S05.E06: Erica's Story

[guilfoyleatpp]

2 hours ago, notyrmomma said:

About the whole gang rape thing...why keep that a secret?  A lot of these people talk about having been raped/molested, but no one ever mentions having the perp put in jail or the stress of having to testify at a trial.  The first thing the mom should have done was rush her to the emergency room to see if she was injured (and to do a rape kit) or at least call the police.  Those guys should have gone to jail for what they did--and it is not likely that they did or else the dad would have know about it. 

She and I are very close in age.  Back in the 80s, rape and sexual assault were handled differently. And how egregiously the victim was treated depended (and still does) on where they live, their social status, their socio-economic status, etc.  Watch "The Accused" and you'll see what many many have gone through for decades...and without the satisfying ending that Jodi Foster gets.

It is highly probable that if she did attempt to report it she would have been brushed off or humiliated. Women still are. That's why so many sexual assaults go unreported. 

I agree that those guys definitely should have gone to jail, but it is unlikely to have happened in any case.

[Marilee]

1 hour ago, dahling said:

Then the abject safety hazard of that mass rolling around unrestrained in the back

I may be going to hell for this but I lol'd at the mental image of this! Just like I did when Pauline was following her son to the grocery store on her monstrosity of a wheelchair and it kind of looked like he had somehow tethered her to the back of the car and was pulling her down the street Napoleon Dynamite-style!

[hoosiermom]

Is anyone going to watch the supersized version?

[bethster2000]

I am watching the Supersized version.

I would not want to be a passenger on an aircraft with Erica.  I used to be a flight attendant; the first thing I thought is what a danger her size would be in case of an emergency.  Think for a second she'd be able to evacuate quickly or use a slide?  Worse yet, keeping other souls from reaching safety just by virtue of her size?  Nope.  Not me.

[HelloOutThere]

29 minutes ago, hoosiermom said:

Is anyone going to watch the supersized version?

Have it on in the extreme background now. OMG. I've become one of those people who live blogs "My 600lb Life" ?

Couple interesting nuggets I've caught so far:

- Erica lost 75 lbs after her stomach stapling surgery when she was 17. Not a whole lot considering. That 75 probably came roaring back with a vengeance and probably almost instantly doubled. 

My fav nugget so far, and I quote:

- "Erica redecorated her walker for her trip to Houston."

2 hours ago, 7788BeaconHighway said:

What does she do all day??

I wonder this every episode. My God, laying on a bed all day basically immobile. I think I would die of boredom before the morbid obesity got me. 

[hoosiermom]

I DVR'd it too. I was just being lazy and hoped someone would watch it and answer some of the questions we have. Tag: your it!

[silverspoons]

I am an only child who has had to take care of my mother who is an alcoholic and has mental illness since my dad died 20 years ago, I can understand the family member's frustrations. Unlike almost all the other people on this show Erika did not have parents, kids or a spouse to help. It has been 25 years of her siblings to take care of her.

This is the one person, I just do not get how she could afford to live and eat so much including delivery food? Even if she was on disability , not only would the amount of money be low, if she was not seeing a doctor how would she pass reviews? SS requires reviews every 1-3 years and you need to show you have been going to a doctor.  She somehow is able to have a 2 bedroom apartment, bills paid, all the food she wanted plus a hoard of items. 

 

I think she wants people to feel bad for her and wanted to keep up the lonely victim. She kept saying how no one came by or called. She said how lonely she was. Why wasn't she using the computer to talk to people? There are plenty of weight loss forums and groups, she could have made friends with or lets say she didn't want to talk about weight, why not play an app like words with friends, there are always so many people (I know some are weirdos, but some are just lonely or like to chat) wanting to chat and play the "with friends" games.

 

I hope she does well but I have a feeling when and if we see her in a follow up she will not be a success story. She has a much tougher road then some, with her legs and she will need skin surgery. I just cant see her keeping up the diet and making it to the surgeries she will need to remove the lympodemias and skin.

[Tabbygirl521]

I can understand how family members can get to the ends of their ropes with addicts. But the passive-aggressive bitchy bullshit is not the way to deal. Or stomping on the progress Erica DID make. Oh, you lost 30 pounds? Yay. I wish it had been more. 

The lecture from Molly about resisting carbs etc was amusing considering her own size. I could lose a few pounds myself and I find it tough at times to eat properly, so I kinda sorta understand a touch of food addiction. Molly ought to have some clue as well.

How sad that their mom apparently never sought therapy for Erica, or helped the family understand the trauma she experienced. If dad still doesn't know, I bet the sibs didn't either. And they probably perceived Erica as Mom's favorite and didn't know why.

I was surprised that Erica didn't totally annoy me when she was so stubborn and childish about not following the rules. I guess I can imagine she had some subconscious urges not to satisfy her nasty family's demands, even as she thought she wanted to prove them wrong. I hope she kept up her therapy - I REALLY liked this therapist. 

All in all, this made me very grateful for my own wonderful loving sister. It was so sad to watch this crew. 

(I noticed the redecorated walker - it was done in leopard print, which she seems  To really like. I thought it was a good sign that she spiffed up the walker.)

Edited February 10, 2017 by Tabbygirl521

[Tabbygirl521]

PS, in regard to bathroom use on the plane, when Erica was packing her cleansing cloths it looked like she also packed Depends. 

[NYCFree]

When Erica had to go to the hospital after arriving in Houston, she was diagnosed with severe dehydration. She probably restricted fluids just to avoid having to use the airplane bathroom.

[Barb23]

27 minutes ago, NYCFree said:

When Erica had to go to the hospital after arriving in Houston, she was diagnosed with severe dehydration. She probably restricted fluids just to avoid having to use the airplane bathroom.

I thought of that too.  It's amazing she survived her day(s) of traveling. I watched the Supersized version & they said it was a 3 hour ride to the airport plus the almost 4 hour plane ride.  I didn't like Erica stating  "they MADE me buy 3 tickets."  (Meaning the airlines.) Did she really think she would fit in one seat or she would be allowed to take up the whole row & pay for one seat? It looked like she broke or at least pulled apart the top of the plane arm rest when she got up. I also noticed her packing the Depends but was amazed they make a size large enough for her to wear (if that was the case) since she had the butt wings thing going on in addition to her large stomach & rear area.

 I'm always surprised that the toilets & shower chairs hold up these mega sized people. (Besides Lupe's incident in Dr. Now's office.) And the way they flop into the wheelchairs - I'm waiting for the wheelchairs to just give way & collapse. 

[Marilee]

That happened to Amber and she had to ride a luggage cart through the airport. Her humiliation during that scene and the bitch taking a picture of her like she was a sideshow performer was the first time the show actually made me tear up. 

[notyrmomma]

11 hours ago, swankie said:

They showed Erica packing a package of what looked like adult diapers, so I think that explains how she got through the plane ride without having to get up.

She also probably didn't drink anything for a long time before boarding the plane.  Remember, when she got to the hotel and used the restroom, her pee was so dark that she thought it was bloody.

(sorry, I replied before I saw @NYCFree 's comment)

Edited February 10, 2017 by notyrmomma

[operalover]

She said her mother was so supporting and loving. A lot of people don't have that. We all have trauma and sad things in our lives. A lot of people have dysfunctional rotten horrible parents. A lot of people lose a loved one. I hate to say it but these 600 pound people pick something that all of us have in our past and blame that. She was 200 pounds at age 12- she says she ate and ate. By age 16 she was 300 pounds, but then she got gang raped and ate 'even more"- I don't know how she could eat even more than she already was eating. She was already on that path. Then she blamed her mother's death for eating "even more".  I'm sorry I think without the gang rape she would still be 600 pounds. I don't think it had anything to do with it. Her siblings had the same father. Her sister looked fat as a kid as well. The father didn't rib the sister too about her weight? I'm not buying it. The sister is still overweight, maybe 80 pounds over weight not 500 pounds overweight. I bet the sister works really hard not to be 600 pounds herself so that is where her resentment comes. She is overweight too, but eats vegetables and at least tries. She doesnt sit in bed and stuff her face all day long. 

The other thing that hit me was think about in the past, people were born with a terrible deformity and they didn't have the medical help we have now and had to live a very difficult life -deformed. They were ridiculed sometimes separated from their society. And in our present day society we are born normal and make ourselves deformed. Erica is something the human body is not supposed to be, so no she cannot fit on a plane, she can't sit in a chair, she cannot do the normal things the world is set up for normal sized bodies. She seems to blame the world because she can't take part. She is this abnormal human form, but like her siblings said - she did it to herself! It's so bizarre to think of it that way when you never saw this 200 years ago- that someone would turn themselves into a disabled freak. Because when things starting getting hard at 400 pounds let's say, and a lymphedema started growing, that was the time to take action. 

The other thing was the brother saying "so this doctor in Houston is the ONLY one who can help you?" Like all she had to do really is stop eating and diet, he was thinking, why go through all this trouble and expense, when all he is doing in Houston is  telling you to diet? Dr Na by dangling the hope of surgery over their head and yelling at them is able to get them to diet when no one else could! she is telling her brother that if she doesnt go to Dr Na she will die. But really the choice is hers all along.  In my opinion Erica and her brother and sister all were horrible people, but they had a way to communicate with each other that was their pattern. It was a family pattern and seemed normal for them to say mean things to each other. 

[Maizie131]

When she missed her 2nd appointment with Dr. Now, then called him to lament she had nobody to help her, etc., he told her he needed to know her current weight loss and would make arrangements for her.  The thought occurred to me after seeing the ambulance arrive to take her to a scale, with 5 or 6 attendants there to get her on the gurney & into the ambulance:  wouldn't it have been far more cost-effective to bring a scale to her?  Maybe because a doctor had to be the one to record the weight?  I dunno -- just seemed really excessive for something so simple.

[AZChristian]

1 minute ago, Maizie131 said:

When she missed her 2nd appointment with Dr. Now, then called him to lament she had nobody to help her, etc., he told her he needed to know her current weight loss and would make arrangements for her.  The thought occurred to me after seeing the ambulance arrive to take her to a scale, with 5 or 6 attendants there to get her on the gurney & into the ambulance:  wouldn't it have been far more cost-effective to bring a scale to her?  Maybe because a doctor had to be the one to record the weight?  I dunno -- just seemed really excessive for something so simple.

When my brother was being monitored after discharge from the hospital, they brought an electronic scale and blood pressure device to his home.  He weighed himself daily and used the BP device, and the information was automatically sent to his nurse-contact at the hospital.  Of course, he could have cheated.

However, it does make more sense that an approved medical person could have taken a scale to the home rather than using all the resources they used (obviously for drama).  It's not like Dr. Now puts the patient on the scale and records the numbers himself.

[operalover]

When she said "no one person should ever have to experience pain like this"- I right away thought with people with cancer, and all the pain they face. THAT isn't fair. 

At the beginning she says "i always wake up and Im so hungry and So STARVING" 

I can't walk but I take myself to the kitchen. 

They said on the supersized that the brother was furious when he found out his daughter was buying the food and enabling his sister that he stopped talking to both of them. 

She dragged her sister and brother in law to Houston on that miserable 3 hour car trip and 4 hour plane trip, went to see Dr. Na, took time out of their lives to to it and as soon as she comes home she is ordering pizza and whatever she wants? 

The nutritionist was awful, no help, said eat protein it is more filling than carbs and then threw out all the food and left. USELESS.

I don't buy the father caused her weight gain because she says "I never thought about my weight until I was 12 and I was 200 pounds and people at school started to tease" and then said the father didnt start teasing her until she was 12.  AFTER she got fat and was eating herself to a 200 pd 12 year old, he started to say things to her about it,,,so before then what was the reason? She had a loving family, the best mother in the world.

[ClareWalks]

I don't think she packed adult diapers, and here's why: there is no way an adult diaper company produces diapers in that size. Or that they'd then come in such a small package, unless that holds only one diaper.

[Azubah]

If you do a search for bariatric incontinence supplies, you'll see that they do sell them. "Fits waists up to 106 inches". 

49 minutes ago, operalover said:

They said on the supersized that the brother was furious when he found out his daughter was buying the food and enabling his sister that he stopped talking to both of them. 

Interesting. Not a great family dynamic. And refusing to speak to your daughter is just childish and dysfunctional. Why not sit down with her and talk about enabling behavior? 

[Hockeymom]

So here are my thoughts after watching the show and reading the comments - tried to chime in yesterday, but no power thanks to the snow!

I don't think Erica's mother was so loving. Her daughter was 200 pounds in middle school. That's a problem. She allowed her husband to degrade his daughter. That's also a problem. Erica was so hungry for approval that she ended up being gang raped at 16. Her mother did noting about it!

Keeping it this big, hidden secret, just reinforced the notion that Erica had done something shameful. Not tell the father? Not report it to the police? No repercussions for these boys? What!?

The fact that not one person defended her or held her abusers accountable further reinforced the notion that she was unworthy. Even now, when she tells the story, it's like she's waiting for a reaction. It was a different time, but not that different. I am older than Erica. I was molested by a stranger as a tween. Let me tell you. There were, and are, resources in place for families. We weren't especially wealthy then. From what I remember, WAR (Women Against Rape) was a huge help for us. I believe they helped with legal council. Her mother should have gotten her counseling. She should have raised an army on her daughter's behalf! But no. Crickets.

I think we find Erica so distasteful because we are judging her through the lens of normalcy. Not  to be mean, but clearly Erica has mental challenges. It's like being frustrated with a baby for not using sentences. Erica is infantile. She behaves like her maturity was arrested somewhere along the way. Many of these patients were borderline to begin with - already had some propensity for instability. Add some traumatic event, and Bam! it's over.

I loved this therapist. I especially loved that the initial visit was just the start. Only good can come of this!

[operalover]

13 minutes ago, Hockeymom said:

So here are my thoughts after watching the show and reading the comments - tried to chime in yesterday, but no power thanks to the snow!

I don't think Erica's mother was so loving. Her daughter was 200 pounds in middle school. That's a problem. She allowed her husband to degrade his daughter. That's also a problem. Erica was so hungry for approval that she ended up being gang raped at 16. Her mother did noting about it!

 

The way she was carrying on about her mom, it seemed the way you can idolize someone after they die. She was idolizing her for sure saying she was the most loving, the most supportive, the nicest woman that ever lived. Which I found a little hard to believe.  She had issues way before the rape and way before her father starting teasing her. She did say her mother made great meals every night.

[okerry]

9 hours ago, bethster2000 said:

I am watching the Supersized version.

I would not want to be a passenger on an aircraft with Erica.  I used to be a flight attendant; the first thing I thought is what a danger her size would be in case of an emergency.  Think for a second she'd be able to evacuate quickly or use a slide?  Worse yet, keeping other souls from reaching safety just by virtue of her size?  Nope.  Not me.

I thought of that, too. She would be a 650-pound stumbling block for the other passengers and would prevent them from reaching the exits if there was to be an emergency - and short of shoving her over the side, I don't see what the flight attendants could possibly do to get her off the plane.

I'm actually surprised that the airline, or the captain, allowed the plane to take with what is essentially a huge immovable piece of cargo wedged into the passenger section. Sorry to be so cold about it, but I think it's true.

[gonecrackers]

2 minutes ago, okerry said:

I thought of that, too. She would be a 650-pound stumbling block for the other passengers and would prevent them from reaching the exits if there was to be an emergency - and short of shoving her over the side, I don't see what the flight attendants could possibly do to get her off the plane.

I'm actually surprised that the airline, or the captain, allowed the plane to take with what is essentially a huge immovable piece of cargo wedged into the passenger section. Sorry to be so cold about it, but I think it's true.

I seriously doubt anyone that size would make it out of an airplane in the event of an emergency. The preference would go to all who could move & move fast. She would no doubt be last & most likely left behind. I wonder what their safety procedures are in a case like that, but it would shock me if they allowed someone that size or that immobile to go first & block bunches of other people from getting out to safety.

[Ocean Chick]

12 hours ago, 7788BeaconHighway said:

First-time poster. I had to register to comment on this show.  It seems really obvious to me that the root of Erica's problems is the abuse by her father.

I'm sorry - did I miss something?  Or watch a different program?  What "abuse"?  His saying that her gaining weight at the speed she was, was disappointing?  From what I remember, she said he'd say things like "What happened to my pretty little girl?"  Since when is this abuse?  Yeah, he wasn't happy that she was 300 lbs by age 16.  And he let her know it.  He didn't hit her.  He didn't starve her.  He didn't make her live in a dog house in the backyard.  He didn't sexually abuse her.  No, he didn't tell her he was unhappy with her weight gain in the most PC manner.  He probably didn't even know what PC was, having come from another generation.  And as others have pointed out, she was ALREADY fat before her father started making comments.

Erica is just a nicer Penny - wanting her cake and wanting to eat it too, and then expecting everyone else to lose the weight for her or die trying.

[ClareWalks]

43 minutes ago, Azubah said:

If you do a search for bariatric incontinence supplies, you'll see that they do sell them. "Fits waists up to 106 inches". 

I actually thought right after I wrote that "...and if they DO sell them, I ain't googling it!" LOL.

[Madding crowd]

I felt very sorry for Erica even though I understood the frustration of her family. Getting gang raped is a traumatic event that will not heal without therapy. And her weight at the time doesn't matter: it is just as traumatic to be raped at 200 pounds than at 90 pounds. Her mother not only didnt get therapy or try to have the boys arrested, she hid the situation from the rest of the family. I also don't at all get the comments of: She shouldn't feel so bad about being raped or being in pain-other people have cancer. Everyone on earth relates to their own trauma-people respond differently to getting cancer, getting gang raped is a whole different thing.

I was frustrated with her for asking for help and then complaining. But I was equally upset for her sister offering help and then making snippy comments. No one should have to earn a right to be in a family. I don't spend much time worrying about whether she needs diapers or going to the bathroom-not interested in people's private bathroom stuff.

I liked the therapist but Erica will need something to thing about and do or the eating will come back. She has no family members that want to spend time with her, no friends, job, hobbies, interests etc. That is a surefire recipe for an addiction. I believe if she could find a good friend she would feel more positive about life and not complain so much or eat so much. 

[fonfereksglen]

Watched bits and pieces of the super-sized - 

Erica stopped driving nine months earlier.  Possibly a tension creator in the family.  Whining that no one visits you when you chose to stop driving is just silly.  That should have been the bottom line, but it wasn't. 

Erica's niece was doing a lot more for her than just buying groceries, such as laundry and shaving legs.

The sister has only been married for four years.  That little game Erica played when they were leaving for the airport was awful.  Having to sit down on the way to the vehicle every two steps or so, slowing everything down, was ridiculous.  (We didn't see any difficulty walking back and forth from the bedroom to the kitchen and back, even carrying her shirt stuffed full of sweets and treats.) Her B-I-L clearly was fed up with that nonsense as well as dealing with that heavy wheelchair, walker and endless bags.  

As others have mentioned, this was about sibling dynamics rather than parent-child.  Very different with very different sense of obligations, because of the closeness in age and the likelihood that the other siblings have full time obligations.  It was also a very similar dynamic, as others also mentioned, to an Intervention, where the family is just burned out and things must change.

The filled floor freezer in the little apartment was jaw dropping.  

[Hockeymom]

3 minutes ago, operalover said:

She did say her mother made great meals every night.

I'm sure her mother was very nice. And I suppose she loved her as well as she was able. This entire family dynamic seems off. I can't get over the mother not telling the father that his daughter was raped. That says a lot. About both of them.

 

17 minutes ago, Ocean Chick said:

What "abuse"?

17 minutes ago, Ocean Chick said:

No, he didn't tell her he was unhappy with her weight gain in the most PC manner.  He probably didn't even know what PC was, having come from another generation. 

9 minutes ago, operalover said:

 

That is abuse. People are accountable for what they say. Words can cause damage, and clearly his did.

Why do people get a pass because they came from a different generation? He didn't come from the 1800's. She's only 44, so he's what, 65? 65 and living in the same world we all are. Yes, she had a weight problem as a child. Child, not adult. Children are under the custody and control of their parents. When children have a problem, they need guidance. They need help figuring things out. Someone older and hopefully wiser needs to step in. If your kid is failing math, do you call them stupid, or do you figure out why? Maybe they need glasses, maybe a better view of the board, maybe some tutoring, maybe any number of things. The point is, grown adults don't resort to name calling. They man-up and deal with whatever uncomfortable situation their kid is in. You can look at her for five minutes and see she needs mental help. Instead of ridiculing her, he should have gotten her some therapy. Yes, it existed waaay back in the 90's.

And perhaps if he wasn't so busy being hostile, her father might have noticed his little girl was raped. How do you not see that? And then to blame her for being a non-functioning adult is the height of hypocrisy. He failed as a father and she is paying the price.

[Mrs. P.]

Her niece helped shave her legs? How was it possible to shave legs that are so distorted and bloated with lymphedema?

[Kellyee]

I went back and forth between feeling bad for Erica and wanting to smack her. I haven't see the last 30 minutes of the episode yet, but so far Erica really seems to think surgery is a magic bullet, and doesn't seem to have any real motivation otherwise. Everyone who tries to help her (therapist, nutritionist, niece) gets belittled by her on camera the moment they walk out the door. She is really into her victimhood and has no apparent desire to work on her emotional state.

And Molly should never have agreed to be on the show if she was going to be that detached about it. I get the frustration, but she came across as a bitch. I really wondered if their mom super-favored Erica, and that was why Molly is so resentful.

And what is up with the repeated naked body shots????? Does the show force people to do this in order to be on the show? And who would agreed to sit there naked washing themselves while a camera was rolling?

[Hana Chan]

10 minutes ago, Hockeymom said:

That is abuse. People are accountable for what they say. Words can cause damage, and clearly his did.

I'm going to disagree with this very strongly. A parent should be watching out for the health of his child and if his twelve year old daughter was weighing 200 pounds, that is something that he would be noting and trying to encourage her to do something. It wasn't cruel and he wasn't calling her a disgusting fat cow. It sounded like he was being very gentle and she felt it as being judgemental. That's on her.

And it's one thing for a teenager to feel hurt over something a parent said. Erica is a grown woman and she's still blaming that she didn't feel like her father loved her enough for her problems. I just don't buy it. Sometimes you just have to own your own shit and accept your responsibility for the situation you end up in. It's not her father's fault that she overate to the point that she burst her stomach stapling or ate to the point that she was over 600lbs. We're all responsible for the choices that we make.

12 minutes ago, Hockeymom said:

I can't get over the mother not telling the father that his daughter was raped. That says a lot. About both of them.

I can understand a teenage girl not wanting it revealed to everyone in the universe that she was the victim of a gang rape where the main perpetrator was her boyfriend. I understand the shame that they can feel and not thinking that a parent might understand. I've had friends who kept deep dark secrets from their parents for years because they didn't believe that their father or mother would understand. But Erica did tell her mother and it was jarring to me that no one thought to get her therapy. Even without the rape, she had tremendous issues with self esteem and her weight and counseling would have probably helped her.

And while her mother may have failed to get her the help that she needed as a teenager, there was nothing to stop Erica for seeking help herself once she was an adult. She didn't become nearly completely immobile or a recluse overnight and there were plenty of points along the way where she could have sought out help. I do agree that the family dynamics are a mess, but Erica is very much a responsible party in making it so. She seems to always be looking for someone else to be responsible for fixing what's wrong with her rather than taking ownership of her problems. I get that being clinically depressed makes that exceedingly difficult, but that doesn't absolve her from the responsibility of taking control of her own life.

[Hockeymom]

5 minutes ago, Hana Chan said:

A parent should be watching out for the health of his child and if his twelve year old daughter was weighing 200 pounds, that is something that he would be noting and trying to encourage her to do something.

There is a big difference between encouraging and taunting. Encouraging is "Honey, I need to take better care of myself so I can be around for you guys. Would you help me out and start walking (biking, playing tennis, catch, whatever) with me a little every day? I'd really appreciate it." He would be helping her, she'd love the attention, and she'd never know he was embarrassed by her size.

And yes, Erica is a grown woman now. But imagine how different her life could have been. When your child has a medical condition, you take them to every doctor, specialist, or hospital, until you find a cure. A 200 pound child has a medical condition.  It may be physical. It may be mental. But there is some underlying cause.

Had she gotten help as a child, there would have been a diagnosis in place. Medication perhaps. A framework for her parents. Resources. Therapists. Lots of people deal with all kinds of conditions and lead happy, successful lives.

I do blame the parents. They may have loved her, but they certainly didn't help her any.

[notyrmomma]

1 hour ago, Mrs. P. said:

Her niece helped shave her legs? How was it possible to shave legs that are so distorted and bloated with lymphedema?

I'm shocked that hair grew on her legs with the lymphodemia.

1 hour ago, Hockeymom said:

I'm sure her mother was very nice. And I suppose she loved her as well as she was able. This entire family dynamic seems off. I can't get over the mother not telling the father that his daughter was raped. That says a lot. About both of them.

 

That is abuse. People are accountable for what they say. Words can cause damage, and clearly his did.

Why do people get a pass because they came from a different generation? He didn't come from the 1800's. She's only 44, so he's what, 65? 65 and living in the same world we all are. Yes, she had a weight problem as a child. Child, not adult. Children are under the custody and control of their parents. When children have a problem, they need guidance. They need help figuring things out. Someone older and hopefully wiser needs to step in. If your kid is failing math, do you call them stupid, or do you figure out why? Maybe they need glasses, maybe a better view of the board, maybe some tutoring, maybe any number of things. The point is, grown adults don't resort to name calling. They man-up and deal with whatever uncomfortable situation their kid is in. You can look at her for five minutes and see she needs mental help. Instead of ridiculing her, he should have gotten her some therapy. Yes, it existed waaay back in the 90's.

And perhaps if he wasn't so busy being hostile, her father might have noticed his little girl was raped. How do you not see that? And then to blame her for being a non-functioning adult is the height of hypocrisy. He failed as a father and she is paying the price.

They also had police and a court system back in the 90s too.  I'm only two years younger than Erika and hell hath no fury if someone did that to me.  I think my dad would have tried to go after those boys personally, LOL, then my mom would have had them arrested and sued the owner of the house/the parents/anyone she could find.  I remember watching after school specials about rape!  There was probably more to the story of the gang rape in why the police were never called (I'm almost ready to proclaim bull shit on the story, but maybe it was true, who knows).

2 hours ago, Madding crowd said:

I felt very sorry for Erica even though I understood the frustration of her family. Getting gang raped is a traumatic event that will not heal without therapy. And her weight at the time doesn't matter: it is just as traumatic to be raped at 200 pounds than at 90 pounds. Her mother not only didnt get therapy or try to have the boys arrested, she hid the situation from the rest of the family. I also don't at all get the comments of: She shouldn't feel so bad about being raped or being in pain-other people have cancer. Everyone on earth relates to their own trauma-people respond differently to getting cancer, getting gang raped is a whole different thing.

I was frustrated with her for asking for help and then complaining. But I was equally upset for her sister offering help and then making snippy comments. No one should have to earn a right to be in a family. I don't spend much time worrying about whether she needs diapers or going to the bathroom-not interested in people's private bathroom stuff.

I liked the therapist but Erica will need something to thing about and do or the eating will come back. She has no family members that want to spend time with her, no friends, job, hobbies, interests etc. That is a surefire recipe for an addiction. I believe if she could find a good friend she would feel more positive about life and not complain so much or eat so much. 

I don't know if I can articulate this correctly, but I think there was mutual resentment between Erica and her siblings.  Remember Erica's comment about "how come other people can eat whatever they want?"  I bet she's made a similar comment through the years like "how come I don't have a family of my own?"  Either that or she resents that her siblings moved on and started their own families without her.  Similarly, the siblings may resent Erika because she never progressed in life and they can't have a regular adult sibling relationship with her--like on holidays, all three families can't just get together and have fun, someone has to go pick up and take care of Aunt Erica.  Erica is the habitual 3rd wheel. 

[skippy]

On ‎2‎/‎8‎/‎2017 at 8:32 PM, Maggienolia said:

I can't believe she actually fit on the plane. At least she has the whole row to herself. How awful for all involved if she were having to share the row with one or two other people. 

She complained that they made her buy all 3 seats, but honestly, the airline had to do that, since she took up all 3.

[Carolina Girl]

I kept going back and forth with sympathy for Erica.  Her teenage gang-rape experience was horrific and her parents - BOTH of them - should have brought charges against those animals.  I'm still unsure why they didn't.  I have a son, not a daughter, but if she came home with that story, I'd be down at the police station in five minutes.  And then those monsters could deal with the law.  

That being said, I don't like her strong-arm tactics.  I didn't really like her sister, and the comments she made but I would be very interested in the history there.   And as for people "not helping" you Erica, your niece went through your house prior to your return and removed all food that was not conducive to weight loss.  Which was probably no small task, considering you remarked that your house had enough food to feed a family of four for several months.  After doing this, all you did was complain about it and then negate her efforts by ordering food you KNEW wasn't on your diet.  And your sister cared enough to call Dr. Now and advise him about it.  This, of course, after you completely disrupted THEIR lives to take you to Houston to begin with.

[Hockeymom]

2 minutes ago, notyrmomma said:

There was probably more to the story of the gang rape in why the police were never called (I'm almost ready to proclaim bull shit on the story, but maybe it was true, who knows).

I was kinda thinking that as well! I'm sure something happened. Clearly, it did. But I really can't get past the fact that her mother kept it a secret.  Erica has said repeatedly that she said yes to her boyfriend, but not yes to the others. Why keep making that distinction? Was it murky perhaps? I hate to say it, but consensual? A weak no? That's the only reason I can think of for not prosecuting. Then she had to see these same boys in school everyday?  

I am in NO WAY blaming the victim. I hate it that women are held to a higher standard than men in sex abuse cases.  Even if it was consensual, (which I doubt) or the boyfriend was exploiting her (which I believe), these boys should have seen how fragile she was. It was her first time. This had to hurt! Just because she wasn't fighting, doesn't mean she was willing. I assume she wasn't fighting because there would have been bruises, scratches, blood, etc. Rape is pretty violent. Who wouldn't notice their battered, distraught, 16 year old daughter coming home late? 

[atiyah9369]

4 hours ago, ClareWalks said:

I don't think she packed adult diapers, and here's why: there is no way an adult diaper company produces diapers in that size. Or that they'd then come in such a small package, unless that holds only one diaper.

I think those might have been the depends bed protectors or the men guards?

[TheVoicesToldMeTo]

16 hours ago, guilfoyleatpp said:

She and I are very close in age.  Back in the 80s, rape and sexual assault were handled differently. And how egregiously the victim was treated depended (and still does) on where they live, their social status, their socio-economic status, etc.  Watch "The Accused" and you'll see what many many have gone through for decades...and without the satisfying ending that Jodi Foster gets.

It is highly probable that if she did attempt to report it she would have been brushed off or humiliated. Women still are. That's why so many sexual assaults go unreported. 

I agree that those guys definitely should have gone to jail, but it is unlikely to have happened in any case.

I'm same age too.  Even in the mid 80s sex was still kind of seen as something men do and women have done to them.  Rape by someone you know was a relatively new concept.  If acquaintance-rape was portrayed on TV it usually resembled more of a seduction. There also was and still is a stigma that a young sexually active woman is asking for trouble and this sort of thing "happens" when you don't follow the rules.  It's also possible she could have been drinking or maybe smoking weed (yeah, I don't really see it with this one) and that impairment would have also added to the blame game. 

35 minutes ago, Hockeymom said:

Rape is pretty violent. Who wouldn't notice their battered, distraught, 16 year old daughter coming home late? 

Not necessarily.  If a victim is threatened with a beating or they are absolutely terrified (think young, confused children) they might "let" their attacker just "do" whatever they have to do to "get it over with".  I don't want to speculate too much about Erica's case, but she already had massively low self-esteem, her boyfriend was probably a huge asshole (low self esteem attracts assholes like magnets) and he probably pressured her into having sex in the first place.  She was already very large (200 lbs at the age 12, so who knows how heavy at age 16) and likely wasn't super psyched about even getting naked in front of someone she liked.  It's possible that she sort of "let" the cousins and friends have sex with her or completely froze because she was ashamed, scared, didn't want to be rejected by her BF, was scared the boys would harass her if she didn't...who knows.  The idea of "enthusiastic consent" is also relatively new.  They also could have assumed she was consenting if she didn't scream or get up and run out of the room.  Who knows.

[Ocean Chick]

2 hours ago, Hockeymom said:

And yes, Erica is a grown woman now. But imagine how different her life could have been. When your child has a medical condition, you take them to every doctor, specialist, or hospital, until you find a cure. A 200 pound child has a medical condition.  It may be physical. It may be mental. But there is some underlying cause.

Had she gotten help as a child, there would have been a diagnosis in place. Medication perhaps. A framework for her parents. Resources. Therapists. Lots of people deal with all kinds of conditions and lead happy, successful lives.

I have friends who had a little girl who quickly started gaining weight before Kindergarten age.  And kept on growing.  They took her to the doctor.  They took her to nutrition classes.  They took her to therapists.  They did the best the could to encourage her not to over eat and to get exercise.  But she still did over eat.  And didn't exercise.  And now, as a young women in her mid-20s, she is very overweight and has type 2 diabetes.  And continues to eat bagels and donuts and who knows what else.  It's the old adage, you can lead a horse to water....  There is no cure for hard-headedness.  And bad genetics (the women on her mom's side of the family tend to be overweight).  She knows what she needs to do if she wants to lose weight, so at this point I have to assume she doesn't want to lose the weight.

I'm not going to condemn the dad until I hear his side of the story.  Remember, we only got Erica's side, and I think she's a bit of a mamadrama.

 

ETA:  I have a feeling that the reason the rape wasn't reported was because there was probably under-aged drinking going on.  Erica might have been drunk at the time, and thus less able to put up a fuss when the other boys decided to have at her.  And if her mom thought that Erica was partly to blame (for going to the house with her boyfriend and his chums without anyone other girls around, and getting drunk, and having consensual sex with said boyfriend), then that might be why she wanted to hide the rape from everybody.  The defense could have really ripped Erica's reputation, and thus the entire family's reputation.  And the boys probably still have walked.  They get to skate today (Standford rapist as an example), and even more so 30 years ago.  It would have been her word against theirs ("she WANTED to have sex with all of us!").

Edited February 10, 2017 by Ocean Chick

[Miss Ruth]

I vacillated between feeling sorry for Erica, and agreeing with her sister when she told Erica, “You did this to yourself.”  Admittedly, when the show first came on, I wondered to myself if she is so fat because her dad (or other family member) molested her or because she was raped by someone else.  Erica said her dad started calling her names when she was twelve years old, and that she was gang-raped at the age of sixteen.  How then, is her weight the fault of others?  She was twelve years old and already weighed 200 pounds when her dad started mocking her.  She was sixteen and 400 pounds when she was raped!

Erica seemed to think that the surgery would be the only thing she had to do to lose weight. She did have weight loss surgery before, and managed to sabotage herself.  I think her family has been through more than we will ever know with her.  Maybe Erica has cried, “Wolf!” so many times, it’s time to put up or shut up with her family.  I don’t blame them.

I just have to wonder, however, why the person who did her pedicures didn’t take the time to put lotion on at least her big leg?

swankie, I think Angel (Season 3) was the most depressed one I have ever seen.

[hoosiermom]

I have been in recovery for going on 20 years and any addiction changes the way we perceive the world around us. Once I got clean and sober, it was clear that I was the one causing my problems and not the people who loved me or things that had happened to me. It's not the bad things that have happened to us that make us who we are but how we choose to deal with them. IMO

[gonecrackers]

I haven't been able to get through the whole show yet. Did they ever say, maybe in the extended version, if Erica ever worked? How did she afford her apartment, all that food, & apparently a car? (since it was posted here that she had been driving up to a few months prior to the filming)

I guess TLC paid for the flight - 3 seats - hotels, etc? 

[Tabbygirl521]

Talking about parents not "getting" sexual violence because they are older seems like nonsense to me. First, I am old enough to be Erica's mom and those boys would be dead if she were my daughter. And my own mom literally tried to kill a guy who attempted to lure my sister and her friends into a basement. Back in the '70s. My sister ran home and sounded the alarm. The guy took off on foot and my mom gave chase in a car and tried to run him down. She was born in 1926. So...

I also think the dad was emotionally abusive. He was quoted as saying Erica fell asleep as a little girl and woke up as Godzilla. What a prick. Fat people know they are fat. They don't need it pointed out - but if they are obviously troubled kids, as Erica surely was - a parent ought to look for a productive and supportive solution. 

[Hockeymom]

1 hour ago, Ocean Chick said:

I'm not going to condemn the dad until I hear his side of the story.  Remember, we only got Erica's side, and I think she's a bit of a mamadrama.

We only got to hear Erica's side because the dad didn't participate. I'd be happy to hear what he has to say. Until then, I have no problem condemning him. 

4 minutes ago, Tabbygirl521 said:

Talking about parents not "getting" sexual violence because they are older seems like nonsense to me. First, I am old enough to be Erica's mom and those boys would be dead if she were my daughter. And my own mom literally tried to kill a guy who attempted to lure my sister and her friends into a basement. Back in the '70s. My sister ran home and sounded the alarm. The guy took off on foot and my mom gave chase in a car and tried to run him down. She was born in 1926. So...

I also think the dad was emotionally abusive. He was quoted as saying Erica fell asleep as a little girl and woke up as Godzilla. What a prick. Fat people know they are fat. They don't need it pointed out - but if they are obviously troubled kids, as Erica surely was - a parent ought to look for a productive and supportive solution. 

YES!

[Ocean Chick]

10 minutes ago, Hockeymom said:

We only got to hear Erica's side because the dad didn't participate. I'd be happy to hear what he has to say. Until then, I have no problem condemning him. 

Do we even know if dad and mom are still alive?  I don't think they ever mentioned them after Erica talked about her childhood.  They could both be dead.

[Tabbygirl521]

1 minute ago, Ocean Chick said:

Do we even know if dad and mom are still alive?  I don't think they ever mentioned them after Erica talked about her childhood.  They could both be dead.

I noticed Dad was blurred out in old family photos at the beginning. I think he is still alive because Erica said "I still don't think he knows" about the gang rape (or something like that; anyway, it was in the present tense).

[Hockeymom]

10 minutes ago, Ocean Chick said:

Do we even know if dad and mom are still alive?  I don't think they ever mentioned them after Erica talked about her childhood.  They could both be dead.

They talked about her mother dying, and how Erica's size prevented her from getting close to the bedside. I noticed also that both mom and dad were blurred in some of the old family photos. I wonder why some, and not others?

Dad is very much alive.

[TheVoicesToldMeTo]

12 minutes ago, Hockeymom said:

They talked about her mother dying, and how Erica's size prevented her from getting close to the bedside. I noticed also that both mom and dad were blurred in some of the old family photos. I wonder why some, and not others?

Dad is very much alive.

People or some other publication covered Erica's story and the mother was in a car accident, on life support, and Erica claimed her weight prevented her from visiting her mother in her final hours.  FWIW, someone in the comments section said that Erica was able to visit her mother in the final hours but due to her weight/immobility couldn't give her mother a final kiss before life support was turned off. 

I can imagine why dad wouldn't want to appear on the show.  He probably knew he would be a target.  If I'm not mistaken, from some of the older pictures of Erica, her dad was already obese, so he may also be in a similar state Erica is in, only 25-ish years older, and maybe did not want an additional target on his back. 

[TheVoicesToldMeTo]

46 minutes ago, Hockeymom said:

Talking about parents not "getting" sexual violence because they are older seems like nonsense to me. First, I am old enough to be Erica's mom and those boys would be dead if she were my daughter. And my own mom literally tried to kill a guy who attempted to lure my sister and her friends into a basement. Back in the '70s. My sister ran home and sounded the alarm. The guy took off on foot and my mom gave chase in a car and tried to run him down. She was born in 1926. So...

How horrifying!  How is your sister coping?

This may be a different scenario than what happened to Erica.  Your sister's trauma sounds like a person unknown/untrusted in the family, maybe a pedo in the neighborhood - someone  that your sister wouldn't normally associate with tried to assault her.  With Erica, she was 16, perfectly normal dating age, it was her boyfriend who lured her into the gang rape.  It would have been a challenge for the court system at that time to procure probable cause to arrest these boys unless there was traumatic injuries, or a witness heard her screaming, etc.   It's easier to show probable cause for an arrest when you have something like a 50 year old predator trying to lure middle/elementary schooler (who is too young to be sexually active) into a home/basement that kid wouldn't normally be in.

[Tabbygirl521]

28 minutes ago, TheVoicesToldMeTo said:

How horrifying!  How is your sister coping?

This may be a different scenario than what happened to Erica.  Your sister's trauma sounds like a person unknown/untrusted in the family, maybe a pedo in the neighborhood - someone  that your sister wouldn't normally associate with tried to assault her.  With Erica, she was 16, perfectly normal dating age, it was her boyfriend who lured her into the gang rape.  It would have been a challenge for the court system at that time to procure probable cause to arrest these boys unless there was traumatic injuries, or a witness heard her screaming, etc.   It's easier to show probable cause for an arrest when you have something like a 50 year old predator trying to lure middle/elementary schooler (who is too young to be sexually active) into a home/basement that kid wouldn't normally be in.

My sister is fine - this was 45+ years ago and nothing happened. She and her friends were out playing when this stranger came along and tried to lure them. Her friends started to go with but she ran home and alerted Mom. 

I am confident that my mom would have tried to mow down anyone of any age who hurt, or tried to hurt, my sister or me at any point in our lives. I wish Erica's mom had been equally fierce. But I do get your point about how the court system might have handled Erica's case. 

Edited February 10, 2017 by Tabbygirl521