Marriage Boot Camp - General Discussion

[methadonna]

(Hope this is the right thread for the new season)

A promising start: after some painfully canned dialogue as the Doctors are Due on Maple Street observe their allegedly human subjects on multiple TV screens, so you Totes Know It’s Fo Realz, The Doctors enter the House, where Amber has been taking her best stab at character-exposition improv, but, in confusing it with method acting and treating everyone else like they’re her kid (forgetting they exist), she never gives space for a single yes-and moment. 

After a mini-infomercial where the  Monsters try to convince us that they are not just human but doctors, and well-qualified ones at that, they show-don’t-tell their true expertise:

 

Dr. V sez: This experience over the next ten days will lead to one question, “ Is your dysfunctional family, is it [sic] worth saving?”

Dr. Ish adds: “Or, is it time to cut yourself off from your family?”

 

The school bell rings: is this so the doctors can learn to count? How can I have any faith in their humblebrag count of years of education when they dramatically tell us it all leads to One Question and then dramatically tell us the TWO?

 

And I woulda thought the gaslighting would have at least waited until Dr. V put her name on the chalkboard and spelled it “V”, no period, like her actual name is a damn letter. Nope. Dr. Shit isn’t convincing me that he didn’t change it to the more beeper-friendly Dr. Ish, and Dr. V needs some vowels if she wants to make it a nickname and not have me think it’s just her initial and it’s really Dr. Vulva or something.

 

Can’t count to three, don’t know words from ABCs: these quacks don’t need a pretend school house; they need a Fisher-Price My First Record Player and a Jackson Five album.

 

Oh, or lessons from Mrs. Jones: she knows how to spell m-o-t-h-e-r. If Brandi adds on by spelling her most-used word, they could teach the doctors how to spell their full names.

 

(I’d put Amber on the sub list for Brandi, but she can’t count either, since I don’t think “10 straight years” is the answer to “What is x - y, where x = the number of years since you first started ‘keepin’ it real’ on reality television and y = the number of years you were on hiatus from reality TV due to being in jell and/or cancellation?”)

 

Again, Mrs. Jones might know the answer, since her immediate response to the suggestion of interacting with Amber was, “I’m too old to go jail.” 

 

Ok, so we all know this show was filmed like a year ago (or...and I guess this helps Amber’s timeline issues make sense, in a time warp, since that has been enough time to simultaneously accomplish what most people put on a five-year timeline, at the least, (breaking off one engagement and moving the man out of your home, meeting a new guy, moving in the new guy, and getting pregnant. (Did she have the crotchfruit yet? Would she notice?)) while also never getting off her couch, like it was just one long weekend. 

 

But seeing the difference between what Brandi’s face looked like just a year or so ago and what she had done to it by the time she showed up in the CBB House last month is jarring and would suggest they’ve been sitting on this film for a non-Amber definition of ten years straight. Shit, yo. 

 

Maybe it’s just like seeing someone unattractive after being trapped in a house of funhouse mirrors with them, but I *think* she actually looks really good here. (And, personality wise, she’s got Amber to help her come across as normal and sane, so far, and ruin-your-Face-wise, she’s got the Mob Wife woman (Renee?) to make her look practically like her face is still in human form). 

 

Damn, if they had current-Brandi, Renee, and current Amber faces all on at once, anyone else would be like the surgery-can’t-help-them-look-“normal” ugly- beauties from the Twilight Zone episode, “Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder.” 

 

Which is pretty much the epitome of reality tv imitates art at this point, anyway. 

 

Add Adrienne Maloof, Farrah Abraham and one naturally conventionally beautiful woman, and we’d have our new Show: Rod Sterling’s Real Housetwentysomethingteenmoms of Binghamton Zone. 

 

Except, in homage to Dr. V, we should probably remove all those pesky punctuation marks and numbers. And have a second show but still call them both one.

[toodywoody]

I wanted so bad for too big for her britches Amber to get punched right in her crooked mouth. lol

[GreatKazu]

Holy moly, Brandi's face is terrible! HD tv is not kind to her. All those fillers and those lips of hers are jacked up for life!

I kinda felt for Amber's mom. It seems she has flashbacks to her toxic relationship when Amber blows up. It must frighten her to be around Amber knowing she can lose it at any time. Walking on eggshells is exhausting and that is what that woman is doing. 

Amber looks like a man in drag.

[CaliforniaLove]

16 minutes ago, GreatKazu said:

Amber looks like a man in drag.

The easter egg pink hair with the neon blue eyes was jarring.

I had more to say, but I forgot...I got high just looking at Jim Jones.

[druzy]

@FairyDusted are we on the right thread? There has to be more people watching this show.

EDT- Here they are

The moderator from Amber's thread is bringing the posts to this thread. I let the posters on the other Boot Camp thread know we are here.

Edited March 10, 2018 by druzy

[butterbody]

I can't get over how BAD Amber looks! I guess it's my first time seeing her in HD maybe, but I was so distracted. She looks even more greasy than Matt,  and the bun with the pink roots, red lipstick, blue contacts- it's really no wonder NuMatt fell in love with her during filming. 

[Caseysgirl]

I forgot how truly terrible this show is (I think the last time I watched it was when Kendra & Hank were on) and tuned in to see the decline and fall of Matt & Amber.  I guess when Brandi seems the most sane, you are in trouble. I do not think I will be returning. The Dr's and their schtick are too much and I can't stand Amber yelling at everyone.  Amazing that Nu-Matt fell in love with her during this. I think the Teen Mom producers have babied those girls so much that they can't handle anything but being treated with kid gloves and it shows.

[TresGatos]

11 hours ago, FairyDusted said:

Even Brandi…Daddy issues. Yeah I may have to recuse myself errr maybe SHOULD! LOL

When they 1st showed the old snap of Brandi and her dad I commented that he looked like a 70's serial killer and later Brandi said the same thing! Repressed childhood memories surfacing?

[druzy]

@CofCinci @mamadrama Here is the link

Full Episode

[Jennifersdc]

I watched! I’m still on Amber TM thread. My bad. Mods say they’re switching us all/posts over to here.

This is some pretty funny shit. I can totally see how NuMatt fell in love! Insert eye roll similar to Farrah’s constant “one of the best known female celebrities in the nation” claim.

[druzy]

@methadonna @GreatKazu @toodywoody @CaliforniaLove @butterbody @Caseysgirl 

We are here in all episodes talk.

[methadonna]

10 hours ago, GreatKazu said:

Holy moly, Brandi's face is terrible! HD tv is not kind to her. All those fillers and those lips of hers are jacked up for life!

I’m not kidding: did you see her on Celeb Big Brother (the recent American version she did, not the older U.K. one she did previously? ...

(and, damn, how many discrete reality shows has this chick been on? I mean, props to her for finding a way to pay the bills that not only lets her drink on the job but probably gives her a bonus for doing it: she’s proof that, if you follow your passion, you’ll never feel like you’re working. Or something like that: print it in Motivational Sans Serif on a background of an image of Pinot served in a margarita glass, photographed through a lens covered in Barbara Walters’ and Drag Race’s camera vaseline (Brandi might want to get a rider that requires her to be filmed thusly, as well), and I’m sure it’s hanging in the offices of RHOWherevs middle management everywhere.

And didn’t she Build Her Brand out enough to get her name listed as a “with...” credit with the name of the person who actually wrote the books? Something like, How to Drink and [Do Something] and How to Drink  and [Do Something Else]? How is her dad not totally proud? It’s soooooooounfaiiiiiiiiirrrr). <—— beeteedubs, Dr. V-is-for-_____ sez that’s all one question.

 

Because, I’m not playing when I say that Brandi looks AMAZING here compared to the dysmorphic-tell-of-a-face she wore on CBB. Maybe she’s hoping to land Botched for her next appearance, but I think you’re right that she may have passed that point of no return into Jacked Up For Life. I’d really hoped she’d just gone in for her tune-up a little too close to the start of CBB filming, and some of that shininess and malformed did-you-get-this-done-in-a-storage-rental-unit-that-they-swore-was-a-totes-legit-office-and-no-these-are-topline-products-with-which-we’re-filling-your-face-and-definitely-contain-no-liquid-cement-or-blackmarket-products-of-unknown-origin appearance would lessen over time, but I saw no change over the time we saw her. The devolution of her appearance over time, but especially the jarring shift from in the year between this one and that makes me fear she’s riding the tire on the fast track to the heavy side layer of irreparable cat face. 

 

I am normally not into commenting on appearances, but when it’s such extreme and rapid self-imposed modification (that looks worse with each step), I feel like it’s a different situation. It also makes it hard to buy into her Ima-single-Mama-jus-tryin-to-support-my-boys narrative when I suspect I could live more comfortably than I do now on just her facial-downkeep costs.

 

Apropos nothing, when Matt greeted Renee with his effusive, “I’m such a fan,” I realized how possible it was for him to end up in a house filled with subleberties he’d hit up before ending up with Amber as his successful mark. I’d have paid to see every woman greet him with, “Oh, yeah, you were that creepy dude who kept tweeting at me about how I was the most beautiful woman you’d ever seen and you’d love to meet me....within a month of your meeting/moving in with Amber.”

Edited March 10, 2018 by methadonna
Oops, thanks, @Druzy !

[Jennifersdc]

23 hours ago, druzy said:

 

Amber thinks she is all badass. She has no clue who she is up against. 

Now that I’ve “met” the Gravanos and Joneses she should sit her ass down.

Unfortunately for us “reality therapy” TV won’t allow a beat down. Unfortunately for us, Amber also knows this. 

Brandi actually looks scared.  I’m waiting for her to get a bottle of wine into her (btw - does therapy generally include alcohol - sign me up).

MTV should be embarrassed by her behavior - which they’ve allowed. Which also applies to many of her cast members too. Shame...shame...shame...(insert bell emoji).

[GreatKazu]

Baby Huey has to be just as demented as Amber to have watched her throughout MBC and think, "I want this chick." He must have gotten wind of how much money she pulls in from TM and felt that was worth it. I am waiting to see what it is this guy will do once Matt's baby is born. Will he demand a DNA test? Let's hope. 

[druzy]

Too bad Amber is too lazy to tweet. Maybe she learned her lesson and knows not to bad mouth Brandi, Renee, Chrissy and Mama Jones.

[Jennifersdc]

6 hours ago, Caseysgirl said:

I forgot how truly terrible this show is (I think the last time I watched it was when Kendra & Hank were on) and tuned in to see the decline and fall of Matt & Amber.  I guess when Brandi seems the most sane, you are in trouble. I do not think I will be returning. The Dr's and their schtick are too much and I can't stand Amber yelling at everyone.  Amazing that Nu-Matt fell in love with her during this. I think the Teen Mom producers have babied those girls so much that they can't handle anything but being treated with kid gloves and it shows.

100% agree! Brandi the sane one? Spoiled TM’s? I only watched the first season (Bridezillas). I remember wanting to hit Dr. V with a tack hammer (is that wrong?). I also now remember her from an RHNJ episode when I used to watch (see tack hammer).

This could be highly entertaining though. I’ll be watching. I have high hopes it’ll be like the second season of VP Rules (my nirvana). I’ll need to stock up on bourbon. 

[FairyDusted]

OF course we were in the wrong thread. We left our home forum LOL! No wonder Druzy and me were talking to ourselves. This show is a hot mess. Matt looks greasy as ever. 

[FairyDusted]

ok sooooo am I am in the right thread yet? 

[druzy]

51 minutes ago, FairyDusted said:

ok sooooo am I am in the right thread yet? 

Well, some people were here and we were over there. People were posting in Amber's thread and the Mod said to stop posting in Amber's thread and that she was going to be moving those posts where we were originally posting.

After the Mod said she was moving the posts over there (where we were posting) I notified the people who posted here:

5 hours ago, druzy said:

@methadonna @GreatKazu @toodywoody @CaliforniaLove @butterbody @Caseysgirl 

We are here in all episodes talk.

The titles are very similar so I think people are posting on both threads. So in conclusion, the answer to your question is I don't know.

[druzy]

Quote

Brandi Glanville Says Amber Portwood Tried to Beat Her Up on ‘Marriage Boot Camp,’ Needs Medication

“She tried to beat me up,” Brandi, 45, told Us.

Renee detailed the moment: “She gets on top of the chair. Brandi had heels on and she’s talking to her so she gets on top of the chair and she’s about to lunge off the chair. I’m in between the two of them holding it back … it was crazy.”

“I had the mafia sisters going, ‘No, no one’s touching Brandi,’” the former model added, referring to Renee and her two sisters, Jenniferand Lana. “I’m like, ‘Take off my earrings!’”

Brandi explained that Amber came after her because she called the Teen Mom OG star a “narcissist.” She also claimed that Amber fought with her then-fiancé Matt Baier a ton throughout the show.

“They were all angry. There’s so many truths that they refuse to tell, the lies are just … they’re blowing up in their face,” Renee chimed in

While the entire season was crazy, Brandi said that the fight “came out of nowhere” and really scared her. “It was like, ‘Whoa, someone needs to take their meds … and trust me, she took plenty of them!”

Video interview with Brandi & Renee

[FairyDusted]

Lol ok @druzy. I’ll try to get it together. Thank you

Edited March 10, 2018 by FairyDusted
Manners

[druzy]

1 minute ago, FairyDusted said:

Lol ok @druzy. I’ll try to get it together. 

Come back here lol :)

@greatkazu the Mods put our posts from the Amber thread here

[FairyDusted]

@Druzy said sit my ass down here! Not moving. 

[druzy]

Just now, FairyDusted said:

@Druzy said sit my ass down here! Not moving. 

You're the best!

[mamadrama]

This is absolutely insane. What kind of crazy pills is NuMatt on? Ambular is absolutely deranged. And yes, she looks terrible. Like a cartoon character. 

I am not a fan of Brandi, either, so when she's showing some semblance of normal, you KNOW you've stumbled into some alternate universe. 

[Jennifersdc]

2 hours ago, FairyDusted said:

You and Druzy were only talking to each other/yourselves re MBC. It’s even funnier in retrospect. 

I couldn’t join in earlier cause Mr. DC refused to watch last night (see tack hammer re Dr. V.) And I was mistakenly on the Amber TM thread. 

[GreatKazu]

55 minutes ago, FairyDusted said:

@Druzy said sit my ass down here! Not moving. 

lol

*PPP*

57 minutes ago, druzy said:

Come back here lol :)

@greatkazu the Mods put our posts from the Amber thread here

*waving*

I did post here last night. I thought for a minute no one was watching. I felt all alone here. I then remembered Bridezillas was on too and figured you all were watching it and that is why no one posted here. 

[FairyDusted]

LOL Like those two old Muppets! HA!

@GreatKazu you can't take me anyplace! 

[GreatKazu]

lol We need to get that Being PTV special started! 

@druzy thanks for looking out for us! You are like the designated driver for us preverts. :-) 

[mamadrama]

The scary thing about this is that Amber looks like the nutcase, not Matt. He sits back, all calm and over it, while she flies off the handle. 

[GreatKazu]

Most definitely @mamadrama. 

Amber is a nut case. Let's just put that out there.

Amber is an abuser. She has that hair-trigger anger and anyone can set that off, not just Matt, and he knows this. That is all part of his gas lighting. He knows he doesn't have to do much. Amber has so many triggers, all he has to do is sit there and watch it all play out. 

Edited March 11, 2018 by GreatKazu

[eskimo]

What 'Bad-Ass-Boss-Bitch' Amber needs is to puff up on someone who won't hesitate to knock her block off.  Gary couldn't hit her because he's a guy and he'd get in big shit for it, she tried to get a hit in on Farrah knowing that security would stop it there ( although I wouldn't be too afraid of Farrah, pieces of her body would start coming off in a fight), and again security at MBC.  She won't know who else has studied (insert form of fighting here) until her ass is on the floor.  I would LOOOVE to see it, too.  I hate her more every time I see her. 

What I really, really want to see now is Amber's genuine reactions to what the other Boot Camper's say about her.  Especially that man-faced, huge-ass mob wife she admired.  Lmao.

[GreatKazu]

Watching Rennee reminds me of how much I miss Big Ang. 

Big Ang would have put Amber in her place. 

[toodywoody]

Big Ang would have told her to have 10000 seats. Then the previews of her saying Matt beat her. Yeah right. And how before she met him she didn't ct like that. Yeah Amber whatever.

[AmandaUnbidden]

Guys, I died and went straight to heaven when Matt opened his desk to all those worms and dirt. And when they asked him what he thought that meant, he says, "I'm slime?" Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner friends! 

Actually, it was pretty creepy how Matt had not a care in the world that everyone knows what slime he is. The man has no shame and never will. 

As for Amber, I don't know if I have the words to comment on her. Just too much of everything that makes Amber. . Amber. 

I did get a kick out of the Mob Wives' sisters not liking her at all after she and Matt fangirled over them. I bet Amber thought she would fit right in with them being the "boss ass bitch" that she is. It was funny for everyone on that show to see right through her and also give no shits about her. 

Oh and her face in the shot where she's standing up before the "class" and tilting her head to the side was completely psychotic and terrifying! Jesus! Get the girl her meds and maybe a strong sedative while we're at it. 

NewMatt, I can so see how you fell in love with her during this show. Good luck raising Matt's baby completely alone. I mean Amber might be there but she'll be on the couch drugged out of her mind or in her bed psychotically screaming at her "fans" via twitter. NewMatt, you get exactly what you deserve. Enjoy. 

Edited March 11, 2018 by AmandaUnbidden
Capatilization

[mamadrama]

For just a second there, I tried giving NuMatt the benefit of the doubt. There was one (ONE) talking head with Amber in which she looked "normal." She was soft-spoken, appeared apologetic, and was self-reflecting. I thought, you know, if that's all he saw then maybe, MAYBE I could see how he might be taken in by the act. But then I remembered that he actually started following her around the house-not to mention the fact that the other producers and staff would've been ragging on the "cast" in the breakroom. Nope, NuMatt gets no pass from me. He's as looney as the rest of them. 

I so want the Mob Wives women, all three of them, to rip Amber a new one. I am starting to actively hate her. 

I hate that I am feeling sympathy for Brandi. Ugh. 

Amber is never going to get people to see how awful Matt was by her acting like that. God, they'll actually start having sympathy for HIM if she doesn't get a grip. No wonder he's been able to play her so well. 

[toodywoody]

Oh but remember Gary was the devil when he brought up the other not 5 kids. How do those kids feel hearing him say he only has 5 kids? What a jerkoff. But Amber acting like she is someone and a tough bitch and just being all out ugly is the original recipe Amber we all know. So Matt was right when he said it was nothing new for her to be acting this way. Just like she turned on Gary, she turned on Matt and will turn on NuMatt once the baby gets her and she loses her previous sleep.  I am very frightened for this new kid.

[imjagain]

Ok, that was insane ! Amber is completely psycho.  When Renee and Brandi look at you and are "WTF?" That's beyond crazy. Amber is the most unlikable person even when she's being "nice" (lol) it's so fake.  

I've been watching Reality TV for many years. And while I've more vile people, Amber is the one the most delusional self involved person I've seen in a while.  I think it has alot to do with her being a teen when she started. Not that she wouldn't have been a beast of a person anyway  bUT the money and ass kissing  (producers, fans) took her a new level of assholness.

I agree with Brandi, I wouldn't want to live in a house with Amber. ( I can't stand Brandi ).

And if we all didn't need proof that nuMatt is trying to play Amber because wtf did he see in this pycho that he was like "mmm I need to get with that!" lol.

[DaisyMae2011]

I enjoy reading the Teen Mom forums here because you all are always spot on with your assessments.  After watching MBC on demand, I had to chime in.  If I didn't know it before, I know it now.. Amber is a complete psycho.  Going off like that because someone made a comment about reality TV?  Really?  I truly fear for that unborn child.  God forbid he is colicky like my first born was.  I'm a patient person (and not lazy like Amber), and a colicky baby tested my patience every single day.  And the fact that her new boyfriend will be there isn't very reassuring because how stable can he be if he observed all that carrying on, and still chose to start a relationship with her?

She thinks she's so gangster, but one of these days, when security isn't around, someone's going to give her what she deserves.  She's lucky Chrissy or Mama Jones didn't get to her.  I watch Love & Hip Hop, and they don't play!

[druzy]

Here are some of Amber's tweets during her time at MBC

 

[FairyDusted]

Big talk from such a windbag! Gah. I hate taking up for Brandi. 

[druzy]

Delete scene. Matt gets shut down

[GreatKazu]

15 minutes ago, druzy said:

Delete scene. Matt gets shut down

Burn!!!!!

Matt trying to claim most of his kids were adopted therefore, he could not claim them as his kids. What a prick. See your daddy deny you!

[hoosiermom]

Druzy: Thanks a million for posting her rediculous tweets. I have a twitter account but it’s over my head. Does she only acknowledge her positive tweets and then “delusion” out her negative ones? How can she watch this show and think her behavior is acceptable? So many questions, so little time.

[StatisticalOutlier]

17 hours ago, GreatKazu said:

Amber is an abuser. She has that hair-trigger anger and anyone can set that off, not just Matt, and he knows this.

That's true.  For example, he mentioned the weather as one of Amber's hair-triggers.

 

12 hours ago, AmandaUnbidden said:

Guys, I died and went straight to heaven when Matt opened his desk to all those worms and dirt. And when they asked him what he thought that meant, he says, "I'm slime?" Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner friends!

I guess those are like a Rorschach test.  Because I wondered what I would think if I had been the one to open that, and I thought, "A can of worms."  Slime never occurred to me.  Probably because I'm not Matt.

 

3 hours ago, DaisyMae2011 said:

If I didn't know it before, I know it now.. Amber is a complete psycho.  Going off like that because someone made a comment about reality TV?  Really?

Not only that, she was pissed because they were saying reality TV isn't real.  Has she not SEEN the multitudinous re-creations they do on Teen Mom, never mind actually doing the re-enacting?

In other news, I tuned in about 15 minutes in and didn't realize it was about families, and thought, "Wow.  Brandi's boyfriend is kind of old."

[methadonna]

13 hours ago, AmandaUnbidden said:

Guys, I died and went straight to heaven when Matt opened his desk to all those worms and dirt. And when they asked him what he thought that meant, he says, "I'm slime?" Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner friends! 

I was hoping for an acknowledgement (or, blame-throwing, depending on tone) of, “I have a whole lotta little climbers out there and I can’t possibly know where or how they’ve all turned up?”

 

I also would have accepted his faux-lovingly embracing one of the worms and admitting, “I had to cast a wide tweet-net, but my work paid off and I finally got one. [Looking menacingly lovingly at the worm he was contolling like putty in his hand/could squeeze to death at any moment, or it could slip away before he noticed, he adds,] Amber and I ARE soulmates and if you have to get a little dirty with de haterz, it don’t matter, cuz haterz gonna hate.”

 

[Amber’s mother adds something that is subtitled on TV but not obviously not in person while filming, so no one else in the room understands it, but it must be ... completely benign, as Amber begins throwing pencil cases and security rushes in before one opens and a newly sharpened pencil becomes a dangerous projectile toward Dr. V-is-for-value-added].

[WordsWordsWords]

I missed watching (or recording) this. So I just watched it on the WETV website. Wow. I always say I watch these shows (all the reality shows) for research. I know I'll get some good stuff for my writing this season because all of these folks are nuts. Some are sympathetic-more-or-less nuts (the mafia women -- and I remember Renee from her earlier season), some are delusional nuts (the Joneses) and some are angry-loony nuts (Amber and Brandi).

So far my least-favourite inmate is Amber. I've never watched Teen Mom, so I have no prior experience with her, but woof. She's both explosive and stupid. What a combination.

[FairyDusted]

Words! Save yourself! No really, Come on...You need to meet Amber! The girls a real peach.

[GreatKazu]

Amber burns calories when she is angry. It is the only time she is moving around and not lying on a couch.

Amber griping about her room was laughable. This is the same chick who lives in a filthy rental home with dog and cat shit and piss all over the place. Remember her apartment with dirty clothes all over and the cat litter boxes filled with feces? Leah's crib had a bunch of junk in it and the kitchen was a pig sty.

[FairyDusted]

And Gel .....THAT SHE CHOSE! Sure send me to Prison She says! WTF Cots and rats for all.

Edited March 12, 2018 by FairyDusted