IIRC, the shower and yes, the engagement party (because that's now a thing, so now you have to show up with a gift for an engagement party, a shower, an bachelorette party, and a wedding) are held by the family, but the attendants are expected to arrange and pay for the bachelorette party. Then let's not forget the wedding registry. I've read that these are not as much of a thing as they used to be, but the last wedding I was invited to, there was NOTHING on the registry under $200 and the groom-to-be, who was a co-worker, explained to me that they did it that way because the expectation is that if you are invited with a guest, you're expected to "cover your plate" (which basically means you have to guess what they paid for you to go to their wedding and pay your own way). And with that, I stopped going to my friends' weddings. I started my tradition of buying each couple two champagne flutes from Tiffany's. The bride gets a Tiffany blue box, I buy a nice gift, and I don't have to deal with this "cover the plate" nonsense. Nor do I have to dress up and go eat a mediocre prime rib and dance to lousy disco pop music. Everyone wins.