Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[Christina87]

43 minutes ago, allonsyalice said:

Honestly, I'd like to add to the pitfalls of dating. I'm younger than you, and while I have a date lined up for next week (my first in over a year, oof) theres nothing very ...enjoyable about it? While my friends are getting engaged (And married! and having children, yikes), I've never really yearned for it. And dating is truly rough. they can be so awkward if theres no chemistry, and yes, creeps are everywhere, which is just disheartening. 

I'd much MUCH rather be alone, honestly!!

I laugh soooo hard when people say, "I'm jealous of you, out dating and having fun!" Ummmm...what is fun about it? Mostly it's meeting did after dud, occasionally getting a funny story from it if you survive the date. Also, it sucks to have to disappoint a human being who really liked you, but you don't feel the same. Sure, having that one AMAZING date out of the blue is exciting, but then it's such a letdown when things fizzle out, as they usually do. I'd rather have an AMAZING evening with my husband every now and then, and then NOT get disappointed a week later when he leaves. Sure, you can try to adjust your attitude and "just think of the date as having a new experience and don't have expectations," but then it seems pointless. I'd rather have an experience with a friend I already like, than some guy who might be a total waste of time!

I remember in middle school, saying, "the only people who love middle school are making someone else's life miserable!" That's how I feel about dating. IMO, the only people who LOVE dating love it because they're players, going out and using people, which i guess is "fun" to them. If you care about hurting peoples' feelings, I can't imagine how that would be fun. Also, I could possibly see it being fun if you're in a dramatically different place in life than I am. I could see it being enjoyable if you're an older person, for example, whose kids have grown, and you don't have to worry about the future as much, or if you live in a very isolated place with few friends, and each date is a welcome social interaction. But dating at 31 and wanting a family, while all your friends have it already and go home to the same person each night, really isn't fun!

Edited January 4, 2019 by Christina87

[doodlebug]

6 minutes ago, Christina87 said:

I remember in middle school, saying, "the only people who love middle school are making someone else's life miserable!" That's how I feel about dating. IMO, the only people who LOVE dating love it because they're players, going out and using people, which i guess is "fun" to them. If you care about hurting peoples' feelings, I can't imagine how that would be fun. Also, I could possibly see it being fun if you're in a dramatically different place in life than I am. I could see it being enjoyable if you're an older person, for example, whose kids have grown, and you don't have to worry about the future as much, or if you live in a very isolated place with few friends, and each date is a welcome social interaction. But dating at 31 and wanting a family, while all your friends have it already and go home to the same person each night, really isn't fun!

When I was in high school, my mother used to tell me that this was the best years of my life and I remember thinking, 'God, I hope not'.  It wasn't until years later that I realized that my mom had to drop out of high school to help support the family after her sophomore year and the reason she thought high school was so fabulous was because she missed much of it and had some fantasy version playing in her head.  Thank God, she was wrong, high school, even today, is still kind of a low point for me.  I wouldn't mind weighing what I did then, but, otherwise, never in a million years would I go back.

I think the only people who think dating is so much fun and wonderful are either 1) Players like you said above or 2) married or in a committed relationship and forgetting the 90% awful/10% terrific ratio that most of us encounter.

[Christina87]

25 minutes ago, doodlebug said:

When I was in high school, my mother used to tell me that this was the best years of my life and I remember thinking, 'God, I hope not'.  It wasn't until years later that I realized that my mom had to drop out of high school to help support the family after her sophomore year and the reason she thought high school was so fabulous was because she missed much of it and had some fantasy version playing in her head.  Thank God, she was wrong, high school, even today, is still kind of a low point for me.  I wouldn't mind weighing what I did then, but, otherwise, never in a million years would I go back.

I think the only people who think dating is so much fun and wonderful are either 1) Players like you said above or 2) married or in a committed relationship and forgetting the 90% awful/10% terrific ratio that most of us encounter.

Amen!!! Agreed on both points. Also, those married people have the happy ending of meeting their spouse. We have to keep dating without having any idea if all this wasted time, awkward encounters, and emotional highs and lows, will ever pay off!

[Scarlett45]

2 hours ago, allonsyalice said:

Honestly, I'd like to add to the pitfalls of dating. I'm younger than you, and while I have a date lined up for next week (my first in over a year, oof) theres nothing very ...enjoyable about it? While my friends are getting engaged (And married! and having children, yikes), I've never really yearned for it. And dating is truly rough. they can be so awkward if theres no chemistry, and yes, creeps are everywhere, which is just disheartening. 

I'd much MUCH rather be alone, honestly!!

Maybe you’re aromantic? (Or on that spectrum). I say that because I think I’m probably aromantic. That DRIVE for romantic love or partnership that most people seem to have doesn’t exist inside of me. It wasn’t until I was 30 that I realized all this time women weren’t (just) talking about their need for partnered sex! If figured this out by talking to asexual people who wanted to get married. Yes I felt so dumb. 

[emma675]

I'm 42 and I've gone back and forth my whole life on dating and marriage. Some days I think I really want to be married and some days I'm thrilled to be single.

I'm an introvert so I need my alone time at the end of the day after dealing with work folks all day. Coming home to a husband would make me crazy some days. Maybe I've lived alone too long at this point and I'm too set in my ways to ever make a marriage work, I don't know.

I did try online dating for a second last year. Talk about duds! I either got messages from dudes who took shirtless gym pics, guys who were waaaaay older than me, or guys talking about sex right off the bat. I put a lot of effort into my profile, too. It was pretty much a total waste of time for me.

Edited January 4, 2019 by emma675d

[Scarlett45]

1 hour ago, Christina87 said:

Also, I could possibly see it being fun if you're in a dramatically different place in life than I am. I could see it being enjoyable if you're an older person, for example, whose kids have grown, and you don't have to worry about the future as much, or if you live in a very isolated place with few friends, and each date is a welcome social interaction. But dating at 31 and wanting a family, while all your friends have it already and go home to the same person each night, really isn't fun!

Awww ((((Hugs))))) hon!!!

[Natalie68]

On 12/20/2018 at 11:44 AM, Nysha said:

I need some advice. 

I'm going to my mom & stepdad's for Christmas for the first time in about 15 years. My sister, her wife, and 2 of her grandchildren will be there. Although we haven't exchanged gifts in a long time, both my mom and sister posted on Facebook about gifts, so I will probably have one or two under the tree.

The problem is, I'm completely broke and cannot afford to buy anything. I've saved money for gas and a few groceries while I'm there, but I haven't even gotten my kids or grandkids any Christmas gifts because the money just isn't there. Should I tell my folks now that having me come for Christmas is their gift? I feel like such a loser, but in the last month I've had my car breakdown, my wages garnished for an old medical bill, and I now have to pay for my prescriptions instead of getting them free at the clinic because I've got health insurance. I've have a budget I'm sticking to, so I know that this is just a temporary thing, but I feel weird getting gifts, knowing that I haven't reciprocated.

I know Xmas has come and gone but this was me one year when I was on disability and had zero money for gifts.  We have a cousin that none of us had seen since he was 10 and we all loathed him.  He was a huge brat and according to his sister he still is (at 45).  Anyhoo, I found some old pics of him and wrapped them up as gifts for my sisters.  It was hilarious!  Now it is a yearly thing that SOMEONE gets Lil Billy swag and we try and outdo each other (pajamas one year with his face on them).  Last year I took one of those ornaments that you can put photos in, cut out his face from various photos and glued them over the fake family that they put as a display and gave to one sister.  So each face (2 on one side and 1 on the other) had a Lil Billy of various ages.  My other sister got it this year.  It has extended to his sister and a few other relatives.  As adults no one really needs anything and I find now that we are all older just seeing each other is a gift. 

[Zella]

6 hours ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

When talking about the pitfalls of dating, I'm 38 and would love to date but my job doesn't allow me to use dating apps.  Not that my employer has not me , but I work in a public library and I already have dealt with too many creeps.  If I put my information out there I know of at least one man who would make my life miserable.   

I've worked in a library for years, too, and it really does make you a magnet for weirdos. I'm not a woman who usually gets tons of attention from men--I've been told I can be intimidating--but I was perennially popular with all the creepy, lonely middle-aged men who hung out at the library. And it wasn't just me. It was all the ladies on the staff. I think I've talked about the weird retired Elvis impersonator who got taken away with me on here. . . .

[allonsyalice]

3 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

Maybe you’re aromantic? (Or on that spectrum). I say that because I think I’m probably aromantic. That DRIVE for romantic love or partnership that most people seem to have doesn’t exist inside of me. It wasn’t until I was 30 that I realized all this time women weren’t (just) talking about their need for partnered sex! If figured this out by talking to asexual people who wanted to get married. Yes I felt so dumb. 

You might be right! I'm hesitant to say that bc I do get MAD crushes. But I am asexual, and those two tend to go hand in hand. Honestly, if this upcoming date doesnt go well, I'm gonna throw in the towel FOREVER. 

[Scarlett45]

29 minutes ago, allonsyalice said:

You might be right! I'm hesitant to say that bc I do get MAD crushes. But I am asexual, and those two tend to go hand in hand. Honestly, if this upcoming date doesnt go well, I'm gonna throw in the towel FOREVER. 

Awwww. Good luck then. 

Yes meeting and speaking with asexual people made me realize I was “different”. Asexuality made sense to me from a statistical level, but I was surprised to learn some asexual people want to date and get married. That sent me down the rabbit hole of discovering the aromanticism.

 

I cannot take credit for this but the most accurate quote I’ve ever read about romantic relationships was “it’s like giving a vegetarian the option of eating meat or starving to death”, and I as a vegetarian was like “YAAAAASSSSSS that’s how I feel when people keep suggesting I find a man. When did I ever say I wanted a man?!” Actually I find that men seem to understand my perspective more than the women in my life- not having the emotional bandwidth for a romantic relationship. 

[ChiCricket]

3 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

Maybe you’re aromantic?

I swear, I learn so much on these forums. Who knew? (not me)

http://www.michianaglbtcenter.org/difference-aromantic-asexual/

[Lisa418722]

Some of these comments about dating make me feel better.  I feel like I'm the first date queen, I mainly date guys I meet online and honestly not that often.  I go to a tiny church  and have tried a larger church, but I have trouble finding my niche.  I work in a law firm and either they are baby attorneys or the older ones are married - and I know they are married.  My problem is I'm a liberal Christian and it's hard to find someone who is not a Trump supporter, especially living in the south (I know they exist, I just can't find anyone).  The last "date" I had was with a guy who wanted to meet for drinks, meaning I ordered a Coke, he didn't even ask me if I wanted anything to eat. We had absolutely nothing to say to each other; we spent most of our time watching a football game. At the end I got ready to walk out and he said "oh, don't worry, I'll take care of this."  Yup, you asked me out and it was a Coke, not like a meal. But better than the guy who spent three hours talking about himself to the point where when I escaped to the bathroom, the waitress asked me if I had had a chance to say anything.   I would like to meet someone, but I'm not desperate and I am OK with being single. 

[Jynnan tonnix]

22 minutes ago, ChiCricket said:

I swear, I learn so much on these forums. Who knew? (not me)

http://www.michianaglbtcenter.org/difference-aromantic-asexual/

So do I...and even more so, given that I read it as "aromatic" the first few times!

[Scarlett45]

SO guess what?

 

You may remember in the Jinger & Jeremy thread a few weeks ago we were discussing Jeremy's favorite Backstreet Boys song. 

THIS GAL is going to see them August 10th as they will be in Chicago. For your listening pleasure. 

[Love2dance]

1 hour ago, ChiCricket said:

I swear, I learn so much on these forums. Who knew? (not me)

http://www.michianaglbtcenter.org/difference-aromantic-asexual/

You beat me to it, CHICRICKET!

[crazycatlady58]

7 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

Maybe you’re aromantic? (Or on that spectrum). I say that because I think I’m probably aromantic. That DRIVE for romantic love or partnership that most people seem to have doesn’t exist inside of me. It wasn’t until I was 30 that I realized all this time women weren’t (just) talking about their need for partnered sex! If figured this out by talking to asexual people who wanted to get married. Yes I felt so dumb. 

I want to thank everyone for this conversation. I made me understand why I have always been different. It is nice to have a "label" explaining how I feel.

[Scarlett45]

9 minutes ago, crazycatlady58 said:

I want to thank everyone for this conversation. I made me understand why I have always been different. It is nice to have a "label" explaining how I feel.

You are welcome!! It’s very hard to identify a “lack” of something. That’s why I think I too wondered why I was “off” for so long. Had I been a lesbian my lack of interest in a male romantic partner would’ve made sense (DUH cause I’d be a lesbian!); but to most certainly know you’re heterosexual yet feel as if you’re not like OTHER heterosexuals....yeah I was 30 before I figured this out (I’m 33). 

[crazycatlady58]

Well I am 62 and you have given me a large measure of peace about my self. I do love this group and wish we could meet. To be honest I have a bit of a daydream that we all meet at a large restaurant. We are wearing name tags with our forum names and the hostess is going nuts trying to figure out Crazy Cat Lady, Happy Fat Chick ect.

[ChiCricket]

Just to show there is hope out there....I present my older sister's story. 
  She has been a devoted Christian ever since she divorced her first husband. 

I think her next three husbands  "said"  they were Christians to get her to marry them, and have a decent place to live. (she's a big time people rescuer)

 She has been married five times altogether:

1.) to S. for 20 years (he was physically violent to her)

2.) to C. for 7 Years (he slept with other women when drunk, which was often. He gave off a very creepy vibe, and nobody in our family ever let their kids anywhere near him)

3. to W. for 6 years (he pulled a knife on her after she refused his demand for a BJ)

4.) To J. for 11 years (who asked her for a divorce just two months after she inherited some money from our aunt. He got a good payout and her dog.)

5.) Now she has been married for five years to B.

 They met on eHarmony 10 months after J. divorced her, and 4 months after B’s wife of 56 years died of breast cancer. 

  Now my sister seems to have the best marriage ever. 
 It's like it was meant to be. They (and their families) get along so well. 

 They're both in their 70's and go to church together, fish together, and play Santa and Mrs. Claus together for homeless kids in shelters. They are so darn cute! 

(I hope I didn't just jinx it.) 😂
 

Edited January 5, 2019 by ChiCricket

[Barb23]

I feel the same way @crazycatlady58& love your daydream about us all meeting. I post on other boards but not nearly as much as here.  I feel like I'm with strangers on the other boards & am so glad to come back here to my cyber friends.  As we all say - it's amazing such a great group of people have been brought together because of the Duggars. 

[Christina87]

1 hour ago, Barb23 said:

I feel the same way @crazycatlady58& love your daydream about us all meeting. I post on other boards but not nearly as much as here.  I feel like I'm with strangers on the other boards & am so glad to come back here to my cyber friends.  As we all say - it's amazing such a great group of people have been brought together because of the Duggars. 

I agree!!! This board is the best. I feel everyone is accepted here, and there's not confrontational natures and judgment like there is on some boards. The people here are sweet to each other, and don't hold grudges / get nasty / demand sources etc when we disagree. I think this is a group of genuinely kind, caring people! I guess it makes sense that we met over the duggars, because empathetic people would probably be drawn to this show. I love all of you so much!!! This is by far my favorite board, and I definitely think the restaurant meetup fantasy is an awesome one!!!

Edited January 5, 2019 by Christina87

[Christina87]

1 hour ago, ChiCricket said:

Just to show there is hope out there....I present my older sister's story. 
  She has been a devoted Christian ever since she divorced her first husband. 

I think her next three husbands  "said"  they were Christians to get her to marry them, and have a decent place to live. (she's a big time people rescuer)

 She has been married five times altogether:

1.) to S. for 20 years (he was physically violent to her)

2.) to C. for 7 Years (he slept with other women when drunk, which was often. He gave off a very creepy vibe, and nobody in our family ever let their kids anywhere near him)

3. to W. for 6 years (he pulled a knife on her after she refused his demand for a BJ)

4.) To J. for 11 years (who asked her for a divorce just two months after she inherited some money from our aunt. He got a good payout and her dog.)

5.) Now she has been married for five years to B.

 They met on eHarmony 10 months after J. divorced her, and 4 months after B’s wife of 56 years died of breast cancer. 

  Now my sister seems to have the best marriage ever. 
 It's like it was meant to be. They (and their families) get along so well. 

 They're both in their 70's and go to church together, fish together, and play Santa and Mrs. Claus together for homeless kids in shelters. They are so darn cute! 

(I hope I didn't just jinx it.) 😂
 

PULLED A KNIFE BECAUSE SHE TURNED DOWN A BJ?????? Omg!!!!! If you wrote that in a book, it would never get published because it would be TOO unrealistic!!! It does give me inspiration, not just because of the happy ending, but because it helps me to see that other people have crazier stories than I do. My first boyfriend, when I was a teen, did such ridiculous things that I thought about writing a lightly veiled "fiction" book, but then decided it would be too unrealistic. He was definitely my Chelsea/adam relationship, for TM2 fans. Most involve his mom, who was nuts. Some crazy things:

• His mom drove to the beach in defiance and stayed a week because he wanted to iron his own shirt
• he broke up with me once because his mom had a dream that I burned their house down
• he broke up with me another time when I wanted to walk to his neighbor's house with him, and he didn't want me to go (we were ALWAYS breaking up over something stupid, and then he would reel me back in. I was a dumb kid lol!)
• His mom told him that he couldn't drive after dark at 23. Not as a punishment...because she thought it was dangerous and he wasn't "ready"
• once we were going somewhere innocent, like for ice cream or something. His mom actually stood against the back of his car to keep him from going since it was after dark! She finally moved, and then was clawing at the windows and screaming like a banshee as we pulled out of the driveway!
• once I was in his bathroom throwing up, and his mom thought I was trying to seduce him for sex
• His mom disliked me so much that she would have parties for students she liked and never invited me (she always hated me, and for the record, I was never anything but kind to her)
• his mom talked crap about me loudly in the bathroom at a chorus concert, calling me a slut, psycho, and stalker (because if he blew me off and I called him, I was "stalking"), and my professor came out of the stall and started shouting at her about how untrue that was, and how lucky her son was to have someone like me. I was so grateful to her!
• His mom wouldn't let me ride with their family to a play when my car was broken because the car ride was "family time"
• he had a color he would wear every day of the week, and never would deviate from that plan, ever
• he broke a date one time because "mom wanted to go to the grocery store"
• his mom told him he could never talk on the phone with me again, and made him hang up, but was too stupid to realize he could just walk outside and call me back, which he did
• i called him every day for a week one time, and he never answered. Finally, he called me back, angry, because he'd been sick and I was "bothering" him. Ummm I don't read minds!
• once I left a skirt at his place, and his mom accused me of planting it so I would have an excuse to come back and get it (and it was there for an innocent reason). And we had been dating over a year at that point! I didn't need some stupid excuse to come see him. 
• I finished the yearbook (I was the editor) and went to his place to celebrate. We were so excited that we ended up talking until 4 am! She insisted on "supervising" us, and kept yawning dramatically. He pointed out that she could go to bed, and I offered to leave, and she said, "oh no! I'm awake now!" Then she pitched a fit the next day because I kept her from sleeping. Ummm, pretty sure we were BOTH involved, and I volunteered to leave. Then she made a rule that I could never come in her house again, but that didn't last long. 

Hahahaha that is just what I can think of off the top of my head! I'm sure there were lots of even dumber things that happened! I'm not even counting the mean or cruel things he did, but more the things that I think would be unbelievable if they were supposedly fiction! Hope some of you got a laugh. Luckily, all of my boyfriends since him have been normal, LOL!!! Maybe they didn't work out, but at least they weren't off their rockers!

[Barb23]

One of my posts on another board was taken the wrong way by the writer of the post I was quoting.  I knew it probably would be & shouldn't have posted it but went ahead anyway. I'm not going to respond to her post because it wasn't a big deal & don't want to get in trouble with their mods.  It got me thinking to how great this board is for the reasons @Christina87 listed in her post.

I am adding we have great mods too. They are very lenient when we get off topic & for the most part a simple friendly reminder is all it takes to get us back on topic.  I feel they let a lot of things slide when they shouldn't.  So just letting them know how much we  appreciate them.

[Happyfatchick]

6 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

So do I...and even more so, given that I read it as "aromatic" the first few times!

Oh, THANK YOU for admitting that!  I read it that way too, but untangled it almost immediately.  And YET... very time I saw it in subsequent posts, it was aromatic all over again.  

 

2 hours ago, crazycatlady58 said:

Well I am 62 and you have given me a large measure of peace about my self. I do love this group and wish we could meet. To be honest I have a bit of a daydream that we all meet at a large restaurant. We are wearing name tags with our forum names and the hostess is going nuts trying to figure out Crazy Cat Lady, Happy Fat Chick ect.

I SOOOOO wish we could have this gathering.  We’ve had many cyber gatherings over the years, and they’re all interesting.  We have at least lone of everything in this group, and it’s so FUN!!  To get other perspectives, and the respectful ways all are received makes me so proud to be a part of it.  If we ever pulled it off, we’d have soo sooo much fun together!  However... the hostess won’t have to figure out who I am, I AM the hostess.

 

28 minutes ago, Barb23 said:

  I am adding we have great mods too. They are very lenient when we get off topic & for the most part a simple friendly reminder is all it takes to get us back on topic.  I feel they let a lot of things slide when they shouldn't.  So just letting them know how much we  appreciate them.

I have been long convinced that mods don’t bother with us any more.  We don’t really have a purpose, and the original show we came together over no longer exists.  We’re just kind of hanging out here on the porch shooting the breeze.  I guess a mod may wander through here occasionally (I’m sure it’s on someone’s required reading list).  But I envision them mentally saying “yep, they’re still at it”.  

[ChiCricket]

On 1/3/2019 at 10:22 PM, Christina87 said:

https://siblingsupport.org/

 How interesting. I just watched the little video on the site (made in Japan)

and then immediately shared it on Facebook. Such a good idea.

Edited January 5, 2019 by ChiCricket

[beckie]

Hi. Hope it's okay to jump in! 

 

Just wanted to say I really enjoy you guys! I've been reading this thread for a bit but have been to shy to say anything.

 

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

[Scarlett45]

4 minutes ago, beckie said:

Hi. Hope it's okay to jump in! 

 

Just wanted to say I really enjoy you guys! I've been reading this thread for a bit but have been to shy to say anything.

 

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Hello! Don’t be shy. Welcome. 

[Jynnan tonnix]

12 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

You are welcome!! It’s very hard to identify a “lack” of something. That’s why I think I too wondered why I was “off” for so long. Had I been a lesbian my lack of interest in a male romantic partner would’ve made sense (DUH cause I’d be a lesbian!); but to most certainly know you’re heterosexual yet feel as if you’re not like OTHER heterosexuals....yeah I was 30 before I figured this out (I’m 33). 

I know what you mean...I have a "lack" as well, which I know I've mentioned here in the past, but it took me until I was about 50 to actually sort it out/admit to it. I've grown to suspect that I'm somewhere on the autism spectrum, which may or may not have something to do with my being born two months early, but grew up with an almost debilitating shyness and social anxiety, which I've been able to overcome to a point, but am still extremely introverted, and while I can talk your ear off one-to-one, I withdraw as soon as even one more person is added to the mix.

But the biggest thing, and the one which I've only recently sort of started coming to grips with, is that I don't think I really feel love. I didn't really notice that because (as someone mentioned upthread of themselves and another acquaintance), I'm prone to EPIC crushes, and actually spent almost my entire adult life, even into probably 30 years of marriage, pining for someone else who was patently unavailable (a cousin). It's finally dissipated now that I'm too old to much care, and in retrospect I'm not even sure I loved him as much as that he represented everything I didn't and couldn't have (if that makes any sense). Other than that, with the exception of maybe my kids, there's pretty much no one out there who I deal with on a regular enough basis for them to occasionally anger or frustrate me whom I wouldn't just as soon see gone. It's not even that I particularly dislike people in general, and I even have a reasonable sense of empathy, but I simply don't seem to have whatever everyone else seems to, where you actually feel as though there is an unbreakable connection or bond there, and the thought of losing them is a fundamentally horrible thing to imagine, even when it comes to family, for instance, who are difficult to be around. I'm not quite sure how to describe it, but it just seems that most everyone else feels something for others which I just don't. Aside from the aforementioned crushes which fooled me for most of my life into thinking I actually loved intensely where I was actually only responding to things which were, for the most part, completely imaginary (the cousin, there was a spark with, when I was 17 and they came to visit us from England for a couple of weeks, but other crushes were of the celebrity sort).

Sorry for the novel here, but with everyone spilling guts, it all had to come out again. As with others here, I so appreciate this group, because we really run the gamut(s?) between/among pretty much every sort of person from the introverts to extroverts, religious to atheist, the well-off to the struggling both in financial and health issues, the serious to the funny...we just have it all, and somehow manage to not only very, very rarely ruffle any feathers, but to actually support each other. That's got to be pretty remarkable!

[lookeyloo]

So interesting to hear everyone's perspectives.  It's so true that there is no one size fits all.  And that is what makes the world an interesting place, at least to me.

And, by the way, The Sun is Out!  We are taking a ride!!!!  Topped off with something to eat on the way home.  Yay!!!!!  

[Suzn]

I've only posted on this thread a time or two because I think I'm too private/introverted to share much personal information, even anonymously.  I do keep up with it, usually daily, because I find this lovely group always interesting.  Thanks to all of you who share their lives here.  Happy New Year!

[galaxychaser]

1 hour ago, lookeyloo said:

So interesting to hear everyone's perspectives.  It's so true that there is no one size fits all.  And that is what makes the world an interesting place, at least to me.

And, by the way, The Sun is Out!  We are taking a ride!!!!  Topped off with something to eat on the way home.  Yay!!!!!  

Are you happy?

(sorry couldn’t resist)

[Jynnan tonnix]

4 minutes ago, Suzn said:

I've only posted on this thread a time or two because I think I'm too private/introverted to share much personal information, even anonymously.  I do keep up with it, usually daily, because I find this lovely group always interesting.  Thanks to all of you who share their lives here.  Happy New Year!

Interestingly (or, probably not), while I am extremely introverted, I also have very little filter and am terribly prone to oversharing. I know that has cost me friends in real life. It really is fascinating to me, though, how differently we all respond to things. 

[Love2dance]

There’s just something about this group! Small Talk forum is the first thing I check everyday when I have a chance to get on the computer. I feel we really are friends who support each other without judgement. And altho I never know where the topics are going to go, I always am interested and care what the conversations are. 

And thanks, Happyfatchick and Lookeyloo for sending me down the Jeanne Robertson rabbit hole. Her YouTube videos have been my evening entertainment for two days now!

[Mindthinkr]

I have a real life. Where I’m judged, made fun of, disagreed with and happy-ish depending on the circumstances. Here I have a life where I am accepted, people want to sincerely help me if I have a difficulty and I can be of help to others. Both are lives, but who says you aren’t living if you do it online? (Rhetorical) 

[galaxychaser]

A friend got me this. Problem is the band gave me a rash that lasted a week. 

 

https://www.fitbit.com/flex2

[Minivanessa]

1 minute ago, galaxychaser said:

A friend got me this. Problem is the band gave me a rash that lasted a week. 

https://www.fitbit.com/flex2

That's a nice gift, but Eeek! about the rash.

Can you get a band made of a different material? I have the older, clunkier FitBit Charge 2. I bought an aftermarket (not FitBit brand) leather band for it and haven't had any problems with that. I've always preferred leather watchbands, they don't trap sweat against my skin. (Sorry if that grossed anyone out, but it's the troof.) 

[galaxychaser]

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Moretek-Fitbit-Flex2-Flex-2-Band-Strap-Adjustable-Replacement-Wrist-Band-for-Fitbit-Flex-2-Fitness-Smart-Watch-3-Pack/339629293

 

i ordered those. Hope they fit. 

 

I got these too. Never bought converse shoes.

https://www.nike.com/t/converse-chuck-taylor-all-star-sherpa-urban-high-top-boot-unisex-sherpa-boot-GFK4sz

Edited January 5, 2019 by galaxychaser

[Panopticon]

19 hours ago, Lisa418722 said:

 The last "date" I had was with a guy who wanted to meet for drinks, meaning I ordered a Coke, he didn't even ask me if I wanted anything to eat. We had absolutely nothing to say to each other; we spent most of our time watching a football game. At the end I got ready to walk out and he said "oh, don't worry, I'll take care of this."  Yup, you asked me out and it was a Coke, not like a meal. 

I think my last date was with this guy’s brother. He asked me to meet at a coffee shop near his home where the drinks cost about $4. When I got there (I was not late), he already had his drink and immediately launched into conversation so intensely that it would have been awkward for me to go to the counter and get a drink myself— no offer to pay by him even though he’d asked and I’d traveled to his part of town. After about an hour he ended the conversation almost in mid sentence and left. I bought myself a drink to have on my way home.

I’m neither asexual nor aromantic, but I did eventually decide that the agony of dating is not worth the potential payoff of a relationship. 

[galaxychaser]

Sooooo my other “friend “ is a grifter junior it turns out. Met a cute! Guy no kids under 40 has a good city job (nyc). 

Basically she found a unicorn.

She doesn’t like him, told me she can learn to tolerate him for his $ and pension. Her goal for 2019 is to marry him and have his $ to spend. He didn’t propose yet.  She doesn’t work and finds the jobs she qualifies for beneath her.  She’s a prize huh.

 

So cant find decent friends or a boy toy. My luck...

[CherryMalotte]

Quote

I got these too. Never bought converse shoes.

Oh man, I loved loved loved black high top Chuck Taylors back in the punk/new wave/grunge/alternative rock days.  They lasted forever, and even when beat up it fit the style of clothes I was wearing.  Now I wear Sketchers, easy to slip on and lovely thick comfy soles.  

So...it's two cats down now.  I had mentioned I had to take my dad's cat in for the last trip the day after X-mas (awful) but then middle of this past week was our turn with our old gray tabby boy.  Horrible....and this even though he was ready to go.  I was working so I didn't take him, but he had Mr and Mini Malotte with him.  The house is so quiet now without him yodeling and getting grumpy with the young one we have.  

You dating ladies are brave brave souls.  The thought of being out in the dating scene scares me to no end.  

[Christina87]

1 hour ago, galaxychaser said:

Sooooo my other “friend “ is a grifter junior it turns out. Met a cute! Guy no kids under 40 has a good city job (nyc). 

Basically she found a unicorn.

She doesn’t like him, told me she can learn to tolerate him for his $ and pension. Her goal for 2019 is to marry him and have his $ to spend. He didn’t propose yet.  She doesn’t work and finds the jobs she qualifies for beneath her.  She’s a prize huh.

 

So cant find decent friends or a boy toy. My luck...

Ahhhh that makes me so mad!!! It sucks to see nice people being used, when they won't open their eyes. I can't count the times I've heard a man wax on and on about how "feisty" and "spirited" his lady is when the right words are really "bitch" and "opinionated, in a bitchy way." I just want to scream, "WAKE UP!!! You are one of the rare awesome guys! You could do soooo much better!"

i had a coworker like that at my last job. She was a teacher, and I don't usually bring looks into it, but she specifically does. She was not attractive at all, nor did she make the slightest effort, but her husband was gorgeous. I thought, "well, she must be a really nice person!" As I got to know her, the more bitchy she was. I just didn't get it! Finally, she told me she had met her husband on eharmony (wouldn't that luck be nice!!!) and he proposed six months in. Now, she has never been a stunner, but seeing pics from the start of their dating, she was only a step or two below him. She then proceeded to talk WITH GLEE about, "oh, I'm fat and ugly, but it doesn't matter! I made my husband promise never to divorce me, so he's stuck for life! I can get as fat and ugly as I want, yaaaaay!!!!" It makes me mad that she's hogging this awesome guy, because so many women get left for gaining pregnancy weight, or just not looking "hot" enough at 40. Plus, I take MORE pride in my appearance when I have someone to appreciate it, so I don't get it. "This is my wife. I'm so proud because she's super frumpy!" Ummm, no. Then she proceeded to brag about how much money he made, and about how she "makes" him buy expensive presents for her. She is also never satisfied; she'll work a year and then whine about how hard it is, so then she'll stay home. Then, she constantly posts to Facebook about how her husband is contributing "only money," and her job is soooo much harder. Then, the next year she's teaching again, rinse and repeat. She also has a pattern of getting a job while pregnant, and misleading her coworkers about how much time she's planning to take off, leaving them scrambling to cover her class. She's also one of the rare wives who gets to stay home AND go on nice vacations, which she totally isn't appreciative of. Plus it's obvious that she does nothing around the house when she stays home, but her husband feels so honored just to have ANY wife that he would never dare complain. Just such an awful wife all around, and if I had half of what she did, I'd consider myself soooo blessed!

Edited January 5, 2019 by Christina87

[Christina87]

3 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

Interestingly (or, probably not), while I am extremely introverted, I also have very little filter and am terribly prone to oversharing. I know that has cost me friends in real life. It really is fascinating to me, though, how differently we all respond to things. 

Omg, I am so like that too!!! I'm not really introverted, but I am sooooo prone to oversharing, and I've learned to tone it way down in dating. When someone says something that reminds me of a funny story, it's soooo hard not to tell it. Even if I do well at the beginning of the date, the oversharing usually reads its ugly head when I feel comfortable, in maybe hour three or four. Oh well. Men always complain that women are boring, so at least I'm not! 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

5 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

I know what you mean...I have a "lack" as well, which I know I've mentioned here in the past, but it took me until I was about 50 to actually sort it out/admit to it. I've grown to suspect that I'm somewhere on the autism spectrum, which may or may not have something to do with my being born two months early, but grew up with an almost debilitating shyness and social anxiety, which I've been able to overcome to a point, but am still extremely introverted, and while I can talk your ear off one-to-one, I withdraw as soon as even one more person is added to the mix.

But the biggest thing, and the one which I've only recently sort of started coming to grips with, is that I don't think I really feel love. I didn't really notice that because (as someone mentioned upthread of themselves and another acquaintance), I'm prone to EPIC crushes, and actually spent almost my entire adult life, even into probably 30 years of marriage, pining for someone else who was patently unavailable (a cousin). It's finally dissipated now that I'm too old to much care, and in retrospect I'm not even sure I loved him as much as that he represented everything I didn't and couldn't have (if that makes any sense). Other than that, with the exception of maybe my kids, there's pretty much no one out there who I deal with on a regular enough basis for them to occasionally anger or frustrate me whom I wouldn't just as soon see gone. It's not even that I particularly dislike people in general, and I even have a reasonable sense of empathy, but I simply don't seem to have whatever everyone else seems to, where you actually feel as though there is an unbreakable connection or bond there, and the thought of losing them is a fundamentally horrible thing to imagine, even when it comes to family, for instance, who are difficult to be around. I'm not quite sure how to describe it, but it just seems that most everyone else feels something for others which I just don't. Aside from the aforementioned crushes which fooled me for most of my life into thinking I actually loved intensely where I was actually only responding to things which were, for the most part, completely imaginary (the cousin, there was a spark with, when I was 17 and they came to visit us from England for a couple of weeks, but other crushes were of the celebrity sort).

Sorry for the novel here, but with everyone spilling guts, it all had to come out again. As with others here, I so appreciate this group, because we really run the gamut(s?) between/among pretty much every sort of person from the introverts to extroverts, religious to atheist, the well-off to the struggling both in financial and health issues, the serious to the funny...we just have it all, and somehow manage to not only very, very rarely ruffle any feathers, but to actually support each other. That's got to be pretty remarkable!

Thanks for spilling your guts to us! It's so interesting to read others' perspectives, because I am soooo opposite of this. I get ridiculously attached to everything, even inanimate objects! I had a really rough week a few weeks ago where I had to throw away two pairs of sweatpants that I've had for years, and replace a vacuum cleaner. It was so tough on me emotionally! Those pants were with me so long, and that vacuum cleaner and I have so many happy memories doing a good job keeping everything clean. The amount I get attached to these things is ridiculous...never mind people!!! 

I totally agree with you about groups! I am so talkative one on one, or in a group up to about four. At a large table of people, I just completely withdraw and shut down. I've tried really hard to push past that by trying to sit near the end, near one or two people that I can focus on. I hate dining in crowds, but I would make an exception for PTV! 😜

[latetotheparty]

2 hours ago, galaxychaser said:

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Moretek-Fitbit-Flex2-Flex-2-Band-Strap-Adjustable-Replacement-Wrist-Band-for-Fitbit-Flex-2-Fitness-Smart-Watch-3-Pack/339629293

 

i ordered those. Hope they fit. 

 

I got these too. Never bought converse shoes.

https://www.nike.com/t/converse-chuck-taylor-all-star-sherpa-urban-high-top-boot-unisex-sherpa-boot-GFK4sz

I LOVE my Chucks. I have two pair: dove grey and hot pink. Having size 11 feet means you never get fun shoes at all but I’m average-footed in Chucks and the whole rainbow is available to me. My roommate has pairs that look like orange and lime creamsicles. Which she then decorates in sequins. 😁

[galaxychaser]

Anyone watched big mouth and f for family on Netflix?

both highly recommended.

[Ohiopirate02]

33 minutes ago, latetotheparty said:

I LOVE my Chucks. I have two pair: dove grey and hot pink. Having size 11 feet means you never get fun shoes at all but I’m average-footed in Chucks and the whole rainbow is available to me. My roommate has pairs that look like orange and lime creamsicles. Which she then decorates in sequins. 😁

I'm also an 11, but I search for fun shoes.  I try to always have some spare money so when I find a great pair in my size I can buy them.  I do have some Chucks in raspberry, teal, and white.  

[Zella]

I've never had a pair of Chuck Taylors but I'm intrigued. How are they for wide feet? I'm rocking 10 wides, and I usually just buy men's shoes because shoe shopping is such a pain. :(

The exception is a pair of women's combat boots I found that fit so well and looked so nice that I bought two. . . .

[Ohiopirate02]

1 minute ago, Zella said:

I've never had a pair of Chuck Taylors but I'm intrigued. How are they for wide feet? I'm rocking 10 wides, and I usually just buy men's shoes because shoe shopping is such a pain. :(

The exception is a pair of women's combat boots I found that fit so well and looked so nice that I bought two. . . .

I have wide feet and the unisex ones fit great.  I'm really a 10 wide but almost always wear an 11 in women's shoes, but I wear the equivalent of a 10 in Chucks.  I don't have any woman's Chucks just the unisex ones.

[ChiCricket]

9 hours ago, beckie said:

Hi. Hope it's okay to jump in! 

 

Just wanted to say I really enjoy you guys! I've been reading this thread for a bit but have been to shy to say anything.

 

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

  I say welcome one and all. 😊 

   I'm extremely shy away from my family, but the internet has set me free :)

 I actually felt physically sick to my stomach with anxiety the first few times I posted on PTV.

I'm glad I pushed through the shyness , and I hope you can too.

7 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

[ I ] grew up with an almost debilitating shyness and social anxiety, which I've been able to overcome to a point, but am still extremely introverted, and while I can talk your ear off one-to-one, I withdraw as soon as even one more person is added to the mix.

This is me, also, exactly. ❤

Edited January 6, 2019 by ChiCricket

[Zella]

10 minutes ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

I have wide feet and the unisex ones fit great.  I'm really a 10 wide but almost always wear an 11 in women's shoes, but I wear the equivalent of a 10 in Chucks.  I don't have any woman's Chucks just the unisex ones.

That's good to know! Thank you!

[ChiCricket]

8 hours ago, Suzn said:

I've only posted on this thread a time or two because I think I'm too private/introverted to share much personal information, even anonymously.  I do keep up with it, usually daily, because I find this lovely group always interesting.  Thanks to all of you who share their lives here.  Happy New Year!

I know how hard it is, but please jump in whenever you want. 😊

Edited January 6, 2019 by ChiCricket