S07.E18: Mercedes' Story

[Elizzikra]

Quote

Am I blanking it out, or did this episode not start with the traditional shower scene?

There was one - her PCA helps her bathe while she stands in the bathtub. I'm not sure what she did about bathing in Houston as she didn't appear to have a PCA there.

[parrotfeathers]

I forgot to add--loved seeing Cassandra (Kassandra?) and she even said a few words.  I know some don't like her but I do.

Boy that fried chicken looked good.

[kicotan]

1 hour ago, iwasish said:

I’d like to see them lay out on a table the typical amount of food eaten in one day vs what should be consumed by the patient. It seems they delude themselves about just how much they do eat and also about how much they can eat on the diet.

 I agree with this.

Im a “visual learner” and the techniques for teaching folks like me, such as the laying it all out on the table method described above is crucial to me getting it.

That being said, Mercedes didn’t strike me as intelligent or motivated beyond the hope she would get Dr. Now’s approval for the magical surgery that would solve her morbid obesity problem.

”weight loss journey” is a phrase I wish they’d stop using.  “Morbid obesity treatment” or “death wish aversion therapy” would be more accurate.

Ive been stumping for a Dr. Now Addiction Treatment Center for awhile now.  Set up similarly to drug addiction treatment centers...why is this not a thing already?

I felt really bad for Mercedes’ children.  She may very well love them and keep them dry, warm and fed, but they are still victims of her toxic narcissism.

[calpurnia99]

I saw that once I think on Dr. Oz or Dr. Phil, they put out on a table the amount of food a 600 pound guy used to eat before his weight loss.

When she said she didn't overeat, she just ate the wrong things, this is what my eating habit usually is. I allow myself to eat whatever I want before 3PM. I eat the wrong foods a lot, but in the course of the entire day, I don't overeat and keep my calories between 1200-2000.  I eat a lot of bad stuff. I stop eating completely by 6PM. If I have a craving for something I eat it for breakfast or lunch. I'm only about 8 pounds overweight. This kind of eating keeps me maintaining, not losing or gaining. Most of the reason I don't eat after 6PM is from acid reflux  which keeps me up all night if I eat too late. I noticed when I stopped eating at 6PM I maintained my weight, and didnt have to watch what I ate. I did see a diet study which showed that if you eat between, let's say 10am and 3PM and ate 3000 calories during that time, you would lose more weight than another person eating the exact same food but over a 15 hour period. They showed that fasting for 19 hours and eating during 5 hours actually those people lost way more on the same food and number of calories. I found this interesting and do this myself,  a lot of days I eat between 11am and 6PM. I doesnt matter what it is, I don't gain. I had all the leftover cake and pastries for breakfast last week! Like way too much of it! It was so good! 

Anyway I LOVE when they tell Dr. Now they don't eat breakfast or they only eat once a day. Whitney Thore likes to brag she only eats once a day. But if that one meal is 6000 calories, no one is impressed by this. Also people who eat a lot late at night, don't have an appetite for breakfast, not impressed.

[LuvMyShows]

11 minutes ago, kicotan said:

”weight loss journey” is a phrase I wish they’d stop using.  

I wish they'd stop using the word 'progress', 'cause most of the time when they talk about it, they actually aren't making any, so now the word is tainted and I don't want to use it in regards to what I'm doing! 

[Twopper]

5 minutes ago, LuvMyShows said:

I wish they'd stop using the word 'progress', 'cause most of the time when they talk about it, they actually aren't making any, so now the word is tainted and I don't want to use it in regards to what I'm doing! 

I think we should send them a thesaurus.  The narration drives me crazy.  Not crazy enough to stress eat, but enough to make me want to throw stuff at the tv.

[PrincessPurrsALot]

Mercedes choice to have her children share a bed with her is just another symptom of her severe mental illness resulting from trauma. It's not completely uncommon among folks with her history.  (This is not meant to include folks who are part of the family bed movement; that's a whole other thing).  Having children sleep with you can be a form of personal protection; i.e., no one is going to assault you in front of the kids.  It can also show a fear of loss.   Mercedes has experienced severe trauma and has not found a way through it.  Unfortunately the damage it has done to her is being passed through to her children. She needs long term therapy that sees her weight as a symptom, not a cause.  However, that is not the focus of the show, and she is at a critical health level. 

[Natalie68]

On 5/2/2019 at 5:00 AM, calpurnia99 said:

I had to laugh in the live chat thread when one poster guessed her weight as 711 for the convenience store and then someone else said "I"ll go 747 for the plane" !! ha ha ha ha

She was bigger than the jet plane! 

Again I know they give them nutrition info and sample days of eating, but it seems like they really don't understand that any kind of bacon is no good. Fried fatty foods are no good. It's like they really have no clue how to eat 1200 calories. But I knew she would fail when she said that she was happy to have the food as it was the only thing that helped her get to Houston and she needed it to get home. The kids don't need bacon every day either. 

She can't get a tampon in I guess. But why cant she put a pad on? I guess she cant wear underwear of any sort so she cant stick a pad on one? 

why are the kids sleeping with her where she prepares food, bleeds and pees? Why why why?????

This is what gets me.  They all seem to be able to access the internet.  How hard would it be to figure out the calories for their food?  She really bugged me and I think Dr. Now gives them way too many chances.  There are others who would comply and not waste his services.  I also REALLY wish there were other options for their kids.  No child deserves to live in that sort of home.  The parents may love them but it isn't their job to be caregivers for them.  I had to hand it to her cousin.  He seemed like a real gem doing the best he could for her.

[parrotfeathers]

I think Dr. Now had genuine concern for her.  And I do believe she will never make it.  But at least her children will be free.  Hope that wasn't too harsh.

[SunnyBeBe]

I wonder when the professionals meet with these patients, they really understand how basic their knowledge is about food and nutrition.  I doubt that most of them know a calorie from a cannoli.  Or a carb from carburetor. lol  I suspect that they really can't look at a serving of food and know that it's actually 4 servings of food, not one.  Of course, they can look it up online, but, that would require some motivation and most of them only have that when it comes to the talking points.  Not the actual work. 

[parrotfeathers]

What struck me about Mercedes is she said she only ate one meal a day???

[libgirl2]

2 minutes ago, parrotfeathers said:

What struck me about Mercedes is she said she only ate one meal a day???

I guess she considers the rest to be snacks? 

[Natalie68]

5 hours ago, iwasish said:

1200 calories is a fraction of what these folk eat in one day. Just one large size fast food meal has more than 1200 calories, and they’re consuming 2 or 3 of those meals in one sitting. The breakfast that is supplied to them by their enablers is the equivalent of what a family of 4/5 would eat. 

It seems that none of these patients have a clue as to how much they eat in a day vs how much they should eat. 

I’d like to see them lay out on a table the typical amount of food eaten in one day vs what should be consumed by the patient. It seems they delude themselves about just how much they do eat and also about how much they can eat on the diet. 

I used to watch a BBC show called You Are What You Eat.  It was fascinating!  One of the things Gillian the host would do is have them write down what they ate in a week and then on their 1st visit she would have that entire week long food fest splayed out in a room.  It was enlightening.  She would also have their waste evaluated to see how unhealthful it was and what they were lacking nutritionally (yes it was icky but taught people what healthy poo looked like).  She would palpitate their midsection to see what was going on with their liver etc, it was a real education!  She was kind of a harsh woman but I think that is what these folks need.  They are surrounded by enablers and she wasn't going to be one.  You can still find these on Youtube.

I think many of these folks are smart enough to know they aren't eating right but are very manipulative.  They have iphones so of course they have internet and could actually figure out what makes a 1200 calorie diet.  Dr. Now is always telling them to call him if they need ANYTHING.  Surely if someone called and said I really need help with the food part he would send someone to help them.  Turkey bacon is no better than regular bacon just different animal.  I know it is the same points on WW as pork bacon.  I am so curious how much these people spend on food in a given month.  It has to be astronomical.  

[libgirl2]

13 minutes ago, Natalie68 said:

I used to watch a BBC show called You Are What You Eat.  It was fascinating!  One of the things Gillian the host would do is have them write down what they ate in a week and then on their 1st visit she would have that entire week long food fest splayed out in a room.  It was enlightening.  She would also have their waste evaluated to see how unhealthful it was and what they were lacking nutritionally (yes it was icky but taught people what healthy poo looked like).  She would palpitate their midsection to see what was going on with their liver etc, it was a real education!  She was kind of a harsh woman but I think that is what these folks need.  They are surrounded by enablers and she wasn't going to be one.  You can still find these on Youtube.

I think many of these folks are smart enough to know they aren't eating right but are very manipulative.  They have iphones so of course they have internet and could actually figure out what makes a 1200 calorie diet.  Dr. Now is always telling them to call him if they need ANYTHING.  Surely if someone called and said I really need help with the food part he would send someone to help them.  Turkey bacon is no better than regular bacon just different animal.  I know it is the same points on WW as pork bacon.  I am so curious how much these people spend on food in a given month.  It has to be astronomical.  

I used to watch that show too. I think when someone actually saw a weeks worth of food they were pretty shocked. If I remember correctly most people seemed to feel better with the healthier diet. 

I think while they can look up the calorie counts, they don't want to nor do they care. 

[zillabreeze]

56 minutes ago, Natalie68 said:

.  I am so curious how much these people spend on food in a given month.  It has to be astronomical.  

You and me both!  My occasional treat trip thru Whataburger is $10.  One sandwich & shake (no fries, cause healthy, you know 🙄) These folks have bags that I guess to be $25. +/-.  for one lunch!

I'm in pretty broke mode right now and I can feed myself for $50/week at Aldi's.  $10 is a box of wine 😁.  Eggs, beans, nut milk, some vegs and whatever chicken/fish/ham  is on sale.  

These folks must be dropping $50. Per DAY!  Even if it's only one fast food run and a freezer full of Hot Pockets, deli shit & convienence frozen crap and the SODA!  It's a mystery for the ages.

[Mothra]

Mercedes is caught in a real bind.  I think she understands that if she gives up on the Dr. Now program, she is going to die soon, and I think she wants desperately to be able to go into the hospital as he recommends.  But who will take care of her children?  If this were an easy problem (let them stay with her mother), I think that would have been solved, but apparently the obvious options are not really options.  Maybe Mercedes is using poor judgment (maybe she doesn't trust her mother with her kids, for some reason we're not privy to), but I think she is truly torn.  I think her weigh-in failures were truly due to ignorance, not to lack of trying, and the fact that she would be willing to go into the hospital for this treatment says that she is not trying to deny that she has a problem controlling her intake.  I really think she is desperate for help.  Angelic Brandon asked how long Mercedes would be in the hospital--I'm sure he was about to offer to mind her kids, but the time required was just too much.  I hope hope hope that in some future followup episode we'll find that her sister or someone else stepped up and took care of the kids so Mercedes could go into the hospital.

[kicotan]

1 hour ago, Natalie68 said:

  One of the things Gillian the host would do is have them write down what they ate in a week.

I started seeing the gastroenterologist at the tender age of 17 because of my stomach ulcers, IBD, persistent nausea, etc.

The food diary was mandatory.

I realize this was 35 years ago, but it’s hard for me to imagine that anyone going in for gastrointestinal evaluations wouldn’t have to detail their “eating habit” beyond the office visit where they claim to only eat once a day.

I’m one of those folks that didn’t know a calorie from a carbohydrate because I was always thin-and until menopause hit, could eat whatever I wanted and not gain weight.  My problem is sensitivity/borderline allergy to stuff folks become obese by overeating.  I can’t do more than one fast food visit in a two week period because it makes me, literally, sick.

[zillabreeze]

5 minutes ago, kicotan said:

until menopause hit, 

Preach! Meno is cruel.  I used to drop 25# in two weeks just THINKING about it, and I've always fought with my weight.  Hit 50 and all bets are off.

9 minutes ago, kicotan said:

can’t do more than one fast food visit in a two week period because

It's back to what I have read and tots believe...fast food is engineered to make you want more.  I have no health issues, but 1200 fast food cals make me absolutely lethargic and hungry AGAIN in a lot less time than a decent meal.  

I can sympathize (to a point) with our 600 pounders because that's all they know.  They are on the low end of the socio-econimic scale and truly think that the salt, sugar, fat crap is Actual food.  We don't see regular middle class folks at that obscene size.  

If all you eat is "sugar, salt, fat" the whole body gets out of whack and things like fish and broccoli taste terrible.  

Back to what many have said, these people need a Detox from Crap.  Just like any other addict.  Cleanse the palate!  Then teach shopping, seasoning and cooking skills.  Coping with stress and boredom with something besides food.

My darling neighbor BLEW through her first WLS.  500# down to 150#.  Skin surgery, infections, the whole shebang.  Right back up.  Second WLS is taking.  But fish & veg only. Gym at 6 am. Lemon water only.  Her whole being is about not going back.  I admire her and seriously doubt I could have that drive.

[MakingBacon]

On 5/1/2019 at 7:08 PM, Armchair Critic said:

I just got home in time to catch the last 10 minutes. What is with this season and people not losing the weight? You would think with the popularity of this show they could find people eager to get the surgery. Is it because this show has become popular so people know how to say the right things to get on it (even though they don't intend to follow the plan)?

My guess is that the people eager to work hard and get surgery don’t make good TV. The show likely doesn’t think people who aren’t part of a ridiculous level of dysfunctional family, whose family will eat healthy meals with them, follow the plan, walk, won’t bathe on TV and are geniunely nice people won’t bring ratings.

[KateHearts]

I am noticing (perhaps late in the game) that these scripts-including Dr. Now's- are all written by the same person.  One thing that I find really annoying is their use of the phrase "I need," or "you need" used  inappropriately.  As in:

-"I hope Mercedes starts doing what she needs."

_"I plan to stick to the diet to lose the weight I need."

It's like they don't finish the thought.  

And the weird script reading/narration the participants do is ridiculous.  Way over-emoted and fake.

I need to go back and watch the first shows and see how much it's changed.  Back then, people actually got the surgery and we watched them struggle with cravings or complications. Much more interesting than watching Dr. Now give instructions that the obese guy/woman just ignores as they eat their not-so-merry way into the grave.

[auntjess]

On 5/2/2019 at 3:03 PM, Elizzikra said:

I think that is more or less what Dr. Now does when he admits them to the hospital and puts them on a controlled diet - plus they get PT and medical monitoring. I don't know how much insurance covers. I think that Mercedes said it wasn't "an option" for her because a) she didn't have anyone to care for her kids and b) she didn't want to give up control over her food intake.

I think Mercedes was one person who might really have profited from having a nutritionist visit her, see what she was eating, and advising.
She truly seemed to think that by using turkey bacon, and a few other things, she was doing OK.  She seemed to have no idea of portion size.

[auntjess]

On 5/2/2019 at 4:19 PM, iwasish said:

Have you ever seen the bathrooms in a motor home? Some “normal size” people can barely fit in them. Same with the doorways into it. 

Whitney Thore (My Big Fat...) had a problem this past season, and I'm not sure about the toilet, but know she didn't fit in the shower.

13 hours ago, KateHearts said:

While allowing your children to see your genitals is wildly inappropriate, it's not "flashing" in the sense most generally interpret it. I wouldn't call it sexual assault.  Not that I am okay with it at ALL.

Maybe it shouldn't matter, but on some of the folks, they are so large and misshapen, that some things aren't recognizable anyway.

[CatherineM]

I really think it’s impossible to tell who’s going to get with the program. They all say the right things at first. 

[ams1001]

7 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

There was one - her PCA helps her bathe while she stands in the bathtub. I'm not sure what she did about bathing in Houston as she didn't appear to have a PCA there.

Yeah, and then she went back to her bed "to dry off"...in other words, sat back down dripping wet.

[auntjess]

2 hours ago, zillabreeze said:

These folks must be dropping $50. Per DAY!  Even if it's only one fast food run and a freezer full of Hot Pockets, deli shit & convienence frozen crap and the SODA!  It's a mystery for the ages.

I bet the show pays for some while they're filming, to be an example of what a typical day's eating is.  

6 hours ago, PrincessPurrsALot said:

Mercedes choice to have her children share a bed with her is just another symptom of her severe mental illness resulting from trauma.

I thought, at the beginning, she said her apartment was only one-bedroom, and the children had to sleep with her.  
 

[happy2bhere]

On 5/2/2019 at 1:44 PM, the-grey-lady said:

"How much soda do you drink?"

"A 2-liter. Two or three 2-liters."

Yeah. One 2-liter does not equal two 2-liters, and it certainly does not equal three of them. Math, Mercedes.

"At a time..."

[happy2bhere]

1 hour ago, zillabreeze said:

Preach! Meno is cruel.  I used to drop 25# in two weeks just THINKING about it, and I've always fought with my weight.  Hit 50 and all bets are off.

It's back to what I have read and tots believe...fast food is engineered to make you want more.  I have no health issues, but 1200 fast food cals make me absolutely lethargic and hungry AGAIN in a lot less time than a decent meal.  

I can sympathize (to a point) with our 600 pounders because that's all they know.  They are on the low end of the socio-econimic scale and truly think that the salt, sugar, fat crap is Actual food.  We don't see regular middle class folks at that obscene size.  

If all you eat is "sugar, salt, fat" the whole body gets out of whack and things like fish and broccoli taste terrible.  

Back to what many have said, these people need a Detox from Crap.  Just like any other addict.  Cleanse the palate!  Then teach shopping, seasoning and cooking skills.  Coping with stress and boredom with something besides food.

My darling neighbor BLEW through her first WLS.  500# down to 150#.  Skin surgery, infections, the whole shebang.  Right back up.  Second WLS is taking.  But fish & veg only. Gym at 6 am. Lemon water only.  Her whole being is about not going back.  I admire her and seriously doubt I could have that drive.

I think your observation regarding where the poundticipants generally are on the income scale is very acute.  It looks like a very ugly exploitation of the poor, by fast and unhealthy food suppliers exploiting people who live in food deserts, or who have been poorly educated about their food choices (or both).   It's pretty ugly, really.

[KateHearts]

24 minutes ago, auntjess said:

I thought, at the beginning, she said her apartment was only one-bedroom, and the children had to sleep with her.  

She did say that.  

As for the shared bed, I'm not at all for it; but I do think that's what she feels she has to do in order to have them nearby to help, and because she doesn't have room for more beds.  I can't speculate that it's a facet of mental illness; perhaps she doesn't know any different. 

[parrotfeathers]

3 hours ago, Mothra said:

If this were an easy problem (let them stay with her mother), I think that would have been solved, but apparently the obvious options are not really options.

Maybe deep down she blames her mom for not protecting her from Dad and is afraid for her kids.

1 hour ago, auntjess said:

Whitney Thore (My Big Fat...) had a problem this past season, and I'm not sure about the toilet, but know she didn't fit in the shower.

But wow what a healthy and fabulous life she has (said no one except her).

[Elizzikra]

3 hours ago, Mothra said:

Mercedes is caught in a real bind.  I think she understands that if she gives up on the Dr. Now program, she is going to die soon, and I think she wants desperately to be able to go into the hospital as he recommends.  But who will take care of her children?  If this were an easy problem (let them stay with her mother), I think that would have been solved, but apparently the obvious options are not really options.  Maybe Mercedes is using poor judgment (maybe she doesn't trust her mother with her kids, for some reason we're not privy to), but I think she is truly torn.  I think her weigh-in failures were truly due to ignorance, not to lack of trying, and the fact that she would be willing to go into the hospital for this treatment says that she is not trying to deny that she has a problem controlling her intake.  I really think she is desperate for help.  Angelic Brandon asked how long Mercedes would be in the hospital--I'm sure he was about to offer to mind her kids, but the time required was just too much.  I hope hope hope that in some future followup episode we'll find that her sister or someone else stepped up and took care of the kids so Mercedes could go into the hospital.

I thought mom was still in Cleveland and Mercedes wanted them in Houston with her, so the only choice for childcare if she was hospitalized was Brandon. 

[CringeWatcher]

2 hours ago, auntjess said:

I bet the show pays for some while they're filming, to be an example of what a typical day's eating is.  

I thought, at the beginning, she said her apartment was only one-bedroom, and the children had to sleep with her.  
 

Perhaps if she cut back on the pork products, she could afford a 2 bedroom.

[zillabreeze]

1 hour ago, embarassed2bhere said:

I think your observation regarding where the poundticipants generally are on the income scale is very acute.  It looks like a very ugly exploitation of the poor, by fast and unhealthy food suppliers exploiting people who live in food deserts, or who have been poorly educated about their food choices (or both).   It's pretty ugly, really.

Yes. I am kind of a bleeding Demo.  It's hard since I am a upper middle class kinda fat chick. My parents had the money.  My dinner was meat and veg.  "Eat the broccoli or miss Carol Burnett" End of discussion. 

I really feel for these folks.  It's a horrible life that I can't fathom.  They live in squalor.  No one in their circle knows how to do anything different.

When I visited NYC last year, I got it.  I thought I would grab breakfast at the bodega.  Holy shit!  6 eggs cost the same as 2 dozen eggs at my white bread suburban Costco life.  A little bottle of orange juice, $7 bucks!  Vegs? Only a handful of sad lettuce for $5.

The food desert is a real thing.  Not saying that our 600# folks would do anything different.  I'm just wondering if they might do something different with some education and choices.

[Hannah94]

10 hours ago, calpurnia99 said:

Anyway I LOVE when they tell Dr. Now they don't eat breakfast or they only eat once a day. Whitney Thore likes to brag she only eats once a day. But if that one meal is 6000 calories, no one is impressed by this. Also people who eat a lot late at night, don't have an appetite for breakfast, not impressed.

It's so irritating when they lie to his face. She told him she doesn't eat until after 3 pm. But at the beginning of the show, she clearly said her "friend" comes over every morning and cooks her breakfast - the "stuff she likes - bacon and sausage and eggs". And then she continues with something like "shortly after that my friend (or sister?) brings me lunch and she knows what I like to eat (fried food)." So basically by 3 pm, she has actually consumed a week's worth of food and she has the nerve to tell him she hasn't eaten anything all day. Does she not realize the camera is filming her?

[GoldaVining]

I will not mock Mercedes or criticize her. I realize only she can turn her life around at this point but she is paying for the crimes of her father.

So many valid comments here regarding her poor choices or her inability to care for her children and yes to all....but I want to talk about the MEN. Her father raped her repeatedly from the age of 10. Mercedes is no doubt emotionally stunted due to severe trauma. Was her father held accountable for his crimes? Not bloody likely. And her children's fathers seem to have disappeared. Yes, Mercedes must be responsible for what she puts in her mouth. Yes, she must be responsible for caring for her children and needs to do better. But her father was responsible for what he put in his daughter. And Mercedes' children's fathers have a responsibility to care for their offspring but where are they?

So many fathers just disappear. I am a mother (kids under 10) and my husband is a wonderful father but even when both of us are working full-time jobs, 100% of childcare and household chores are still on me. Somehow my husband just shrugs. But I consider myself lucky because this house and this family is something I always wanted and I genuinely enjoy taking care of both. My husband goes to work and comes home every day and he is a kind father. That's real. I am grateful because I know he could just disappear if he wanted to like so many do.

Edited May 4, 2019 by GoldaVining
clarity

[zillabreeze]

2 hours ago, GoldaVining said:

My husband goes to work and comes home every day and he is a kind father. That's real. I am grateful because I know he could just disappear if he wanted to like so many do.

Yes mam . You are correct.  These days sperm donors just shoot their seed and call it done.

My folks were old school.  Dad worked for.a good life and home.  Mom cooked cleaned and made a nice home for us.  Was it perfect? No.  Was Mom "fulfilled" maybe, maybe not.  But I do know that decades later....we appreciate the hell out of her and what she did.  Two girls and neither are in prison, so yay,!

Happy early mother's day😁 

ETA:

I might have come off kind of flip... Sure didn't mean to .  I'm kinda irritated with the whole "men suck" society.  Yep some men suck.  Some women.suck, too.  

What we do see over & over with the 600# is outright evil fathers/,steps: the damage they do and the women so complacent as to let it happen.

Edited May 4, 2019 by zillabreeze

[Twopper]

14 hours ago, auntjess said:

I thought, at the beginning, she said her apartment was only one-bedroom, and the children had to sleep with her.  

She did, and I think some of us wondered why she didn't have them or her sleep in the living room or get them futons or bunk beds.  I had this running as background when I was dressing to go out on the town last night with the wonderful Mr Twopper, and she mentioned something about a flood and having to move from the first apartment to another apartment before she moved to Houston.

[AZChristian]

16 minutes ago, Twopper said:

She did, and I think some of us wondered why she didn't have them or her sleep in the living room or get them futons or bunk beds.  

Like there's any money left for furniture after they buy the enormous amounts of food she eats?

[Tabbygirl521]

On 5/2/2019 at 10:34 AM, Elizzikra said:

It's a huge slippery slope. First, as a country, we don't dictate much about how parents have to parent their children. They have to keep them fed, clothed, sheltered, educated (to a certain degree) and receiving appropriate healthcare (to a certain degree). As best we can see, Mercedes was managing all those things. 

Her kids have far from an ideal childhood, I agree. Aspects of their childhood will almost certainly have some negative impacts on them into and through adulthood. That said, though, people have wildly different values about every aspect of child rearing, from discipline to chores to nutrition to religion, etc, etc, etc. What I find completely inappropriate might be laudable in another family with different values. 

Second, the child welfare system is overburdened already. We don't have enough foster families, dollars and other resources to care for children who are neglected - not even getting the bare minimum of food, clothing, shelter, education and healthcare. Even if there were legal grounds to remove Mercedes's children from her care, it would be no easy task to find a foster family to take them, together. Not to mention that the research shows that removing children, even abused and neglected ones, from their families of origin, causes trauma. That is not an insignificant concern.

How do we best support these children - whose childhoods aren't ideal but who aren't at a high enough level of risk to need to remove them from their homes? Strengthen supports to families. It didn't seem that Mercedes had a PCA in Houston but she should have, to remove some of the burden on her daughter. They had housing, but it didn't seem adequate - they needed at least one more bedroom. Brandon was a great support to the family but Mercedes was really lucky to have him. Other good supports for families include high quality childcare, early childhood education and public schools. There are lots of ways to help children and families without jumping to removing kids from parents who love them but aren't necessarily caring for them as optimally as they should.

I agree with you that all of these would help, IF they are available and IF the parent can be persuaded to take advantage of this assistance. Mercedes seems a fine example of someone who would resist any effort to have her change her behavior. She certainly wouldn’t be able to transport her kids to any programs or appointments. These kinds of support, I think, set the stage for the next generation to have better information about building healthy lives, but as far as intervention with someone who is as fucked up as Mercedes - I don’t know. She could never change fast enough, even if she cared to, to help her kids  

I’ll also add that some people really seem to need a whacknon the head re: inappropriate bodily display. Even if we accept that some kids are so screwed in life that they have to function as caregivers to someone so mentally ill that they’re eating themselves to death, it cannot be healthy for these kids to have to gaze upon their parent’s constantly exposed (and unclean) genitals. I mean, there’s the obvious Ew factor, but to me it also is the epitome of the worst facets of these poor children being expected to live as if their parent is living in a normal, healthy, productive way. It’s all being normalized for those sweet kids eating a half a cow and a “farm of eggs” for breakfast (thanks to FormerlyHeavyJ for that one, peeing in the bed, straddling an ice cream container with a naked crotch, menstruating directly onto the sheet, sleeping on what appeared to be a shit-stained box spring, sharing this disgusting bed with your children - after they’ve been looking at your vulva all day. Here, son, come give dirty naked mommy a hug. I’m sure that’s not going to damage him at all. And I’m sure Mercedes is not even really aware she’s on display like that. It’s all just beyond insane. 

She seemed to truly love her kids, as well as her mental illness allows. I’m not a big advocate of yanking kids away from loving parents. But this is just plain not right. All the support and education in the world is not going to make a difference to some people, not all they willing or able to allow their children to take advantage of any help. 

I wonder why Kau’lin’s (Jesus) dad did not have custody. 

Also, I really liked Brandon too, but was he one of her feeders? I wasn’t clear on that. 

[gonecrackers]

15 hours ago, GoldaVining said:

I will not mock Mercedes or criticize her. I realize only she can turn her life around at this point but she is paying for the crimes of her father.

So many valid comments here regarding her poor choices or her inability to care for her children and yes to all....but I want to talk about the MEN. Her father raped her repeatedly from the age of 10. Mercedes is no doubt emotionally stunted due to severe trauma. Was her father held accountable for his crimes? Not bloody likely. And her children's fathers seem to have disappeared. Yes, Mercedes must be responsible for what she puts in her mouth. Yes, she must be responsible for caring for her children and needs to do better. But her father was responsible for what he put in his daughter. And Mercedes' children's fathers have a responsibility to care for their offspring but where are they?

So many fathers just disappear. I am a mother (kids under 10) and my husband is a wonderful father but even when both of us are working full-time jobs, 100% of childcare and household chores are still on me. Somehow my husband just shrugs. But I consider myself lucky because this house and this family is something I always wanted and I genuinely enjoy taking care of both. My husband goes to work and comes home every day and he is a kind father. That's real. I am grateful because I know he could just disappear if he wanted to like so many do.

Absolutely!!  SO wrong about these men who get away with so much. I've posted on these boards about not liking how women tend to get all the blame for how the kids turn out, because the man has an influence, even if he's left; that makes an impact as well. It takes two to make them & it takes two to raise them properly. When one (or both) is out or awful, the kids will suffer.

I'm just very sad that we women feel "grateful" for the men who stick around. It shouldn't be that way. 😞 

Edited May 4, 2019 by gonecrackers
clarification

[Mothra]

15 hours ago, embarassed2bhere said:

I think your observation regarding where the poundticipants generally are on the income scale is very acute.  It looks like a very ugly exploitation of the poor, by fast and unhealthy food suppliers exploiting people who live in food deserts, or who have been poorly educated about their food choices (or both).   It's pretty ugly, really.

Agreed.  And poor people are generally less well-educated in the "frills" like nutrition than folks who have time to sit around and worry about what they're eating.  Given that the obesees are almost all unable to prepare food for themselves, they rely on people who maybe work two jobs or have child-care issues to bring them food, people who are not going to have the energy or time to prepare healthy, delicious meals--a quick drive through provides fodder for what the obesee craves without taking much time--and if the obesee is paying, not much money, either.  Assuming the obesees are on limited budgets, another advantage of drive-through meals is that you know ahead of time exactly what your food is going to cost and can plan accordingly, even though that food is very expensive.

I think of fast food addiction sort of like addiction to opiods--the manufacturers of oxycontin knew it was addictive, yet pushed it to doctors as non-addictive; fast food, we have learned too late, is also addictive.  Hell, compare it to state lotteries--addictive and mostly appealing to lower-income people.  The exploitation of the poor for the benefit of the owners of these corporations continues, and we find it entertaining.  I don't think we pounders are heartless, though; our posts are mostly trying to understand what's going on with the obesees and how they could do better.  We snark, but we don't mock (if there is a difference).

See you all in hell.

[ProTourist]

12 hours ago, GoldaVining said:

So many fathers just disappear. I am a mother (kids under 10) and my husband is a wonderful father but even when both of us are working full-time jobs, 100% of childcare and household chores are still on me. Somehow my husband just shrugs. But I consider myself lucky because this house and this family is something I always wanted and I genuinely enjoy taking care of both. My husband goes to work and comes home every day and he is a kind father. That's real. I am grateful because I know he could just disappear if he wanted to like so many do.

No, he loves his family and his home. He couldn't just disappear because he would be unhappy without you and the children. He's as lucky as you are. 😍

[Elizzikra]

Quote

Also, I really liked Brandon too, but was he one of her feeders? I wasn’t clear on that. 

She said he was her cousin.

[happy2bhere]

On 5/2/2019 at 6:39 PM, essexjan said:

I'm just watching this episode now and I noticed something that totally grossed me out. In the scene where she's waiting for Dr Lola to arrive, there's a shot of the bed and the base on which the mattress is sitting is completely covered with brown/yellowish-red stains. The only thing I could think of is that Mercedes had shit/pissed/bled through a previous mattress to the point of destruction all the way through to the base and a new mattress was just replaced on the foul base. It made me heave.

My impression from that scene was that the mattress itself is simply covered by a fitted sheet, so we can't see it, and that it likely is worse than that terrible base.

[LuvMyShows]

On 5/3/2019 at 4:21 PM, Natalie68 said:

I am so curious how much these people spend on food in a given month.  It has to be astronomical.  

And not just take-out.  A bag of potato chips is quite expensive, and lasts about three seconds for the poundticipants.  Likewise with a container of ice cream and a package of cookies.

22 hours ago, embarassed2bhere said:

I think your observation regarding where the poundticipants generally are on the income scale is very acute.  It looks like a very ugly exploitation of the poor, by fast and unhealthy food suppliers exploiting people who live in food deserts, or who have been poorly educated about their food choices (or both).   It's pretty ugly, really.

20 hours ago, zillabreeze said:

I really feel for these folks.  It's a horrible life that I can't fathom.  They live in squalor. 

The food desert is a real thing.  Not saying that our 600# folks would do anything different.  I'm just wondering if they might do something different with some education and choices.

Yes, but...  In reality, there is no "these folks" when it comes to obesity.  It is a nationwide epidemic that is not restricted to the poor.  Would education and choices help some of the poor and obese?  Maybe.  But there are sooo many obese who are not poor, don't live in squalor, are educated, and have choices.  We've seen some on M600PL, and yet they've made it to the show  The original family on Family By the Ton also comes to mind.  Very likable family, living in neat homes, well dressed, treated each other well, appeared to be educated and with food options, yet they were very very obese.  

22 hours ago, KateHearts said:

She did say that.  

As for the shared bed, I'm not at all for it; but I do think that's what she feels she has to do in order to have them nearby to help, and because she doesn't have room for more beds. 

She easily has room for two cots for the kids, fold up and away during the day, nearby at night.  No feces/menstrual fluid/urine.  It's about what's good for them, versus what's good for her.   

[kicotan]

7 hours ago, Mothra said:

I think of fast food addiction sort of like addiction to opiods--the manufacturers of oxycontin knew it was addictive, yet pushed it to doctors as non-addictive

I woke up from surgery in the recovery room to the sound of my voice screaming, gasping for breath, tears already running down my cheeks...

The first thing I remember hearing was the staff discussing my Demerol shots...they just kept pushing them into my IV until I shut up.

My torso felt like it was on FIRE, like it had exploded, burning pain to the point I couldn’t speak.

After enough Demerol shots, I shut up, because although I still felt the same excruciating pain, I no longer cared.  I was at a mental point where, yeah, it hurt like nothing I’d ever felt before, but, so what.  No more screaming.

I can’t imagine that a trip to my local fast food joint could satiate extreme physical pain the same way as an opioid, but maybe it is the equivalent for mental pain?

[Twopper]

9 hours ago, Tabbygirl521 said:

Also, I really liked Brandon too, but was he one of her feeders? I wasn’t clear on that. 

He was a cousin.  In the intro she had 2 feeders that we know of---the boy's father who took both children to school (the one that cooked the breakfast that would feed a football team) and her sister who came by with the fast food.  I think the sister was overweight, but she was nothing like Mercedes.   I did not have the impression Brandon was a feeder, but I don't think he knew enough to question her portion sizes or food choices when they moved to Houston.  And even if he did think she was still over-eating, he probably felt it was wise to be silent.

I think many of the enablers live in fear and denial.  Otherwise when someone says they don't eat breakfast or they just eat an orange, the companion would burst into hysterical roll-on-the -floor type laughter. 

[Brooklynista]

37 minutes ago, LuvMyShows said:

And not just take-out.  A bag of potato chips is quite expensive, and lasts about three seconds for the poundticipants.  Likewise with a container of ice cream and a package of cookies.

Yes, but...  In reality, there is no "these folks" when it comes to obesity.  It is a nationwide epidemic that is not restricted to the poor.  Would education and choices help some of the poor and obese?  Maybe.  But there are sooo many obese who are not poor, don't live in squalor, are educated, and have choices.  We've seen some on M600PL, and yet they've made it to the show  The original family on Family By the Ton also comes to mind.  Very likable family, living in neat homes, well dressed, treated each other well, appeared to be educated and with food options, yet they were very very obese.  

She easily has room for two cots for the kids, fold up and away during the day, nearby at night.  No feces/menstrual fluid/urine.  It's about what's good for them, versus what's good for her.   

My mind sadly wondered what those two kids went to school smelling like. Odor like that has to permeate everything in that apartment. I only hope kids at their school are somewhat understanding and have compassion. 

[fonfereksglen]

13 minutes ago, Brooklynista said:

My mind sadly wondered what those two kids went to school smelling like. Odor like that has to permeate everything in that apartment. I only hope kids at their school are somewhat understanding and have compassion. 

Sadly, after watching the two Hoarders shows, it is a serious problem for the kids.  Many of the teens addressed that issue on camera.

From personal experience as a junior high teacher in the 70s and 80s, it was not an uncommon problem.  However, back in the day, we had soap, shampoo and a ton of extra towels in the gym locker rooms.  Couldn't do much about the smelly clothes and talking to the parents fell on deaf ears.  We actually had a mother of a marginally low IQ special needs boy tell the PE teacher that she did not believe in personal hygiene.

Legally, it is a troublesome that more can be done for animals than children.  But that's the legal world as it is.

[Julyolo]

On 5/2/2019 at 10:29 PM, Elizzikra said:

I completely disagree that what Mercedes is doing to her children is worse than what her father did to her. Mercedes was repeatedly raped by her own father throughout her childhood. Honestly, I can’t think of trauma that would be much worse and leave you alive. While Mercedes’s children have to help care for her and they don’t have an ideal childhood, it was clear to me that she loves them and they feel loved by her. They are safe and cared for. I don’t think it’s a bad thing that Mercedes has help caring for them - one of their “helpers” was her son’s own father and the other (Brandon) was also a family member. Plenty of families have childcare help. Should they see their mom’s genitals - no. Is it ideal for them to see her horrible eating habits and eat the same thing themselves? No. But plenty of otherwise good parents smoke, drink, overeat, fail to exercise and engage in all sorts of other unhealthy behaviors in front of their kids. 

The more I learn about sexual abuse and trauma, the more I become convinced that it’s absolutely one of the most damaging, if not the most damaging things that can happen to anyone. One instance is bad enough; repeated rape, by a parent no less, is almost unfathomable. I would wish a better life for Mercedes’s children but I have incredible sympathy for Mercedes. 

Appreciated your perspective! My concern is they see her genitals daily in addition to bedsharing with her.  It is emotional incest. She chose to share her traumatic backstory, as opposed to her father outing her. I hope her children had the choice as to whether their lifestyle would be OUTED on a national show.  Kids can be treated cruelly by their peers when a lifestyle like this is exposed in their community.

Edited May 5, 2019 by Julyolo
Edit

[calpurnia99]

Wasn't she already morbidly obese when her father raped her? It's always I got fat, and I ate a lot then this happened and I got even fatter. Then I got even fatter and then this happened, that made me really eat and get even fatter. Then I got raped by a relative, boy that made me eat!