The Great Wife Swap of 2014: The Dark Wife Rises

[Kohola3]

Meri said at the end of yesterday's episode that she is doing this out of some "strange, weird thought process"

 

And for someone who tolerates sexual slavery so that she can spin on some alleged celestial planet worshiping an asshole for all eternity, the strange weird thought process is different......how?

[Taylorh2]

purpleflowers: In that case the next legal wife should really be Janelle.

[CofCinci]

Okay, so now that Kody is legally married to Robin, does that make her wife # 1? Or is Meri still # 1 ? 

 

What's the new 'pecking order ?

Prior to the marriage to Robin:

#1 Meri

#2 Christine - Youngest, prettiest, fun

#3 Janelle - Left for a while; discord with Meri

 

Immediately after the marriage to Robin:

#1 Meri

#2 Robin - strategic alliance with Meri

#3 Christine - finally gets to the be the Third Wife, a position that she raved about

#4 Janelle - over it

 

After the move and Solomon's birth

#1 Robin

#2 Meri - trying to maintain her position (wet bar)

#3 Janelle - still over it, but able to enjoy spending platonic time with Kody

#4 Christine - hurt, emotional - crying is a turn off for Kody

 

Post-Divorce

#1 Robin

#2 Janelle - easy breezy, platonic

#3 Meri - gets that coveted "Third Wife" role 

#4 Christine - still a mess

[AZChristian]

So I wonder if the new legal marriage will cause Kody to want to pay off the hospital judgment against Robyn for one of her kids.  There's a lien on her house - which may or may not be his new primary residence.

 

This whole thing makes my brain hurt.

[ginger90]

So I wonder if the new legal marriage will cause Kody to want to pay off the hospital judgment against Robyn for one of her kids.  There's a lien on her house - which may or may not be his new primary residence.

 

This whole thing makes my brain hurt.

There's a lien on her house? She doesn't even own a sliver of equity in it!!!

[Taylorh2]

When Kody moves out of Meri's house and into Robyn's. Meri is going to cry her eyes out. I can just feel it.

[CofCinci]

There's a lien on her house? She doesn't even own a sliver of equity in it!!!

They have almost $2 million in LV houses.  They are house poor and most likely aren't paying their Federal income taxes.

[Galloway Cave]

 

which may or may not be his new primary residence.

When they all were living in the rentals, he used Robyn's house address as his address. I wonder if he did the same in the new houses, despite his name being on Meri's mortgage?

[Featherhat]

I think Meri is still official wife #1. They've still been sealed the longest and I do think she's being forced to swallow the "it doesn't mean anything, it's just for practical restructuring purposes." The actual favourite with the most power in the group dynamic probably changes in the way CofCinci describes, but I can't see Meri accepting a legal divorce that automatically comes with an official "demotion" in terms of hierarchy, unless she really is on the way out.

 

Where Kody spends most of his time probably hasn't changed too much. It has seemed that that's mostly Robyn and using Meri's as a "retreat" from his other 3 houses with a young and teenage kids. So far we don't know if/when Meri is getting any financial benefit from this "deal", but I wouldn't bet on it, at least not from Kody's POV. He'll have his cake and eat it.

[Oosala]

Now we see polygamy in its true light. The polygamist construct forces dishonesty wrt "legal" marriage (she's my legal wife; no, now SHE'S my legal wife). It also forces dishonesty wrt how they handle money (multiple bankruptcies on this show and at least one with Brady Williams, inequitable divisions of "family" money, inequitable housing arrangements). And of course it forces dishonesty wrt the emotional health of the sister wives (intense jealousies, jockeying for time with the husband, jockeying for status with the husband, pressure to have lots of babies, the expectation to rise above it all and keep sweet).  We are finally seeing what really happens in a polygamist family and it's not pretty, no matter how furiously this will be spun.

 

My son wonders why I watch this show because I get so pissed off and I spend the whole hour swearing and yelling at the TV. I can't answer him because I really don't know.  I think I'm just waiting for the schadenfreude payoff when it all finally crashes and dies.

[MarysWetBar]

My son wonders why I watch this show because I get so pissed off and I spend the whole hour swearing and yelling at the TV. I can't answer him because I really don't know. I think I'm just waiting for the schadenfreude payoff when it all finally crashes and dies.

My son too! Last night he said "holy Mom...they just started the previews and you are already swearing and yelling at the tv!" I laughed and told him about the snark forum cus he didn't understand why i would "put myself through watching those idiots."

Btw..he isn't a fan either..just from a three minute view of the previews.

Edited February 17, 2015 by MarysWetBar

[Kellyee]

I wonder if Meri is doing the divorce to legally disconnect from Kody so she can eventually move back to Utah to be closer to Mariah. I doubt Mariah is coming back to Las Vegas full time unless she flunks out of college. And I just have this feeling that once the kids are grown, this whole union is going to fall apart. It seems very based on the kids, and not on a real connection between all the adults involved. Once the show is over and the kids are gone, what does Meri really have in common with her sister wives besides Kody?

[ChicksDigScars]

You KNOW that Crazy Eyes Nonie Williams is taking notes on this clusterfuck. Brady Williams and the other four better watch out for a "restructuring" in that family, too. Rhonda (Wife #5) may be his fave, but Nonie (Wife #3 and currently preggers with child #25) is the sneaky one.  Look out Paulie (Wife #1/Legal Wife).

 

 

 

Kody & Robyn return from their Hawaiian honeymoon to find a cul-de-sac with 3 empty houses. In the distance they see a cloud of dust left by 3 U-Haul vans heading to greener pastures.

 

Kody would be dumbfounded, but Robyn would be fist pumping behind his back, silently thinking, "Mission accomplished.'

 

Overlord and Master Joe "You're Doing it Wrong" Darger is shaking his head and thinking, "THIS is why you keep those wimmen folk under the same roof. Independent living, my ass." 

Edited February 17, 2015 by ChicksDigScars

[RazzleberryPie]

You KNOW that Crazy Eyes Nonie Williams is taking notes on this clusterfuck. Brady Williams and the other four better watch out for a "restructuring" in that family, too. Rhonda (Wife #5) may be his fave, but Nonie (Wife #3 and currently preggers with child #25) is the sneaky one.  Look out Paulie (Wife #1/Legal Wife).

 

 

 

 

Kody would be dumbfounded, but Robyn would be fist pumping behind his back, silently thinking, "Mission accomplished.'

 

Overlord and Master Joe "You're Doing it Wrong" Darger is shaking his head and thinking, "THIS is why you keep those wimmen folk under the same roof. Independent living, my ass." 

I only want the other three to ride off into the sunset if they leave Kody and Robyn with all those kids and all that debt. Not that the kids deserve it, but yeah.

 

Oh and with the Dargers - I honestly think Nonie is only crazy because she sees a lot more than she admits on camera, but isn't subtle or stealth enough to juggle all the manipulations. The first and legal wife in that family is the one who gives me the Stealth Robyn Vibes. 

Edited February 17, 2015 by RazzleberryPie

[RazzleberryPie]

Now we see polygamy in its true light. The polygamist construct forces dishonesty wrt "legal" marriage (she's my legal wife; no, now SHE'S my legal wife). It also forces dishonesty wrt how they handle money (multiple bankruptcies on this show and at least one with Brady Williams, inequitable divisions of "family" money, inequitable housing arrangements). 

I'm all for underdog situations, so I actually wanted them to prove everyone wrong and show that this is an alternative lifestyle that can work. But, it really doesn't. Not on the prairie compounds, not in suburban Utah, not in Las Vegas.

 

All the legal switcherooing may help decriminalize polygamy, but will NEVER be a good case to make multiple spouses legal, just for all the complications with property ownership, custody, finances, power of attorney for medical issues, etc. That's just a legal nightmare that no country is equipped to deal with. I don't even think Judge Judy could equitably sort out all of these financial and insurance messes, and she's pretty blunt with those small claims she handles on TV.

[purpleflowers]

purpleflowers: In that case the next legal wife should really be Janelle.

Agreed! However, Robyn does not miss an opportunity to elevate her status and that's why it doesn't surprise me that she was chosen. Of course, they will probably give it a much different spin so that it doesn't come across that way. Janelle, who seems aloof and detached on the surface may be portrayed as not caring one way or the other. Now Christine...that's a tricky one; I can't imagine how they will try to make her appear pleased with any of this. 

 

ETA: A thought that popped up in my mind: there has been a lot of talk on whether this is related to Robyn's first three kids and custody...I'm no expert so I just want to put this question out there. Is it possible for the biological parent (David Jessop) to still have custody and for a step-parent to be a legal guardian at the same time? I don't know if this is even allowed or possible, but if it is...could that be a potential angle? As in, if Robyn and her ex were not in the picture hypothetically, she would want to ensure all her kids get to continue to see their Brown family? 

Edited February 17, 2015 by purpleflowers

[Jellybeans]

So... who thinks a wife will leave the family compound? I think Meri is, and possibly Christine (but not for awhile).

What do you guys think? Is anyone leaving and who?

[CofCinci]

Does anyone know how social security works?

When Kody retires?dies? benefits go to his wife right? But if he was previously married for 10 years, benefits go to the ex-wife too? I'm not sure how it works.

I wonder if this is why Meri divorced? If Kody was legally married twice (for 10 years), then they draw double the benefits. Janelle will collect her own social security as she worked. That leaves Christine without benefits but she could be on Social Security Disability for her mental health issues.

[Absolom]

Yes, if Kody and Robyn stay married for 10 years and Kody has worked enough to qualify for Social Security retirement benefits, then both wives could collect unless they had worked and could get more on their own earning records.  Janelle can collect on her own if she has enough work credit.  Christine can not collect social security, even disability, without meeting the work requirement.  With low enough income and resources, she might qualify for supplemental security income (welfare).  

[RazzleberryPie]

Does anyone know how social security works?

When Kody retires?dies? benefits go to his wife right? But if he was previously married for 10 years, benefits go to the ex-wife too? I'm not sure how it works.

I wonder if this is why Meri divorced? If Kody was legally married twice (for 10 years), then they draw double the benefits. Janelle will collect her own social security as she worked. That leaves Christine without benefits but she could be on Social Security Disability for her mental health issues.

If Kody dropped dead right now, Social Security benefits would go to his legal wife and his biological children who have identified him as their father on birth certificates, etc. If he adopts any children, they would be eligible through him, too. So currently, Robyn and all of the children except the three of Robyn's who would have a living father and mother. If for some reason some of the kids went into legal custody with, say, Christine's mom, then Christine's mom would also receive a benefit because she's their legal guardian. 

 

*Edited to add that I am not sure that Meri, as ex-legal wife, would receive any benefits from Kody if he is paying her alimony/spousal support. 

 

The reason I said 'kids who have identified him' is because a majority of these polygamists did not identify a father so they could 'bleed the beast' i.e. State welfare benefits and collect welfare, medicaid, food stamps, HUD housing, WIC food, etc. Then social services started cracking down on families who did not identify a father so they could determine children who didn't have a father due to incest and also this type of abuse (having a father who should be a provider, but who chooses to remain unidentified so they can't collect money or be prosecuted for bigamy). 

Edited February 17, 2015 by RazzleberryPie

[Absolom]

Christine's mom would not be eligible as legal guardian.  It's spouses, ex-spouses, widows, children, etc.  There has to actually be a relationship.  Social Security doesn't care about spousal support.  They care about legal marriages and their duration.  The easiest means of identifying paternity is by birth certificate but other means are acceptable.  Also widows must be of a certain age or disabled to qualify if they don't have children under 16 at home.  

[GEML]

And social security for children stops at 18, as well as to the legal wife. So Robin would receive a payment today, as would Solomon (who is probably listed with both parents on the birth certificate.) But that's it. At retirement ages, Meri would receive Kody's payment as they were married long enough, as would Robyn. Janelle would receive her portion, as would Christine.

I don't think anyone was left high and dry. I'm sure that Christine "earned" enough money (likely paid by Janelle in payment for child care which would not have been unearned) to qualify for the Earned Income Tax Credit which requires that she earn SOME income. That simply is too much money to walk away from. This also gave Janelle a tax deduction. Given the number of children Christine had, she still would have qualified for state welfare benefits, but this ensure they all have some social security payment.

Robyn may have had no legal working record up to this point. I don't know.

[Trixie Belden]

I don't believe there is a Brown Family-friendly justification for this. Whatever spin they try to put on this, Kody's just trading in the old for the new. I suspect that at some point Kody and Robyn will be monogamous.

 

 

I think Robyn will be monogamous, but I seriously doubt Kody ever will be.  They may very well end up with more (younger) wives with Robyn as #1 and the oldest, if the first 3 come to their senses and take off.  Kody will never be satisfied with just one woman.

[3girlsforus]

Agreed! However, Robyn does not miss an opportunity to elevate her status and that's why it doesn't surprise me that she was chosen. Of course, they will probably give it a much different spin so that it doesn't come across that way. Janelle, who seems aloof and detached on the surface may be portrayed as not caring one way or the other. Now Christine...that's a tricky one; I can't imagine how they will try to make her appear pleased with any of this. 

 

ETA: A thought that popped up in my mind: there has been a lot of talk on whether this is related to Robyn's first three kids and custody...I'm no expert so I just want to put this question out there. Is it possible for the biological parent (David Jessop) to still have custody and for a step-parent to be a legal guardian at the same time? I don't know if this is even allowed or possible, but if it is...could that be a potential angle? As in, if Robyn and her ex were not in the picture hypothetically, she would want to ensure all her kids get to continue to see their Brown family? 

 

I am also not a legal expert but this is what I think. If Robyn dies Kody would have no legal rights to the kids if the father still had legal visitation/custody/support etc. He would only be eligible to be the legal guardian and have custody after Robyn's death if he legally adopted them which would only be possible if David Jessop gave up his parental rights. And if Jessop were to do that, Robyn and Kody would not be required to be married for Robyn to deem Kody the guardian in the event of her death.

[3girlsforus]

And social security for children stops at 18, as well as to the legal wife. So Robin would receive a payment today, as would Solomon (who is probably listed with both parents on the birth certificate.) But that's it. At retirement ages, Meri would receive Kody's payment as they were married long enough, as would Robyn. Janelle would receive her portion, as would Christine.

I don't think anyone was left high and dry. I'm sure that Christine "earned" enough money (likely paid by Janelle in payment for child care which would not have been unearned) to qualify for the Earned Income Tax Credit which requires that she earn SOME income. That simply is too much money to walk away from. This also gave Janelle a tax deduction. Given the number of children Christine had, she still would have qualified for state welfare benefits, but this ensure they all have some social security payment.

Robyn may have had no legal working record up to this point. I don't know.

I'm trying to follow this but I'm confused. Are you saying that all 4 wives would receive Kody's SS payment if he should die or that Janelle and Christine's share would be in the form of payments to the children? 

[Jellybeans]

Maybe the adoptions are already done. Anyone know how to research? Also, adoption records can remain sealed.

I'm trying to follow this but I'm confused. Are you saying that all 4 wives would receive Kody's SS payment if he should die or that Janelle and Christine's share would be in the form of payments to the children?

I thought they had to be legal wives. I have my paperwork ready but one thing I had to bring was a certified copy of our marriage license.

[RazzleberryPie]

Christine's mom would not be eligible as legal guardian.  It's spouses, ex-spouses, widows, children, etc.  There has to actually be a relationship.  Social Security doesn't care about spousal support.  They care about legal marriages and their duration.  The easiest means of identifying paternity is by birth certificate but other means are acceptable.  Also widows must be of a certain age or disabled to qualify if they don't have children under 16 at home.  

In my area grandparents and also aunts/uncles who adopt children who have been orphaned can receive SSI benefits for the child until he/she is 18. I think it used to be 16, but is now 18 as long as the child is still enrolled in school. Not sure if this is a state or national thing. 

 

Thanks for the clarification on spousal support. That's something I'm totally clueless about.

Also, it's pretty funny we're all presuming Kody actually had a real job and paid into SS.

[SometimesBites]

http://www.ssa.gov/survivorplan/onyourown3.htm

 

"If you have a surviving divorced spouse, he or she could get the same benefits as your widow or widower provided that your marriage lasted 10 years or more.

 

Benefits paid to a surviving divorced spouse who meets the age or disability requirement as a widow or widower won't affect the benefit amounts your other survivors will receive based on your earnings record.

 

Note: If your surviving divorced spouse remarries after they reach age 60 (age 50 if disabled), the remarriage will not affect their eligibility for survivors benefits.

 

If your former spouse is caring for your child who is under age 16 or disabled who gets benefits on your record, he or she will not have to meet the length-of-marriage rule. (The child must be your natural or legally adopted child.)

 

However, if he or she qualifies for benefits as a surviving divorced mother or father who is caring for your child, his or her benefits may affect the amount of benefits your other survivors will receive based on your earnings record."

[GEML]

As I said, I'm betting Christine declared something. First, in Meri and Kody's bankruptcy, she was listed as "tenant" so they likely declared some part of her "income" as "rent". And the Earned Income Tax Credit could have been thousands of dollars for Christine - but she needed to declare something.

I'm sure the AUB made sure their members had access to decent tax advice for this. After all, bleeding the beast requires knowing this kind of stuff. Janelle provides income, "pays" Christine , gets the tax write off (thus perhaps getting welfare benefits herself) Christine uses that "income to file taxes, gets the EITC (but makes so little she still gets the welfare) and pays that money to Kody and Meri as "rent" - the "rent" is paid as a tax deductible " tithe" to the church. Perfect circle.

[3girlsforus]

As I said, I'm betting Christine declared something. First, in Meri and Kody's bankruptcy, she was listed as "tenant" so they likely declared some part of her "income" as "rent". And the Earned Income Tax Credit could have been thousands of dollars for Christine - but she needed to declare something.

I'm sure the AUB made sure their members had access to decent tax advice for this. After all, bleeding the beast requires knowing this kind of stuff. Janelle provides income, "pays" Christine , gets the tax write off (thus perhaps getting welfare benefits herself) Christine uses that "income to file taxes, gets the EITC (but makes so little she still gets the welfare) and pays that money to Kody and Meri as "rent" - the "rent" is paid as a tax deductible " tithe" to the church. Perfect circle.

Wow.......just Wow

[CofCinci]

Speaking of taxes....

With the income from the show, Meri and Kody most likely have to pay the IRS income tax --- but if Kody is married to Robyn (just happened to marry 2 weeks before the end of the year), then he can count her children (if exhusband and Robyn don't alernate years) and Solomyn as tax deductions, making it so he doesn't have the pay the IRS anything... Further bleeding the beast?

[Absolom]

They might still have to pay taxes even with the children.  The exemptions don't write off that much income.

[purpleflowers]

I am also not a legal expert but this is what I think. If Robyn dies Kody would have no legal rights to the kids if the father still had legal visitation/custody/support etc. He would only be eligible to be the legal guardian and have custody after Robyn's death if he legally adopted them which would only be possible if David Jessop gave up his parental rights. And if Jessop were to do that, Robyn and Kody would not be required to be married for Robyn to deem Kody the guardian in the event of her death.

Okay, that makes sense. I suppose the scenario I was thinking of was one in which both Robyn AND ex Jessop are gone...then would Kody have any right to the children if he became a legal guardian beforehand?

[3girlsforus]

Okay, that makes sense. I suppose the scenario I was thinking of was one in which both Robyn AND ex Jessop are gone...then would Kody have any right to the children if he became a legal guardian beforehand?

Hmmm... I guess it would depend who went first. If Robyn died and then Jessop would take custody and he would, presumably, set up a legal guardian in the event of his death and I would have to assume it wouldn't be Kody LOL. But if Jessop died and then Robyn would be able to decree anyone she wanted in the event of her death. If they died at the same time, which seems pretty unlikely but just for argument sake,  Kody would probably have to go to court to get custody of the kids. He might have a shot depending on what Jessop had set up for guardianship just because the kids had been living with him but if Jessop had biological family in a position to care of them I would think the court would go that way.  If Robyn has primary custody I don't think she's allowed, without the consent of the other parent, to deem Kody the guardian in the event of her death. 

 

Honestly I don't see any way that Kody gets the kids short of Jessop giving up his rights or dying. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that Kody and Robyn think there is some way they can make it happen. They both seem to believe things will just 'happen' if they want it to be that way. I think Robyn believes if she pretends hard enough there will be some magical DNA shift and her kids will become Kody offspring.

[xls]

Whats from stopping Kod from dumping the whole lot and running off with his one true love Robyn, now that they are married? And why don't the wives take turns being legally married like with everything else?

[wirebitersm]

I think pecking order is Robyn, Robyn's chin, Meri, and Janelle.

[BlackWidow]

 

....So back to Meri divorcing - without a doubt, I think this is her final SCREW YOU to Janelle and Christine and Kody's biological children....

 

          Wait, I'm not following here- how does this screw over the other original wive's kids?

        I thought it would sort of even it out in the sense she can't lord the 'legitimate marriage and kid'

        over the rest of the herd...but yes, I hear you re the point you were making about it doesn't

         seem in their everyday lives it is like 'all the kids are everybody's kids' thing is really

         happening. Does anyone remember when Solomon was born I think I remember Kody saying

         "he looks like my kids!" or something weird like that, just like in the beginning episode when

          he was introducing the wives and he'd say "this is wife whoever and her kids.." Her kids?

         Kinda reeks of wanting to avoid paying back AFDC or food stamps by watching what you say

         about paternity on camera, though I don't know - for all I know maybe he is on every birth

         certificate.

[BlackWidow]

 

Immediately after the marriage to Robin:

#1 Meri

#2 Robin - strategic alliance with Meri

#3 Christine - finally gets to the be the Third Wife, a position that she raved about

#4 Janelle - over it

 

           This is the only one I might disagree with, as I think she felt Robyn became 'third' or more accurately, latest, the other two in the original positions because in Christine's world she had accepted Meri as 'Boss Lady' (sorry but I see much of Nikki on Big Love in Christine) and probably didn't give all that much thought to Janelle, meaning she didn't see either of them as a 'threat'.  That and because her family has being doing this a long time, she has expectations about how people should approach this whole thing.

 

She tries to make a point here

about how it doesn't work if you don't get along with the women, even if you love the man, or love the man but don't like the women- and speaks about how she got along with Meri -which must have sucked for Janelle, because if she tried harder to be friends with Christine, that would only make Meri treat her worse , or maybe the fear was there that would happen. Janelle was likely at work and Meri and Christine were hanging out at home, and Janelle couldn't very well confide in Christine about her rift with Meri for fear she might run and blab to Meri . Maybe that even happened?  Meanwhile, it is telling in the you tube link that Kody doesn't get her point and instead says something about well, the thing is you are marrying the man first, not the women... probably if it were just those two, it would have been kind of a nightmare. They just have very differing weltanschauungs about relationships.

[Zahdii]

...I don't even think Judge Judy could equitably sort out all of these financial and insurance messes, and she's pretty blunt with those small claims she handles on TV.

I'd dearly love to see the Browns appear on Judge Judy.  I've even fanwanked a scenario for it:

 

Meri walks into the courtroom and takes her spot at the Plaintiff's podium.  Robyn and Kody enter, followed by Janelle and Christine.  Robyn stands at the Defendants podium with Kody standing next to her.  Janelle and Christine sit just behind them.  Janelle is calm, Christine is a walking set of terrified nerves.

Announcer:  Meri Brown is suing her sisterwife Robyn Brown for theft.  Meri claims that she loaned Robyn her status as legal wife to Kody Brown to Robyn so they could get insurance for their kids, and now Robyn is refusing to divorce Kody so Meri can remarry him.  Robyn claims that Meri voluntarily divorced Kody so he could marry Robyn and there was never an agreement to have Robyn divorce Kody later, so her marriage to Kody is essentially a gift.

As the case begins, Meri tells JJ that she divorced Kody because her only child is now in college and gets insurance through her college, while Robyn has four children at home who need the insurance that only Kody can provide.

JJ: How is that?  There are innumerable ways for a woman to get medical insurance for her children.  Why would you think that the only way to insure those kids would be for Mr. Adorable here to marry Robyn?

Meri:  Well, that's what they said, and I believed them.  But now I've learned that Robyn didn't need Kody to get insurance, so I want him back.  She manipulated both me and Kody, and now I want him back but she won't divorce him so I can marry him again.

JJ to Robyn:  I warn you right now that I think this whole case is a load of mishegas.  (Robyn looks confused)  I'm telling you madame that I think this whole thing is crazy.  Did you lie to Miss Meri here to cause her to divorce her husband so you could marry him?

Robyn:  I never spoke to her about it until she decided to divorce him.  Then she told me that I should marry him.  If she thought she was helping me by doing that, then that's what she thought.  She might have decided to do it after my oldest son had an accident and we had to wait a year for the surgery to fix his eye because of insurance [problems].  It was already a done deal when I first talked to her about it.  Kody and her talked about it first.

JJ to Kody:  So you're the guy they're fighting over?  I can't imagine why.  What do you have to say about this?

Kody:  Meri wanted to do this to help out Robyn.  It's what sisterwives do.  She saw a lawyer before she even talked to me about it, but I understood why she did it.  I told Robyn about it and then she talked to Meri and it was all settled.

JJ:  I really don't understand all this. 

JJ (to Byrd):  Do you understand this?

Byrd:  They're polygamists.  He married one first, then married the other, but only one marriage was legal.  The second marriage was...something else.  Not a legal marriage.  (Shakes his head)

Robyn:  For us, marriage is a spiritual thing.  There might be one wife that is legally married to the husband, but we're all spiritually married to him.  It's part of our religion.  You see---

JJ to Robyn:  You mean that after Mr. Wonderful here married (nods towards Meri) her, legally, he then went on to marry you?  But your marriage to him, at least at first, was not a legal marriage?  It was a (air quotes) spiritual one?  (Robyn nods)  And you knew that when you got with him?  (Robyn nods again)

JJ to Kody:  Stop preening and flipping your hair.  These two idiots may think you're adorable, I don't.  Do you think you were manipulated into a legal marriage to Miss Robyn here?  And if so, why don't you just divorce her and go back to Miss Meri over there?

Kody:  You're not a polygamist, so you wouldn't understand.  I don't get involved in disputes between my wives unless I feel like it.

JJ:  I see.  So you don't feel like divorcing Miss Robyn and remarrying Meri?

Kody just stands there and tries not to glare at JJ or flip his hair.

JJ (to Meri):  There you have it.  You divorced him and now he's married to her and he doesn't want to change that. 

Meri looks like she's about to protest but a stern look from JJ causes her to close her mouth and stay silent.  She looks over to Robyn and Kody, then at Janelle and Christine.  She tries to get their attention with a gesture, but another quick glance at a visibly annoyed JJ appears to convince her that she's better off remaining silent.

JJ (looks at Janelle and Christine):  Who are these women?  Are they witnesses I need to hear from?

Kody:  This is Janelle and Christine, my other two wives.  Have you ever met someone with four wives before?

JJ:  Oy vey!  You mean there are more of them?

JJ (to Janelle):  Stand up.  Your name is?

Janelle:  Janelle Brown. 

JJ:  Of course it is.  What do you have to say about all this?

Janelle:  Nothing.  I'm just here for moral support.  (Ignore's JJ's look of disgust)  I sell houses.  One day I came home and found out that Meri was divorcing Kody so Robyn could marry him.  It doesn't change anything for me or my kids, so I just let it slide.

JJ:  You have kids with Mr. Adorable here, too?  How many?

Janelle:  Six.  I was his second wife.  Meri was his first.  Christine here was his third.

JJ (to Christine):  Stand up.  You are also (air quotes) married to this man?

Christine stands and nods, while starting to cry.

JJ:  Do you also have children with him?

Christine:  Yes.  Six.

JJ:  Do you have any knowledge of this case?

Christine (shaking):  No.  It was all decided between them and then I was told.

JJ (to Kody):  How are you supporting all of those children?

Kody:  I'm in sales.  (referencing the MLM thing).

JJ (to Meri):  You have one child.  Are you supporting that child?

Meri:  I have a daughter in college, and I pay her tuition.

JJ:  How do you support her?  Do you work?

Meri:  I'm going back to college.

JJ (to Janelle):  And you?  How are your children supported?

Janelle:  I have two in college and four at home.  I support them through my job as a realtor.

JJ (to Robyn):  How do you support your children?

Robyn:  We have an online joory buisness.

JJ:  I see.  (Turns to Christine)  And how about you?

Christine:  I watch the kids.  I've always watched the kids.  Someone has to watch the kids.  Why are you doing this to us?  (turns to Kody)  You see?  I knew this would happen.  I told you this would happen.

JJ:  Do NOT speak to him!  You speak only to me, and only when I ask you a question.  Are we clear on that?

Christine (getting more upset):  Yes, but...  (turns again to Kody)  I told you we shouldn't of come here!  She's against us!  Remember what happened to my grandfather?  It's happening again!  (starts crying harder and shrieking)  They're gonna do it Kody!  They don't understand us, they hate us!

JJ:  Byrd, show her out.

Byrd (to Christine):  Come along with me, ma'am.  You need to wait outside.

Christine clutches Kody's arm while Kody looks disgusted, then he looks to Robyn.  Robyn looks disgusted and angry, then rolls her eyes and motions towards the door.  Kody pries Christine's fingers off him and pushes her towards the door.

Kody:  Stop it!  Just wait outside.

Christine walks to the door while crying out "Kody!  They're breaking us up!  I told you this would happen!  Kody!!!"  The audience is torn between amusment and concern.  Janelle actually looks like she's considering becoming involved, but settles back and gives everyone a stink-eye.

JJ addresses the litigants:  You have, what, 17 kids between you?  And you're trying to raise them on the dubious salaries of a "sales" job that I suspect is some kind of scam (nods to Kody), and a job in real estate and an online jewelry business.  If I were to subpoena your financials, how much would I find out that you five so-called adults make per year?  Are you all actually procreating in the name of religion so that me and Byrd here can support your kids through our tax dollars?

Byrd grunts:  I think they have a TV show.

JJ (to Byrd):  What?  A TV show? 

Byrd (nods):  Yep.  Pretty sure.

JJ (to all the litigants):  Do you have a TV show?  (Gets nods from the litigants and a large portion of the audience.)  So you have a show.  Why are you here?  Is this a publicity stunt?  I bet it is.  (turns to Meri)  Madam, I find your case without merit.  You have been in this (air quotes) lifestyle long enough for your EX-husband to gather another three so-called wives and have close to 20 children between you.  Why you women chose to even share a conversation with this man is beyond me, but you all did, and if you don't like how things are turning out then you should do something other than bother me.  CASE DISMISSED!  Go home to your kids and your TV show.  The cafeteria is serving sushi today and I'm hungry.  Just get out.

As the litigants file out, JJ whispers to Byrd "Even 40 million a year isn't enough to have to deal with these idiots."

[AZChristian]

I'd dearly love to see the Browns appear on Judge Judy.  I've even fanwanked a scenario for it:

 

Meri walks into the courtroom and takes her spot at the Plaintiff's podium.  . . .

As the litigants file out, JJ whispers to Byrd "Even 40 million a year isn't enough to have to deal with these idiots."

 

Classic . . . wonderful.  Watch for this - word for word - on Saturday night live.  Who would play each role?

[4leafclover]

If you ask Kody, I'm sure he wants Brad Pitt to play him and Angelina Jolie to play Robyn................

[Oldernowiser]

Gary Bucey.

Pre-rehab.

ETA: http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1543638/thumbs/o-OWN-OPRAH-WHERE-ARE-THEY-NOW-GARY-BUSEY-facebook.jpg

Edited February 18, 2015 by Oldernowiser

[ChicksDigScars]

Hmmm. With only 4 Caucasian females in the SNL cast, we might have to rely on a female host to play a wife, but I'm thinking that Kate McKinnon  is Christine, Vanessa Bayer is Meri and Aidy Bryant is Robyn. Cecily Strong is too brunette to be a Brown. Maybe Amy Poehler can make an appearance as Janelle? As for Kody? Slap a wig on Bobby Moynihan. He has a wide eyed, clueless, doofus look that would be perfect for Kody. 

Edited February 18, 2015 by ChicksDigScars

[DakotaJustice]

Zahdii just won the internet this morning!

Even better than my recurring fantasy of George Burns as God (Oh, God!) coming to earth and appearing in front of The Browns and a very large audience to set him straight - kody isn't God, he's not getting a planet, and this is all bullshit.

[AZChristian]

Gary Bucey.

Pre-rehab.

ETA: http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1543638/thumbs/o-OWN-OPRAH-WHERE-ARE-THEY-NOW-GARY-BUSEY-facebook.jpg

 

Or Jeff Daniels ("Dumb and Dumber").

[Zahdii]

Zahdii just won the internet this morning!

 

This is very exciting!  Do I get a trophy?  :)

[3girlsforus]

I was thinking Dana Carvey with the Wayne's World wig for Kody.

[SometimesBites]

Gary Bucey.

Pre-rehab.

ETA: http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1543638/thumbs/o-OWN-OPRAH-WHERE-ARE-THEY-NOW-GARY-BUSEY-facebook.jpg

Pre-rehab, post traumatic brain injury.

[MarysWetBar]

Gary Bucey.

Pre-rehab.

ETA: http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1543638/thumbs/o-OWN-OPRAH-WHERE-ARE-THEY-NOW-GARY-BUSEY-facebook.jpg

Gary has too much hair and is a bit too good looking to play Kody....hahahaha

[Taylorh2]

Gary Busey.