S03.E14: Wild Horses

[Primetimer]

Driven from Beverly Hills by his romantic and academic travails, Dylan ends up helping a rich weirdo out with her horses. That both is and is not a euphemism.

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[Primetimer]

It's the days of wine and bozos as Dylan meets Anne ('Her?') and Nikki confronts her past in our Beverly Hills, 90210 Visual Aids!

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[Petunia13]

Is that horse lady the one who played Evelyn Marsh on Twin Peaks? The woman who tried to coerce/ frame him for killing her husband. I'm getting Evelyn and James teas from her and Dylan.

Also she looks like the woman from Sleepwalkers or whatever the Stephen King movie with Madchen Amick where the mom and her incestous son are vampires who cats hate.

[lefawn]

I have no idea about Twin Peaks but Anne (her?) is played by Alice Krige the incestuous vampire mom from Sleepwalkers.

[spaceghostess]

Apropos of not very much, mention of Jim Walsh's chest hair reminds me that his massive ego and outdated doctoring killed President James Garfield. Det. Eames should've hauled him in for that.

[Tooch]

OMG, SLEEPWALKERS.

Maybe I'm just way too Team Brenda, but I still felt a little "oh, come on!" when Donna tried to make it seem like Brenda and Kelly were equally in the wrong. For calling Kelly a slut? Yes, Brenda was wrong. But for being pissed as fuck that her BFF moved in on her boyfriend a minute after they broke up? Come on!

At least she let Kelly have it too, but I still couldn't believe they made up so quickly.

[Qoass]

Yes, Petunia13, the Twin Peaks story is déjà vu all over again.

[Tooch]

Weird how they retconned Dylan's money. He tells Ann his trust fund has "hundreds of millions" in it. But when Jack kicks it it's 10 million. Then when he gets conned out of it (insert Nelson "ha ha!") it's become $8 million.

Jonesy takes half of it, which leaves him with $4 million, but they still act like he's this rich motherfucker. I'm just saying, I'd love to have $4 million, but it doesn't make you a Rockafellah, you know?

 

Edited to add: I know fuck all about horses but it's not like Shadowcaster was a Kentucky Derby winner--were freaking show jumpers really worth $1.4 million dollars in 1992?

Edited February 11, 2016 by Tooch

[gpgurl50]

This really was a packed episode. I didn't notice until you were going through all the storylines.

So, Anne really thought presumed poor criminal Dylan would be turned on by her story about how having so much money made her life hard? Really? I did get the vibe watching the episode that they banged. Somehow even while playing into a lie about his own identity, he got the moral high ground with a stranger selling something she owned? Oh Dylan. You were pretty likable in season 2.

[frogprof]

To me Alice Krige is and always will be the Gilbert & Sullivan actress who smarmed all over Ben Cross's Harold Abrams character from Chariots of Fire. Yes, I am old.

[StatMom]

I think I sprained a rib laughing at the 'working Shadowcaster' bit.

[kgjbnme]

Why does the horse gal look like Andy Samberg in the pic third from the bottom?

On a related note: I have HAD IT with these 30-something horse ladies seducing teenagers away from their silly HS girlfriends! I forgot the 9-0 storyline ever even happened, but I was sofa king pissed about all the time they wasted on stupid James and his stupid older horse lady girlfriend on Twin Peaks back in the day -- I wanted them to both die in a logging-truck-vs.-empty-horse-trailer accident out on Route 20 or whatever. Guuuuuuhhhhh.

[FozzyBear]

Oh god, Shadowcaster! I think this is the dumbest plot we see until Dylan's past life regression to the Wild West. Fucking, Dylan.

[Qoass]

Buh-bye, Sarah!

 

Tossing my very long hair insouciantly over my shoulder as I stride off...

[Bob Lassiter]

Anne (Her?)

Love it!

[cassandle]

I actually know a few guys who own bib/cavalry shirts like the one Dylan's wearing, BUT they wear them for Old West reenactments or Halloween costumes, not out in the real world. Unless they were eating dinner in 1881, there's no reason for that shirt.

[cassandle]

I've been thinking too much about this but wouldn't Hutch be in just as much trouble if it was found out that he gave Steve the LEGACY KEY! and was blackmailing him? If I was Steve I'd hold that over his head to keep him quiet.

[SoupThrower]

They banged. So Dylan basically leaves Kelly and Brenda to bang a 3rd woman. Like geez it's so wrong considering Ann would be like old and apparently Dylan is supposed to be 18. Kind of wished Dylan would stay there and David actually does something.

 

At least Brandon fights better than Dylan. One more episode to that horrible Christmas episodes. 

Edited February 11, 2016 by SoupThrower

[SoupThrower]

KEYTAR!!!!!

 

HE's not even the lead singer. To be fair I do think Brandon does care about David mainly as a little bro. The music is so different, it's sucky. :|

 

Ann looks scary on so many levels. Alos what was Dylan rambling on about at the end?

Edited February 11, 2016 by SoupThrower

[MissEwa]

They probably did bang, but on what Sarah said about the emotional kissing=sex thing on these shows, what bothers me more is that it's always depicted as kissing-then-sex and nothing in between. Like Tara said, it's unlikely that Dylan and Anne (...her?) got to third and then stopped, but these shows never even acknowledge third is a thing. You're either kissing, fully-clothes, maaaaaybe lying down on a bed, with some chaste hands-on-hips action, or you're having sex. I think this specifically applies to Donna and David but all of them do this and it's so unrealistic. 

 

I hate Anne, I already miss Nikki, even though I know she pops up one more time, and we're entering this long, extremely annoying period where it's all-Dylan-drama-all-the-time, with his women and his dad and his stupid autobiography and while thirteen-year-old me was all swoony over his angst, thirtysomething-me is already rolling her eyes. Ugh.

[MissEwa]

That "music enjoyment' gif is so great. From the (accidental, I think) synchronised Brandon-Donna clap-then-hands-down-and-nod-head to Nikki's overdoing it to Kelly's strange stoned bobbleheading, I just lost a good ten minutes.

[penguinnj]

 

Weird how they retconned Dylan's money. He tells Ann his trust fund has "hundreds of millions" in it. But when Jack kicks it it's 10 million. Then when he gets conned out of it (insert Nelson "ha ha!") it's become $8 million.

Jonesy takes half of it, which leaves him with $4 million, but they still act like he's this rich motherfucker. I'm just saying, I'd love to have $4 million, but it doesn't make you a Rockafellah, you know?

This always bugged me.  Then we he comes back for the last couple of seasons he seems to have a lot more money again- he buys the Peach Pit building which must cost a pretty penny just as a piece of real estate in Beverly Hills.

[marceline]

Is it wrong that the thing that upsets me most is that we've lost both Reek and Nikki in the last two eps. They were two of the best secondary (tertiary?) characters this show had. Of course maybe that has something to do with the fact they were paired with Brenda and Brandon.

Steve's non stop mea culpa(s) made no sense. If you didn't know what he did, you would swear he was a crack addict in East LA screwing random men bareback at truck stops.

It makes perfect sense that Dylan would be so attracted to Anne. She's the BORG QUEEN! Resistance is futile.

Edited February 12, 2016 by marceline

[Loren]

Clearly my brain is broken, because the Dylan / Anne (Her?) make-out session made me think only of this: Pee-Wee Herman making out with Valeria Golino in "Big Top Pee-Wee." Same setting and same level of ick factor, maybe?

http://www.picnicwit.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/Pee-Wee-Herman.-Big-Top-pee-wee-1988.kiss_-e1431962168866.jpg

[helent]

Alice Krige was also on Deadwood,

she was the madam friend of Joanie's, who set things up for Garret Dillahunt so he could indulge some particularly sadistic kink but it all ends badly and and the girl is killed, and she gets killed too

.

 

And when that's your main memory of an actor, it does tend to colour her other appearances...

Edited February 12, 2016 by helent

[LucyHoneychrrch]

Look, can we discuss the mullet on the 40-year-old standing next to David Arquette when he's blue-steeling Nikki? How old are these people supposed to be? Because dude is very obviously middle-aged.

As far as the Dylan subplot goes, it is so very obviously a rip-off of the terrible, TERRIBLE James subplot from Twin Peaks that someone should have sued. And nobody liked it when Twin Peaks did it a year earlier, so who in the name of Shadowcaster thought this was any kind of good idea?

[filmgirl]

They probably did bang, but on what Sarah said about the emotional kissing=sex thing on these shows, what bothers me more is that it's always depicted as kissing-then-sex and nothing in between. Like Tara said, it's unlikely that Dylan and Anne (...her?) got to third and then stopped, but these shows never even acknowledge third is a thing. You're either kissing, fully-clothes, maaaaaybe lying down on a bed, with some chaste hands-on-hips action, or you're having sex. I think this specifically applies to Donna and David but all of them do this and it's so unrealistic. 

 

I totally agree with you. I mean, I realize they can't show oral sex and excessive dry humping on the show, but it is weird that the show lives in a world where you are literally fucking or just making out. 

 

Also -- of course HE BANGED ANNE. He's Dylan and he gets to fuck whoever he wants without consequence (except maybe that girl in Paris...and I guess technically Toni tho I don't think that was a consequence of sex and just a consequence of her choosing to marry Dylan) because this show is centered around the idea that he is the ideal man. And it's why a generation of little girls grew up yearning for a bad boy, not realizing that this type of guy is just really the worst.

[KateeBar]

Are they just trying to make Brenda look hideous? Wow.

And while I won't say it would never happen..generally, million-dollar show jumpers aren't offered up to any old yahoo to gallop through fields in full Western regalia. That's not how any of that works. The idea is as ridiculous as Anne's jeans.

[Nanna]

Great episode. Of the podcast, that is, not the show itself. And a few judgemental thoughts: 1.: How would Brandon know how to fight that well? He's supposed to be a good guy, not someone who has been in a lot of fights in his life - and from what I've seen in real life, people who don't know how to fight but still try usually risk getting the shit kicked out of them. But well, Keytar was drunk, so maybe an easy target. 2. Why on earth would anyone with long hair wear their hair down when riding (or "working Shadowcaster")? And finally, 3: Steve, as someone else said: just threathen that janitor and say you'll tell on him - school staff blackmailing a student and selling them keys would not certainly be frowned upon by authorities, perhaps even moreso than a student "hacking".

[filmgirl]

Can we please talk about Doherty's eyebrows? Please? Because under bangs, they look fine. But they are so overplucked and tweezed that when she tries to do the no bang face thing, it really just looks bad. Who did this to her? Was ShanDo mean to hair and makeup?

[TorrinPaige]

As a person with ridiculous renfaire hair, I was crushed to find out that Sarah didn't approve of my life choices. Crushed, I tell you. And then she elaborated that it wasn't the length, per se, that was agitating, it was the ridiculous hair flipping that was annoying her. Girl, yes. I hate that shit, too. (Also, even though I have ridiculously long hair, I do, in fact, do things with it. I have an entire damned YT channel all about how to get it up and out of the way in interesting ways.) So basically, thank you for not hating me, Sarah.

[Panda Bear]

I'm so happy to see "The Slap" gif again! I watched all eight episodes of that thing just for the hilarious "Who most deserved to be slapped this week?" recaps here. 

[Bob Lassiter]

Look, can we discuss the mullet on the 40-year-old standing next to David Arquette when he's blue-steeling Nikki? How old are these people supposed to be? Because dude is very obviously middle-aged.

 

Took the words outta my mouth!  They should set him up with Andrea.

Gotta go work a Shadowcaster now...

Edited February 12, 2016 by Bob Lassiter

[profreader]

I keep wondering what the actress who played Nikki would have been like as Ohndrea... for starters, convincingly-ish high school age.

And... sorry Shannen Doherty ... but the GIF of the "shifty eyes" Brenda makes me see the off-kilter-ness of her eyes like I've never really seen before... whoa.

[Petunia13]

She said "So that's it!?! Wham Bam thank you ma'am?" That whatever quotation/idiom is only used to take about a sexual brush off or French exit so Dylan and Ann (her?) definitely fucked.

Arrested Development jokes always win my heart.

Brandon is practically as abusive and controlling as Diesel.

Listening to many of these i have found my opinions are generally in line with Ms Bunting. I have long hair and am half Native American, but feel loooong hair is impractical and when an adult woman has hair down to her ass or man has waist length tresses it makes as much of a statement as having purple hair. It gives kinda a crystal gayle image or can look bohemian. JMHO el em en oh pee.

[Sarah D. Bunting]

Well, and is Anne (...her?) TRYING to get that shit caught on a branch? Braids. Get the knack. And stop flinging it around, I'm eating.

 

This is one of those aggravating-circumstance things (as it were) where I wouldn't notice/care about her tresses if she weren't already standing on my nerves in golf spikes. Thank you, long-haired listeners, for understanding what I meant.

[Jmallory]

I could be in the minority but I thought Brenda looked great! I always like her hair without the bangs. <br />Brandon always wins a fight!! No matter who he is fighting. Always annoyed me.

[AndySmith]

I think she looks better without the bangs too, Jmallory. Jennie Garth as well.

Edited February 14, 2016 by AndySmith

[SoupThrower]

I think I might see Anne's creepy smile in my nightmares for like ever. It's scarier than the Joker. 

[MostlyC]

I think the show left it ambiguous (they got into trouble with Brenda having sex, using the word bimbo instead of slut).  But dude, they totally did it.

 

Dylan,is  sexually frusterated because he and Brenda weren't having sex (cue Prom/Pregnancy episodes) and Kelly demurring, you think he's going to pass up on a woman coming onto him like a tornado?  They were working Shadowcaster, and good.

 

I don't understand the storyline, other than Dylan having sex with a wealthy woman.  What lesson were we supposed to learn?  I'm still confused by the whole thing.

 

Dylan's trust fund shrank then grew, and by the time he came back for the last few seasons it was definitely back into the 100s of millions.

 

The Brenda/Kelly fights continue to be awesome.

 

Niki/Deisal/Brandon- they passed up the opportunity to explore the complexity about abusive relationships.  It was all about Brandon, and not as much about Nikki.

 

This podcast was 1000% better than the episode. 

 

 

Remember folks, people who drink black coffee are terminally cool and cynical and wounded.  Add cigarettes and they will magically turn into an emo song and shatter into a thousand pieces until the right person comes along to save them.

[lottiedottie]

I'm just wondering why MVP didn't go to the obvious--Should have been Shadowcaster.

[desertflower]

Can we please talk about Doherty's eyebrows? Please? Because under bangs, they look fine. But they are so overplucked and tweezed that when she tries to do the no bang face thing, it really just looks bad. Who did this to her? Was ShanDo mean to hair and makeup?

I remember there was a reunion special (10 year, maybe?) where Shannen was remarking about her appearance in the first couple of seasons and she joked that it was before she learned about plucking her eyebrows. But obviously she overcompensated for it later!

[heshy]

Shannen was The Craft before The Craft.

http://i38.tinypic.com/inho4l.jpg

I tried to find a band with a keytarist for my wedding. Sadly, they are quite difficult to find.

[STOPSHOUTING]

How did I just now realize that Nikki is the original Audrey from Vacation?!?!? She must be eternally youthful, because there is a good decade-plus between these two teenage acting appearances.