S03.E07: Intimacy Part 1

[Tara Ariano]

The couples tackle intimacy issues as Tres and Vanessa decide to share a bathroom together; David makes a move on Ashley; and Samantha and Neil question their living situation.

[seasick]

I'll re-post my horror here as well:   Intimacy part ONE??!!!    TWO WEEKS of trying to get these freaks to have sex??  Get the bleach ready...

[jamblastx]

Narrator (In low monotone) 'Notice how the Neil tries to hold a gun to impress his mate...the enigmatic Sam.  The Sam has a natural father worship instinct so the Neil needs to emulate that for any sort of intimacy.  Meanwhile the David chatters about trying to illicit a response from the stoic Ashley but fails to do so.'

[ketose]

If Neil gets a gun he'd better not give Sam the combination to the safe.

[suzeecat]

And here I was, thinking this would be a pretty quick topic:  Tres and Vanessa are doing it.  The others never will.  End of story.

[sleekandchic]

Dear Sam,

In the immortal words of Madame NeNe Leakes, "Close your legs to married men!" Jesus, Neil is not a blind eunuch, you disgusting tease who pretends you don't know what you're doing with the crotch-in-the-face shots. You're torturing Neil ON PURPOSE, and it makes you look very, very small.

Ashley!! :( She couldn't even give her CHEEK to David for a kiss. Poor guy deserves a real mate. First though, he needs to stop making excuses for the mustachioed Queen of the Glacier.

Why does a professional sexologist like LL have to screw up her face in dirty old man mode to ask, "so have you two consummated?" Makes no sense to me.

The sparse fishbowls given to S/N and A/D versus the packed bowl given to V/T made me lol!

Edited January 13, 2016 by sleekandchic

[leighdear]

Well said Suzeecat.  And absolutely accurate!  

 

Tres & Vanessa seem to be doing well.  Hanging out with both their friends is a good sign.  And them answering some of the fish bowl questions was also good.  

 

Interesting to change houses for Neil & Sam, but maybe it will loosen her up a little more.  Although her writhing around on the bed, then them both going to sleeve on top of the covers was weird.  

 

As soon as they all seem to be making progress, they slide right back into the crap. 

[Neurochick]

Oh Ashley, Ashley, Ashley, why are you on this show?  When she and David were walking outside to the ferris wheel, they were so far apart they didn't even look like friends.

 

About Tres and Vanessa and the bathroom:  I know that in some new homes the toilet is in its own separate area with its own door.  I think that's a good idea; not so in that house.

[Neurochick]

Ashley is on the show for money.

Sam is on the show for fame.

Vanessa is on the show for love.

[Crazy Bird Lady]

Except for Tres and Vanessa, I think I can sum up this episode with a single word: awkward.

[sleekandchic]

I was struck more than ever tonight at how DISHONEST both Sam and Ashley are with their MAFS experiences.

Both of them talk out of both sides of their mouths. Ashley with her friend and then with Dr LL, and Sam with Dr LL, said things tonight to put themselves in the best possible lights. Both women are VERY aware of their lack of realness. Yet they still want to blame the guys. I can't stand Sam and Ashley.

If either one of them gets a redemption edit, I won't believe it at all.

Oh and Sam's attempt to blame the marriage's failures on the "suck"-y house is laughable and pathetic. And poor stupid Neil agreeing in order to placate her is doubly pathetic!!

Edited January 13, 2016 by sleekandchic

[butterly17]

Ashley and Sam can't even give their husbands a kiss or 1 make out session to figure out if attraction can build?

 

I mean in a marriage you aren't always feeling super attracted to your mate, but attraction can grow through kissing and touching, and BAM all of the sudden you are feeling attracted to your mate.

 

Besides Vanessa, these chicks are hopeless.

[RaleighWild]

Intimacy Part 1 - Ashley is indeed the ice princess; she needs to visit the spa as that upper lip (on her face) is nasty and needs waxing.

[Snarklepuss]

When Ashley's friend described the kind of guy she usually goes for, it became clear to me that she wants a man who's just as much of a dead fish as herself.  She wouldn't know how to relate to someone on David's level.  He's too challenging for her.  I'm starting to think that emotionally and intellectually she's not on his level.  He needs to find a soul and a mind mate.  He called himself "very intuitive".  I often call myself that and judging from his personality that's what he would want.  I almost couldn't believe it when he called her dog "the ultimate cock block" in the preview at the end.  That's what people here were calling it!

 

That said, Sam seems to be genuinely sorry for being so hard on Neil and seems to be warming up to him.  She is at least having fun with him now.  I still feel like that relationship is on very shaky ground, though.  Too much can go wrong.  It's a good thing that they both want to move out of the house.  It shows that they are thinking about a better future together, which can only be a positive sign.  If Sam weren't open to him she would never invite him to her real house.  So I'm thinking there must be some real progress there, not just lipservice to progress, but I do think there was a lot of that too.

 

Tres and Vanessa, what can I say?  That's infatuation right there.  But I still feel like Tres is like a cuddly little boy but Vanessa needs a mature man.  I think deep down in her gut she knows this and that's why she has these moments of doubting him.

Edited January 13, 2016 by Snarklepuss

[RaleighWild]

Sam & Ashley have zero respect for their 'husbands.' Sam & Ashley could both drop some pounds and tone up and neither are very pretty - overall each rates about a '5' to '6' on a good day. Look in the mirror - you are a succumbs minus the sex.

[grumpypanda]

I noticed that Tres and Vanessa's fish bowl was almost filled to the top with questions and David and Ashley's fish bowl only had a handful of questions in it. I'm guessing that Ashley wouldn't even agree to the fish bowl game unless only the PG questions were left in. I understand not wanting to answer some of the dirtier questions on camera but most of the questions were pretty tame.

I seriously doubt any man would wait two months to get into Ashley's granny panties. What is wrong with David? I yelled at my tv and woke my baby up when he said he was falling in love with the robot. He must really hate himself.

Anyway, Sam needs to close her damn legs. For a minute I thought Neil was going to pull out a speculum and perform a gynecological examination on her. She's just gross.

What's the deal with their house? They've lived there like 12 days but it's creepy so they're moving into Sam's house. Yep, that makes sense.

[Snarklepuss]

I seriously doubt any man would wait two months to get into Ashley's granny panties. What is wrong with David? I yelled at my tv and woke my baby up when he said he was falling in love with the robot. He must really hate himself.

 

Yeah, that's what I want to know.  How could he find anything to like about her after all she's done to push him away?  She acts like she doesn't give a crap about him, so he falls in love with her!  That makes no sense at all unless he's either so desperate for a wife that he'd actually forgive all that or he's hooked on the unattainable, or both.

[kam]

Yeah, that's what I want to know. How could he find anything to like about her after all she's done to push him away? She acts like she doesn't give a crap about him, so he falls in love with her! That makes no sense at all unless he's either so desperate for a wife that he'd actually forgive all that or he's hooked on the unattainable, or both.

David is obviously reading from a tragic romance novel. there is no way in hell hes falling for the ice princess.

[Gigi43]

Tres and Vanessa are the only ones to consistently laugh/smile. I have serious doubts about long term but they seem like they are genuinely into each other. The promo was so misleading for them this episode, making it seem like there was going to be a big issue over the work call, but nope, that came and went. There was something so "normal" about the bathroom conversation. This would be a drag without them. I hope Tres watching and seeing how lucky he was to get the best girl by several miles.

Ashley said she "sacrificed" not working to do the show like she quit/took leave. But David mentioned he didn't expect her to drink since she had work. She probably considers taking off for the honeymoon and maybe to move as sacrifice. When she said it was great how David puts her feelings first my mom, who I watch with, said "that's all that matters to her!" And really got into how David should just leave.

I don't think Sam wanted to move out of her place to begin with, she said she's gonna be more comfortable at home. They really couldn't stick a house out for a few weeks? Really? Sam probably over played her dislike to get back home.

Edited January 13, 2016 by Gigi43

[Straycat80]

Add me to the confusion of David falling in love with Elsa (ya know, from Frozen. Heh!), I mean, Ashley. She can't even walk close to him when they were going to the Ferris wheel. And then she barely let him give her a peck on the cheek. I think David just wants to be married and he's not being picky about to who.

I'm confused about Sam and Neil saying they are making progress but I'm watching two people not at all interested in each other.

Tres and Vanessa are the only ones acting like a real couple.

I thought the questions in the fish bowl were a little too soon and aggressive for people who just met each other and two of those couples haven't even held hands, kissed, and don't seem to be attracted to each other.

[shouldbedancing]

This show is getting really annoying. Sam and Ashley aren't trying. What did they think they were doing? You're married. You wanted to get married. So... act like it. Doesn't mean they have to hump like bunnies but can you at least be in the same room together? And act like you're not too good for the guy? This is getting painful to watch.

[sleekandchic]

So much cringe this episode.

Wikipedia on Betta fish (the fish David and Ashley bought): "They are a highly aggressive fish and it is unwise to house two males together - and even the females may kill each other."

Hmm.

Omg. Can't stop laughing!

I thought the questions in the fish bowl were a little too soon and aggressive for people who just met each other and two of those couples haven't even held hands, kissed, and don't seem to be attracted to each other.

I understand and respect your POV. But these participants are supposed to be mature, intelligent, accomplished 30-year-olds. Can't anybody think on their feet or roll with the punches? Read a room?

For example, the question: favorite part of the body to be kissed. Ashley flat out refused to CONSIDER answering! How about, I have two answers for that one...one is G-rated and the other is X. You're gonna have to wait a little longer for the X answer but my G is the hollow of my throat or the side of my neck. (Or, my hand!)

Big deal! All these people signed up for an INVASIVE, TV REALITY show involving an arranged marriage to STRANGERS! What did they think was going to happen? I'm really taken aback at how cold and aloof Ashley continues to be, and how aggressively antagonistic Sam acts. Did either woman ever actually DATE?! You've got to be able to handle small talk and mindless, stupid flirting when you date, too. Silence and dirty looks don't work!

Why why why did they agree to this show? I'd love to know if either of those two applied for The Bachelor or other dating shows. Marriage is huge! Neither woman is ready for it, imo.

Edited January 13, 2016 by sleekandchic

[bluestocking]

What doesn't Ashley just quit at this point?  Is that not allowed?  She is not making ANY effort as far as the audience can see.  Even refusing to answer any of the fishbowl questions.

[sleekandchic]

This show is getting really annoying. Sam and Ashley aren't trying. What did they think they were doing? You're married. You wanted to get married. So... act like it. Doesn't mean they have to hump like bunnies but can you at least be in the same room together? And act like you're not too good for the guy? This is getting painful to watch.

Really perfectly stated to my way of thinking.

[Crazy Bird Lady]

Ashley said she "sacrificed" not working to do the show like she quit/took leave. But David mentioned he didn't expect her to drink since she had work. She probably considers taking off for the honeymoon and maybe to move as sacrifice. 

 

Ashley is a big liar. She's been working to pay the bills while going to nursing school -- definitely not an easy thing to do! But this MAFS thing came along and she's been able to use poor lovestruck David to pay the bills, so she doesn't have to work anymore.

 

And then she points out what a big 'sacrifice' she's made, giving up work for the sake of their 'marriage' (pure bull).

Edited January 13, 2016 by Crazy Bird Lady

[princelina]

I understand and respect your POV. But these participants are supposed to be mature, intelligent, accomplished 30-year-olds. Can't anybody think on their feet or roll with the punches? Read a room?

For example, the question: favorite part of the body to be kissed. Ashley flat out refused to CONSIDER answering! How about, I have two answers for that one...one is G-rated and the other is X. You're gonna have to wait a little longer for the X answer but my G is the hollow of my throat or the side of my neck. (Or, my hand!)

 

David can - I loved his answers to Ashley as he was trying to get her to loosen up and play along.  Totally wasted on that joyless bitch.  Then when Dr. L wants to talk about their communication and David tries to express himself, she TH's about how they "need to have fun, too".  Please, girl.  And she weirdly talks about what a great guy he is - so give him a kiss and a chance.  I once had a friend who went on a few dates with a guy whom she characterized as "great, but I'm not attracted to him."  I told her if he was that great she should just kiss him and see if she liked it - they got married a few months later!

 

And she just won't respond to anything anyway.  She could certainly have given a jokey or G-rated answer, just like last week she could have said, "I like Dr. Pepper's idea of having a smaller get-together -- I have to study now, but think about who you'd like to invite and we can discuss it after I take my test tomorrow."  Or on their car rides during the honeymoon she could have said . . . anything. Not rocket science, asshole.

 

It did seem to me that the questions were more exclusively sexual than they were in past seasons - I remember being pleasantly surprised when there were a lot more "getting to know you without discussing sexual things" type questions, and thinking I would enjoy doing that with Mr. P.  I'm sure Ashley would have been just as killjoy with "What's your favorite color?" but Sam might have done better.  Of course it's probably just the editing (then and now.)  I'm curious about them moving into Sam's house, since last week it was speculated here that she wasn't living in Creepy House anyway.  I thought about that tonight when she came in and he had dinner and asked her how work was - what bank manager returns from work in Daisy Dukes?  And then the "last night sleeping in the house" - still wearing her jean shorts and laying on top of the covers - put on your pj's and earn your paycheck!

 

I like Tres and Vanessa - I am hoping that since they are pretty normal (therefore boring on TV) that theirs is all just production driven drama (much like I suspect whenever Cortney and Jason have a televised tiff.)  However, Vanessa definitely has a too-idealized version of marriage if she thinks sharing a bathroom will make things better!  I wish I could advise her to just be thankful they have two! I was glad Tres gave her a little wake-up call on the reality of sharing a bathroom - she seems to think it's all playing footsie while brushing your teeth together.  (It also reminded me of Monet, who seemed to think that a man not minding her peeing in front of him was the most romantic thing ever!! :)

Edited January 13, 2016 by princelina

[Jack Sampson]

I'm making a wild guess - Sam is at least bisexual and is coming off a longer-term relationship with her roommate.

At 28:50-55 on the stream, Ashley says that she isn't comfortable answering the questions. The sound cuts at that point but she clearly says, "on camera". Fine, but David wouldn't be making a point that she isn't trying if she answered them later.

Ashley's trying to claim on Twitter that she was uncomfortable answering the questions on camera - but she told David she would answer them all in private. That's such a lie.

Plus, Ashley looks like she's put on weight already and that lip is in need of attention again. How can someone who is so worried about her on-camera presentation not fix her mustache?

Another wild guess - Ashley's ex found out about the show and told her not to get involved with the fake husband so they could be together after. She's not going to do or say anything to jeopardize a possible restart with him.

[izabella]

Ashley seems incapable of having a normal conversation with David, much less answering any questions remotely related to sex...or anything.  Ashley talks more to the camera and to other people than she does to David. 

 

David was right about the questions - you don't have to answer them literally.  As that Dr. said, the point was to open dialogue and conversation and sharing information.  Tell a story, make a joke, You don't want to say on camera or to David where you like to be kissed, then how about telling him about the first time you were kissed in 7th grade.

 

These therapists should have them doing more exercises so they get to know each other.  Not that it will do them any good.

Edited January 13, 2016 by izabella

[ketose]

It did seem to me that the questions were more exclusively sexual than they were in past seasons - I remember being pleasantly surprised when there were a lot more "getting to know you without discussing sexual things" type questions, and thinking I would enjoy doing that with Mr. P.  I'm sure Ashley would have been just as killjoy with "What's your favorite color?" but Sam might have done better.  Of course it's probably just the editing (then and now.)  I'm curious about them moving into Sam's house, since last week it was speculated here that she wasn't living in Creepy House anyway.  I thought about that tonight when she came in and he had dinner and asked her how work was - what bank manager returns from work in Daisy Dukes?  And then the "last night sleeping in the house" - still wearing her jean shorts and laying on top of the covers - put on your pj's and earn your paycheck!

Yeah, I noticed that. In the first episode, Sam's wearing business appropriate clothing. Then she shows up, sans any kind of gym bag and wearing her crotch amplifiers and she's just getting home?

 

How many relationships has Ashley actually had? One was 9 years and she's like 30. Add to that she doesn't spend the night until a couple months in. I'm still holding on to my theory that Ashley is attracted to women and can't handle it, so she has nonsexual relationships with guys who dig facial hair.

 

Sam and Ashley make S1 Jamie look like a sexual dynamo. My guess is after season 1, the show decided to save money by limiting filming to a couple hours a week. They don't seem to spend any time together, which would make it impossible for this BS concept to work.

 

Logan's vocal fry is crossing over into Rachel Ray / strep throat territory.

[anarchyangel84]

They didn't even have to go buy fish, they should've just put Ashley in the fish bowl.

The fish they did end up buying have more personality than Ashley does. At first, David kind of got on my nerves. Now, I genuinely feel bad for the guy. He's a GREAT guy. He's not hot- but he's attractive and his attitude, selflessness, & sense of humor make him more attractive. David deserves a woman who will be just as devoted to him as he is to her. Ashley isn't that woman, I don't know what the experts were thinking on this one. I'm watching it again, and I just heard something I didn't catch before. Ashley was being a prude, talking about the fish bowl & the questions & she said she's not gonna be physically intimate until she has more. MORE WHAT??? He's given her everything.... What is his bitch talking about??

I don't know if anyone will agree with me, but I see why they matched Sam & Neil more than anyone, even Tres & Vanessa. It's nothing they've really done yet, it's how they are when they're together. I just wish Sam would let her guard down a little bit more. She needs to stop freaking out at the smallest I got too.

I see why the experts matched Vanessa & Tres but I also think they were probably the easiest of the 6 to match because they're so open minded & outgoing. I do hope they make it but Vanessa can't keep giving him crap for going out & getting drunk every once in a while.

[ketose]

What occurs to me is that they are casting couples for conflict and excitement rather than compatibility. I think Vanessa and Tres got lucky because the show wanted a Black couple that wouldn't get divorced, so a boring, well-matched couple was acceptable. Sam and Neil seem to be good for drama because Sam is a drama queen and Neil has enough self-respect to "put her in her place" for being an ass once in a while. In the case of David and Assley, the drama is mostly David going slowly insane as he tries to form a human connection with a robot.

[Jack Sampson]

Logan's vocal fry is crossing over into Rachel Ray / strep throat territory.

How can no one in her life tell her to speak normally? I get that vocal fry is an epidemic these days - but it's mostly among kids. Logan is WAY too old for that nonsense. Her husband must be deaf to tolerate it.

I would literally stop her in mid sentence and ask her to try again without the vocal fry. Is it chain smoking maybe?

Can you believe the NYC school system uses her quackery to teach kids about anything, least of all sex?

[Kareem]

...

However, Vanessa definitely has a too-idealized version of marriage if she thinks sharing a bathroom will make things better! I wish I could advise her to just be thankful they have two! I was glad Tres gave her a little wake-up call on the reality of sharing a bathroom - she seems to think it's all playing footsie while brushing your teeth together. (It also reminded me of Monet, who seemed to think that a man not minding her peeing in front of him was the most romantic thing ever!! :)

Oh my gosh, yes. Watching and/or hearing someone brushing their teeth grosses me out. And Sam talked while she was doing it. My eyes rolled back in my head and I began speaking in foreign tongues. I get that Vanessa wants to feel comfortable enough to do such things with him but she should stick to watching him train her dog or something.

[Vinyasa]

This season gets more boring with each episode!  There is nothing to talk about these people except how boring they are. Ashley says the same thing every week.

 

I now miss Sean and Davina with glow in the dark stars on the ceiling and moon pies. At least they were fun to snark on!

[Snarklepuss]

Omg. Can't stop laughing!

I understand and respect your POV. But these participants are supposed to be mature, intelligent, accomplished 30-year-olds. Can't anybody think on their feet or roll with the punches? Read a room?

For example, the question: favorite part of the body to be kissed. Ashley flat out refused to CONSIDER answering! How about, I have two answers for that one...one is G-rated and the other is X. You're gonna have to wait a little longer for the X answer but my G is the hollow of my throat or the side of my neck. (Or, my hand!)

Big deal! All these people signed up for an INVASIVE, TV REALITY show involving an arranged marriage to STRANGERS! What did they think was going to happen? I'm really taken aback at how cold and aloof Ashley continues to be, and how aggressively antagonistic Sam acts. Did either woman ever actually DATE?! You've got to be able to handle small talk and mindless, stupid flirting when you date, too. Silence and dirty looks don't work!

Why why why did they agree to this show? I'd love to know if either of those two applied for The Bachelor or other dating shows. Marriage is huge! Neither woman is ready for it, imo.

 

Ashley seems quite immature for her age to me.  She's 30 but acts like a sophomore in college.  OK, that may actually be an insult to college sophomores!  Plus she isn't creative enough to think of non-literal answers.  How they could pair David, who calls himself "very intuitive" with literal minded, non-creative Ashley is beyond me.  I just can't see David being happy in that relationship even if she were to put in some effort, which she's not.  He'll always feel like he's trying to get blood from a stone.   Ice Princess can't even go outside her comfort zone ONCE to answer some freaking questions. 

 

I think Ashley signed up for the show precisely BECAUSE she didn't want to date or put in any effort to make a relationship work.  She wanted to wake up one day and find the perfect relationship at her doorstep, no small talk necessary, which is highly unrealistic because all relationships have to start at square one.  I also think it's pearls before swine with her.  She doesn't have what it takes to appreciate David.  With all the women that sign up for this show you mean to tell me that this is the BEST match they could find for David?  Now if that doesn't show how incompetent the "experts" are, I don't know what does.  Personally I think this whole "we hoped David would bring Ashley out" garbage is an excuse - If they knew she was so walled in, why didn't they recommend therapy for her instead of putting her on the show and torturing some poor nice guy?  It's not even good TV, it's just cruel.

[Vinyasa]

Did anyone notice the both video diaries  of David alone and Ashley alone were each of their old apartments? David was in his living room because I recognized the furniture and Ashley was in her bedroom.

 

They were not in the new house!

[moonxyz]

This episode was so fucking boring. The season should be 5 episodes max. The fake suspense and drama are irritating.

 

But did anyone else catch on to Sam being horny? The way she positioned herself on the couch during the fishbowl exercise and later in the episode when she was on her bed, she lifted her t-shirt to show a little skin. I don't understand it. I thought she was repulsed by the guy?

[Drogo]

I remember being around 14, out with a bunch of friends, and joining up with a girl I liked (and was told by several of her friends liked me) who was there with her friends.  I pulled my girl to a table for two maybe 5 feet away from everyone else to try and talk to her, but she was so restricted/nervous/awkward that I felt like an absolute creeper, which was new for me.  After a few minutes of talking to her, I moved our table to the group and seriously needed a shower to get rid of the ick I had at myself.  I found out later that this girl had never been kissed, and she had serious anxiety over the idea of being "alone" (5 feet?!) with a guy.  Ashley is that girl.  It was understandable for a 14 year old girl during the Jurassic Park days but it's not understandable for a 30 year old woman who was in an almost-decade-long relationship and whose clearly done enough dating that she has a dark and brooding "type" everyone and their mother knows about (except the experts, apparently.)  

 

No one is saying she needs to sleep with or even make out with David, but as Dr. L mentioned - hold his hand.  Touch his arm when you speak to him.  Sit close to him.  Answer a damn fish question.  Give him a chance. 

 

I feel for David, hardcore, and I can't help but wonder if she's not ruining him for someone else. She legitimately fleed the room when he said "I might need to know your favorite place to be kissed- someday- if we ever kiss."  I feel for this guy.  I believe there is nothing he could do to convince her to give him a real chance, and I think he should just install a modified advent calendar in the living room labeled "Days Until You Can Divorce Me." 

 

And gimipizza, I spent the entire fish segment half-expecting that those two fish would tear each other apart on-camera with the camera quick-cutting to a pensive David. 

[jamblastx]

Sam - This is probably the most 'likeable' that she has been yet she is still a 'run for the hills' nightmare.  She is not 'quirky' as the 'experts' have called her...she's what is known as an 'assh*le'.

Neil - I don't get Sam's obsession of 'needing' an alpha male however, Neil....stop capitulating to her and stand up to her when it comes to living at her place.  If the house truly sucks (and he TRULY agrees that it does), then either find another place or put your foot down and tell her that they should move into HIS place since he doesn't have a roommate AND other than the bed, is MUCH nicer than her hovel.

David - Still too needy and if he just toned down the neediness and maybe played hard to get, maybe....just maybe he would get somewhere with the fembot....who am I kidding....no chance of getting through those doll eyes.  And seriously dude, only NOW you are figuring out that there maybe something more to her taking some time to warm up to people?!  She is not into you at all....please wake up!.  And I know I am nitpicking here, but what is with the guys on the three years of the show supposedly clueless in the kitchen?  They really played it up yet it seems that he did alright....something tells me that is the producers who for whatever reason, love the 'men can't cook' trope.  Finally in general, David's neediness and cluelessness is minor...this guy seems to be a great guy and it's unfortunate that these 'experts' paired him with V.I.C.I. from Small Wonder in order to de-Pinocchio her into a human....he deserved better.

Ashley - 01000010 01101100 01110100 01100011 01101000

Tres - As usual the producers made his 'phone call' into a MUCH bigger deal than it was.  He is a salesman and he took a call during lunch during his work hours and while Vanessa didn't jump for joy, she understood.  This five minute non-event could have been on the editing room floor.

Vanessa - I know that the whole cameras up your butt and producers asking you dumb questions and stage events must be awkward but please stop all the giggling.  I'm nitpicking but if she is like that in 'real life', it would drive me crazy...and something tells me she isn't

Dr. Logan -  Did she do anything?  I could not get past the vocal fry and the elongating the last word of every sentence 'Bye-eeeeee'

 

P.S. - My comment for Ashley is not some binary randomness....it does actually spell something :)

Edited January 13, 2016 by jamblastx

[Aethera]

A reminder: social media posts by the participants (and the experts) are considered spoilers, and belong in the Social Media & Spoiler thread. Only discussion of what's actually happening in the episode goes in the episode thread.

[AussieBabe]

Oh Ashley. You can't say, "My favourite place to be kissed is...my hand, cheek, lips, etc." Are we sure she isn't asexual, aromantic, or a virgin? Nobody said you have to be whips-and-chains-excite-me-let-me-call-you-daddy kinda freaky. Keep it PG. Saying that you would have or did answer off camera smells like you trying to save face. Surely she's seen the series before. They've done the fishbowl in series one and two. She is painful to watch. Why are you on the show? Rebound?

Sam for the love of sweet baby Jesus, stop wearing those bloody knickers. Those are not shorts, as they barely cover the necessary parts. I should not be able to see your bum when you are laying on your stomach or side. And when he asked her how was work, she was wearing a pair. I am all for dressing how you want, but after a certain age, cooch*e cutters should be banned. Nobody wants to see your lady parts on display. You love the skin you are in? Awesome, but the only one who needs to see all that is your husband. I am not surprised they are moving back to her home. SMH. One step forward ten steps back.

Tres and Vanessa are about the only realistic looking couple. I still believe he is frat boy immature and has a lot of growing up to do. I only hope he does not break her heart.

Logan...you guys are idiots. You paired T and V because they had the same effed up upbringings? Pairing people based on superficial shit will never work. "Oh Ashley is like an iceberg and has the personality of a clipped toenail. Let's pair her with someone who is an extrovert, warm, funny, engaging, and alive." Brilliant.

Edited January 13, 2016 by AussieBabe

[operalover]

I keep wondering why someone who won't sleep with a guy until several months in signs up for a show where you marry and stranger and have to decide IN SIX WEEKS!!!!! Did she  not understand the premise of the show. There is nothing wrong with waiting if that is your thing- but don't go on a show like this! The more this thing develops the more it make no sense why someone with her "personality" would go on an intimate reality show.  I frankly don't get it. 

[qtpye]

Sam & Ashley have zero respect for their 'husbands.' Sam & Ashley could both drop some pounds and tone up and neither are very pretty - overall each rates about a '5' to '6' on a good day. Look in the mirror - you are a succumbs minus the sex.

 

I thought Ashley was kinda pretty when I first saw her,  However, now with that personality and a mustache that Tom Selleck would envy, she has gone down to a 3/4.

 

 

So much cringe this episode.

Wikipedia on Betta fish (the fish David and Ashley bought): "They are a highly aggressive fish and it is unwise to house two males together - and even the females may kill each other."

Hmm.

 

I was horrified that they were putting two Beta fish in the same bowl.  First, Ashley is using her dog as a living shield against David and now she is putting fish in a dangerous situation because she does not want to answer some very lame questions.

 

Ashley is a big liar. She's been working to pay the bills while going to nursing school -- definitely not an easy thing to do! But this MAFS thing came along and she's been able to use poor lovestruck David to pay the bills, so she doesn't have to work anymore.

 

And then she points out what a big 'sacrifice' she's made, giving up work for the sake of their 'marriage' (pure bull).

 

I think I knew Ashley liked David's money when she made comments about his first apartment.  It was perfectly acceptable (and quite frankly not much worse then what she lived in), but nothing fancy.  She said she had nothing good to say, so she would not say anything at all.  Any decent persons would have said, it is a perfectly fine apartment, but it is just not in keeping with my tastes.  I think the reason she disliked it so much was that she assumed David did not have any money because it was modest, by Atlanta standards.  She was more then happy to have David pay for the expensive house with the antiques, even though she knew she had no feelings for the guy, whatsoever.

Add me to the confusion of David falling in love with Elsa (ya know, from Frozen. Heh!), I mean, Ashley. She can't even walk close to him when they were going to the Ferris wheel. And then she barely let him give her a peck on the cheek. I think David just wants to be married and he's not being picky about to who.

I'm confused about Sam and Neil saying they are making progress but I'm watching two people not at all interested in each other.

Tres and Vanessa are the only ones acting like a real couple.

I thought the questions in the fish bowl were a little too soon and aggressive for people who just met each other and two of those couples haven't even held hands, kissed, and don't seem to be attracted to each other.

 

This is not fair.  Elsa might have been an ice queen, but she is a warm tropical breeze compared to Ashley.

 

Yeah, I noticed that. In the first episode, Sam's wearing business appropriate clothing. Then she shows up, sans any kind of gym bag and wearing her crotch amplifiers and she's just getting home?

 

How many relationships has Ashley actually had? One was 9 years and she's like 30. Add to that she doesn't spend the night until a couple months in. I'm still holding on to my theory that Ashley is attracted to women and can't handle it, so she has nonsexual relationships with guys who dig facial hair.

 

Sam and Ashley make S1 Jamie look like a sexual dynamo. My guess is after season 1, the show decided to save money by limiting filming to a couple hours a week. They don't seem to spend any time together, which would make it impossible for this BS concept to work.

 

Logan's vocal fry is crossing over into Rachel Ray / strep throat territory.

 

I am sure many people consider Logan to be an attractive woman, but she has one of the most annoying voices I have ever heard.  It is like a valley girl from the eighties trying to act smart.  I also do not feel like Logan cares about the couple beyond her professional reputation when compared to Dr. Pepper, who seems somewhat invested in the participants' happiness.  Next season, just hand the couple a fish bowl and skip the segments of Logan explaining things that a toddler could figure out (or as I like to call them, her Dr. Obvious segments).

 

What occurs to me is that they are casting couples for conflict and excitement rather than compatibility. I think Vanessa and Tres got lucky because the show wanted a Black couple that wouldn't get divorced, so a boring, well-matched couple was acceptable. Sam and Neil seem to be good for drama because Sam is a drama queen and Neil has enough self-respect to "put her in her place" for being an ass once in a while. In the case of David and Assley, the drama is mostly David going slowly insane as he tries to form a human connection with a robot.

 

The robot comment had me laughing out loud.  I do feel sorry for David and hope he does find a nice human girl one day.  I will however scream if David and Neil say they want to remain married to their horrible wives.  Please have some self respect gentlemen... the experts have failed you both, so try to at least end this travesty with some dignity.

[Vinyasa]

and later in the episode when she was on her bed, she lifted her t-shirt to show a little skin. I don't understand it. I thought she was repulsed by the guy?

 

A little skin??? She had her entire middle showing!!! Why not just take the shirt off?? UGH

[Empress1]

It's almost hurting my feelings to watch David strike out with Ashley over and over and over. He's got to feel so rejected, and he's so earnest. I get not wanting to jump into bed right away but if you've been dating someone for three weeks, it's not weird to kiss them. Jesus. She's not even nice to him! She looked horrified when David tried to kiss her and she wouldn't even let him kiss her cheek. I thought it was sweet when Neil and David were putting together the dinners for their wives, and the energy just dropped when Ashley walked into the room. She's SUCH a downer. He needs to get out before she zaps all his energy to keep trying with someone else.

 

Someone said Sam looks like an unmade bed, and that's pretty true. And she's also just not a nice person. I mean, I love verbal sparring - it's a turn-on when a guy and I can go back and forth kind of playing the dozens, but you know it's playful, not serious. Sam is one of those people that slips in legit jabs and then defaults to "I was just kidding!" if someone gets offended. Ugh.

 

Tres and Vanessa continue to be cute. But Vanessa, girl, if you have two bathrooms, use both. One of my friends is moving into a new place with her fiance next week. They live together now; when they met they spent most of their time at her apartment, which was a 1 bedroom/1 bathroom. When they moved in together, she was like "This won't work unless we have two toilets."

[Pepper Mostly]

Ashley seems incapable of having a normal conversation with David, much less answering any questions remotely related to sex...or anything.  Ashley talks more to the camera and to other people than she does to David. 

 

David was right about the questions - you don't have to answer them literally.  As that Dr. said, the point was to open dialogue and conversation and sharing information.  Tell a story, make a joke, You don't want to say on camera or to David where you like to be kissed, then how about telling him about the first time you were kissed in 7th grade.

 

These therapists should have them doing more exercises so they get to know each other.  Not that it will do them any good.

Ashley is a complete cold fish. She's checked out already and is just counting the days till this is over. On one hand she's talking about doing fun things with David, but every time they are shown together she looks like she's being brought to her own execution. What does she call fun, exactly? Guess that's another personal detail she isn't comfortable sharing. David made me laugh (granted, it was an eye rolling, rueful laugh) when he said he was playing up being scared on the ferris wheel because it made Ashley laugh. that poor guy is just desperate for any crust that icy bitch will throw him.

[Primetimer]

The couples work on 'intimacy' this week, with results varying from gross to sad.

Read the story

[ZaldamoWilder]

What doesn't Ashley just quit at this point?  Is that not allowed?  She is not making ANY effort as far as the audience can see.  Even refusing to answer any of the fishbowl questions.

 

because

 

They didn't even have to go buy fish, they should've just put Ashley in the fish bowl.

The fish they did end up buying have more personality than Ashley does. At first, David kind of got on my nerves. Now, I genuinely feel bad for the guy. He's a GREAT guy. He's not hot- but he's attractive and his attitude, selflessness, & sense of humor make him more attractive. David deserves a woman who will be just as devoted to him as he is to her. Ashley isn't that woman, I don't know what the experts were thinking on this one. I'm watching it again, and I just heard something I didn't catch before. Ashley was being a prude, talking about the fish bowl & the questions & she said she's not gonna be physically intimate until she has more. MORE WHAT??? He's given her everything.... What is his bitch talking about??

 

and

 

I think I knew Ashley liked David's money when she made comments about his first apartment.  It was perfectly acceptable (and quite frankly not much worse then what she lived in), but nothing fancy.  She said she had nothing good to say, so she would not say anything at all.  Any decent persons would have said, it is a perfectly fine apartment, but it is just not in keeping with my tastes.  I think the reason she disliked it so much was that she assumed David did not have any money because it was modest, by Atlanta standards.  She was more then happy to have David pay for the expensive house with the antiques, even though she knew she had no feelings for the guy, whatsoever.

 

^^ come get your chicken dinner, winner. 

 

{{cuttoJamieandKanye}}  I ain't saying she a goldigga, but......she went from Moscow in January all the way up to room temperature when she found out he could front that house by himself.     Hate her, hate her (facial) hair.    Get off my screen Ash, it's killing me bout as much as it hurts you to even humor this dude by sharing his air.   Some dudes would wait a couple months, but in the interim they need substitute incentive like you know eye contact, laughter, a personality.    Child please, just go. 

 

Vanessa is adorable but, and this might be a youth thing, she's way too everything is riding on this one moment-y.   Trey came home drunk.  Now while I agree with her in essence because that's not my favorite thing either, it does not mean that for the rest of your life you need to walk around thinking that you can't list your husband as your in case of emergency number for fear he won't hear his phone over the din of bar noise.  C'mon. 

 

Sam is a passive aggressive trollop who cannot take what she dishes out.  She's fine until he says something that's slick/funny that hits too close to home.   A hit dog's gonna holler, hope she enjoys that.  I love Neil's sense of humor.    He and David are far better people than the women they were paired with.

 

Dr. Logaaaaaaaaaaan?  can you pick me up an Annie's Pretzuuuuul when you come back from the maaaaaalll?  k, thanks.

[suzeecat]

So much cringe this episode.

Wikipedia on Betta fish (the fish David and Ashley bought): "They are a highly aggressive fish and it is unwise to house two males together - and even the females may kill each other."

Hmm.

Exactly.  That is why they keep the fish separate in the store.  I was expecting them to show the fish attacking each other as a metaphor to Dave and Ashley's relationship. 

[Jack Sampson]

This episode was so fucking boring. The season should be 5 episodes max. The fake suspense and drama are irritating.

 

But did anyone else catch on to Sam being horny? The way she positioned herself on the couch during the fishbowl exercise and later in the episode when she was on her bed, she lifted her t-shirt to show a little skin. I don't understand it. I thought she was repulsed by the guy?

She is repulsed, but Neil quit showing interest so she's trying to get a reaction to stroke her ego and get him reinvested. Her whole "I'm not attracted to him" routine only works if the guy keeps chasing. Unlike David, Neil doesn't - and it's bruising her ego.

She'd withdraw completely if Neil made a move...make a real production of it too. "I can't expose my flabby belly without you trying to jump on top of me?" <Exasperated sigh, storms off to do a video diary about how she can't have a conversation because Neil only wants her chubby body>