19 Things I Hate About You: How the Duggars Infuriate

[Wellfleet]

Yeah, I know the look you're referring to. It's one thing to have the 2 day growth "thing" and maintain it with clippers vs the scraggly look Derick is sporting. He's got bald patches in there and his growth is more like "week old". He can't carry off the look properly bc he can't grow a proper beard due to lack of facial hair. My brother has the same problem -- he doesn't have enough facial hair and should just maintain a clean shaven look. My husband, on the other hand, can grow a beard by just thinking about it, lol! He can sport the look in a day or two and grow a full thick beard in three weeks, though he goes completely clean shaven these days bc it's more professional for his job.

 

That's it. THAT'S what bothers me about Derick's look. He's patchy. IMO - definitely not the best look for him. But apparently his Muffin must love it...

[msblossom]

I would love to see a reality show called "2 kids and done" featuring a family in which education is valued, boys and girls are treated as equals, kids are allowed to choose their own friends, pets are loved, there are no guns lying around, and other people's viewpoints are respected. Other than The Little Couple, that kind of breath of fresh air is sorely lacking on TLC.

I hear you, but that pretty much resembles the average American family -- or close to it, doesn't it? Most people aren't tuning into TLC to watch a day in the life of...their own family. Unless the family on the show was particularly winsome, humorous, or quirky.

[awaken]

This is so superficial but something that has been bugging me are the haircuts on Derick and Ben. And I'll throw in Derick's scraggly/baldy looking (?)beard too. Derick looks like a grown up version of an orphan out of Charles Dickens' Oliver Twist. And Ben, well...helmet-head.

 

Oh- ha ha ha ha ha!  Love this.  This is exactly what I was thinking, but couldn't put it into words.  I was totally noticing this in tonight's episode.  Love the thought of Derick the grown-up Oliver Twist!  "More please?"

 

Keep in mind that while there's no kissing or hugging, Jessa (and the other girls!) are allowed to "do" Ben's hair all they want for appearances sake. I imagine the helmet hair is a result of his hair being "done" a lot.

Derick's hair is the opposite. Jill doesn't need to take care of it now, and he, obviously, could care less.

 

Yes, I just love how intimately the girls, even those not engaged to the men, could stand smack dab in front of their faces doing their hair.  Crazy that that's ok but a normal hug in greeting is not.

[msblossom]

https://owenscotteng1102.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/oliver.jpg

http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/353/c/c/oliver_twist_the_artful_dodger_by_talichibi-d358561.jpg

Edited March 18, 2015 by msblossom

[galax-arena]

And for all this they are handsomely rewarded by TLC, which views them as a cash cow.

I think in a way TLC bugs me more than the Duggars where this is concerned, because without TLC there'd be no platform. And 19 Kids' juxtaposition with the network's upcoming special on transgender teenager Jazz Jennings just drives that point home for me. On one side, you have TLC making a documentary about Jazz; on the other side, you have TLC promoting and giving a platform to a hateful family that wants to criminalize who Jazz is. I'm not surprised - TLC's a business, businesses are often amoral and all about the bottom dollar - but it still rankles, man. I look at that vivacious, beautiful girl and think, "The Duggars think that she's a sexual predator." And it makes me boil. 

Edited March 18, 2015 by galax-arena

[HelenaBeat]

When Josh and Anna went to D.C. to check out housing, Anna was hugely pregnant with Marcus and was pushing the stroller with both kids and holding bags on her arm.   Josh was holding nothing and walking way ahead of her.  What is up with that?   He couldnt push that heavy stroller with both kids or carry anything?   

 

Michelle's baby voice is very fake and annoying.

Josh is just as bad as JimBoob, I don't think I've ever seen someone quite so annoying and rude as him. I mean, Anna was hugely pregnant and looked so tired, probably had jet lag from flying so late during her pregnancy and had to push stroller while house hunting! Talk about stressful! Also, when she was first on the show, she had somewhat more of a personality as well, a little sparkle in her eye, ya know? Now she says things like, "Even though Priscilla is older than me, I got married first AND had kids first!" while visiting her sister, and "I'm so happy for you! A little, jealous *insert annoying giggle* but happy!" upon finding out that Jill was pregnant. Is it a fucking competition?! I'm Christian by the way, and just please don't confuse Quiverfull beliefs with Christian beliefs. I don't think I need to have 20 kids to feel whole. I don't care about physical modesty and skirt-wearing, I care about the metaphorical modesty (hoping I'm using that word correctly, lol) my heart and soul. I have the vocabulary of a well educated sailor, and have since I was 14. I dance. I listen to shit music on the radio. But I care about my heart, and accepting people as they are because that's what Jesus does. Anyway, sorry, I kinda went off topic a few times there, lol.

[HelenaBeat]

Agree. I know it's "the look" these days, but I don't like these five-o-clock-shadow beards a lot of kids Derick's age have now. You can't tell if the boys are starting a beard, just got back from a few days in the woods - or are just plain unkempt and sloppy. Either grow a full beard and keep it nicely-trimmed - or shave. Make a decision - you're an adult now. Well, legally anyway.

Yeah, to any guys out there, keep it clean or keep it full, the stubble hurts my thighs.

[HelenaBeat]

It's the intolerance that gets to me. Boob and Mullet teach their chidren homophobia and disdain for people of other religions and those who don't subscribe to their rightwing political agenda.

They are free to practice their faith and hold strong beliefs. But they don't seem to understand that tolerance, understanding, and respect for honest differences helps hold our multi-cultural country together. With them it's "My way or the highway."

I try to tolerate other people. That kinda sounds like I'm being an asshole, like I'm resignedly saying that but that's not the case. I don't support gay or transgender rights. I also don't think that they're "sexual predators". I think some of them are. I also think some straight men and women are. I don't support it, but I do try to be tolerant because that's what Jesus does. However, what I won't tolerate are hypocrites. I don't like the Duggars' think that the Quiverfull beliefs are bizarre, and in some ways just wrong. But people complain about them not supporting gay rights, and say they're stupid for going to Creationism museums and believe in God, and then start ranting about how stupid their faith is. They are literally complaining that the Duggars' don't believe in something, and then turning around and acting just like them by bashing their religion. I don't know, just my opinion. They're extremely annoying, but no one is all bad and being a Christian myself I thought I'd give my opinion on this.

[galax-arena]

But people complain about them not supporting gay rights, and say they're stupid for going to Creationism museums and believe in God, and then start ranting about how stupid their faith is. They are literally complaining that the Duggars' don't believe in something, and then turning around and acting just like them by bashing their religion.

It's not the same thing at all, because I'm not advocating taking away minority rights the way the Duggars are. Plus, I don't think anyone here has called the Duggars stupid for believing in God, and IMO framing the argument that way is disingenuously making people here out to be anti-Christian/anti-theist in general. I'm pretty sure a lot of the posters here believe in God themselves and dislike the Duggars for giving Christianity a bad name.

 

And it's a good thing I have this article bookmarked, because I feel like I have to bust it out every so often when the issue of being tolerant of the Duggars' intolerance arises: Tolerating Intolerance Will Not Be Tolerated Here.

Edited March 18, 2015 by galax-arena

[HelenaBeat]

It's not the same thing at all, because I'm not advocating taking away minority rights the way the Duggars are. Plus, I don't think anyone here has called the Duggars stupid for believing in God, and IMO framing the argument that way is disingenuously making people here out to be anti-Christian/anti-theist in general. I'm pretty sure a lot of the posters here believe in God themselves and dislike the Duggars for giving Christianity a bad name. And it's a good thing I have this article bookmarked, because I feel like I have to bust it out every so often when the issue of being tolerant of the Duggars' intolerance arises: Tolerating Intolerance Will Not Be Tolerated Here.

No you're absolutely right no one has said those things here, (as far as I know) I was just reminded of it when I saw the word tolerance. I'm Christian and I definitely think they're giving Christianity a bad name. Sorry if I offended you or anything like that. :)

[WTFFF]

I don't care if the Duggars believe in gay rights or whatever.  That's their business.  What I care about is them thinking that those beliefs mean they have the right to take them away from other people.

 

I don't share many of their religious beliefs (I think Creationism is a load of crap, and I think that evolution is far more awe-inspiring and God-affirming than Creationism anyway!), but I'm not trying to make it illegal for them to believe in it.  And that's the difference. 

 

I tolerate everyone's right to believe what they want; I don't tolerate their belief that those beliefs mean they get to dictate how other people live their lives.  If something doesn't affect you in the slightest, but you fight against it anyway because of something you think the Bible says, you're an asshole, and being an asshole is not something I will ever be tolerant of.

[Wellfleet]

I don't care if the Duggars believe in gay rights or whatever.  That's their business.  What I care about is them thinking that those beliefs mean they have the right to take them away from other people.

 

I don't share many of their religious beliefs (I think Creationism is a load of crap, and I think that evolution is far more awe-inspiring and God-affirming than Creationism anyway!), but I'm not trying to make it illegal for them to believe in it.  And that's the difference. 

 

I tolerate everyone's right to believe what they want; I don't tolerate their belief that those beliefs mean they get to dictate how other people live their lives.  If something doesn't affect you in the slightest, but you fight against it anyway because of something you think the Bible says, you're an asshole, and being an asshole is not something I will ever be tolerant of.

 

Sorry, but just clicking a thumbs-up Like button won't do it for me here. I just LOVE-LOVE-LOVE-LOVE-LOVE this post - and Amen!

[Barb23]

How come Jill & Jessa had to have a chaperone at the actual engagement & Josh didn't? I watched the rerun of the Smuggar's engagement yesterday & Josh said he arranged with the Kellers that they would leave the table at the restaurant so he could ask Anna in private. Double standard?

[Absolom]

Left the table but perhaps didn't leave the room?  Also it was in a restaurant after all so they had staff and other customers.  Both of them had a camera crew, too.  

[Hpmec]

Barb23, you make a good point. No one old enough and mature enough to propose should have to do so in the presence of a 3rd party. That is ridiculous. Of course in Josh's case the cameras were rolling, so technically he and Anna weren't alone. The Duggars' insistence that a chaperone be present at all times when their daughters are courting/engaged says they don't trust them. Sooner or later one of their kids is going to respectfully tell Boob and J'chelle to shove it, and I hope cameras are around when it happens.

[Shugardrawers]

If each courting couple is allowed to make their own rules then why do they need a chaperone?  Boob's head would explode if they even kissed while engaged let alone did anything more.  They are SO not allowed to make their own choices here.

[Mrsjumbo]

Exactly. I would love for one of them to say, "WE'VE decided that kissing during courtship is ok. And we don't want a chaperone after we're engaged. We're adults, for God's sake!"

[GEML]

Chaperones are the responsibility of the young woman's side, I believe. So perhaps the Kellers were simply more trusting or more thoughtful.

[Barb23]

IIRC, Michaela Bates & her fiance decided they could hug during the courtship and or engagement. Her reasoning is that she is a hugger type person, who greets everyone with a front hug, so why would she not be allowed to hug the one she loves the most? Good for her!

[Skittl1321]

 

who greets everyone with a front hug

The fact that this has to be specified as type of hug kind of cracks me up.

[3girlsforus]

IIRC, Michaela Bates & her fiance decided they could hug during the courtship and or engagement. Her reasoning is that she is a hugger type person, who greets everyone with a front hug, so why would she not be allowed to hug the one she loves the most? Good for her!

 

See this kind of thing I can respect. She clearly thought about it and made a rational decision. And more importantly SHE made the decision. Not her parents or some cult overlord. 

[ShaNaeNae]

I mentioned this before way back when, but I need to bring it up again.

Why do they think the only kind of couple that works and the only way to be is a balanced couple? That's all they talk about, how the two people have different personality traits, so they balance each other.... God forbid they act the same.

[JoanArc]

I mentioned this before way back when, but I need to bring it up again.

Why do they think the only kind of couple that works and the only way to be is a balanced couple? That's all they talk about, how the two people have different personality traits, so they balance each other.... God forbid they act the same.

 

I think implicit in all these couples is a 'ministry mindset' ie shilling out for their brand of fundies for all to see. The need a nice balanced 'look' (media profile) for that.

[Wellfleet]

I mentioned this before way back when, but I need to bring it up again.

Why do they think the only kind of couple that works and the only way to be is a balanced couple? That's all they talk about, how the two people have different personality traits, so they balance each other.... God forbid they act the same.

 

IMO, because the Duggars and their ilk can only deal with one concept or idea at a time. They are not pluralistic, they don't question much if anything and they can't accept that people are different and react differently in the same situations. They think there's only one "good way" to do everything and if you're a "good person" that's how you do it. People who think differently from them are weak, misguided, uninformed or basically being led by Satan. They can't handle gray areas, compromise, or the idea that a combination of factors can be responsible for anything. Especially a combination they cannot predict. And if they can't forecast it, they won't be able to control it. By keeping things simple, they keep things Yes or No, black or white, good or bad. And most importantly, under control.

Edited March 26, 2015 by Wellfleet

[Barb23]

I mentioned this before way back when, but I need to bring it up again.

Why do they think the only kind of couple that works and the only way to be is a balanced couple? That's all they talk about, how the two people have different personality traits, so they balance each other.... God forbid they act the same.

And the guy always has to have certain traits that will "make him a good father." How many times have we heard that?

[GEML]

IMO, because the Duggars and their ilk can only deal with one concept or idea at a time. They are not pluralistic, they don't question much if anything and they can't accept that people are different and react differently in the same situations. They think there's only one "good way" to do everything and if you're a "good person" that's how you do it. People who think differently from them are weak, misguided, uninformed or basically being led by Satan. They can't handle gray areas, compromise, or the idea that a combination of factors can be responsible for anything. Especially a combination they cannot predict. And if they can't forecast it, they won't be able to control it. By keeping things simple, they keep things Yes or No, black or white, good or bad. And most importantly, under control.

Can really improve on this except to say anything that fall outside of their simplistic ideas is often anxiety producing. So much less stressful to stay within the boundaries.

[Skittl1321]

God forbid they act the same.

Man, Duggar threads mess me up. I was trying to figure out what Bible verse you might be referring to where God did this.

 

Uh, duh, it's an expression.

[Literata]

And the guy always has to have certain traits that will "make him a good father."

 

What would those traits be in Bin? Broad shoulders? Big biceps? Nice ass? Inability to speak coherently?

[GEML]

I think he's genuinely patient and calm. He's not like Jim Bob at all in those regards. Ben said himself that he's slow to anger and tends to be silent when he's angry - given that I think Jim Bob probably has a pretty nasty temper behind the scenes and Michelle admits to screaming which is why she uses the little girl voice now, Jessa, old enough to remember the full brunt of that, likely appreciates that.

In fact, all three Duggar children this far have married people that share a patient with children and likely slow to anger personality. I don't think that is coincidence, and I don't think it's their lauded "opposites attract" because while I could see Josh and Jessa yelling (Jessa admits it) I don't see Jill doing so.

[Shugardrawers]

I've also noticed that on the rare times we see it, they only "side hug" their own children.  Are they so screwed in the head that they think actually hugging their own child will give them "impure" thoughts??  

[Mrsjumbo]

Yes, that seems so weird & unnatural. And the older girls hug each other this way too.

[pinguina]

Coming from a Hispanic family, as a girl, I had more rules to follow than my brothers. HOWEVER, I remember my father specifically telling me all through school, "You can be anything.  What do you want to learn/be?"  as well as, "When you go to college..."  Always WHEN never IF!  I would see my non-Hispanic friends having and doing things that I would never think of doing.  Because despite the rules and restrictions that I had growing up, it came to a point that my parents had to trust that they had instilled morals and good judgement in me.  This consistently led me (even now as a college educated, fully employed, independent, responsible adult) to always think, "How will doing X affect me? Affect my perception of myself? How my parents look at me?"  So looking at these particular parents, how can they not trust their children to do "the right thing" , "make the right choice" if they have such a strong belief system?  Don't they have faith in what they say they strongly believe and what they say they have taught their children? Or as some have said, is it just a big control issue, getting pleasure over being in charge of every aspect of another person's (or in this case 17 + people - even the allegedly grown-up married ones) life and life choices?  

The biggest sadness to me is that their children have no opportunity to explore the world (even though they have seen more of the world than I have).  It's not even the lack of an education (because there are so many ways to explore ones strengths and interests) it's that  they have denied their children opportunities to be the best of who they are.  It just makes me feel so sad for them.  The choice to make their own decisions and learn from their mistakes is a crucial part of growing up.  

[Wellfleet]

I've also noticed that on the rare times we see it, they only "side hug" their own children.  Are they so screwed in the head that they think actually hugging their own child will give them "impure" thoughts??  

 

Yep, they are indeed.

[Barb23]

I watched the episode this morning when Jill & Boob met Derick in Nepal. I still can't get over how Boob acted when Derick asked to court Jill. Boob acted so solemn like he was getting a cancer diagnosis. He told Derick he wished MEchelle was there to discuss with her. Since they knew what the trip involved, to see how Jill & Derick got along, didn't Boob & MEchelle discuss ahead of time that Derick may ask to court Jill? Boob doesn't really tell Derick Yes, he says something along the lines of "Let's see what Jill thinks." As I said before, I think Boob didn't give a definite Yes or No because he was afraid if things didn't work out, he didn't want Jill to blame him. "Well you thought he was the guy for me" kind of thing. Boob acted the same way when Derick asked him to marry Jill.

I still think part of the push to get the girls courting & marrying was the courtships & marriages in the Bates' family. No way was Boob going to allow Gil to get ahead of him in that way. Everything is a competition with Boob.

[galax-arena]

I've also noticed that on the rare times we see it, they only "side hug" their own children.  Are they so screwed in the head that they think actually hugging their own child will give them "impure" thoughts??

There was an infamous "modesty survey" making the Internet rounds a few years ago. A lot of the participants were guys cut from Duggar-ish cloth. One of the questions was whether "impure" thoughts were an issue when it was the boy's sister wearing immodest clothing. It was distressing how many guys said that yes, it was still a problem. 

[Barb23]

There was an infamous "modesty survey" making the Internet rounds a few years ago. A lot of the participants were guys cut from Duggar-ish cloth. One of the questions was whether "impure" thoughts were an issue when it was the boy's sister wearing immodest clothing. It was distressing how many guys said that yes, it was still a problem.

I remember reading about that. If the guys replied that way, it doesn't say much for how they were raised. When you think about it, it's actually sick they would think about their sister that way.

[Shugardrawers]

I actually think it's fairly normal for an adolescent boy to have BRIEF FLEETING "impure" thoughts as he sees his sister mature and become a sexual being.  What's sick is dwelling on it or acting on it in any manner.  Obviously the Duggars have no impulse control or sense of right and wrong within themselves since they must have someone else accountable for their actions at all times.  Even if the accounter is 7 and the accountee is 25.  Now THAT'S sick!

[Janet Snakehole]

I just watched the wedding special last night that showed Jill's wedding. I was so annoyed that Jim Bob was at the ceremony and was the one to let Derrick know he could kiss Jill. Does he really need to dictate everything? I mean they were married at that point, couldn't he butt out?

At what point does that level of involvement end?

Also! And this is completely shallow, but if the girls are allowed to wear makeup to show their countenance, why can't they go to a dermatologist? I feel bad for them, acne sucks.

Edited March 28, 2015 by Janet Snakehole

[truthtalk2014]

Also! And this is completely shallow, but if the girls are allowed to wear makeup to show their countenance, why can't they go to a dermatologist? I feel bad for them, acne sucks.

They are saving all the doctor dollars for MEchelle's infertility treatments. 

[andromeda331]

I still think part of the push to get the girls courting & marrying was the courtships & marriages in the Bates' family. No way was Boob going to allow Gil to get ahead of him in that way. Everything is a competition with Boob.

 

 

 I've believed this since the first Duggar courtship was announced. The show went on for years with only Josh married and many of his siblings getting older becoming adults and not a courtship in sight. But once the Bates started getting a lot of attention for their courtships and weddings suddenly the Duggars have courtships.

[JoanArc]

 

At what point does that level of involvement end?

 

It hasn't yet. All three married kids are well controlled by Jim Bob.

[JenCarroll]

They are saving all the doctor dollars for MEchelle's infertility treatments.

That's a horrifying thought. Hey, MEchelle, seasons of life, remember?

[Muffyn]

I just watched the wedding special last night that showed Jill's wedding. I was so annoyed that Jim Bob was at the ceremony and was the one to let Derrick know he could kiss Jill. Does he really need to dictate everything? I mean they were married at that point, couldn't he butt out?

At what point does that level of involvement end?

Also! And this is completely shallow, but if the girls are allowed to wear makeup to show their countenance, why can't they go to a dermatologist? I feel bad for them, acne sucks.

Boob and MEchelle are so sex obsessed, I'm surprised they haven't done premarital genital inspections and provided a step-by-step guide to the "kids'" first sexual experiences.  Heck, I can see Boob and MEchelle sitting in the corner of the bedroom, directing the action.  Boob:  Okay Derrick, you can enter Jill now.

[GEML]

What's sad is they are sex obsessed, but stuck at the maturity level of 15 year olds. So it's not as though they could offer their children real help or insight - still icky, but perhaps helpful. No, it's all about Legos and giggling and holes in one.

[SoSueMe]

I must have missed the golf course shenanigans, maybe someone could reference the episode or ballpark the year/season for me, please? I can't even imagine....

Thanks in advance. 

[dillpickles]

The thing that annoys me most about the duggars is the little experiences the kids are missing out on. Like, I get wanting "to protect the hearts of your children",but you just can't do that all the time. Your kids aren't going to be able to grow without a little heartbreak.

It feels like all the Duggar kids are just pre-approved versions of the people they should be. They'll never be in tune with themselves, and in turn, they'll never be truly happy.

[allonsyalice]

I must have missed the golf course shenanigans, maybe someone could reference the episode or ballpark the year/season for me, please? I can't even imagine....

Thanks in advance. 

Season 8 episode 2, according to delishows.to. Double Dating Duggars. It was when Ben and Jessa had just started courting and Michelle and Jim Bob took them mini golfing for a double date. and uhm. Jim Bob was humping Michelle right there on the golf course and it was disgusting. 

[Dejana]

I must have missed the golf course shenanigans, maybe someone could reference the episode or ballpark the year/season for me, please? I can't even imagine....

Thanks in advance. 

 

Jim Bob and Michelle went on a mini-golf double date with Jessa/Ben and were quite affectionate with each other. Here's a snarky recap from Best Week Ever:

 

Edited March 29, 2015 by Dejana

[SoSueMe]

Season 8 episode 2, according to delishows.to. Double Dating Duggars. It was when Ben and Jessa had just started courting and Michelle and Jim Bob took them mini golfing for a double date. and uhm. Jim Bob was humping Michelle right there on the golf course and it was disgusting. 

 

 

Jim Bob and Michelle went on a mini-golf double date with Jessa/Ben and were quite affectionate with each other. Here's a snarky recap from Best Week Ever:

 

Oh my. Thank you both so much. Now if I might bother you for some eye/brain bleach....

[cmr2014]

 

It feels like all the Duggar kids are just pre-approved versions of the people they should be. They'll never be in tune with themselves, and in turn, they'll never be truly happy.

 

So much this.

 

I think that those kids are under a tremendous amount of pressure to be the perfect, godly children that their parents want them to be  

 

It's one thing for parents to try to control the actions of their children (although for adult children, this seems out of line to me, too), but JB and J'chelle want (and expect) control over thoughts, feelings, and desires, too. I'm sure that all of the children (including Jill) have had thoughts and desires outside of the Gothard approved script, and I think that these things case them shame and fear.