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S10.E07: Marriage Bootcamp


Sew Sumi
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14 minutes ago, rue721 said:

I think that Lauren was trying to be polite by saying that she was flaking out because she didn't feel well. If she had been being real, she would have said that she was too annoyed and frustrated by Josiah and needed to get out of there before she lost her frigging mind, but I think she was trying to be "good," "sweet," "polite" by blaming a headache, upset stomach, tiredness, etc, instead. It still came out in that talking head about building the nest, though, that she just really couldn't stand to continue the relationship building exercises with Josiah.

I think she's really disliking Josiah and really unhappy with this marriage. To miss the vow renewal in particular says a lot. Who knows what either one of them is like at home but right now they seem like the poster children for "marry in haste, repent in leisure."

Honestly, I think it might genuinely be too frustrating and painful for her to play at "happy couples" with a man who she can't stand.

What I also found interesting was how unexpectedly awful Joy and Austin's relationship seemed. I think maybe the miscarriage did wind up bringing them closer together, because in this episode...It seems like a very patriarchal marriage, in a way that I found kind of distressing, and it also seemed like there's likely a lot of unhappiness behind closed doors. Austin seems to be wound so tight and Joy seems so browbeaten.

Ben and Jessa also seemed to really not be getting along too well, but to me they still seemed very comfortable with each other in a way that the other couples aren't. Despite apparently being in a rough patch, they seem to me to have the most "normal" dynamic.

Even Jinger seems to be performing for Jeremy. If any of you watch The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, they remind me of Midge and Joel's relationship in the very, very beginning of the show, before Joel left her. I guess instead of being "competing" comedians, they're competing influencers!

I've been saying that about Jinger from the beginning! I was actually pleasantly surprised that she told Jeremy he messed up with the price of the paint. I didn't think she had it in her.

You're so right about Austin being tightly wound. I think he, even more than most fundies, had a very specific idea about what marriage was going to be like and the fact that you really can't assume the future when you add an actual breathing human who has thoughts (well, as much as Joy is capable of thinking) threw him for a loop. He wasn't even married a year and was going on about how hard marriage was.

My take on Jessa and Ben is that they've reached a point where they're at peace with the fact that they're just completely different people. Or maybe it's not peace so much as it is that they're too distracted by the kids to let themselves think too much about their relationship.

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1 hour ago, BitterApple said:

Starting with Lauren, wow, I don't even know what to say. On one hand, I give her credit for not keeping sweet, but on the other it's like she was determined to make Si look like an idiot. Notice how when Si said he loved her in the TH, she didn't say it back? Yikes. 

Well, I guess it's now clear that when Lauren described their first year of marriage as terrible a while back she spoke the truth. 

But since they didn't seem to like each other from the beginning, it's their own fault they ended up married.

Feeling forced from the start into a marriage with someone you don't like is a sign that your brainwashing has gone too far. I realize Josiah probably went along with it to prove to his family that he's acceptable and Lauren probably went along with it because she and her dad figured the Duggar connection would be a benefit to them and their family in various ways.

But, you know, even people in this subculture sometimes stop the train when they have a very bad feeling about it. It's not unheard of. It's the 21st century in the United States, even for them, after all.

So going ahead with it is your decision, no matter how much pressure you may feel. And if you're not going to stop the train, then cut the complaining and do everything you can to try and make the thing work. Especially since you're now bringing kids into the mess. 

And get your mess the hell off tv. There's no way that adding to your burdens the stupid notion of inviting a million people to watch your pain and struggle can do anything but make it worse -- more angry, more lie-filled, more confusing -- it seems to me. 

Edited by Churchhoney
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I find it hard to believe that after living in Laredo for over four years that Jeremy hadn’t picked up at least some conversational Spanish. I can’t imagine that helped his “preacher-ing” very much. 
 
I live in California and took four years of French in school, yet I am able to converse in Spanish just because I hear (and see it in stores) it so often. 

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4 hours ago, Churchhoney said:

Emphasis on the "practically." As in "close but no cigar"! 

There's no question in my mind that Dad Swanson and Lauren signed onto Lauren's marriage because the Duggars are on TLC. Thus, they're famous and therefore important! 

So whatever she's rejecting, it ain't TLC or made-for-TeeVee moments or made-for TeeVee fame. She sold her soul, marrying a man she doesn't give a crap about in order to become famous by having babeeez on TLC.  There's no way you could convince me that somebody with her drama queen tendencies wasn't simply dying to drama-queen it on television.

Isn't that exactly what she was doing on that show by not appearing in the "activities" in this episode? Note how much more attention she's gotten than anybody else -- by the ploy of pretending to withhold her presence. Withholding her presence is what got her the attention, so she certainly did it on purpose (if not entirely consciously, perhaps, since she's been a drama queen for so long that she's got this kind of maneuver on automatic). 

I'd call this the opposite of rebellion and not giving a fuck! I'd say she gave many many fucks. To the point of being downright mean to her (admittedly utterly unloved) husband, making him suffer for no reason, for the sole purpose of getting more attention for HER from the TLC audience. 

I'd call it what we've been calling the Long Mourning of Asa -- Milking it. By doing the opposite to everybody else -- staying off the screen -- she cleverly managed to milk that episode dry. 

Side note to Lauren and all the Duggs and adjacents who think that being on TeeVee and becoming "famous" makes you special, important, aspirational, etc:  The Three Stooges were on TeeVee. For much longer than the Duggars. 

She married Josiah, because she's fundie IBLP girl and the Duggars are IBLP royalty.  It's help that they're famous and have money, but the bottom line is she's IBLP and they're IBLP and this is what is expected of her.  Fundies want their kids to marry to marry other fundies perferably a) with the means to support the family, b) within the same group. Josiah checks off both of those boxes (thanks to his dad). 

2 hours ago, DangerousMinds said:

Didn’t Lauren grow up with a gaggle of younger siblings? You have to wonder how she ever got any sleep!

Maybe as the oldest daughter Lauren was expected to help with the younger kids in the middle of the night? Or if Mom heard the baby crying and tried to go back to sleep Lauren would be upset and try to comfort the baby? Being forced with a caretaker's role might change how someone feels about crying babies. 

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47 minutes ago, PradaKitty said:

I find it hard to believe that after living in Laredo for over four years that Jeremy hadn’t picked up at least some conversational Spanish. I can’t imagine that helped his “preacher-ing” very much. 
 
I live in California and took four years of French in school, yet I am able to converse in Spanish just because I hear (and see it in stores) it so often. 

Evidence that he may not be terribly bright and also not very interested in or even open to actual interchanges with other people? 

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15 minutes ago, Temperance said:

She married Josiah, because she's fundie IBLP girl and the Duggars are IBLP royalty.  It's help that they're famous and have money, but the bottom line is she's IBLP and they're IBLP and this is what is expected of her.  Fundies want their kids to marry to marry other fundies perferably a) with the means to support the family, b) within the same group. Josiah checks off both of those boxes (thanks to his dad). 

In other words, Josiah can't support her and their dozen or so miserable kids, but Jim Bob can! ... Yeah, I think that's probably what the Swansons think, but I'm not sure it's going to work out that way. 

Something about the ongoing exponential expansion of the crowd Jim Bob apparently proposes to go on supporting ad infinitum....while his sons get no particular job experience or confidence and credentials to be hired by anyone else or start actual businesses for themselves....

Edited by Churchhoney
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3 hours ago, rue721 said:

I think that Lauren was trying to be polite by saying that she was flaking out because she didn't feel well. If she had been being real, she would have said that she was too annoyed and frustrated by Josiah and needed to get out of there before she lost her frigging mind, but I think she was trying to be "good," "sweet," "polite" by blaming a headache, upset stomach, tiredness, etc, instead. It still came out in that talking head about building the nest, though, that she just really couldn't stand to continue the relationship building exercises with Josiah.

I think she's really disliking Josiah and really unhappy with this marriage. To miss the vow renewal in particular says a lot. Who knows what either one of them is like at home but right now they seem like the poster children for "marry in haste, repent in leisure."

Honestly, I think it might genuinely be too frustrating and painful for her to play at "happy couples" with a man who she can't stand.

What I also found interesting was how unexpectedly awful Joy and Austin's relationship seemed. I think maybe the miscarriage did wind up bringing them closer together, because in this episode...It seems like a very patriarchal marriage, in a way that I found kind of distressing, and it also seemed like there's likely a lot of unhappiness behind closed doors. Austin seems to be wound so tight and Joy seems so browbeaten.

Ben and Jessa also seemed to really not be getting along too well, but to me they still seemed very comfortable with each other in a way that the other couples aren't. Despite apparently being in a rough patch, they seem to me to have the most "normal" dynamic.

Even Jinger seems to be performing for Jeremy. If any of you watch The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, they remind me of Midge and Joel's relationship in the very, very beginning of the show, before Joel left her. I guess instead of being "competing" comedians, they're competing influencers!

Great analogy about Jinger and the early Mrs. Maisel!!   Will you, or someone, please explain what the nest-building exercise consisted of and what Josiah did that annoyed Lauren? I'm really curious, thanks!

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1 hour ago, OpieTaylor said:

Great analogy about Jinger and the early Mrs. Maisel!!   Will you, or someone, please explain what the nest-building exercise consisted of and what Josiah did that annoyed Lauren? I'm really curious, thanks!

Thanks! 😁

For the nest building exercise, there were a bunch of twigs and leaves and things on the table and each couple had to work together to use that stuff to build a nest capable of holding three marbles. Josiah wanted to put a handle on theirs and Lauren didn’t want him to, so she finally peaced out to the couch, where she laid with her head buried in the cushions because of a “headache.” In the talking head later, she let slip that she was annoyed with Josiah for not listening to her about the handle being a bad idea (it made the nest a little more rickety) so she just let him do it his way so he could learn his own lesson. That was the last we saw of Lauren, she skipped all of the next day’s activities, which were basically just a vow renewal.

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The one believable part (as in not set up or re-enacted with a bunch of hired extra's) was the garage sale.  That is exactly how garage sales in my area go; huge swarm the minute you start, early birds trying to shop while you setup if you're not lucky enough to have a garage and are doing it on the lawn and the inevitable haggling, if it's $5 they want it for $2 if it's $2 they want it for a quarter.  

There is a small empathetic part of me, growing ever smaller that wants to feel sorry for Lauren as a human being that's troubled either physically, in her mind or both.  There is a bigger part of me growing more prominent every time she's on my screen that thinks she is a combination of attention whore and drama queen.  Two things that are very, very terrible to have together made even worse by putting her on TV.  Honestly if I were a Duggar girl and she were my SIL I'd probably be stuck keeping sweet in front of the camera's and when the parental units were present but I would be rolling my eyes and hating on her in private or in secret conversations with trusted sisters (excludes Jill the snitch).  Josiah is stuck with her 24/7 but even short times with her must just be so tiring, I'd almost be glad when she went to the couch to lie down if I was part of that group.

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35 minutes ago, Sew Sumi said:

Wow, that's a huge plunge. 

Good!

Excellent.

😈

25 minutes ago, rue721 said:

Thanks! 😁

For the nest building exercise, there were a bunch of twigs and leaves and things on the table and each couple had to work together to use that stuff to build a nest capable of holding three marbles. Josiah wanted to put a handle on theirs and Lauren didn’t want him to, so she finally peaced out to the couch, where she laid with her head buried in the cushions because of a “headache.” In the talking head later, she let slip that she was annoyed with Josiah for not listening to her about the handle being a bad idea (it made the nest a little more rickety) so she just let him do it his way so he could learn his own lesson. That was the last we saw of Lauren, she skipped all of the next day’s activities, which were basically just a vow renewal.

Wow, that is all kinds of lame and now I am sort of admiring Lauren for checking out of the stupid.

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11 minutes ago, Calibabydolly said:

Wait...the boys get to wear SHORTS now in the water? I may or may not have been DEFRAUDED by the camera angle in the boats with those boys!? When did this trend start? After Jill and Jinger started wearing pants?

I think Derelict was the first one to bring shorts into the Duggars' main orbit. 

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21 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

Excellent.

😈

Wow, that is all kinds of lame and now I am sort of admiring Lauren for checking out of the stupid.

Oh, and she checked out big. She was sprawled out on the couch in full view of the Duggars and the cameras, with her back turned. No blanket, no nothing. Just a big F.U. to her husband. I didn't know whether to feel bad for Si or admire Lauren's moxy. 

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3 hours ago, Churchhoney said:

Evidence that he may not be terribly bright and also not very interested in or even open to actual interchanges with other people? 

It he may not be good with languages. I have problems with pronunciation. I live in Texas and know very little Spanish  I have customers who know very little English. We manage to communicate.

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I am ashamed to ask but is there a way to view this online without a cable subscription? I have never watched the show, but I am dying laughing at the descriptions of Lauren. It also seems like it might be morbidly interesting from a psych perspective. 

My experience with people like Lauren is similar to @Churchhoney's. They might be dumb as a bag of hammers otherwise, but they are eerily skillful at manipulating any situation for attention. 

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5 hours ago, rue721 said:

Thanks! 😁

For the nest building exercise, there were a bunch of twigs and leaves and things on the table and each couple had to work together to use that stuff to build a nest capable of holding three marbles. Josiah wanted to put a handle on theirs and Lauren didn’t want him to, so she finally peaced out to the couch, where she laid with her head buried in the cushions because of a “headache.” In the talking head later, she let slip that she was annoyed with Josiah for not listening to her about the handle being a bad idea (it made the nest a little more rickety) so she just let him do it his way so he could learn his own lesson. That was the last we saw of Lauren, she skipped all of the next day’s activities, which were basically just a vow renewal.

Wow, what a godly marriage for all of us to learn from!  I’m so glad they put their advanced communication skills on display. That sounds majorly passive aggressive  

Vow renewal for all of the couples?

2 hours ago, Patricia07 said:

Did I hear Abbie call her husband "John Boy"?

That’s weird. 

Edited by awaken
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15 hours ago, Dimi1 said:

.I felt this episode was the most telling of the way the Duggar's were raised..."no schedule".."fly by the seat of your pants" "no sit down meals"....

I homeschooled my two youngest for several years and our days were pretty chaotic because there was no set schedule until dinner & bedtime. School was done every day, but it was tucked in-between everything else. 

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8 minutes ago, Sew Sumi said:

Good luck! You're going to die from boredom. 😂

I'm not much of a drinker but am pondering the wisdom of downing a shitload of rum before I start. 😉 

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2 minutes ago, Sew Sumi said:

Better drunk than stone cold sober. Trust me on this one. 😂

Fuck, I can't find any alcohol in the house. LOL 

I have to wrap up sending some emails and then I will try to "see the elephant"--to borrow a Civil War phrase--without any liquid courage. May God have mercy on my soul. 

If you don't hear back from me tonight, know that to paraphrase Dickens "it is a far, far worse thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far worse rest that I go to than I have ever known." 😉 

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I am 6 minutes into this without alcohol and already trying not to damage my eyes by rolling them too hard. 

I do think I've clocked it as occurring in April due to Josiah's comment about being married for 10 months. 

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5 minutes ago, Sew Sumi said:

Don't say I didn't warm you! 😂

That you did, Sew, that you did! I have to take mini breaks! I just finished the communication activity. And I was cackling like crazy when they were talking about finding time to communicate. I know in a normal marriage that is important. But if neither spouse works or seems to do much in the way of the domestic arts . . . what else are they doing all day with their time? 

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Regarding work, Josiah and Joe supposedly "work" at the car lots (which lot(s) has never been established). Ben does *something*. JD flies people around, but that's not a daily gig. I have no clue what he does now that Duggar Towing is in the rear view.

Edited by Sew Sumi
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OK I finished. And on this Thanksgiving Eve, I am more thankful than ever not to be a Duggar.

So, other than a handful of random clips, this was the first time I'd watched any of the couples interact with each other. What I had to judge beforehand was mainly social media content.

Based on what I saw in the episode, it does seem like Joe/Kendra, Joy/Austin, and JD/Abbie seem to get along the best among the couples. Which is sort of what I always thought from social media. Incidentally, though I can't stand Jeremy--and laughed my ass off at his complete lack of business sense despite apparently having a business degree--he and Jinger also seem to get along pretty well. 

Will clarify that I do think Joy/Austin had some issues when they first got married, but they do seem to be cognizant about it and in a better place now with each other. 

I don't think Ben/Jessa necessarily get along well, but they seem to have a mutual state of apathy that maybe makes things somewhat more tolerable than I was anticipating.

I always had figured Josiah/Lauren were not well suited for each other or happy, but holy fuck, the passive-aggressiveness just radiated off the screen. Even though I knew what she did since all of you had described it, I was still taken aback by it. (And was howling with laughter at her turning her back on all of them on the sofa. What a drama llama! Go to your fucking room if you don't feel well rather than making such a martyred production out of it.)

I actually felt bad for Josiah and even felt some secondhand embarrassment for him when he was trying to read his vows into the phone. 

Agreed with everyone that is ridiculous that JB/Michelle are worming their way back into the show. 

I must confess, I would actually have liked to have seen Jill/Derick try to navigate the nest building activity, as well as the communication boat rowing thing, if they were still on the show. Based on their social media posting, I really don't think they get along well, and that might have been a way to confirm the dynamic between them. 

Edited by Zella
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18 hours ago, Dimi1 said:

I watched this and WOW..so many thoughts...I think Lauren is passive aggressive and did not get her way with the birds nest...so her way of punishing/manipulating Josiah is to check out/isolate...I felt this episode was the most telling of the way the Duggar's were raised..."no schedule".."fly by the seat of your pants" "no sit down meals"....what a disservice to your kids...Schedules make kids feel safe...and they don't have to be elaborate or written in stone...Meal times, bed times, school times....it must have been one chaotic mess in that house from the start of each day...I knew a gotherdite family while raising my own kids...and they struggle with the same things the dagger adult kids do...its like there is no sense of what the real world is like because they just never functioned like normal society...and yeah...the adults kids of the family I know are even worse than the Dugger kiddults...

I've thought the same thing.

There's no dinner time, bath time, story time, or bed time for the younger kids. The older kids don't pick out their clothes for school, and go to bed early, etc. As you say, routines are important for kids. It not just that the Duggar kids ended up damaged by fears of food scarcity, without personal care habits, functionally illiterate, and without regular sleeping habits, it's that these are the daily bonding rituals that form the foundation of the parent/child relationship. It's not just that the people on this forum are mean-spirited haters -- although some of us might be -- but that J'chelle and JB literally have no relationship with their children because they never engaged in any of these homely tasks that build relationships day by day and year by year.

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4 minutes ago, cmr2014 said:

I've thought the same thing.

There's no dinner time, bath time, story time, or bed time for the younger kids. The older kids don't pick out their clothes for school, and go to bed early, etc. As you say, routines are important for kids. It not just that the Duggar kids ended up damaged by fears of food scarcity, without personal care habits, functionally illiterate, and without regular sleeping habits, it's that these are the daily bonding rituals that form the foundation of the parent/child relationship. It's not just that the people on this forum are mean-spirited haters -- although some of us might be -- but that J'chelle and JB literally have no relationship with their children because they never engaged in any of these homely tasks that build relationships day by day and year by year.

I found it telling how many of the Duggar in-laws were either nodding their head or commented on this lack of structure in their spouse's upbringing, though it may not have been phrased that way. Ben and Abby both mentioned it, and it looked like Kendra was nodding her head in agreement when Ben was talking about it. 

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Finally watched the episode. Apparently I fell asleep before it ended and missed the vow renewals. I was very surprised/not surprised that Lauren bailed a second time.

I chuckled at how spot on we all are with these couples. The only real surprise for me was Abbie being so passive, but at least she realized it later.

Jessa and Ben aren't even friends, nevermind partners - she's the mom and he's the dad. It's going to be a long marriage for those two. Joy and Austin seem to have the healthiest and most normal marriage. JD and Abbie are still figuring it out. Joe and Kendra appear to have a marriage that, without the love they both have for each other, could go the way of Jessa and Ben. I don't think it will, because Kendra isn't a selfish bitch and Joe seems happy enough to just plod along.

Josiah and Lauren - just wow. Nothing they did at that retreat was for their marriage. Josiah was hellbent on winning. Winning the boat race, that wasn't a race and winning the nest building, which wasn't a contest against the other couples. And Lauren can't get out of her own way. IMO, Lauren wasn't standing up to her headship or playing it up for the cameras, she was having a passive-aggressive tantrum. And I thought that before I read that she bailed on the vow renewal. I'm betting these tantrums occur without the cameras or any other audience and I'm guessing every moment of every day is all about Lauren.

One last thing, I think Jessa purposely made Ben look like a fool during the duck retrieval. And Ben obediently let her.

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5 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

Finally watched the episode. Apparently I fell asleep before it ended and missed the vow renewals. I was very surprised/not surprised that Lauren bailed a second time.

I chuckled at how spot on we all are with these couples. The only real surprise for me was Abbie being so passive, but at least she realized it later.

Jessa and Ben aren't even friends, nevermind partners - she's the mom and he's the dad. It's going to be a long marriage for those two. Joy and Austin seem to have the healthiest and most normal marriage. JD and Abbie are still figuring it out. Joe and Kendra appear to have a marriage that, without the love they both have for each other, could go the way of Jessa and Ben. I don't think it will, because Kendra isn't a selfish bitch and Joe seems happy enough to just plod along.

Josiah and Lauren - just wow. Nothing they did at that retreat was for their marriage. Josiah was hellbent on winning. Winning the boat race, that wasn't a race and winning the nest building, which wasn't a contest against the other couples. And Lauren can't get out of her own way. IMO, Lauren wasn't standing up to her headship or playing it up for the cameras, she was having a passive-aggressive tantrum. And I thought that before I read that she bailed on the vow renewal. I'm betting these tantrums occur without the cameras or any other audience and I'm guessing every moment of every day is all about Lauren.

One last thing, I think Jessa purposely made Ben look like a fool during the duck retrieval. And Ben obediently let her.

I’d amend that to ‘Jessa is the mom and Bin is her first child’, lol.

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16 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

One last thing, I think Jessa purposely made Ben look like a fool during the duck retrieval. And Ben obediently let her.

LOL, a duck retrieval!  Sounds like riveting TV!  Now I’m sorry I missed it!  

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Far be it from me to defend Lauren - I dislike her as much as all of you do - but I'm cutting her some slack. I suspect she was experiencing pregnancy-related fatigue and nausea. That could explain her behavior. Some women can push through it and still function, true, but who wants to be on TV when you feel like that? Maybe she could have handled it a bit more gracefully, but I'm guessing she probably really did feel like crap and needed to rest.

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There is only one word that can be used to define Lauren to perfection:

She is a classic Cluster B Personality Disorder !

Histrionic:

-----------overly theatrical or melodramatic in character or style.

"a histrionic outburst"

Psychiatric:

denoting a personality disorder marked by shallow volatile emotions and attention-seeking behavior.

noun

exaggerated dramatic behavior designed to attract attention.

"discussions around the issue have been based as much in histrionics as in history"

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On 11/26/2019 at 9:09 PM, PradaKitty said:

Why do Jimblob and Michelle consistently feel the need to wear matching outfits?  They look ridiculous.

Because they're MARRIED. They're ensconced in the MOST IMPORTANT relationship in the WHOLE WORLD. And they want to make sure you NEVER forget that they are MARRIED.

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