Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[MaryPatShelby]

On 3/14/2017 at 1:12 PM, CoderLady said:

And forensic teams gathering evidence at crime scenes, lab workers, military personnel in uniform, cops, first responders at disaster scenes, and many other people where given a chance to work safely or look telegenic, just say "Fuck it -- I'm having a good hair day" and go with it.

That's one of the things I liked about the British show, The Fall.  Every single time there was a murder (and there were several), the entire team, even cops who were not gathering evidence, was gowned/gloved/hooded/bootie-ed/masked.  On American TV, latex gloves are the only things needed to wander around and work a crime scene.

[Raja]

3 hours ago, MaryPatShelby said:

That's one of the things I liked about the British show, The Fall.  Every single time there was a murder (and there were several), the entire team, even cops who were not gathering evidence, was gowned/gloved/hooded/bootie-ed/masked.  On American TV, latex gloves are the only things needed to wander around and work a crime scene.

I have noticed that since the days of Prime Suspect. However there was a short lived 1989 David Soul show that was sort of a cross between CSI and Criminal Minds called Unsub where the FBI Agents at a crime scene wore white clean suits like on the British crime dramas.

Edited March 26, 2017 by Raja

[Raspberry Streusel]

On 3/20/2017 at 9:01 AM, Katy M said:

I'm a secretary and that makes me feel like I'm doing it all wrong.  My standard response is, "he's in his office, go on back."  Even if I've never seen the person before, LOL.

LOLOL! They look at you like you were supposed to do something. In my 20's that happened to me. The secretary isn't a bodyguard. 

[Katy M]

8 hours ago, Raspberry Streusel said:

LOLOL! They look at you like you were supposed to do something. In my 20's that happened to me. The secretary isn't a bodyguard. 

Yeah, I know right.  If your job is to keep people out of the office, they ought to give you a gun or something with the job.  I mean, I was kind of kidding before.  I don't ALWAYS say go on back.  Like, if he's on the phone or something, or if I the person is clearly a salesperson or something. But, we're a small company in a small town.  My boss is most likely going to want to see someone who pops in.

[zxy556575]

The number of people who climb out bathroom windows on TV has gotta be 1000:1 compared to the number who do it IRL.

First off, I don't remember ever being in a restaurant, gas station, or company bathroom that has a window, much less one roomy enough to escape out of. Home TV bathrooms often seem to be on the 2nd floor, but even in a single story structure, the wriggler is basically being extruded out the window to land on his/her head.

I measured the single hung casement window in my bathroom, and the section that opens is 18" x 18". I'll grant that a small person (not me even if the house was on fire) could possibly squeeze through that.

[Bastet]

I have a bathroom window I could easily fit through to get out, especially because I have retractable screens, so I wouldn't even have to mess with that (there is the fact I'd land in a rose bush, though), but all previous places have had small windows pretty high up the wall.  So, had I been held hostage in any of those homes, I wouldn't have been able to pull the "Please, I really have to pee" ruse and escaped out the window.

[Joe]

I once climbed in my bathroom window, when guests accidentally locked us out. Good thing they didn't close the window. OTOH, in my current place, the bathroom is internal.

[Anela]

I have a large bathroom window, but it's on the second floor, and I would probably break something, jumping or falling out of there. The small one in the ground floor bathroom, I'm not sure that I could get through. Now I'm thinking of putting a trampoline below the bathroom window, just in case... although that would be weird if I was trying to get away from someone. They walk into the bathroom... nothing. Turn around, as I bounce up in the air outside. 

We have a huge window on the ground floor, a room converted from a garage. Dad has climbed in there before, and that would be a better choice for an escape. 

[Katy M]

When I was a kid my mom had a couple of fire drills for us.  We jumped out our bedroom windows.  It was actually kind of fun.  I don't have a bathroom window where I am now, but I've had to break into my apartment via windows twice.  Once because there was something wrong with the lock and the key just would NOT turn in it, and once because I dropped my keys at work and didn't know where they were.  That one was kind of funny, because I got the trash can, stood on it out front and was trying to jimmy the screen out.  A police car was going by. As I'm right next to a four way stop, he had to stop.  It was 2 in the morning and all I wanted to do was hop in the shower and get in bed, but I was all like, argh, it probably won't take long, I have my license with my address on it, showing I live here.  But, apparently cop didn't care about the person obviously breaking into an apartment in the middle of the night.  I have felt oh so safe since then.

[ChromaKelly]

Another bathroom one - Gas station bathrooms being completely gross and run-down. Granted, they are not the cleanest places on earth but a lot of gas stations have bathrooms that are about like any other public place and are inside the convenience store area, not outside the building. And don't ever look in the mirror or you will die. A bad guy will come up from behind and kill you, or a demon of sorts will come out of the mirror and kill you.

[Katy M]

This one's kind of dated, but whenever you use a payphone, either there are a whole bunch and they are all being used, or there is one and the second you get on it, everyone in the general vicinity suddenly needs to make a call.

[King of Birds]

47 minutes ago, Katy M said:

This one's kind of dated, but whenever you use a payphone, either there are a whole bunch and they are all being used...

The modern version of this is the charging station at the airport.

[BoogieBurns]

21 hours ago, Anela said:

Now I'm thinking of putting a trampoline below the bathroom window, just in case... although that would be weird if I was trying to get away from someone. They walk into the bathroom... nothing. Turn around, as I bounce up in the air outside. 

I just want you to know my stomach is hurting from how long I laughed at the visual you painted. 

[Mountainair]

22 hours ago, Anela said:

I have a large bathroom window, but it's on the second floor, and I would probably break something, jumping or falling out of there. The small one in the ground floor bathroom, I'm not sure that I could get through. Now I'm thinking of putting a trampoline below the bathroom window, just in case... although that would be weird if I was trying to get away from someone. They walk into the bathroom... nothing. Turn around, as I bounce up in the air outside. 

We have a huge window on the ground floor, a room converted from a garage. Dad has climbed in there before, and that would be a better choice for an escape. 

We have a trampoline and at one point had it against the house below the upstairs window, not for that very reason but it was always mentioned as a perk to having it located there. We've since moved the trampoline so it doesn't do us any good for escaping now. 

We do regular fire drills with our kids and they love getting to kick the screen out of their bedroom window (on the main floor of the house) to escape. Of course on fire drill nights we spend the rest of the night awake with scared kids asking, "what if" questions. But, it's worth it.

[Raja]

I hope that it only happens on TV that a United States FBI Agent working in Korea because an American was murdered there would kick in the door of a Korean's apartment screaming "FBI!" in English

[legaleagle53]

On 3/29/2017 at 8:25 AM, Katy M said:

When I was a kid my mom had a couple of fire drills for us.  We jumped out our bedroom windows.  It was actually kind of fun.  I don't have a bathroom window where I am now, but I've had to break into my apartment via windows twice.  Once because there was something wrong with the lock and the key just would NOT turn in it, and once because I dropped my keys at work and didn't know where they were.  That one was kind of funny, because I got the trash can, stood on it out front and was trying to jimmy the screen out.  A police car was going by. As I'm right next to a four way stop, he had to stop.  It was 2 in the morning and all I wanted to do was hop in the shower and get in bed, but I was all like, argh, it probably won't take long, I have my license with my address on it, showing I live here.  But, apparently cop didn't care about the person obviously breaking into an apartment in the middle of the night.  I have felt oh so safe since then.

No kidding.  I myself wouldn't know whether to be relieved that the cop ignored someone who was apparently breaking and entering or upset that he was ignored someone who was apparently breaking and entering.

It's like the time that I accidentally locked myself out of my apartment, and my upstairs neighbor helped me by using a credit card to unlock the door.  I didn't know whether to be relieved that he knew how to do that or worried because he knew how to do that.

[Bastet]

1 hour ago, legaleagle53 said:

my upstairs neighbor helped me by using a credit card to unlock the door.

Oh my, really?  That had been on my list of things that only happen on TV. 

[andromeda331]

3 minutes ago, Bastet said:

Oh my, really?  That had been on my list of things that only happen on TV. 

Me too. My brother and I tried it once after seeing it on TV and it didn't work.

[zxy556575]

Quote

I myself wouldn't know whether to be relieved that the cop ignored someone who was apparently breaking and entering or upset that he was ignored someone who was apparently breaking and entering.

As a teenager, I once took my stepdad's car without permission and went shopping. I lost the keys in the store but was able to talk a passing patrol cop into hot wiring it for me. Guess I had an honest face?

Made it home before stepdad and the store called the next day with the keys. Sneaky teen success!

Edited March 31, 2017 by Lord Donia

[Katy M]

5 hours ago, Lord Donia said:

As a teenager, I once took my stepdad's car without permission and went shopping. I lost the keys in the store but was able to talk a passing patrol cop into hot wiring it for me. Guess I had an honest face?

Made it home before stepdad and the store called the next day with the keys. Sneaky teen success!

OK, it's one thing to ignore potential crimes, but to actually help out with one?  Please tell me he at lest asked to see your DL first and the registration before he let you drive away.  Although, since it was your stepdad, I'm assuming different last names, but maybe probably same address.

[merylinkid]

6 hours ago, andromeda331 said:

Me too. My brother and I tried it once after seeing it on TV and it didn't work.

Nope it works.   Was recently dogsitting for a friend.   I shut the home office door to keep the dog out while I was gone.   Didn't realize the door was set to lock.   Had to use a credit card to jimmy it open.  Basically the card is slim enough to slide between the locking bar and the socket -- then you sort of push the bar back out of the socket.    That's why you can kick a door open too.    For safety you should have a really long locking bar and a really deep socket.  

[zxy556575]

11 hours ago, Katy M said:

OK, it's one thing to ignore potential crimes, but to actually help out with one?  Please tell me he at lest asked to see your DL first and the registration before he let you drive away.  Although, since it was your stepdad, I'm assuming different last names, but maybe probably same address.

I guess the cop asked for identification? I don't remember but as you say, I had a different last name.

Re-reading my post makes it sound like I only took the car once when actually my sister and I stole it on a regular basis. When my folks went out they always took mom's car because his was ... a restored 1940s era Cadillac. Oy.

To try to drag this back on topic, I'll say that TV me would have crashed the car and been grounded for life instead of getting away with it. TV teens always get caught (either after many Ferris Bueller type shenanigans in a sitcom, or accidentally killing someone in a gritty drama).

Edited March 31, 2017 by Lord Donia

[Anela]

12 hours ago, Bastet said:

Oh my, really?  That had been on my list of things that only happen on TV. 

When I was 19, we had a creepy, drunk neighbour try to get into our really awful tiny apartment, using a credit card. I was getting out of the bath, and heard something, so woke dad up. He lived downstairs. I can't remember the reason he gave for trying to get into our place.

[auntlada]

On 3/31/2017 at 0:17 AM, Bastet said:

Oh my, really?  That had been on my list of things that only happen on TV. 

I used to do it all the time in college. When I lived off campus, we would break into our neighbor's apartment across the hall to borrow his kitchen utensils. He was a really good friend who didn't mind or we wouldn't have done it. But I was really good at it. I can still do it on some doors, but some are really hard if not impossible. If you have the issues @merylinkid mentioned or your door is hung badly (sometimes the locking mechanism is backwards, which makes it easier, or the building has settled and the door is crooked, which means you only have to touch the mechanism and it swings open), it's pretty easy.

This is why I always lock the deadbolt on my doors.

I was always pretty good with a coathanger on car doors, too, before all the locks changed inside cars.

[ganesh]

Y'all a bunch of criminals. 

[shapeshifter]

31 minutes ago, ganesh said:

Y'all a bunch of criminals. 

Hee! Yeah. But it's @Lord Donia and @auntlada, so we'll give 'em a pass.

[ABay]

"Can you crack a safe?" "Yes." "That's what I thought, you crook."

[auntlada]

Well, the only cars I ever broke into were mine and those of the people I was with after we locked the keys in.

[zxy556575]

I claim statute of limitations. ;-)

[janie jones]

On 3/27/2017 at 5:36 AM, Katy M said:

Yeah, I know right.  If your job is to keep people out of the office, they ought to give you a gun or something with the job.  I mean, I was kind of kidding before.  I don't ALWAYS say go on back.  Like, if he's on the phone or something, or if I the person is clearly a salesperson or something. But, we're a small company in a small town.  My boss is most likely going to want to see someone who pops in.

My guess is your boss isn't a criminal or otherwise shady character though.

[Katy M]

11 hours ago, janie jones said:

My guess is your boss isn't a criminal or otherwise shady character though.

I did ask him if the company was a mob front.  He said no, but I don't think that means anything.  He's not going to admit it.

[MaryPatShelby]

I learned from TV that all teens are snotty, uncooperative and talk back when being questioned by the police.  They're not scared to death and wishing their parents were there.

[callie lee 29]

The credit card thing works only if the curved portion of the door knob button (not sure if that's the actual name) is the side you're going in from. And you have to go kind of slow and steady in my experience. 

[auntlada]

14 minutes ago, callie lee 29 said:

The credit card thing works only if the curved portion of the door knob button (not sure if that's the actual name) is the side you're going in from. And you have to go kind of slow and steady in my experience. 

Sometimes you can do it even if the curved part is on the other side if there is enough room between the door and the jamb to maneuver your card around. It depends on how the door jamb is built. Some have a part that sticks out much farther and blocks your access to the mechanism. Doors and frames that were intended to be interior are much easier.

I just remembered a time when I used my skills for good. The children locked themselves into the playroom at Grammy and Granddad's house. It was an accident (the lock was a button in the middle of the knob), and they did not understand what we were telling them about unlocking it. (They were about 3 or 4.) I unlocked it not with a card, but with a bobby pin because the lock did not use tumblers.

[kiddo82]

1 hour ago, MaryPatShelby said:

I learned from TV that all teens are snotty, uncooperative and talk back when being questioned by the police.  They're not scared to death and wishing their parents were there.

To be fair, the girls from Pretty Little Liars were interrogated by the police so often without their parents present that I'm sure the intimidation tactics of authority figures had diminishing returns.  

[riley702]

1 hour ago, auntlada said:

The children locked themselves into the playroom at Grammy and Granddad's house. It was an accident (the lock was a button in the middle of the knob), and they did not understand what we were telling them about unlocking it. (They were about 3 or 4.) I unlocked it not with a card, but with a bobby pin because the lock did not use tumblers.

Taking to the And Yet I Survived thread.

[Katy M]

Actually, I think my favorite TV scene of trying to open a door with a credit card was when Chandler and Joey were doing it and they lost the credit card to the other side of the door.  And, I think on another show, they ruined the credit card, can't remember if the door opened or not.  So, something probably realistic on TV.  I'm on the wrong thread.

[auntlada]

Yeah, ruining the card is realistic. I keep an old movie rental card in case I need it. (I swear I am not breaking into places where I shouldn't be.)

[callie lee 29]

3 hours ago, auntlada said:

Sometimes you can do it even if the curved part is on the other side if there is enough room between the door and the jamb to maneuver your card around. It depends on how the door jamb is built. Some have a part that sticks out much farther and blocks your access to the mechanism. Doors and frames that were intended to be interior are much easier.

 

Really??!? I'm  going to file that away for future (just in case) use.

[shapeshifter]

3 hours ago, auntlada said:

Sometimes you can do it even if the curved part is on the other side if there is enough room between the door and the jamb to maneuver your card around. It depends on how the door jamb is built. Some have a part that sticks out much farther and blocks your access to the mechanism. Doors and frames that were intended to be interior are much easier.

I just remembered a time when I used my skills for good. The children locked themselves into the playroom at Grammy and Granddad's house. It was an accident (the lock was a button in the middle of the knob), and they did not understand what we were telling them about unlocking it. (They were about 3 or 4.) I unlocked it not with a card, but with a bobby pin because the lock did not use tumblers.

I've done the bobby pin, but in houses where the door knobs were not bobby pin compliant, I've resorted to uncrewing the door knob screws, either to rescue a small child or to prevent a teen from being able to lock herself in and me out. I can't recall any TV mothers who used screw drivers on door knobs.

[Bastet]

5 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

I can't recall any TV mothers who used screw drivers on door knobs.

Roseanne Conner used a screwdriver to take Becky and Darlene's door off entirely (we must just put aside that it would be impossible for her to do that, since the door was locked shut at the time via a slide lock on the inside -- which is why she was breaking in -- and that's not how it works anyway, because the episode was funny as hell).

All my bedroom door lock ever did was slow my mom down; useless piece of crap (the lock, not my mom!).  She didn't need much more than a toothpick to get past that thing.

[DittyDotDot]

7 hours ago, Bastet said:

Roseanne Conner used a screwdriver to take Becky and Darlene's door off entirely (we must just put aside that it would be impossible for her to do that, since the door was locked shut at the time via a slide lock on the inside -- which is why she was breaking in -- and that's not how it works anyway, because the episode was funny as hell).

Oh, sure you can. As I recall, she used the screwdriver to take the bolt out of the hinge...you can do that with almost all interior doors whether they're locked or not. My sister did it once when my nephew locked himself in his room with his stereo blaring and wasn't responding to her pounding on the door. She then used her screwdriver to reverse the doorknob so the lock was on the outside so it would never be an issue again.

[proserpina65]

Only on tv do loved ones of possible suicide victims go directly to the coroner to beg them to investigate the death as a homicide.  And only on tv would said coroner actually investigate that death outside of the morgue, interviewing possible suspects, etc..

[zxy556575]

5 minutes ago, proserpina65 said:

Only on tv do loved ones of possible suicide victims go directly to the coroner to beg them to investigate the death as a homicide. And only on tv would said coroner actually investigate that death outside of the morgue, interviewing possible suspects, etc..

The relatives usually stroll right into the morgue to confront the coroner, too.

[Bastet]

5 hours ago, DittyDotDot said:

As I recall, she used the screwdriver to take the bolt out of the hinge...

She couldn't get to the hinge from where she was in the hallway.

[DittyDotDot]

47 minutes ago, Bastet said:

She couldn't get to the hinge from where she was in the hallway.

Why not? The hinges usually are on the outside of the room. All of my door hinges in my house I can access from the hallways and such, not the inside of the room.

Edited April 3, 2017 by DittyDotDot

[Bastet]

Quote

Why not? The hinges usually are on the outside of the room. All of my door hinges in my house I can access from the hallways and such, not the inside of the room.

No, the hinges were in the bedroom with Becky, not out in the hall with Roseanne.  (Which is how the doors are in my house, too, which is what made me double-check the layout in the Conner house, because I thought, "Wait, she can't do that, can she?"  And, no, she can't.  But it was still a funny scene.)

Sigh.  Without fail, if I post without quoting what I'm replying to, my post winds up at the top of a new page and thus has no context.

Edited April 3, 2017 by Bastet

[merylinkid]

On 4/1/2017 at 0:08 PM, ganesh said:

Y'all a bunch of criminals. 

I am not a crook.   

 

(yeah okay, but the joke only worked with that word)

[shapeshifter]

9 hours ago, DittyDotDot said:

. . . She then used her screwdriver to reverse the doorknob so the lock was on the outside so it would never be an issue again.

I think I did that once too, but in hind sight it could be dangerous, especially since I had 3 kids and the younger two would likely not pass up an opportunity to lock each other in their room. Maybe I swapped out a non-locking closet doorknob for the locking bedroom doorknob. I'll have to ask the oldest if she recalls. Reversing the lock to the outside seems like the beginning of a Law & Order SVU plot where something goes wrong.

ETA: This post should probably be Something That Happens in Real Life but not on TV.

Edited April 3, 2017 by shapeshifter

[blueray]

I just started watching Switched at Birth (first time) and in the episode I watched the guy subs in as a drummer. I feel like wouldn't they need to practice before? Of course in the show he just joins in and knows when to have a solo and stuff. I'm sure this has been mentioned before.

Edited April 4, 2017 by blueray