S11.E11: Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

[LennieBriscoe]

AJ has turned out to be a loving, caring, and totally fun husband! Moreover, he has drive and takes initiative (OMG, his "pandemic stay-cation"! 😄). Stephanie had an eye for value that DeBeers diamond mines would kill for! 

Henry? Yeah, NOT an AJ. Comfortable and chatty with Bennett? Has a female entourage that includes someone he once dated but decided they'd be better as "just friends"? Married, yet won't even kiss his wife? Okay, then.

Brett. Alas, I felt the same irritation he did at that "Trivia Night"! He likely anticipated it would be, you know, normal questions where he might show his knowledge and maybe impress Olivia and her pals. Instead, the game was more in figuring out goofy word riddles. Add a loud crowd who didn't care and a glum Olivia who didn't seem to be trying to answer either, and I'd be like, "More beer!"

I bow down in my unworthiness to Amani, Playa Tamer Extraordinaire! Girlfriend could write The Book!

Karen has found an abundance of sweet blueberries, but she has yet to find her thrill on Blueberry Hill. And it is that indefinable element that will always be beyond any expert's matchmaking checklist. 

Awaiting the upcoming faux-drama of "Where In The World Is Amelia's Residency?"!

Edited September 25, 2020 by LennieBriscoe

[cardigirl]

18 hours ago, Silver Bells said:

My parents were matched.  My Father was a good looking gentleman, but she never loved him and was never satisfied.  It was heartbreaking for me when she told me that.  There just has to be love.
 

I wonder why she told you that. Also, people choose to love. I wonder what was so unlovable about your father that she felt so unsatisfied. 

 

Sorry, I know that sounds judgy and I don't really mean to be.  I think you can make your mind up to be happy or not. Even people who are wildly in love and get married, end up divorcing. Attraction is really a very small part of making a successful marriage. Some of it is determination.  

[Booger666]

12 hours ago, MyTwoCents said:

Same thing for women! Every man I ever turned down insisted I must be gay since they were obviously the best catch ever 🙄

I guess that’s progress cause men used to call us frigid if we weren’t into them.  Imagine a world where we just accepted things and didn’t resort to name calling / stereotyping 😔 

Edited September 25, 2020 by Booger666

[Hangin Out]

12 minutes ago, cardigirl said:

I wonder why she told you that. Also, people choose to love. I wonder what was so unlovable about your father that she felt so unsatisfied. 

 

Sorry, I know that sounds judgy and I don't really mean to be.  I think you can make your mind up to be happy or not. Even people who are wildly in love and get married, end up divorcing. Attraction is really a very small part of making a successful marriage. Some of it is determination.  

My parents came from Europe.  My mother had a boyfriend there who she loved.  In those days they matched within the friends.  She came to America and met up with my father thru the friends and got married.  She always said her parents ruined her life.  My father was a good looking gentleman, but she was never satisfied because of the other boyfriend.  That’s what they did in those days.  I felt bad for both of them.  I’m sure she respected him as she took good care of him, but there was no fire there, I guess.  Also, he didn’t have much money, so she had to work her whole life which she resented.  Things were tough in those years .. the war, the depression, etc., which added to everything.  Boy, do I have it good compared to then.

[Hangin Out]

17 hours ago, greeneyedscorpio said:

I think she could make a go of marriage if the man earned as much/more, wanted to travel, eat out, drink fine wine, and didn't want kids.  Essentially the opposite of Brett.  Why she went on a show like this with such rigid expectations is beyond me.  None of those desires are bad, she just very much knows what she wants and either didn't express that in the matching process or they didn't listen to her.   

That said, I'd be ready to pop Brett in the mouth if I was married to him.  He's an ass.  He's really opened my eyes to my own sarcastic/smart-ass ways and is making me evaluate myself.  I do think sarcasm can be funny, but his is cruel sometimes and I don't want to be like that.  Thanks for the nudge to be more self-aware, Brett!

Plus .. I have to add .. you can go out with a guy for 2 months or two years, and when you marry, then you find out things about him you never knew.  Nothing bad, but their hobbies you may not like, different things.  I never knew that every Sunday, my husband would watch every football game on for hours at a time.  That is his thing and I had to suck it up, among other things sports minded.  Tho, the good points about him outweigh the bad, and I’m sure there are things he doesn’t like about me also.  Compromise is the key.  I think Brett just is mad that he got matched with her, but is biding his time and being an ass about it.  If he was matched to a woman to his liking, we would see a different Brett.  He’s annoyed and that’s that.

Besides, she’s dowdy looking .. he expected a firecracker like Dr. Viviana.  Then, the nice Brett would come out.  He would be a different person.  I think anyhow.

 

 

 

Edited September 25, 2020 by Silver Bells

[Boo Boo]

2 hours ago, cardigirl said:

I wonder why she told you that. Also, people choose to love. I wonder what was so unlovable about your father that she felt so unsatisfied. 

 

Sorry, I know that sounds judgy and I don't really mean to be.  I think you can make your mind up to be happy or not. Even people who are wildly in love and get married, end up divorcing. Attraction is really a very small part of making a successful marriage. Some of it is determination.  

I think the "choosing to love" and the "determination" type of comments is why some people stay in bad marriages forever.  

[Neurochick]

2 hours ago, cardigirl said:

I wonder why she told you that. Also, people choose to love. I wonder what was so unlovable about your father that she felt so unsatisfied. 

 

Sorry, I know that sounds judgy and I don't really mean to be.  I think you can make your mind up to be happy or not. Even people who are wildly in love and get married, end up divorcing. Attraction is really a very small part of making a successful marriage. Some of it is determination.  

I think there's a fine line.  Many people who are madly in love wind up getting divorced, so it has to be more than just love.  Attraction also comes and goes.  

Sometimes people have this idea of what their "ideal partner" would be like.   And you may be unhappy if you find a partner, that could be perfect for you, but not your "ideal."

[cardigirl]

12 minutes ago, Boo Boo said:

I think the "choosing to love" and the "determination" type of comments is why some people stay in bad marriages forever.  

 

3 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

I think there's a fine line.  Many people who are madly in love wind up getting divorced, so it has to be more than just love.  Attraction also comes and goes.  

Sometimes people have this idea of what their "ideal partner" would be like.   And you may be unhappy if you find a partner, that could be perfect for you, but not your "ideal."

Fair points, I guess. What I am trying to say, poorly, is that you make of life what you want. Yes people stay in marriages that make them unhappy, but then do nothing to change those marriages. They fall into patterns of behavior with their partners that they find difficult to break. Maybe the only way to change the marriage would be to leave. However, often when people leave and remarry, they find that they have the exact same problems with the next partner. That's why so many second and third marriages also end in divorce. At higher rates, even, than first marriages.  Hmmm, so maybe the unhappiness wasn't the marriage, or the partner or some other external thing.

[Boo Boo]

10 minutes ago, cardigirl said:

 

Fair points, I guess. What I am trying to say, poorly, is that you make of life what you want. Yes people stay in marriages that make them unhappy, but then do nothing to change those marriages. They fall into patterns of behavior with their partners that they find difficult to break. Maybe the only way to change the marriage would be to leave. However, often when people leave and remarry, they find that they have the exact same problems with the next partner. That's why so many second and third marriages also end in divorce. At higher rates, even, than first marriages.  Hmmm, so maybe the unhappiness wasn't the marriage, or the partner or some other external thing.

Yes, I understand your point.  I just think there are people staying in marriages that aren't great because of the stigma of a divorce and the attitude that you just didn't try hard enough.

I think for some people, the bigger issue is fear of being alone.  That's why they'll jump into the next marriage so easily.

[Neurochick]

I think Brett is a jerk.  

I don't think a person should go on a show like this, to get married at first sight and be snarky and sarcastic, especially when you're matched with a person you don't know.  To me Brett comes across like a douche who uses sarcasm because he doesn't want people to see the real him, unless there is no REAL Brett.

[Soup333]

1 hour ago, Silver Bells said:

Plus .. I have to add .. you can go out with a guy for 2 months or two years, and when you marry, then you find out things about him you never knew.  Nothing bad, but their hobbies you may not like, different things.  I never knew that every Sunday, my husband would watch every football game on for hours at a time.  That is his thing and I had to suck it up, among other things sports minded.  Tho, the good points about him outweigh the bad, and I’m sure there are things he doesn’t like about me also.  Compromise is the key.  I think Brett just is mad that he got matched with her, but is biding his time and being an ass about it.  If he was matched to a woman to his liking, we would see a different Brett.  He’s annoyed and that’s that.

Besides, she’s dowdy looking .. he expected a firecracker like Dr. Viviana.  Then, the nice Brett would come out.  He would be a different person.  I think anyhow.

I agree with this to a point. I think we would see a difference in both their personalities if they had different partners. Olivia flashed that brilliant smile plenty at her wedding before she truly knew her husband. If she had a match like AJ, who doesn't use his sarcasm as a weapon against his bride, then she might be a happier version of the woman we see now. I think if Brett was matched with someone who had a similar financial mindset and was perhaps more to his physical liking, we'd see a different version of him as well, but Brett will never be a Miles. Or a Bennett, Keith, Greg, Doug - or any other *nice* husband we've seen on this show. He's just not wired that way. I think Brett is to facetiousness as Bennett is to kindness. It's just innate. 

 

[Neurochick]

I also think Brett's snark makes him seem light hearted and easy going and makes Olivia seem dour, when Brett is just dancing around, not wanting to be serious.  Then when he is serious, I wonder if that's the "real Brett" or just another persona.

[Boo Boo]

2 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

I also think Brett's snark makes him seem light hearted and easy going and makes Olivia seem dour, when Brett is just dancing around, not wanting to be serious.  Then when he is serious, I wonder if that's the "real Brett" or just another persona.

I think Brett knows no other way than being snarky and sarcastic.  The snark and sarcasm is a way of life for his family.  Maybe it's a defense mechanism they all learned growing up.  Maybe he needs someone who gives the snark right back. That sure isn't Olivia!

[Neurochick]

6 minutes ago, Boo Boo said:

I think Brett knows no other way than being snarky and sarcastic.  The snark and sarcasm is a way of life for his family.  Maybe it's a defense mechanism they all learned growing up.  Maybe he needs someone who gives the snark right back. That sure isn't Olivia!

Karen made a comment about Miles and how open he was with his feelings, as if that bothered her.  I do think that Brett does use sarcasm to not deal with what he's feeling.  Some families just don't talk about feelings and when someone does, it rattles them.  So many people have been taught to just "suck it up" which is why IMO you have so many addicts, because you either talk it out or act it out.

[gonecrackers]

Brett won't change his sarcastic ways because he (& his brothers) think they're very clever. He's also an extremely manipulative person - uses the sarcasm to deflect, but also to win over (as seen on Reddit right now). He could sit back & let things play out but that's not what he's doing. Olivia is not trolling all the posts about herself trying to win people over, or otherwise, the way he is - freaking weirdo. I don't trust this guy at all & he shouldn't be married. He & his kitty (who I do think he really loves) can live happily alone in his beloved house - that he bought (lest we forget - equity people, equity!), & taking out women every now & then for a free meal & a bang... it'll be a full life for Brett.

Edited September 25, 2020 by gonecrackers

[Neurochick]

1 hour ago, gonecrackers said:

Brett won't change his sarcastic ways because he (& his brothers) think they're very clever. He's also an extremely manipulative person - uses the sarcasm to deflect, but also to win over (as seen on Reddit right now). He could sit back & let things play out but that's not what he's doing. Olivia is not trolling all the posts about herself trying to win people over, or otherwise, the way he is - freaking weirdo. I don't trust this guy at all & he shouldn't be married. He & his kitty (who I do think he really loves) can live happily alone in his beloved house - that he bought (lest we forget - equity people, equity!), & taking out women every now & then for a free meal & a bang... it'll be a full life for Brett.

That sums up Brett nicely.

Edited September 25, 2020 by Neurochick

[StatisticalOutlier]

11 hours ago, Linarina said:

I'm not a Christina fan, but given the mute lump of a person she's been cruelly matched with, one could also read her smirk as an empowering "I'm tired of pretending you have potential, confidence in a mate is not too much to ask for, screw you for wasting my time," and I would totally get that.

Or maybe her smirk is a failed attempt at a pleasant face to cover the total exasperation she feels at trying to get that mute lump of a person she's been cruelly matched with to interact with her.  I get exhausted just watching him because I can feel how hard I would be trying to pull something out of him.

 

4 hours ago, LennieBriscoe said:

Brett. Alas, I felt the same irritation he did at that "Trivia Night"! He likely anticipated it would be, you know, normal questions where he might show his knowledge and maybe impress Olivia and her pals. Instead, the game was more in figuring out goofy word riddles. Add a loud crowd who didn't care and a glum Olivia who didn't seem to be trying to answer either, and I'd be like, "More beer!"

Right.  The activity was disappointing, but he could think, "Oh well, it's not really trivia, but I can still get to know these people."  But it was too loud for any real conversation, plus there was the frequent interruption with new questions.  So it wasn't trivia, and it also wasn't a good venue for getting to know each other.  Not much left.

 

43 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

Karen made a comment about Miles and how open he was with his feelings, as if that bothered her. 

I have to admit that the extent of Miles's openness with his feelings might bother me, too.  He seems like he's high maintenance in that regard, and while being in touch with one's feelings is obviously good, there can come a point where it's just too much.

[Alexander Pope]

1 hour ago, Soup333 said:

I agree with this to a point. I think we would see a difference in both their personalities if they had different partners. Olivia flashed that brilliant smile plenty at her wedding before she truly knew her husband. If she had a match like AJ, who doesn't use his sarcasm as a weapon against his bride, then she might be a happier version of the woman we see now. I think if Brett was matched with someone who had a similar financial mindset and was perhaps more to his physical liking, we'd see a different version of him as well, but Brett will never be a Miles. Or a Bennett, Keith, Greg, Doug - or any other *nice* husband we've seen on this show. He's just not wired that way. I think Brett is to facetiousness as Bennett is to kindness. It's just innate. 

 

In Brett's case I would say that it's nurture as much as nature.  His brothers are much worse than he is and shamed him at his wedding!! I grew up in a very sarcastic family and was teased mercilessly as a child.  I had to do some conscious work to unlearn their bad habits.  Sarcasm is what Brett knows.

[Neurochick]

33 minutes ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

I have to admit that the extent of Miles's openness with his feelings might bother me, too.  He seems like he's high maintenance in that regard, and while being in touch with one's feelings is obviously good, there can come a point where it's just too much.

I'm confused.  What extent?   I didn't see Miles being THAT open to the point of being uncomfortable.  

Edited September 25, 2020 by Neurochick

[JapMo]

I have a couple of theories:

• I don't remember seeing Brett on the half hour show with Jamie Otis, but I don't watch that show all the time.  But if he has, it's not as many times as the others.  From reading other posts, it appears Jamie and the other spouses (and apparently Pastor Cal) have been attacking him on camera.  My theory is that Brett somewhere down the road realized Olivia has no intention of having kids and coupled with the fact they have other big issues like money, he basically called it quits before the final reveal.  Brett seems like the type that once he makes up his mind, he rarely changes it, and no threats from Production is going to force him to come on Jamie's show.  Just my opinion.
• After watching how introverted Henry is, many of us have speculated that someone else talked him into coming on the show and it was not something he came up with on his own.  I throw this out for a possibility......perhaps it was his friend that used to be on Real World that contacted the show, and MAFS went crazy over the fact they could get a "celebrity" to appear on the show so they arm twisted the experts.  Because as much as we criticize the experts, they are highly trained, and there's no way they should have EVER considered him, much less pick Christina as their little lamb to the slaughter.  There's no way on paper, on cardboard, on dirt that these two have anything in common.  At least Brett and Olivia have the cats.

[JapMo]

25 minutes ago, Alexander Pope said:

I agree with this to a point. I think we would see a difference in both their personalities if they had different partners. Olivia flashed that brilliant smile plenty at her wedding before she truly knew her husband. If she had a match like AJ, who doesn't use his sarcasm as a weapon against his bride, then she might be a happier version of the woman we see now. 

Oh I highly doubt Olivia would be happier with AJ.  There's not many women who could stay in the same room with that guy for more than 5 minutes.  He has to be the center of attention at all times.  Stephanie is a saint, honestly.  

[Rae Spellman]

4 hours ago, Silver Bells said:

Besides, she’s dowdy looking .. he expected a firecracker like Dr. Viviana.  Then, the nice Brett would come out.  He would be a different person.  I think anyhow.

This show often matches people of comparable levels of attractiveness. The NOLA equivalent of a firecracker like Dr. Viviana might be disappointed in being matched with Brett.

1 hour ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

I have to admit that the extent of Miles's openness with his feelings might bother me, too.  He seems like he's high maintenance in that regard, and while being in touch with one's feelings is obviously good, there can come a point where it's just too much.

It probably makes him a good elementary school educator. I'm surprised he didn't meet a nice woman a conference or other work-related event who would appreciate all of that. 

[StatisticalOutlier]

52 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

I'm confused.  What extent?   I didn't see Miles being THAT open to the point of being uncomfortable.  

For me, it has more to do with the constant openness.  It just seems to me that at best, he lowers the flame a little and it's never actually on a back  burner.  It's always there, waiting to come out.

I wish I knew what was in the videos Karen saw before the wedding that shook her up so bad.  I know that I wouldn't be attracted to someone who pours his heart out to strangers on the internet, just because I think it would be weird.  But it would also worry me that if he's going to be acting like that for strangers, what must he be like with his wife?

[Neurochick]

Just now, StatisticalOutlier said:

For me, it has more to do with the constant openness.  It just seems to me that at best, he lowers the flame a little and it's never actually on a back  burner.  It's always there, waiting to come out.

I wish I knew what was in the videos Karen saw before the wedding that shook her up so bad.  I know that I wouldn't be attracted to someone who pours his heart out to strangers on the internet, just because I think it would be weird.  But it would also worry me that if he's going to be acting like that for strangers, what must he be like with his wife?

Still don't see a problem.  People share at 12 step meetings every day, people share in group therapy every day.  Nothing weird about that.

[StatisticalOutlier]

4 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

Still don't see a problem.  People share at 12 step meetings every day, people share in group therapy every day.  Nothing weird about that.

Time and place.

[Boo Boo]

2 minutes ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

For me, it has more to do with the constant openness.  It just seems to me that at best, he lowers the flame a little and it's never actually on a back  burner.  It's always there, waiting to come out.

I wish I knew what was in the videos Karen saw before the wedding that shook her up so bad.  I know that I wouldn't be attracted to someone who pours his heart out to strangers on the internet, just because I think it would be weird.  But it would also worry me that if he's going to be acting like that for strangers, what must he be like with his wife?

I totally get what you mean.  I have friends on facebook that could do a lot less sharing.  If constant openness means he's constantly talking about his clinical depression or other issues that would be a real turn off for me too. I haven't seen enough of Miles and whether he's a constant buzz kill or not b/c he seems pretty lighthearted.

[Neurochick]

4 minutes ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Time and place.

Still don't see the issue.  I sense that Karen is from the type of family that says, "We don't talk about our feelings."  Well, you either talk it or or act it out.

[StatisticalOutlier]

2 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

Still don't see the issue.  I sense that Karen is from the type of family that says, "We don't talk about our feelings."  Well, you either talk it or or act it out.

I think there's a middle (and I might argue healthy) ground between not talking about feelings and constantly talking about feelings.  I can't imagine anyone who would want to live in a 12-step meeting or group therapy. 

[Rae Spellman]

1 minute ago, Neurochick said:

Still don't see a problem.  People share at 12 step meetings every day, people share in group therapy every day.  Nothing weird about that.

Group therapy and twelve step meetings are very specific spaces. In some elementary schools students are encouraged to share like that, too. There's nothing wrong with Miles' openness. My professional background is in elementary education and social work. So, I would appreciate it and at times find it overwhelming after work. 

Being that open could be a good sorting mechanism. It could be why he had ten, but not really ten monogamous relationships. He's open and committed. Some of the women he dated found it to be too much. The relationship ended. Eventually, he'll find a good woman who will appreciate it. 

[Neurochick]

7 minutes ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

I can't imagine anyone who would want to live in a 12-step meeting or group therapy. 

To each their own.  But personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with living in a safe space.  I mean home is where a person should feel safe.  I think that's what Miles wants from Karen, and she doesn't know how to be that safe person because she's too worried about what other people think.  

Edited September 25, 2020 by Neurochick

[cinsays]

44 minutes ago, Rhiannon Hunter said:

This show often matches people of comparable levels of attractiveness. The NOLA equivalent of a firecracker like Dr. Viviana might be disappointed in being matched with Brett.

It probably makes him a good elementary school educator. I'm surprised he didn't meet a nice woman a conference or other work-related event who would appreciate all of that. 

hopefully he will meet someone else after this is over because i don't see Karen ever showing him much love.

[gonecrackers]

38 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

Still don't see the issue.  I sense that Karen is from the type of family that says, "We don't talk about our feelings."  Well, you either talk it or or act it out.

Truth!

He should just keep his personal stuff off SM. He seems like he'd be willing to keep things more private between them & not share so much with the world, IF that's what he's doing & IF that's her issue.

If she's upset because he's talking things out too much with her, well, I just can't sympathize with that.

ETA: also as long as it's not always all about him; he doesn't seem that way so far though

Edited September 25, 2020 by gonecrackers

[Soup333]

17 minutes ago, cinsays said:

hopefully he will meet someone else after this is over because i don't see Karen ever showing him much love.

This may be an issue between them if they stay together. Would he be satisfied with whatever level of affection she feels is good enough for her?

[Meowwww]

Count me in as another who didn’t see Miles talking constantly about his feelings.  
I came from an Eastern European family, grew up sharing no feelings.  Now, my hubby is a sensitive guy and we both talk openly about our feelings.  
Miles seems sensitive and normal to me.  I dunno.  
I also think Karen is closed off on camera, always knowing her dad disapproves mightily.  And they will be watching the show and he will probably disapprove more.  My own parents, see above, would be angry and embarrassed and I would have to answer to them, had I been on the show when I was young.  That’s a thought that fills me with terror lol. 

Edited September 25, 2020 by Meowwww
More

[Mrs. Button]

Quote

Fight on Brett! The cards are stacked against ya, but fight on. 

All due respect, "fighting" to save one's marriage seems pretty self-defeating. What is he supposed to do — double down on sarcastic glares? I'm sure *that* will make her see the error of her ways and dedicate herself to the marriage.

Quote

There are other things about Brett that are trying, but he seems fairly patient, and as an example, when they went rock climbing he was able to direct that pretty well.

Yes, when he's calling the shots, there's absolutely no problems.  And that is the very problem.

Quote

Karen and Olivia should get together and go on a trip to Europe.  They don’t need or want men.  They have too many hang ups.  They belong single.

I think they both think they *should* get married because there's a lot of pressure on young women to do that once they hit a certain age, (men are not immune to this either). Little do they realize that when you rush into marriage with the wrong person for you (or you yourself are not suited to it at this point), your old problems start looking pretty good, pretty fast.

Quote

However, often when people leave and remarry, they find that they have the exact same problems with the next partner. That's why so many second and third marriages also end in divorce. At higher rates, even, than first marriages.  Hmmm, so maybe the unhappiness wasn't the marriage, or the partner or some other external thing.

I was just talking about this very thing last night with a friend of mine who just got divorced; her husband already has a serious girl friend and she's pretty hurt over the idea that she could be "replaced" so quickly. If, when a marriage ends, there is not at least a short period of self-reflection along the lines of, "What choices did *I* make that got me in there and made me stay for so long?" — the same mistake will most likely be made with a new person. It is not so much about "blame" as being accountable for the role you played and the decisions you made, so you don't do it to yourself again. 

[cardigirl]

1 minute ago, Mrs. Button said:

All due respect, "fighting" to save one's marriage seems pretty self-defeating. What is he supposed to do — double down on sarcastic glares? I'm sure *that* will make her see the error of her ways and dedicate herself to the marriage

I just meant that everyone seems determined to make him out to be a villain and I don't think he is one.  

 

Quote

I was just talking about this very thing last night with a friend of mine who just got divorced; her husband already has a serious girl friend and she's pretty hurt over the idea that she could be "replaced" so quickly. If, when a marriage ends, there is not at least a short period of self-reflection along the lines of, "What choices did *I* make that got me in there and made me stay for so long?" — the same mistake will most likely be made with a new person. It is not so much about "blame" as being accountable for the role you played and the decisions you made, so you don't do it to yourself again. 

"Whereever you go, there you are."  Yes, he may have thought that whatever was making him unhappy enough to want a divorce in the first place (given that the divorce was his idea and not your friend's) was not fixed by replacing his wife with a second version. He brought everything that is him with him into that new relationship. 

[Mrs. Button]

Quote

"Whereever you go, there you are."  Yes, he may have thought that whatever was making him unhappy enough to want a divorce in the first place (given that the divorce was his idea and not your friend's) was not fixed by replacing his wife with a second version. He brought everything that is him with him into that new relationship. 

I agree 100%. She (my friend) dumped him, and is happy enough to be free, but is just hurt by the new girlfriend regardless. I do really dislike the husband because I've seen him be a jerk to his kids on several occasions. For him, getting a new girlfriend is his way to safe face after a very public rejection. He did choose a more passive woman, but it's only a matter of time before it all implodes in hideous fashion (just my take). Really the kids have my sympathy most as unwilling participants in the drama — I am just so thankful kids are not involved in this show in any way. Frankly, it was hard enough watching Derek get attached to Katie's dog. I'm sure losing *that* relationship really stunk for him.

[qtpye]

5 hours ago, Neurochick said:

I think Brett is a jerk.  

I don't think a person should go on a show like this, to get married at first sight and be snarky and sarcastic, especially when you're matched with a person you don't know.  To me Brett comes across like a douche who uses sarcasm because he doesn't want people to see the real him, unless there is no REAL Brett.

 

5 hours ago, Neurochick said:

I also think Brett's snark makes him seem light hearted and easy going and makes Olivia seem dour, when Brett is just dancing around, not wanting to be serious.  Then when he is serious, I wonder if that's the "real Brett" or just another persona.

 

4 hours ago, gonecrackers said:

Brett won't change his sarcastic ways because he (& his brothers) think they're very clever. He's also an extremely manipulative person - uses the sarcasm to deflect, but also to win over (as seen on Reddit right now). He could sit back & let things play out but that's not what he's doing. Olivia is not trolling all the posts about herself trying to win people over, or otherwise, the way he is - freaking weirdo. I don't trust this guy at all & he shouldn't be married. He & his kitty (who I do think he really loves) can live happily alone in his beloved house - that he bought (lest we forget - equity people, equity!), & taking out women every now & then for a free meal & a bang... it'll be a full life for Brett.

One thing about Brett is that he is just not this way his bride. This NOLA cast is a pretty friendly group but they all have a negative impression of him. Remember, this negative impression started before he even set eyes on Olivia.

I think he is a pretty cocky guy that is trying to hide a pretty insecure shell. He knows the right stuff to say like Olivia's supposed secret smile. I think it is a bigger reflection on his character that fairly cool guys like Woody, Bennett, Miles and Henry can not seem to stand him. Mild manner Henry thought it was incredibly gauche that he was hitting on his friend the day before the wedding and he was right.

 

[Soup333]

55 minutes ago, cardigirl said:

I just meant that everyone seems determined to make him out to be a villain and I don't think he is one.  

Brett is one of those people that causes division amongst viewers. Same as Deonna and I guess Jamie - there are people that love her!

From the beginning I’ve Brett as an ass but I’m not *determined* to make anyone else see him as anything. We’re just discussing the show. Like we do every season.  

[Haute Messe]

On 9/23/2020 at 11:35 PM, endure said:

I say this every week, they matched the wrong people it should have been Christina & Brett and Olivia & Henry.  I always remember Christina’s pleading face saying all she wanted was a nice guy 💔

I think it should have been Henry and Brett and Olivia and ChristinA!

[Haute Messe]

Olivia has taken a firm first place spot on my list of people that I dislike. She is just so bloody humourless and has a severe case of resting bitch face. She has made me actually feel sorry for Brett!  I know we have seen some of her friends, but have we seen any of her family? I also think that Brett is very insecure and the sarcasm is his protective shield but unfortunately it is very off-putting to many people.  She has said that he is very different off camera, and I guess she thinks he is even worse - or not? Bottom line, these two are just not compatible in any way in either their values, goals or interests.

ChristinA has the worst fashion sense I have ever seen. Whatever that lace thing was on her head looked like a veil that a 6 year old Catholic girl wears to their first communion. And that blue and white dress looked like a tablecloth for an English garden tea. But far worse was her completely simplistic lack of compassion for Henry's confidence issue, telling him to "just get over it".  I am liking Henry more and more as he opens up and I love his humour, but I think he would be much better suited with someone who encourages and supports him, as would we all. I think she is far too self absorbed to be that person.

I like how comfortable and open Amani and Woody are with each other, and hope that this is not just a honeymoon phase.

I do hope that Karen and Miles make it, but I guess it remains to be seen. It is nice to see her open up to him and I hope that intimacy will develop with them, at least off-camera.

Amelia and Bennett - they seem so well suited to each other and I think they will make it.

[Ilovepie]

49 minutes ago, qtpye said:

This NOLA cast is a pretty friendly group but they all have a negative impression of him. Remember, this negative impression started before he even set eyes on Olivia.

I think he is a pretty cocky guy that is trying to hide a pretty insecure shell. He knows the right stuff to say like Olivia's supposed secret smile. I think it is a bigger reflection on his character that fairly cool guys like Woody, Bennett, Miles and Henry can not seem to stand him. Mild manner Henry thought it was incredibly gauche that he was hitting on his friend the day before the wedding and he was right.

I think the show is working overtime to paint him as a villain, yet at the same time, there is, so far, other than the Bachelor Party, not a lot to justify this. By this time in other seasons, we have seen actual horrendous behavior by some of the guys, and this guy is nowhere near as bad as Luke, Matt or Brandon. He's not even as bad as Zach or Michael. So far, Brett was flirty at a bachelor party before he even met Olivia, and is sarcastically passive aggressive about owning his house and not wanting spend all of his disposable income on travel. Olivia seems frustrated, but she has not specified how he is different in private. She mostly seems annoyed that she can't lecture him into submission to what she wants. I don't know what exactly he has done to any of these guys to get the disdain they show on Unfiltered, or if it's just support of their wives who have taken Olivia's side (or in Henry's case, he has never liked him). But frankly, I can't imagine any of them being friends in real life with a guy like him. Either way, it just feels almost like bullying because nothing we have been shown has warranted this level of disgust (even from Pastor Cal!). Unless something will be forthcoming, I don't find him to be that bad, and I don't feel sorry for Olivia because she is just as annoying but in a different way.

[KateHearts]

Henry's twitches came out full-force when the blindfold went on. I noticed that he was much more relaxed and made good eye contact during his conversation with Bennett (who was so attentive and insightful. I really do like him.)  Christina has a very odd way of dressing. Sort of beachy-meets-milkmaid.  

Olivia is exhausting, but Brett has an infuriating way of acting as if he's having a conversation while never answering a question directly.  His end was mostly "uh huh," "I hear you," or answering her questions with another question. That would drive me nuts. But to be equal to both of them, she is exhaustive with her questions about their relationship, analysis of every move, glance and word, and her refusal to just converse and get to know the guy.

Karen and Miles bore me so I find myself getting up to do chores during their segments.

Woody and Amani are cute, as are Amelia and Bennett; therefore I don't have much to say about them. Now I realize why they put such odd couples together. Otherwise we wouldn't watch.

[Ilovepie]

16 minutes ago, KateHearts said:

Christina has a very odd way of dressing. Sort of beachy-meets-milkmaid.  

Oh my gosh! What the hell was that lace thing in her hair??? And her style seems to be 50,000 low cut wrap dresses. Except when she was wearing jeans and a turtleneck at a resort in Mexico..........

OTOH, I think Karen and Amani have great style. Almost every week Amani is wearing something I think, oooh, I would like to wear that! I'm still thinking about that jewel neck sweater she wore at their friends and family party. And now I can add that white dress from this week 😜

[Alexander Pope]

3 minutes ago, Ilovepie said:

Oh my gosh! What the hell was that lace thing in her hair??? And her style seems to be 50,000 low cut wrap dresses. Except when she was wearing jeans and a turtleneck at a resort in Mexico..........

OTOH, I think Karen and Amani have great style. Almost every week Amani is wearing something I think, oooh, I would like to wear that! I'm still thinking about that jewel neck sweater she wore at their friends and family party. And now I can add that white dress from this week 😜

Her complete lack of fashion sense is the visual equivalent to her distressing lack of self-awareness.

[pdlinda]

7 hours ago, gonecrackers said:

I don't trust this guy at all & he shouldn't be married. He & his kitty (who I do think he really loves) can live happily alone in his beloved house - that he bought (lest we forget - equity people, equity!), & taking out women every now & then for a free meal & a bang... it'll be a full life for Brett.

I feel the same way about Olivia.  She's not marriage material either.  She seems perfectly happy and content living as she pleases, going on trips (maybe she could join a travel group), loving her cat. loving her job and controlling every aspect of her life as she seems fit.  A husband/wife to both Brett and Olivia seem like more of a nuisance that anything else. Not everybody thrives in marriage.  

[Linarina]

On the topic of Miles' openness getting tiring, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt that these are the topics production suggests.  And since it's a show about their relationships, I can see how they'd think they should discuss those relationships.  They don't realize that the viewer then assumes that's ALL they talk about 24/7.

(I cannot imagine giving over control of how I'm portrayed on a tv show!)

Edit:  But then again, he was open on his social media before the show too.  I too wish we knew to what extent.

Edited September 26, 2020 by Linarina

[Mollypup]

6 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

I think the show is working overtime to paint him as a villain, yet at the same time, there is, so far, other than the Bachelor Party, not a lot to justify this. By this time in other seasons, we have seen actual horrendous behavior by some of the guys, and this guy is nowhere near as bad as Luke, Matt or Brandon. He's not even as bad as Zach or Michael. So far, Brett was flirty at a bachelor party before he even met Olivia, and is sarcastically passive aggressive about owning his house and not wanting spend all of his disposable income on travel. Olivia seems frustrated, but she has not specified how he is different in private. She mostly seems annoyed that she can't lecture him into submission to what she wants. I don't know what exactly he has done to any of these guys to get the disdain they show on Unfiltered, or if it's just support of their wives who have taken Olivia's side (or in Henry's case, he has never liked him). But frankly, I can't imagine any of them being friends in real life with a guy like him. Either way, it just feels almost like bullying because nothing we have been shown has warranted this level of disgust (even from Pastor Cal!). Unless something will be forthcoming, I don't find him to be that bad, and I don't feel sorry for Olivia because she is just as annoying but in a different way.

Brett is not so bad.  He may be sarcastic but he is just trying to get through the 8 weeks.  He knows that this is not a true match for him. Olivia is pretty frustrated that Brett has given up, hence her constant annoyance.  This MAFS marriage is just much more important to her than it is for Brett.

[princelina]

On 9/24/2020 at 11:30 AM, bichonblitz said:

Olivia does not have that personality. All she really wants to do is have serious conversations with Brett about how he needs to improve himself. She is a drag and a bore. I don't care how much she herself believes that she's fun and Brett is the boring one. All the excitement we have seen from her is Trivia night and a boat ride in the Louisiana swamp.  She has only shown us that she likes expensive restaurants and high dollar wine. Big Whoop. 

Yes!  She thinks she is fun because she likes doing things, but it's like she's doing them to show that she is fun.  When she came down off the rock wall there was no hug or high-five for Brett; ditto with the drink making - when they finished she just looked at her phone, put it away and announced that hers was best.  I didn't notice her rocking the trivia table either.  Did they have fun on their honeymoon?  I can't remember!

Also, I remember her telling Cal when he visited after the honeymoon and asked about sex - that she felt they didn't need to get into that right now; they were married and it would happen eventually.  It sounded at the time very much like her decision and I wondered what Brett's thoughts on it were.

They both accuse the other of acting different off-camera and I feel like they like each other better off camera (I literally cannot imagine them lying together on the couch chatting peacefully based on how they act on the show.  But they seem to agree that it happened 😄  ). I wonder if she is afraid of being made a fool of on camera, such as liking him and then getting dumped on decision day, so she's got her defenses up too high and can't relax.  It's like she wants to be sure that WE see that she sees through him.

 

On 9/24/2020 at 12:41 PM, JapMo said:

But think about it....what's he under pressure about with her that makes him uncomfortable?  S E X.  I would bet Henry has never had a relationship with a woman (since high school) that's lasted more than a month or so.  That's why he has all these female friends he hangs around.  There's no pressure for him.  He's the strong shoulder to cry on/be supportive/be another type of support when falling down drunk/the designated driver etc etc......everything but the guy who will eventually try to make a move and ruin the friendship.  He will never make the move.

It's not about Christina.  Most guys don't think with the head that rests on top of their neck, so they don't care that a woman is a meanie and rude or was in a toxic relationship right before they met her.  They are not going to reject a woman that has pretty much come out and said 'whenever you are ready'.  Most guys would "do" Christina in a heartbeat...I mean, let's be honest here...they would.  Only the guy who is petrified of intimacy would have a problem.  

Will didn't "do" Jasmine and she was open for it.  I think the pressure he feels from her is that he is just not good enough - she wants moves, she wants confidence, she's rude to people in front of him which he hates.  She's not the physical type he asked for - which could be overcome if they were simpatico but they are not.  He just wants to get through the next few weeks and part politely, and she can't take a hint that sexy times aren't happening.  That's where I think the pressure for him is coming from.  When Viv asked how he would be comfortable with affection, he put his arm across her leg for about a minute, then removed it and was slanting his body away from her for the rest of the conversation.

 

23 hours ago, Kira53 said:

I disagree. I think the average person thinks that the man should just pay for the woman and that the woman doesn't have to make equal money to him.  Why would the guy be feeling pressured to give up his lifestyle and adopt the woman's lifestyle when he has money?  I can only imagine if the man refused to pay to share any of the "good things in life" with his new wife what would be said on the Internet.

Olivia wouldn't have to give it up if she'd pay - she doesn't seem willing to do that!

I don't see Viv as a "firecracker" - she's attractive enough but in a robotic way.  

Also I loved a 30 minute commute - time to wake up and drink my diet Coke; time to decompress on the way home before having to deal with people again.  I thought it was the perfect amount of time 😄 

 

[Mollypup]

It is interesting to me how much these "rocky marriages" are taken so seriously.  It is not a failure if the experiment does not work out.  But Olivia seems so desperate to make it work that she comes across as very whiny and off-putting. Does she actually believe that Brett and her were meant to be together?  Brett obviously doesn't think so.