Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[Aja]

1 hour ago, lookeyloo said:

I am an oddball I guess. My mother died in 1977.  I was very sad at the time.  I was also going through a divorce I didn't want.  So my energy was focused on that grief.  I didn't really grieve for my mother til later.  But, so much time has gone by, and I didn't live close to her for about 9 years before she died, and there was no email and phone calls were expensive, that my day to day didn't change all that much.  I think about her, but, don't really "miss" her in the sense that some of you others feel.  My father died about 8 years ago.  He never liked me. Really.  Eventually I got to not like him either.  He loved my children, luckily enough and was a good grandfather to them.  He only once asked me to come visit him, when he was dying.  I did.  He seemed happy enough to see me.  So, bittersweet.  My children miss him more than I do.  

HFC, I got my Sweet Potato Queen books out last night and your writing reminds me so much of Jill Connor Browne!  I think you have a future in the literary field!!!!

You aren't an oddball.  :) Both my parents are still living but my dad is a high-functioning autistic and doesn't relate to me the way "normal" dads do. As far as my mom goes, I'm not exactly what she had in mind for a daughter, and she's always made that clear.  I've never had any resentful feelings toward my father because he can't help how he is, and I never found him odd, and in his own way he was a good dad, funny, made us laugh... but I have deep pain surrounding my mother. When my serial-cheater ex-husband of 20 years dumped me via Facebook message, she yelled "aren't you even going to try to TALK to him? What did you DO?" She even asked me what the hell she was supposed to put in the Christmas letter. Fortunately, she thinks Ellen is cool so she didn't get too upset about her reputation when I came out to her a year after my divorce, but Mother's Day is hard for me. I'm extremely envious of people who have close, wonderful, loving relationships with their mothers. The difficult relationship I've always had with mine has cast a lot of sadness over my life.

Edited May 23, 2016 by Aja

[MunichNark]

Ah, you're not alone. I loved my Mother, but I do have long standing issues, due to my upbringing and family. Parents aren't always what we would like them to be, aren't they?

All the more reason to allow yourself to be sad if your family was good to you.

[Happyfatchick]

Quote

 

The downside to living in the midst of the whole family is the fishbowl effect.   The night my mother died, we were all sitting in her room, trying to come to terms with the fact she really, really was gone.  In the midst of my mulling, I said aloud, "I'm an orphan!  I can become a drug addict!  I always wanted a dance pole.  I could be a stripper!"

without missing a beat, my brother said, "No, you couldn't".

***

Since I had the post anyway, I just decided to add this to it:  I've been home 3 weekends in a row.  I need outta this place!  We are planning to leave Thursday to go fishing a few days with 2 grands and my bestie (while the hubs goes deep sea fishing with the work crew, it's an annual event).  Then we're driving straight to Orlando to spend a few days with Mickey.  Big trip.  BIIIIG trip.

Meanwhile, I have 1 gigantic job to finish and 1 medium order, as well as two smaller jobs and 3 days to get'er done.  I worked my %#& off last week, and worked some this weekend.  I didn't leave my house from last Saturday until this past Friday.  Now I'm down to 2 1/2 days and a big fat deadline.  Some of my machines are elderly, and use a floppy disc.  Yesterday, my external floppy drive died.  And of course, I'd had to order it online after going in a box office supply asking for one while holding up a disc, and the 12 year old sales boy said, "what IS that?".  I drove all over creation hoping SOMEBODY would have one - and then someone suggested the flea market.  What, are you kidding me???  He was offended and said its worth a shot... So I drove to the flea market and guess what I found?  Yep.  

So I get up early this morning, armed and ready... And the machines won't read the floppies the new thingy makes.  And I have a hard DEADLINE.  Why IS it when you have alligators snapping at your heels, all your equipment DIES on the same day?  I'm on a DEADLINE!  And if THOSE alligators aren't tough enough, my husband has helpfully pulled the camper up to the front of the yard so it'll be easier to load.  Big fat visual reminder.  (Awwww, THANKS, Hon!)  I have clothes to wash, groceries to go buy, a camper to load and a DEADLINE (with mean snippy people) to meet with O.N.E. machine behaving correctly, AND we really should eat something and sleep sometime. WTH?  Did I mention I have a deadline?

But next week by this time, I'll be at the Diz, and this will be a boil on the butt of a distant memory.  This makes me smile like a goofball.

Edited May 23, 2016 by Happyfatchick
Added another chapter ;)

[lookeyloo]

Well glad to know I am not alone in the parent department. It was always a problem shopping for Fathers Day cards. I've never been "daddy's little girl" and he was never "the bestest man in the world" - so it's a relief of sorts. Youngest grandson is named for him so that puts something lovable to the name. Not that I ever called him his name to his face. Would have gotten a slap across mine. 

I kind of took mental notes later in life when my parents acted out and decided not to do any of that to my kids. I've made a concerted effort sometimes successful to smile and nod when they have ever said they were going to do something I though was dumb.  Mostly has turned out fine and cuts down on fights and hurt feelings. I even have a daughter in law that likes me (I think? I hope?). She has never indicated or acted otherwise. But there is still time for me to screw things up!! 

[Aja]

32 minutes ago, lookeyloo said:

Well glad to know I am not alone in the parent department. It was always a problem shopping for Fathers Day cards. I've never been "daddy's little girl" and he was never "the bestest man in the world" - so it's a relief of sorts. Youngest grandson is named for him so that puts something lovable to the name. Not that I ever called him his name to his face. Would have gotten a slap across mine. 

I kind of took mental notes later in life when my parents acted out and decided not to do any of that to my kids. I've made a concerted effort sometimes successful to smile and nod when they have ever said they were going to do something I though was dumb.  Mostly has turned out fine and cuts down on fights and hurt feelings. I even have a daughter in law that likes me (I think? I hope?). She has never indicated or acted otherwise. But there is still time for me to screw things up!! 

I HATE CARDS WITH AN UNREASONABLE PASSION. Yeah and don't even get me STARTED on Valentine's Day. I pretty much have fetal-position reactions to every single Hallmark holiday there is. The important thing is, though, that you learned from your parents' missteps and very consciously went about breaking the cycle with your own children. That's how we make things better! 

I never had a kid. I tried to get my ex-husband into it, but he flatly refused. Everyone says "It's a blessing! You're still skinny! You have money (which--hahahahahaha. ed) ! Imagine if you had to be connected to that man for the rest of your life because you have a kid with him!" I suppose technically speaking my life is less complicated because I don't have kids. And I suppose it's true that I'm not forever biologically tied to my ex husband, which is a good thing. But I'm at the age where many of my friends have kids in high school and college...a few of my friends who got started way too early are even grandparents already...and it's hard on me sometimes. I always wanted to try to be the kind of mother I needed. And I hate being alone, not having my own family.

Edited May 23, 2016 by Aja

[lookeyloo]

10 minutes ago, Aja said:

I HATE CARDS WITH AN UNREASONABLE PASSION. Yeah and don't even get me STARTED on Valentine's Day. I pretty much have fetal-position reactions to every single Hallmark holiday there is. The important thing is, though, that you learned from your parents' missteps and very consciously went about breaking the cycle with your own children. That's how we make things better! 

I never had a kid. I tried to get my ex-husband into it, but he flatly refused. Everyone says "It's a blessing! You're still skinny! You have money (which--hahahahahaha. ed) ! Imagine if you had to be connected to that man for the rest of your life because you have a kid with him!" I suppose technically speaking my life is less complicated because I don't have kids. And I suppose it's true that I'm not forever biologically tied to my ex husband, which is a good thing. But I'm at the age where many of my friends have kids in high school and college...a few of my friends who got started way too early are even grandparents already...and it's hard on me sometimes. I always wanted to try to be the kind of mother I needed. And I hate being alone, not having my own family.

I do hear what you are saying.  Several of our "friend couples" don't have kids either, but they have forged relationships with nieces/nephews kids in a very meaningful way.  Don't know if this is an option for you.  One of our friends "great nephew, grand nephew" (the child of her niece) who is about 5 thinks of the friends as his grandparents.  More than his real ones.  My brother is married to a woman that for years we didn't like.  She had "secret" MS.  Once she finally came out, she has become way more tolerable.  They live in Oregon and we think her "medication" helps her.  Anyway, she never wanted kids.  Told me to my face.  My brother said "Wife didn't take (hard college course) to change diapers".  Now they are bemoaning the fact that they don't have grandchildren and begrudge the relationship I have with mine.  I'm very willing to share but they are not willing to take the opportunity.   Sometimes it is possible to"mother" an older person who needs mothering.  Providing they are otherwise mentally healthy and don't drain you.   There are lots of definitions of "family". 

[Love2dance]

45 minutes ago, Aja said:

I HATE CARDS WITH AN UNREASONABLE PASSION. Yeah and don't even get me STARTED on Valentine's Day. I pretty much have fetal-position reactions to every single Hallmark holiday there is. The important thing is, though, that you learned from your parents' missteps and very consciously went about breaking the cycle with your own children. That's how we make things better! 

I never had a kid. I tried to get my ex-husband into it, but he flatly refused. Everyone says "It's a blessing! You're still skinny! You have money (which--hahahahahaha. ed) ! Imagine if you had to be connected to that man for the rest of your life because you have a kid with him!" I suppose technically speaking my life is less complicated because I don't have kids. And I suppose it's true that I'm not forever biologically tied to my ex husband, which is a good thing. But I'm at the age where many of my friends have kids in high school and college...a few of my friends who got started way too early are even grandparents already...and it's hard on me sometimes. I always wanted to try to be the kind of mother I needed. And I hate being alone, not having my own family.

AJA, you are breaking my heart. I hope you will find friendships that become family and children within those groups to love. I am sending you hugs and wishes for you to be loved the way you deserve. 

[Happyfatchick]

Aja, (I shouldn't be typing because we all know I should be working...) I was with my cousin once and we were picking out Mother's Day cards.  I was rolling in the FLOOR at her reading and passing up cards.  Her mother had the maternal instincts somewhat less than a hamster (don't they eat their young?).  She kept huffing and stuffing the cards back into their slots and she said "these aren't right!  I need one that says happy Mother's Day on the outside and FU very much on the inside".  This aunt was my mother's sister.  She was cold, manipulating, conniving, rude.  Brutal.  She gave birth 4 times, and every single one of those kids has said to me during our lives that they wished my mother could have been their mother.  Those two women came from the same birth canal, weren't that many months apart in age, raised the same, same parents, same exact environment, both sharp as tacks, both married military men very close in time.  The aunt and uncle went on to start businesses and become millionaires.  My parents were frugal (squeaky!!!).  They weren't rich, but they were comfortable, secure and paid for.  We never had to pay a single red cent for either of their care, not ever.  All I ever had to give up was time, and they put in the time with us earlier to even secure their futures in that way.   

The aunt and uncle had a child my exact same age (a month apart), and they too were part of the compound (across the pasture, seriously).  We've met.  We were all crazy about the uncle (I mimick his way of talking in metaphors to this day).  She died bitter and cold.  At her funeral, her one daughter (the Mother's Day card one) said basically "she was a perfectionist.  She died".  I remember being horrified, but not really having anything else to offer.  So sad.  

Every last one of those kids except one (mothers day card) has serious issues.  One is certifiable, on medication and is a hermit.  My parents were far from perfect, and maaaaaaaan, I could tell stories.  Some bumpy crap, for sure.  Daddy especially had his "are you KIDDING me?" moments when he was younger.  They weren't perfect, but they hung in there.  They were secure, and they gave us security.  [Amen, preach it, sistah!]

Aja: adopt.

[GeeGolly]

Relationships are complicated enough, then when you insert the word family, the complications can sometimes be tenfold. Lots of folks have great families and close ties with them. Lots of folks appear to have close ties with their family members. And a lot of folks have little to do with family members.

I think we are hard wired to long for close and loving relationships with people who share our blood. But sharing a blood line isn't a reason to hold onto folks who are toxic and negative.

Sometimes the people worth investing time, energy and love in, share no blood at all. And IMHO, that's okay.

I believe that most parents, certainly not all, but most, do the best they know how.

And one more thing, while I'm on a roll. I think Facebook and the like, send inaccurate pictures of happiness and bliss, that latch onto the recesses of one's mind and then we unconsciously compare these pictures to our own lives. IMHO

[Happyfatchick]

I know exactly what you mean, GeeGolly.  I agree.  I have a FB account, but I rarely go there, and never post.  I have a different friend set than you - both my DIL's post like their lives depend on it.  Especially the one with the baby.  (But the baby is an enormous improvement over when she posted 15 pics of her ferret every day...).  The other DIL is a tell-it-like-it-is girl who posts vague rants all the time, so that all the commenters are asking for details.  Oddly enough, no one ever asked for deets about the ferret...

i also have a plethora of friends who post like the Duggs on b'days, anniversaries, anniversaries of passings, etc.

i live in small town America, and every year for Memorial Day, and again on Veterans Day, the city council lines the streets with flags for those with ties to our town who've passed on, and had military service in times of conflict. The names of the vets are each on a flag, along with the conflict(s) they served through.  It is truly a lovely sight to see all those flags aflutter all the way down Main Street.  Makes me so happy that I live in a small enough community that makes this possible.  In the center of town is a building that used to be the bank.  The city has bought it now and I'm not even sure what it's used for.   But there's a little rise of a hill going up to the bank, and on the rise, they have a flag for the unknown soldier.  I'm so proud of those flags every year.

we also have a yellow pollen festival in early spring, because we had too many weeks on the calendar with no reason to close the streets and mingle.  On Halloween, there's a big festival and the streets get closed for that as well, while the kids walk around dressed up and our fat old policemen linger in the background.  (Heee!)  Sometimes, but rarely, the streets get closed for a scene from the Walking Dead.  (It's a good opportunity to see zombies in our streets if one is into that kind of thing).  For the holidays, there's an opportunity to see the worst Christmas parade in the history of ever.  It never, ever improves.  But we go every year, hoping to see someone fall off a float moving at the speed of..you know..time.  They also close the streets before the big race and welcome the drivers trucks through town on their way to Atlanta Motor Speedway.  (Eye roll).

Sorry, I'm rambling this morning. Good morning!  Hope you had plenty of coffee before I held your hand and walked you down Main Street in Nowhere, USA.

Edited May 24, 2016 by Happyfatchick

[louannems]

My single, self-supporting, condo-owning 27 YO daughter also posts many pictures of her ferret !  And her snake and her gerbils and her cats and, of course, her dog!

[CherryMalotte]

I HATE CARDS WITH AN UNREASONABLE PASSION.

Come sit next to me.  I have some chip and dip and am making chicken for dinner.  I sent out the last of the 'thanks for expressing your sympathy' cards the other day, except for one I'm sending to a cousin, I'm enclosing a letter in that one.  But yeah...I hate cards too, except for the home made mom day cards that my daughter did in school when she was little, those were sweet.  

Today's fun...I knew it would happen. Knew it in my bones, with all my fibers and cells that this would happen. A friend of my daughter has kittens - a stray wandered to their home and presented them with eight little kitty cherubs.  I have three now, I don't need another.  Still emotionally all over the place, gearing up for the husband's surgery, trying to work and take care of the male parent.  Kittens.  Charlie the Black Beast does not like females, only males, for whatever stupid reason.  Every animal we've had has been demented in some off way.  Don't need this right now.  Ringo, when Charlie came, went into a three week snit and pooped on my husband's side of the bed.   

And...I said yes.     

[Love2dance]

Thank you HAPPYFATCHICK and CHERRYMALOTTE. Your posts made my day!!! How I love this group!

Edited May 24, 2016 by Love2dance
Change of word that didn't really fit.

[pinkie]

*waving to HFC" - I'm your v close n'bor, as in "the town next door"! (hint: L'joy)

[Happyfatchick]

No way, Pinkie!  I got dinner at Tims tonight!

[Porkchop]

I've been on four river cruises ... loved three of them! The first was on a Russian ship (just didn't realize what we were booking!), not good. Then Grand Circle's Rhine and Mosell trip ... absolutely wonderful. Next Vantage's Rhone cruise ... pretty good, but not as good as Grand Circle. And last, Grand Circle's Belgium to Holland trip ... just lovely, wonderful food, super guides, great staff on the ship. But my favorite trips have been Grand Circle's Overseas Adventure Travel trips ... a little off the beaten path, unusual accommodations, adventurous options like zip-lining, white-water rafting, etc.

[emma675]

We're flying into Munich, then driving into Passau and we start the cruise there. We'll end up in Budapest, which I'm super excited about because it takes me back to my childhood playing "Carmen Sandiego". Budapest and Istanbul were always mentioned in that game.

[Whyyouneedaname]

On 5/23/2016 at 8:34 PM, Happyfatchick said:

.

To this day, I STILL think "I have to tell Daddy _____". 

I'm going to have to make a decision soon about the house.  He built that house.  I want the house.  I don't want to move in there (right now), but I have a feeling I would want to if I owned it.  See what I mean?  I'm OLD to be having such attachment issues.  [In my defense, I know it's because we've never really been separated.  We have the whole "commune" thing going on.  And  the family's defense, this is very, very common in this area.  We tend to all stick to our childhood neighborhoods.  Sad but true.]

Sorry again about the sad story.  Tomorrow I'll tell something funny.

wow, I get you....my dad passed away 3 years ago this coming November, I was 45, my mom passed away when I was almost 2, so it's without a doubt my dad "hung the moon" Dad remarried about a year after she passed, the horrific step parent was in our life for the next 30+ years, that is a story in an of itself and I choose to not go there today. I have 5 other sisters that were all older than me, I moved into our family home probably about 3 years after I married and have lived and raised our family there. I get a sense of "my mother walked these floors, I feel close to her here", she planted flowers in my yard that still grow, she "lived here". I have no memories of her, I use to think I did until I got older and realized that you don't have memories when your a year old, it was what I had heard. Some may not understand what you're talking about but I definitely do, it's hard to let go when it's the last things that they possessed, touched, cared about. 

[Tabbygirl521]

My dad passed 25 years ago yesterday, and I also still catch myself thinking I need to ask him about something, etc. I miss him. Losing loved ones, for me, doesn't exactly get easier but somehow I guess I figure out different ways to live with it. Maybe that is "easier," I don't know. 

[lookeyloo]

1 hour ago, emma675 said:

We're flying into Munich, then driving into Passau and we start the cruise there. We'll end up in Budapest, which I'm super excited about because it takes me back to my childhood playing "Carmen Sandiego". Budapest and Istanbul were always mentioned in that game.

Sounds great. We went from Budapest to Nuremberg with a stop in Passau which I loved. 

[Catlyn]

1 hour ago, Whyyouneedaname said:

I get a sense of "my mother walked these floors, I feel close to her here", she planted flowers in my yard that still grow, she "lived here". I have no memories of her, I use to think I did until I got older and realized that you don't have memories when your a year old, it was what I had heard. 

I'm not sure if that is true. I have a vivid memory of sitting at a lake with my mother, I didn't like the water; it was cold. I remember my mom's bathing suit. I really remember wanting my brother's sailor hat and my sister's long hair. It wasn't until I was older, and saw pictures taken of that time when I realized I was still a baby/toddler. Definitely not 2 years yet. (Especially as a family story is, Grandpa liked short hair on girls. So, my mom cut my sister's hair and for almost half an hour, my not-quite-6-year-old sister screamed into the mirror, "Dam Gwampa, Damn Gwampa!" She is four years older than me. Definitely not raised Duggar!)

The lake was the first memory I have that is vivid. I was shocked when I saw the picture because I didn't realize someone that young would have such longings for something as my brother's hat.  I really wanted that hat!

You may have memories of her, they just have gotten faded with time.

[Whyyouneedaname]

13 minutes ago, Catlyn said:

I'm not sure if that is true. I have a vivid memory of sitting at a lake with my mother, I didn't like the water; it was cold. I remember my mom's bathing suit. I really remember wanting my brother's sailor hat and my sister's long hair. It wasn't until I was older, and saw pictures taken of that time when I realized I was still a baby/toddler. Definitely not 2 years yet. (Especially as a family story is, Grandpa liked short hair on girls. So, my mom cut my sister's hair and for almost half an hour, my not-quite-6-year-old sister screamed into the mirror, "Dam Gwampa, Damn Gwampa!" She is four years older than me. Definitely not raised Duggar!)

The lake was the first memory I have that is vivid. I was shocked when I saw the picture because I didn't realize someone that young would have such longings for something as my brother's hat.  I really wanted that hat!

You may have memories of her, they just have gotten faded with time.

oh wow, thank you....& as crazy as it may be when I would say something to relatives about not remembering I mostly got "hun you were just a baby, you probably don't remember" so from a complete stranger to a complete stranger, from someone who shares similar backgrounds, you've given me hope I have a hard time dealing with that sometimes, again thanks! 

[Aja]

You can absolutely have memories of being that young. I have clear memories of being in my crib and figuring out I could peel the wallpaper off the walls. I even remember being vaguely aware that I PROBABLY shouldn't be doing it because it seemed too fun to be the right thing to do, but I wasn't 100% sure, so I did it anyway. I've always had that memory but never mentioned it. Years ago, when I was in my early 30s, just out of curiosity I asked my mother if she remembers me tearing wallpaper off the walls when I was supposed to be taking a nap. Her eyes got huge. I was under two years old. 

You remember her, Whyyouneedaname. :)

Edited May 25, 2016 by Aja

[Happyfatchick]

My first inkling of memory is my Daddy preparing to go somewhere, and I was on the bed.  I crawled over and sat in the middle of his suitcase.  Everybody laughed and laughed.  I know in my heart I was very, very small.  In my mind it was in Germany, and we came home from there when I was only 2.  

[GeeGolly]

I think even those who don't have vivid memories certainly have feelings, maybe something akin to deja vu. It could be a creak in the floor a scent, a food, that brings with it feelings of love, safety and comfort.  

I understand feelings of connections to things, but I also found out, after the tornado, that the connection remains whether you have the things or not.

I have memories of my childhood, and of my brother and of my mom & dad that pop up all the time. And feel connected to them at random moments too.

One of the things that I had the hardest time with after the tornado was the feeling that our new house was just that, a house, not a home. Things can't fix that, but living here now, for about four years, it is slowly starting to feel like a home.

[lookeyloo]

My first real memory is when I was about 3. My father had come back from WWII and we lived with my grandparents. Then they found our own place. I remember walking through it - it was brand new (nothing fancy) and I remember going down the basement stairs with my hand on the rail and the walls there were white. Until the bottom when everything was cinder block. But while my father was gone (for the duration back in those days except for one furlough where I was conceived they tell me) we lived with my grandparents and teenage aunt. They had told me the story so many times of when I was about 6 months old my grandfather would come home from work and I would be outside in the baby carriage waiting for him (with my mother)  and they say he would come over to the carriage and I would kick my feet and blow bubbles. Also he would put me on his lap and read me the funny papers as they called them and feed me coffee off a spoon and let me tell you - I have been told those stories so many times that I think I remember them. How could I. I was only about 6 months old. Maybe planted memories?? 

[Jynnan tonnix]

My first memories are of feeding the chickens in my grandparents' house in Poland. I was about two and a half. I have some faint memories of the house we lived in back in London (England) as well. I recall moving to our next house outside of Bristol (England, still; we moved to the USA when I was 9) when I was about three,and memories of my mom being pregnant shortly thereafter, but, curiously, no recollection whatsoever of her going into premature labor and giving birth to my brother who lived only a day, though I am told that I was distraught and angry upon hearing that there was not going to be a baby after all. Certainly no implanted memory of that...it's a compete blank.

My older son seems to have some exceptionally early memories. He remembers random details about things during the time that my parents were living with us while their house was under construction, which was during the time he was between about 10 months old and 16 months, and I don't think those are things which were ever particularly talked about or rehashed. We don't even have much in the way of photos from that time, yet he comes up with detailed little vignettes. I also recall when he was first starting to talk, at about 18 months-2 years, remembering things that we had done way before he was vocal...things I didn't even particularly remember myself, but he would describe them. For instance, we had been at a farm when he was about 9 months old, and he had petted a horse while I was holding him, and the horse had made that snuffing/snorting sound they do, and startled him. It was such an insignificant (relatively) event that no one ever thought or talked about it afterward, but he was able to recall it. He's 30 now and still occasionally surprises me with things like that.

Edited May 26, 2016 by Jynnan tonnix
because my computer ate part of the post

[MunichNark]

14 hours ago, emma675 said:

We're flying into Munich, then driving into Passau and we start the cruise there. We'll end up in Budapest, which I'm super excited about because it takes me back to my childhood playing "Carmen Sandiego". Budapest and Istanbul were always mentioned in that game.

Make sure you wave at me in Munich :-)))

Passau is actually nice too - unless it's raining and there's floods, but that's not likely at the moment. Will you have time to do sightseeing in Munich or Passau? If you're driving by car, make sure to go off from the Motorway and use the regional roads, it's a seriously nice drive.

You can walk right along the riverside in Passau and peak into the cruise boats. I'm sure it will be a lovely cruise. And I also want to go to Budapest, it's supposed to be really nice.

[ChiCricket]

  I HAD to share with SOMEONE..I have a new grandson! (3 weeks early.)

Mom and baby are doing well. Liam was born 5/26 @ 5:21am, 6lbs 5oz.

I wouldn't dream of stealing their Facebook thunder...but they'll never know I told YOU guys. ❤

  This is more than likely my last grandchild, since they are quitting at 4 kids, and all my other kids closed up shop at least 7 years ago. 

I now have 7 grandsons and 8 granddaughters

PS.. Now maybe I can get some sleep!  goodnight..and thanks for lending me your ears...lol

Edited May 26, 2016 by ChiCricket
Spacing

[Catlyn]

Congratulations, ChiCricket! Your grandson weighs as much as I did full term! Glad everyone is doing well!

 

Funny thing about memories; I remember the lake very much, but don't remember the plane trip to Germany where we lived for 5 1/2 years! It would have taken place within the year. I used to think the lake was in Germany, but my mom when showing me the picture said it was Torch Lake in Michigan where her parents had a cabin.  Another vivid memory is all four of us kids lining up for a photograph, I remember the broken stone walkway we were standing on, because the stones were white and some had golden veins in them. I remember the dress because it was my favorite. This was when I was two almost three, but I don't have any vivid memories of anything before. How I felt about the apartment, the long plane ride, no backyard to play in.  You'd think I would remember something about those!  It was like I had just woken up and those were my first two days on earth. But, I can remember clearly things as I was getting older, so maybe the other things didn't really matter much to me.

[MunichNark]

Liam's a lovely name, congratulations! 15 grandbabies, wow!!

[Arwen Evenstar]

Congrats, Chi Cricket.  I have a nephew named Liam as well. It was my top baby name choice until my ex SIL unknowingly stole my thunder. Since there were no little Evenstars after all, I guess it was just as well.

[emma675]

I have random memories from when I was about 3, but nothing before that. And they aren't even around momentous occasions, just weird little everyday things. The brain is a funny thing.

[frenchtoast]

Congrats @ChiCricket! 

[kathe5133]

Regarding memories.  I was two years old when my sister was born and I remember!  I'm a girl and I was under the impression that since I was a girl, the next child would be a boy.  Since everyone was telling me that "she" was a girl, I worried that it meant I would now have to be a boy.  I didn't want to be a boy!  I think of that story when I think of those who are transgendered.  I knew, at 2, that I was a girl with every fiber of my being.  How horrible would it be if I had actually been anatomically male?  I imagine that's how someone transgendered feels.  I can somewhat understand their struggle.

But, anyway, my parents always insisted I was "making things up" not remembering, but other relatives would be amazed that I recalled things that they knew happened.  I wanted to be believed and if frustrated me to be called a liar.  But then I realized I knew the truth, if they didn't believe me, that was their shit.  I'd state my case and when they said I was lying, I'd just shrug! 

[Love2dance]

6 hours ago, ChiCricket said:

  I HAD to share with SOMEONE..I have a new grandson! (3 weeks early.)

Mom and baby are doing well. Liam was born 5/26 @ 5:21am, 6lbs 5oz.

 

Congratulations, CHICRICKET! What wonderful news! Enjoy the infant time. Mine are all done having babies, too, so I miss the newborn cuddles! Hugs!

[bigskygirl]

Congrats on the grandson.

[GeeGolly]

Congratulations, ChiCricket!

[Jellybeans]

I am happy for you ChiCricket!  

[Muffyn]

Memories are very strange.  I think people often get confused and think people don't have very early memories because we don't tend to remember a lot  of day-to-day things, or they fail to realize that small children interact with the world differently than adults.  For example, I have relatives that expect for me to remember street names and which public transit to take in Philadelphia.  I lived there from birth until I was 6 years old.  I certainly wasn't driving and didn't take the bus by myself so those would not have been known to me at the time.  I do have some very early memories; unfortunately many of them are ones I would rather not have.

On happy news, I am a Humanist Celebrant.  I performed my first wedding today.  It was a surprise wedding.  The couple was having a barbeque and they decided that since the people they most cared about would be there, they would get married.  They told me to dress like I was just going to a picnic because they didn't want to tip anyone off.  We had some seriously good food.  When most people were done eating, I got the crowd's attention to say that the couple had something they wanted to say.  They said their vows; I pronounced them wed.  The crowd was shocked, happy, excited - I think I could even unironically use gob smacked.  It was really touching.  And the groom made me some really good cookies.  A win all around. 

[Love2dance]

Oh, MUFFYN, what a wonderful surprise wedding story. Congratulations on being a Humanist Celebrant (a new term for me). ?

[Happyfatchick]

Very very cool, Muffyn!  And what a terrific thing they pulled off the entire surprise!  Humanist Celebrant is new for me too, I have to go look that up.  Also, congrats ChiCricket!  I love being a grandparent.  It's one of my most favorite things ever.  

We are currently at Disney, in the camper with 2 grands with us.  I love them completely without reservation, no kidding.  I love these kids.  (Yes, there's a but...).  I have this "thing" about vacation.  I work very hard, long, unrelenting hours, and always racing the clock.  Nature of the beast, I don't mean to say I'm special.  But I do work hard, and much of what we are able to do is my hard work paying off.  SOOO...when I'm on vacation, I don't like to work against a schedule of any kind.  I'm up when I'm up, I eat when I eat (and whatever I want to eat - peanut butter crackers IS a meal...).   Don't like to be pushed, I don't like to be clocked, I don't like to be messed with.  Sadly, the 12 and 13 year old grands didn't get the memo ahead of time.  They eat like holocaust survivors, and as they swallow the last bite, they want to know when to anticipate the next meal.  OMG.  One of these has been under my feet since birth and we're both working on training the other one.  What time are we _____?  What time is lunch?  When are we leaving?  She seems to have ZERO concept that my hands are full, and that leaving is when I'm done.  Grrrrr!!!  

Also, we went semi wilderness camping before Disney, so we've been gone several days already.  Here are my (valid) questions about my husband (I'm guessing men in general).  Why is it that he turns the thermostat to 65 when he's hot?  Why???  We're not about to sit in this camper at 65 degrees.  Not.  It doesn't get cooler faster if it's lower, right?  Am I confused?  The other:  Why (why, why, why???) do I have to get out and go behind the camper to help him back in when he N.E.V.E.R. does what I say.  He always says, "I can't HEAR you, you have to yell!"  So today, he's backing in and the right butt end is within 3 feet of the 4x4 with the lot marker (and there's ALOT of camper still to come).  I yell STOP!!!  He gets out, stomps back and says, "what are you YELLING about?"  I point out the marker.  He says, "I KNOW THAT!  I have to swing around to miss blah and blah".  And I swear to Baby Jebus, he does that EVERY SINGLE TIME.  What the heck???  If he doesn't want me to point it out, I could watch the show from across the street.  

I "think" the answer to question number 2 is that, honestly, he sees other wives do that for their husbands and he believes it's a law or something.  Like we're breaking a code if I don't stand behind and say something.  (Seriously, he's a fantastic driver - he's been working on and driving buses for many years, and he's a GREAT backer-upper.  He doesn't need my help and we both know it).  Question number one is a genetic quirk I guess.

His most "endearing" (not!) trait is to have me make a call about something technical, and then argue with me about the answers I get.  

Well, why'd he say that?

That doesn't make any sense!

Why did he say that???

And my number one, most favorite response from him is a tilted head, doubt-filled face, and he actually will SAY, "well, now, I don't believe he said that..."   Twelve times he's had to get stitches and twice have his head reattached and still, he NEVER learns.

And really, truly, no kidding, I love this guy.

[Barb23]

Oh Happy, your post brought back fond memories from my childhood watching our next store neighbor back their rather large RV in their driveway.  He was a great man but also a hot headed Irishman so everything set him off.  He had to maneuver around a telephone pole at end of driveway & of course, he was blocking the street while maneuvering so he had to be quick in the process.  His son was the one who was giving instructions from the back & like you said, his directions were never correct, according to his dad. I think the best was when they  came home to a later winter snowstorm & had to add snow to the picture.

Happy- how do you choose what grandkids go on your trips? 

 

[Happyfatchick]

Choosing a child is a default thing.  There are 4 here total, and my SIL chose to have the "littlwa" with her, so I got the hungry bears.  I've taken them all already and we had a ball.  (except the baby, I haven't had her out yet.)

ETA:. I usually get the older ones, and I'm not sure why.  I AM that Giggy who will feed a kid cold spaghetti for breakfast if they want it, so they all love Giggy time.  But there's this ONE KID who decided he was mine from birth.  He comes home with me every chance he gets, is with me every weekend.  Plays golf with the hubs and my cousins.  Goes fishing with my cousins.  He just decided he was sticking with the hubs and I, and has never wavered.  ROTTEN, oh my LORD, he's rotten.  Rotten in a way that dictates I make him something else to eat if he doesn't like what we're having.  Not demanding, just trusting.  But I'll say this, he is a VERY VERY picky eater (food doesn't touch, EVER, on the plate, and he doesn't eat some of the most basic foods), but he's learned to eat many things that normal people do because I've made him TRY different things.  He only started eating potatoes about a year ago.  Now baked potatoes are his favorite food in the world.  He didn't eat fish either, and he wolfs that down now (baked, fried, broiled, grilled, any way he can get it.  We eat a LOT of fish.)   No salad yet, and I loooove salad - but we're working on it.  He has the exact temperament as his father (my oldest).  He just moved in and assumed the same position I always had with his dad.  He is my heart.  (They are exactly alike, and both just LIKE me - my favorite dish in my house is a divided lunchroom plate that keeps the food separate ;)).  I always tell him that his job is to get married one day (waaaay off) and produce me an offspring (a boy) just like him so my heart will always be full when he moves on to his own life. I think that's only fair.  It's a tradition.  He's almost 14 now, big boy.  But always my baby.  I'm happy beyond words that we're still tight at this age.  He still wants me (ME!) to play with him.  In the pool, at cards, bikes, kayaking - he ALWAYS wants me with him.  My daughter, the fundy, loves me to bits, but she's cautious of turning her children over to me for mentoring.  Go figure.

Edited May 31, 2016 by Happyfatchick
Just to add info

[Readalot]

Awww Happy, thanks for sharing!  Reminds me of my relationship with my gramps. He had 8 grandchildren and loved us all fiercely, but I was his favorite!  Fishing, shooting, trig at the table, politics, we did it all together. He was the most influential person in my life.  He was truly a great man. I miss him everyday, even though he left us in 2001.  

[Barb23]

Thanks Happy & Readalot for sharing about your relationships with grandkids & grandfather.  My mom & dad were my son's daycare from the time he was 3 months old & what relationships it forged. (Too bad both my son's grandfathers died when he was 6.)  Like you Happy, there are some things my son only eats  because he was following his Granddads tastes.  Then who doesn't have a Grandma who spoils you by putting ginger ale in your sippy cup & always treating  you to a donut from the grocery store?  But as my mom says, "isn't that what Grandma's are for?"  It is funny about the daycare, my mom offered to be Baby Son's daycare when I was just about 4 months pregnant.  Her line was "we'll give it a try & see how it goes."  Well Grandma's Daycare did work out &  was in business for 20+ years.  She also took care of my 2 nieces when they came along 5 & 10 years later.  How many great  memories it created. 

[zoomama]

speaking of grandchildren, i am about to embark on a road trip of approximately 3000 miles (round trip) with my 10 year old grandson. it is not our first long haul together. he is a fun travel companion, we started this when he was 4 years old. i tried to see about a flight but its ridiculously over-the-top expensive to fly right now. i may take the dog with us for the first time -- not sure how that will work out.  i will check in though.

[JayInChicago]

I just made an extremely silly Duggar related autocorrect error that i would like to share.

 

[MunichNark]

On 21.5.2016 at 4:56 PM, emma675 said:

I'm so excited, y'all! I have a trip planned to Europe next month--a river cruise down the Danube and we're stopping in countries I never thought I'd see or planned on seeing. I've been to England, Scotland and France, but never further east into Europe.

Emma, just in case you haven't left yet, please be aware that there's currently massive flooding in Lower Bavaria and we've had lots of rain. You most likely will not be affected since you'll be in Upper Bavaria, but in case.......maybe check out road info before you go, if you're driving yourself

[zoomama]

how thoughtful to let her know!!!

last night we went to our local AAA baseball game. not a lot of people there but still fun was had. my sweet grandson chased foul balls to his hearts content -- he was far faster than any of the other kids. but what is really special is that every other ball he chased, he gave to another child. he still came home with a glove full. i was so proud of his unselfishness.