Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[Fuzzysox]

Happy Birthday HFC!!! I can't believe we are missing a chance to fellowship on the stinkbus! 

[Happyfatchick]

In nursing school (a billion years ago - - I didn't finish because) we were assigned geriatric patients during that rotation. My patient was a little gnarled up black woman with Parkinson's, without the dementia. Advanced stages (Parkinson's, Unlike Alzheimer's has distance markers for stage progression). She was stage 4. And locked up (literally LOCKED UP) on a hall with CRAZY people. When she was NOT crazy. No longer able to articulate, she was capable of latching on and aligning herself with anyone she perceived as being able to help. And I was IT. It was frightening to see - an active mind inside a body that would no longer cooperate. Saddest saddest thing. I was CONSTANTLY being written up for getting too involved with my patients...I was like detective Minnie Mouse, calling and berating family members for not coming to see their father, going to see patients after surgeries. And I got written up for Ms. Parkinson's because she was CONVINCED I was superwoman and could rescue her from her prison that was her disease and thence the bigger prison that was the lockdown of reality. Dear Sweet Baby Jesus: please please please don't make me die with Alzheimer's or Parkinson's, I love you very much, Amen. There is SO SO SO much dementia (RAMPANT among the women in our family) that it is a constant, nagging, daily fear for me. I am CLEARLY ADD, which is going to hamper a diagnosis at some point - how will they KNOW???? Ugh. The YUCK of caring (first hand - hands on) for Alzheimer's when I may, in fact, hit that path for real in just a few short years...is TERRIFYING.

[Happyfatchick]

[quote name="CalicoKitty" post="1418278" timestamp="1439679323" I know this will be a long, hard road (why is my computer suddenly writing in italics??)

Because your computer is completely sympathetic to your thoughts and it agrees that yes, this is about to be a long hard road!

In other news, my peeps (my Amish escapee cousins) took the top off the jeep and drove downtown Atlanta last night, and WE had a BALL. IT WAS A HOOT!!! On the way home, I was YELLING at them, over the noise of the jeep and the wind) about the origin of the F bomb being German. They thought, both of them, and then CRACKED UP, saying the Dutch (Amish) version of sex is indeed something that sounds like "fuxe". Haha!!! We had a big laugh from that, I kept calling them Earle and Duke Von Fuxe.

Edited August 16, 2015 by Happyfatchick

[lookeyloo]

HFC happy birthday. We are back in the states, Georgia to be exact, after 12 days across the pond. I did manage to find various free wifi so I could sort of keep up.

[Happyfatchick]

HFC happy birthday. We are back in the states, Georgia to be exact, after 12 days across the pond. I did manage to find various free wifi so I could sort of keep up.

Welcome to Georgia! So you actually went OVERSEAS!!! Maybe you could give us a geography lesson explaining how OVER AN OCEAN defines "overseas". Welcome home!

[HundFan]

I posted late last night with my mind on a different topic, but I am genuinely sorry, HFC, Jynnan Tonnix & Suz at Large, to hear of your soul-testing struggles with loved ones suffering dementia & Alzheimers. I can only imagine the difficulty of walking the paths you have been (and still are) on. So please excuse my inadvertent insouciance while you were in the midst of such heavy shares. Hugs to all of you and to all the others here who have walked through that fire.

 

ETA: Happy birthday, HFC! I clearly need a Ritalin to focus on what I intended to say.

Edited August 16, 2015 by HundFan

[lookeyloo]

Thanks!! Well I can't explain that!! It isn't a pond either. But coming back was a 9 hour flight with no wifi. We think because of the problems with something in the northeast. Air traffic out? We took a big sweep close to Detroit. I didn't follow too closely. Didn't see any Duggars on trip.

[JenCarroll]

My grandmother (may she rest in peace) had progressive senile dementia (vascular dementia, NOT Alzheimer's), and from age 93 on she was completely around the bend. She didn't recognize anyone, but for some reason she always thought my father (her son) was the doctor. And she was completely convinced my mother (her daughter-in-law) was the maid. You had to laugh, right? What else could you do? The doctor and the maid.

I was able to bring my then-boyfriend, current husband, to meet her before she died, and she thought he was the doctor too. I didn't think she recognized me at all. She paid no attention to me. But then just when we were leaving she grabbed my hand and pointed at DH, and said, very intensely, "That boy is a mensch."* So I choose to believe she had a moment of lucidity where she gave us her blessing.

*("He's a mensch" is Jewish for "he's good people.")

[kathe5133]

My grandmother had senile dementia too. Did not know anyone. But, Nana loved rings, especially diamond rings. Her engagement ring was in the vault for fear she would lose it or it would get stolen. Each Christmas my gift to her was a cubic zirconia "diamond" ring. She never lost her love of the bling! My aunt would spend thousands on clothes, a new Geri-chair, bed linens. Once she opened my ring she talked of nothing else! Of course the next day it would be gone. (Would have given a nickel to see the look on the person's face when they tried to hock it!). So her last Christmas my aunt insisted she hand it back so it could be put in the "vault". Every week when I visited her I would give it to her as if for the first time. She loved it! Every Wednesday was Christmas in her world! I still have that cheap piece of glass today. It makes me smile.

[emma675]

My grandmother had Alzheimer's, too (and some horrible bitch of a nursing home employee stole her wedding ring before we could put it in a safe deposit box). It is such a horrible disease, almost like losing a person twice. I have mental slips every now and then and each time I have a silent panic attack, thinking "is this it? do I have it, too?". I worked with a lady who developed early on-set Alzheimer's in her late 40's (!!) and it was just terrible to see. I think I'd rather be hit by a bus or die in a plane crash than slowly die from Alzheimer's or Parkinson's.

[Julia]

In nursing school (a billion years ago - - I didn't finish because) we were assigned geriatric patients during that rotation. My patient was a little gnarled up black woman with Parkinson's, without the dementia. Advanced stages (Parkinson's, Unlike Alzheimer's has distance markers for stage progression). She was stage 4. And locked up (literally LOCKED UP) on a hall with CRAZY people. When she was NOT crazy. No longer able to articulate, she was capable of latching on and aligning herself with anyone she perceived as being able to help. And I was IT. It was frightening to see - an active mind inside a body that would no longer cooperate. Saddest saddest thing. I was CONSTANTLY being written up for getting too involved with my patients...I was like detective Minnie Mouse, calling and berating family members for not coming to see their father, going to see patients after surgeries. And I got written up for Ms. Parkinson's because she was CONVINCED I was superwoman and could rescue her from her prison that was her disease and thence the bigger prison that was the lockdown of reality. Dear Sweet Baby Jesus: please please please don't make me die with Alzheimer's or Parkinson's, I love you very much, Amen. There is SO SO SO much dementia (RAMPANT among the women in our family) that it is a constant, nagging, daily fear for me. I am CLEARLY ADD, which is going to hamper a diagnosis at some point - how will they KNOW???? Ugh. The YUCK of caring (first hand - hands on) for Alzheimer's when I may, in fact, hit that path for real in just a few short years...is TERRIFYING.

 

Seriously? If you ever get to New York, you not only have a place to stay, I'm going to find someplace really fancy to take you out to dinner at.

[Bella]

I've never had a pair of crocs on.  What's good about crocs?  IMO they look uncomfortable, heavy, and likely to cause injury to feet or fall.

 

From the Duggar lifestyle thread ... except I don't think they wear Crocs ... I hate Crocs. They're a criminal assault on my eyes. I also own a pair because I'm a hiker, and at the end of the day I need to put something on my feet if I'm going to do anything other than sit around and moan about my feet. I've worn them into nice restaurants near national parks and in the cantina at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. They're better than flip-flops because there's debris in the woods and the desert, and that just gets up under my feet in flip-flops. Crocs also weigh nothing. I run a bandanna through their straps and attach them to my backpack. I wouldn't be caught dead in them under normal circumstances.

[kokapetl]

The Amish wear crocs. They're that attractive.

[NewDigs]

I'm a flip flop wearer and cannot imagine not wearing them. Olukai makes some with incredible arch support and they last forever. Which is a good thing because they aren't cheap. I wear mine almost daily and have had a couple of pairs that have lasted years. I almost wish they'd wear out just for the change.

And without benefit of even trying them I hate Crocs! But my husband loves them. I predict multiple pairs in the entry. Right next to my wood clogs and flips. Go figure.

[kalamac]

There are nurses at my work that wear crocs. I hate the way they look, but supposedly there are great for being on your feet all day, and they're non-slip and easy to clean, plus cheap, so if you do get something really gross on them, you don't mind just throwing them away and getting a new pair.

[GeeGolly]

Oh golly, it's Sunday night. Whoever created the work week and weekends got it backward.

[kokapetl]

Doesn't even Michelle Duggar wear Crocs?

[Happyfatchick]

I love crocs.  I have flippies too, LOTS of them. And hiking boots, and cowboy(girl) boots.  COWBOY BOOTS!!!!!  (I do I do I DO!!!!!!  And I LOVE them!!!  I take pics of my feet with my boots on in my Jammies, in jeans, in yoga pants - I don't go out in public with all that mess and my boots, but I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE my boots like a little 5 year old boy with a pop gun!  hehe!!!)  And I have several pairs of sneakers... but only a couple pairs of dress shoes.  I work from home, I don't have to dress much.  (It's the LIFE, really!) 

[Readalot]

Early onset Alzheimer's runs in my family. 40's. I'm 47. Issues first documented about a decade ago. Same time decade ago did about 15 tests with Neuropsychologist and he confirmed short term memory issues. Enough my IQ points dropped 13 points to 119. My neurologist offered to give me meds they give Alzeheiners patients. Dr refused to give me blood test to help with diagnoses. He said You should live like your are dying tomorrow anyways. A diagnosis won't change a thing. (Interesting enough and sad he died of cancer early last year) About a year and a half ago my hubby and I webt to my neurologist to discuss all my short term related issues. He suggest to start with a sleep study to see if sleep deprivation was causing issues. Mild sleep apnea I wear the appliance. Symptoms getting worse. I'd say hourly my short term memory issues affect my quality of life and interfere with personal relations. I know I need to go back to the dr. Ugh.

Edited August 17, 2015 by Readalot

[Readalot]

I can't remember names at face value. Let's say I meet you and your name is Sammy. I can't remember Sammy but I can remember that's its 6 letters and it's consonant, vowel, consonant, consonant vowel. So I might call you Bobby. I've read that intelligent people that have Alzeheimers figure out other ways to remember things so diagnosis is delayed.

I'm constantly playing games in my head to remember things. They rarely work. Combined with my ADD I'm a piece of work. Lol. Thanks for listening

[Muffyn]

Readalot, I am sorry you are dealing with this.  It has to be scary.   

[Love2dance]

READALOT, so very sorry. I hope when you do return to the doctor they can give you some answers, but more importantly, some help. Sending many ff hugs.

[Happyfatchick]

Early onset Alzheimer's runs in my family. 40's. I'm 47. Issues first documented about a decade ago. Same time decade ago did about 15 tests with Neuropsychologist and he confirmed short term memory issues. Enough my IQ points dropped 13 points to 119. My neurologist offered to give me meds they give Alzeheiners patients. Dr refused to give me blood test to help with diagnoses. He said You should live like your are dying tomorrow anyways. A diagnosis won't change a thing. (Interesting enough and sad he died of cancer early last year) About a year and a half ago my hubby and I webt to my neurologist to discuss all my short term related issues. He suggest to start with a sleep study to see if sleep deprivation was causing issues. Mild sleep apnea I wear the appliance. Symptoms getting worse. I'd say hourly my short term memory issues affect my quality of life and interfere with personal relations. I know I need to go back to the dr. Ugh.

oooooh NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! You are LIVING my biggest fear! I am so so sorry you have to deal with this. Life suuuuucks the big one sometimes (and this qualifies). What I've learned is exactly what you're doing to keep yourself as mentally alert as possible. Crossword puzzles, word games, sudoku, scrabble - anything that makes you stretch. Do keep wearing your appliance at night, even if it drives you crazy. Sleep apnea (well, YOU know) starves the brain of oxygen. Oh Good Lord, I want to hold your hand!!! O.M.G., I HATE THIS DISEASE!!!!!

Do you have children?

ETA: my daughter (an RN) was reading up on memory loss/Alzheimer's a couple years ago, and she gave me lists of things my mom should EAT that supposedly stimulate your brain. Fish, I remember, and some other things that you can find on the Internet. And also some things you should avoid. Also, there's a tendency to draw down, and avoid stimulation. But she says stimulation is GOOD for you, because it forces you to be alert. (She suggested I take my mom to Six Flags...but I declined).

Edited August 17, 2015 by Happyfatchick

[Micks Picks]

Readalot, my heart is with you.

[Micks Picks]

Readalot, can't get you off my mind.  

• ​You know you are doing memory tricks the pros teach, for big bucks, right?  All by yourself, whatever works, be it noun, consonant, or remembering that Floyd has roids, or whatever.  I used to teach college and had a notepad that I used to write the name and something stupid next to it so I would remember them.  I would just die if anyone ever saw the notepad.  But it worked.
• I don't believe in the validity of most of the memory tests medical personnel give.  The simple who are you, what day of the week is it, the date, year, when you enter the ER become crap.  My husband got tired of it and would give nonsense answers after awhile.  He was tired of the game and being treated like an idiot.  I told ER docs, and of course they knew better.  But I didn't know the day of the week or date myself half the time, good I wasn't asked, because I had no particular need to know.  I only knew it was a day since I last got him out of the hospital and now here we were in the ER again.  Whether it was Tues or WEdnesday was beside the point.  I was tired.
• I ace neurologists.  Also shrinks.  Have a good time because they at least have an IQ and are fast responders.  Social workers and med personnel at my house asking me questions about my finances are a different deal altogether.  I'm hostile.
• The test in office where they give you 4 unrelated words and tell you to remember them and then have a conversation with you  and suddenly change the subject and ask what the 4 words were are unfair and show nothing.   They are insulting.  The patient has tried to be nice and have a conversation and all of a sudden they are aware they were tricked and betrayed.  I won't play the game, and say so.  They can't do the test with me, I won't allow it.
• You don't forget things because your brain is bad, but because you have so much there and there is so much to keep up with as time goes by.  
• I have a form of face blindness.  I likely will never hook up your face and name if I don't have something else to go by.  Like my notepad with sometimes vile notes or how you walk or how you speak.  This is not new.  Always been like this.
• Brain diseases are awful, and my husband spent so much time in rehab centers where patients down the hall screamed all night.  That was valid.  When I was in hospital for a long time, I was thankful I didn't have them for roommates.  But I just know that many cases are diagnosed as Alzheimers that are not.  And with the money in the system, with better diagnosis, there should be more help.  But the first key is proper diagnosis.  And diagnosis of any kind is pathetic.  
• Please don't think of minor things as a disease process.  Please.  
• I have no family.  It scares me.  I don't ever want a retirement/rest home.  I don't want to assign my medical decisions or medicines to anybody else, which you have to do.  If I have a disease that requires that total turnover of self, I want an at home, pay under the table because I don't want an official service, attendant so I can cease taking meds that keep me alive.  Assuming that I have such meds.  Unfortunately you can be miserable without having anything that kills you.   
• I'm hoping to eventually move to a retirement community where they have intellectual, political, science clubs and some transportation so I don't have to drive all the time.  And somebody who will notice if I die.  
• I do have one sister, who is so awful to me that I want to set up a foundation to do the works I want done rather than give her more than what it will costs for her to dispose of my stuff.  I'll pay for a job done.  That's all.  And say $10,000 to take care of my dog.  She is a shit to me, but she really likes my dog.
• Readalot, you write too well to have big problems now.  You will be ok.  You can't rock like you do now and be mindless.  Be well, act well.  Keep rocking out.

[Happyfatchick]

Micks Picks, I swear to heaven, you are the forum equivalent to Weaser from Steel Magnolias. I LOVE you!!! Come move next door to me so we can throw stuff at each other across the yard when we're pissed off!!! I'm not kidding when I say this, YOU ARE one of a handful of people I quickly scan down to see what you've written since I was here last. And you are CERTAINLY one of the people I would most dearly love to meet in person. I want you on my team when it's time to make MY medical decisions. Because I WANT a no-nonsense person RIGHT THERE for me. Someone who will say to my sappy family, ENOUGH ALREADY, PULL THE DAMN PLUG!!!!! (You can make a note about it in your little snark book!).

Also, I've never met anybody in my life who identified with "face blindness". I T-O-T-A-L-L-Y understood immediately what you meant. EVERYBODY says "oh, I know your face, but can't think of your name". Not me!!! I worked in big factories. I would memorize immediately (without meaning to) 500 employees names, middle initials and DOB's. Furthermore, if I ever saw it in print, I could tell you most of their spouses names AND children's names. BUT... If I interviewed 15 candidates for a factory job in one day, and ran into one of them at Walmart that night - I would have sworn in court I'd never seen them before in my life. Faces do not stick for me. So, like you, I made notes. Because after the interview day was done, they were one big blob of people... Except for my "seriously ugly green suit", "very prissy", "hair like a pineapple explosion", "VERY sweaty", and "GAWD, THE COLOGNE!!" notes. And those were the days when the EEOC could have made my life HELL for those notes. (Although I was fairly careful not to make notes about gender, national origin, etc...). How many TIMES in my life have I said (and was completely innocent)..."Do I know you?" It's HORRIBLE!!! Still happens. Happened in a restaurant last week, with this woman INSISTING we had been "best friends"! I thought she had me confused with someone else until she told me her name. (THEN I was able to ask after her parents BY NAME!!!)

And back to the subject at hand: Readalot - what SHE said!!

[GeeGolly]

Readalot time is on your side. This area of medicine is being studied with intensity right now. My heart goes out to you. Warm & fuzzies traveling through the interwebs as I type.

Edited August 17, 2015 by GeeGolly

[JenCarroll]

My husband has face blindness. Can't pick people out without some context, even people he knows very well. One time my sister ran into him at the grocery store, and she was all offended because he didn't greet her. I was like, "Well, if YOU said hello, then he'd know who you were." He has actually failed to recognize ME a time or two, when he wasn't expecting me to be there; I don't know what Sis was so pissy about!

It's a neurological oddity, but it's not a sign of stupidity (DH has a Ph.D) and its not a precursor of dementia. It can be a little embarrassing, although DH is way past being embarrassed about it. We're human beings, we all have our things.

[questionfear]

My grandmother (may she rest in peace) had progressive senile dementia (vascular dementia, NOT Alzheimer's), and from age 93 on she was completely around the bend. She didn't recognize anyone, but for some reason she always thought my father (her son) was the doctor. And she was completely convinced my mother (her daughter-in-law) was the maid. You had to laugh, right? What else could you do? The doctor and the maid.

I was able to bring my then-boyfriend, current husband, to meet her before she died, and she thought he was the doctor too. I didn't think she recognized me at all. She paid no attention to me. But then just when we were leaving she grabbed my hand and pointed at DH, and said, very intensely, "That boy is a mensch."* So I choose to believe she had a moment of lucidity where she gave us her blessing.

*("He's a mensch" is Jewish for "he's good people.")

 

Aww, I totally agree with you that your grandma was blessing your BF/future husband.

 

I had a similar experience with my grandma. She was the first person in my family to meet my then-GF, now-wife, and she LOVED her. When Grandma started to show signs of dementia, she got really worried she wouldn't live to see us get married. She started asking us when we were planning to get married, and we would explain we still needed more time. When the dementia really took hold, we would be visiting her and she would just interrupt whatever we were discussing to say "WHEN?"

 

Fast forward to when she had a stroke and was dying; we went to visit her and to relieve my parents from their bedside vigil for an hour or so. Grandma had been quiet all morning and she suddenly opened her eyes, looked at me and asked where my GF was. So GF spoke up and said "I'm over here, Grandma". Grandma rolled over, pulled her diamond ring off her finger, and handed to my GF. It was the last time we saw her somewhat coherent, and we knew it was her way of saying "whenever you get married, I am making damn sure some part of me is there, so here's the ring, get to it."

 

I miss Grandma to this day, and I love telling that story. Grandma was 93 when she died, and she loved me, loved my GF, and would have taken on anyone, anywhere, who ever gave us trouble for being  a same-sex couple. She was awesome. 

 

(Even though the dementia made her paranoid, which led to some funny moments like when she called my dad to tell him there was a front page story in the paper about her, or the time we walked by the out of order elevators in her assisted living facility and she casually told us "oh, those aren't broken, they just want you to think they are.")

[jmt111]

Wok Chop: i too found breaking into paralegal jobs very difficult. I took a clerical position at a large firm and worked my way up. My best advice (including all the other posters) is to become tech savvy. Law firms desperately need people that know electronic discovery; also firm wide docketing systems. Other growing areas are IP. Keep trying to get your foot in the door. Hard work is rewarded and best of luck!

[Absolom]

Readalot, I'm so sorry you are going through this.  I wish you all the best and an extremely slow progression. 

 

Now I'm getting ads on face shape analysis thanks to the face blindness discussion.  :)

[wanderwoman]

Maisie had her cochlear turned on and is doing better. She's gaining weight again and is babbling away. :)

My health isn't good but the fat lady hasn't sung.

In other news, the man I thought was my rock and my heart has decided all of this is truly o much for him and he wants a separation. I'm not sure how much more I can take. He loves Maisie. I know that much is true. However, after my last chemo round, he came to me with tears and frustration to tell me this wasn't what he signed up for. As if I chose this for our life? He actually said, "I wish we could go back to before...." I'm angry and betrayed. How could I have not seen this coming?

[bigskygirl]

I am so sorry. {{{Full frontal hugs for you and little hugs for our Maisie girl}}} and kisses.

[amitville]

Maisie had her cochlear turned on and is doing better. She's gaining weight again and is babbling away. :)

My health isn't good but the fat lady hasn't sung.

In other news, the man I thought was my rock and my heart has decided all of this is truly o much for him and he wants a separation. I'm not sure how much more I can take. He loves Maisie. I know that much is true. However, after my last chemo round, he came to me with tears and frustration to tell me this wasn't what he signed up for. As if I chose this for our life? He actually said, "I wish we could go back to before...." I'm angry and betrayed. How could I have not seen this coming?

O.M.G my sweet wandermwomen that is terrible news .  Do no blame yourself you could not seeing it coming. You love your husband and have  no reason to even think about it.  I am angry at Mister man for not stepping up to plate and burying his head ..  I am glad Our Maisie is gaining weight and had her cochlear turned on.  All i can send is FFHUgs love and kisses to both my girls

Edited August 17, 2015 by amitville

[lookeyloo]

Oh Wanderwoman! No one is prepared for what you are going through. My first husband did something similar to me. I thought my heart would actually break and I would die. And I had two very small children. And I was sick. It is suffering for sure. You are suffering. You won't believe it now and I surely didn't, but time will help. Anonymity is a good thing on these boards but I do wish we could all come comfort and take care of you. Looking forward to when you are well and Maisie is sassing you. Meanwhile sending all the ffcyberhugs you can manage.

[Love2dance]

WANDERWOMAN. there are no words to express how sorry I am to read your post. I sincerely hope you have resources available to help you cope with all you are having to deal with. It is certainly more than any one person should be handed at once. Glad to hear the good news about Maisie. Sending you love, and hugs, and wishes I could do more.

Edited to say my "like" on your post is also only to show support.

Edited August 17, 2015 by Love2dance

[Julia]

Maisie had her cochlear turned on and is doing better. She's gaining weight again and is babbling away. :)

My health isn't good but the fat lady hasn't sung.

In other news, the man I thought was my rock and my heart has decided all of this is truly o much for him and he wants a separation. I'm not sure how much more I can take. He loves Maisie. I know that much is true. However, after my last chemo round, he came to me with tears and frustration to tell me this wasn't what he signed up for. As if I chose this for our life? He actually said, "I wish we could go back to before...." I'm angry and betrayed. How could I have not seen this coming?

I'm so sorry.

Please, for the sake of both of you, for Maisie, insist that if this is going to happen, he must attend professional counseling with you first, and make explicit financial arrangements for you and your daughter. He needs to hear from an impartial third party that he doesn't get to walk away from his responsibilities if he walks away from his family. That's not just a social expectation. That's the law. And it means his life after is going to be a lot less stress-free than he probably thinks blowing things up is going to accomplish.

Edited August 17, 2015 by Julia

[Jellybeans]

I didn't "like" your post but I wanted you to know I read it.

I am sorry about Mr.Wanderman. I am going through something similiar right now.

So happy Maisie is doing well. I hope your health improves quickly and soon. Many hugs from me.

[NewDigs]

wanderwoman my heart his breaking and my eyes seem to be leaking.

So many hugs and kind thoughts and high hopes are heading your way right now. You are right, no one signs up for your travails and shame on him for not trying harder.

Be well. We know you are strong.

You are not only woman, you are WANDERWOMAN!

Maybe we can stitch you up a cape...

[emma675]

wanderwoman, I think if this group could, we would descend on you and Maisie in mass to take care of you both. I only hope you can feel the love and prayers coming through for you. Hang in there.

[amitville]

I didn't "like" your post but I wanted you to know I read it.

I am sorry about Mr.Wanderman. I am going through something similiar right now.

So happy Maisie is doing well. I hope your health improves quickly and soon. Many hugs from me.

Miss Jellybeans FFHUGS kisses to you my friend.

[Love2dance]

JELLYBEANS....Been there, done that too. Thought my heart would break. But it healed and I found a true partner and husband, and a happier life. I am wishing you and WANDERWOMAN contentment and love in the future, too. Many Hugs to you.

Edited August 17, 2015 by Love2dance

[Jenniferbug]

I'm so sorry, WanderWoman. I have no words to ease what you're going through. You and Maisie are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Wok Chop]

wanderwoman, I am sorry that you are dealing with so much right now. I'm not good with words when it comes to these matters, but I think of you and Maisie often. I hope that you are able to find the strength to endure all that has been placed upon you. Hugs to you.

[frenchtoast]

Hugs, wanderwoman. It must be devastating, but I think he's terrified--of losing you, finances, the baby. And people do things they regret when they're scared. I wish that he could see that it will get better, but it's so difficult. The two of you have been through the wringer and it's not fair. I can only hope that you and he have a friends and family you can lean right now. You both need it. And I hope you can find a support group or counseling to help you this terrible time. It must get better. It must.

[CherryMalotte]

I'm sorry for all of you.  I haven't read in a few days because of work and had another project going on, plus we have our hands full now with 'what are we going to do with grandma' in my own world.  And thankfully grandma is in fairly good health for 94, but we are at the point where we don't think she should be on her own much longer.  It's not my final decision, but my mother and my uncles - which means I'm on the receiving end of a lot of anger and speculation and talk talk talk.  And...that's okay.  At some point I may tell them all to just shut up and make a decision, but for now I am content to be the vent person.  Content, not happy mind you.

 

Wander - you've got a raw deal the whole way around with this crap.  And I totally agree 500% that he needs some counseling and should see a therapist or someone before this goes any further.

 

Without saying much myself, yes I've had 'that man' pull a dilly on me last year.  I however have the luxury of being married a long long time, with him for longer, and my child is much older.  It was a painful situation, and while I was at first tearful and distraught, but the anger is what fueled me to say to him 'you know what asshole, you don't want to be here?  Then get the fuck out and get the fuck out of my way, because if you aren't here to help me, then you are totally useless to me and are just dragging me down.'  You know what, life is hard.  It's not easy.  And nobody signs up for the hard shit, there's no checklist that you've gone thru that says 'oh yeah, I want to have a hard life and go thru job crap, and crappy in laws, and sucky health, and payments and all that junk.  Yeah, gimme a double scoop of trouble and pain!  I think it's okay to have that 15 minute pity party but then you just have to put that paddle in and either row yourself to shore, and get thru the rapids of life the best way you can.  And not drag anybody down with you while you are at it...hopefully.  

[wanderwoman]

Hugs, wanderwoman. It must be devastating, but I think he's terrified--of losing you, finances, the baby. And people do things they regret when they're scared. I wish that he could see that it will get better, but it's so difficult. The two of you have been through the wringer and it's not fair. I can only hope that you and he have a friends and family you can lean right now. You both need it. And I hope you can find a support group or counseling to help you this terrible time. It must get better. It must.

Thank you, all.

We went to counselling for six weeks. He never seemed into it. I feel like there are two sides of him locked in a battle for his personality. I gave him so many encouragement and thanks for providing for us when I was pregnant and then during Maisie's NICU stay. He told the counsellor he felt abandoned by my choice to take Maisie back to the hospital we started at, instead of staying at the one that almost killed her. What grown man feels "abandoned" by that? He also said that he's feeling too much pressure from work, M's needs, and my needs to such an extant that he feels he "gets nothing". Well, Jesus! After four hours of therapy, sign classes, volumes of paperwork for M's medical calendar, and cancer, I just don't have the energy to be sexual or pamper him. I am trying to see it from his view but I have an internal monologue that says, "Man up, Man."

[amitville]

Thank you, all.

We went to counselling for six weeks. He never seemed into it. I feel like there are two sides of him locked in a battle for his personality. I gave him so many encouragement and thanks for providing for us when I was pregnant and then during Maisie's NICU stay. He told the counsellor he felt abandoned by my choice to take Maisie back to the hospital we started at, instead of staying at the one that almost killed her. What grown man feels "abandoned" by that? He also said that he's feeling too much pressure from work, M's needs, and my needs to such an extant that he feels he "gets nothing". Well, Jesus! After four hours of therapy, sign classes, volumes of paperwork for M's medical calendar, and cancer, I just don't have the energy to be sexual or pamper him. I am trying to see it from his view but I have an internal monologue that says, "Man up, Man."

Now my eyes are leaking my sweet friend i have no words i just wish i could turn back the hands of time and fix everything.  

[GeeGolly]

Whoa. Wanderwoman, so sorry. Sorry your husband is struggling with all this and is not able to man-up. This truly sucks. It seems really unfair that he gets to 'walk away', which I'm sure you would like to do, and you don't have that option. I wish I had a magic wand or magic words for you to help ease all the pain you are going through. Life truly isn't fair sometimes and that fucking sucks! 

 

Know that you have a community here that is safe, supportive and open to 'listening' to anything you need to share. Sharing is helpful, even when you don't realize it. Even if you need to vent and do not want a response, do so. Just say no response and we can just 'like' your post so you know you been heard.

 

If you are short on hope, I have plenty. Borrow as much as you need.

[Happyfatchick]

Wander, I sat here for 10'full minutes trying to figure out something to say.
[watch out everybody, FOUL ALERT!!!]
Shit.
That's all I have right now, but I'm a southern spitfire; I'll be back.
ETA1: I think I'm usually more articulate than this, but I got NOTHING!!! I am so ANGRY I could SPIT!!! I wish he were MY kid, we'd have some come to Jaysus time. I don't even recall being so mad at someone I've never met!!

ETA2:  I'm just coming back to this same post to vent until I feel better.  If I'm still adding posts in 2311, someone contact a mod to cut me off.  For days now, I've been getting (as one of my "promoted stories" choices at the bottom) this truly SCARY picture of what appears to be a girl (big white collar with a bow) but the caption says something about childhood pics of the most evil men in history.  Whoever that kid is, they are FRIGHTENING - EVIL LOOKING - like he/she may actually EAT the face of the photographer.  Truly scary.  I hope Maisie's daddy wakes up in the very early hours o the morning with THAT KID hovering over him.  (Was I going somewhere profound with this???  Nope.  I hope that kid scares the daylights out of him.  I hope he screams like a GIRL and wets the bed.)

ETA3: I don't wish bodily harm on this turd, I really don't.  (Because I want him healthy enough to pay child support...)  But I hope he has a dead battery in the morning.  I hope he runs out of gas tomorrow.  I hope he has to walk 6 miles to GET said gas.  (Uphill).  I hope someone sends him 50 pairs of BIG BOY PANTIES for his birthday.  I hope the milk is sour when he pours it on his cornflakes in the morning (before he figures out his battery is dead).  I hope his own mother meets him in a dark alley tomorrow.  I hope his own mother is something like me, if only for a moment.  (I'm channeling her).  Or his father, or his sister, I don't care.  I hope every last ONE of his friends looks at him in the next week or so with their eyebrows touching their hairlines, saying "WTH???  Are you KIDDING me???"

ETA4:  I'm a tiny hair over 5'1 (and every little bit counts).  My oldest son is 6'.  He's always been extremely funny - he loves a crowd, loves an audience.  When he was in high school, it was his self appointed J.O.B. to entertain the other teenagers in church.  I played piano and couldn't very well "get" him during church.  One particularly "happy" Sunday, I met up with him afterwards on the church porch and just lit into him a-yak-a-yak-a-yak-a about how it's NOT his duty to entertain other kids during church, a-yak-a-yak-a-yak-a, I mean, I was practically reading him his rights.  I'm standing near enough to give him the full fury, with my head tilted back, looking up and going AT IT.  I was FURIOUS with his disrespect.  Just then, he realized some of his friends were still standing there, listening, and he cut his eyes over to them with just the ever-so-slightest-bit of a smirk on his lips.  Oooooooh NOOOOOOO he didn't!!!!!  Before anyone could have blinked, I shot out my closed fist and hit him full in the chest.  The whole porch gasped and fell silent, and his friends wisely slinked off.  My husband sucked his lips in and took a step back.  THAT'S the southern ball-o-fire who wants to meet Mr.Wander.   Juuuuust sayin'.

Edited August 18, 2015 by Happyfatchick