Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[frenchtoast]

Happy Birthday, HappyFatChick! I will be raising a glass of Jack Daniel's Honey Whiskey to you. Tonight, though. I have to drive today and help my mom figure out her schedule online at WalMart and I need to be sober to do that.

[Jenniferbug]

Happy birthday Happyfatchick!

I'm a leftie! Thanks for the acknowledgement Amitville!

FrenchToast, thanks for your mod post yesterday. It brought tears to this new mamas eyes, as I've been feeling that my body is "wrecked" lately. But the reason for the wreckage is asleep on my chest, and just adorably giggled in her sleep, so it's worth it :-)

[JenCarroll]

Putting on my left blinker for a moment: my Amish Aunt Susie died this afternoon. My family RULES in the sarcasm field, and deaths are equal opportunity. Please don't be offended by the following - I received this text from my brother:

Aunt Susie died this afternoon. She was 784 as near as we can tell.

[A few minutes later, this text followed:]

Correction: I've been informed she was 783 at the time of death.

God bless her, she a very good woman and a wonderful mother. Her children are good people, extremely well read and well rounded (considering the Amish). Still, she's been O.L.D. since I can remember. I'm pretty sure she skipped middle age altogether.

Back to the convo: I read P&P and the other Jane books a million years ago, but they didn't have the lasting impact for me that they have for you guys. I asked for reading materials the other day, but now I think I have to go back there and read those again. I want in this club!!!

Very sorry to hear about your aunt. But I get it -- when my great uncle Jack died at, literally, 107 years of age, it was hard to get really distraught about it. I'm also a fan of inappropriate humor, and I'd love to tell the story of Aunt Min's Funeral, but you really have to hear it -- it's the NY-Jewish-Old people voices that take it from funny to completely hysterical. And every word of it is true. Sigh. Limitations of message boards.

My husband hated Jane Austen when forced to read her work in high school, but one vacation I started reading little bits out loud and he was really surprised. She was a wicked observer of human nature, and some of her less-flattering descriptions of people are classics. With the language being relatively formal. you can sort of miss those bits unless you really pay attention. You should give her another try.

And finally - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

[emma675]

Happiest of birthday, HappyFatChick!

[JenCarroll]

Wok Chop, everyone else pretty much gave all the advice I'd have for you, so I want to wish you luck and add the one thing my kids have told me was the Best Advice Ever: Be confident. And if you can't be confident, fake it. No one can tell the difference..

[Happyfatchick]

JenC, I really shouldn't have posted the comment about her age. It's just that...well, the Amish "take on" OLD before they get there, you know? They are very fond of looking older, it's like rings on a tree. Sickness and trials (and looking battle scarred by age) are observed and revered. I knew Aunt Susie as a child, but my first real memories of her I would have been 6-7 years old, and SHE WAS OLD!!!! If you'd asked me then, I swear I would have put her in her 60's, but now I'm guessing she was not 40 at the time. They never look young and spry to me. And the shrinkage!!! Oh my gosh, my aunts were all taller than me at some point - but as they've gotten older, they've gotten so short I have to fight the urge to Pat them on the head!

The Amish have a long standing tradition of feeding the crowd just after a funeral (and generally before the burial). They also have a long standing tradition of eating "together" (men on one side, they go first, women and children on the other). There's ALWAYS ALWAYS a pot of soup on the table, and usually individually wrapped sandwiches. Noodles in a self serve bowl as well.

The thing is, once the funeral is over, the women all head to and make a line outside the port-o-potty (renting them for large gatherings is relatively new, but much appreciated!). The men, however, head out to the barn where they all line up and heed natures call. I'm sorry... I didn't mention the running water options where one might wash their hands after the potty breaks, did i?

My cousins who live here and have broken tradition with the Amish will not TOUCH the soup ladle. They have hard, fast, personal rules about what you eat (and don't eat) at Amish gatherings (funerals included). And every time I go, I get the lectures... Sit HERE, don't look at _____, follow the others when they get up to kneel, don't wear that red thing you are so fond of, and DON'T EAT THE SOUP!!!

And yes, I'm going back into Janeville!

Was almost everybody born from the 11th to the 15th of August?  Ug, one on the 22nd.  My family and friends are all Leos.  Have to deliver a card to my so-called sister's house Thursday the 13th.  Couldn't bring myself to do it earlier and get it in the mail, which would have been easier, but it's like the thought of her burns me.  Also have a call to make to a friend, and took care of my 12th duties on the day.  Funny how things go like that.  Here's hoping Mrs Poison person wont' be home and I can slip in under the mat.  Happy birthday to all the rest of you.

id be curious to see some statistics regarding the most populous month for birthdays. We too, are VERY heavy on August birthdays. In fact, I've SEVERAL relatives with my same birthday, different year.

[amitville]

Happy birthday Happyfatchick!

I'm a leftie! Thanks for the acknowledgement Amitville!

FrenchToast, thanks for your mod post yesterday. It brought tears to this new mamas eyes, as I've been feeling that my body is "wrecked" lately. But the reason for the wreckage is asleep on my chest, and just adorably giggled in her sleep, so it's worth it :-)

i knew i liked you for a reason.  Your body is not a wreck you are more beauitul then pre pregenancy the reason she is sleeping on your chest.

Edited August 13, 2015 by amitville

[Jenniferbug]

Lefties unite! And thank you :-)

[Jellybeans]

I'm not a "leftie" but I respect their ability to live in a world of "righties"!

[Wok Chop]

Happyfatchick, somehow I missed that you have a birthday today. Had I known, I'd have piled the lot of us into the PTV Stink Bus and headed down to wish you a proper happy birthday. Instead, I will just have to send an autographed picture of my family that includes a fire-and-brimstone bible verse (did you know that I have TWO kids, and I birthed every one of them?!).  Anyway, happy birthday, funny lady! I also send my condolences on the loss of your aunt.

 

Suz at Large and JenCarroll, thanks for chiming in! It is so nice to have the support of all the wonderful posters here. Suz, I think your problem was that you channeled me and got hit with my clumsiness. I think it's great that you made multiple attempts to write to me. I feel special to know that I was worth all the effort. :P

[Wok Chop]

Thanks Happy & others for all your advice. My husband is adamant about the wearing a tie thing. My son doesn't have the voice/slouch thing going on but he is a very fast talker so i'll have him slow it down. My son is looking for a job in the architectural field. He got a job last year at a small firm but was let go because of lack of work. He was lucky & was hired at that interview. At least he can add a years worth of architectural experience as well as his Master's degree to his resume. He was able to finish school while working last year. He has interview in 2 weeks at a larger firm. He was told its a long interview, he's scheduled for 2 hours cuz the president lady likes to go in detail about things & does a grand tour of office. Besides his portfolio, he was told to bring any "hobby" drawings, sketches, etc. he may work on, the prez lady likes that. His hobby is playing an on line Star Wars game but he said he'll bring something. He also volunteered for Habitat for humanity so I'll have him bring that up. He has learned about turning questions around - "I don't know much about that program but have extensive knowledge of this one." Luckily the firm's website tells history of firm & the schools the employees went to (not SOTDRT) so he can read up on that, another thing my husband is adamant about. My son is an easy going guy, nothing seems to bother him unlike his mother who worries about everything. So I'll be a nutcase by the time interview comes around.

I have used "a personal problem" instead of saying health problem as an answer to an interview question regarding why I left a previous job. I assured them problem was resolved (it was) & I ended up getting job.

I can't imagine trying to interview Jim Bob, MEchelle or any of the kids. Boob would just be gloating about producing 19 kids & the kids wouldn't be able to put a decent sentence together. MEchelle would just stare out in space & be wearing her not business-like outfit - Jean skirt, lime green blouse, dark hose & clodhopper shoes.

 

Barb, I'm nervous for you! I hope the interview goes well for your son, and I hope you will keep us posted. 

[GeeGolly]

My condolences, as well as birthday wishes for you HappyFC!! 

[Wellfleet]

Happy Birthday, HappyFatChick! I will be raising a glass of Jack Daniel's Honey Whiskey to you. Tonight, though. I have to drive today and help my mom figure out her schedule online at WalMart and I need to be sober to do that.

 

My sentiments as well, Happy. Here's wishing you a great day - may all your wishes come true. And I'll steal a line going back almost 50 years - yikes!!! - from Lily Tomlin's little girl character, Edith Ann - 'Since Papa was laid off, he says Jack Daniels is his only friend..." Jack's Honey Whiskey is one of my favorites

[Westiepeach]

Was almost everybody born from the 11th to the 15th of August?  Ug, one on the 22nd.  My family and friends are all Leos.  Have to deliver a card to my so-called sister's house Thursday the 13th.  Couldn't bring myself to do it earlier and get it in the mail, which would have been easier, but it's like the thought of her burns me.  Also have a call to make to a friend, and took care of my 12th duties on the day.  Funny how things go like that.  Here's hoping Mrs Poison person wont' be home and I can slip in under the mat.  Happy birthday to all the rest of you.

Close! My birthday is August 9 so I just missed the "11th to the 15th of August" cut-off date LOL!

Very sorry to hear about your aunt. But I get it -- when my great uncle Jack died at, literally, 107 years of age, it was hard to get really distraught about it. I'm also a fan of inappropriate humor, and I'd love to tell the story of Aunt Min's Funeral, but you really have to hear it -- it's the NY-Jewish-Old people voices that take it from funny to completely hysterical. And every word of it is true. Sigh. Limitations of message boards.

My husband hated Jane Austen when forced to read her work in high school, but one vacation I started reading little bits out loud and he was really surprised. She was a wicked observer of human nature, and some of her less-flattering descriptions of people are classics. With the language being relatively formal. you can sort of miss those bits unless you really pay attention. You should give her another try.

And finally - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

First of all, HFC, very sorry about your aunt.

 

But this reminded me of my grandmother's wake. She passed away one month shy of her 100th birthday. My cousin and I walked up to Grandma's casket. Cousin looked at Grandma and then looked at me. "She looks so old!"

 

???

[GeeGolly]

Happy belated Westiepeach!

And just so y'all can plan, my birthday is in January. Should I register at Tiffany's? (that way I won't mess up our ads)

[Love2dance]

Happy birthday to all the Small Talk August birthday posters! (I was July...missed it too.).

[Happyfatchick]

I registered, and I got nothin. I didn't even get the fake cake from Dillard's! But... The weekend is young and the partay has STARTED. (This is what happens when you have a Thursday Birthday. Who DOES THAT???). So tonight is low key, just Chilis. Tomorrow night, a back porch party with my peeps. (Love my peeps). Saturday we're taking the new man-toy (a Jeep) downtown to Atlanta and hope to find someplace fun to eat and party some more. I've been working my rear off for 3 straight weeks without coming up for air - several all-nighters along the way. Not one day off, including a flight to LA and back in one day AFTER working all night. I'm 'bout dead! I'm ready for some DOWN TIME with the peeps.

I had a good day, y'all. Heard from all my family, people in and out all day, got paid for a big job, the sitter brought Mama over for lunch. My next big project called, and when I told him it was my bday, he told me to forget his job until MONDAY. I still have to work tomorrow and some over the weekend, but that's tomorrow (and tomorrow is another day, said Scarlett). (Woohoo!!!). Let the down time begin!!!

[ChiCricket]

¡Felíz Cumpleaños,HFC!

(I thought I'd be different and say it in Spanish, for no reason whatsoever) :)

Edited August 13, 2015 by ChiCricket

[Readalot]

Why is "f you" and "don't be a dick" etc supposed to be bad to the person you are saying it to? I mean, it has to do with procreation and it's what makes the world go around, right? And sex is pleasurable so shouldn't it be a compliment or a positive thing?

HFC what a fun birthday celebration!

[Love2dance]

READALOT, I have always wondered the same thing.

[kokapetl]

Why is "f you" and "don't be a dick" etc supposed to be bad to the person you are saying it to? I mean, it has to do with procreation and it's what makes the world go around, right? And sex is pleasurable so shouldn't it be a compliment or a positive thing?

HFC what a fun birthday celebration!

Fuck has more definitions/uses than most words, but they're all vulgar. I think the term "fuck you" implies "I hope you are unpleasantly sodomized".

[Happyfatchick]

I try not to swear, and I try not to "see" the words either, but alas: my mom was raised by a share cropper in South Georgia and the potty mouth continues. She was a sneaky swearer when all my sibs were in the house - since she's gone into dementia and now full blown Alzheimer's, whatever rolls through comes right on out. There is no filter. My oldest brother said once, "I can't BELIEVE the things she says! I didn't know she KNEW those words!!!" Oh, yes, she dioes, and uses them in context.

But what I really wanted to say is I had a boss once who ultimately became my husband's best friend. He died from pancreatic cancer a few years ago. He was 6'4, with huge forearms - just a BIG man with a deep rumbling voice to match. He could deliver that line, Koka, with more disgust and depth - I'm pretty sure he was aiming at ungracious sodomy. He certainly wasn't asking to hold hands and skip through the daisies.

[kalamac]

Fuck is one of the best words ever. From a linguistic standpoint, it is one of the few words where it, or its derivatives can be used in almost any spot, in any sentence and still have the sentence make perfect sense. Fucking brilliant.

[GeeGolly]

I, too, have a potty mouth. To me swears are exclamation points in the beginning and/or middle of a sentence. I very rarely use swears as darts toward someone though. Words can be really hurtful. With that said, I have on more than one occasion, had a very colorful verbal argument.

[emma675]

I have a potty mouth as well (though i don't say the f word or the "see you next Tuesday" word, although I'm not sure why I restrain myself on those two). "Son of a bitch" and "dammit" gets used around my house a lot. Sometimes it just makes you feel better to swear a little.

[Wellfleet]

Why is "f you" and "don't be a dick" etc supposed to be bad to the person you are saying it to? I mean, it has to do with procreation and it's what makes the world go around, right? And sex is pleasurable so shouldn't it be a compliment or a positive thing?

HFC what a fun birthday celebration!

 

Ha ha! And so true. You realize you're doing Lenny Bruce's act here, right? :>) 

[Julia]

Why is "f you" and "don't be a dick" etc supposed to be bad to the person you are saying it to? I mean, it has to do with procreation and it's what makes the world go around, right? And sex is pleasurable so shouldn't it be a compliment or a positive thing?

 

I think it's bizarre that several of the most popular sexually-oriented insults essentially mean "person who is contemptible because they perform fellatio," when every survey says that an overwhelming majority of heterosexual men really, really want to be in a relationship with that person.

[Micks Picks]

Come on, fellatio has nothing to do with how we use that word, that wonderful noun, verb, adjective, adverb. 

 

What is "see you next Tuesday"?  I guess I am missing some swear word not from around here and I hate to miss out on things.  Do tell.

 

My English came through at work all the time here in America with the use of the work "bloody".  Or blasted. 

 

I have an adjustable bed and lost the remote.  It's in full sitting position. I don't have a couch.  I hate it how things hide themselves from me, on purpose.  It deserves a thorough tongue lashing if it's found, and worse it I have to go buy a new one.

Edited August 15, 2015 by Micks Picks

[Wellfleet]

Fuck has more definitions/uses than most words, but they're all vulgar. I think the term "fuck you" implies "I hope you are unpleasantly sodomized".

 

For those who may not know, the legendary "F word" began life in the pages of police reports from the late 1800s. When a woman was raped, the term used in the reporting was FORCED UNLAWFUL CARNAL KNOWLEDGE which obviously became reduced to its acronym very quickly. And there you have it - trivia for today.

Edited August 15, 2015 by Wellfleet

[kalamac]

Come on, fellatio has nothing to do with how we use that word, that wonderful noun, verb, adjective, adverb. 

 

What is "see you next Tuesday"?  I guess I am missing some swear word not from around here and I hate to miss out on things.  Do tell.

 

My English came through at work all the time here in America with the use of the work "bloody".  Or blasted. 

 

I have an adjustable bed and lost the remote.  It's in full sitting position. I don't have a couch.  I hate it how things hide themselves from me, on purpose.  It deserves a thorough tongue lashing if it's found, and worse it I have to go buy a new one.

See you next Tuesday is supposed to stand for C***, because of the way text speak writes see and you as C & U, but it annoys the crap out of me, because the abbreviation of that would actually be synt, which means nothing.

For those who may not know, the legendary "F word" began life in the pages of police reports from the late 1800s. When a woman was raped, the term used in the reporting was FORCED UNLAWFUL CARNAL KNOWLEDGE which obviously became reduced to its acronym FUCK very quickly. And there you have it - trivia for today.

Snopes has actually debunked that. The word fuck has been around since the 15th century. http://www.snopes.com/language/acronyms/fuck.asp

[kathe5133]

And wouldn't JB and Michelle be proud to know that here we all are, early on a Saturday morning, on a thread dedicated to the holy Duggars, debating and discussing the origins of the words fuck and c***. I love it!

Edited August 15, 2015 by kathe5133

[kokapetl]

See you next Tuesday is supposed to stand for C***, because of the way text speak writes see and you as C & U, but it annoys the crap out of me, because the abbreviation of that would actually be synt, which means nothing.

Snopes has actually debunked that. The word fuck has been around since the 15th century. http://www.snopes.com/language/acronyms/fuck.asp

Fuck is a real word with Germanic origins. From wiktionary:

Unknown, but probably from Middle English *fucken, *fukken, of North Germanic origin, related to dialectal Norwegian fukka ‎(“to copulate; fuck”), Swedish fokka (earlier "to fuck; thrust; push", nowadays focka ‎(“to fire from work”)), Swedish fock ‎(“penis”), and Middle Dutch (and Modern Dutch) fokken ‎(“to breed”).

This exchange between JFK and the Dutch Prime Minister may or may not have really happened. Fok means breed, and paardan mean something like horse.

Kennedy: So, what are your hobbies?

Luns: Well. Jack, I fok horses!

K: Pardon?

L: Yes Paardan! You come ride my horse.

K: Uhhh... I have a bad back, I can't get down off a horse easily.

L: Its okay! I help you Jack off the horse after we finish. I help you get off.

Edited August 15, 2015 by Kokapetl

[Jynnan tonnix]

I know we have many people here who have dealt with dementia in family members, and also have people who are connected with medical fields...just looking for some input.

 

My mother-in-law is staying with us for a couple of weeks currently after her husband passed away a month or so ago. We have been noticing over the last couple of years that her short-term memory is really getting worse. She's perfectly lucid in normal conversation and can follow even fairly complicated things as they are presented (she does a lot of math puzzles and reads a lot of espionage-type novels, so there's no problem there). But when it comes to remembering what she was told about something, she not only asks multiple times for the details, but doesn't even appear to  recall that she already asked.

 

We noticed around the time of my husband's retirement in March, when she came to the ceremony but had to leave her husband at home as he couldn't travel, that she seemed very lost outside of her home environment, but put some of it down to the stress of worrying about whether he was OK, etc. Same with the week we stayed with her after he passed away (understandable, again, with all the stress during that time). This was one of the reasons we wanted to have her stay with us for a little bit longer, to get an idea of her reactions and thought processes once she was in a lower-stress environment.

 

For example, we have planned a few things to do with her while she is here, day trips and such. And while she mostly remembers that these things are planned, she keeps asking, sometimes as much as a few times in an hour, what time we are going, or what the itinerary is. And it's not that she's saying, "Oh, I forgot what you told me", but seems to be asking as though getting the information for the first time.

 

Now that she is living alone, and is adamant that she does not want to move in with any of us (my husband is one of seven siblings), we worry about her keeping track of things. She does keep a lot of notes, which helps, but even with those, at home, we have noticed that she goes back to recheck those constantly and seems somewhat confused, sometimes within minutes, about whether she has taken care of whatever she was doing.

 

My husband thinks we should get in touch with her doctor and let her know our concerns, but I wonder whether we should also bring up our concerns to her directly, which he seems reluctant to do. I'm not sure what the right answer is. She will be staying here for another 9 or 10 days and we are trying to get a better idea of just where she is experiencing most of her problems, but not sure what the next step should be.

 

Any input would be appreciated. Thanks.

[kokapetl]

Nothing seems to suggest your mother in law will react badly to the suggestion of a visit to the doctor for memory problems. I say have your husband ask her to see the doctor, and for him to be able to go with her. I'm not sure if it's really something that he can address any other way. I haven't been in a similar situation though.

Edited August 15, 2015 by Kokapetl

[Absolom]

I've been there done that multiple times now.  The first round was with a grandparent.  Then my parents divorced and remarried and so far three out of four have had dementia.  Yay, me.  Very few early stage dementia patients want to acknowledge it.  I'd recommend calling her physician and arranging an appointment that one or more of her children can attend and take written notes and if possible have the doctor document it in writing.  It's too difficult to begin with mom your memory seems to be failing. 

[NewDigs]

Would it be appropriate to suggest, Mom, it seems like you haven't been your same old self since Dad died?

I'm picturing trying to get my mom to a doctor's appt. that she did not make.

Sorry for everyone's troubles. So difficult. To not only be the parent now but to also deal with such big troubling issues.

Edited August 15, 2015 by NewDigs

[zoomama]

hi everyone, i have been locked out for a bit on this account, but i am back. i have not read back on this particular thread so just saying hi and sending good wishes to you all.

[GeeGolly]

I know we have many people here who have dealt with dementia in family members, and also have people who are connected with medical fields...just looking for some input.

 

My mother-in-law is staying with us for a couple of weeks currently after her husband passed away a month or so ago. We have been noticing over the last couple of years that her short-term memory is really getting worse. She's perfectly lucid in normal conversation and can follow even fairly complicated things as they are presented (she does a lot of math puzzles and reads a lot of espionage-type novels, so there's no problem there). But when it comes to remembering what she was told about something, she not only asks multiple times for the details, but doesn't even appear to  recall that she already asked.

 

We noticed around the time of my husband's retirement in March, when she came to the ceremony but had to leave her husband at home as he couldn't travel, that she seemed very lost outside of her home environment, but put some of it down to the stress of worrying about whether he was OK, etc. Same with the week we stayed with her after he passed away (understandable, again, with all the stress during that time). This was one of the reasons we wanted to have her stay with us for a little bit longer, to get an idea of her reactions and thought processes once she was in a lower-stress environment.

 

For example, we have planned a few things to do with her while she is here, day trips and such. And while she mostly remembers that these things are planned, she keeps asking, sometimes as much as a few times in an hour, what time we are going, or what the itinerary is. And it's not that she's saying, "Oh, I forgot what you told me", but seems to be asking as though getting the information for the first time.

 

Now that she is living alone, and is adamant that she does not want to move in with any of us (my husband is one of seven siblings), we worry about her keeping track of things. She does keep a lot of notes, which helps, but even with those, at home, we have noticed that she goes back to recheck those constantly and seems somewhat confused, sometimes within minutes, about whether she has taken care of whatever she was doing.

 

My husband thinks we should get in touch with her doctor and let her know our concerns, but I wonder whether we should also bring up our concerns to her directly, which he seems reluctant to do. I'm not sure what the right answer is. She will be staying here for another 9 or 10 days and we are trying to get a better idea of just where she is experiencing most of her problems, but not sure what the next step should be.

 

Any input would be appreciated. Thanks.

My mom passed away from Alzheimer's. Her early signs were having 'senior moments' as in forgetting where she was driving to, as well as having moments of being unfamiliar with a very familiar environment.

One of the first assessments was having a nurse visit her in her home. The nurse asked her various questions regarding both long term and short term memory, including when and where she was born, how many siblings she has, years married, number of children, phone number, etc. Also mini 'tests' like "I'm going to name four items and I will ask you to repeat them back to me". The nurse asked the answers to the memory tests throughout the assessment.

My dad and I were with her during the test. She got some wrong, some right, and actually got a few right at one time and wrong at another. The nurse was there for about 45 minutes. There aren't any definitive tests to differentiate between aging memory, dementia and Alzheimer's. It is when memories issues progress that they will offer a diagnosis.

My mom was fine for the most part for many years after her initial assessment. The first restrictions we had to impose were not letting her drive, and eventually not letting her cook, and for the few years before she died, not leaving her alone.

We were lucky in that she never forgot who any of us were.

 

Good luck Jyn & Mr Jyn

[Muffyn]

This brings to mind a story about my Great Aunt Stella.  She passed away more than ten years ago, but she was one of those people who was her funniest when she wasn’t trying.  Her doctor sent her to a clinic to do a series of memory tests since she had complained that she kept forgetting things.  The tester’s third language was English, so she was not as likely to catch some answers that might be similar to the correct answer.  After doing a series of short term and long term memory tests (remembering a series of words, identifying people in photos, recounting parts of her history), she was shown a series of (not particularly accurate) drawings of common items and animals.  One was a drawing of an octopus.  Stella called it a “squib”.  She said she knew the word wasn’t right but she couldn’t come up with the right word.  The tester wasn’t familiar with the word squid, so she was only expecting octopus which is clearly far from squib.  She looked up squib, a small firecracker or a brief, satirical witty writing, and marked Stella’s answer down as a major error.  When I saw Stella at the end of the test, she told me about this answer.  I pointed out she was probably thinking of squid.  She said of course she was; she was hungry and we were going to lunch.  She wanted to go to the little Italian bistro with the fried calamari.  She then started speculating about every other answer she had given.  Were the chopsticks actually pencils?  Did she misremember the items she was asked to remember and start listing the menu items instead?  When her doctor reviewed the results with her Stella told her about the food theory.  She said, “I was hungry.  I wanted that squid fried up and served with a dipping sauce.  Ask me again after I eat.”

[Happyfatchick]

See you next Tuesday is supposed to stand for C***, because of the way text speak writes see and you as C & U, but it annoys the crap out of me, because the abbreviation of that would actually be synt, which means nothing.

Snopes has actually debunked that. The word fuck has been around since the 15th century. http://www.snopes.com/language/acronyms/fuck.asp

This particular word has become my EXTREME frustration word over the last several years. Once completely taboo, it is a warm fuzzy friend to me now. All my peeps and family members know when I break that one out, they need to back up. Things are about to fly. The S word is my all time go-to favorite. I'm embarrassed to admit even that I swear, so the disclaimer is that I never swear in "public", and never in front of my grands. I have my self imposed limits. I was quite happy with Wellfleets explanation, you big snopes bully! (jk!)

I know we have many people here who have dealt with dementia in family members, and also have people who are connected with medical fields...just looking for some input.

My mother-in-law is staying with us for a couple of weeks currently after her husband passed away a month or so ago. We have been noticing over the last couple of years that her short-term memory is really getting worse. She's perfectly lucid in normal conversation and can follow even fairly complicated things as they are presented (she does a lot of math puzzles and reads a lot of espionage-type novels, so there's no problem there). But when it comes to remembering what she was told about something, she not only asks multiple times for the details, but doesn't even appear to recall that she already asked.

My husband thinks we should get in touch with her doctor and let her know our concerns, but I wonder whether we should also bring up our concerns to her directly, which he seems reluctant to do. I'm not sure what the right answer is. She will be staying here for another 9 or 10 days and we are trying to get a better idea of just where she is experiencing most of her problems, but not sure what the next step should be.

oooooooh, Jyn, you need a long hug (and a prescription for Xanax). You're about to be in the middle of a nightmare. It's scary, it's heartbreaking and it's one of the worst things a family can face. I am so sorry.

Your husband is right. Get her to the doctor as fast as you can conceivably do so. She needs to be on Aracept immediately. Aracept, or a similar drug. Aracept affects people differently, but she needs something right now that will slow the progression. (Won't stop it, but will steady the progression). Right now, she sounds like age related dementia, but it will become full blown Alzheimer's over time. My family has been on this slow train for 14 years. Alzheimer's generally progresses faster than that - my mom was dementia only for about 11 years. There really IS a difference. Unfortunately, the end result is about the same, dementia just takes longer. My mom was in amazing shape going in - incredibly active. Which adds to the slow progression rate. So many, many of the things you mentioned broke my heart. Been there, done that. My mom also takes Namenda twice a day now, and Seroquel (an anti psychotic). Also,unfortunately, as she's now reached what we believe to be the beginning of the end stages, we have a prescription for Adivan (better known as Lorazipram I think, we do the generic) that we have to use on the rare occasions she has a really whacked out day).

Run, don't walk, to the doctor. Be gentle with her (I SOOOOO remember that first appointment - she wouldn't speak to me for DAYS afterward, and NEVER to this day has admitted the doctor said she had dementia). The doctor will have a series of questions for her, and some silly seeming tests. He will be able to establish a baseline. This will tell you a) if drugs are working and b) how fast is the progression. Neurologists are not fun people, I'll tell you that ahead of time. They aren't trained in dropping bombs gently. They just let it fly. And sometimes they look at you like YOU are the crazy one. The last time I took her, he went through his little test battery and said to me (as if my mother wasn't sitting there - and truthfully, she WASN'T; Elvis left that building many years ago!) "she's done. There's nothing more I can offer this patient. When you need more drugs, you call the office, they will take care of you. My don't need to see her any more". I was astonished. But she's SITTING HERE!!!! She's MOBILE!!! She can follow directions!!! Can't we do ANYTHING??? (That's when I got THE LOOK. HE SAYS (with no patience) "Alzheimer's is an age related disease. And the fact is, your mother today is one day OLDER than she was yesterday. You need to stop fighting for this patients well being and begin to concentrate on your own sanity at this point". (See, I told you he's a dick). This was the same appointment he prescribed the Seroquel for psychosis. I asked about the dosage on the Seroquel. He says, "you cannot over medicate your mother at this point. You need prescriptions, you call. We get them ready".

To get that first appointment under your belt, tell the MIL that you are concerned about her short term memory - that in order to allow her to live alone, she has to go see a doctor to make sure she's healthy enough to do that. It's a tough conversation, but tell her (or maybe your husband tells her) that for HIS peace of mind, he wants to have her checked out fully before agreeing to let her live without a companion. Tiptoe, but do it anyway. Eventually, when you get past that speed bump, she will be more compliant about the doctor. My mom would go to the doctor every day of the week. Ms one part of her loves the attention. I'll be happy to talk to you PM style, so we don't bore everyone else to death. It is BRUTAL. And I'll say this: Alzheimer's and dementia are NOT tests for the person afflicted. They are all about the family and what you do with it. My family has been all about the rally, so I'm lucky that way. But beware: at first, everyone isn't going to agree about anything. That gets better, generally. And the worst part - usually there's ONE person who steps up the the plate and sacrifices their life for the life of that patient. The martyr. While everyone else trips happily along the path of life. It sucks. To be that martyr. And it takes some big kahoonas to get OUT of the martyr seat. We have finally settled into a fabulous routine (we have a live-in sitter who only calls in emergencies - so the rest of us are fulfilling our life obligations and seeing mom every day). I meant to mention that she turned from dementia to Alzheimer's when my father passed. Sometimes (probably LOTS of times), the turning point is a major life event. So sorry for you to have to deal with all this. It's going to be harder than you think. (That's encouraging, isn't it?)

Absolom: I can't even!!! Dear sweet Baby Jesus. You have my deepest hugs, pats on the back, and a zoom lens full of zen and encouragement. What a nightmare!!!

Lastly: WELCOME BACK ZOOMAMA!!!

Edited August 15, 2015 by Happyfatchick

[Happyfatchick]

Listen, y'all, there are some HILARIOUS moments with dementia or Alzheimer's. Just... Hysterical. Sometimes we have to get out of the room and laugh until we cry. Priceless. And then we always feel like we have to apologize because other people don't understand and think we're borderline abusive. I personally think God sprinkles in those outrageous moments so that we (the caregivers) get a little light in our day. I could (and probably SHOULD) write a book on the funniest moments.

One day, she was eating lunch (my mom used to INSIST on chick-fil-a EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. for lunch, back in her thinking days. She doesn't insist on much of anything these days, and I miss that. That was our daily trip for many many years, to CFA to pick up lunch. My Daddy did it every day of his life (for her) for 10 years, no kidding. (Except Sunday, when they're not open). So she's eating, and she only eats half a sandwich. Says, "I don't want any more of that". She puts it in the foil wrapper, folds it down carefully. She says, "I need a pen". She prints her name on the wrapper, pushes it back. Sits there for about 3 minutes, just relaxing at the table. Suddenly, she says "what's THAT???" She pulls that little package over, looks inside and exclaims, "Someone left part of a sandwich!! I'm eating that!!!" And down it went.

[GeeGolly]

Humor is the best in tough situations for sure. After my mom was diagnosed and before the disease had progressed a lot, we were packing up their home for their move. Mom and I were moving a couch and we came across a pile of marbles (the stuff you find w/20 grand and great-grand kids) on the floor. I exclaimed "Look Mom, a cure!" We laughed until we almost peed.

[CalicoKitty]

I'm going through the same situation with my mother.  She is on the max dose of meds, but she is getting more and more forgetful.  She broke her hip last month, but she is doing very well with that (GREAT surgeon).  She is more repetitive every time I see her.  And forgetful.  She will tell me how much pain she is in, and 5 minutes later tells my brother that she is just great--no pain.  My 91-year-old father, who is all there mentally, has aphasia and has a great deal of trouble speaking.  He is so great at looking after her, but he needs to be reminded to go play golf or do something else just for him.  I drive the hour trip several times a week so he can have a break.  I just don't know how long they will be able to live in their home.  I know this will be a long, hard road (why is my computer suddenly writing in italics??)

[Absolom]

Many great suggestions here on getting mom in to the doctor.  You can begin with the family doctor and not all patients will need a neurologist, thankfully.  It's one of the least personable disciplines.  However, I need to be a little pedantic and make the reminder that Alzheimer's IS a form of dementia.  Normal age related memory issues don't "turn into" Alzheimer's.  It's just that the patient progresses to the next level of Alzheimer's where it can be diagnosed.  I've heard the talk before about medicating the patient for my own sanity.  I've only done it a couple of times, but some days it's necessary.  I've even been on the side of explaining to a hospital of all places, he has dementia, there is nothing you can do for him so you need to release him rather than continuing to torture him with tests.  The response was he's so confused.  Mine was and there is still nothing you can do for it because it's from his dementia. 

[Absolom]

Thank you, HFC.  Did I mention I'm an only child?  I'm so thankful step-mom has two sons who will take care of her.  At least one of them will step up.  With luck she won't develop dementia either.

Edited August 16, 2015 by Absolom

[NewDigs]

Reading this really great conversation has reminded me that my 91 yr. old mom's GP has done that card memory test.

But like so many things, not all docs are singing from the same page. Or always take the time. Or have the time? So hard.

Luckily mom has lesser issues. But I remember, now, how she was pretty proud of how well she had done.

When she described the test I wondered how well I would do!

Thanks everyone for sharing

[Happyfatchick]

OH! I forgot!!! (For those of us dealing with memory loss of any kind with parents):

I did my own test. I wrote a list of questions (and got this idea straight out of STILL ALICE, so can't take any credit for it). I wrote them in a book. Every 6 weeks I would ask my mother that same list of questions. She WAS a bit of a moving target, sometimes she could answer questions that she had stumbled over the month before. But it gave ME an idea where she was, regardless of whether the doctor checked or not. One thing that my cousin (the daughter to my mother's sister, who died with Alzheimer's) told me to do was have my mother do the "clock" test. You draw a circle, and have them put a clock face on showing a quarter to 10. My mom, who is OBSESSED with numbers her whole life (she's counted dinner plates and forks as she unloaded them from the dishwasher as long as I can remember) did very well with the clock test. (Always a sigh of relief for some reason when she gets the clock test right). She would get a bit worse, and plateau. Get a bit worse, and plateau. The last 6 months, however, there's been no plateau. She is declining rapidly; I'm thinking I'll be surprised if she sees Christmas. She turns 86 in February.

[and HERES A PET PEEVE OF MINE FOR THE GOVERNMENT: she STILL has to file a tax return every year. She's almost EIGHTY SIX and has type 1 diabetes, and Alzheimer's. Give me a BREAK already!!!!! Sooooooooo dumb!!!!! I mean, I "get" it, that there are 90 year old US citizens who still have to PAY taxes at that age. My mom on a fixed income is NOT one of them!!!]

I ask her for her address.

I ask her to name her children.

I ask her to name her grandchildren.

I ask her my father's middle name.

I ask her birthday.

I ask her phone number.

Three years ago, when my Daddy died, she could give her complete address if you gave her the first number. That's gone. She can only name her 3 children if you give her prompts. The boys no longer have middle names. I do - I guess she said mine more often than theirs!! The grandchildren are gone - in fact she looked at my sone son the other day, and after I told her who he was, I said, "is that Wade?" She studied him a minute, and said, "Nope, that's not Wade". (They live next door - they've met). My father has no middle name. She can do her birthdate if she gets a running start. Same with her phone number. (Numbers, she retains). I have their social security numbers, have been the keeper of that for insurance purposes for a long time. I only "know" without looking the first 3 digits. I can say to her, "Mama, tell me daddy's social". Blank stare. If I say, "254..." She takes off like a shot and spits the whole thing out. Amazing.

[HundFan]

Don't know about the Anglo-Saxon origins of "fuck," but I speak Swedish and the verb "to fuck" is "knulla," while the noun "fuck" is translated as "fan." I know this because I routinely read Swedish "Nordic Noir" novels in my Swedish class and the books are rife with refs to genitals and sexual acts, including criminal ones that often result in dismemberment and death (think Girl With The Dragon Tatoo, etc.). After reading the text aloud in Swedish, we then translate aloud in English.  I'm no prude, but I admit some of the passages are challenging to translate without blushing. So I have resorted to English euphemisms, such as "He grasped her cash and prizes, then they danced horizontally all night long." This both amuses and baffles my instructor, who cannot understand why Americans are so uptight (which I'm not in America, but clearly am in Sweden).

Edited August 16, 2015 by HundFan

[HundFan]

OMG. I just realized that anyone who read my last post is now probably thinking my board name is "Hund Fuck," which is just NOT the case! "Hund" is Swedish for dog (I have two big blonde ones) and I combined it with the English word "fan," which means ... you know, fan. As in DogFan, which I am. As opposed to someone who wants their call name to evoke bestiality. The sad part is that I haven't even been drinking tonight. We're all out of Baileys Irish Cream.

Edited August 16, 2015 by HundFan

[Love2dance]

HUNDFAN, OMG, thank you for starting my morning off with such a huge laugh!!

HAPPYFATCHICK, I also look forward to reading your posts, whether lighthearted or serious. You SHOULD write a book, many books.

Edited August 16, 2015 by Love2dance