Pet Peeves: Aka Things That Make You Go "Gah!"

[magicdog]

43 minutes ago, Growsonwalls said:

What is wrong with soy milk? 

Too much soy messes with your hormones.

 

Quote

 

High-dose soy or soy as a supplement can stop periods or impair fertility because of its strong anti-estrogen effect. Conversely, soy can have a detrimental pro-estrogen effect in men and children.

The other hormonal effects of soy are that it can 1) prevent the healthy uptake of iodine and therefore contribute to breast pain and other premenstrual symptoms, and 2) reduce thyroid hormone by downregulating thyroid peroxidase. Thyroid suppression is less likely to be a problem if there is sufficient iodine intake.

 

 

[bilgistic]

3 hours ago, ABay said:

Adding to the hate of tags and too-high collars. Why is it so hard to find V neck T shirts? And why are all the sleeves so damned short? They're supposed to be short sleeved, not cap sleeved, ffs.

I've gotten mine at Target. They've gotten better over the years with having longer short sleeves. They don't quite reach the bottom of the deltoid muscle, but come close. I can't stand a too-short sleeve!

[supposebly]

On 2/26/2021 at 11:37 AM, theredhead77 said:

Oh that sucks. I hope they get the water back on for you soon!

 

Water is back! It was getting a little ripe around the place, between me and the dishwasher where the cat food dishes piled up. Showers are such a blessing of the modern world!

[GaT]

3 hours ago, annzeepark914 said:

I wonder if her dad created the name by blending girl/midget (back in those days, midget probably wasn't a *known* slur...except by Little People). Or did the male surfers make up that name? I never read the book.

Yep, that's exactly how they got the name

[ABay]

Yes, it's explained in at least one of the movies and probably the series.

Moon doggie, on the other hand...

[Growsonwalls]

My point is I don't need a lecture on the evils of soy milk every time I drink it. Like when did almond milk become the only type of milk you could drink without getting yelled at? 

[SoMuchTV]

38 minutes ago, Growsonwalls said:

My point is I don't need a lecture on the evils of soy milk every time I drink it. Like when did almond milk become the only type of milk you could drink without getting yelled at? 

It’s been a running joke on several shows I’ve watched (The Good Place is the only one that I can think of at the moment) that almond milk is environmentally and morally reprehensible. So, water?

[bilgistic]

56 minutes ago, Growsonwalls said:

My point is I don't need a lecture on the evils of soy milk every time I drink it. Like when did almond milk become the only type of milk you could drink without getting yelled at? 

I don't drink almond milk nor eat almonds if I can help it (not that I actively avoid them; I just don't buy them) because it takes a gallon of water to process a single almond. It takes significantly more water to produce almond milk than soy milk; however, the production of soy milk results in slightly higher greenhouse gas emissions. Dairy milk is the most damaging of all on the environment. I still eat dairy products, and I can't seem to break myself of the habit. I have soy milk in cereal.

Climate change: Which vegan milk is best?

Edited February 28, 2021 by bilgistic

[Growsonwalls]

8 minutes ago, bilgistic said:

I don't drink almond milk nor eat almonds if I can help it (not that I actively avoid them; I just don't buy them) because it takes a gallon of water to process a single almond. It takes significantly more water to produce almond milk than soy milk; however, the production of soy milk results in slightly higher greenhouse gas emissions. Dairy milk is the most damaging of all on the environment. I still eat dairy products, and I can't seem to break myself if the habit.

Climate change: Which vegan milk is best?

I'm not that fond of cheese or dairy milk but I do love eggs, ice cream, and yogurt. Could never give those up. 

Maybe this is a larger peeve but I'm tired of food shaming. I feel like some of it has become performative. The other day someone I follow on SM was making a big show of dumping goat milk a neighbor had sent her into the tub. 

Don't do that. Just decline the goat milk. Don't make a big show of dumping all that milk into the tub. A food bank could have used that milk.

[Katy M]

8 hours ago, Growsonwalls said:

I'm not that fond of cheese or dairy milk but I do love eggs, ice cream, and yogurt. Could never give those up. 

Maybe this is a larger peeve but I'm tired of food shaming. I feel like some of it has become performative. The other day someone I follow on SM was making a big show of dumping goat milk a neighbor had sent her into the tub. 

Don't do that. Just decline the goat milk. Don't make a big show of dumping all that milk into the tub. A food bank could have used that milk.

Not to mention, what does that do for anybody?  It doesn't keep the goats from producing methane, or using up hay/grass, or keep the milk for the baby goats, or whatever this person's issue with goat milk is.

throwing any kind of food out is worse for the environment than consuming it because presumably you are going to replace that by eating or drinking something else, unless you are going on a complete starvation diet.

[magicdog]

9 hours ago, Growsonwalls said:

The other day someone I follow on SM was making a big show of dumping goat milk a neighbor had sent her into the tub. 

Don't do that. Just decline the goat milk. Don't make a big show of dumping all that milk into the tub. A food bank could have used that milk.

Agreed!  That's an awful waste!  Why accept it if you won't drink it or use it in a constructive way?  That could have been nourishment or even soap!

Edited February 28, 2021 by magicdog

[ParadoxLost]

10 hours ago, Growsonwalls said:

I'm not that fond of cheese or dairy milk but I do love eggs, ice cream, and yogurt. Could never give those up. 

Maybe this is a larger peeve but I'm tired of food shaming. I feel like some of it has become performative. The other day someone I follow on SM was making a big show of dumping goat milk a neighbor had sent her into the tub. 

Don't do that. Just decline the goat milk. Don't make a big show of dumping all that milk into the tub. A food bank could have used that milk.

I often wonder what people like that get out of being assholes.  Putting aside wasting food.  A neighbor was kind to this asshole.  And that kindness was repaid by making a scene on social media.

[SuprSuprElevated]

1 hour ago, magicdog said:

Why accept it if you won't drink it or use it in a constructive way?

Clicks and 'likes'.  

[PRgal]

The worst kind of food shaming comes from people who criticize you of bastardizing your own culture (because apparently, you can only bastardize and not appropriate).  It comes from two categories of people:  older women who think you're "losing touch" with your heritage (rather than playing around and re-creating) and the young PC/woke crowd who seem to think like those older ladies.  I made my own version of dan dan mien with middle eastern flavours (subbed sesame paste with hummus (there's tahini in it, right?  So why not?  And extra protein from chickpeas) and that turned some people off.  I really wanted to scream "it's called FUSION, DUMMY!"

ETA:  I ended up calling it "Cin Cin Mien" on social media to avoid issues.  Cin Cin is my Chinese name. 

Edited February 28, 2021 by PRgal

[Katy M]

2 hours ago, PRgal said:

The worst kind of food shaming comes from people who criticize you of bastardizing your own culture (because apparently, you can only bastardize and not appropriate).  It comes from two categories of people:  older women who think you're "losing touch" with your heritage (rather than playing around and re-creating) and the young PC/woke crowd who seem to think like those older ladies.  I made my own version of dan dan mien with middle eastern flavours (subbed sesame paste with hummus (there's tahini in it, right?  So why not?  And extra protein from chickpeas) and that turned some people off.  I really wanted to scream "it's called FUSION, DUMMY!"

ETA:  I ended up calling it "Cin Cin Mien" on social media to avoid issues.  Cin Cin is my Chinese name. 

People have gone insane.  Everyone should be able to eat what they want, wear what they want, do their hair like they want.  Why does anybody else care?

[PRgal]

43 minutes ago, Katy M said:

People have gone insane.  Everyone should be able to eat what they want, wear what they want, do their hair like they want.  Why does anybody else care?

Yeah.  The last time I was food shamed (it was the only time!) was in high school - a girl asked who was "eating tuna salad" and that it was making her sick.  Well, if you don't like the stench of tuna salad, then maybe you should just eat somewhere else. 

[peacheslatour]

5 minutes ago, PRgal said:

Yeah.  The last time I was food shamed (it was the only time!) was in high school - a girl asked who was "eating tuna salad" and that it was making her sick.  Well, if you don't like the stench of tuna salad, then maybe you should just eat somewhere else. 

Tuna salad doesn't really smell bad but I draw the line at nuking fish in the office.

[Katy M]

43 minutes ago, PRgal said:

Yeah.  The last time I was food shamed (it was the only time!) was in high school - a girl asked who was "eating tuna salad" and that it was making her sick.  Well, if you don't like the stench of tuna salad, then maybe you should just eat somewhere else. 

 I would put complaining about smelly food in a different category than just being a nosy busy-body who wants to control everyone else's choices.  In the case of smelly food, it is actually having some effect on her.  However, unless your tuna salad had gone bad, I wouldn't think there would have been that much of a smell.  

[Cobb Salad]

1 hour ago, PRgal said:

Yeah.  The last time I was food shamed (it was the only time!) was in high school - a girl asked who was "eating tuna salad" and that it was making her sick.  Well, if you don't like the stench of tuna salad, then maybe you should just eat somewhere else. 

I was food shamed in Junior High when this “friend” told me in the school cafeteria that the hamburgers they were serving that day were made from horse meat.  I had no idea how she’d know this so I ignored her.  She was sitting there eating her homemade sandwich when she told me this - at the time all I had was my lunch money so I got it and it didn’t taste any different from what I was used to so I think the horse meat story was B.S.   I don’t think she thought much of me after that but I didn’t care.   
Unfortunately I wasn’t quick enough at the time to tell her if I don’t get the hamburger I’ll go hungry so would she be so kind to share her lunch with me.  Looking back on this I’d bet she wouldn’t.  

[Growsonwalls]

6 hours ago, ParadoxLost said:

I often wonder what people like that get out of being assholes.  Putting aside wasting food.  A neighbor was kind to this asshole.  And that kindness was repaid by making a scene on social media.

Well she said she was "showing what I do with food that is unethical." By pouring it down the tub? But she did get lots of social media likes and attention so I'm sure she felt validated that she threw out a neighbor's goat milk when someone could have really used it.

[peacheslatour]

1 hour ago, Growsonwalls said:

Well she said she was "showing what I do with food that is unethical." By pouring it down the tub? But she did get lots of social media likes and attention so I'm sure she felt validated that she threw out a neighbor's goat milk when someone could have really used it.

When my son was a baby he couldn't handle formula so I was looking for something he could drink. I found out then that virtually no one in the world is allergic to goats milk. She could have donated that milk to her local food bank. I bet there's a baby out there that really could have used it.

Edited February 28, 2021 by peacheslatour

[Katy M]

1 hour ago, Cobb Salad said:

I was food shamed in Junior High when this “friend” told me in the school cafeteria that the hamburgers they were serving that day were made from horse meat.  I had no idea how she’d know this so I ignored her.  She was sitting there eating her homemade sandwich when she told me this - at the time all I had was my lunch money so I got it and it didn’t taste any different from what I was used to so I think the horse meat story was B.S.   I don’t think she thought much of me after that but I didn’t care.   
Unfortunately I wasn’t quick enough at the time to tell her if I don’t get the hamburger I’ll go hungry so would she be so kind to share her lunch with me.  Looking back on this I’d bet she wouldn’t.  

And again, any food that didn't get eaten would most likely have been thrown out.  You would not have been saving the life of a horse.  Or a cow.

[Quof]

3 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

Tuna salad doesn't really smell bad

Yeah, it really does.  If you like something - like tuna or egg salad -  you think it smells great.  I can't even sit in a room with someone eating them, the smell is vomit-inducing. 

[peacheslatour]

44 minutes ago, Katy M said:

And again, any food that didn't get eaten would most likely have been thrown out.  You would not have been saving the life of a horse.  Or a cow.

Still, save the horse or no, I'm not eating horse.

[ParadoxLost]

1 hour ago, Growsonwalls said:

Well she said she was "showing what I do with food that is unethical." By pouring it down the tub? But she did get lots of social media likes and attention so I'm sure she felt validated that she threw out a neighbor's goat milk when someone could have really used it.

I don't know why this bothers me so much but it does. I'm so sick of what seems like everyone, everywhere virtue signaling in a way that they and everyone "liking" them don't seem to recognize could be at the expense of an actual person who may have more genuine feelings than they posses and might be hurt be their mocking and meanness.

There is no escaping some variation of this at this point.  Its depressing.

[auntlada]

2 hours ago, Growsonwalls said:

Well she said she was "showing what I do with food that is unethical."

I can read this in two ways. She is showing what she does with "food that is unethical." In this sentence, the food is unethical. Or she is showing "what I do with food" that is unethical, meaning that what she is doing with the food is unethical. I know which one she means, but I prefer to read it as the latter.

[bilgistic]

I'm tired of people telling me I "should" listen to this or that podcast and acting superior or smarter because they get their pop culture/true crime/D-list celebrity updates/etc. from what is essentially a radio talk show.

I'm glad people enjoy podcasts, but I don't want to listen to them. There are thousands of them, and the thought of even starting to listen to one overwhelms me. I watch TV and movies and read online media for my forms of entertainment and to be informed. I've never asked a single person to check into Primetimer's forums (as an example of something I enjoy and don't foist on others). Let people live!

Also, I don't want to have to listen to a podcast to fill in the gaps about a TV show. It should stand alone. I'm not doing homework for a TV show.

Edited March 1, 2021 by bilgistic

[Anela]

36 minutes ago, bilgistic said:

I'm tired of people telling me I "should" listen to this or that podcast and acting superior or smarter because they get their pop culture/true crime/D-list celebrity updates/etc. from what is essentially a radio talk show.

I'm glad people enjoy podcasts, but I don't want to listen to them. There are thousands of them, and the thought of even starting to listen to one overwhelms me. I watch TV and movies and read online media my forms of entertainment and to be informed. I've never asked a single person to check into Primetimer's forums. Let people live!

Also, I don't want to have to listen to a podcast to fill in the gaps about a TV show. It should stand alone. I'm not doing homework for a TV show.

I have so many podcasts downloaded to my phone, that I hardly ever listen to. I had one playing as I walked around the store tonight, and it was from two years ago (the episode). 

I did direct one friend here, when Supernatural ended. She was all emotional, and couldn't talk about it with anyone she knew (including her husband), because they hadn't caught up. I don't know if she signed up, but she needed an outlet, so I sent her the link. 🙂

[WinnieWinkle]

Today's pet peeve:  people (and I am thinking specifically of two of my young relatives who way overshare on FB) who describe every negative interaction they have with someone as either bullying or abuse.  Aside from all else this completely waters down the meaning of what should be two very powerful words.  

[Growsonwalls]

16 hours ago, ParadoxLost said:

I don't know why this bothers me so much but it does. I'm so sick of what seems like everyone, everywhere virtue signaling in a way that they and everyone "liking" them don't seem to recognize could be at the expense of an actual person who may have more genuine feelings than they posses and might be hurt be their mocking and meanness.

There is no escaping some variation of this at this point.  Its depressing.

I was thinking "I hope the neighbor doesn't follow her on IG." But then again I feel like SM is full of performative outrage nowadays. 

[Katy M]

13 hours ago, bilgistic said:

I'm tired of people telling me I "should" listen to this or that podcast and acting superior or smarter because they get their pop culture/true crime/D-list celebrity updates/etc. from what is essentially a radio talk show.

I'm glad people enjoy podcasts, but I don't want to listen to them. There are thousands of them, and the thought of even starting to listen to one overwhelms me. I watch TV and movies and read online media for my forms of entertainment and to be informed. I've never asked a single person to check into Primetimer's forums (as an example of something I enjoy and don't foist on others). Let people live!

Also, I don't want to have to listen to a podcast to fill in the gaps about a TV show. It should stand alone. I'm not doing homework for a TV show.

I don't mind if someone says "you should watch (or read) this" once.  If they keep pushing it, it gets annoying. I DON'T WANT TO!!!!!!

 

[MissFeatherbottom]

On 2/27/2021 at 1:17 PM, WinnieWinkle said:

Current pet peeve: people.  Honest to god.  So we're driving up the main street of the small town we live in when the car ahead of us starts backing up. Turns out he wanted to snag a parking spot and was backing into it.  But to accomplish this he just starts backing up.  We had to slam on the brakes, the guy behind us had to slam on the brakes, the guy behind him...well you get the picture.  Then he narrowly misses our car as he slides past us to manoeuvre into the spot.  The guy behind us honks his horn at this point and the backing up into a parking space guy gives US the finger.  Sigh.  I want to move somewhere where there are no cars allowed!

People are my pet peeve lately, mostly bad drivers too. And I HATE when someone backs into a spot. I get why they do it, it's just super annoying when you aren't expecting them to do it in front of you. 

[KittyMom4]

On 2/27/2021 at 3:06 PM, magicdog said:

Not everything is an insult - maybe it's constructive criticism. 

This. Long story short: During a conversation about her career and lack of advancement, a friend of mine was told that people found her unapproachable at her office because of her facial expression (resting bitch face).  At first she was pissed but then she set a small mirror on her desk and started glancing at herself throughout the day. She noticed that she did have a very sour expression. Going forward she made a point to smile when she was talking to people and as she was going about her work. She said it made a huge difference in how she was viewed and how people reacted to her. She thanked the person who told her. 

 

On 2/27/2021 at 6:00 PM, Browncoat said:

Low-rise pants don't help with that.  I hate low-rise pants.

My god, I am so happy that midrise and high rise pants are in style now. Especially in work out clothes. I love my high rise running pants, contains the jiggle and is much more flattering under a t-shirt,

[bilgistic]

3 minutes ago, BexKeps said:

This. Long story short: During a conversation about her career and lack of advancement, a friend of mine was told that people found her unapproachable at her office because of her facial expression (resting bitch face).  At first she was pissed but then she set a small mirror on her desk and started glancing at herself throughout the day. She noticed that she did have a very sour expression. Going forward she made a point to smile when she was talking to people and as she was going about her work. She said it made a huge difference in how she was viewed and how people reacted to her. She thanked the person who told her.

Imagine a man 1) even being told he was "unapproachable", and 2) changing the way he held his face to please others. Fucking ludicrous.

[ParadoxLost]

1 hour ago, Growsonwalls said:

I was thinking "I hope the neighbor doesn't follow her on IG." But then again I feel like SM is full of performative outrage nowadays. 

I was thinking "I hope her neighbor follows her in IG...also has chickens...gives her the gift of eggs on the side of her house and car."

 

[KittyMom4]

12 minutes ago, bilgistic said:

Imagine a man 1) even being told he was "unapproachable", and 2) changing the way he held his face to please others. Fucking ludicrous.

She was told people found her unapproachable, not that she WAS unapproachable, and it wasn't that she walked around like Polllyanna afterwards, she just made sure when people came to her she immediately smiled. It wasn't about "pleasing others", she was given feedback on a question she asked. It was my friend's experience, and she was very posititive about it.

[peacheslatour]

39 minutes ago, ParadoxLost said:

I was thinking "I hope her neighbor follows her in IG...also has chickens...gives her the gift of eggs on the side of her house and car."

 

Nah, still a waste of food. Especially home grown eggs. Yum!

[Nicmar]

My pet peeve is underarm hair on a woman in a advertisement selling sleeveless shirts. I saw it on Everlane.com last month I could not believe what I saw. what's next pubic hair sticking out of bathing suit bottoms. 😐

[peacheslatour]

10 minutes ago, Nicmar said:

My pet peeve is underarm hair on a woman in a advertisement selling sleeveless shirts. I saw it on Everlane.com last month I could not believe what I saw. what's next pubic hair sticking out of bathing suit bottoms. 😐

Shrug. Women have hair on their bodies, shocking, I know.

[Bastet]

Yeah, what is with women today, thinking they can walk around in public without first removing all their body hair and arranging their faces into pleasant expressions?  And they're all just so damn sensitive.  My stars, next they'll be complaining they should be paid fairly.

Edited March 1, 2021 by Bastet

[auntlada]

6 hours ago, MissFeatherbottom said:

People are my pet peeve lately, mostly bad drivers too. And I HATE when someone backs into a spot. I get why they do it, it's just super annoying when you aren't expecting them to do it in front of you. 

I had a boss who constantly backed into angled street parking, which meant that her car was facing the wrong way on the street. This is not legal parking in our area. One of my co-workers notified the police, and the parking officer came and gave her a ticket. The rest of us were not unhappy about it, as no one liked her (what with her being crazy and just mean).

[BookWoman56]

13 hours ago, bilgistic said:

Imagine a man 1) even being told he was "unapproachable", and 2) changing the way he held his face to please others. Fucking ludicrous.

Although it annoys me to no end that women are told to smile more so as to seem friendlier, I have seen firsthand a male head of department be told that most people in the department found him unapproachable and that his behavior needed to change if he wanted a productive relationship with the people in the department. That said, this was in academia. The male was a new department head hired from the outside. He arrived and decided the regular department head office wasn’t big enough for him and took over the faculty lounge as his own office. He then implemented a closed door policy, meaning he kept his office door shut and anyone wanting to see him had to make an appointment. These actions did not exactly endear him to the faculty of the department, who had previously used the faculty lounge to socialize or for small meetings, and had always been able to drop in to the department head’s office to chat informally (the door would be closed only for private meetings or for short stretches of critical work). A few of them attempted to suggest that most of the faculty were unhappy with these changes, but he made it clear that he didn’t care what they thought. Some of the more senior faculty went to the dean, who then informed the department head that he was perceived as unapproachable and needed to make some changes unless he wanted the entire department to try to force him out. 
I absolutely agree that women receive pushback on their approachability much more than men do and are far too often told to smile to make themselves more approachable or attractive. But occasionally males will get similar feedback, albeit not generally being told to just smile more. 

[Bastet]

5 minutes ago, BookWoman56 said:

But occasionally males will get similar feedback, albeit not generally being told to just smile more. 

This man was told he came off as unapproachable based on specific isolating behaviors - taking over a faculty lounge as his office because the office good enough for all previous holders of his position wasn't big enough for him and closing its door to anyone who didn't have an appointment for even the quickest question.  That's quite different than the woman being told she came off unapproachable because of the natural shape of her face.

[Sun-Bun]

20 hours ago, Nicmar said:

My pet peeve is underarm hair on a woman in a advertisement selling sleeveless shirts. I saw it on Everlane.com last month I could not believe what I saw. what's next pubic hair sticking out of bathing suit bottoms. 😐

I hear ya, @Nicmar; although I’m well aware of the fact that American society has long forced this hairless female preference upon us and that YES, women no longer have to be forced into the patriarchal pressure of shaving off their excess body hair to fit into modern society, the fact of the matter is that many of us just don’t like seeing/having excess body hair anyway and are A-okay with removing it.

It’s just a preference, not a political statement: I’m a 43-year-old female who likes shaving my legs, pits and vag. 
I’m not into the creepy hairless waxed craze either, but I think there’s a happy medium to uphold here. Most men and women alike are as naturally hairy as cavemen and could use some flattering extra grooming, quite frankly.
 

And maybe it’s just the 90’s teen in me, but I don’t like seeing hairy pits or bushes on myself or other women. Hell, I don’t even like hairy pits or furry chest pies on men and wish they’d shave/remove excessive body hair as much as we ladies do.

Excessively hairy bodies look gross to me and they often carry extra sweat/odor; like I still have PTSD from an ex whose chest hair sweat used to drip on me whenever we’d get intimate. Or I can’t help but sadly consider the older teenage special needs students I teach who are naturally a bit more pungent thanks to all that excess hair their families refuse to help them remove. 
And I don’t care what people think: you’ll never convince me that unibrows are attractive or acceptable. Ditto mustaches on women or backhair on men or asshair on ANYONE. 
 

Happy shaving/waxing to my fellow body-hairless few!

[peacheslatour]

8 hours ago, BookWoman56 said:

Although it annoys me to no end that women are told to smile more so as to seem friendlier, I have seen firsthand a male head of department be told that most people in the department found him unapproachable and that his behavior needed to change if he wanted a productive relationship with the people in the department. That said, this was in academia. The male was a new department head hired from the outside. He arrived and decided the regular department head office wasn’t big enough for him and took over the faculty lounge as his own office. He then implemented a closed door policy, meaning he kept his office door shut and anyone wanting to see him had to make an appointment. These actions did not exactly endear him to the faculty of the department, who had previously used the faculty lounge to socialize or for small meetings, and had always been able to drop in to the department head’s office to chat informally (the door would be closed only for private meetings or for short stretches of critical work). A few of them attempted to suggest that most of the faculty were unhappy with these changes, but he made it clear that he didn’t care what they thought. Some of the more senior faculty went to the dean, who then informed the department head that he was perceived as unapproachable and needed to make some changes unless he wanted the entire department to try to force him out. 
I absolutely agree that women receive pushback on their approachability much more than men do and are far too often told to smile to make themselves more approachable or attractive. But occasionally males will get similar feedback, albeit not generally being told to just smile more. 

In any other profession he would have been fired and escorted from the property by security.

[WinnieWinkle]

8 hours ago, Bastet said:

That's quite different than the woman being told she came off unapproachable because of the natural shape of her face.

I also rarely (as in never) have heard personally of a man in a professional setting being told how much prettier (handsome I guess) he'd be if he cut his hair a certain way/just wore some make-up/dressed differently.  I've experienced this and had this related to me by others and it's ridiculous.  I can totally see a supervisor having to speak to someone if they are dressing very inappropriately for the workplace but that's completely different from telling someone how much better looking they would be if they would only change X, Y or Z.  Unless you're a model or in the entertainment field how "pretty" you look should not be a topic for discussion in the workplace!

Edited March 2, 2021 by WinnieWinkle

[annzeepark914]

On 2/28/2021 at 1:52 PM, peacheslatour said:

Tuna salad doesn't really smell bad but I draw the line at nuking fish in the office.

I did that *once*. It was leftover grilled halibut and I had no idea it would cause the entire office to smell. Had my lunch and went out to run errands. You can imagine the greetings I got on my return. Payback was years later when Mr P914 reheated fish in our microwave. Yikes!

[peacheslatour]

9 minutes ago, annzeepark914 said:

I did that *once*. It was leftover grilled halibut and I had no idea it would cause the entire office to smell. Had my lunch and went out to run errands. You can imagine the greetings I got on my return. Payback was years later when Mr P914 reheated fish in our microwave. Yikes!

Our office had a "No fish or brussel sprouts in the microwave" policy. Except one time we got audited by the state. The auditor was using the conference room which was right next to the kitchen. I was in reception when I started to smell the unmistakable stench of nuked fish. It took me a minute before I realized the bosses were doing it on purpose.

Edited March 2, 2021 by peacheslatour

[BookWoman56]

9 hours ago, Bastet said:

This man was told he came off as unapproachable based on specific isolating behaviors - taking over a faculty lounge as his office because the office good enough for all previous holders of his position wasn't big enough for him and closing its door to anyone who didn't have an appointment for even the quickest question.  That's quite different than the woman being told she came off unapproachable because of the natural shape of her face.

I think that’s one of the fundamental differences in how men and women are treated in the workplace. For a male to be told he”s not approachable, his behavior has to be egregious. For a female, it’s everything from her normal facial expression to the way she dresses to not being an extrovert. That is, for men it’s more objective criteria and specific behavior they can change, whereas for women it’s often subjective criteria based on appearance or behavior they shouldn’t need to modify.
Very early in my career I was told that I didn’t seem “friendly” enough, in the opinion of a senior executive. I modified my behavior by forcing myself to engage in small talk in my subsequent interactions with her. I still resent that feedback, because my actual job performance was extremely high, based on objective criteria, none of which had anything to do with chatting with executives. I will admit that in certain circumstances, it’s useful to be sociable with colleagues and clients, but these days I sometimes engage in social chat with colleagues primarily as a conscious choice of a tactic to build rapport. I seriously have a reminder on my work calendar to do so with a specific colleague who values small talk. In the corporate world, I have never heard criticism of a male for not being friendly; it’s usually been that a specific male is arrogant, short-tempered, or condescending. 

[WinnieWinkle]

57 minutes ago, peacheslatour said:

Our office had a "No fish or brussel sprouts in the microwave" policy. Except one time we got audited by the state. The auditor was using the conference room which was right next to the kitchen. I was in reception when I started to smell the unmistakable stench of nuked fish. It took me a minute before I realized the bosses were doing it on purpose.

One of my relatives is an auditor - luckily she is pretty thick skinned and has a good sense of humour because she is definitely not often welcomed with open arms at various workplaces!

On the subject of smelly fish though my son-in-law is so allergic to fish that even smelling it can cause him to need his epipen.  I am sympathetic of course and we would never have fish when he is over for a meal but I am a tuna fish for lunch fanatic and more than once when he has dropped by unexpectedy he's had to stay outside - honestly I can't even smell it but boy can he!  Poor guy.