recommendation-vanderpump-rules.html?_r=0

 

Relevance to this ep?  Well, probably none.  It's just the timing of when it came out -- the day before this ep.  And how Satan Andy was bragging about it on WWHL, which seemed to be "packaged" along with this ep.  Interesting how the ep was shoved along with a clearly related WWHL AND the After Show gals, who I'm officially over, done with & sick of -- yet again.

  • Love 1
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Judi Sunshine

Judi Sunshine

"That music video shoot was something I both never want to see again and want to see every day for the rest of my life."

YES! It was like a Cannon Film.

"as soon as Jax is tired of feeling bad about something, all that goes out the window."

Wow. That is such a great way of putting it and it applies to Real Life As Well :o

"I had to rank Stassi this high for her (appropriately) withering disdain for turtle racing."

Seriously. That whole business was gross.

And I'm so glad you're always ranking Lala so highly, since I'm starting to feel gaslighted in my deep and abiding love for her!

  • Love 1
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Granimal

Granimal

(edited)

WTF? Excuse the rage post. I'm just frustrated that Ariana was so mean to Katie in her TH.

 

"Oh look at you you're so clever."  Ariana RE: Katie saying she hoped she didn't have to pretend to have too much fun. Oh because Ariana is so smart and witty. It was more clever than anything I've heard you say Ariana, Ms. Serious Comedian. (I did YouTube some of your College Humor videos, such as "Girl Buys Condoms" and "Really Hot Girl"- seems like you do take comedy very seriously, sorry for misjudging you- I'm sure no one else could have played those roles with you're special brand of...specialness. I feel like Tyra now, "We were all rooting for you!" I thought maybe I had been too hard on her before. I was trying to see some good in her, but no.

 

Screw Ari. I would never invite that horrible "friend" anywhere- let alone to my engagement party. All she does is put people down. If she's too good for this show and the people on it, then she can stop making her paychecks from it. If she weren't Tom's gf she wouldn't get invited anywhere at all with that attitude. She's a joyless soul sucker, who attempts to suck the life and fun out  of everyone around her- like some kind of fun-sucking vampire. I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but after her TH I saw RAGE. And mark my words, if she and Tom stay together his friendships will suffer- his friends have all but confirmed this. So I hope you have fun ruining your boyfriend's social life- hopefully he won't resent you too much. (Ah Tom- was a night at the Golden Nugget worth all this? I know you think of yourself as a nice guy, but don't stay with the person you cheated with to prove that it was meant to be or to punish yourself- learn from your mistake and move on. Hold up a peace sign next episode if Ariana's blackmailing you somehow.)

 

Lemme tell you, I have had severe debilitating depression and it didn't turn me into a condescending, know-it-all, terrible human being. I would have NEVER told my friends that I was just pretending to have fun around them. I would tell them that I was struggling emotionally with the passing of my father, and I was sorry for being a bad friend/wrapped up in myself.  No excuse if she even has depression (the Vulcan hasn't admitted to this). I don't think she has depression, I just think that she thinks she's too good for everyone and its just all about her and TOM. Now that she has Tom, who needs friends? And Tom is doubling down on his stupid mistake because omg Kristin sucks so much. The fact that these too only seem to act like a couple and Ariana comes alive when putting down Kristen is telling me everything I need to know.

 

I can't. I was trying to like Ariana, I wanted to give her a second shot, and its proven to be impossible.

 

In what alternate dimension is Ariana Queen B? Do these voters even watch the show? Even Stassi as a second choice is ??

 

I wish they had shown the entirety of the music video. I can't stand LaLa. I don't find Britney interesting. It was better when it was the original core group, with Scheana and Ariana trying to get in from the sidelines- and NO LaLa. 

 

Never mind- here is the video:

Is Arianna the one at the end that resists and finally shows her ass (lol)?

 

BTW: I thought Katie's body looked hawt in that SUR dress. No complaints here!

 

Lastly, not to be an Arianna about everything, but I HATE the band name Charles McMansion. Ugh. I get what they were going for, very late '90s with the name, but all I can do is picture horrible things when I hear that name. I think it's insensitive at best to make puns out of serial killers/ cult leader's names- why bring the scum of humanity even more attention? (No Ariana wasn't talking about you that time.) I guess I'm just a silly liberal who gets offended by everything, but they see- cool pun, and I see brutal senseless slaughter. (Not a fun band name IMO.) Though I am seriously considering playing this song at my wedding. Let's Touch in Public!

 

Which btw, I know its an imposition, but can I have my engagement party at your house?

 

LaLa- you're so progressive (when it serves you)! Blaming James' behavior on Kristen! Even where his penis ends up- all Kristen's fault. She must have seduced the poor innocent guy.

Edited by Granimal
  • Love 4
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ghoulina

ghoulina

Oh my gosh, Ariana is lke the opposite of sexy in that video. Her facial expressions would better suit Jax during one of his toilet conversations with Britanny. 

 

Tom needs a voice coach. His bandmate isn't a bad singer, but it's like Tom doesn't know what to do with his voice. It's very monotone and you can tell he's holding back. 

  • Love 1
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Elizabeth

Elizabeth

I wonder if either of them are Mormon?  Not that it matters; just curious.  If I were to guess, I'd say Katie is.

I can't believe I remember this, but Katie said on her AMA on Reddit that she is not Mormon. And I think Lala mentioned on one of episodes that she isn't Mormon either. 

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Ubiquitous

Ubiquitous

The musuicvid was OK, but it reminded me that those aren't dildos on that electric guitar; those are penis-shaped balloons. I don't mind the band name but I think "Charlie McMansion" flows off the tongue better.

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bref

bref

(edited)

If Katie were a Mormon, she'd be a pretty terrible one considering her fondness for tequila.

 

When Andy brought up the poll in the beginning of the show, Kristin said, "there is no way Ariana or Lala will win."  Then Stassi is like, "well now you just ensured that they will."

So, I think it was a case of - people doing that to mess with the girls that were there, after Kristin jinxed it. I am pretty sure NO ONE in the world likes Ariana.  

 

 

I do*. Although I suspect you're right about how she won the poll. :)

 

*I am also pretty sure Tom does.

Edited by bref
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