S11.E07: The Honeymoon is Over

[Ilovepie]

59 minutes ago, ShowFan said:

I understand where Olivia is coming from but she isn’t handling it well. My husband and i started together in college at the same min wage jobs. We always shared expenses and kept separate finances. Over time my income grew faster than his. We both like “nice things.” For a while we kept splitting the cost of those nice things in half until we reached a point where I was being held back from progressing the nice things. I chose to progressively foot larger and larger part of the bill because for me it was the experience and being together that mattered. We work equally hard (he actually works even harder than me) but I now make about 4 times more. Of course I pay for all nice things and he shares half of the basic things. And it works great!
 

Since Olivia and Brett don’t have the foundation, they need to start small to where he can pay his half. If she wants more nice things she can get them for herself but she should not pressure him to forego his own financial goals (house, retirement, savings). Over time they can increase slowly with her paying a larger and larger portion if she feels comfortable. Sounds like he is working on certifications and he is financially responsible. Longer term they can align finances and goals. But whining and bitching about it now is no resolution at all. She is just destroying her chances of having this relationship. They just have very different values and goals at this time and neither should be forced to give up on theirs. 
 

And with Covid, she won’t be traveling for quite a while, and she won’t be eating out. So..there...problem solved 

You are absolutely correct about this! I don’t know why they cannot come up with a budget and compromise - Brett could divert some of his disposable income from some of his myriad hobbies and Olivia admitted she needs to rein in her spending anyway.

The real problem is that she is too rigid and he’s not going to bend either (at least for her anyway). She thinks he’s cheap and he thinks she’s frivolous. 

[Alexander Pope]

On 8/26/2020 at 7:21 PM, Brooklynista said:

Olivia a made it crystal clear that her money is exactly that and she isn't going to pay any part of her husband's way. What she needs is a travel partner, not a spouse. She's not here for becoming one unit. 

That's what really got me.  If it's so important to her that he come with her, pick up the tab! they are married, right? what's mine is yours, etc.  I was also surprised to learn that Olivia is in major debt, by her own account.  This makes me more sympathetic to Brett's insistence on a sensible budget.

[Soup333]

I will be foregoing the Brett bench this season but I sure as hell won’t be perched on one of Olivia’s antiques either. They’re like oil and water. 

As far as Woody/Amani, I am a little concerned about his stated desire for a honeymoon baby and this ex-girlfriend abortion reveal. I hope he isn’t trying to replace that pregnancy with another. 

[qtpye]

6 hours ago, gonecrackers said:

But that means he is good at his job... as a teevee 'counselor'.  They always send someone in to stir the pot & lately it's been him.

Bennett seems to think being a SAHD will be soooooooooo easy peasy he'll be able to pursue all his passions while Amelia brings home the bacon. What Bennett doesn't realize is someone has to cook up the bacon, among other things that will actually keep him quite busy with kids around, while she's working. Sometimes full-time-stay-at-home-parenthood can drain the shit out of creativity. Oh, but wait, the kids will ask to go to someone's house & Mr. Free Ranger will wonder why they're even asking & not playing with strangers (who they shouldn't be afraid of-no 'stranger danger' in their household) in the middle of a busy intersection for all he knows- so maybe the kids won't keep him too busy.

Ducking the tomatoes 'cuz these two irk me sometimes.

 

6 hours ago, humbleopinion said:

Don’t forget that Bennett will be selling Amelia’s jewelry at the Farmer’s Market on the weekends while the kids wander around Barefoot, wild hair, runny noses being watched over by the other vendors.....

I remember a House Hunters where a guy said he was a stay at home dad and all his male friends were jealous about how he "got such a sweet deal". Yes, it is a privilege now a days not to need a two income family, but being the homemaker and child care provider is exhausting and not the lady watching soaps and eating bon bons that a lot of people think it is. If they have kids while she is in residency, then he will be on his own a lot and it can be extremely lonely, particularly in a new city. I do love them both and hope they succeed.

2 hours ago, ShowFan said:

I understand where Olivia is coming from but she isn’t handling it well. My husband and i started together in college at the same min wage jobs. We always shared expenses and kept separate finances. Over time my income grew faster than his. We both like “nice things.” For a while we kept splitting the cost of those nice things in half until we reached a point where I was being held back from progressing the nice things. I chose to progressively foot larger and larger part of the bill because for me it was the experience and being together that mattered. We work equally hard (he actually works even harder than me) but I now make about 4 times more. Of course I pay for all nice things and he shares half of the basic things. And it works great!
 

Since Olivia and Brett don’t have the foundation, they need to start small to where he can pay his half. If she wants more nice things she can get them for herself but she should not pressure him to forego his own financial goals (house, retirement, savings). Over time they can increase slowly with her paying a larger and larger portion if she feels comfortable. Sounds like he is working on certifications and he is financially responsible. Longer term they can align finances and goals. But whining and bitching about it now is no resolution at all. She is just destroying her chances of having this relationship. They just have very different values and goals at this time and neither should be forced to give up on theirs. 
 

And with Covid, she won’t be traveling for quite a while, and she won’t be eating out. So..there...problem solved 

 

1 hour ago, Elizzikra said:

I disagree. I absolutely think they need to hit the big things like wanting to have kids or not; finances and approach to savings/spending; impending move; etc. I say this largely because I don't trust the experts to have done the basic work they would need to do to identify any showstoppers. Amani and Woody should talking about whether or not they have kids - if he does and she doesn't (or vice versa), figure that out now because it's likely a showstopper for one or both of them. The experts should have figured this out beforehand but I don't think they do and even if so, it's a conversation they need to have together.

When my mom was a kid, she wanted to be a flight attendant but could not. She only grew to barely 5 feet tall so they wouldn't hire her. Ironically, she never flew until she was about 55 years old. 

Once upon a time when there were few opportunities for women, being a flight attendant had a certain glamour. The most beautiful and talented women worked in first class and the passenger were often wealthy men. It is not unusual for a rich man of a certain age to be married to a former flight attendant. This is true of Kris Jenner and I think Kate Middleton's mom. In Almost Famous, his sister ran off to find freedom in the glamorous world of air hosting.

It is a very tough job and the golden days are long over. Xtina, acts like it is still an job of great luxury and privilege. It is great that she likes her job but she just seems a little stuck up about it. Though, she honestly seems a little stuck up about everything. 

[Alexander Pope]

9 hours ago, seacliffsal said:

I think Olivia really wants her money to be her money and that her husband would pay for everything else.  I was getting a lot of Jasmine vibes from her (I think that's the name of the woman who wanted her husband to pay for everything while she spent her own money [and he was having none of that]).  It's very telling that when Pastor Cal was there Olivia said that she told them what she wanted-someone with money.  Not someone who was caring, intelligent, funny, etc., but someone who made at least what she made (although she also earlier stated that she didn't care if her husband made less than she did).  She cares a lot about the income level of her husband.  I have come across many people who spend what they think they make and never really account for all of the deductions taken out of one's paycheck.  She knows what her salary is and may expect to be able to spend that amount, but what with various types of taxes and other deductions she may way overspend.  However, what shocked me the most about her statements what that she equates entertainment with living life.  She mentioned more than once that she didn't want to miss out on living life and having life experiences while connecting that with travel, etc.  What she doesn't understand is that living life means dealing with broken appliances, compromising with others, dealing with day-in/day-out routines and chores, etc.  She seems to think that travel and expensive meals are the only way of living life.  She actually seems quite immature to me (well, and selfish as she wants what she wants without consideration of her husband's ability to take on those expenses).  Move over on that bench for Team Brett...

Am I the only one who was bothered when everyone looked out their windows by widening the individual blinds rather than just pulling up the blinds?  That's how one gets bent blinds.

I think Bennett and Amelia are very aware of the cameras.  There was a look Amelia had when she first entered Bennett's detached bedroom (thanks previous poster for that insightful description of where he lived) which quickly changed to "I looooooove this..."  

I continue to really like Amani and am glad that Pastor Cal helped them work through their communication.  I'm also glad that he tried to help Amelia and Bennett understand that there may be future disagreements.  

I think that both Christina and Henry are showing their negative attributes because neither one of them is happy with the match.  

Overall, I thought Pastor Cal did well with the couples.

I couldn't agree more with what you're saying about Olivia's very limited view of what it means to live life, and now I'm thinking that she is going to have the hardest time of all handling quarantine!

[topanga]

7 hours ago, OnTime said:

Does this season seem boring? I don't find much excitement to it. 

At least there was entertainment last season, but this season it feels like nothing happens in two hours!

The episodes of drag sometimes, although this one didn’t. I was actually surprised when we’d already reached previews for next week. 

I do find that the contestants? Participants? are less interesting people (on the surface) than, say, Beth and Jamie or Shawniece  and Jepthe. And it’s not just an introvert/extrovert thing. Jephthe, Keith, and Danielle are all introverted, but they didn’t sit around all episode either not communicating or communicating badly. They weren’t the most animated people on the show, but you still got a sense of their personalities and their thoughts. Most of the people from this season confuse me. Every episode, I wonder if Karen, Henry, or Olivia could be depressed—Henry could also have anxiety or be on the autism spectrum. They are all so low-energy. You can throw Christina and Brett into the low-energy group as well. Are they all that unhappy with their matches, or are these their baseline personalities? Jeez. 
 

15 hours ago, Neurochick said:

ChristinA and Henry:  I'm glad Pastor Cal got Henry to finally open his mouth about his feelings for Christina.  He's angry with her but not showing it, which really bothers me.  I think about Iris and Keith.  One of the reasons I think Iris felt blindsided was because Keith never said a bad thing about Iris, which made Iris (and me) think that everything was okay.  So I'm glad Henry finally said what he felt about his wife.

Agreed. That always bothered me about Keith— he never expressed to Iris or the experts all of the concerns he’d discuss during his talking head interviews. But things aren’t looking good for ChristinA and Henry. 

[StatisticalOutlier]

22 hours ago, Straycat80 said:

Bennett and Amelia are a perfectly matched couple but I’m cringing every time I see how filthy his feet are and on that nice couch that’s not really theirs.

It looks to me like that black on the bottom of his feet might be permanent at this point, so maybe it doesn't rub off on the furniture.

22 hours ago, princelina said:

As if he won't move - she's not going to bag all that med school to sweep his tiny floor, and he needs her to complete her residency so she can be breadwinner. 

Exactly.  They will move wherever her residency takes her, and then they become just like everybody else--moving because of someone's job, or to be near family, or to try out a different location.  And they're actually liable to move less frequently than a lot of people, if she sets up a practice and never has to move for a job.

9 hours ago, Empress1 said:

Yep. I'm an excellent parallel parker. I liked that Amelia could do it - I know a lot of people who basically learned for the driver's test and never really did it again. My best friend and I once switched places in her car because she was trying to parallel park and kept fucking up, so I just did it.

Hell, I've been tempted to go up to a struggling stranger's window and say, "Do you want me to park your car for you?"  I like nothing more than sidling up to a parallel spot and having someone in the car with me say, "No way."  Challenge accepted!

 

14 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I don't think he meant to imply that she needed his permission to change her hairstyle even though she took it that way.  I think he wanted to say that he would appreciate it if she consulted or at least warned him first. 

That's how I took it at first--give him a heads up.  But when he started talking about whether he'd find her attractive without her hair or whatever, it changed for me.  That's more than asking for a heads-up--that's asking for a vote. 

11 hours ago, Neurochick said:

I do feel that if you're in a relationship with someone, not just dating them, that if you make a drastic change to your appearance, it should be talked out with your partner.  I mean if Woody came back with some ugly neck tattoo, Amani would be right to be pissed.  If you want to do what you want to do, 100%, then don't get married.

Or marry someone who wants you to have the hair you want to have, and who wouldn't be the type to get an ugly neck tattoo if that's not your jam.

9 hours ago, configdotsys said:

Amani and Woody giggling about not using protection. Unbelievable that these people are adults.

I can't believe that's not getting more comments.  If he was so traumatized by this previous girlfriend having an abortion without telling him, you'd think he'd want to be damn sure he doesn't get this stranger pregnant.  Shame on both of them for doing it, and double shame for giggling about it.

[OnTime]

8 hours ago, topanga said:

I do find that the contestants? Participants? are less interesting people (on the surface) than, say, Beth and Jamie or Shawniece  and Jepthe. And it’s not just an introvert/extrovert thing. Jephthe, Keith, and Danielle are all introverted, but they didn’t sit around all episode either not communicating or communicating badly. They weren’t the most animated people on the show, but you still got a sense of their personalities and their thoughts. Most of the people from this season confuse me. Every episode, I wonder if Karen, Henry, or Olivia could be depressed—Henry could also have anxiety or be on the autism spectrum. They are all so low-energy. You can throw Christina and Brett into the low-energy group as well. Are they all that unhappy with their matches, or are these their baseline personalities? Jeez. 

I have been thinking all season, "what is it about this group?" and you nailed it. They are all so low-energy!

[Boo Boo]

10 hours ago, Alexander Pope said:

That's what really got me.  If it's so important to her that he come with her, pick up the tab! they are married, right? what's mine is yours, etc.  I was also surprised to learn that Olivia is in major debt, by her own account.  This makes me more sympathetic to Brett's insistence on a sensible budget.

Did Oliva say "major debt"?  I thought I heard her say "I have debt" but "I pay all my bills."  She doesn't own, so she doesn't have housing debt.  Is "debt" her student loans?  Car payment?  Does she have credit card debt and when she says she "pays all my bills" does that mean she pays the minimum on a credit card bill, which would be absolutely the worst financial decision she could make.

On owning a home or not owning a home, if Olivia is planning to stay in New Orleans for a long time, owning a home would be wise.  She's been there for four years, which is a long time and why not buy a small house? Townhouse? Condo?  

The thing is, your house payment is often the same or less than rent and you get a bigger place on top of it.  My mortgage payment is less than a lot of apartment rentals and I have about 3000 square feet.  She would get a tax break too.

If this is a transition for her, a rental makes sense.

If they met the traditional way and fell in love and got married, they could move into his place, split the cost of the home and then do the things they want to do together.  Two can live more cheaply than one.

Or they can do alike a lot of couples -- have a joint account where you contribute a % to the bills, have separate accounts where she can spend whatever money she wants.  

 

 

[Empress1]

7 minutes ago, Boo Boo said:

Did Oliva say "major debt"?  I thought I heard her say "I have debt" but "I pay all my bills."  She doesn't own, so she doesn't have housing debt.  Is "debt" her student loans?  Car payment?  Does she have credit card debt and when she says she "pays all my bills" does that mean she pays the minimum on a credit card bill, which would be absolutely the worst financial decision she could make.

She said she wanted Brett to help her do a budget because she had debt that she wanted to "get down." I'm assuming credit card debt because people don't tend to talk about car payments in terms of debt; they tend to categorize it as part of their transportation budget. (Same with a mortgage - Brett has debt from his house but mortgages are rarely described as being in debt.) Could be student loans (I usually assume people have student loans, as most people I know in my/their generation either have had them or still have them).

Like, if in their household they had two car payments, a mortgage, student loans, and credit card debt, the credit card debt is the one they should focus on paying off first and most aggressively. And really, if Olivia makes six figures, odds are good that she shouldn't need to carry a balance - she's likely not in an "I need to use my credit card to buy groceries because I live paycheck to paycheck" position. Whatever her financial issues are are the result of a spending problem, not an income problem.

[cinsays]

8 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

I can't believe that's not getting more comments.  If he was so traumatized by this previous girlfriend having an abortion without telling him, you'd think he'd want to be damn sure he doesn't get this stranger pregnant.  Shame on both of them for doing it, and double shame for giggling about it.

Yeah, this was a careless move on their part and I am glad Cal brought it up and let them know it was irresponsible.

17 minutes ago, Boo Boo said:

Did Oliva say "major debt"?  I thought I heard her say "I have debt" but "I pay all my bills."  She doesn't own, so she doesn't have housing debt.  Is "debt" her student loans?  Car payment?  Does she have credit card debt and when she says she "pays all my bills" does that mean she pays the minimum on a credit card bill, which would be absolutely the worst financial decision she could make.

On owning a home or not owning a home, if Olivia is planning to stay in New Orleans for a long time, owning a home would be wise.  She's been there for four years, which is a long time and why not buy a small house? Townhouse? Condo?  

The thing is, your house payment is often the same or less than rent and you get a bigger place on top of it.  My mortgage payment is less than a lot of apartment rentals and I have about 3000 square feet.  She would get a tax break too.

If this is a transition for her, a rental makes sense.

If they met the traditional way and fell in love and got married, they could move into his place, split the cost of the home and then do the things they want to do together.  Two can live more cheaply than one.

Or they can do alike a lot of couples -- have a joint account where you contribute a % to the bills, have separate accounts where she can spend whatever money she wants.  

 

 

I don't see Olivia ever willing to move into his place - she thought it beneath her standards.

And, no way would Brett want to have a joint account with her.

But, no worries, they are not into each other and that is not going to change.

[Boo Boo]

27 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

She said she wanted Brett to help her do a budget because she had debt that she wanted to "get down." I'm assuming credit card debt because people don't tend to talk about car payments in terms of debt; they tend to categorize it as part of their transportation budget. (Same with a mortgage - Brett has debt from his house but mortgages are rarely described as being in debt.) Could be student loans (I usually assume people have student loans, as most people I know in my/their generation either have had them or still have them).

Like, if in their household they had two car payments, a mortgage, student loans, and credit card debt, the credit card debt is the one they should focus on paying off first and most aggressively. And really, if Olivia makes six figures, odds are good that she shouldn't need to carry a balance - she's likely not in an "I need to use my credit card to buy groceries because I live paycheck to paycheck" position. Whatever her financial issues are are the result of a spending problem, not an income problem.

Right.  If she's making a good living and has credit card debt, she's an idiot.  I use my credit card for almost everything b/c I like the rebates, but I pay off the bill, in total, every single month.  Presumably, being a singleton making a good living, she's got a lot of disposable income.  Is she not living within her means?  That would concern me if I were Brett too.

If she can't do that, she needs to cut down on eating out, expensive wine, and take less expensive vacations.

That's what I said in one of the threads -- there are some people that have high salaries but also carry a lot of debt.  There are others like Brett who don't make as much but have a healthier bank account.

I also wonder what type of IT specialist Brett is where he doesn't make a lot.  Is this just producer shenanigans in that the storyline is she makes more, he's poor.  Is he not degreed?  Not certified? She said he's going to get another certification?  If he's in that field, he could eventually make more than she does.  So if he isn't, there's another question of whether he's as ambitious as she is.  

Edited August 28, 2020 by Boo Boo

[gonecrackers]

11 minutes ago, Boo Boo said:

I also wonder what type of IT specialist Brett is where he doesn't make a lot.  Is this just producer shenanigans in that the storyline is she makes more, he's poor.  Is he not degreed?  Not certified? She said he's going to get another certification?  If he's in that field, he could eventually make more than she does.  So if he isn't, there's another question of whether he's as ambitious as she is.  

For anyone interested in this topic specifically:

Spoiler

With regard to Brett's finances & whether it's production driven, I'm just passing along some Reddit chatter again - seems Brett is there & actively posting. He's consistently pointing out how the show has defined a narrative for him reg. his financial situation & he's bound by an NDA to not dispute it.

If true, maybe he'll have more room for discussion about it when the season ends.

 

Edited August 28, 2020 by gonecrackers

[Soup333]

Just now, gonecrackers said:

  Hide contents

With regard to Brett's finances & whether it's production driven, I'm just passing along some Reddit chatter again - seems Brett is there & actively posting. He's consistently pointing out how the show has defined a narrative for him reg. his financial situation & he's bound by an NDA to not dispute it.

If true, maybe he'll have more room for discussion about it when the season ends.

 

Spoiler

I suspect Brett is popping up in a lot of places defending himself. He's pulling a Brandon/Michael card and defending his asshole behavior in real time with the show.

 

[configdotsys]

12 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

The real problem is that she is too rigid and he’s not going to bend either (at least for her anyway). She thinks he’s cheap and he thinks she’s frivolous. 

I think it is more than just spending, too. If Olivia came home with a $200, distressed looking lamp for the table, she'd be tickled to death and every time he looked at that lamp he'd be thinking that she could have gotten a lamp at the discount store for $12.99. I can relate to that as I'm not an antique, or a tchotchkes type person at all. If we needed a lamp, I'd want something that matched, but that kind of spending is not compatible with me. 

35 minutes ago, Boo Boo said:

Did Oliva say "major debt"?  I thought I heard her say "I have debt" but "I pay all my bills."  She doesn't own, so she doesn't have housing debt.  Is "debt" her student loans?  Car payment?  Does she have credit card debt and when she says she "pays all my bills" does that mean she pays the minimum on a credit card bill, which would be absolutely the worst financial decision she could make.

On owning a home or not owning a home, if Olivia is planning to stay in New Orleans for a long time, owning a home would be wise.  She's been there for four years, which is a long time and why not buy a small house? Townhouse? Condo?  

The thing is, your house payment is often the same or less than rent and you get a bigger place on top of it.  My mortgage payment is less than a lot of apartment rentals and I have about 3000 square feet.  She would get a tax break too.

If this is a transition for her, a rental makes sense.

If they met the traditional way and fell in love and got married, they could move into his place, split the cost of the home and then do the things they want to do together.  Two can live more cheaply than one.

Or they can do alike a lot of couples -- have a joint account where you contribute a % to the bills, have separate accounts where she can spend whatever money she wants.  

 

 

It makes sense for her even if she is not in transition. She lives in an area that she cannot afford to purchase anything so she prefers to rent there. It's not much different than buying a BMW for $50k, when a Honda Accord will do the same work for less than half the cost. The tax breaks, potential for more space, etc. mean nothing to her if her preference is to live in that particular area. There are a lot of hospitals around the NYC area and many nurses here rent in nice areas that are relatively close to where they work. Sure, they could probably buy a condo somewhere in the boroughs but the commute would be exhausting, the area might not be the greatest, etc. Olivia seems quite rigid and wants what she wants. She will definitely need to find someone like her if she wants a successful relationship. I'm sure she is like this with other things as well. Brett seems the type that would be perfectly happy with living room furniture from Bob's Discount Furniture, while Olivia would never dream of such a thing. 

 

[gonecrackers]

2 minutes ago, Soup333 said:

  Hide contents

I suspect Brett is popping up in a lot of places defending himself. He's pulling a Brandon/Michael card and defending his asshole behavior in real time with the show.

 

Could definitely be the case. At least he's posting as himself & not his cat (reference to Katie using her dog to defend herself on SM during her season LOL).

Edited August 28, 2020 by gonecrackers

[Boo Boo]

6 minutes ago, configdotsys said:

I think it is more than just spending, too. If Olivia came home with a $200, distressed looking lamp for the table, she'd be tickled to death and every time he looked at that lamp he'd be thinking that she could have gotten a lamp at the discount store for $12.99. I can relate to that as I'm not an antique, or a tchotchkes type person at all. If we needed a lamp, I'd want something that matched, but that kind of spending is not compatible with me. 

It makes sense for her even if she is not in transition. She lives in an area that she cannot afford to purchase anything so she prefers to rent there. It's not much different than buying a BMW for $50k, when a Honda Accord will do the same work for less than half the cost. The tax breaks, potential for more space, etc. mean nothing to her if her preference is to live in that particular area. There are a lot of hospitals around the NYC area and many nurses here rent in nice areas that are relatively close to where they work. Sure, they could probably buy a condo somewhere in the boroughs but the commute would be exhausting, the area might not be the greatest, etc. Olivia seems quite rigid and wants what she wants. She will definitely need to find someone like her if she wants a successful relationship. I'm sure she is like this with other things as well. Brett seems the type that would be perfectly happy with living room furniture from Bob's Discount Furniture, while Olivia would never dream of such a thing. 

 

Yeah, that's a good point if she can't buy where she wants.  

[brilliantbreakfast]

On 8/27/2020 at 10:43 AM, Elizzikra said:

My husband is a self-described (and proud!) cheapskate. He earns a great salary. I earn an ok salary and I'm a spender. We get along great but it's mostly because I realized I'm not as responsible with money as I'd like to be and he motivates me to be more responsible and save. At the same time, I motivate him to sometimes splurge a little on himself and not feel guilty about it. We also maintain separate bank accounts so we have some amount of discretionary money that we don't have to answer for. We are looking at retiring early as a result of his efforts. I think opposites like us can work really effectively together but there has to be a lot of open discussion and mutual respect. And, maybe most importantly, we knew these things about each other before we got married and we are comfortable with it - and even grateful for it.

Bennett may change too as he gets older.  I met my husband when we both were 28 and while he wasn't as creative as Bennett, he too lived in chaos and didn't concern himself with money matters. He and his then-roommate would wait till the power was cut off to pay the bill.  But I was as smitten with him as Amelia is with Bennett because my husband was quirky and cynical in the same way I was and with the same snarky sense of humor.  I think this is why I am so smitten with them -- they remind me of my own past.

My husband ended up scrambling mightly and building a decent, if unspectacular career as a computer network engineer, largely self-taught. I always made more than he did, and what we found worked was for him to be on the "all-inclusive plan."  He gave me an agreed-upon sum out of every paycheck, keeping his own bank account, and I handled everything -- the household bills, car maintenance, even vacations.  It worked for both of us. 

When he became ill with cancer in his late 50s  and depressed, he lamented how he'd aged out of the career he's struggled so hard to build and what a failure he felt like. I told him that I had never pushed him to be anything other than who he was when I met him, that HE decided to get motivated, and he said "I wanted to be the man that you deserve."  I still cry when I think about that and he's been dead almost 7 years now.  Because his career caused him little but frustration even though he was so good at it. Because the truth is that what he was cut out to be was the world's oldest living adolescent.  The question is whether we would have lasted 30 years if he had stayed that way. A high stress job such as Amelia is planning can make that fun-loving Peter Pan Boy grate on your nerves after a few 80-hour weeks.

[configdotsys]

16 minutes ago, Boo Boo said:

I also wonder what type of IT specialist Brett is where he doesn't make a lot.  Is this just producer shenanigans in that the storyline is she makes more, he's poor.  Is he not degreed?  Not certified? She said he's going to get another certification?  If he's in that field, he could eventually make more than she does.  So if he isn't, there's another question of whether he's as ambitious as she is.  

I've worked in IT for over 30 years. There are tons of support roles that do not pay well. Under Brett's name this week, at one point it said, Systems Administrator. I was a SysAdmin back in the day and while it was a few steps above Level 1 support, it was not glamorous or high paying. Olivia said he was working on getting certifications. I did not hear her or him say that he already had any. He may be a lower level support person or sysadmin in government and is looking to get certifications to move up in title and responsibilities. Whatever he is earning now, he is certainly managing it well and may very well be one of those people who demonstrates that you don't have to make a fortune to have a relatively secure life, you just have to prioritize and make good spending choices. 

[Boo Boo]

3 minutes ago, configdotsys said:

I've worked in IT for over 30 years. There are tons of support roles that do not pay well. Under Brett's name this week, at one point it said, Systems Administrator. I was a SysAdmin back in the day and while it was a few steps above Level 1 support, it was not glamorous or high paying. Olivia said he was working on getting certifications. I did not hear her or him say that he already had any. He may be a lower level support person or sysadmin in government and is looking to get certifications to move up in title and responsibilities. Whatever he is earning now, he is certainly managing it well and may very well be one of those people who demonstrates that you don't have to make a fortune to have a relatively secure life, you just have to prioritize and make good spending choices. 

Exactly.  There are former mailmen that die millionaires.  Live within your means, invest well.

[ECM1231]

19 hours ago, Neurochick said:

But what are his interests?  

His cat, working out, cooking healthy meals. I especially loved that he volunteers at an animal shelter.  Anyone who does that can't be all bad in my book!

[Empress1]

12 minutes ago, Boo Boo said:

I also wonder what type of IT specialist Brett is where he doesn't make a lot.  Is this just producer shenanigans in that the storyline is she makes more, he's poor.  Is he not degreed?  Not certified? She said he's going to get another certification?  If he's in that field, he could eventually make more than she does.  So if he isn't, there's another question of whether he's as ambitious as she is.  

I wonder that too because IT can be really lucrative but the category of IT is really broad. I think he has a government job, which doesn't pay as well as the private sector. He said he works 40 hours a week, full stop, no overtime, so maybe he's the kind of person who is fine with making "enough" and values work/life balance. I've known folks in IT who work constantly because if shit breaks in the middle of the night, they have to deal with it. Maybe Brett isn't about that life. The show seems to be painting him as poor. I don't think he is; he clearly has enough for all his needs and wants. "Makes less than Olivia/can't afford season football tickets" isn't the same as poor. I would guess Woody, Amani, and Miles don't make a ton because education isn't known for paying high salaries, and the show hasn't spun this narrative with them. (I would bet Karen makes more than Miles.)

2 minutes ago, brilliantbreakfast said:

A high stress job such as Amelia is planning can make that fun-loving Peter Pan Boy grate on your nerves after a few 80-hour weeks.

Bennett and Amelia seem to have the kind of attitude where if the kids don't bathe for a few days or they eat Cheetos for dinner, they're going to be OK with it, but the only thing that would give me pause about Bennett (well, he's not my type at all, but you know what I mean) is that he does seem kind of childlike. Like, he will be the kind of dad that will build forts and write and perform skits with his kids and that is fantastic, but is he also going to make sure the bills are paid, given his "immature relationship with money?" Actually, come to think of it, Amelia said Bennett explained credit cards to her at their first meeting, so maybe neither of them know much about money.

Just now, configdotsys said:

It makes sense for her even if she is not in transition. She lives in an area that she cannot afford to purchase anything so she prefers to rent there. It's not much different than buying a BMW for $50k, when a Honda Accord will do the same work for less than half the cost. The tax breaks, potential for more space, etc. mean nothing to her if her preference is to live in that particular area. 

Brett even said that he loved the neighborhood Olivia's house was in and enjoyed renting there when he was renting, but he couldn't afford to buy there so he lives in whatever neighborhood he lives in. He and Olivia just have different priorities - his was home ownership, hers is living in that area. 

[Retired at last]

I also remember hearing that Brett has a government IT position. If that is the case, then his salary is most likely much less than he could get in the private sector, but he may be in it for the long term benefits and retirement income. If you get into a government position early enough, you can work for 20 years, be able to get full benefits, retire from the gov't and then work for much more money as a contractor or in the private sector.

[Elizzikra]

Quote

hen he will be on his own a lot and it can be extremely lonely,

Bennett seems pretty extroverted and I picture his house being the one to host all the playdates because there's a rockin' dress up box and they get to put on plays and bang on all the musical instruments and fingerpaint on all the walls. I'll bet he has friends in no time, especially if they have kids.

Quote

 

The thing is, your house payment is often the same or less than rent and you get a bigger place on top of it.  My mortgage payment is less than a lot of apartment rentals and I have about 3000 square feet.  She would get a tax break too.

If this is a transition for her, a rental makes sense.

 

I wanted to own my own home from the time I graduated college onward. The advice I got, that I think was really sound, is that you shouldn't buy unless you are planning to stay five years or more. Even when property values go up, you don't really get your money back out of it in less time. But if you are going to put in a good five years or more, it often makes sense to buy for exactly the reasons you note. 

I think that NYC and other high rent areas (like San Francisco) are maybe a little different because the housing costs are so incredibly high and often what you can afford to buy is nothing that you would want to live in. 

[qtpye]

9 hours ago, topanga said:

The episodes of drag sometimes, although this one didn’t. I was actually surprised when we’d already reached previews for next week. 

I do find that the contestants? Participants? are less interesting people (on the surface) than, say, Beth and Jamie or Shawniece  and Jepthe. And it’s not just an introvert/extrovert thing. Jephthe, Keith, and Danielle are all introverted, but they didn’t sit around all episode either not communicating or communicating badly. They weren’t the most animated people on the show, but you still got a sense of their personalities and their thoughts. Most of the people from this season confuse me. Every episode, I wonder if Karen, Henry, or Olivia could be depressed—Henry could also have anxiety or be on the autism spectrum. They are all so low-energy. You can throw Christina and Brett into the low-energy group as well. Are they all that unhappy with their matches, or are these their baseline personalities? Jeez. 
 

Agreed. That always bothered me about Keith— he never expressed to Iris or the experts all of the concerns he’d discuss during his talking head interviews. But things aren’t looking good for ChristinA and Henry. 

Iris seemed totally blind sided that he wanted out of the relationship. He also continued to see her after the show, probably to be nice, but it kind of gave her false hope. We saw and heard his frustration but Iris did not know because:

1. Keith is a little too much of a gentleman to say something like that to her, even though this is bad communication

2. Iris is a little socially clueless

My husband just recently shaved his head without telling me. Did it because it was getting harder and harder to get to the barber with the pandemic.

He looks awful. Not surprisingly, his friend with the receding hairline encouraged him to do it.

HE is much more concerned with my appearance than I am with his. I go some of those magnetic false eyelashes just on a lark. My husband said I look awful and had big todo about how trashy they looked...like a shaved head is classy.

However, he is not particularly controlling about how I look in general...he just hated those eyelashes.

I don't think Woody is controlling but looking good is important to him. I imagine that he is the type of guy who happily pays for hair dressing and manicure appointments, because it keeps his lady looking sharp. However, I do think he was trying to make a different point (couples should talk about decisions) but it just was not coming across with the shaved head analogy. 

 

[StatisticalOutlier]

33 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

I wonder that too because IT can be really lucrative but the category of IT is really broad. I think he has a government job, which doesn't pay as well as the private sector. He said he works 40 hours a week, full stop, no overtime, so maybe he's the kind of person who is fine with making "enough" and values work/life balance.

I heard him say he works 8 to 4 every day.  Assuming he has a lunch hour, he's working even less than 40 hours a week.  If he's content with his government salary with benefits, making enough to save for retirement, and has the amount of free time he wants, I think he's doing pretty well.

[qtpye]

45 minutes ago, brilliantbreakfast said:

Bennett may change too as he gets older.  I met my husband when we both were 28 and while he wasn't as creative as Bennett, he too lived in chaos and didn't concern himself with money matters. He and his then-roommate would wait till the power was cut off to pay the bill.  But I was as smitten with him as Amelia is with Bennett because my husband was quirky and cynical in the same way I was and with the same snarky sense of humor.  I think this is why I am so smitten with them -- they remind me of my own past.

My husband ended up scrambling mightly and building a decent, if unspectacular career as a computer network engineer, largely self-taught. I always made more than he did, and what we found worked was for him to be on the "all-inclusive plan."  He gave me an agreed-upon sum out of every paycheck, keeping his own bank account, and I handled everything -- the household bills, car maintenance, even vacations.  It worked for both of us. 

When he became ill with cancer in his late 50s  and depressed, he lamented how he'd aged out of the career he's struggled so hard to build and what a failure he felt like. I told him that I had never pushed him to be anything other than who he was when I met him, that HE decided to get motivated, and he said "I wanted to be the man that you deserve."  I still cry when I think about that and he's been dead almost 7 years now.  Because his career caused him little but frustration even though he was so good at it. Because the truth is that what he was cut out to be was the world's oldest living adolescent.  The question is whether we would have lasted 30 years if he had stayed that way. A high stress job such as Amelia is planning can make that fun-loving Peter Pan Boy grate on your nerves after a few 80-hour weeks.

I am sorry for your loss.  Thank you for sharing your beautiful story.

45 minutes ago, configdotsys said:

I've worked in IT for over 30 years. There are tons of support roles that do not pay well. Under Brett's name this week, at one point it said, Systems Administrator. I was a SysAdmin back in the day and while it was a few steps above Level 1 support, it was not glamorous or high paying. Olivia said he was working on getting certifications. I did not hear her or him say that he already had any. He may be a lower level support person or sysadmin in government and is looking to get certifications to move up in title and responsibilities. Whatever he is earning now, he is certainly managing it well and may very well be one of those people who demonstrates that you don't have to make a fortune to have a relatively secure life, you just have to prioritize and make good spending choices. 

I noticed Olivia pointed out that he is studying for certifications. I don't know his ambition level but he might be fine just where he is because he can manage his money and live relatively stress free. If they stay married (fat chance) I imagine she will be pushing him to make more of himself and he will resent her big time. Do you get the feeling that the show also thought Olivia was a bit of a dowdy cat lady and did not think that she would be like this? I mean if she was looking for a man of means that could keep up with her lifestyle...why the Hell would they match her up with Brett, who is very careful with his money and makes less than half what she does? I guess the answer is DRAMA.

24 minutes ago, Elizzikra said:

Bennett seems pretty extroverted and I picture his house being the one to host all the playdates because there's a rockin' dress up box and they get to put on plays and bang on all the musical instruments and fingerpaint on all the walls. I'll bet he has friends in no time, especially if they have kids.

I wanted to own my own home from the time I graduated college onward. The advice I got, that I think was really sound, is that you shouldn't buy unless you are planning to stay five years or more. Even when property values go up, you don't really get your money back out of it in less time. But if you are going to put in a good five years or more, it often makes sense to buy for exactly the reasons you note. 

I think that NYC and other high rent areas (like San Francisco) are maybe a little different because the housing costs are so incredibly high and often what you can afford to buy is nothing that you would want to live in. 

This video gives you a good idea of why it is so difficult to buy in NYC.

[Boo Boo]

1 hour ago, Retired at last said:

I also remember hearing that Brett has a government IT position. If that is the case, then his salary is most likely much less than he could get in the private sector, but he may be in it for the long term benefits and retirement income. If you get into a government position early enough, you can work for 20 years, be able to get full benefits, retire from the gov't and then work for much more money as a contractor or in the private sector.

That's exactly what I said in the other episode post -- his salary might not be great, but the benefits could make up for that.   

[Boo Boo]

2 hours ago, brilliantbreakfast said:

Bennett may change too as he gets older.  I met my husband when we both were 28 and while he wasn't as creative as Bennett, he too lived in chaos and didn't concern himself with money matters. He and his then-roommate would wait till the power was cut off to pay the bill.  But I was as smitten with him as Amelia is with Bennett because my husband was quirky and cynical in the same way I was and with the same snarky sense of humor.  I think this is why I am so smitten with them -- they remind me of my own past.

My husband ended up scrambling mightly and building a decent, if unspectacular career as a computer network engineer, largely self-taught. I always made more than he did, and what we found worked was for him to be on the "all-inclusive plan."  He gave me an agreed-upon sum out of every paycheck, keeping his own bank account, and I handled everything -- the household bills, car maintenance, even vacations.  It worked for both of us. 

When he became ill with cancer in his late 50s  and depressed, he lamented how he'd aged out of the career he's struggled so hard to build and what a failure he felt like. I told him that I had never pushed him to be anything other than who he was when I met him, that HE decided to get motivated, and he said "I wanted to be the man that you deserve."  I still cry when I think about that and he's been dead almost 7 years now.  Because his career caused him little but frustration even though he was so good at it. Because the truth is that what he was cut out to be was the world's oldest living adolescent.  The question is whether we would have lasted 30 years if he had stayed that way. A high stress job such as Amelia is planning can make that fun-loving Peter Pan Boy grate on your nerves after a few 80-hour weeks.

So sorry about your hubby.  And I love how you responded to his aging out of a career.  

[Ilovepie]

1 hour ago, qtpye said:

I don't think Woody is controlling but looking good is important to him. I imagine that he is the type of guy who happily pays for hair dressing and manicure appointments, because it keeps his lady looking sharp. However, I do think he was trying to make a different point (couples should talk about decisions) but it just was not coming across with the shaved head analogy. 

I agree - I do think Woody cares about his wife’s appearance, but trying to compare a gf getting an abortion to a wife getting a haircut is not analogous! I am glad he clarified where he was coming from because he was digging himself into a very deep hole!

Also, maybe I am alone on my own island here, but I do not, never have, nor never will discuss my hair decisions with my husband. It’s my fucking head and I am the one who has to style it daily. I have also in the last year or so gotten two tattoos. Does he like tattoos? No he does not. But did he say don’t do it? No he did not. Smart man. We have been married 22 years.😋

[humbleopinion]

Olivia doesn't have to look further than AJ/SexyAF as an example of a spouse getting their stranger to travel and "living life".

AJ owns his place as does Brett.

SexyAF had room mates in an apt so she was renting as is Olivia.

The couple went on 4 very nice trip in the past year before Covid hit and killed AJ's job.

He had to rely on Steph picking up expenses as he starts a new career path.

They are adjusting to life's circumstances....

[humbleopinion]

Woodrow was flailing in that hair conversation.

Amani was gracious enough to look into the hole her husband dug and said "That's deep" so she threw him a lifeline...

[Rae Spellman]

2 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

I heard him say he works 8 to 4 every day.  Assuming he has a lunch hour, he's working even less than 40 hours a week.  If he's content with his government salary with benefits, making enough to save for retirement, and has the amount of free time he wants, I think he's doing pretty well.

My guess is that he has an unpaid 30 minute lunch, works 37.5 hours/week, and the retirement savings is in addition to what he and his employer are already automatically contributing to his pension.

I wouldn't be surprised if they are comparing Brett's take home income after any number of deductions are taken out to  Olivia's gross income with overtime. Brett seems to make enough to live a perfectly fine middle class life. Olivia apparently spends more than she makes. 

31 minutes ago, humbleopinion said:

Woodrow was flailing in that hair conversation. Amani was gracious enough to look into the hole her husband dug and said "That's deep" so she threw him a lifeline.

On an episode of Unfiltered, Woody mentioned that Amani's catch phrase is one of his pet peeves.

[Boo Boo]

1 hour ago, Ilovepie said:

I agree - I do think Woody cares about his wife’s appearance, but trying to compare a gf getting an abortion to a wife getting a haircut is not analogous! I am glad he clarified where he was coming from because he was digging himself into a very deep hole!

Also, maybe I am alone on my own island here, but I do not, never have, nor never will discuss my hair decisions with my husband. It’s my fucking head and I am the one who has to style it daily. I have also in the last year or so gotten two tattoos. Does he like tattoos? No he does not. But did he say don’t do it? No he did not. Smart man. We have been married 22 years.😋

I gotta be honest.  My boyfriend is a silver fox.  I love his gray hair so much.  If he dyed it, I would feel like Woody.  It would look ridiculous and my attraction to him would be over and I would pretend I have COVID-19 for the next month until it grows out! 😉. 

I've never asked him for permission about my hair, but I have asked him what he would think if I dyed it darker.  Or cut it shorter.  Ultimately, it's my decision but again, I would be crushed if he did anything to his beautiful silver hair!

Edited August 28, 2020 by Boo Boo

[Neurochick]

16 hours ago, ShowFan said:

When I watch the show knowing that Covid lockdown is approaching I can’t help but adore their pure childish innocence! Olivia with her “I want to go to football games and travel”...no honey, you don’t. You’ll be working your tail off and there will be no games and travel. 
 

And Bennett with his “but I have a theater company” yeah good luck with that

Someone said here they wish there was a Covid countdown at the bottom of the screen. Such a great idea!

That would be interesting.  But someday, COVID will end.

Edited August 28, 2020 by Neurochick

[Neurochick]

1 hour ago, Ilovepie said:

I agree - I do think Woody cares about his wife’s appearance, but trying to compare a gf getting an abortion to a wife getting a haircut is not analogous! I am glad he clarified where he was coming from because he was digging himself into a very deep hole!

That is what Pastor Cal was wondering about.  He sensed that it wasn't about hair, that it was something deeper.  Even I sensed that it wasn't about hair.

[Boo Boo]

3 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

Bennett seems pretty extroverted and I picture his house being the one to host all the playdates because there's a rockin' dress up box and they get to put on plays and bang on all the musical instruments and fingerpaint on all the walls. I'll bet he has friends in no time, especially if they have kids.

I wanted to own my own home from the time I graduated college onward. The advice I got, that I think was really sound, is that you shouldn't buy unless you are planning to stay five years or more. Even when property values go up, you don't really get your money back out of it in less time. But if you are going to put in a good five years or more, it often makes sense to buy for exactly the reasons you note. 

I think that NYC and other high rent areas (like San Francisco) are maybe a little different because the housing costs are so incredibly high and often what you can afford to buy is nothing that you would want to live in. 

Yes, someone mentioned that about depending on where you live!  That makes sense.

 

[Boo Boo]

1 hour ago, humbleopinion said:

Olivia doesn't have to look further than AJ/SexyAF as an example of a spouse getting their stranger to travel and "living life".

AJ owns his place as does Brett.

SexyAF had room mates in an apt so she was renting as is Olivia.

The couple went on 4 very nice trip in the past year before Covid hit and killed AJ's job.

He had to rely on Steph picking up expenses as he starts a new career path.

They are adjusting to life's circumstances....

SexyAF has hands down the worst eyebrows!

[spunky]

On 8/26/2020 at 8:58 PM, humbleopinion said:

I'll move over and make room for you on the bench....

May I sit on the Brett liking bench as well? This episode was a game changer for me.

[Boo Boo]

7 minutes ago, spunky said:

May I sit on the Brett liking bench as well? This episode was a game changer for me.

I thought he was an absolute asshole the first couple of episodes, but he's growing on me.  Especially with his kitty!

 

[spunky]

1 minute ago, Boo Boo said:

I thought he was an absolute asshole the first couple of episodes, but he's growing on me.  Especially with his kitty!

 

He's definitely growing on me as well. Sometimes sarcastic people can come across as harsh without intending to be. 

[Ilovepie]

38 minutes ago, Boo Boo said:

I gotta be honest.  My boyfriend is a silver fox.  I love his gray hair so much.  If he dyed it, I would feel like Woody. 

That's so funny - my husband too! He started going gray in his late twenties (he said it was when he married me! ;-p) and when he got to his forties he couldn't stand it any more and started dying it. He just turned 50 last December. I personally think he looks better naturally silver, but just like I don't invite opinions on my hair, he is free to keep wasting his time and money with his Just for Men..........

[TheMediumBopper]

8 minutes ago, Boo Boo said:

I thought he was an absolute asshole the first couple of episodes, but he's growing on me.  Especially with his kitty!

 

That's for sure The kitty clearly adores him, and cats are good judges of character. 😉

[Boo Boo]

Just now, Ilovepie said:

That's so funny - my husband too! He started going gray in his late twenties (he said it was when he married me! ;-p) and when he got to his forties he couldn't stand it any more and started dying it. He just turned 50 last December. I personally think he looks better naturally silver, but just like I don't invite opinions on my hair, he is free to keep wasting his time and money with his Just for Men..........

LOL, fortunately boyfriend isn't considering it.  And I've mentioned millions of times "I just love your hair..."  I wish my hair was totally gray like his so I could stop dying it!

[configdotsys]

I found a document that lists government jobs and their pay rates in NO.

https://www.nola.gov/getattachment/Civil-Service/Classification-and-Compensation/Pay-Plan-(1)/Pay-Plan-Eff-6-7-20-(PDF)-(1).pdf/?lang=en-US

There is no System Administrator listed (which did not surprise me, I had never heard that title mentioned in a gov't job) but here are a few IT jobs with their minimum, maximum and the rate you get when hired. Way, way back in the day, I used to work for the NY court system. When you were hired, you were hired at a Grade and Step. Every year, you could advance a step and after whole bunch of steps, you could move up a grade. It took a long, long time for the salary to get from the minimum to the maximum:

Senior Systems Applications Operator: Min: $41.925, Max: $68,909. Rate when hired: $46,306
Systems Application Operator: Min: $38,914 Max: $63,960  Rate when hired: $42,980.
Technical Administrator: $44.061 Max: $72,420, Rate when hired rate: $53,750
Technical Specialist: Min: $37,959 Max: $62,390. Rate when hired: $46,306
 

I highly doubt he is in a "senior" position. I also left off supervisor jobs because I think the show definitely would have said "supervisor" in their description of his job.

Edited to add: there are two Systems Admin positions but they are specific: Financial Systems Admin and Geographic Location Systems Admin. Both pay a minimum of about $80k, so I'd say it is not that.

Edited August 28, 2020 by configdotsys

[humbleopinion]

1 hour ago, spunky said:

May I sit on the Brett liking bench as well? This episode was a game changer for me.

Everyone...scoot over.

1 hour ago, Boo Boo said:

I thought he was an absolute asshole the first couple of episodes, but he's growing on me.  Especially with his kitty!

 

Plenty of room to rest your cheeks, welcome to the bench.

[gumbo]

6 hours ago, gonecrackers said:

For anyone interested in this topic specifically:

  Hide contents

With regard to Brett's finances & whether it's production driven, I'm just passing along some Reddit chatter again - seems Brett is there & actively posting. He's consistently pointing out how the show has defined a narrative for him reg. his financial situation & he's bound by an NDA to not dispute it.

If true, maybe he'll have more room for discussion about it when the season ends.

 

please could I have a link to the reddit thread

[humbleopinion]

On 8/27/2020 at 8:15 AM, Elizzikra said:

It's a tiny car - much easier. But ok - yes - good job on the parallel parking. I suck at it.

Expected 20 clowns to come pouring out of the Mini Cooper when she and Benne exited the car.....

[configdotsys]

I was going to ask for a spot on the Brett bench too but will wait. I think he's just as smug of an asshole about things as Olivia but she can't hide her facial expressions so she looks worse than he does. Putting someone down in such an insulting way for the way they handle their own finances is such a no-no in my book. You can explain your way of thinking without being an asshole about it. And you know what? If she's an unbending spender and he's an unbending saver, then fine, declare yourselves a mismatch, enjoy your lives and move on. Don't stick around and insult the other person because you're pissed that you weren't matched with someone of like mind. 

Of course that won't happen because it's a show but it just makes me crazy when people get "mad" at others for doing things differently than they do, i.e., "Why don't they save? Why don't they buy a house? They're wasting money renting. They spend too much on X. Why waste money on vacations when you can buy tangible stuff? I don't understand why people....." It's no one's place to understand why others do what they do. Everyone designs their life around what works for them. Then comes the part where you try to find someone with as many compatibilities as possible. 

[essexjan]

I'm not particularly keen on Brett or Olivia, but I'm on Team Brett this week. Olivia may earn more than him, but she's spending more than she can afford if she's in debt.  I know it's not unusual to have credit card debt, but I get the impression Olivia's been spoiled and always got what she wanted growing up, so she doesn't see why she can't have it all now, even if it means paying a shit-ton of interest on those good times.

I think the Woody-Armani haircut scenario came about because he'd told the experts about how hurt he'd been when his former partner had a termination without discussing it with him. The producers wanted to introduce this into the storyline so that the issue of trust could be discussed but, given the sensitivity of the subject, decided to get Woody to use the haircut metaphor. But he wasn't very good at it and ended up digging himself into a hole with Amani, who looked more and more bewildered. Woody looked positively relieved when Pastor Cal brought up the abortion issue and it was then all out in the open.

I was also glad Miles was told that it's not all about him keeping Karen happy, and that his emotional needs are important too. I think these two will be okay if Karen can let her guard down and Miles can be a little more assertive.

Henry and ChristinA are a train wreck, but this week he was definitely looking the more attractive of the pair. So she lives out of her car and sofa surfs between friends when she's not flying between cities.  She has a sense of entitlement that isn't borne out by her circumstances. I also don't believe that multiple men have told her she's the most beautiful woman they've ever seen because she has Resting Bitch Face, a weak (and slightly double) chin, and an attitude that's really quite unpleasant. Nothing beautiful about that at all.

I still adore Bennett and Amelia. I think he's a great match for her.  She wants a career and also a husband and a family, but if she's been in school then she's been amongst men who are equally career-driven and she's probably wondered how she could have this with someone who's also a high-achieving professional. But with Bennett, she could pursue her career, he could (as he said) take care of kids and pursue his creative projects from home. I think they are probably the most well-matched people I've ever seen on this show. If they don't make it, I will be bereft!