Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[Blergh]

On 8/14/2020 at 6:11 PM, RealHousewife said:

I may have mentioned it before, but the lack of caring about safety! On TV they don’t bother locking doors or turning on alarm systems. Wealthy families IRL usually have high security, but on soaps, people easily come and go out of mansions. 

On Falcon Crest,  more than once Angela Channing would lament 'why didn't I lock the door?' when one of her nemeses (e.g. Richard or Melissa) would barge right into her living room and rant! It was good comic relief that diffused some of the tension!

[Kel Varnsen]

I am not sure why I noticed this lately, but every couple on TV sleeps on a double bed. So that when they both lay on their backs they are almost touching each other. Even if they are successful adults who should be able to afford a larger bed.

[Shannon L.]

If you're hiding from someone who wants to kill you or you've been forced to the ground by someone with a gun and told that you'll be shot if you get up, I would hope you'd wait more than 5 seconds after they leave before getting up or coming out of hiding.  If it were me, I'd probably wait several minutes. 

If time travel were ever invented, I'd like to think that if someone landed in my yard from a hundred or more years ago, I'd slowly introduce them to their new surroundings so as not to freak them out, as opposed to taking them out on the town right away. Yes, I know it makes for some great comedy, but still......

[kiddo82]

12 hours ago, Kel Varnsen said:

I am not sure why I noticed this lately, but every couple on TV sleeps on a double bed. So that when they both lay on their backs they are almost touching each other. Even if they are successful adults who should be able to afford a larger bed.

I'm thinking that logistically it just might make it easier to film?  I would have no idea if that's the cast though.

[Quof]

Yeah, there's no way TV couples like Mike & Molly are sleeping in anything smaller than a king.

[Annber03]

1 hour ago, Shannon L. said:

If you're hiding from someone who wants to kill you or you've been forced to the ground by someone with a gun and told that you'll be shot if you get up, I would hope you'd wait more than 5 seconds after they leave before getting up or coming out of hiding.  If it were me, I'd probably wait several minutes. 

My favorite version of this are the scenes where someone's hiding from somebody, and yet they're still making some kind of noise-whimpering, crying, breathing heavily, something like that. I'm always sitting here muttering, "Shhhh!" ('cause they can totally hear me through the TV, of course :p). 

[CoderLady]

1 hour ago, Annber03 said:

My favorite version of this are the scenes where someone's hiding from somebody, and yet they're still making some kind of noise-whimpering, crying, breathing heavily, something like that. I'm always sitting here muttering, "Shhhh!" ('cause they can totally hear me through the TV, of course :p). 

And nine times out of ten they run to a place where there is no escape: a closet, a cliffside, the roof of a building, upstairs in the house, then they stop doing anything useful to save themselves and doom overtakes them.

That one time out of ten where they get away, it's just a tease. They go just far enough to get a false sense of security, then BAM! The pursuer grabs them, there's lots of screaming, then fade to black.

[Kel Varnsen]

3 hours ago, kiddo82 said:

I'm thinking that logistically it just might make it easier to film?  I would have no idea if that's the cast though.

I am sure it is totally a logistics of filming thing is the fact that two people on a bed with not much empty space filling the frame probably looks better on screen.

[Browncoat]

4 minutes ago, CoderLady said:

And nine times out of ten they run to a place where there is no escape: a closet, a cliffside, the roof of a building, upstairs in the house,

A garage full of chainsaws...

[Annber03]

I love that ad.

 

[smittykins]

“Why don’t we get into the running car?”

[Quof]

When someone is chasing you in a car, run away in the same direction they are driving. Fool, didn't your mama teach you to run in the opposite direction, because they can't effectively chase you while in reverse? 

[Katy M]

25 minutes ago, Quof said:

When someone is chasing you in a car, run away in the same direction they are driving. Fool, didn't your mama teach you to run in the opposite direction, because they can't effectively chase you while in reverse? 

But, if you start out in front of them, you would have to run past, and maybe the person would just jump out of the car and grab you, or shoot you out the window.  If possible run down an alley too narrow for a car. Or into a building.  Or into trees.  Or jump in water.  Somewhere a car can't go.

[Browncoat]

3 hours ago, Katy M said:

But, if you start out in front of them, you would have to run past, and maybe the person would just jump out of the car and grab you, or shoot you out the window.  If possible run down an alley too narrow for a car. Or into a building.  Or into trees.  Or jump in water.  Somewhere a car can't go.

Serpentine!  Serpentine!

[DoctorAtomic]

But if you run down the alley it will end in a big chain link fence you can't climb. 

[Katy M]

11 minutes ago, DoctorAtomic said:

But if you run down the alley it will end in a big chain link fence you can't climb. 

That's true. So, we're back to hoping that the chaser is too lazy to get out of the car.

[Silver Raven]

2 hours ago, Browncoat said:

Serpentine!  Serpentine!

Dammit, Rickon!

 

[Lugal]

7 hours ago, Quof said:

When someone is chasing you in a car, run away in the same direction they are driving. Fool, didn't your mama teach you to run in the opposite direction, because they can't effectively chase you while in reverse? 

It's like when the skyscraper is toppling on you (due to unprecedented earthquake, alien invasion, etc.) you run down the side street perpendicular to the direction of the fall, don't just keep going trying to outrun the falling building.

[Ambrosefolly]

I feel like I have seen this a few times, I know I saw this on "What I Like About You", a character has an important outfit being tailored (usually the wedding dress), the seamstress dies and the family just gives away everything she has been working on to a thrift store. 

[Shannon L.]

Maybe this is a movie thing and not tv, but how many people, when getting together to talk about something serious, do so while taking a walk around the house (if you're rich and have a large estate) or the neighborhood?

[kiddo82]

This might be specific to one show in particular, but only on TV does seemingly everyone in southern California still reaaaaaally care about what happened in an amateur karate tournament almost 40 years ago.

[DoctorAtomic]

I'm in the middle of it now. I wouldn't say *everyone* cares, but the people who do seem to care way too much. 

[Unclejosh]

On 8/30/2020 at 12:28 PM, Quof said:

Yeah, there's no way TV couples like Mike & Molly are sleeping in anything smaller than a king.

I can say that my ex wife and her husband who are about the same size or even bigger as the characters had a queen bed for over 12 years and just got a king earlier this year.  I don't know how they did it.  I am bigger than Billy Gardell and I sleep alone on a queen and feel it is too small sometimes.

[Blergh]

On 8/30/2020 at 10:43 AM, Shannon L. said:

If you're hiding from someone who wants to kill you or you've been forced to the ground by someone with a gun and told that you'll be shot if you get up, I would hope you'd wait more than 5 seconds after they leave before getting up or coming out of hiding.  If it were me, I'd probably wait several minutes. 

If time travel were ever invented, I'd like to think that if someone landed in my yard from a hundred or more years ago, I'd slowly introduce them to their new surroundings so as not to freak them out, as opposed to taking them out on the town right away. Yes, I know it makes for some great comedy, but still......

On innumerable shows, no matter what era or what nationality the time traveler originated from, they speak perfect, fluent CONTEMPORARY English!LOL

 

For all its hokiness, at least the pilot of I Dream of Jeannie DID have the title character speak in Persian rather than in English until Major Nelson wished she'd speak English.  

[SVNBob]

4 hours ago, Blergh said:

On innumerable shows, no matter what era or what nationality the time traveler originated from, they speak perfect, fluent CONTEMPORARY English!LOL

At least Doctor Who came up with an explanation for why that happens on that show.  The TARDIS has a telepathic matrix that interfaces with the brain and translates (most) languages automatically, both spoken and written.

 

[andromeda331]

1 hour ago, SVNBob said:

At least Doctor Who came up with an explanation for why that happens on that show.  The TARDIS has a telepathic matrix that interfaces with the brain and translates (most) languages automatically, both spoken and written.

 

I didn't know they did that (I've never seen Doctor Who), But I always wondered why shows don't ever throw something like that in? If they can go back in time then there's a supernatural/magic or whatever making it happened. How hard is it to add a line that it also includes being able to understand what people are saying and vica versa. Its not that hard. And yet they never do. But somehow they can all understand each other when really they wouldn't even if they end up in an English speaking country. The language has changed over the centuries. Words change meanings.  

[DoctorAtomic]

9 hours ago, SVNBob said:

At least Doctor Who came up with an explanation for why that happens on that show.  The TARDIS has a telepathic matrix that interfaces with the brain and translates (most) languages automatically, both spoken and written.

To add - because the actors both had a Scottish accent, they did a line where Van Gogh thought Amy Pond was speaking to her in Dutch. 

Farscape got around it too. 

[ABay]

"...but first, you'll need to have this fish in your ear."

Babel fish in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. "Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation."

Edited September 8, 2020 by ABay

[DrSpaceman73]

22 hours ago, Blergh said:

On innumerable shows, no matter what era or what nationality the time traveler originated from, they speak perfect, fluent CONTEMPORARY English!LOL

 

For all its hokiness, at least the pilot of I Dream of Jeannie DID have the title character speak in Persian rather than in English until Major Nelson wished she'd speak English.  

Or in a similar fashion time travel from the future almost always always means travelling to 19 or 20th century USA or united kingdom/england.  

 

On a different note, stockholm syndrome is prevelant on tv and movies in kidnappings even though it's actual existence is debatable and had never been proven. I just finished the first two seasons of the money heist , which is pretty good actually but takes this concept to the extreme.  

[DoctorAtomic]

On TV, kids can go to costume parties, 70s, 80s, 90s, whatever and everyone has a time period appropriate costume. 

[Ambrosefolly]

10 hours ago, DoctorAtomic said:

To add - because the actors both had a Scottish accent, they did a line where Van Gogh thought Amy Pond was speaking to her in Dutch. 

Farscape got around it too. 

Deep Space Nine and by extension the Star Trek universe had something similar. They had a species that spoke a language that took a few days for the station translator to understand, then all of a sudden it started understanding and translating the language. 

[kiddo82]

32 minutes ago, DoctorAtomic said:

On TV, kids can go to costume parties, 70s, 80s, 90s, whatever and everyone has a time period appropriate costume. 

You just got up to the roller rink episode of Cobra Kai, didn't you?

[DoctorAtomic]

Correct. Also very lame not to go meta af and have the kids dress like they did in the movie. 

However, my assertion is accurate. That would be like me going to my high school dance in 50s clothes. I don't even know what the hell that is. Like the Fonz or something? 

[Shannon L.]

9 hours ago, DoctorAtomic said:

Correct. Also very lame not to go meta af and have the kids dress like they did in the movie. 

However, my assertion is accurate. That would be like me going to my high school dance in 50s clothes. I don't even know what the hell that is. Like the Fonz or something? 

I don't think it's so much about not knowing what to wear to a certain decade--that's easy enough to find out if you don't know--but the fact that people on tv seem to be able to come up with everything they need w/o looking somewhat tacky and not like patchwork.  When my daughter's school did 80s day, I knew what to put her in because I lived it, but it looked slapped together and a bit cheap because we didn't have everything we needed and had to improvise and had to buy cheap stuff that we could find that was close enough.

[DoctorAtomic]

Yeah that's what I'm saying. I lived the 80s enough though I skew young to know what '80s clothes' are, but I wouldn't have anything on hand. 

The girl had figuratively the exact same material girl dress from the Madonna song. Where would you get that? Who thinks of that for an 80s costume anyway? 

I mean now I can look up 50s clothes on Google so I guess there's some fair cheat, but having the perfect brand new outfit is a bit much. 

 

[Kel Varnsen]

16 hours ago, kiddo82 said:

You just got up to the roller rink episode of Cobra Kai, didn't you?

The worst offender for that that I have ever seen was probably Big Little Lies. They had a 70's disco party. Most of the characters are rich so of course they would have great costumes. But Shailene Woodley plays a single mom who is no where near the same socio-economic level but her and her son both show up in perfect costumes with hair and make up. It made no sense

[DoctorAtomic]

70s party is easy though. Just go as a streaker. No cost. 

[Lugal]

On 9/7/2020 at 6:12 PM, Blergh said:

On innumerable shows, no matter what era or what nationality the time traveler originated from, they speak perfect, fluent CONTEMPORARY English!LOL

It's common everywhere just because they don't have the time to show everyone sitting around and learning the language.  Some shows do better than others, but Doctor Who has the Tardis, Farscape had translator microbes (back in the day I remember many a board discussion on how they actually worked) and Star Trek had the universal translator.  Although I do remember, I think it was one of the Star Trek movies where they were talking to the Klingons and the UT would have given them away so you see everyone on the bridge pouring through dictionaries and phrasebooks.  And one of the best Star Trek Episodes was about when the UT didn't work (Darmok).

Usually they at least try to handwave some excuse, except when characters time travel to the Middle English Era and it's taken as a given that they can converse with anyone.  Even though that was when the Great Vowel Shift happened and depending on when they arrive the language could be incomprehensible or somewhat closer to Modern English.  The one that really got me was Sleepy Hollow when the lost Roanoke colonists showed up, speaking Middle English (with a German accent for some reason).  No!  They would have literally spoken Shakespearean English, as Shakespeare was alive at the time the Roanoke Colony was founded.

[andromeda331]

7 hours ago, Shannon L. said:

I don't think it's so much about not knowing what to wear to a certain decade--that's easy enough to find out if you don't know--but the fact that people on tv seem to be able to come up with everything they need w/o looking somewhat tacky and not like patchwork.  When my daughter's school did 80s day, I knew what to put her in because I lived it, but it looked slapped together and a bit cheap because we didn't have everything we needed and had to improvise and had to buy cheap stuff that we could find that was close enough.

 

5 hours ago, DoctorAtomic said:

Yeah that's what I'm saying. I lived the 80s enough though I skew young to know what '80s clothes' are, but I wouldn't have anything on hand. 

The girl had figuratively the exact same material girl dress from the Madonna song. Where would you get that? Who thinks of that for an 80s costume anyway? 

I mean now I can look up 50s clothes on Google so I guess there's some fair cheat, but having the perfect brand new outfit is a bit much. 

 

 

2 hours ago, Kel Varnsen said:

The worst offender for that that I have ever seen was probably Big Little Lies. They had a 70's disco party. Most of the characters are rich so of course they would have great costumes. But Shailene Woodley plays a single mom who is no where near the same socio-economic level but her and her son both show up in perfect costumes with hair and make up. It made no sense

Damian from Television without pity remarked on that in one of his recaps for Charmed when Phoebe got accidentally turned into Mata Hari.

 Phoebe calls as she wafts down the stairs in a hideous bra-and-micro-mini set stitched together from swatches of cherry-red sateen, accented with vast swaths of sheer pink and tangerine chiffon. It's deeply hateful. What's even more deeply hateful is that she apparently had this thing hanging in her closet on the off chance she'd ever need clothing appropriate for possession by a long-dead Jazz-Age Eurotrash whore.

[supposebly]

I miss Damian's recaps.

[andromeda331]

3 minutes ago, supposebly said:

I miss Damian's recaps.

Me too. They were hilarious.

[Shannon L.]

I'm guessing that it's safe to assume that everyone on here who was popular in high school, but lost a big event/competition, is now an deadbeat, alcoholic with a menial labor job. 

No?

Edited September 17, 2020 by Shannon L.

[methodwriter85]

On 9/9/2020 at 9:12 AM, Shannon L. said:

I don't think it's so much about not knowing what to wear to a certain decade--that's easy enough to find out if you don't know--but the fact that people on tv seem to be able to come up with everything they need w/o looking somewhat tacky and not like patchwork.  When my daughter's school did 80s day, I knew what to put her in because I lived it, but it looked slapped together and a bit cheap because we didn't have everything we needed and had to improvise and had to buy cheap stuff that we could find that was close enough.

Back around 2004, I tried going as an 80's guy for School Spirit Week. I bleached my jeans, found an Aqua/purple horizontal striped shirt from the Gap, and layered a button down with pastel pink and blue stripes over top of it. I was proud and then told by my drama teacher that I looked 1993, not 1988. Lol.

[Blergh]

12 hours ago, Shannon L. said:

I'm guessing that it's safe to assume that everyone on here who was popular in high school, but lost a big event/competition, is now an deadbeat, alcoholic with a menial labor job. 

No?

Well, I suppose that  everyone who didn't have that happen is now a  dangerous sociopath because that's the other fate that happens to folks on television! 

[DoctorAtomic]

I'll give you the jeans, but I don't know what the hell the rest of that was. 

When people say "80s" costume, what they really mean is 1982-6. So just look up who was singing the top songs then and see what they were wearing. 80s means like new wave, punk, Run DMC, Madonna, and Michael Jackson. Or Miami Vice. No one dressing up like INXS or The Cosby Show. 

 

[Shannon L.]

4 hours ago, Blergh said:

Well, I suppose that  everyone who didn't have that happen is now a  dangerous sociopath because that's the other fate that happens to folks on television! 

I thought the dangerous sociopaths were the ones who were bullied?  Or are they all suddenly super good looking and incredibly wealthy now? 

Edited September 17, 2020 by Shannon L.

[Bort]

2 hours ago, DoctorAtomic said:

When people say "80s" costume, what they really mean is 1982-6. So just look up who was singing the top songs then and see what they were wearing. 80s means like new wave, punk, Run DMC, Madonna, and Michael Jackson. Or Miami Vice. No one dressing up like INXS or The Cosby Show. 

 

If you’re a woman, just watch reruns of The Facts of Life and wear what they wear.

[DoctorAtomic]

Or Family Ties for that matter. 

[Mabinogia]

22 hours ago, Shannon L. said:

I'm guessing that it's safe to assume that everyone on here who was popular in high school, but lost a big event/competition, is now an deadbeat, alcoholic with a menial labor job. 

No?

No, but I think I got screwed over because I was the awkward, mousy, nerdy girl with glasses and I did NOT blossom into a sexy, hot supermodel. Maybe it's because no one was dared to date me and therefore I never took my glasses off and let down my ponytail in slow motion. Damn. If I could go back to high school by wishing on Zoltar, or a birthday candle, or a fortune cookie I'd make sure the hottest guy in school was paid or dared to go out with me. That is where my whole life took the wrong turn. Curses!

8 hours ago, Shannon L. said:

I thought the dangerous sociopaths were the ones who were bullied?  Or are they all suddenly super good looking and incredibly wealthy now? 

I was bullied. I'm more like a moderately attractive high functioning sociopath who has enough money to make ends meet and is only a danger to herself. So....close.

[DoctorAtomic]

You should try sticking your baguette straight up out of your cloth grocery bag.