Janelle Brown: Smarter Than Your Average Brown (Maybe)

[TurtlePower]

20 hours ago, ginger90 said:

Ok, I just need to place this humorous yoga video here (after just linking it in Mariah's thread). These people and their "yoga"--what would Ghandi say?

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=if+ghandi+took+a+yoga+class&&view=detail&mid=933A4FC23469AA8FE3AE933A4FC23469AA8FE3AE&&FORM=VRDGAR

ETA: Not picking on everyone who does yoga, I know some of you do yoga. It's just when these clown do it, it bugs me. 

Edited December 11, 2018 by TurtlePower
double post/explanation

[ginger90]

[Kohola3]

Oh, great, another 20 pound bag of the latest "rock star" item sitting unused in her pantry when she moves on to the next thing.

[ginger90]

She’s still trying to “figure out” millet. WTF is there to figure out?  How about google, Janelle? Moderation is the secret. 

[lookeyloo]

3 hours ago, ginger90 said:

But that bag of Fritos goes down really smoothly with no issues!!

[laurakaye]

MAD-LIBS:  JANELLE BROWN "STRIVE" VERSION

 

Now that it's (insert weather condition), I am feeling (insert generic complaint).  I am struggling to (insert any action that a human being does on a daily basis).  Because I also (insert any health ailment), I have been trying (insert latest health fad or food item).  I am not really sure about (insert new generic complaint) but I am finding (insert food) to be a (insert overblown cliche)!  

[xwordfanatik]

Just because I'm curious, does anyone know what "Strive Membership" gets one?  Just a once daily post, which we can read here for free (thx @ginger90!)

The only thing I can think of is that apron that Janelle wore on an episode.  I don't get why anyone would actually PAY for these non-helpful posts.  I know I wouldn't.

[suomi]

Quote

In this initial 40-minute consultation Janelle will work with you to identify your individual health goals.  Come prepared to relax and have an easy conversation.  This process is fun and usually fairly satisfying.  Follow up sessions available for an additional cost.

https://strivewithjanelle.com/collections/health-coaching/products/health-coaching-with-janelle-brown-appointment

[Kohola3]

"Usually fairly satisfying".  Well that certainly makes me eager to spend that $35.  Great marketing there.

[ginger90]

1 hour ago, xwordfanatik said:

Just because I'm curious, does anyone know what "Strive Membership" gets one?  Just a once daily post, which we can read here for free (thx @ginger90!)

The only thing I can think of is that apron that Janelle wore on an episode.  I don't get why anyone would actually PAY for these non-helpful posts.  I know I wouldn't.

The posts I’ve been putting here have been from the Strive Facebook page. It’s free!!

She hasn’t made a blog entry on the Strive site itself since May.

Here’s what a Strive membership gets you:

 

 

Thought this posted, but it didn’t. I see it’s been answered. 😀

[xwordfanatik]

I'd be more likely to buy a piece of LuLaNo (from Christine; NEVER from MG Meri) than I would to pay Janelle for "health coaching."  She (Janelle) is hardly an example of a health coach.  She is constantly struggling to do anything...makes no sense at all that she poses as a coach for doing anything other than struggling, and who the hell wants to hear their coach constantly complaining how hard her life is?  Not inspirational, which is what I would want, in any kind of coaching.  Jeez.

[neh]

This is a tax write off or something, isn't it?

[ChristmasJones]

2 hours ago, laurakaye said:

MAD-LIBS:  JANELLE BROWN "STRIVE" VERSION

 

Now that it's (insert weather condition), I am feeling (insert generic complaint).  I am struggling to (insert any action that a human being does on a daily basis).  Because I also (insert any health ailment), I have been trying (insert latest health fad or food item).  I am not really sure about (insert new generic complaint) but I am finding (insert food) to be a (insert overblown cliche)!  

Ok, I am going to take a shot at this one:

 

Now that it's rainy and gray out, I am feeling a bit tired.  I am struggling to decide which show on my DVR to watch.  Because I also have cold feet, I have been trying to add bacon to all my meals.  I am not really sure about low motivation, but I am finding bacon to be a complete game-changer!  

Edited December 12, 2018 by ChristmasJones

[neh]

YES, YES, YES,  Bacon is the answer to all the ills of the world!

[ChristmasJones]

I hope others will take up the Janelle Brown "Thrive" Mad-Libs Challenge!!! Its fun!!

[Kohola3]

Now that it's dark before 5, I am feeling the need to start drinking earlier than usual.  I am struggling to bother with cooking dinner instead of drinking it.  Because I also am a chocoholic, I have been trying chocolate cake vodka.  I am not really sure about the condition of my liver but I am finding chocolate cake vodka on the rocks to be the cat's meow!  

[Sasha888]

10 hours ago, TurtlePower said:

Ok, I just need to place this humorous yoga video here (after just linking it in Mariah's thread). These people and their "yoga"--what would Ghandi say?

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=if+ghandi+took+a+yoga+class&&view=detail&mid=933A4FC23469AA8FE3AE933A4FC23469AA8FE3AE&&FORM=VRDGAR

ETA: Not picking on everyone who does yoga, I know some of you do yoga. It's just when these clown do it, it bugs me. 

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Thank you so much, that was hilarious! There were so many funny lines in this but for some reason "Is this COLDPLAY???" is the one that really got me!

I love yoga and when I mentioned that to one of my friends, he said he wanted to make sure I was still a Christian and that I wasn't jeopardizing my eternal soul! 🤣🤣🤣 He meant well but I just had to laugh at him. First off, I'm a Christian and any stretching exercises I do will not change that (not pushing religion on anyone, just that someone who has known me since I was 5 probably should've known that without asking!) and second...yoga in the US, for the most part, has nothing to do with religion. Not the yoga videos I watch and enjoy doing, anyway. They might mention "cleansing breaths" and calming yourself, etc but not one yoga video I've ever seen has addressed religion...which is kind of the point of the satirical video, yoga as we know it here is probably unrecognizable to those who practice it as part of their religion.

Anyway, I enjoy yoga and need to get back into doing it, but I'm doing it only for the stretching and strength poses. I realize it's not cardio and I'm not doing it for spiritual reasons.

I agree that somehow the Brown Clowns make everything annoying...heck it bugs me when Janelle always has to end her yoga posts with "Namaste". Quit borrowing words from other cultures that you probably know nothing about.

[Sasha888]

6 hours ago, laurakaye said:

Now that it's (insert weather condition), I am feeling (insert generic complaint).  I am struggling to (insert any action that a human being does on a daily basis).  Because I also (insert any health ailment), I have been trying (insert latest health fad or food item).  I am not really sure about (insert new generic complaint) but I am finding (insert food) to be a (insert overblown cliche)! 

Now that it's partly cloudy, I am feeling extremely irritable (towards the Browns!). I am struggling to walk across the room. Because I also have a sprained spleen, I have been trying deep-frying everything in goose fat. I am not really sure about my debilitating hangnail, but I am finding goose fat to be a NUTRITIONAL ROCK STAR!!!!

You guys are right, that was pretty fun! :-)

ETA: your health problem doesn't need to be diagnosed by a professional or anything, just some made up crap about why you can't exercise, thus my "sprained spleen". :-)

Edited December 12, 2018 by Sasha888
Another thought...

[toodles]

6 hours ago, laurakaye said:

MAD-LIBS:  JANELLE BROWN "STRIVE" VERSION

 

Now that it's (insert weather condition), I am feeling (insert generic complaint).  I am struggling to (insert any action that a human being does on a daily basis).  Because I also (insert any health ailment), I have been trying (insert latest health fad or food item).  I am not really sure about (insert new generic complaint) but I am finding (insert food) to be a (insert overblown cliche)!  

I'll take a shot.

Now that a couple of clouds are in the sky, I am feeling a case of the runs coming on.  I am struggling to walk to the mailbox.  Because I'm feeling runny, I decided to try two ply toilet paper.  I'm not really sure about walking to the mailbox, but I am finding I really enjoy the go-if you catch my drift.  I'm taking the mailbox walk one day at a time (baby steps people), but I am finding two ply is changing my life.  Now two ply is the only kind l buy.   Thank you Charmin!  You brought the spring back to my step!!!!!!

#it'slikefloatingonacloud

#ienjoythego

#iwonderifcharminwillpayformytoiletpapersincei'macelebrity

Edited December 12, 2018 by toodles

[Sasha888]

Janelle seems to be combining all types of different approaches to eating plans. She loves to mention high fat foods like avocados and ghee, but those are part of a keto diet, which is very low carb...the fats are encouraged but the carbs are kept ultra-low. She eats the high fat items but ignores the low carb part, like going for lots of fruits (high in natural sugars) and things like molasses (sweet and very high carb) and also throws in her ancient grains. She's also mentioned stirring butter into your coffee (sometimes mentioned with keto diets)...but then she goes very "non-keto" by adding in things like her molasses, honey, and agave.

You can't throw all of the highest fat parts of a keto diet and then ignore the carbs in your other foods. You have to PICK ONE. Go high fat/low carb, or go for high fiber/high carb and keep the fat down.

You can't cherry-pick the naughtiest parts of all the different approaches and expect to lose weight. 

She also seems to ignore her total calorie intake, and you just have to be aware of that no matter what your approach is. 

Unless she's going for an "I don't care if I gain 50 lbs" diet, I don't know what the heck she is doing...and I strongly suspect she doesn't know what she's doing, either! 

She's going to continue to be disillusioned with exercise, because no matter how much she exercises, she can't "out run the fork" as many have said.

[lookeyloo]

I don’t think Janelle will ever commit to a type of diet - like paleo, keto etc. she would probably do best going in person to some weight watchers meetings and getting a scale and some measuring cups so she can get an idea of potion size - people do lose weight on it and mostly everything is within limits - it is hard to pick a type of diet and stay on it. But of course there would be too many barriers to her going In person and on line would not work for her in my opinion. And she would have to give up the entire bag of Fritos she eats  to top off her rockstar meals. At least I think that’s what she does. Not satisfied with the food she posts and probably doesn’t realize the chips bag is empty until it is. 

[laurakaye]

14 hours ago, Kohola3 said:

"Usually fairly satisfying".  Well that certainly makes me eager to spend that $35.  Great marketing there.

I totally thought you were joking...and then I scrolled down to her official "Strive" site.  This is hilarious, and also sad that there are people who would actually pay money for a consultation with a morbidly obese Z-list "celebrity" who shows absolutely no progress in her own weight-loss journey.  

[xwordfanatik]

Now that it's freezing-ass cold outside, I am filling that I need to fill my gullet with everything in the cupboard that has a sugar molecule to its name.  I am struggling really hard to keep from throttling my no-good spiritual husband and my dear sister wife Meri.  Because I have an ingrown toenail, I can't put on my exercise shoes, which I'm sure all my sycophantic followers remember me fishing out of some dusty box someplace.  I find that my smoothies made with power greens work so much better when I toss in a jar of coconut oil.  I'm not sure if it helps my butt blisters from sitting around complaining all damn day, but it's got to be healthy to eat anything I want as long as I put anything green next to it on my plate, right?  Right?  RIGHT? 

Still laughing at the above posts.  You guys are the best :)

[Turquoise]

18 hours ago, laurakaye said:

MAD-LIBS:  JANELLE BROWN "STRIVE" VERSION

 

Now that it's (insert weather condition), I am feeling (insert generic complaint).  I am struggling to (insert any action that a human being does on a daily basis).  Because I also (insert any health ailment), I have been trying (insert latest health fad or food item).  I am not really sure about (insert new generic complaint) but I am finding (insert food) to be a (insert overblown cliche)!  

Challenge accepted!

 

Now that it's below 60 degrees here, I am feeling sluggish. I am struggling to open the blinds every morning. Because I also am dealing with static electricity in the colder weather, I have been adding coconut oil, butter, and locally sourced honey to my morning coffee. Honey has antibiotic properties! I am not really sure the honey is killing any germs, but honey masks the fact that I have recreated Exxon Valdez in my coffee cup. Honey really is the bees' knees!

[TurtlePower]

2 hours ago, laurakaye said:

I totally thought you were joking...and then I scrolled down to her official "Strive" site.  This is hilarious, and also sad that there are people who would actually pay money for a consultation with a morbidly obese Z-list "celebrity" who shows absolutely no progress in her own weight-loss journey.  

This is what's laughable about the whole thing. It's like taking cookery lessons from someone who can't get past mediocre. Who willingly pays for this garbage?She jumps from trend to trend; it's like she googles something to post because she's failing in knowledge and results. We never see "I'm down x lbs and this is what's been working for me." We rarely hear that she's feeling good and not struggling, it's more like "I feel like crap, I struggle to whatever, here's some trend I found in the internet."

And her workouts---she seems to gravitate towards are activities a sloth would enjoy. "Slower moving, lots of holds, breath work, stretches and twists."--her words. Sounds sloth-y to me. 

ETA--you guys are killing it with your mad-libs!

Edited December 12, 2018 by TurtlePower

[laurakaye]

18 minutes ago, Turquoise said:

Challenge accepted!

 

Now that it's below 60 degrees here, I am feeling sluggish. I am struggling to open the blinds every morning. Because I also am dealing with static electricity in the colder weather, I have been adding coconut oil, butter, and locally sourced honey to my morning coffee. Honey has antibiotic properties! I am not really sure the honey is killing any germs, but honey masks the fact that I have recreated Exxon Valdez in my coffee cup. Honey really is the bees' knees!

Props to ALL the Mad-Lib challenge accepters!  I am snort-laughing at every single one!

[Sasha888]

Janelle could put on her mittens and walk past Meri's house every day and flip her off. That's the beauty of mittens, nobody can tell! :-) Oh dear what am I thinking, that would require so much work. Struggling to get breakfast and get her coat on and then actually walk, etc. Several hours of meditation first in order to face Meri, even though I said "walk PAST" not "interact with" Meri...gee I'm a terrible health coach aren't I?

I agree @lookeyloo, a kitchen scale and some measuring cups for her food would help her a lot...I think she conveniently eats whatever portion size she wants of whatever the fad of the day is. But again...work. Choosing a scale and cups, actually measuring out portions...it's all so terribly daunting. Best sit on the couch with some buttery coconut oil molasses agave honey ginger cinnamon cardamom black pepper cafe latte instead. ;-P

[ChristmasJones]

9 minutes ago, Sasha888 said:

buttery coconut oil molasses agave honey ginger cinnamon cardamom black pepper cafe latte

Don't give Starbuck's any ideas!!

[Natalie68]

Now that it's sunny, I am feeling blinded by the light.  I am struggling to squint my eyes cause you know, it's hard work.  Because I also have my head up my ass, I have been trying yodeling.  I am not really sure about what is going on back there but I am finding preparation H to be not a very big help!  

[Gothish520]

On 12/5/2018 at 1:16 AM, Sasha888 said:

Except wine. Wine does God's work. ;-P No seriously though, you're right and a real health coach would know that.

Health coach seems like a weird title to me. It kind of says "I didn't cut it as a nutritionist, or a certified personal trainer, or a Zumba instructor...so I'm gonna blog about putting shit in your coffee and call it being a health coach."

Haha, wine was the first thing I thought of when I read that post. Wine is of course the exception to every restrictive dietary rule! ;D

[Gothish520]

On 12/7/2018 at 2:29 PM, ginger90 said:

Ok I can relate, as I've always wanted to learn to play bass guitar. My husband used to love drums as a kid and has recently been talking of taking them up again as a hobby, so I got him a drum set for Christmas. If things go well, I may take up the bass and we can form our own rhythm section!

Edited December 13, 2018 by Gothish520

[deirdra]

Janelle should empty her Bag O' Millet into a horse's feed bag around her neck, stir in a jar of molasses and hunker down for another winter on the couch.

Edited December 13, 2018 by deirdra

[lookeyloo]

Y’all are hilarious!!

[Yeah No]

12 hours ago, TurtlePower said:

This is what's laughable about the whole thing. It's like taking cookery lessons from someone who can't get past mediocre. Who willingly pays for this garbage?She jumps from trend to trend; it's like she googles something to post because she's failing in knowledge and results. We never see "I'm down x lbs and this is what's been working for me." We rarely hear that she's feeling good and not struggling, it's more like "I feel like crap, I struggle to whatever, here's some trend I found in the internet."

I think she's always struggling and searching for the new "magic bullet" that will solve her weight problem, but the truth is that nothing is satisfying her so she has to keep searching and trying every supposedly "healthy" thing in the book.  Meanwhile, none of it is going to be satisfying enough to her for her to stick with it.  Looking back on it after I lost 40 lbs. due to gallbladder issues, I think the problem is with hunger and satiety.  It's all about getting used to smaller portion sizes and fewer calories/fat grams/sugar/starches, but still feeling satisfied.   That was very hard for me to do before my gallbladder issues, but after I got a sharp pain in my side every time I ate more than a small portion, I was forced to suffer through hunger and learn to make do with less.  But you're never going to get there if you keep trying stuff that you don't like and try to convince yourself (unsuccessfully) to like.  You have to like your food and if you don't you have to find food you like that you want to eat every week or even every day.  I look at the stuff she posts and I could never be satisfied eating most of that stuff.  Yet I manage to find healthy foods that I DO like and ways to prepare them that I love.  Janelle never seems to find that because she's so busy trying the next "trendy" thing.  She isn't looking for something she loves.  She thinks she has to do what other people are doing.  But it has to be what works for YOU, not what other people are hawking.  Sometimes success depends on having a dependable repertoire of meals that you can rotate.  Things that really turn you on.  I have a list of "tried and true" recipes that work for me and that I want to eat all the time.  They are things that I can eat in reasonably sized portions and still feel very satisfied after eating.  I doubt that Janelle has gotten to that point and that's why she's always trying the next new trendy thing and not making very much progress.

[Pickleinthemiddle]

True on the jumping around from diet to diet or idea to idea.  The add-ins to the hot beverages alone probably make them 500 calorie drinks.  More so if you have several a day.  

[ginger90]

She needs to stick with something for an established period of time, IMO. I read once, that it takes one month for any new action to become a habit.

If stress is a problem for her, as she states over and over, food isn’t a cure, not even grapefruit!  I think Janelle needs some type of counseling by a real licensed professional.

Oh, and drink water, Janelle.

[ginger90]

[Yeah No]

LOL, that photo reminds me of the commercial where the guy rubs his face in a towel and his wife says, "Isn't that the dog's towel?"  And then he says, "Mi towel, su towel".  I just love that commercial.

[tabloidlover]

With a new diet fad practically every day, I’m curious as to how much money she spends wastes on random groceries/ingredients that only get one use?   Based on her tea post, her cabinet was absolutely crammed full of a million different teas.  

[xwordfanatik]

Well, if Maddie can labor in a bathtub that is used for bathing the dog, then I suppose Janelle can wipe off with a dog-haired towel.

4 hours ago, Yeah No said:

LOL, that photo reminds me of the commercial where the guy rubs his face in a towel and his wife says, "Isn't that the dog's towel?"  And then he says, "Mi towel, su towel".  I just love that commercial.

I haven't seen that one.  But I think it fits.  I won't let my cat lay on clean laundry, if I can help it.  She sheds!

[Teafortwo]

These threads are the best. Thank you all for the laughs and the snark! Now that it's almost Christmas, I struggle to open my computer. I've tried a few tricks to motivate me to get to work, and I've discovered that catching up on this forum is a game-changer for me! I also recommend Sleepytime tea and ginger snaps (they have the word 'nap' in them - even better!) I struggle to get the raw local honey out of the jar without dripping it all over the counter - but it turns out the tea is fine without it.

[laurakaye]

I adore my Sleepytime tea.  I picked up "Sleepytime Extra" the other day and my daughter and I swear it works.  I do not, however, add molasses, ghee, butter, coconut oil, herbs or spices to my tea so I might be doing it wrong.

Edited December 13, 2018 by laurakaye

[ginger90]

Does anyone remember Janelle mentioning boiling her water? I sure don’t.

 

Edited December 13, 2018 by ginger90

[deirdra]

6 hours ago, ginger90 said:

That IS a human-sized pile of warm towels - you need to jump on faster than the dog next time.

[Sasha888]

I used to warm a big fluffy blanket in the dryer every night for my cat Sasha (yes, I'm not the real Sasha! Like many of you my screen name is that of a beloved, and sorely missed, pet). 

3 hours ago, xwordfanatik said:

I won't let my cat lay on clean laundry, if I can help it.

Yes, "if you can help it" being the key phrase there! :-) I've found my Sawyer in my laundry basket so many times that I've switched to a little laundry cart...it's too high for him to get into. A younger, more agile cat still could though!

I'll take cute dog pics over Strive posts any day. Although personally I'd probably wash my towels over again if any of my pets got on them. And yet, the dogs sleep in the bed with me every night...hmmm. Seems I've drawn a meaningless line in the sand now that I think about it.

Janelle's dog is more interesting to me than her advice.

[LilWharveyGal]

3 hours ago, laurakaye said:

I do not, however, add molasses, ghee, butter, coconut oil, herbs or spices to my tea so I might be doing it wrong.

You are.  Flavor should be multiplied, not divided.  :)

[the-grey-lady]

Now that it's Hanukkah, I am feeling melancholy/morose/cannibalistic.  I am struggling to walk to the mailbox.  Because I also have bad breath, I have been trying eating raw onions.  I am not really sure about my bad breath, because I can't smell myself, but I am finding raw onions to be a nutritional rock star! 

[ChristmasJones]

Speaking of tea... I tried Celestial Seasoning's Bengal Tiger this week.  I normally don't care for herbal teas because the flavor is too weak. This stuff is different- very strong- it has cinnamon, ginger, cardamom and cloves - and is decaf. Its a game-changing rockstar for sure!!

[Sasha888]

I discovered RepublicOfTea.com when searching for some tea and tea accessories for SIL's Christmas gift and I bought myself some white tea...after trying that I went back and bought myself way too much tea! But I'm giving up cappuccino after New Year's, so I'll probably need it.

They had a new tea I hadn't heard of, matcha. Green tea leaves that are powdered. You apparently make it in a little bowl with a bamboo whisk. I didn't feel like shelling out forty bucks for the bowl & whisk so I didn't try it. But since this is a new thing I hadn't heard of, I'm surprised Janelle hasn't covered this new type of tea already. Sleeping on the job, Janelle?

[Yeah No]

1 hour ago, Sasha888 said:

They had a new tea I hadn't heard of, matcha. Green tea leaves that are powdered. You apparently make it in a little bowl with a bamboo whisk. I didn't feel like shelling out forty bucks for the bowl & whisk so I didn't try it. But since this is a new thing I hadn't heard of, I'm surprised Janelle hasn't covered this new type of tea already. Sleeping on the job, Janelle?

I don't think you need a special bowl and whisk to make the tea, just use your own bowl and whisk or stir it good.  I've been buying matcha powder for years at a Japanese market.  I started buying it to make my own green tea ice cream using vanilla ice cream since I couldn't find green tea ice cream like you get in a Japanese restaurant in stores for a long time (I find it in the supermarket now), but this way I can make it low fat if I want using low fat vanilla frozen yogurt.  It's very good!