S03.E10: Moving On Up And Partying On Down

[suev3333]

11 hours ago, suzeecat said:

really don't understand Tammy's complaining that no one lets her talk.  All she says is "None of your business", "I don't feel like it", "I don't know", "leave me alone", etc.  She never really SAYS anything!

THIS!

[drinavictoria]

6 hours ago, silversage said:

Besides Amy telling Tammy about the extra bedroom she also mentioned the short step to get into the house. Might as well roll out the red carpet!

If Tammy somehow survives her current predicament, she's 100% moving in.

Edited January 19, 2022 by drinavictoria

[auntjess]

40 minutes ago, Ria said:

I think it’s pretty difficult to get an adult declared a ward of the state. People have to jump through lots of hoops to get guardians appointed for elderly people with severe cognitive decline. I’m not so sure the family can just wash their hands of Tammy and think the state will step in and take over.

As siblings, I don't see that you'd have any legal obligation for a mentally competent adult sibling, and I don't think they need to feed any moral obligation for such a nasty person.
 

[nokat]

1 hour ago, Ria said:

I think it’s pretty difficult to get an adult declared a ward of the state. People have to jump through lots of hoops to get guardians appointed for elderly people with severe cognitive decline. I’m not so sure the family can just wash their hands of Tammy and think the state will step in and take over. Maybe if the family stops enabling her she will agree to go back to a rehab or medical facility when she finds herself on her own. 

Yes, the family is burdened with her. She isn't in cognitive decline, she's just eating herself to death. If you're an adult with cognitive abilities, nothing but family can help.

[TwirlyGirly]

People often think "enabling" addicts is confined to getting them their drug of choice. But "enabling" is so much more than that.

Along with the addiction to a substance, addicts also have an "addictive personality", which encompasses manipulation, lying, and placing blame for their own failings on others, etc.

All of Tammy's family members are enablers.

When Tammy initially threw a fit over the motorized wheelchair, her argument was using it is hard and the only reason they'd gotten it was so they didn't have to push her. That really was part of their reasoning, but it was also because it would give Tammy independence.

Tammy seemed to believe being pushed around in a manual wheelchair was a better way, and that she's entitled to be pushed around by her family.

At that point the family should have said "Your choices are to use the motorized wheelchair, or stay in bed all day, because we're not going to be pushing you around any more".

I was really floored at the discussion in the cabin: as to what they should do about Tammy, with Amy moving away, and one of them said: "With you moving what are we going to do about the Tammy situation?".   

And then in TH with two of Amy's sisters: "We're gonna have to figure something out. I know that".

No. you. don't.

Tammy is a 35 year old woman, and she is perfectly capable of "Figur[ing] something out".

Perhaps give her a few numbers to call to get her started, but that's it. 

All Amy has to do is tell Tammy the day they'll be moving, and that she would have to line up people to help her. And then each of her siblings tell her they will no longer be able to help her after Amy's move.

What's Tammy going to do when she's told in a couple of months she won't be able to manipulate any of her siblings to do things for her?.

Probably throw a loud, exploitive, crude, fit. And as soon as the discussion turns that way, the person Tammy is attacking needs to bow out of the conversation immediately.

Any conversations after that must start with Tammy, and must include an honest apology.

There is no reason why Tammy's siblings are the ones who have to formulate a plan. Tammy knows how to make calls on her phone. She can do this, and it's Tammy's sole responsibility to do it. 

Tammy will never take responsibility for herself because she's passed off everything onto her siblings. 

Edited January 19, 2022 by TwirlyGirly
Realized I wrote "Tammy" when I should have written "Amy".

[swankie]

22 hours ago, magemaud said:

A bit off topic since I don’t watch that often: has it ever been explained why Chris’s wife, Brittany, always wears a wide headband and her hair in a little ponytail? 

Alopecia maybe?  

[Kid]

8 hours ago, auntjess said:

She may feel that's all she has, and she may be right.

 

That IS all she has because she has put herself there and it’s all she wants to have.  Despite 3 years now of being given the tools to change.

She says what else has she to do?  Read a book. Get a job. Everyone is working from home these days. She’s computer savvy she spends billions of hours on YouTube and TikTok and who knows what else.  Go to therapy which is being paid for by the show, presumably. There are plenty of things she could be doing other than vaping, drinking, and eating. 

She thinks all those men are circling around her like she’s a planet because of her sparkling personality and stunning good looks.  They are users. And considering that she is also a user, one would think she would recognize one.

Edited January 19, 2022 by Kid

[kassa]

10 hours ago, auntjess said:

She may feel that's all she has, and she may be right.

 

I think you (and she) are right.  I think of my cousin who fought a hard fight to get his blood sugar and cholesterol under control. Really revamped his lifestyle. Then he found out he had an inoperable brain tumor that should have already killed him and could at any second.  It was time to smoke and have Chinese food again, though he ruefully said it was a tightrope act to balance the Chinese food against the heart failure. Not a single person would begrudge him smoking and eating junk when he was literally under an immediate death sentence. 

Conceivably Tammy could reverse her own death sentence. But if she truly doesn't feel she has the strength to do it, or fears she will struggle and be miserable for months only to die in her sleep ANYway, having been miserable the last few months she had, or hell, just wants it over faster rather than slower... is it wrong to let her do as she pleases?

That doesn't mean not drawing boundaries about catering to her whims or letting her know that being bedridden will bring an end to the party and consequences will follow. But as an adult with autonomy, she should be able to grab whatever happiness remains for her, and if she's set on that happiness coming from junk food and booze, I'm not sure it's in her interest to begrudge her.

I have a lot less patience with Amy, who needs to get a grip for her baby.

 

[queenbee24]

I've been thinking on the Tammy issue (and continue to find it sad that the siblings have to sit around and say "what are we going to do about Tammy" because they know TamTam won't do jack crap for herself). I don't think any of them are legally obligated to do anything for her. Morally is a different story but she's not considered incompetent so when she returns home, Ms. I Can Take Care Of Myself should do just that. Stop answering her calls, don't bring her food, let her 'take care of herself.' I don't know what the other options really are at this point. She's abusive to everyone she isnt' paying to hang out with her. It's not fair for the siblings to continue to be abused by someone who won't help themself. 

I know Amy isn't perfect by a long shot but she deserves to live a life of her own without a 640 pound (I suspect more like 700 now) weight around her neck. Gage deserves more. Misty, Chris and Amanda deserve more. 

It seems clear from the last 2 episodes that Chris and Amanda particularly are done, 100%. Misty is very very very close to done and Amy has major guilt but is moving toward done. Momma Slaton sure aint' gonna help. If TamTam wants to live her life on her own maybe it's time to let her and her TikTok figure it out.

[Showthyme]

Enabling is addictive. 

[Kenzie]

7 hours ago, Kid said:

She thinks all those men are circling around her like she’s a planet...

With a very wide orbit, for sure. 😁

[Boston]

16 hours ago, lulu69 said:

Amy sized Tammy up pretty well in s1: "If it's not for Tammy or about Tammy you (she) don't care". 

She NEVER apologizes.. and she is the person who should.

[Boston]

6 hours ago, queenbee24 said:

I've been thinking on the Tammy issue (and continue to find it sad that the siblings have to sit around and say "what are we going to do about Tammy" because they know TamTam won't do jack crap for herself). I don't think any of them are legally obligated to do anything for her. Morally is a different story but she's not considered incompetent so when she returns home, Ms. I Can Take Care Of Myself should do just that. Stop answering her calls, don't bring her food, let her 'take care of herself.' I don't know what the other options really are at this point. She's abusive to everyone she isnt' paying to hang out with her. It's not fair for the siblings to continue to be abused by someone who won't help themself. 

I know Amy isn't perfect by a long shot but she deserves to live a life of her own without a 640 pound (I suspect more like 700 now) weight around her neck. Gage deserves more. Misty, Chris and Amanda deserve more. 

It seems clear from the last 2 episodes that Chris and Amanda particularly are done, 100%. Misty is very very very close to done and Amy has major guilt but is moving toward done. Momma Slaton sure aint' gonna help. If TamTam wants to live her life on her own maybe it's time to let her and her TikTok figure it out.

I agree with you so much.  Just let Tammy do what she wants to do.. at this point she's gonna die soon anyway (not saying this lightly).  When I turned 60.. OMG.  I thought the world stopped - where did my 40s go?  well. . I'm just going to do what I want to do now.  Just saying.

[Texasmom1970]

It really is sad to see Tammy trying to find her happiness in food or liquor. Just like other addicts her family is going to just need to leave her alone. Yes, she is going to spiral, but that is really all they can do.

[MsVixen]

I really wondered about the men who were partying with and using Tammy.  I got a major ping on my Gaydar because of the interview with the African-American man.  Maybe they are straight but I've seen instances where Gay men were really exploiting lonely women for what they could gain.  

A former hairdresser of mine borrowed 40 dollars from me (I did think he was attractive but he was involved with another guy).  Wasn't worried about the money because I figured I would just put it towards my next appointment.  Lo and Behold, he called me to borrow some more money!  Told him "NO", kissed off that 40, and found another hairdresser.  No way was I going to let him touch my hair after that;  who knows what he would have done.

All this is just to point out that I can't see Straight men hanging around Tammy like that.  Unless she really has a "GREAT" personality.....

Edited January 21, 2022 by MsVixen
misspelled word

[Passing Strange]

In terms of a romance scam, I don't think gay or straight matters all that much. The scammers aren't attracted to their victims; it's the money that appeals to them. But I don't think the relationship between Tammy and the young men is either romantic or a scam. They're treating her like an older friend, calling her Tam Tam and saluting The Queen. There doesn't seem to be any indication she thinks they're boyfriend material. Right now Tammy wants something she didn't get when she was younger, to be that cool kid who parties hard. She just wants to hang and she's willing to pay for it.

I may be selling Rob short, but I get the sense that "family friend who's always willing to help" really means "guy we pay to do the shit we don't want to do." I think Rob likes these people well enough, but if the money stopped, so would his willingness to take their calls. I believe the partying is one more job to Rob, Tammy is aware of that, and fine with it, the way she's always fine when she gets what she wants.

 

[magemaud]

On 1/20/2022 at 3:05 PM, Passing Strange said:

I may be selling Rob short, but I get the sense that "family friend who's always willing to help" really means "guy we pay to do the shit we don't want to do."

I wondered why, if he was such a good friend, we'd never heard about him before. 

Updated: I believe Amanda first described him as "my friend, Rob" and since she is also a relative (no pun intended) newcomer to the story, I think the family must only know of him through her. 

Edited January 22, 2022 by magemaud

[oceanview]

On 1/18/2022 at 10:14 PM, Ria said:

I think it’s pretty difficult to get an adult declared a ward of the state. People have to jump through lots of hoops to get guardians appointed for elderly people with severe cognitive decline. I’m not so sure the family can just wash their hands of Tammy and think the state will step in and take over. Maybe if the family stops enabling her she will agree to go back to a rehab or medical facility when she finds herself on her 

 

[oceanview]

Just now, oceanview said:

Not sure who would pay for a medical facility for Tammy if it comes to that.   I doubt  there is an savings available.   This whole thing is so sad 😞.   I wish TLC  would not film her any more, kind of unethical don’t  you think?   I would like to Amy and Michael have some time to themselves without guilt.  They deserve a little bit of normalcy 

 

[Gemma Violet]

The supersized episode tonight showed two bonus scenes: (1) Rob arriving to transport Tammy back home and him discussing Tammy with Amanda, saying he couldn't understand doing this because she was so excited to go on the vacation, and (2) Chris coming over to Amy's new house along with his son, with Chris and Amy discussing Tammy and how they can't lose the weight for her (much of the same we've heard already).  So, both bonus scenes were basically discussions of Tammy, Tammy, and more Tammy.

[auntjess]

When Tammy was saying she knew this was hurting her, but she wanted to have fun, she sounded much more rational and intelligent than usual, and a lot smarter/educated/ well-spoken than Amy does.

[sagittarius sue]

On 1/18/2022 at 2:31 PM, GaT said:

About Brittany's headband. I found this announcement for Chris' & Brittany's engagement that has a photo of them. She's not wearing the headband (and her first name is actually Lauren) & you can see she has a really high hairline. I bet for whatever reason she's losing hair & the headband is to hide it.

One thing I noticed in that announcement was the shockingly low life expectancy in their circles.  Neither Chris nor Brittany had a living father at the time, and not a single living grandparent!

[GaT]

7 hours ago, sagittarius sue said:

One thing I noticed in that announcement was the shockingly low life expectancy in their circles.  Neither Chris nor Brittany had a living father at the time, and not a single living grandparent!

I'm guessing that they were all obese, it seems like a family trait, & that the people they marry are also very fat. I wonder what Misty & Amanda's husbands look like? 

Edited January 21, 2022 by GaT

[sagittarius sue]

10 minutes ago, GaT said:

I'm guessing that they were all obese, it seems like a family trait,& that the people they marry are also very fat. I wonder what Misty & Amanda's husbands look like? 

I have concerns for even sweet Gage.  I think some episodes back Amy commented on his appetite, and he's on the chunky side from his bottom downward, particularly in his legs.  Hopefully a growth spurt in the near future will take care of that.

[Gemma Violet]

29 minutes ago, sagittarius sue said:

I have concerns for even sweet Gage.  I think some episodes back Amy commented on his appetite

A while back, Amy posted a video on Youtube of her feeding Gage a jar of, I think, green beans.  He was just gulping it down like crazy.  I remember commenting here at the time that it looks like he is going to have a healthy appetite.  And that would be fine if Amy avoids having unhealthy foods in the house.  If she keeps snacks around, when he gets older, that may be a problem.

Edited January 21, 2022 by Gemma Violet

[Cosmocrush]

18 hours ago, Gemma Violet said:

The supersized episode tonight showed two bonus scenes: (1) Rob arriving to transport Tammy back home and him discussing Tammy with Amanda, saying he couldn't understand doing this because she was so excited to go on the vacation, and (2) Chris coming over to Amy's new house along with his son, with Chris and Amy discussing Tammy and how they can't lose the weight for her (much of the same we've heard already).  So, both bonus scenes were basically discussions of Tammy, Tammy, and more Tammy.

I cannot imagine how miserable Tammy must be trapped in that body and watch everyone (but mostly Amy) have a real life and not even being able to imagine that for herself.   But the saddest part to me is that Tammy is so miserable she cannot see that she isn't just hurting herself but her decisions are hurting people that genuinely care about her, again mostly Amy.   I wish she could appreciate how fortunate she is to have a family that loves her and cares about her as much as they do - which seems like a lot. 

I know Amy has a lot of faults but I'm impressed with her boundaries.  Sure they could be stronger but not letting Tammy stop her from making the life she wants while still caring very much about what happens to her is something that a lot of people don't know how to do. 

[Passing Strange]

On 1/20/2022 at 8:06 PM, magemaud said:

Updated: I believe Amanda first described him as "my friend, Rob"

I forgot about that. She did, but right after that Amy said he's a family friend who does a lot for everybody and is always there when they need something. If the sisters can't even get straight who Rob is to them I'm thinking more and more that he's a hired friend.

[Friday]

27 minutes ago, Passing Strange said:

I forgot about that. She did, but right after that Amy said he's a family friend who does a lot for everybody and is always there when they need something. If the sisters can't even get straight who Rob is to them I'm thinking more and more that he's a hired friend.

An extra from the TLC Thespians Club.

[Polliwollidoodle]

5 hours ago, Friday said:

An extra from the TLC Thespians Club.

Very possibly but then again, no one ever accused Tammy or Amy or Chris or any of the family of being articulate so anything is possible.

[Cowgirl]

On 1/18/2022 at 9:33 PM, nokat said:

She isn't in cognitive decline, she's just eating herself to death. If you're an adult with cognitive abilities, nothing but family can help.

Yep.  I do trainings on this in my state.  I tell law enforcement and other crisis intervention groups that people are allowed to make very bad decisions, as long as they are competent.  As a visual aid, I use a picture of a house with stuffed animals stuck all over the outdoor siding. Tammy is just infantile and sad to watch.  

What on EARTH did her sister have to apologize for in their fight?  Hell, my family is of both Irish and Italian descent, and we have some FIGHTS.  Not physical, or using crude language like Tammy. Tammy's sister barely yelled back at Tammy, who is absolutely insufferable.  She would NOT be allowed to talk to me like that.  I thought her sister was just standing up against Tammy. Tammy indulges in quite a bit of revisionist history.

I do think some of her behavior is her way of maintaining some control. It's bad behavior, but she controls what happens to her.  In her mind, anyway.

Edited January 26, 2022 by Cowgirl

[mittsigirl]

On 1/18/2022 at 5:17 PM, Anonysaurus said:

Just like when Amy and Chris told Tammy they were approved for surgery, I don't think Tammy even said congratulations. She barely acted excited talking with Amy and even in her confessionals, she was stumbling over her words trying to say she was proud of her. She really cant be happy for anyone else about anything positive -- not life changing surgery, buying a house, not even a vacation.

I think that deep down inside, Tammy is a very bitter person. She can't be happy for anyone.

[12momine]

I knew someone like Tammy, not as big but severely obese from childhood. She had a good job.  Smoked incessantly, drank veryday..  there was no way she was ever gonna get healthy.  Her saving grace was that she was generous, sarcastic, profane and funny as fuck.  She knew how to live when you know you might as well make the most of it.   I think Tammy is trying live her best life and she’ll take whoever will take her.  She is horrible to her family but I still feel sorry for her.