Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[shapeshifter]

Inspired by being involuntarily subjected to part of an old episode of Hart to Hart earlier tonight: Only on TV can you wake up with fabulous hair after being in a coma for seven years.

I vaguely recall watching that episode a year or two ago for the first time and thinking that Only On TV in the 80s could you not only wake up from a 7 year coma with 80s hair (maybe not so unbelievable), but able to walk around with no muscle atrophy.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

I pity the CSI tech who may have to one day process my house.

 

Heh, the running joke here is that if the CSI people ever came to our house, we'd all be severely screwed.

[Cherpumple]

Only on TV would you go to someone's house that you don't very well, knock, and then barge right in if no one answers. It would never occur to you that the homeowner is out, busy, sleeping, wanting to be alone, etc. Nope, just show yourself in! 

[Gudzilla]

One of my favorites is someone walks out to the pool in a swimsuit, dives in and swims to the opposite end then gets out, grabs a towel and leaves. They changed into a swimsuit for that ? I call it the half a lap workout.

[Tunia]

Then there's the guy who lights a cigarette, takes one or two drags and snuffs it out.  He obviously doesn't live in NYC where butts run $14/pack.

[shapeshifter]

One of my favorites is someone walks out to the pool in a swimsuit, dives in and swims to the opposite end then gets out, grabs a towel and leaves. They changed into a swimsuit for that ? I call it the half a lap workout.

My father, who passed away on Wednesday at 91, used to do that--underwater in one breath. In his youth he would do two laps in one breath (and then get out).

[MaryMitch]

Then there's the guy who lights a cigarette, takes one or two drags and snuffs it out.  He obviously doesn't live in NYC where butts run $14/pack.

Or takes one sip of a drink at a bar and then leaves.

[mansonlamps]

Which brings us full circle to the wife/mother who makes a full breakfast for her family and the ingrates "don't have time" to eat any of it and she's lucky if she can force them to grab a piece of toast or fruit as they race out the door.

[ganesh]

If we're going back to the circle, shut off your radio before you turn your car off!

[DittyDotDot]

But, I don't wanna. And why should I? ;)

 

Only on TV could someone sport a wee mask over their eyes (or wear glasses, for that matter) and be unrecognizable to their own family and loved ones. Especially when said family or loved ones gets up close and personal with the man in the mask.

[Shannon L.]

 

Only on TV could someone sport a wee mask over their eyes (or wear glasses, for that matter) and be unrecognizable to their own family and loved ones. Especially when said family or loved ones gets up close and personal with the man in the mask.

Once for a Halloween party, my mother bought a full face mask and walked around for a while without talking because she wanted to be the mysterious guest.  Almost every single person took one look at her and said "Oh, Linda!  I knew it was you because of your eyes." (To be fair, her eyes are a very interesting color).

[kili]

Only on TV do the police call in a SWAT team in full tactical gear and have two regular LEOs wearing nothing but flack jackets lead the charge into building. 

[GreekGeek]

But, I don't wanna. And why should I? ;)

 

Only on TV could someone sport a wee mask over their eyes (or wear glasses, for that matter) and be unrecognizable to their own family and loved ones. Especially when said family or loved ones gets up close and personal with the man in the mask.

This isn't just a TV thing. The "should be obvious to anyone with two brain cells disguise" is one of the oldest tropes around. To take one highbrow example, it's a major plot point in Mozart's opera Cosi fan Tutte, in which the two heroes disguise themselves with mustaches and exotic clothes, and their own fiancees don't recognize them.

Edited October 17, 2015 by GreekGeek

[Joe]

Only on TV do the police call in a SWAT team in full tactical gear and have two regular LEOs wearing nothing but flack jackets lead the charge into building. 

And the leaders only have a pistol each, compared to the others' machine guns or whatever.

[Raja]

Only on TV do the police call in a SWAT team in full tactical gear and have two regular LEOs wearing nothing but flack jackets lead the charge into building. 

 

 

And the leaders only have a pistol each, compared to the others' machine guns or whatever.

This is show specific but the NYPD would give a visiting civilian technician from Las Vegas a shotgun and allow him to be the second guy in the door after their own Detective/lab director.

[MaryPatShelby]

Which leads right into Only On TV is the lab director involved in a SWAT operation!!

[Rick Kitchen]

Only on TV do the CSI techs go out and arrest people.

[Demented Daisy]

On a related note, only on tv can you be on the FBI's most wanted list -- twice! -- in highly public manhunts and yet, cops don't recognize you after you've been "killed".  Twice.

[proserpina65]

If you were the subject of an investigation, the calamine lotion would mean you currently have or just had poison ivy, meaning you must spend a lot of time outdoors, meaning you are the killer because the body was found in the woods!

*Because on TV, nobody keeps ibuprofen, antacid, or benadryl on hand for just in case. It always Means Something.

Oh no!  You're onto to me!  Now I'll have to kill you too.

[topanga]

If we're going back to the circle, shut off your radio before you turn your car off!

Would you believe that you've actually inspired me to start turning off my radio before leaving the car? 

 

 

Only on TV does everyone at the office talk to each other constantly. Even co-workers who don't like each other exchange funny barbs and one-liners throughout the day. At my job, co-workers do talk to one another, but it's more often than not about patients we've seen or will be seeing. We don't talk about our dating lives, children, moral dilemmas, sexual hang-ups, or money issues all day. And we aren't all comedians, either. 

[Cobalt Stargazer]

That's because writers cost money.

[ganesh]

It's just lazy writing. Better Off Ted took the typical office sitcom and came out with some really good plots even though they were based on cliched stuff.

 

Another thing is that everyone who works together also hang out together outside of work. Even if they don't like each other. 

[Kel Varnsen]

Another thing is that everyone who works together also hang out together outside of work. Even if they don't like each other. 

I always love the wedding episodes in workplace shows, especially when two of the regulars in the show get married. The best man and maid of honour will always be the other regulars in the show who aren't the bride and groom. 

[meep.meep]

And usually neither the bride or the groom's families attend.

Just the office colleagues.

[ChromaKelly]

People on TV make no sound as they walk through someone's house in which they are snooping. The resident will inevitably come home while the snooper is in the house, but be totally unaware that there is someone *right there*. The snooper can also effortlessly go out a window and shimmy down a drainpipe to escape. Again, with no noise.

[shapeshifter]

People on TV make no sound as they walk through someone's house in which they are snooping. The resident will inevitably come home while the snooper is in the house, but be totally unaware that there is someone *right there*. The snooper can also effortlessly go out a window and shimmy down a drainpipe to escape. Again, with no noise.

And even do all of it in stacked heel boots that might echo on the floor in another, more dramatic but not stealthy scene.

[proserpina65]

We don't talk about our dating lives, children, moral dilemmas, sexual hang-ups, or money issues all day.

 

In my office, we do, and we also hang out together outside of work.  But we're all friends.

[topanga]

In my office, we do, and we also hang out together outside of work.  But we're all friends.

That's really great (and I'm not being sarcastic).

 

 

Another cop interview moment: I laughed out loud last night during an episode of Law & Order. The detectives stopped by the home of a guy who was a person of interest after a murder. In the middle of the detectives interviewing the guy, the wife came downstairs and said, "Joe, the kids are waiting for you to say goodnight." And he got up and left! He wasn't under arrest, so the police couldn't technically hold him, but boy was that rude.

Edited October 26, 2015 by topanga

[janie jones]

Yeah, people will walk away and leave the cops in their living room.  I guess they'll see themselves out.

[proserpina65]

Another cop interview moment: I laughed out loud last night during an episode of Law & Order. The detectives stopped by the home of a guy who was a person of interest after a murder. In the middle of the detectives interviewing the guy, the wife came downstairs and said, "Joe, the kids are waiting for you to say goodnight." And he got up and left! He wasn't under arrest, so the police couldn't technically hold him, but boy was that rude.

 

I'm such a L&O nerd (Mike Logan era mostly) that I know exactly which episode you watched.

[topanga]

I'm such a L&O nerd (Mike Logan era mostly) that I know exactly which episode you watched.

Me too. I've watched some of my favorites too many times (and the same ones tend to play over and over), which has forced me to expand my repertoire. I used to avoid the ones with Dennis Farina, but they've become some of the only episodes I haven't seen, so I watch them now. And they're pretty good. I still don't like Angie Harmon's ADA character, so I only watch those episodes when I have no other choice. 

[Cherpumple]

I always love the wedding episodes in workplace shows, especially when two of the regulars in the show get married. The best man and maid of honour will always be the other regulars in the show who aren't the bride and groom.

And don't forget that if someone on the show has surgery or goes into the labor, the entire office staff goes to the hospital to camp out for several hours until it's over.

[kiddo82]

Or your entire, high school aged, Glee club.

At least the Office was more of a commentary on how absurd and awkward that practice is. Other shows present it as standard. It's especially funny when it involves teenagers. Your 16 year old self gets a text at 10:00 at night on a Tuesday that one of your pals was in an accident. She's going to be fine, but they need to keep her overnight for observations. So naturally you rush over there because that's a thing that totally happens and your 'rents are fine with you sitting alone in the waiting room of a hospital at all hours. Meanwhile, your friend's 'rents are out of town because only on TV are the parents always out of town. And it's not like you're 16 year old self is traveling to an urban area alone and at night where your friend happens to be. No no no. Only on TV even the quaintest of suburbs have a highly rated trauma center within spitting distance from the town gazebo.

Edited October 29, 2015 by kiddo82

[ChromaKelly]

I've never been in a major auto accident or had my house burn down, so I'm not sure how true this is. Do people who have been in accidents/house fires get big blankets to wrap around themselves while they hang out?

[proserpina65]

I've never been in a major auto accident or had my house burn down, so I'm not sure how true this is. Do people who have been in accidents/house fires get big blankets to wrap around themselves while they hang out?

Well, I got taken to the emergency room by an ambulance after my car accident, so . . .

[Shannon L.]

Along the same lines as a group of thugs waiting their turn to beat up one guy, only on tv will a battle continue around you as you hold your loved one/best friend as they die.  No one will shoot/stab/beat you as you wait. 

[kili]

Do people who have been in accidents/house fires get big blankets to wrap around themselves while they hang out?

 

I took an industrial first aid course and they always had us throw a blanket on our seriously injured patients right after checking for ABCs (airway-breathing-circulation). It decreases the chance of them going into shock (getting cold can accelerate the process of going into shock). People at fires, you always worry about smoke inhalation because it can burn lung tissue and then they swell and then you start having trouble breathing.  I also found in the field, if you threw a blanket on people, they calmed down a little (you feel less exposed, even when fully dressed, from all those people gawking at you. Seriously, stop gawking useless on-lookers - it stresses everybody out).

 

I don't think I'd throw a blanket on an un-injured, hanging-out person though. Maybe it is nightime and they fled the house in their pajama or their jacket burnt up in the fire that started after their car blew up after the car crash (that always happen). Maybe the actors are cold.

[andromeda331]

Rude? Maybe. I'm still surprised they'd leave cops alone anywhere in their house on tv.
How do they know the cops aren't going to look around after they leave? I mean how many
times on cops show are they trying to do that very thing only to be stopped? Not to
mention the whole "can I use your bathroom" only to look through the medicine cabients
or drawers to find exactly what they were looking for.

[ChromaKelly]

Or asking for a glass of water just to get fingerprints. If the cops ever ask me for water, I'll make sure to put on gloves! I'm on to them.

Along the same lines as a group of thugs waiting their turn to beat up one guy, only on tv will a battle continue around you as you hold your loved one/best friend as they die.  No one will shoot/stab/beat you as you wait. 

I just saw the circle o' thugs thing the other day. It's so nice how they all wait their turn to take a shot at the main character in the center.

[DittyDotDot]

Thugs with manners...what is this world coming too? ;)

[ganesh]

If, if, if, I let the cops in my house, I'm not giving them anything. I'm not your damn majordomo. You should have a bottle of water in the car anyway.

We're not even sitting down. Ask your questions and go.

[Rockstar99435]

You don't even have to let them into your house. They can ask their questions on your front porch.

[DeLurker]

But if you've been fooling around on your SO, you'll always be the one to answer the door and always talk to them outside after telling the SO they just need to talk to you about an accident you witnessed or something.

[Kromm]

Or asking for a glass of water just to get fingerprints. If the cops ever ask me for water, I'll make sure to put on gloves! I'm on to them.

It's the glass that's the tipoff. Most office environments will use bottled water or paper cups with a water dispenser (and neither is going to take prints very well). Unless they are at a witnesses' home and then STEAL the glass. Then how admissible is it really in court?

 

Or if it's at the precinct and being done because they don't want to book someone (when they ARE allowed to take prints), and they trick someone with a glass that they dig out from some special storehouse of them they use only for this purpose, is THAT admissible either?  Admittedly it's not a stolen glass then, but it IS evidence gotten under false pretenses. Admittedly they outright lie to people they question all of the time, but there's a difference between a verbal lie to fool someone into revealing themselves, and actual physical evidence gained via a lie.

Edited November 1, 2015 by Kromm

[merylinkid]

Take the glass with you.    It's discarded if you leave it behind, which is what makes it admissible.     There was a real case where the cops followed this sexual predator for YEARS.   They knew he did it they just needed solid evidence.   THey could not get his DNA.   They followed him.   Finally they spotted him throwing out some gum or a cigarette.   They immediately retrieved it and BINGO, match.   

[ganesh]

Wow. Good for those cops for sticking to the case for so long. 

[andromeda331]

This is probably a really stupid question but if they give you a glass of water in a real glass at the police station and

you take it with you, isn't that stealing the glass? How are you "abandoning" it if its not yours. Or are there a lot of

people walking out of the police station with a glass?  

[Kromm]

Take the glass with you.    It's discarded if you leave it behind, which is what makes it admissible.     There was a real case where the cops followed this sexual predator for YEARS.   They knew he did it they just needed solid evidence.   THey could not get his DNA.   They followed him.   Finally they spotted him throwing out some gum or a cigarette.   They immediately retrieved it and BINGO, match.   

It's really an overwraught solution though for mere fingerprints though. All you need to get fingerprints is to charge someone for something. ANYTHING. Jaywalking. Littering. Unpaid parking tickets.  Whatever.

 

DNA is different. The subterfuge I imagine is because (so far) I believe you typically need a court order for it. Skirting the need to get one seems to be the maneuver being talked about here (and you have to wonder how circumstantial their case was if they couldn't get one).

That it worked out here is great. But in a way I suppose it shows these cliches occasionally DO have real world reflections.

[Raja]

It's really an overwraught solution though for mere fingerprints though. All you need to get fingerprints is to charge someone for something. ANYTHING. Jaywalking. Littering. Unpaid parking tickets.  Whatever.

 

DNA is different. The subterfuge I imagine is because (so far) I believe you typically need a court order for it. Skirting the need to get one seems to be the maneuver being talked about here (and you have to wonder how circumstantial their case was if they couldn't get one).

That it worked out here is great. But in a way I suppose it shows these cliches occasionally DO have real world reflections.

I do wonder where do the courts fall on the spectrum. On the Law & Order side where any infraction closes a case or on the Chicago PD side where "our heroes" actually torture people and everybody sees nothing.

Edited November 3, 2015 by Raja

[andromeda331]

If your in a fight near a window, one of you will go out the window usually the bad guy. Same if your fighting on the

second floor of anything inside or outside one of you will go over the railing. Again usually the bad guy. Also if your

the bad guy and being crashed through the streets you will dash into the street and get hit by a car or truck.