Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[emma675]

Not to pile on the sad train, but I went to the funeral of my high school friend today. She was only 37 and leaves behind twin 3 year olds. She had been sick her whole life and knew she wouldn't get a normal amount of time, but this was still very unexpected. She was the kind of girl who never met a stranger, never complained about her illness and just loved life. It was gut wrenching to see her family today.

 

There was one funny bit, the preacher looked exactly like the head of Scientology, David Miscavige. To the point where I almost thought it was him. And they had a male soloist sing two hymns and dude was determined to earn his paycheck. Glory notes out the wazoo, closing his eyes and lifting up his hands, dragging out each hymn like Christina Aguilera singing the national anthem, it was brutal.

 

I'm glad this day is over.

[SomePity1066]

I have a sort of similar question about myself. Why can I watch shows like Snapped and Disappeared and feel a just detached sort of sadness or compassion for those involved - I mean, I react, but I don't fall apart. But anything involving threat or harm to an animal - even in fiction - just levels me. It doesn't seem right.

<<< patting your spot on the couch beside me >>>

 

You've just described me to a "T", Tabbygirl, and I have no idea why either ! I've been that way my entire life and it shows no signs of abating as I get older. My family is so used to my emotional reactions that when I'm at a holiday or gathering and one of those damned ASPCA commercials with the Sarah McLaughlin song comes on everyone turns into characters from The Matrix as they climb walls and do mid-air flips to get to the remote before I completely and totally lose my shit. 

 

That doesn't mean that we aren't sympathetic or empathetic to people - it's just a different emotional "button" that we have that's more sensitive and reactive to animals. There's nothing wrong with us, I've been assured by two therapists - just wired differently, that's all. As long as you aren't hoarding animals or starving your kids so that Fido or Fluffy can have a Louis Vuitton collar then it's not a bad thing at all. 

 

I have just one doggie (please see his gloriously beautiful face in my avatar !) and I would gladly dive in front of a speeding train to save his life, but I would do the very same for any other animal AND any other human being. I hope it never comes to that, of course, because I really want to find out what happens to Glenn on The Walking Dead before I'm smashed to bits by an Amtrak, but I know in my heart I'm not cold or detached. It's just something about animals - even the cartoon ones ! - that get to the core of me and make me react in a way that many find odd. 

 

Everyone has their "thing", and there's no reason to feel bad or apologize !     <<< pat pat pat >>>

[barbedwire]

Indeed!  Everyone does have their thing.  Such a cute doggie, BTW.  My dog like to lie on the living room floor with his head on the bottom of the bookshelf.  Why he likes a wood pillow, we don't know.  We are just glad it makes him happy.

 

Don't get me started on watching the show "Troy Dunn: The Locater" - sob sob sob.  (It is about reuniting families.)

[Satchels of gold]

I am a cryer since way back. In fact I cried 6 times today just reading this thread. I'm not kidding , I bawled like a baby. I wish I could have an adult pajama party for us all and watch funny movies and tell stories. Except you, defrauder, you will have to leave by 9 because after all this time .i just figured out that you are a boy and it freaked me out. So you and Kopele can come for pizza but then you have to leave .

ETA I just rethought my feelings about the boys, they can stay but they have to sneak in the window after midnight.

Edited November 9, 2015 by nc socialworker

[SomePity1066]

There are...B-B-BOYS here ?!?!

 

Sorry - my dad says I'm not allowed to hang around with you anymore  ;)

[barbedwire]

Boys?!?!  Unless we are courting, you may not be here.  Alone with me.  An adult woman who cannot make her own decisions.

 

DAD!

[Satchels of gold]

There are...B-B-BOYS here ?!?!

 

Sorry - my dad says I'm not allowed to hang around with you anymore  ;)

Oh Pity if I had a nickel ....

[GeeGolly]

Defrauder is a boy?

No rules with me and boys. I guess my mom & dad sucked at parenting. So no worries, we can still play.

[Satchels of gold]

Defrauder is a boy?

No rules with me and boys. I guess my mom & dad sucked at parenting. So no worries, we can still play.

No he's not a boy, I'm just an idiot . I re read the post that made me think that and I TOTALLY misread it. Oh great, now I think I'm grounded from my own sleep over for spreading gossip.

[barbedwire]

Good thing we are already in the prayer closet :)

[kaleidoscope]

Group {{{HUG}}}, love and comfort to all ♥

[Joe Jitsu913]

My heart goes out to anyone here who is missing their loved ones. This thread is making me misty-eyed. Sending you all hugs tonight.

[GeeGolly]

No he's not a boy, I'm just an idiot . I re read the post that made me think that and I TOTALLY misread it. Oh great, now I think I'm grounded from my own sleep over for spreading gossip.

Even amidst all our sharing, and all our suffering, this thread still can bring a smile to my face.

 

THANKS!

[Chicklet]

Somehow I think a lot of us MUST be related. 

[SomePity1066]

Somehow I think a lot of us MUST be related. 

Rosebud... ???

[MarysWetBar]

Lets have a laugh.

When my brother was dying (stick with me..its funny), he told me he wanted to be buried with our Dad back home where we grew up. He was cremated and back East we go to do the burial in my hometown. I call the cemetery and they tell me that because my dad is buried there in a casket. .and my infant son..no go for bro.

So, I think about it a bit..and call back and ask if I am allowed to plant a perennial on my baby son's grave. ( Yes i certainly used that to my full advantage, ladies..went on and on about living "away" and everytime i come home the sight of dead leaves and brown grass depresses me even more).

They tell me certainly I can plant a perennial so off i go to buy whatever the hell was on sale at the garden centre.

Take my man and my brother in his little box in the backseat with the seatbelt on him and drive to cemetery with my plant and a shovel to plant it with.

Most of you can see where this is headed. If you are law enforcement in Canada..step back out of this story now.

I crouched down and got the plant ready and hubs took basically a running jump with the shovel and was dug down three feet within ten seconds max. In goes brother where he wanted to be, hubs threw something else in that is best not discussed but brother was an old hippy so you can guess and then plant went on top of brother and filled back in. Entire operation was complete in under five minutes.

I can almost hear my brother's big booming laugh watching his law abiding sister pull that off cus i believe in keeping promises more than i believe in their silly little law.

Edited November 10, 2015 by MarysWetBar

[MargeGunderson]

No he's not a boy, I'm just an idiot . I re read the post that made me think that and I TOTALLY misread it. Oh great, now I think I'm grounded from my own sleep over for spreading gossip.

It's not a sleepover until someone cries, so you're off the hook.

[SomePity1066]

Lets have a laugh.

When my brother was dying (stick with me..its funny), he told me he wanted to be buried with our Dad back home where we grew up. He was cremated and back East we go to do the burial in my hometown. I call the cemetery and they tell me that because my dad is buried there in a casket. .and my infant son..no go for bro.

So, I think about it a bit..and call back and ask if I am allowed to plant a perennial on my baby son's grave. ( Yes i certainly used that to my full advantage, ladies..went on and on about living "away" and everytime i come home the sight of dead leaves and brown grass depresses me even more).

They tell me certainly I can plant a perennial so off i go to buy whatever the hell was on sale at the garden centre.

Take my man and my brother in his little box in the backseat with the seatbelt on him and drive to cemetery with my plant and a shovel to plant it with.

Most of you can see where this is headed. If you are law enforcement in Canada..step back out of this story now.

I crouched down and got the plant ready and hubs took basically a running jump with the shovel and was dug down three feet within ten seconds max. In goes brother where he wanted to be, hubs threw something else in that is best not discussed but brother was an old hippy so you can guess and then plant went on top of brother and filled back in. Entire operation was complete in under five minutes.

I can almost hear my brother's big booming laugh watching his law abiding sister pull that off cus i believe in keeping promises more than i believe in their silly little law.

Count me in, please, for those who will both laugh and cry at your poignant yet hilarious story ! Sometimes you gotta do what you just gotta do, eh ? 

 

I'm so very sorry about your brother, but my heart feels lighter for knowing that he ended up in the "right" place, even in the face of the Mounties who were thwarted by your man's "running jump" digging and your planting subterfuge ! 

 

Did you ever go back to see if the "something" that was thrown in ever sprouted ? I'm pretty sure your brother would think that a very fitting end to the story...  ;)

[Tabbygirl521]

<<< patting your spot on the couch beside me >>>

You've just described me to a "T", Tabbygirl, and I have no idea why either ! I've been that way my entire life and it shows no signs of abating as I get older. My family is so used to my emotional reactions that when I'm at a holiday or gathering and one of those damned ASPCA commercials with the Sarah McLaughlin song comes on everyone turns into characters from The Matrix as they climb walls and do mid-air flips to get to the remote before I completely and totally lose my shit.

That doesn't mean that we aren't sympathetic or empathetic to people - it's just a different emotional "button" that we have that's more sensitive and reactive to animals. There's nothing wrong with us, I've been assured by two therapists - just wired differently, that's all. As long as you aren't hoarding animals or starving your kids so that Fido or Fluffy can have a Louis Vuitton collar then it's not a bad thing at all.

I have just one doggie (please see his gloriously beautiful face in my avatar !) and I would gladly dive in front of a speeding train to save his life, but I would do the very same for any other animal AND any other human being. I hope it never comes to that, of course, because I really want to find out what happens to Glenn on The Walking Dead before I'm smashed to bits by an Amtrak, but I know in my heart I'm not cold or detached. It's just something about animals - even the cartoon ones ! - that get to the core of me and make me react in a way that many find odd.

Everyone has their "thing", and there's no reason to feel bad or apologize ! <<< pat pat pat >>>

I feel a zillion percent better after reading this! Very good to know that actual professionals don't see this as anything to worry about.

I know I am "normal" about people in my real life. I have a husband, sister, stepson, and grand kids, all of whom I love to pieces and would do just about anything for. I also have cats, and I love them like crazy, too. Which I guess is not worrisome, as long as I have the "correct" feelings about my human family!

It is pretty great to know I am not alone, SomePity. Thanks for this.

[Tabbygirl521]

Lets have a laugh.

When my brother was dying (stick with me..its funny), he told me he wanted to be buried with our Dad back home where we grew up. He was cremated and back East we go to do the burial in my hometown. I call the cemetery and they tell me that because my dad is buried there in a casket. .and my infant son..no go for bro.

So, I think about it a bit..and call back and ask if I am allowed to plant a perennial on my baby son's grave. ( Yes i certainly used that to my full advantage, ladies..went on and on about living "away" and everytime i come home the sight of dead leaves and brown grass depresses me even more).

They tell me certainly I can plant a perennial so off i go to buy whatever the hell was on sale at the garden centre.

Take my man and my brother in his little box in the backseat with the seatbelt on him and drive to cemetery with my plant and a shovel to plant it with.

Most of you can see where this is headed. If you are law enforcement in Canada..step back out of this story now.

I crouched down and got the plant ready and hubs took basically a running jump with the shovel and was dug down three feet within ten seconds max. In goes brother where he wanted to be, hubs threw something else in that is best not discussed but brother was an old hippy so you can guess and then plant went on top of brother and filled back in. Entire operation was complete in under five minutes.

I can almost hear my brother's big booming laugh watching his law abiding sister pull that off cus i believe in keeping promises more than i believe in their silly little law.

GOOD FOR YOU! Without going into detail, I will just say that there was a situation in my husband's family where this solution SHOULD have happened. But the person who controlled the cremated remains was too chicken. And a very unsatisfactory solution was reached. It still fries us. Edited November 10, 2015 by Tabbygirl521

[Liz Tudor]

Add me to the "crazy over animals but people, meh" group. I don't have kids, but have been around them & taught (swimming lessons, reading tutoring) for years. I like them, they can be a hoot. Babies, not so much. I have a friend who LOVES, LOVES, LOVES babies. If there's one near her, she's cooing and going ga-ga. If she knows you, she's holding the baby and loving on it, and she swears she could start lactating. Meanwhile, I'm just not feeling it. However, hand me a kitten or a puppy and I don't know who else is in the room. That same friend surrendered her two dogs she'd had for 18 months to our animal shelter (which, unfortunately, hasn't the resources to be no-kill). I just about lost that friend. We didn't talk for a long while after that. I found out through the shelter that both dogs got adopted, almost immediately. I don't understand people who don't see pets as a commitment like they would children. I realize finances can play a large role in pet ownership, and I contribute to my vet's fund to assist those who need help for their pets' medical care. But people who can just drop an animal like a hot potato through no fault of its own...I don't get it. Just don't have pets, then. I'll have to share the story sometime about the "sweet little old lady" next door and what I caught her doing to my cats...something very dark came over me that day, and it scared me a little.

[magpye29]

So here's another sort of funny funeral story.

 

When I was 15, my 13-year-old brother died.  So I'm at the wake talking to whomever when my brother's godparents walked in.  We hadn't seen them in quite some time because they and my parents had drifted apart.  So "Auntie" tells me how good it is to see me, then she asks me where my sister and brother are.  I tell her Sister is in the back of the room with her friends, and Brother is...and then I have no words because Brother is in the front of the room in a casket.  At the same time, Auntie realizes what she's just done and this look of horrified embarrassment spreads across her face.  I go running in one direction, and she heads off in the other.  I never saw her again, but it still cracks me up that she came to her godson's wake and asked where he was.

 

And yes, I've included this in the book I'm writing.

 

I also wanted to say thanks for the cyber hugs.  This is my worst time of year because Brother died October 25th, I had a miscarriage October 26th, and Angel Boy was born on November 14th and died on November 30th.  I haven't been depressed this year, though, because I'm happy and busy doing things I truly enjoy for the first time in about 20 years.

 

Finally, a little tip for the other daughters of dysfunctional mothers.  When I have to deal with her for any length of time, I just pretend she's a stranger.  When she starts engaging in her nonsense, I remember I have to do something or other, and I stay away for a couple of days.  (I live right across the street, so it takes a bit of doing, but I make it work, so to speak.)

Edited November 10, 2015 by magpye29

[Muffyn]

Years ago when my friend Michael died, he left money for our friend Jerry to take his remains to Hawaii.  He wanted his remains to be scattered off of a cliff he had climbed when he was healthy.  He even drew a very rough map explaining how to get there.  Of course, between when Michael died and when Jerry could get to Hawaii, there was a major storm that caused damage to the coast lines and downed many trees.  When Jerry got back from the trip, he told us how he walked for hours trying to find the spot.  He was looking for the various markers Michael had listed and couldn’t find them.  Jerry was also unwell, so he was really worn out.  He told us he finally just went to a low cliff overlooking the ocean, dumped the ashes and yelled “Swim!”  Weirdly I know Michael would have enjoyed that solution. 

Edited November 10, 2015 by Muffyn

[Love2dance]

And yes, I've included this in the book I'm writing.

I also wanted to say thanks for the cyber hugs. This is my worst time of year because Brother died October 25th, I had a miscarriage October 26th, and Angel Boy was born on November 14th and died on November 30th. I haven't been depressed this year, though, because I'm happy and busy doing things I truly enjoy for the first time in about 20 years.

MAGPYE29, I would like to read your book.

I don't know how you face the coming of fall each year. So sorry for your terrible losses. But I'm very glad that this year has been better for you, and you are happy. More cyber hugs coming your way.

Edited November 10, 2015 by Love2dance

[Happyfatchick]

Oh my Lord, Muffyn, I just burst out laughing. That is so OMG funny I couldn't even help it!!! SWIM!!! Hahaha!!

[magpye29]

From Love2dance:

 

MAGPYE29, I would like to read your book.
I don't know how you face the coming of fall each year. So sorry for your terrible losses. But I'm very glad that this year has been better for you, and you are happy. More cyber hugs coming your way.

 

 

 

Okay.  I'm not quite halfway done yet, and there will be some major rewriting needed, but it's got a lot of potential, I think.

 

I was dreading fall this year, as I do every year, but I really, really didn't feel bad.  I feel like that's such a blessing, especially because this year was the 40th anniversary of my brother's death (and his death was awful and mysterious), but I was totally at peace.  I feel more at peace about my son now, too, maybe because I'm back in the land of my birth.  My husband and I had agreed that Angel Boy's ashes would be buried with whichever of us died first, but DH agreed when I said I felt like he should be buried with me because my body was the only home he ever knew.   I don't have any profound thoughts about why I'm not grieving this year, but I'm just happy, and I guess it was time to let the sadness go.

 

So Nextiteration and everyone else dealing with loss right now, I'll share what I've learned through much study of loss and grieving:  take as much time as you need to grieve, and don't let anyone try to rush you through it.  You'll know when it's time to let go, even if you only do it in increments.  

 

You guys are the bomb.com!

[StaceyNotStacie]

That reminds me of when my wonderful aunt passed. At her funeral her adult children smuggled into the casket all the ashes of her many deceased animals to be buried with her ( a big no no in the Catholic Church and catholic cemetery ) when the pall bearers went to carry the casket they could barely lift it. It was hysterical as the poor pall bearers were all eying each other like " what the heck she was light on the way in". Oh well, what the church doesn't know won't hurt them.

My dad and aunt and uncle sent my grandmother off with a "care package" of her favorite items including her purse, favorite sweater, a deck of cards and a bottle of beer. When my other grandmother passed away two years ago, my then 8 year old found a dollar in the restroom at the funeral home. He took this as a sign that he needed to put it in the coffin with her, which resulted in my other son wanting to send her off with his own dollar.

Both of my parents are still around, but as they get older (they're in their early sixties) I think about them passing more. They're at the age where health issues start to creep up and they realize that they're not as young as they think they are.

[Phoenix62.]

Just wanted to say that I love reading all your posts...

These few weeks I've been a bit busy...studying for an important (to me, for my career) exam. If I don't pass, I'm out 300 bucks and have to pay another 250 bucks to take it again. Meh. Ive been cheating and taking breaks to lurk and read your posts. You all make me laugh and cry....I'm so soo sorry about all the recent lossess here. Life can be a bitch sometimes....it's hard sometimes to get up and brush yourself off and keep moving. In so glad there's an outlet here to help.

[zenme]

Good luck, Phoenix! And you NEED a mental break sometimes when you're studying so intensely, so don't feel guilty about dropping in.

[NextIteration]

Thanks again for the thoughts, and the wonderful stories!

 

We did the memorial planning yesterday, we'll be having it on the 29th because my daughter will be home for Thanksgiving weekend.  She's being cremated so we had the convenience of time.  So silly, my first real hard cry came watching the Hey Jude performance from last ngiht's DWTS, you just never know what will trigger you.  This will also put the the lid on it for the holiday season, all my closest relatives have gone between now and New Year's.  It was from Thanksgiving, Mom just went a few weeks earlier.

 

I missed my mom's cue that she was done, she told me that my head would explode because she'd asked and had a priest minister the Sacrament of the Sick, and I thought she meant it because she'd not been a practicing Catholic or much of a believer anymore and joked about her liking Pope Frank, she just laughed along with me.  What she was telling me was that she was ready to go - I just figured it out yesterday morning, weeks after the fact.

 

Warm thoughts for everyone else that is struggling.

[lookeyloo]

Just wanted to say that I love reading all your posts...

These few weeks I've been a bit busy...studying for an important (to me, for my career) exam. If I don't pass, I'm out 300 bucks and have to pay another 250 bucks to take it again. Meh. Ive been cheating and taking breaks to lurk and read your posts. You all make me laugh and cry....I'm so soo sorry about all the recent lossess here. Life can be a bitch sometimes....it's hard sometimes to get up and brush yourself off and keep moving. In so glad there's an outlet here to help.

A test prep class for my profession said when in doubt, choose option "C"!!!

[Tabbygirl521]

Thanks again for the thoughts, and the wonderful stories!

We did the memorial planning yesterday, we'll be having it on the 29th because my daughter will be home for Thanksgiving weekend. She's being cremated so we had the convenience of time. So silly, my first real hard cry came watching the Hey Jude performance from last ngiht's DWTS, you just never know what will trigger you. This will also put the the lid on it for the holiday season, all my closest relatives have gone between now and New Year's. It was from Thanksgiving, Mom just went a few weeks earlier.

I missed my mom's cue that she was done, she told me that my head would explode because she'd asked and had a priest minister the Sacrament of the Sick, and I thought she meant it because she'd not been a practicing Catholic or much of a believer anymore and joked about her liking Pope Frank, she just laughed along with me. What she was telling me was that she was ready to go - I just figured it out yesterday morning, weeks after the fact.

Warm thoughts for everyone else that is struggling.

Oh hon. I wish I could hug you for real. I am glad that you are able to know that she was ready. I hope it offers a bit of comfort.

My mom went pretty fast as well. It was shocking but she was able to come to terms with it. It helps a bit to know that (and also that she didn't linger, even though it meant we lost her sooner).

[crazycatlady58]

Next,where I am from, Texas, when someone passes we bring a meal, because I cannot bring you a real meal I will send you a virtual meal. Roasted chicken , potato salad and becasue it is fall, homemade gingerbread. Just know mt thoughts are with you and ypur family.

[Defrauder]

Defrauder is a boy?

No rules with me and boys. I guess my mom & dad sucked at parenting. So no worries, we can still play.

Wait a minute, where did this rumor start that I'm a boy?  I don't come in this thread often but stopped in today because I'm down because my plan of winning the lottery last night didn't pan out.  Anyway, I am a woman if the Defrauder being mentioned is me.  

[Satchels of gold]

Wait a minute, where did this rumor start that I'm a boy?  I don't come in this thread often but stopped in today because I'm down because my plan of winning the lottery last night didn't pan out.  Anyway, I am a woman if the Defrauder being mentioned is me.

It was me Defrauder, I misread a post of yours but quickly corrected myself. I also grounded myself if that's any conciliation and written out the sentence "defrauder is not a boy" 100 times just as added punishment. Im sorry :(

[Defrauder]

It was me Defrauder, I misread a post of yours but quickly corrected myself. I also grounded myself if that's any conciliation and written out the sentence "defrauder is not a boy" 100 times just as added punishment. Im sorry :(

LOL. that's OK nc socialworker.  I'll forgive you, but please pray for me to win the lottery. Thanks.

[Happyfatchick]

It's not raining, so that's something... I actually saw the sun poke thru a cloud a few minutes ago. Woop woop!!! Tomorrow, according to my forecast app, there's a big old circle sun apwith NO wisps of clouds anywhere near it. I feel like IIIIIIIII won the lottery. HALLELUJAH!!!

Next, I missed my Daddy's going home signal as well. On Saturday afternoon, my brothers and their wives were both there and I left to go home and get a shower (tried for a nap but it didn't happen). I'd hardly left his side since he'd been in, and while I was gone, he told the brothers he knew he would be going soon, that he was trusting us to take care of mama. I missed it. But I got something no one else did.

During the night that night, he became uncommunitive. He just didn't have enough gas in the tank, it was too hard. But at one point, he managed to signal to me that he needed me. I got next to the bed in his face (he had to work around an oxygen mask) and asked what he needed. He seemed desperate to tell me SOMETHING, but I didn't know what. I pulled the mask aside, but there was no air so I put it back. There was a rough raw comedy for a minute or two, while he tried to let me know what he wanted. I finally pleaded, "Daddy!!! I know you want something but I don't know what! I'll do anything at all for you if you can somehow let me know what you need!!!" I was bawling, feeling helpless. Rub your back? Get you something more for pain? Drink? Change positions? Help me help you, Daddy!

By now, I'm IN his bed, trying desperately to "read" him. He was so agitated! Finally he lifts up his feeble arms and gets me by the shirt. A fistful of shirt and pulls me right down closer, then inches his fingers from the front of my shirt out to my shoulders and presses on my shoulders with all the strength he has left, and pulls me to him. He wanted a hug. He wanted the comfort of my warmth and strength against him while he prepared to let go. Within minutes, he slipped into a coma and died just a short while later. That was a precious moment to me, but at the time, I didn't realize he was saying goodbye. That didn't come to me until I spoke of it later.

[zenme]

Wait a minute, where did this rumor start that I'm a boy?  I don't come in this thread often but stopped in today because I'm down because my plan of winning the lottery last night didn't pan out.  Anyway, I am a woman if the Defrauder being mentioned is me.

 

LOL! It's funny the faces we put to our "handles."  Does anyone else put a face to our names besides me?  It would be fun to find out how we think our fellow posters look like. 

FWIW, Defrauder, I always thought you were a female!

[Tabbygirl521]

LOL! It's funny the faces we put to our "handles." Does anyone else put a face to our names besides me? It would be fun to find out how we think our fellow posters look like.

!

I do not have stripes.

[zenme]

I do not have stripes.

 

I look EXACTLY like Angelina Jolie. As a matter fact, people often stop me on the streets to ask for my autograph! ( I am sooo joking.)

[Readalot]

It's not raining, so that's something... I actually saw the sun poke thru a cloud a few minutes ago. Woop woop!!! Tomorrow, according to my forecast app, there's a big old circle sun apwith NO wisps of clouds anywhere near it. I feel like IIIIIIIII won the lottery. HALLELUJAH!!!

Next, I missed my Daddy's going home signal as well. On Saturday afternoon, my brothers and their wives were both there and I left to go home and get a shower (tried for a nap but it didn't happen). I'd hardly left his side since he'd been in, and while I was gone, he told the brothers he knew he would be going soon, that he was trusting us to take care of mama. I missed it. But I got something no one else did.

During the night that night, he became uncommunitive. He just didn't have enough gas in the tank, it was too hard. But at one point, he managed to signal to me that he needed me. I got next to the bed in his face (he had to work around an oxygen mask) and asked what he needed. He seemed desperate to tell me SOMETHING, but I didn't know what. I pulled the mask aside, but there was no air so I put it back. There was a rough raw comedy for a minute or two, while he tried to let me know what he wanted. I finally pleaded, "Daddy!!! I know you want something but I don't know what! I'll do anything at all for you if you can somehow let me know what you need!!!" I was bawling, feeling helpless. Rub your back? Get you something more for pain? Drink? Change positions? Help me help you, Daddy!

By now, I'm IN his bed, trying desperately to "read" him. He was so agitated! Finally he lifts up his feeble arms and gets me by the shirt. A fistful of shirt and pulls me right down closer, then inches his fingers from the front of my shirt out to my shoulders and presses on my shoulders with all the strength he has left, and pulls me to him. He wanted a hug. He wanted the comfort of my warmth and strength against him while he prepared to let go. Within minutes, he slipped into a coma and died just a short while later. That was a precious moment to me, but at the time, I didn't realize he was saying goodbye. That didn't come to me until I spoke of it later.

. This brought tears to my eyes. Hugs to you. It is comforting that you were you needed to be at that moment.

My family lived with my grandparents when I was growing up, my grandfather was my father figure. His heart was failing and when he left our home for the hospital his last time he knew and said "goodbye" to the home he raised three generations in. We were all stunned and speechless. No one said anything. At the hospital he had the best of care and family with him 24/7. He was there for a few days. I spent the day with him and he had planned to spend the night too but he was so insistent we all go home. Cheerfully he told us he would see us in the morning. No one crossed him so we all left. I lived about 100 miles away and of course I got the call he passed about 4 am. He wanted to pass alone. I was so angry at him for the longest time, I blamed myself, I felt if I was there he wouldn't of died. This happened in 2001 and here I am bawling like a baby.

My grandma passed in 2013. We knew it was coming. We drove up on Sunday when she was admitted. She was in and out of lucidly. I knew this was it and I asked her if she was scared and she said no. This was a comfort for me. Even though I hugged and kissed Her and told her I would see her soon I knew it was the last time. That was a long car ride home. She went to Hospice on Wed. My mom called me and told me how beautiful her surroundings were and mentioned something about the next month my grandma will get to see something like a tree blooming outside her window. I told her I didn't think she was going to stay with us that long. She died two days later. My aunt, who was also with my grandma 24/7 too said the hospice workers made it a beautiful and peaceful transition. My stepfather didn't go to this funeral because he had extremes pain that we found out was pancreatic Cancer. He passed three months later. He didn't want a hospital or hospice so they got a hospice bed and my mom was his caregiver. Last year she told me about this experience and it was a nightmare. She never let us know as she was going through it. My mom is so strong thankfully her faith got her though a dark time. Too lose your mom and husband within three month....(and to top it off my husband's grandma died with 24 hours of my grandma). It was a dark valley for sure. (And thank goodness I work from home, I'm still a mess and I'm late!)

(((Hugs to all going through trying times)))

[amitville]

It's not raining, so that's something... I actually saw the sun poke thru a cloud a few minutes ago. Woop woop!!! Tomorrow, according to my forecast app, there's a big old circle sun apwith NO wisps of clouds anywhere near it. I feel like IIIIIIIII won the lottery. HALLELUJAH!!!

Next, I missed my Daddy's going home signal as well. On Saturday afternoon, my brothers and their wives were both there and I left to go home and get a shower (tried for a nap but it didn't happen). I'd hardly left his side since he'd been in, and while I was gone, he told the brothers he knew he would be going soon, that he was trusting us to take care of mama. I missed it. But I got something no one else did.

During the night that night, he became uncommunitive. He just didn't have enough gas in the tank, it was too hard. But at one point, he managed to signal to me that he needed me. I got next to the bed in his face (he had to work around an oxygen mask) and asked what he needed. He seemed desperate to tell me SOMETHING, but I didn't know what. I pulled the mask aside, but there was no air so I put it back. There was a rough raw comedy for a minute or two, while he tried to let me know what he wanted. I finally pleaded, "Daddy!!! I know you want something but I don't know what! I'll do anything at all for you if you can somehow let me know what you need!!!" I was bawling, feeling helpless. Rub your back? Get you something more for pain? Drink? Change positions? Help me help you, Daddy!

By now, I'm IN his bed, trying desperately to "read" him. He was so agitated! Finally he lifts up his feeble arms and gets me by the shirt. A fistful of shirt and pulls me right down closer, then inches his fingers from the front of my shirt out to my shoulders and presses on my shoulders with all the strength he has left, and pulls me to him. He wanted a hug. He wanted the comfort of my warmth and strength against him while he prepared to let go. Within minutes, he slipped into a coma and died just a short while later. That was a precious moment to me, but at the time, I didn't realize he was saying goodbye. That didn't come to me until I spoke of it later. 

I am crying like a baby reading this, 

 

update to this  post.  It touched my heart that i ended up in tears.  Thank you so much for sharing.

Edited November 10, 2015 by amitville

[Fuzzysox]

Dear Duggars, 

 

This is what real missionary work is:

 

http://www.fox32chicago.com/news/local/46712968-story

[mbutterfly]

Lets have a laugh.

When my brother was dying (stick with me..its funny), he told me he wanted to be buried with our Dad back home where we grew up. He was cremated and back East we go to do the burial in my hometown. I call the cemetery and they tell me that because my dad is buried there in a casket. .and my infant son..no go for bro.

So, I think about it a bit..and call back and ask if I am allowed to plant a perennial on my baby son's grave. ( Yes i certainly used that to my full advantage, ladies..went on and on about living "away" and everytime i come home the sight of dead leaves and brown grass depresses me even more).

They tell me certainly I can plant a perennial so off i go to buy whatever the hell was on sale at the garden centre.

Take my man and my brother in his little box in the backseat with the seatbelt on him and drive to cemetery with my plant and a shovel to plant it with.

Most of you can see where this is headed. If you are law enforcement in Canada..step back out of this story now.

I crouched down and got the plant ready and hubs took basically a running jump with the shovel and was dug down three feet within ten seconds max. In goes brother where he wanted to be, hubs threw something else in that is best not discussed but brother was an old hippy so you can guess and then plant went on top of brother and filled back in. Entire operation was complete in under five minutes.

I can almost hear my brother's big booming laugh watching his law abiding sister pull that off cus i believe in keeping promises more than i believe in their silly little law.

I love this story soooo much, I couldn't just give you a thumbs up. 

Well, I can't just keep copying the long and beautiful stories here. But they are so lovely and I shall remember them.

[Happyfatchick]

THE SUN IS OFFICIALLY SHINING!!!!! Windows are open, breeze blowing. Thank you God, for remembering to move that mess away from us for a couple days at least. :))))))

[Jynnan tonnix]

I really do believe that people can, at least smetimes, choose when to go. I don't remember how much I posted back in June when my father-in-law passed away, but I think I did mention it.

 

He had been almost bedridden (at least, mostly confined to his recliner) save for the occasional good day for a good 4 or 5 years. He'd get up for meals and bathroom breaks, but otherwise spent days and nights in and out of sleep in front of the TV. He was in constant pain since a case of shingles had left him with nerve damage and his legs were severely swollen and full of lesions due to circulatory problems. The past few times we had seen him, he had just seemed as though living had gotten to be more of a chore than it was worth. He turned 80 this past January, and was rather surprised to have made it that long as his doctor had told him 17 years ago that he was wearing himself out and needed to retire more or less immediately or he wouldn't last another 6 months.

 

At any rate, he and my mother-in-law did retire and spent a few happy years relaxing and fishing before his health started acting up...one thing after another for some time.

 

They celebrated their 60th anniversary at the beginning of June. That was a Saturday, and almost all their 7 kids, along with quite a number of the grandchildren came in from all over the country and put together a big family reunion barbeque in their backyard. He was in better spirits and feeling reasonably good...even ate more than he had I some time. But it was also clear that he had been declining fairly rapidly in the past months.

 

Everyone went back to their homes after the weekend , though my husband and I stayed behind to help his mom with some things. In the next couple of days we learned that his doctor had told him that there was really nothing more they could do for him and that he recommended looking into hospice. They had discovered that he had lung cancer which had likely metastasized to his brain. My husband set up all the preliminaries for them...they were supposed to get a hospital bed brought in that Saturday and a hospice worker would be staying with them. On Friday we drove back home (from Delaware to Connecticut) while one of my brothers-in-law (from New Jersey) took over. Early the next morning we get a call from my brother-in-law saying that Dad had a bad night, in quite a bit of pain, and was acting rather disjointed. He got some of the new pain meds into him and went to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee and call the hospice to ask for advice. Five minutes later he went back into the living room, and Dad was gone, looking peaceful and comfortable in his beloved recliner. We all knew how much he hated the idea of the hospital bed and having his home atmosphere disrupted, so as much as we had anticipated at least another couple of weeks, I think he really did just choose to go on his own terms.

 

It was so great that for most of the family, the last memories of him were of that reunion just a week before when no one knew how little time he had left and there was no pall cast on the anniversary celebration by the sense of it being a "goodbye".

[Missy Vixen]

Okay. Both of my parents were gone by the time I was 31. I knew someone who lost his dad in a plane crash when he was 16. He told me that grief fades but actually gets sharper through the years. I agree with him. Most days I don't think about it, but something will remind me of my mother and I am breathless with pain. Still.

 

Last weekend: My husband seems to have contracted food poisoning from a local business. We weren't sure what it was until he went to Urgent Care yesterday. It's one of those things -- the business involved had an issue with eColi at their food truck a couple of months ago. We felt reasonably sure that they corrected what happened and things would be fine at the brick and mortar business in our little town as a result. Uh, whoops. Sooooo: We're going to talk with the Department of Health, and then we're going to talk with the owner of the business and at least ask him to pick up the tab for DH's medical bills so far. What are your thoughts on this matter?

 

I have been chatting with someone on Twitter for four years or so now. We've never met. He was thrilled to tell his Twitter friends that his wife is pregnant with their first child a few months back. He posted the other day that the baby was not gaining weight as she should and his wife is now in the hospital. They're going to try to keep the baby inside for as long as possible. (She's 24 weeks and less than a pound now.) The baby actually gained weight over the weekend, and we're hoping for more positive news. My heart is breaking for them.

[Defrauder]

LOL! It's funny the faces we put to our "handles."  Does anyone else put a face to our names besides me?  It would be fun to find out how we think our fellow posters look like. 

FWIW, Defrauder, I always thought you were a female!

Thanks Zenme.  A female I am.  I think of you as gentle and soulful, insightful and kind.  

THE SUN IS OFFICIALLY SHINING!!!!! Windows are open, breeze blowing. Thank you God, for remembering to move that mess away from us for a couple days at least. :))))))

Good for you, it's pouring here. :)

[Happyfatchick]

I really do believe that people can, at least smetimes, choose when to go. I don't remember how much I posted back in June when my father-in-law passed away, but I think I did mention it.

 

He was in constant pain since a case of shingles had left him with nerve damage and his legs were severely swollen and full of lesions due to circulatory problems. The past few times we had seen him, he had just seemed as though living had gotten to be more of a chore than it was worth. We all knew how much he hated the idea of the hospital bed and having his home atmosphere disrupted, so as much as we had anticipated at least another couple of weeks, I think he really did just choose to go on his own terms.

 

It was so great that for most of the family, the last memories of him were of that reunion just a week before when no one knew how little time he had left and there was no pall cast on the anniversary celebration by the sense of it being a "goodbye".

That's a great story, Jynnan, and I got completely mesmerized by the shingles incident.  I had NO IDEA this could cause such lasting and devastating effects.  I've known many people with shingles over the years, but none ultimately effected like this.  Things like this scare the Jegeebers outta me!!  WHO KNEW???  Wow!

[Chicklet]

Post-herpetic neuralgia is a really really good reason to get the shingles vaccine when you hit 50. The CDC recommends age 50 but sadly the insurance companies recommend 65 which is ridiculous. I had to pay for mine but this was after my 21 year old nephew got shingles and I live in fear since I've seen so many awful cases.