S05.E02: Caught In The Crossfire

[OnceSane]

Quote

Colt discovers a new side of his girlfriend. Angela receives some shocking news from her doctor. Elizabeth asks her dad to pay for a big-ticket item. Larissa decides to get back into the dating scene. Paul makes a decision for him and his family.

Airs June 21, 2020.

[Kid]

I simply don’t get it. Larissa was so pretty.  And now, with all that plastic surgery, she starting to look like Darcy. Her face is becoming mask-like and she’s got those big bloated lips.    
 

OK, OK. The doctor tells Angela she’s going to check for uterine cancer and Angela is worried about the fact that she may not be able to “tote“ a baby.  Thank god she no longer has the ability to breed.   

Edited June 16, 2020 by Kid

[mamadrama]

15 hours ago, Kid said:

I simply don’t get it. Larissa was so pretty.  And now, with all that plastic surgery, she starting to look like Darcy. Her face is becoming mask-like and she’s got those big bloated lips.    
 

OK, OK. The doctor tells Angela she’s going to check for uterine cancer and Angela is worried about the fact that she may not be able to “tote“ a baby.  Thank god she no longer has the ability to breed.   

Frankly, these doctors and techs deserve fucking medals for keeping straight faces. 

[Kid]

5 hours ago, mamadrama said:

Frankly, these doctors and techs deserve fucking medals for keeping straight faces. 

Did you notice the look on that doctor’s face when Angela was rattling on about toting a baby for Michael???🤣🤣🤣

Also, what 50 something-year-old woman wears a necklace with her boyfriends name on it???  Something a teenager would do.

Edited June 17, 2020 by Kid

[Mrs. Hanson]

7 hours ago, mamadrama said:

Frankly, these doctors and techs deserve fucking medals for keeping straight faces. 

 

2 hours ago, Kid said:

Also, what 50 something-year-old woman wears a necklace with her boyfriends name on it???  Something a teenager would do.

@mamadrama - I am not sure how a doctor/nurse/midwife can look at 54 year old, overweight, and smoking Angela and NOT laugh out loud at her requests.  "We went to a fertility clinic in Nigeria......"

@Kid - My mom in law gave me a necklace of hers that has a cursive "H" on it and that is as far I go - a necklace with hubby's name?  Hard pass.  Most of these people act like they are 13 to 15 years old somaybe that explains it?

I did not need to see Paul and Karine or Larissa at all.  Coltee acting like Mr. Big Town in Chicago - blech.  

"If Michael and I can't have a baby, that could ruin our relationship!"  Really?  I thought it was your abusive behaviors him plus your hair trigger temper at anything he seemingly does wrong.

 

 

 

[blubld43]

4 hours ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

 

@mamadrama - I am not sure how a doctor/nurse/midwife can look at 54 year old, overweight, and smoking Angela and NOT laugh out loud at her requests.  "We went to a fertility clinic in Nigeria......"

@Kid - My mom in law gave me a necklace of hers that has a cursive "H" on it and that is as far I go - a necklace with hubby's name?  Hard pass.  Most of these people act like they are 13 to 15 years old somaybe that explains it?

I did not need to see Paul and Karine or Larissa at all.  Coltee acting like Mr. Big Town in Chicago - blech.  

"If Michael and I can't have a baby, that could ruin our relationship!"  Really?  I thought it was your abusive behaviors him plus your hair trigger temper at anything he seemingly does wrong.

 

 

 

I am dying laughing at "Mr Big Town in Chicago" , and your entire last sentence. 

Of course Michael did admit to that long ago beej in the car; he's going to suffer for that forever.  

[Kangatush]

I know he's a controversial character, but the worse the coven treats him, the more I like Andrei.  Plus, she's slightly annoyed by him, but overall, he and Libby seem to have a healthy, functioning, relationship.  Especially given how they seem on Pillow Talk.

Just for giggles, I looked up the Hellscape of Moldova.   "The local customs don't have a lot of quirks, it's mostly about being polite. Don't talk politics, as this is still a dicey issue in Moldova and Transnistria. Also, treat women with respect. Chivalry is important, and you'll be seen as a rude foreigner if you don't open doors for women. Do not say mean or sexually suggestive things about Moldovan women locals will be very angry."

Explains perhaps why Andrei flips when Family Libby treats her like shit.

 

[Kangatush]

I'm still trying to figure out what Kalani found so mesmerizing about Asuelu.  To me, his voice sounds like a child's voice.  And he's not ugly, but he's not exactly an island stud.  

And yes, she screamed at him every time he tried to do something to help Oliver.  She did train him not to deal with the kids.  And the people saying Kalani needs to communicate more clearly could not be more right.  Same with Papa Low.  You simply cannot be vague with Asuelu.  He will not understand you.

[Auntie Anxiety]

9 hours ago, Kangatush said:

And the people saying Kalani needs to communicate more clearly could not be more right.  Same with Papa Low.  You simply cannot be vague with Asuelu.  He will not understand you.

Kalani needs to make a poster with pictures and diagrams that she can point to in order to get Asuelu to understand. He seems to have a perpetual vacant look on his face, like he has trouble processing any sentence that has more than six words in it. 

Grangie continues to keep it klassy. Her comment about the size of Mikul’s penis in comparison to the internal ultrasound wand is a case in point. I’m not a doctor, but I have an actual brain and I did mention that Grangie should be concerned about bleeding after not having her period for 2-3 years. She better hope and pray that she doesn’t have some sort of gynecological cancer. 

[mamadrama]

7 hours ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

Kalani needs to make a poster with pictures and diagrams that she can point to in order to get Asuelu to understand. He seems to have a perpetual vacant look on his face, like he has trouble processing any sentence that has more than six words in it. 

Grangie continues to keep it klassy. Her comment about the size of Mikul’s penis in comparison to the internal ultrasound wand is a case in point. I’m not a doctor, but I have an actual brain and I did mention that Grangie should be concerned about bleeding after not having her period for 2-3 years. She better hope and pray that she doesn’t have some sort of gynecological cancer. 

Especially since she has a family history of cancer. 

[Kayz Opinion]

23 hours ago, Kangatush said:

I'm still trying to figure out what Kalani found so mesmerizing about Asuelu.  To me, his voice sounds like a child's voice.  And he's not ugly, but he's not exactly an island stud.  

He was part of the entertainment at her resort.  She was a virgin intent on giving it away there--why not that cute "star"?  He was pretty cute and innocent when he was excited to dance at the airport.  He was probably truly happy and content on his island* and Kalani et al have browbeaten him into a broken guy.  Does he worry about his future life every waking moment?  I would.  RELEASE ASUELU!!

*Where he knew the customs and the rules for men and women.

[magemaud]

Looks like Coltee has a nympho on his hands (literally.) I wonder how the American family that Jess works for feels about her sexual appetite. 

And her cackling laugh is really annoying 

Edited June 20, 2020 by magemaud

[Frozendiva]

Looked up the hotel in Chicago. Inexpensive.

Coltee left out he and Debbie gaslighting Larissa.

[greekmom]

4 minutes ago, Frozendiva said:

Looked up the hotel in Chicago. Inexpensive.

Depending. I was in Chicago in 2013 and stayed at a Hampton Inn off Magnificent Mile and I still found it expensive with the exchange rate. But damn I really want to visit Chicago again. Just for the pizza at Lou Malnati's.

I still remember finding it odd that a) you can buy wine at the convenience store (again it was 2013 and in Ontario you can only buy wine at LCBO) anb b) a cheap bottle was $5 (Ontario the cheapest is $9.95)

[magemaud]

Andreeeeeei really needs to babyproof that coffee table he’s building. 

[Frozendiva]

The hotel is going for $133 CAD per night. Went to Chicago to a conference. Stayed at the Sheraton and Fairmont. Stayed an extra two days. Liked having a grocery store nearby.

Alberta has liquor stores on seemingly every corner. Real Canadian Liquorstore is more bargainy. We pay a lot of tax on alcohol here and it is much cheaper In the US and Europe.

So Karine does not want to live in the US?

The sisters Libby all feeding the babies in the pool?  Yeah, give folks at least 4 months notice.

[alotmorestupider]

I’m still nauseous after hearing Coltee’s new girlfriend say she liked sex with him. What...the...everloving...fuck. She enjoyed THAT body pressed up against her?! She must really, really love America. The way Colt suggestively raises his eyebrows makes me gag a little. 

I’m literally currently a breastfeeding mother and I found it strange for 3 moms in a pool to all simultaneously breastfeeding their babies...while being filmed. “Hey we’re filming today! What should we do? Maybe breastfeed in the pool?” They think they’re sexy, empowered young mothers but really it just reeks of being a try-hard thirsty D-list reality tv “celebrity”. Also, Becky’s boobs look very saggy in that swimsuit. I don’t believe a second of Libby’s family drama.
 

 

[Kangatush]

2 hours ago, magemaud said:

Andreeeeeei really needs to babyproof that coffee table he’s building. 

I thought the same thing.  Looks like the type with a glass top.

[Kayz Opinion]

2 hours ago, alotmorestupider said:

I’m still nauseous after hearing Coltee’s new girlfriend say she liked sex with him. What...the...everloving...fuck. She enjoyed THAT body pressed up against her?! She must really, really love America.

Her Visa expires in SIX MONTHS and she wants to stay in the USA.  She has probably tried every avenue to get it extended...and Colt is just one more cul de sac.

[xls]

On 6/16/2020 at 11:51 AM, Kid said:

I simply don’t get it. Larissa was so pretty.  And now, with all that plastic surgery, she starting to look like Darcy. Her face is becoming mask-like and she’s got those big bloated lips.    
 

OK, OK. The doctor tells Angela she’s going to check for uterine cancer and Angela is worried about the fact that she may not be able to “tote“ a baby.  Thank god she no longer has the ability to breed.   

She can afford all that but not the visa fees?

[AZChristian]

7 hours ago, Kayz Opinion said:

Her Visa expires in SIX MONTHS and she wants to stay in the USA.  She has probably tried every avenue to get it extended...and Colt is just one more cul de sac.

With a cul de sac being defined as a "dead end."  She's tried all the through avenues and must be truly desperate.

[StatisticalOutlier]

14 hours ago, alotmorestupider said:

The way Colt suggestively raises his eyebrows makes me gag a little. 

It's pretty remarkable that something so small can stand out in all the grossness that is Colt. 

 

14 hours ago, alotmorestupider said:

I’m literally currently a breastfeeding mother and I found it strange for 3 moms in a pool to all simultaneously breastfeeding their babies...while being filmed. “Hey we’re filming today! What should we do? Maybe breastfeed in the pool?” They think they’re sexy, empowered young mothers but really it just reeks of being a try-hard thirsty D-list reality tv “celebrity”.

I thought I'd somehow been transported to a meeting of La Leche League.

The only saving grace is that I assume this pool is in somebody's back yard.  Please tell me I'm right.

 

14 hours ago, alotmorestupider said:

I don’t believe a second of Libby’s family drama.

I don't either. 

[mamadrama]

7 hours ago, xls said:

She can afford all that but not the visa fees?

I think she's getting a lot of those cosmetic procedures for free. Or else she has a sugar daddy who's paying for them. My BFF was a stripper and escort for years and she never had to buy a thing. Her biggest client bought her a new truck, furniture, clothes...he even paid for a group of friends to stay at the Venetian for a week. She only had to see him once or twice a month when he came to town.

[Gobi]

1 hour ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

It's pretty remarkable that something so small can stand out in all the grossness that is Colt. 

I see what you did there.

[HorrrGoodnight]

Just when I thought I had forgotten, here comes Sam-wah, Undrrrei, Mahckle, Pole, and good ole Colt Tea whose name somehow keeps coming up in the same sentence as sex 🤢

[FrancescaFiore]

Libby's awful sisters feeling the need to synchronized breastfeed during filming led me to decide that their band name would be The Wet Nurse Ivankas.

[Auntie Anxiety]

I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that Libby and her sisters probably had their menstrual cycles in sync (before having their babies) and it’s just a short hop to nursing together. The family that bleeds together breastfeeds together.

[RealReality]

20 hours ago, Frozendiva said:

Looked up the hotel in Chicago. Inexpensive.

Coltee left out he and Debbie gaslighting Larissa.

He always does.  

18 hours ago, alotmorestupider said:

I’m still nauseous after hearing Coltee’s new girlfriend say she liked sex with him. What...the...everloving...fuck. She enjoyed THAT body pressed up against her?! She must really, really love America. The way Colt suggestively raises his eyebrows makes me gag a little. 

I’m literally currently a breastfeeding mother and I found it strange for 3 moms in a pool to all simultaneously breastfeeding their babies...while being filmed. “Hey we’re filming today! What should we do? Maybe breastfeed in the pool?” They think they’re sexy, empowered young mothers but really it just reeks of being a try-hard thirsty D-list reality tv “celebrity”. Also, Becky’s boobs look very saggy in that swimsuit. I don’t believe a second of Libby’s family drama.
 

 

 

16 hours ago, Kayz Opinion said:

Her Visa expires in SIX MONTHS and she wants to stay in the USA.  She has probably tried every avenue to get it extended...and Colt is just one more cul de sac.

You hit the nail on the head.  Her visa is expiring and she doesn't want to leave.  

Colt has, once again, "found" a situation where he can trade sex for a green card and will subsequently hold all the power. 

What a mysterious coincidence that the only women who want to have sex with colt need a green card. 

[1011101010001]

1 hour ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that Libby and her sisters probably had their menstrual cycles in sync (before having their babies) and it’s just a short hop to nursing together. The family that bleeds together breastfeeds together.

Emitting liquids everywhere!

[Frozendiva]

Makes me wonder if the Coven are looking for some sort of reality show opportunity.

[Persnickety1]

11 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

It's pretty remarkable that something so small can stand out in all the grossness that is Colt. 

Speaking of something small, I finally saw his dick gerkin shots.  

 

🤢

[Mrs. Hanson]

On 6/19/2020 at 11:24 PM, alotmorestupider said:

I’m literally currently a breastfeeding mother and I found it strange for 3 moms in a pool to all simultaneously breastfeeding their babies...while being filmed. “Hey we’re filming today! What should we do? Maybe breastfeed in the pool?” They think they’re sexy, empowered young mothers but really it just reeks of being a try-hard thirsty D-list reality tv “celebrity”. Also, Becky’s boobs look very saggy in that swimsuit. I don’t believe a second of Libby’s family drama.
 

I had a lot of mixed feelings on that scene:  I have zero issue with breastfeeding, in public or anywhere, obviously, but it seemed.....too staged.  Have a burp cloth, something....please.  I Imagine a man might (might!) feel uncomfortable had hae walked in.  I almost felt the ending credits would have a disclaimer:  "This scene brought to you by the Le Leche League of Florida!"

I don't believe the drama either, as they are BFF's on Pillow Talk.   I am no fan of Annddddeeeri either but like a poster said upthread:  The worse The Coven treats him, the more I have to root for him.  I am really NOT interested in listening to "Who will pay for the wedding in Moldavia?" drama as, and yes I am stuck on this:  "YOU HAD A WEDDING!"  Moldavia will will be a renewal of vows, nothing legal.  I am not suggesting it is not important, it is not legal, therefore, to me, would have a low priority to attend as I already attended your wedding.

What does puzzle me about the drama, is this:  Why would allow yourself to look like a moocher and deadbeat?  The money can't be THAT good!

[Auntie Anxiety]

1 hour ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

had a lot of mixed feelings on that scene:  I have zero issue with breastfeeding, in public or anywhere, obviously, but it seemed.....too staged.  Have a burp cloth, something....please.  I Imagine a man might (might!) feel uncomfortable had hae walked in.

I have two DILs, both of whom breastfed/breastfeed. One DIL was discreet, covered up with a cloth or blanket. The other one wears a tank top and, while you are sitting there and having a conversation with her, will pull down one side, expose herself to whoever might be in the room (her father, brother, me) and nurse without skipping a beat. Initially, I was taken aback. Takes some getting used to.

Edited June 21, 2020 by Auntie Anxiety

[Baltimore Betty]

I am rewatching this episode, Ang is on the front porch of her house talking to My-kul on the phone and the camera pulls back and you see Ang sitting in a chair and on the other side of the porch is Granny's potty chair, between that and the crap all over the kitchen floor...keep it classy Ang, keep it classy.

[1011101010001]

After describing the potty chair I thought you meant literal crap.

[Kayz Opinion]

6 hours ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

Moldavia will will be a renewal of vows, nothing legal. 

Surely it will be something more to his family.  Religious, recognized, and binding. What other reason would there be for "requiring" another wedding before their child can be baptized in her father's religion? 

[FrancescaFiore]

Karine is such a sourpuss on top of being a butterface.

Angela can't remember when she had her last period. She has said 1 year,  2 years & 3 years ago in this episode. 

Poor Angela's mom tho. Rest in peace, ya spawner of monsters. 

[CraftyHazel]

Last year, I had the same medical situation as Angela.  (I’m 60+). I had the ultrasound and a surgery (my first since infancy!) was scheduled.  Biopsy, hysteroscopy, D&C, and polypectomy.  All was well, but yeah...denial is a bitch.  I spotted for months and bled heavily for weeks before admitting it to anyone.

[Frozendiva]

Andrei and Libby: Yeah, sure, hit up dad for more money for some stupid wedding in Moldova. You can probably find an Eastern Orthodox church somewhere in Florida.  Dad is going to gift his manipulative daughter with that kind of cash? Maybe he should talk a l-o-a-n. The family drama seems very manufactured. Wouldn't be surprised it is just for the show and Andrei is paying for this wedding. The sisters breastfeeding scene in the pool also seemed fake - how to show they are modern and cool and whatever. It's normal, it is natural, but it seemed too much. Wouldn't want to do feeding standing in some pool in a swimsuit. Maybe on a lawn chair. I was thinking the Gabor sisters.

Angela: Felt badly for her mother being exploited on the show. At least Angela got herself checked out. No, it is not a good idea for you to tote an aig. She was kind to her mom, but the viewers do not need to see this.

Coltee and Jess: She wants a Green Card and to stay in the US. You, Coltee, are an option for her. You really don't have any interest in her as an actual person - just a toy for you. You don't bring your friends to come along with a man you just met and know little about. They were right to ask him why he lived at home with his age. He kept a bit from Jess - about how awful he and his mother truly are, how they pretty much faked some of Larissa's domestic violence charges to get rid of someone who wasn't working out and who didn't like Debbie. His being cheap, controlling, etc. Jess, you can probably find someone else who may be able to help you out with a visa.

Larissa: Maybe ease up on the plastic surgery and just accept who you are and make the best of it. A new nose-e, chest, butt implants, cheek implants, Botox and such can't do much with what is the inner you. You may never feel sexy - always wanting another procedure. Yeah, stripping class is quite the workout. And it may be a temporary job option for you. Why are you trying so hard to change your appearance? Be yourself and you may find the man you are looking for. At the rate you are going, you may need to find a sugar daddy or an escorting job.

Tania and Sygin: No idea why they are still married. She is insufferable. Even though her foot is in a boot, she can certainly work somewhere. When I had my foot injury last spring, I hobbled around for a few weeks. Syngin is doing a lot of day drinking. They seem to get off on fighting all the time. It doesn't really make a good relationship in the longterm. Both should stay in the she-shed until they get jobs and can put down first and last month's rent and pay the bills.

Kalani and Asuelu: The boychild is homesick. I understand hanging out with the friends once a week or on some reasonable schedule, which meets both their needs. Handing out yogurt samples does not pay for much. Asuelu needs a life lesson or kick in the rump or two to grow up and take some responsibility for his family. He is not a kid any more and needs to somehow turn in to an adult. Kalani will dump him and send him back to Samoa and there won't be any cow money sent or gifts sent to the family. The axe-throwing date night seemed fun, but I think Kalani expected a modest dinner out at a restaurant.

Paul and Karine: Another disaster. The home in Brazil is packed with junk. Paul has no job in the US, and nowhere to go. Yeah, stay at mom's or some other relative's for maybe a week til you can find your own place. Mom has every right to put her foot down for her mid-thirties son. Yes, she will be sympathetic to Pierre (it is Pee-air and not Pee-air-ee).

Edited June 22, 2020 by Frozendiva

[My Girls]

21 minutes ago, Marmiarmo said:

Last year, I had the same medical situation as Angela.  (I’m 60+). I had the ultrasound and a surgery (my first since infancy!) was scheduled.  Biopsy, hysteroscopy, D&C, and polypectomy.  All was well, but yeah...denial is a bitch.  I spotted for months and bled heavily for weeks before admitting it to anyone.

Similar situation, waiting for my biopsy appointment.  I had a hard time watching Angela; it's hitting too close to home.  Glad you're well now.

[CraftyHazel]

19 minutes ago, Chloe Dog said:

Similar situation, waiting for my biopsy appointment.  I had a hard time watching Angela; it's hitting too close to home.  Glad you're well now.

Well, I am friends with an OBGYN, and she told me that it is polyps more often than not.  She works in the same office with my doctor, and she made sure that results were always relayed to me immediately.  I will hold the good thought for you, Chloe Dog.

[Meowwww]

Agree on Tonia.  I had my foot in a boot (ruined my hips and back as it was either higher or lower than the other shoe I chose to wear).  I worked every day, on my feet.  I have no sympathy for her precious self.  
I had a hysterectomy at 39.   4 giant fibroids, endometriosis, pre-cancerous cells on my cervix (cervix was removed).  This is real, more than just totin’ an aig har har.  

[mamadrama]

27 minutes ago, Meowwww said:

Agree on Tonia.  I had my foot in a boot (ruined my hips and back as it was either higher or lower than the other shoe I chose to wear).  I worked every day, on my feet.  I have no sympathy for her precious self.  
I had a hysterectomy at 39.   4 giant fibroids, endometriosis, pre-cancerous cells on my cervix (cervix was removed).  This is real, more than just totin’ an aig har har.  

Yep. Hysterectomy at 30 here. She needs to be way more concerned about her health. 

[sonder]

Not to be mean but is there something else besides immaturity going on with Asuelo? A brain development or intelligence issue? I don’t think it will change even with maturity. 

[Frozendiva]

Asuelu needs a few good swift kicks to his butt.

[Frozendiva]

I didn't have a lot of sympathy for Tania in her boot. I had to take public transit. Hobble all day at work, hobble home, etc. Her life is a bit easier being chauffered around.

[RealReality]

Colt is an asshole.  Just wait until new Larissa finds about colts button pushing and passive aggression.  

Anyways, Jess is not nearly as attractive as she thinks.  

Unless her friends cannot speak English, I think it's incredibly rude to speak another language with a guest.  

And yeah......I've learned that "my mom lives with me" is code for "I live with my mom"

[Frozendiva]

I always thought it was rude of former coworkers talking at the elevator or wherever in their own language. I couldn't imagine they were talking about me, but maybe they were, and I couldn't understand it. Save it for when you are alone.

I hope Jess put some thought in to those two large tattoos on her thighs. It is not cheap to get rid of them down the line.

Colt is not a caregiver to his mother. Both enjoy their relationship.

Edited June 22, 2020 by Frozendiva

[RealReality]

I forgot how try hard and desperate Tania and syngin are for attention.  They are always trying to outdo each other.  Yuck. 

LOL, I cannot believe someone rented these two grifters an apartment.  Hope they got money up front!

Oh boy, anseulu doing percentages. 

[RealReality]

wow, look at Paul's mom, dropping truth bombs and sticking to her guns!

I totally believe her that Paul would never leave her house.  

Paul couldnt keep a job shovelling shit, I don't know what big job prospects he thinks he has in the US.  

I like kalani and I kinda think she got a rough deal.  Her dad seems overbearing and I think she was overprotected.  So she went boy crazy and thought she was in love with the first man she slept with.  

She seems like a cool person who is stuck with a halfwit.