S03.E09: Making Memories

[sisterscouch]

Ashley and Sam may have prevented David and Neil from getting a good match. Of course we will never know but I keep wondering what the runner up was like.

These "experts" are sure giving Ash and Sam more of a pass than they did Davina.

Good call. I always thought that Davina took the brunt of that situation from the experts. How they couldn't tell that Sean was the most phony person alive and give Davina a little bit of credit for sensing it is beyond me. 

I was confused by the previews from last week showing Tres and Vanessa at the Sip-n-stroke. They made it seem like their was going to be a problem but they had a great date. I almost wonder if the previews with David asking out another girl is going to be an unnecessary "cliffhanger" for these previews and it's really all going to be a work thing or a misunderstanding. Considering David has put so much effort and energy in to Ashley, I find it hard to believe that he would jeopardize this relationship with only 2 weeks left. We will see....

 

I wonder what scent of wax Sam melted after her and Neil's "intimacy excercise" epic fail? 

 

[sarkygal]

It's only a matter of time before Vanessa screws her marriage up too. She's too insecure & for some reason, she just doesn't seem to really trust Tres. He's never given her a reason not to, he's a great guy too, as far as I can tell. (I wish there were more guys like Neil, David, & Tres, especially around where I live!)

 

 

I've been trying to figure Tres & Vanessa out and I think I finally get it. I don't think Tres is necessarily a horndog/player type. He seems to be a good natured fairly typical 20-something guy who's been doted on by the women in his life. He gives affection easily and is mostly amiable and laid back. I think of the two, he is the most likely to want to stay in the marriage at decision time. 

 

Vanessa on the other hand has major abandonment issues. She's overcompensating for that by moving things along faster than she should. I get the feeling that because he's her husband, she's already falling in love with him and naively assumes they're moving at the same pace. Tres seems to genuinely like her and is committed to making the marriage work. Vanessa on the other hand, seems to feel it should work right away. It's almost like she's assuming emotional safety when she shouldn't. Her trust issues are not completely warranted in my opinion, but she has 2 modes. All in or he's a player out to hurt her.

 

Tres is the kind of guy that is openly emotional with the women in his life. From what we've seen, he's the only husband who's letting his wife into his everyday life (conversations with grandma, etc), but I feel Vanessa is assuming that's what any husband would do, while not really seeing that he is still getting to know her and fall for her organically. She has very romanticized ideas of what marriage is and I'm guessing she's one of those women who assume marriage fixes/legitimizes any relationship. Their dynamic is the most fascinating to me, mostly cause the other 2 couples are just a hot mess. 

Edited January 28, 2016 by sarkygal

[IvySpice]

 

Jumping in to defend the boxes!!

My issue isn't that things in boxes can't taste good. My issue is that you don't present the box crap as "Let me introduce you to Jewish culture," SAM.

[Snarklepuss]

So, respect and kindness were her only expectations, David is doing that - then she says, "It's not what she expected." Does she know he definition of expectations? She expected to be treated with "respect and kindness" - yet apparently finds those qualities repulsive.

 

I'm beginning to think that the best saying to apply to Ashley is, "Be careful what you wish for, you just may get it".  She may be another commitment-phobic type like Sean was last season in her own way.  I have to wonder about a woman who was involved with a guy for 9 years at her age and didn't get married to him.  Now I realize that relationship could have ended for any number of reasons but I'm starting to feel like perhaps both of them or at least she was too phobic about commitment and kept the guy at an emotional arms length so the whole thing fell apart eventually.  Where Ashley is concerned, it would be a classic commitment-phobic reaction to be presented with pretty much what she asked for in David but find nothing to like about him and just completely withdraw lest she let herself find things to like about the guy and (GASP) might have to honor the commitment she just made to him.  A commitment, by the way, that feels like a crushing weight upon her so bad that she can't breathe let alone act like a human being to David.

 

I know it sounds counter-intuitive that a commitment-phobe would actively seek marriage, but they do all the time.  They really do want to be committed to someone deep down but have so many conflicts with it that they end up sabotaging any good relationship they have.  Sometimes they try to "fix" this tendency by actually pushing for marriage with the next relationship just to get it over with because they can't seem to handle forming a real relationship with someone over time and ending up married.  So they seek the quick-fix fantasy solution.  Then when they actually do it, they FREAK and shut down or run away as fast as possible.  They will find everything wrong with the person and not let themselves open up to them one bit.  I said all this with Sean too if I remember.  I think this might also apply to Ashley.  She went into this thinking, "This time I'll definitely end up married", as if jumping into the deep end of the pool would solve her commitment phobia by forcing marriage as the first step before she could find reasons to want to back out.  Unfortunately she didn't realize that this approach wouldn't solve the inner conflicts that lead to her commitment-phobia in the first place, in fact it would only make them WORSE.  I think Ashley is completely shut down because she is being forced by contracts to stay committed to someone when that is the most frightening thing she has ever felt in her entire LIFE.  Realizing that she is actually MARRIED to this guy is blowing her mind and that in and of itself is enough to shut her down to even the most perfect guy in every way, especially in finding fault with his attractiveness.  She thought getting married would "poof" solve the problem in one fell swoop, but it did not, it only turned her into a basket case.

[SFoster21]

Can I just make a suggestion here? Really interesting things are happening on Nelyweds: The First Year (Bravo, 10 pm Wed) and no one is posting! Yall should check it out!

[ketose]

cpcathy, on 27 Jan 2016 - 2:48 PM, said:

BTW, I missed David/Ashley's wedding photos, how horrific were they?

 

David suggested they could be on a Buzzfeed list of awkward wedding photos. I think T'Pring is just being weird. I kind of agree with posters who think she might be afraid that she'd accidentally have sex with David if she gave him half a chance like Jackie or Jamie. 

 

As for Tres' Dorito salad: SODIUM! (Taco shells are not Doritos, Tres!)

Actually Taco Bell, the home of authentic Mexican food, uses taco shells made of Doritos (now in Cool Ranch!) in a lot of items.

 

I actually wonder if the editing monkeys visited Sam this weeks. It seems like there were a lot of soup cut aways during Neil's talk. Maybe she was looking at him but the show thought it would be more entertaining to see her eating soup instead.

[egnever]

And it didn't satisfy him. He's such a whiner and complainer. Nothing would ever be enough for him.

I loath to have any thing in common with these "experts", but I feel like I have to emphasize that they're married. Allegedly, these are real, legally binding marriages.

 

In that context, I don't think it's too much to expect her to put in some degree of effort into the relationship. Not being able to text? Hug? Say nice things? These aren't difficult or excessive demands even for casual friends. It would be one thing if he was expecting something outlandish, but I think David has handled his sham marriage about as well as can reasonably be expected. He's clearly putting in way more than she is and I think he's finally at the end of his rope. Good on him. Get out of that relationship with the quickness. I hope he's texting some nice lady who will actually show some level of basic human emotion, respect, and communication.

 

If you think he's whining and complaining excessively, I'm really curious what you think he should be doing. Give up? Check out? Take off his wedding band and slip off in the middle of the night never to be seen from again? Take the midnight train going anywhere?

 

I don't even blame Ashley in this matter. The "experts" should honestly be ashamed of themselves. Why would you pit an uninteresting gynoid with someone who's on the needy/sensitive end and loves the idea of romance and probably needs the occasional bit of reinforcement? It's clear they were never compatible, even if Ashley was miraculously attracted to him. David clearly needs a kind of woman that can express romantic feelings, communicate thoughts effectively, and—most importantly—is willing to spend quality time with him. Ashley is ambien blank. This was never going to work in any capacity.

 

On a semi-related note (yes, apparently they were in the episode too), Tres and Vanessa looked cute together.

[Snarklepuss]

The "experts" should honestly be ashamed of themselves. Why would you pit an uninteresting gynoid with someone who's on the needy/sensitive end and loves the idea of romance and probably needs the occasional bit of reinforcement? It's clear they were never compatible, even if Ashley was miraculously attracted to him. David clearly needs a kind of woman that can express romantic feelings, communicate thoughts effectively, and—most importantly—is willing to spend quality time with him. Ashley is ambien blank. This was never going to work in any capacity.

 

ITA.  I even think David paired with almost anyone except perhaps Sam would have been a better match.  David and Jaclyn, or David and Vanessa, while not the ideal best matches for him would have been much better than Ashley!

[LennieBriscoe]

Actually Taco Bell, the home of authentic Mexican food, uses taco shells made of Doritos (now in Cool Ranch!) in a lot of items.

 

This is snark, right?

 

Take the midnight train going anywhere?

 

Gotta love a Journey allusion on this...journey!

 

Sure, Ashley was ready to marry---HER TYPE. EOS.

Edited January 28, 2016 by Drogo
Quote formatting issues.

[qtpye]

Good call. I always thought that Davina took the brunt of that situation from the experts. How they couldn't tell that Sean was the most phony person alive and give Davina a little bit of credit for sensing it is beyond me.

 

 

The experts hated Davina, because she called them out on their shitty match making skills.  Sam hates Neil, but she always good about kissing up to the expert.  She knows how to brown nose and it has probably helped her professionally.

 

The experts really screwed sweet Jacklyn by setting her up to be once again humiliated by basement Ryan.  The forced her to agree to a dinner with him (when she realized he had long ago checked out, (man did not feed her cat for days, when she was on a trip) and he did not even bother to show up.

[Neurochick]

Exactly.

To imply that Ashley's behavior is probably because of her brain tumor as an infant is actually quite insulting to people with brain injuries. 

Ashley doesn't act like that with other people, only with David.

And in my experience, very few people with brain disabilities are cruel like Ashley.

 

Just want to say, not necessarily true.  I have a friend who had a stroke many years ago and for a few months her filter went bye bye, meaning she said exactly what she was thinking, not always nice.  The difference was, she knew that and she'd warn people.  If Ashley's tumor was affecting her ability to relate to others, I doubt she would have been cast, and if cast, she'd made people aware of that.  "Look David, I have trouble with ____ because of my injury."  If Ashley had that tumor decades ago, she'd have some self awareness about it.  So no, I don't believe her tumor is causing her reactions.

 

However, I do think there is something psychologically going on with Sam unless she's acting like that because she has "fame-whore-itus."

Edited January 28, 2016 by Neurochick

[Vinyasa]

In his talking heads, David keeps saying he's frustrated with Ashley and him being just best friends. Best friends???

 

Exactly! That cracks me up.

 

She pays more attention to the dog than David. He is miles away from even being on her radar!

I couldn't stop thinking about the taco salad!  So I made on last night and use blue corn chips.

It was really good!

Edited January 28, 2016 by Vinyasa

[Drogo]

Some folks may need a refresher in how to quote a post.  Here you go.

[Vivigirl10]

 

She is going to sob about how she is "trying so hard"

This is exactly what is going to happen (related to David texting another woman).  Followed immediately by some surprise revelation that she was going to tell David that she loved him that very day!  And now she is devastated!  Wait for it.......

[Pepper Mostly]

The experts hated Davina, because she called them out on their shitty match making skills.  Sam hates Neil, but she always good about kissing up to the expert.  She knows how to brown nose and it has probably helped her professionally.

 

The experts really screwed sweet Jacklyn by setting her up to be once again humiliated by basement Ryan.  The forced her to agree to a dinner with him (when she realized he had long ago checked out, (man did not feed her cat for days, when she was on a trip) and he did not even bother to show up.

Am I the only one who thinks Jaclyn should move to Atlanta and hook up with Neil? I think they'd be a great pair! Jackie loves to laugh and Neil's dry wit would have her in stitches. She's outgoing and verbal, she and Neil would sit up talking all night then go out to breakfast together. He's laid back but likes to be around people who are lively. I think there's potential!

[Gigi43]

Good call. I always thought that Davina took the brunt of that situation from the experts. How they couldn't tell that Sean was the most phony person alive and give Davina a little bit of credit for sensing it is beyond me. I was confused by the previews from last week showing Tres and Vanessa at the Sip-n-stroke. They made it seem like their was going to be a problem but they had a great date. I almost wonder if the previews with David asking out another girl is going to be an unnecessary "cliffhanger" for these previews and it's really all going to be a work thing or a misunderstanding. Considering David has put so much effort and energy in to Ashley, I find it hard to believe that he would jeopardize this relationship with only 2 weeks left. We will see....

 

This episode was the second time now Tres and Vanessa had that kind of really misleading preview edit. They hyped Vanessa being mad Tres took a work call during lunch a few weeks back like it was a huge problem. When the episode aired and it came and went in the beginning with a "too bad but whatever he has to make money obviously" attitude from Vanessa followed by the rest of the episode not bringing it up again and having fun with their friends. I'm holding judgement on David and the message until it airs since previews can be especially untrustworthy.

As for Davina, first I think Cilona was the first to be unprofessional and seemed to like Sean (for some reason) and Davina made the fatal error of actually cracking the 4th Wall and try to convay Sean was only interested in the cameras which is a no-no no matter how accurate.

[Lola16]

 

If you think he's whining and complaining excessively, I'm really curious what you think he should be doing. Give up? Check out? Take off his wedding band and slip off in the middle of the night never to be seen from again? Take the midnight train going anywhere?

Stop whining and stop complaining.  What is he, 5?  When does that work to get the desired effect?  David says he wants to talk about the relationship.  So Ashley starts the conversation and then he shuts down.  IMO, he's like a child.  He wants to decide when and what they talk about.  And he whines relentlessly otherwise.  The tantrum he threw on the 23rd anniversary of his dad's death (really 20+ years later), was a good insight into how he handles things.  Like a 5 year old.

[MsPH]

David: I want to make you happy. I want to be the best husband in the world.

Dr. Atheist: Ashley, how does that make you feel.

Ashley: (computing possible responses) Okay.

David's face says it all - he's not sad, not mad, he's finally done. Good for him.

 

Thanks for reminding me of that bit. I just wanted to shake her! I thought what he said was really sweet and earnest and all she could say was "Okay". That's all she ever has to say to anything in addition to "I can't do this" and "This is hard". Even Greg looked like he was thinking "Seriously? That's all?".

[Neurochick]

Stop whining and stop complaining.  What is he, 5?  When does that work to get the desired effect?  David says he wants to talk about the relationship.  So Ashley starts the conversation and then he shuts down.  IMO, he's like a child.  He wants to decide when and what they talk about.  And he whines relentlessly otherwise.  The tantrum he threw on the 23rd anniversary of his dad's death (really 20+ years later), was a good insight into how he handles things.  Like a 5 year old.

 

Maybe it's "so overwhelming" for David, just like everything seems to be for Ashley.

[Waterlilly]

Ok I just have to say this. My mother died when I was 7, I am now 60, I have NEVER stopped missing and mourning that lose. It has had an impact on relationships and when I was David's age a lot of emotion. I never had that parent to advise me and comfort me when things were tough. There were times that my melt down didn't make sense to my spouse or friends. I am not a nut case or find these feelings unreasonable. Just sayin. This experience can leave you insecure and everyone will handle it differently. I'm gonna cut David some slack on this one.

[Gator Stud]

Am I the only one who thinks Jaclyn should move to Atlanta and hook up with Neil? I think they'd be a great pair! Jackie loves to laugh and Neil's dry wit would have her in stitches. She's outgoing and verbal, she and Neil would sit up talking all night then go out to breakfast together. He's laid back but likes to be around people who are lively. I think there's potential!

And they are both half Indian so she won't have to tolerate somebody insulting her heritage. If I was single I would try hooking up with her. She is my type of fun gal. Besides her laugh, I have no issues with her.

[Empress1]

Ok I just have to say this. My mother died when I was 7, I am now 60, I have NEVER stopped missing and mourning that lose. It has had an impact on relationships and when I was David's age a lot of emotion. I never had that parent to advise me and comfort me when things were tough. There were times that my melt down didn't make sense to my spouse or friends. I am not a nut case or find these feelings unreasonable. Just sayin. This experience can leave you insecure and everyone will handle it differently. I'm gonna cut David some slack on this one.

I agree. I don't think we have a right to dictate how others grieve. If David's grief was so crippling that he couldn't get out of bed 20 years later, then yes, he should seek some help. But that's clearly not the case - he has close friends, a social life, is gainfully employed. He just misses his dad, moreso on certain days. I think that's totally within bounds.

 

Thanks for reminding me of that bit. I just wanted to shake her! I thought what he said was really sweet and earnest and all she could say was "Okay". That's all she ever has to say to anything in addition to "I can't do this" and "This is hard". Even Greg looked like he was thinking "Seriously? That's all?".

I forgot about that too. I was like " ... Seriously?" I thought that was a really sweet thing to say and she's like "Meh." I don't even think she looked at him when she said it. She couldn't come up with ANYTHING else to say? Even "That's so nice" or something? That's just bad home training.

 

The whole purpose of this show/experiment is that you as a person suck at finding a match for yourself, hence why you were desperate enough to go on this program in the first place (it really is a Catch 22, isn't it).  You put your trust in the "experts" and understand that the person they pick for you might not be your cup of tea, but since you suck at picking a partner, are supposed to give it the old college try, because the experts understand what you need better then you do.

I'm not sure I agree that they all suck at picking partners. Sometimes life just doesn't go the way you planned. Sometimes people do foul shit that comes out of the blue. (I have an acquaintance who was in a long relationship that ended completely out of the blue when the guy dumped her over the phone when she was out of the country for work. She thought she was going to marry him. She's now been married for 5 years - got married at 39. First marriage for her, second for her husband.) Sometimes people live in cities where the odds aren't in their favor (Atlanta and NYC both have more single women than single men, so there aren't enough single straight men to go around). I don't think all single people are single because they suck. And with Tres and Vanessa, they're young - there's nothing weird about being single at 26, IMO.

 

(But I was telling one of my best friends about this show, who is also single, and she was like " ... You're not thinking of doing that, are you?" I was like, girl, please, you know me better than that!)

 

I do agree that Ashley and David are nowhere close to best friends. They're basically Craigslist roommates.

[Crazy Bird Lady]

Just want to say, not necessarily true.  I have a friend who had a stroke many years ago and for a few months her filter went bye bye, meaning she said exactly what she was thinking, not always nice.  The difference was, she knew that and she'd warn people.  If Ashley's tumor was affecting her ability to relate to others, I doubt she would have been cast, and if cast, she'd made people aware of that.  "Look David, I have trouble with ____ because of my injury."  If Ashley had that tumor decades ago, she'd have some self awareness about it.  So no, I don't believe her tumor is causing her reactions.

 

However, I do think there is something psychologically going on with Sam unless she's acting like that because she has "fame-whore-itus."

 

Just wanted to point out that she quoted me saying: "And in my experience, very few people with brain disabilities are cruel like Ashley."

It does depend on what part of the brain was damaged. I agree with Neurochick that there are people who, because of a stroke or whatever, say exactly what they're thinking -even if it isn't nice. But as a nurse, I've met quite a number of people suffering with brain injuries -- and that 'no filter' problem is quite rare. It's more likely for them to have difficulty speaking/expressing themselves, and/or physical limitations. 

 

In any case, I agree with Neurochick's conclusion that brain damage clearly isn't the reason Ashley is the way she is. She is reasonably charismatic when she's talking with the experts, and sometimes when she's speaking alone to the camera. Is she a fame whore? Probably. 

Did she want a husband to pay her bills so she wouldn't have to work? Obviously.

[ProzacQueen]

Ashley and Sam may have prevented David and Neil from getting a good match. Of course we will never know but I keep wondering what the runner up was like.

These "experts" are sure giving Ash and Sam more of a pass than they did Davina.

I loved Davina last season, and could never figure out, why she got so much hate. I loved her, because she was so direct, and to the point, and could smell Sean's BS from a mile away. I think the "experts" hated her, mainly because she wasn't buying what they were selling, and that she was able to fend for herself, especially in regards to communication. Her laying into Sean about the moving thing, was the best argument ever, because you knew, that she knew, he had no intention of moving, and hoped whoever married him, would just cave and live in NJ. She is still my most favorite cast member to date.

 

Moving on to this farce of a season, heck farce of a show. For the life of me, I can not take this show seriously, and believe that any of them, will fall in love and live happily ever after, with each other. I have seen the trainwreck Married the First Year, and have come to the conclusion, that once the paychecks stop coming in, everyone will go their separate ways. I just watch it now, to see how dysfunctional all the couples are, and to see how their relationships implode. Plus, there is a wee confidence boost too. After being married for nearly 13 years, and still screwing things up once in awhile, with this show, I am able to say with confidence, "at least I'm not as bad as these people".

 

This past episode, just got on my nerves, so I barely paid attention to it. I know Sam and Neil cooked dinner together, which was a total 180, from last week, where she was kicking him out of the house. I know I heard a lot of bleating coming from Ashley, and David blurting out various delusions. I know Tres and Vanessa were doing their cutesy "we're so in like with each other" stuff. I'm pretty sure I heard some variation of "but we are strangers" at some point, lest we forget the premise of the show. Though, lets be honest, after almost four weeks, they aren't technically "strangers" anymore, they have moved into, at the very least "acquaintances" territory.

[qtpye]

'm not sure I agree that they all suck at picking partners. Sometimes life just doesn't go the way you planned. Sometimes people do foul shit that comes out of the blue. (I have an acquaintance who was in a long relationship that ended completely out of the blue when the guy dumped her over the phone when she was out of the country for work. She thought she was going to marry him. She's now been married for 5 years - got married at 39. First marriage for her, second for her husband.) Sometimes people live in cities where the odds aren't in their favor (Atlanta and NYC both have more single women than single men, so there aren't enough single straight men to go around). I don't think all single people are single because they suck. And with Tres and Vanessa, they're young - there's nothing weird about being single at 26, IMO.

 

 

This is a valid point.  Certainly not all single people suck at picking partners. Personally, I think it is better to be single then with someone who treats you with no respect.

 

However, this does not apply to the participants of this show.  They all have actively admitted that they need help in the romantic department and that is why they are on this show...to follow the advise of experts who know better than them.

 

 

But I was telling one of my best friends about this show, who is also single, and she was like " ... You're not thinking of doing that, are you?" I was like, girl, please, you know me better than that!)

 

 

Exactly my point.  You are single, but not unhappy with your situation.  I am sure that you would be happy to meet the right person and are probably going about it in the right way.  The people on this show are admitting that what they are doing is not working and hence the blind marriage.

 

I think people get too much crap (particularly women) for being single.  I know, back in the day, being married was the most important thing for a woman to do..but now women have many more options in life.

[Drogo]

I got some unexpected company for portions of this episode. 

 

Me: "This is a show about people who let strangers pick out their husband or wife."

My 9 year old:  "Oh good, because that doesn't sound like the worst idea anyone ever had, ever."

 

and then

 

My beloved:  "Do you think the experts would have matched you with me?"

Me:  "No, they would have gotten one look at you and tried to keep you for themselves."

 

[ProzacQueen]

I got some unexpected company for portions of this episode. 

 

Me: "This is a show about people who let strangers pick out their husband or wife."

My 9 year old:  "Oh good, because that doesn't sound like the worst idea anyone ever had, ever."

 

and then

 

My beloved:  "Do you think the experts would have matched you with me?"

Me:  "No, they would have gotten one look at you and tried to keep you for themselves."

 

You're beloved is much sweeter than mine, though mine lets his snark shine.

 

When I asked mine that, I got "you wouldn't have even been cast". I asked him why and he said "the people have more issues than National Geographic, and you don't. You are too "normal" for this show".

[Jack Sampson]

This is exactly what is going to happen (related to David texting another woman).  Followed immediately by some surprise revelation that she was going to tell David that she loved him that very day!  And now she is devastated!  Wait for it.......

And today was the day she was going to go from not holding his hand to having crazy sex.

[Palomar]

I think people matched with nightmares, like Davina, Jaclyn, Neil and David, should be given a date with their runners-up as a consolation prize :)

 

Or, all the divorcees and runners up could meet up as a group....something like MAFS in Paradise.  Hey, there have been several match ups from Bachelor/ettes "alumni".

[DangerousMinds]

I loath to have any thing in common with these "experts", but I feel like I have to emphasize that they're married. Allegedly, these are real, legally binding marriages.

 

 

 

 

Thank you!!! Yes they are.

[DangerousMinds]

This is a valid point.  Certainly not all single people suck at picking partners. Personally, I think it is better to be single then with someone who treats you with no respect.

 

However, this does not apply to the participants of this show.  They all have actively admitted that they need help in the romantic department and that is why they are on this show...to follow the advise of experts who know better than them.

 

 

 

Exactly my point.  You are single, but not unhappy with your situation.  I am sure that you would be happy to meet the right person and are probably going about it in the right way.  The people on this show are admitting that what they are doing is not working and hence the blind marriage.

 

I think people get too much crap (particularly women) for being single.  I know, back in the day, being married was the most important thing for a woman to do..but now women have many more options in life.

You can also being fully committed to another person, even for a lifetime, without being legally married. There really are far more options today.

[Tara Ariano]

In case you missed it, here's the Previously.TV post on the episode!

 

Thanks A Latke, Marriage Experts!
The Married At First Sight couples 'make memories' together by eating, drinking, and bickering (...so much bickering). Who fared the best and worst this week?

[Vinyasa]

I do agree that Ashley and David are nowhere close to best friends. They're basically Craigslist roommates.

 

Ha!   Craigslist roommates would stay at same house overnight. Ashley isn't staying at that house with David.

 

I'd say they are Craigslist roommates when the film crew is there!

[Empress1]

Exactly my point.  You are single, but not unhappy with your situation.  I am sure that you would be happy to meet the right person and are probably going about it in the right way.  The people on this show are admitting that what they are doing is not working and hence the blind marriage.

I'm actually taking a break from dating right now to heal after a breakup, which, for me, is "going about it the right way" - I think it's good to reset the system that way.  But yes, I eventually hope to have romantic love in my life again. And I would let someone set me up on a blind DATE - hell, internet dating is basically blind dating - but a blind marriage? Hell to the naw.

 

As has been said, they're MARRIED. I would never in a million years do this, for about a million different reasons, but they did it, they MARRIED strangers. And the entire design of the experiment means you put in more work than you would with a date or a boyfriend, because marriage (or a long-term, committed relationship) is serious. Ashley was like "Welp, I don't think he's cute, so [shrug]" and basically opted out, and you kind of don't get to do that when you're married. I mean, she CAN, and of course they will split at the end of the six weeks, but she shouldn't, and she should have been prepared to try to look past the physical - especially when she said she wanted to try doing that in the first place.

[seasick]

I have to say this.  Most will likely not agree but this is my take on what I now believe about Ashley. I've said it before, but must say it again:

 

Point blank--there is something 'not right" with this girl.   From Day 1 her reactions have been extremely strange and even

bizarre.  That is why after every episode the posts (including mine) were WTF???  Ashley!  Her responses are SO weird, So odd...so off the chart.  No wonder there are pages and pages of WTF is she thinking..doing on this show, and what the hell is wrong with her??  

 

The blank, vacant stares after the wedding--  Her tortured responses to simple questions.."How do you rate this honeymoon?"   "oh I don't normally rate stuff like that"  What??  Just say it was fun or awkward or something!!!!! Make something up!!   What the hell is wrong with you??  It just goes on and on with the weirdest responses.  

 

She did something in this last episode that was so jaw dropping to me (and she has shocked me every episode so this one got me)  that I have come to believe that I can no longer judge this girl by any standard of normal. It was a small, subtle thing, but it spoke volumes to me.  There is something not right--not normal--with this girl..  Maybe she can talk "about" things but not immediately when confronted --I don't know!  But there is something that just isn't normal in that head.   I am no longer convinced that she is just being rude,  cold, cruel, pissy because she didn't get what she wanted, in it for the money--  whatever.   Although by normal standards it appears that these are her motivations,  and any kind, intelligent person would not act that way--  I can no longer assign those things to what's going on with Ashley.  

 

In some ways her intelligence is a clue.  A normal, intelligent person would be able to handle these situations with far more finesse.  Could talk--explain, have an intelligent conversation with David. (frankly she doesn't do that great with the experts, either) Be able to even bullshit a little if need be.  Skirt around issues with humor.  None of that.  No.  There is something missing there.  

I have my theories as to what I think it is but it doesn't matter.  I no longer see her as cold, rude spoiled etc..There's a very abnormal  "incapability" there. 

[Neurochick]

Exactly my point.  You are single, but not unhappy with your situation.  I am sure that you would be happy to meet the right person and are probably going about it in the right way.  The people on this show are admitting that what they are doing is not working and hence the blind marriage.

I think people get too much crap (particularly women) for being single.  I know, back in the day, being married was the most important thing for a woman to do..but now women have many more options in life.

 

 

The thing with some of these people on the show is, I wonder if they truly want to be married.  I mean they say they do, but even today some people feel as if they're "supposed" to be married by a certain age, supposed to have children by a certain age, etc.  I would not be surprised that if some of these people really thought about it, they might not want to be married at this point, or even at all.

 

I think a lot of this is a crapshoot.  I mean two women go out to a dance, one meets the man of her dreams, the other meets the man of her nightmares.  Both women did the same thing, neither one did anything wrong.  What I think people don't want to admit, because the thought can be scary, is that sometimes life just happens.  Things happen you can't control and no one is to blame.  

[ProzacQueen]

Meh, at the end of the day, this is just another reality TV show, and we all know how "real", reality TV is. 

[henrysmom]

 

The thing with some of these people on the show is, I wonder if they truly want to be married.

 

It could be that they want to be married, just have divergent ideas on what marriage is and what it can do for them.  Take David for example.  He says he wants to find somebody he can eat pizza in bed with.  No problem with that.  I don't think you have to be married for that, but okay.  But what I think he is really saying is that he wants a friend, he wants a partner, he wants somebody who has his back.  All valid reasons to be married. 

 

The trouble is finding somebody who genuinely wants that too, and that is the hard part.   I have no clue what Ashley wants out of marriage but maybe on that intense battery of psychological tests these people are supposed to go through she said something like she wants a true partner who is there for her.  So, the experts look at the ten people left after the truly insane and/or non-photogenic were eliminated from the candidates, and bingo, match made!

 

But if one of the people wasn't telling the whole truth, or was telling the truth as they saw it and they are actually wrong, then you have a problem.

[Booger666]

I don't think Ashley is in it for the money. While I think she is immature and mean at times I think the "experts" completely failed her. Ashley told them that a type of look is so important to her that she doesn't consider other qualities in a potential mate. A good matchmaker would find her type that also has other good qualities in a mate. They would do the vetting part that she isn't doing. But the "experts" didn't do that. They completely ignored her type, the most important thing to her, and expect her to just get over it. While it may be shallow to have appearance be the most important quality in a mate, it is her choice and she made that clear to the "experts". I think Patti Stanger is awful, but she always asks the client who their celebrity crush is. She tries to understand the look and vibe the client wants in a mate and then builds on that. The "experts" should have anticipated Ashley shutting down if they didn't give her the one thing she says is most important.

As others of you have said, the "experts" seem to solely rely on shared experiences which is just ridiculous. My parents are divorced and my three best friends over the past thirty years have parents that are married to their original partner. It's stupid to think that we wouldn't be able to relate, share and communicate with each other because we have had different experiences.

[rab01]

Take David for example.  He says he wants to find somebody he can eat pizza in bed with.  ...

The trouble is finding somebody who genuinely wants that too, and that is the hard part.  I have no clue what Ashley wants out of marriage but maybe on that intense battery of psychological tests these people are supposed to go through she said something like she wants a true partner who is there for her. ...

The other problem is what does David's quote mean to an expert reading dozens of applications? Because, you can also take someone writing about eating pizza in bed as being someone who is looking for comfort with a partner and being undemanding of your attention, rather than looking for passion and going on adventures together.  I can see an outsider reading that line and thinking that Ashley would fit well with that request -- because she wants less attention, not more and fewer demands on her time, not making demands on his.  

[Drogo]

For the most part, this group is fantastic at respecting others with differing opinions.  Today's had its challenges.

 

It doesn't matter if Ashley herself is posting in this forum, our site's Golden Rule of Be Civil To Your Fellow Posters still applies. 

 

If you don't like someone's opinion and would prefer not to see it anymore, you have the ability to ignore (or Ignore) them. 

 

 

[operalover]

I nearly choked when that stupid expert (sorry don't care enough to learn the names) said something like "even with people who are super attracted to each other have periods where they are not attracted to the other person. This is something that needs to be worked through". He was talking about David and Ashley! This is entirely a different thing with them! What a colossal idiot!

 

These experts are such assholes.

 

The first season I was REALLY impressed about the fact that these were "real marriages" and they were "husband and wife". I think at the time we were not even sure if these were legal and binding and the divorce process. It seemed like such an insane concept! I really felt for the couples being truly married. By this season I just see it as a ridiculous fake "marriage" and I don't take it as seriously as in Season 1. And I don't think these couples do either because they have seen 4 out of 6 couples divorce with no lasting ramifications.

 

[Zanne505]

I have never thought about doing a taco salad or nachos with Doritos. I use blue and white corn chips, so I wonder if the Doritos add or take away from the flavor?

I don't know, but that clip made me want taco salad! Surprised at the males on this forum. For some reason I considered this a chick show

Edited January 28, 2016 by Zanne505

[henrysmom]

A question.  Maybe I misheard but I thought I heard the spiritual expert say he was a rabbi when talking to Neil and Sam, but I also thought I've seen people on the boards saying he is an atheist.  If he is both, can you...well, are there atheist rabbis?  I'd kind of think believing in God is pretty much necessary for the job, which is why I'm wondering if I've misinterpreted something.

[rab01]

No clue about the guy from the show.

One of my parents' oldest friends is an atheist who is technically a rabbi. You can earn that title by finishing a course of college or post-collegiate coursework called a Smicha. Technically, you don't have to have a congregation to be called "rabbi."  That said, he would never introduce himself as Rabbi [smith] and is actually a lawyer.

[seasick]

I loved Davina last season, and could never figure out, why she got so much hate. I loved her, because she was so direct, and to the point, and could smell Sean's BS from a mile away. I think the "experts" hated her, mainly because she wasn't buying what they were selling, and that she was able to fend for herself, especially in regards to communication. Her laying into Sean about the moving thing, was the best argument ever, because you knew, that she knew, he had no intention of moving, and hoped whoever married him, would just cave and live in NJ. She is still my most favorite cast member to date.

 

 

 

Mine too!  She as good as told them they were all as full of shit as Sean was.  You could see the venom in their eyes--esp. Logan and Cilona  

[henrysmom]

I'll be darned!  Thank you for enlightening me.  The things you can learn on these boards :)

Edited January 28, 2016 by henrysmom

[Pepper Mostly]

It could be that he did rabbinical training when he was younger, and still exploring his spirituality. (I used to work at Harvard--the Divinity School was chockablock with atheists and agnostics). He may find the tenets of Judaism helpful guidelines for living, but doesn't believe in God. I'm an atheist and I think the Golden Rule is pretty darn useful. Rabbi means teacher, right? So not necessary to have a congregation. My ears did prick up when I heard him cop to being a rabbi, though! It does make him a little more interesting, and it makes more sense in explaining how he became a Humanist chaplain.

[hoosiermom]

I am a nurse and I am very "uncomfortable" with Ashley being any kind of a representative of us.

[Soup333]

She did something in this last episode that was so jaw dropping to me (and she has shocked me every episode so this one got me)  that I have come to believe that I can no longer judge this girl by any standard of normal. It was a small, subtle thing, but it spoke volumes to me.  There is something not right--not normal--with this girl..  Maybe she can talk "about" things but not immediately when confronted --I don't know!  But there is something that just isn't normal in that head.   I am no longer convinced that she is just being rude,  cold, cruel, pissy because she didn't get what she wanted, in it for the money--  whatever.   Although by normal standards it appears that these are her motivations,  and any kind, intelligent person would not act that way--  I can no longer assign those things to what's going on with Ashley.  

 

Seasick, I've been waiting hours to find out what she did that was so shocking! Don't leave us hanging!