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methadonna

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  1. methadonna

    S02.E12: Tell All

    I'm still in the last few minutes (when everyone is back in their rightful spots, with the women sitting on the couches and the men lording over them), but now having read about the BSODCU (that'd be the Black Screen of Conscious Uncoupling, since I suspect that, for all of her Evolved Goddess of Cultural Appropriation Woo, Ashley does most of her appropriating from Goop, so there'd be no D=Divorce), I think I just caught Ashley slip: after the host asks "If you guys, as Sister Wives [...]have any words of encouragement, advice, you know..." and Ashley (of course) jumps in and says, " Being someone who has..." and then seems to literally pull the word "been" back in her mouth before it fully escapes, turns backward to face Vanessa, who literally chuckles as Ashley overcorrects, emphatically, "IS in a relationship, a marriage, with someone..." Yeah, they was DUN. Erm, and I had actually finally been convinced that this was a real trio (still thought probably more polyamorous than polygamist, but she's so into her "take a pinch of this and a smidge of that, and a half-handful of that one other and blend in your limited-edition-color-for-an-extra $49.95 KitchenAid" multicultural enlightenment that I swing back and forth on that, as I also can buy that she read an article on polygamy in other countries in National Geographic, a few years before the one on Bindis, and decided it would be "cool"), but that seemed like a major slip that all three of them realized but, without the later context, no one else did, and that, if they really were legit, it was long over before the Tell-All was filmed. In which case, I now wanna go re-watch the part where Vanessa cries 'cause people thought she was there for the Fifteen, and see if I think those tears are because she is hurt that it's over or because she realizes that, just as she's maybe finally convinced everyone she loves (and the audience she wants to love her) she's not a lying famewhore, it's all gonna bounce back ten-fold. Maybe the next three minutes will make me change my mind again, but right now, I'm thinking that these three realized that the other families had such insanity that was actually coming out here, they finally had their chance to look like the sane, grounded ones, and they were gonna finally become the darlings of the show they'd expected to be but weren't accepted as. And it almost worked on me, fuckers. I feel like someone poured rubbing alcohol down my face to erase my Sharpie third eye. At least Jennifer has meth as an excuse (and Brandi had already foreshadowed The Bad Brandi that literally took over her face in the moments before she started pouring her gasoline). What's their deal? The Snowjobs actually finally had me for one hour and 56 minutes before re-outing themselves as the cons/grifters/I don't even know what 'cause they've played me well enough that I still can't determine their end game.
  2. methadonna

    S38.E07: There’s Always a Twist

    So, I keep reading that people's reaction after seeing this episode was, "There's an Aurora?" Not me. I started reading the thread and, after enough references, thought, "There's an Aurora?" I STILL don't recall one being on this cast. I recently discovered there was a Disney princess named Aurora and had that reaction; I still haven't figured out who she is or what she's from. Shit, next you're gonna tell me there's a Roman goddess named Aurora. Or the geomagnetic disturbance of something in the polar something making pretty lights in nature something called Aurora [Something]. Either I'm not paying enough attention or I'm being totally punked. Speaking of (maybe not paying enough attn, maybe getting played): I apologize if someone brought this up and I missed it, but I keep seeing people commenting on how the EoI peeps are on the jury. I'm probably wrong because trying to apply logic, rhyme, or reason to how any of this will play out is as useful as trying to apply strategy to a game that you think is 3-D Chess while Jeff keeps adding elements if Candyland, BUT: I never thought the current EoI members were there to serve as traditional/permanent jury members. Given that any of them still can re-enter the game, I thought they were there more of observers: pre-merge, the tribe(s) that don't go to council aren't privy to what occurs at it, so it was equitable that the EoI members weren't, either. (Plus, their existence was a secret, natch, but, especially given Jeff's highlighting to those still actively playing that the EoI members had had it just as tough--which is true on some levels, wrt "surviving," though arguable wrt mental toll, although I'm not sure at least the initial stage of EoI was necessarily easier, it was definitely different--I'm sure he'd argue their missing the ongoings at Tribal was simply an equalizer to not being on the losing tribe). Now that they've merged, everyone actively playing is present for the discourse--true or bullshit-- that occurs. As one of the EoI residents may still return to the game, they've missed all of the actions and dynamics between tribals, but this gives them an equal awareness of tribals, at least. And, probably more importantly, as whoever returns is still likely to ultimately get [re]voted out and end up on the "real" jury (which I'm forgetting when, post-merge, usually starts, but anyone who gets back in now and then out again would be on it) are on similar footing, information-wise, as any jury member who (in a less dumb season) spends their days at Ponderosa and just gets boated in to watch the tribals from after the merge until the FTC. I'm actually now considering that *I'm* the one who read this wrong, and those three really will stay on the jury (assuming, and I am, they don't get back in the game) ... and, I'm not sure I mind it. If the other two hadn't dropped, maybe I'd feel differently, but it's only an extra three* at this point, and they certainly are more actively in the game than if they were spending the rest of their time chilling at Ponderosa: perhaps someone else voted out after this will elect not to to EoI it, and they WON'T be on the jury. It's not that I'm suddenly digging EoI, but, as it's there, it doesn't seem wrong to me that getting to be on the jury could serve as the basic reward for a Reem who, despite being voted out first, IS (presumably, if she doesn't raise the sail) engaging for all 39 days, in some ways, a greater challenge than actively playing and getting voted out as the first juror in seasons past. And, yes, I realize I just essentially argued one side and then flipped and went with the other, but that was my literal thought process: I hadn't even considered that they were really the jury and was surprised everyone else seemed to, but as I wrote out why, I considered that maybe they WERE, AND, to my surprise, within the context if the EoI rules, I wasn't opposed. *OT, but the editing/storytelling of the other two's leaving EoI was SO terrible: I eventually remembered that hoisting the sail meant surrender, but I hadn't initially, and, aesthetically and symbolically, it was much closer to a new/merge tribe creating and raising their flag that, coupled with the initial visuals of the two joyfully raising it while the three staying stood, crying ambiguously in the background, suggested a celebratory moment of "We're still in this game, and we're here together," and it was only when I caught the actual emotion in Aubrey's tearful face that I remembered the whole flag deal and realized the two were out. Bad editing, bad story-telling, but bad choice of symbols to begin with. Maybe I'm just dumb, but a raised tattered, dirty white, nameless sail makes far more sense to me as the EoI parallel of the raised Tribal flag--solid, colored, named--than the signal to leave.
  3. methadonna

    S08.E13: Doomed or Devoted

    From your title, I totally thought you wanted a show where two strangers are required to start having sex at first meeting and regularly for eight weeks, and then decide if they should continue doing each other or get back on Tinder. Then I finished reading and realized you wanted a monogamous version of The Bachelor, and I felt like a dirty old lady 🙂
  4. methadonna

    S08.E13: Doomed or Devoted

    Thanks, @aphroditewitch, for the info on the pre-nup: I didn't know if that was something that required the presence of both members together for signing for it to be legal, so I was just trying to think of mitigating factors as to why choosing to file for divorce even a week after DECISION DAY rather than while still part of production would make sense (if it's not 100% obvious that that's the best choice). Not that I wouldn't prefer the transparency if that's the intent--I don't want people who know it's a sure thing to pretend they're staying together because...reasons): I just don't get why a couple like Kristine and (uhhhh whatever her guy's name is)*, who maybe aren't certain but have at least the potential to create a real marriage, would even question staying together THEN and seeing how things go when the cameras--which seem to be universally seen as adding another layer of stress and exhaustion to an already surreal situation--go away. I guess I was unclear in my mentioning annulment: I wasn't questioning why it wasn't an option, just noting that the "annulment won't be an option; they will have to divorce" would be the tipping point for alcohol poisoning if part of the MAFS drinking game, yet the reasons (besides Good TV) for its mattering whether they chose to get divorced at D-Day vs a month later were never (to my recollection) mentioned, leading to my uninformed spitballing that perhaps choosing it while still part of the show might simplify the process. I wasn't questioning whether or why annulment wasn't an option: rather, I was mocking how overtly clear they've made that, while overwhelmingly being oblique about the production-pushed "final" choice. Sorry that I didn't make that clear, and sorry if this isn't any better *I actually think the Kristine uncertainty is all editing or production-driven: I don't know that they'll last long-term, but I'll be shocked if there's any uncertainty besides produced suspense in their choosing to stay married on D-Day. AJ and Stephanie are probably a better example, where I am doubtful that they will still be married a year from now but (unless AJ is even more off-putting off-screen), I can't see why Steph wouldn't want to try even a few weeks after the cameras are gone to see if he acts better or worse, as I, at least, can't figure out how much of his OTT behavior in either direction is really who he is (in which case, RUN!), or if Super Hyper Happy Annoying AJ is more a manifestation of overcompensating for his anxiety about both the unknowns/weirdness of the situation (especially at the beginning)--I think nearly all of us have seen someone we know suddenly acting overly effusive to the point of second-hand embarrassment (or even finding ourselves doing it and simultaneously being aware of it yet feeling unable to act "normal") to compensate for their discomfiture with the situation, as opposed to shutting down (less awkward and painful to watch but sometimes--like in a very social situation, where you need to try to connect with people: bad enough in a party with strangers, let alone strangers who are now your wife and everyone who is her "side"--seemingly more detrimental than trying to be too friendly <-- maybe not and I'm just projecting my extremely introverted self here? I think AJ is an extreme example of this, but his annoying faux life o' the party persona seems greatly amplified in each situation that requires adjusting to a new and usually large group of people (except when he goes the opposite way...), and he usually seems to calm down over the course of it, and, similarly, if his extreme swing freakouts are the flip side of this, which COULD lessen when the stress of filming and goes away... I mean, I don't know if I could have stood seven weeks with the dude, but 1) I'd actually be put off more by Shiny Happy People AJ, which Stephanie either isn't or has done a great job pretending she isn't, and, 2) if Stephanie really does like him even in those times as much as she presents, plus she's certainly seen there IS a more normal, modulated version of him that she enjoys, I don't think she's wrong for being concerned about his other extreme of reaction to stress--I think it shows that she's one of the most sensible and healthy people ever on this show, and maybe she'll be able to get through to Kate--she seems to like enough about him that I'd think it would be worth seeing if his behavior stabilizes more once they're out of that fishbowl. She seems to have a good enough head on her shoulders that I don't think she'd have an issue walking away if it doesn't, and his more negative reactions don't seem harmful to her to where, even though he ain't my cup of tea, I don't think another few weeks of him, even if he continues as he has, would be detrimental to her (unlike every extra minute Luke spends with her seems to diminish Kate even more). Sorry, I know that was crazy long-winded, but that's really what I had in mind with "Why wouldn't a couple (who doesn't hate each other or are toxic and unhealthy) at least see if post-camera life changes things for the better or clarifies that, yeah, buh-bye?" I know this is all for the show, and that's the Occam's Razor answer, but if The Experts/production would get over the idea that the audience wants to see the happily ever after ending, despite the fact that everyone knows 90% of the "yes"es become "no"s within a year, the best solution I can think of that still gives them their desired "Do you want to stay married?" [new expert] "Orrrrr, do you Want To Get A Divorce?" "resolution" episode would be for them to have a few weeks after filming ends to stay together (if they want; for the hopeless, they could escape immediately and it wouldn't matter to the viewers) and THEN come back and have their damn D-Day filming: it obviously wouldn't be any more a forever decision than it is now, but it would give a more realistic conclusion than having people who DO want to at least give it a go post-documentation and then determine it's a no go say yes at D-Day only to announce at the reunion or tabloids they're out. #Savekate
  5. methadonna

    S08.E13: Doomed or Devoted

    Unless deciding to divorce at D-Day (vs a week or four months later) has financial and/or practical benefits for the participants (like the production provides the lawyers or other help navigating the process, and covers it financially, or that it's most likely a simpler process as, at this point, they don't really have shared assets and it is a simpler process than once the couple moves out of their provided housing and truly has to integrate what they brought to the marriage, which--not a lawyer--but I think inherently complicates things in most states: interesting that, for all the talk of "no anulment," there's never been a mention of a prenuptial, or--if that's not possible legally since they can't meet and agree to it--a postnuptial agreement), I don't GET the point of D-Day. Unless you're in a situation like Kate and Luke's (where it's not even a question that there is NO reason to spend another day together, which, sadly, I'm not sure Kate is in a place to see yet), why the hell WOULDN'T you decide to stay together if you at least tolerate each other, even still seeing it as a trial run, but to give it a few weeks to see if things differ once the artificiality and apparently extreme stress of "the documentation process" is gone? They might be accurate in the (say it with me) "Annulment isn't an option; they will have to get a divorce" mantra, but it's not like they're choosing between "decide to divorce today" and "decide you will stay married forever; you can never ever separate if you don't do it now." I realize there needs to be a climax and resolution to the series, but it's just so patently absurd to pretend it actually matters if they claim divorce that day or the next. Unless, again, contrary to the speculation that there's financial incentive to say yes, not choosing divorce That Sole Day makes a likely divorce in even the near future seem more risky and difficult to navigate. That said, if Kate doesn't flee on D-Day, the moment her contractual obligations end, I am truly worried for her. I know a lot of people have lost patience with her, and I get it--it's hard to watch someone in an unhealthy situation they can change by leaving but don't--but everything we know about abused partners makes it completely understandable to me, and I fear it's going to take her a long time and several aborted attempts to leave. Seeing just the physical difference in her affect and appearance in general from the wedding day to less than two months later is striking and heartbreaking. She herself has said he's "broken" her, and while I think you can often see that impact, physically, when someone has spent a long time in an unhealthy relationship, seeing that manifest to such an extreme in a mere seven weeks is horrifying, and adding in the consideration that Like has made it quite clear that he wants them to maintain a happy facade while filming, and she appears to care enough about her appearance (not negatively) that I have to believe she IS presenting herself more positively than she might feel up to were she not on camera (like, take-to-her-bed, don't shower or do her hair and make-up level of depression), I think that the shift in her disposition at what is probably the BEST she can make herself appear, is heartbreaking and alarming. I really hope (but completely lack faith) that at least one of those "experts" will actually follow their ethical requirements as professionals (and simply human beings, supposedly) and try to get her whatever help she needs to see that the failure would be saving her marriage in exchange for losing herself, rather than pushing for a bullshit happy ending for what they think makes better TV and likely entrenches her further in this rabbit hole.
  6. methadonna

    Season 10 Live Chat Thread

    I can’t decide who’s dumber, the realtor for painting a far more disturbing scenario than the not-good-but-not-like-her-description, on a piece of land she’s trying to sell to this family, who need five spouses to remember two things, or Christine, who not only couldn’t parse the reality of there are rodents that may carry plague, but didn’t quite seem to know what the plague was, with her “they carry some kind of plague or something.” I don’t think that was speech with a lot of filler, that was “These confusing animal with some sciencey thing and i don’t know what it is, but, i guess it’s some evil science-i’d-hard thing that the prairie dogs gave to the dirt, and now if the prince or princess or even one of my kids that only has to get through three years of living in this infested kickball field, THE ANGELS SING HERE. Now it it makes sense: they’re plagued-infested angels. Because i think that land looked like a busted out spot deep in the woods that transients would create tent cities on ‘cause it’s clear and flat and no one would be interested in seeing it. Cottonwood seems far less realistic to build on, but at least the land is pretty. I don’t know shit about real estate, but i’m embarrassed for this realtor, who probably dealt with these fuckwits for free in exchange for the advertising, but if i needed an agent in Flagstaff and literally had to choose solely from a random listing of local names, I would pick anyone with a name that wasn’t her to avoid her. She seems THAT BAD. I mean, if she got one family to buy the same amount as what would have been four separate clients, AND land she just told them has the plague, even though they don’t know if that’s.... quite how it works, but now it ‘s how they do. about the land. they’re choosing. And singing angels or someshit., then I guess she must be brilliant. But it must be a water-rising-to-its-own-infested-water thing, so idiot realtor is perfect for idiot Browns, but she seems like she couldn’t be more off-putting for any potential clients watching. (I am also stunned by Tony’s ... everything, even though that bar didn’t seem high enough for him to be under. But what kind of moron who’s NOT moving there, BOT EVEN an adult kid of the parents moving there, REALLY needs to give his highly negative opinion that goes against the majority who at least were ok+ with it? There’s a difference between saying, “Bot the my opinion counts, but, for the record, i think this place is gorgeous and I think it’ll be such a great fit for you guys and thinking you’re on the anti- side of middle school debate class? (Nevermind they don’t care how their own teens who will be taken from their established-against-all-odds HS lives to spend 2-3 years there (one on the property if they’re lucky)... why do they care if some schlub their adult-out-of-the-home-and-area child married thinks? Are they gonna ask people wherever Robin is getting Kody his arsenic-laced food what they think? Hell, they’d actually be more relevant than Tony, as they know the area and could be their neighbors. SHUT UP TONY. Shut up, you phony. Shut up realtor, you dummy of the year. Shut up Robin, and Kody, and seven car drives; shut up First, Second, and Third not-legal wives. Shut up, bs plot line we’ve always known now would be here Shut up, Plague Angels who sing in my ear.
  7. methadonna

    Season 10 Live Chat Thread

    Dying. I’m behind and just started reading this while I started watching (listening to) the episode. And as I read “Hey, wonderful man,” I heard it. After realizing I was not suffering from Synesthesister Wife, I realized I was reading dialogue AS it was playing. It was kinda freaky. (But if I wanted to be on Seeking Sister Wife, I could be sure God was speaking to me directly to tell me that I should be Living Plural Marriage).
  8. methadonna

    All Episodes Talk: Let's Talk About Dr. Phil, The Show

    Aww, thanks, @parrotfeathers and @Gam2! I know I tend to go way too tl;dr, so I delete most of the posts I write, because I’m afraid they’re ... too much. It may be pathetic to admit—and I’m being totally earnest here and not thirst-trapping (did I use that right? Again, Old... ;-) <—— Like dat. I am physically incapable of using emojis*, and truth in advertising limits my use of LOL to when I literally am, but take me back to 1993 and I’m cool with a well-placed emoticon—but that made my day. (So much, apparently, that it took another two to get around to remembering to finish posting). But, legit. *Not true: I am now capable of using them, after my 69-year-old mother showed me they were right there on the keyboard. Last month. I couldn’t figure out how someone thinks that my being able to forward a message makes me like some giant of industry had figured out how to search, download and embed images of a million yellow smiley faces and a pile of poop, when she can’t understand that Safari and Firefox can bring you to the same place; I’m not sure if I’m more or less impressed by the reality, but I’d prefer she wiped the knowledge from her brain (and its abilities from shitting all over her texts) and used that place to store the memory that Google isn’t a separate program she needs to close Firefox to open because “that’s where [her] email is.” Sigh. Also, I humbly apologize for not using his proper honorarium before and just calling him Mike instead of Coach Mike. I got confused because I thought I was watching an infomercial talk show, not playing football. But I guess if Phil can call himself Doctor Phil, Mike can call himself Coach Mike. Btw, from now on, I shall only be addressed as HRH Queen Methadonna. Maybe Coach Mike offers life-coaching in being concise? I know I’d probably have to pay for all the LC I - LC XII first, but eventually I’d Go Clear and Concise and then I could walk through walls and write something short enough to tweet and be on Dr. Phil (As Her Royal Queen Methadonna, natch, ‘cause ... I say so, but only in one of the episodes where everyone gets bad wigs and facial hair to fake identities to go along with the fake story. But I’ll be coached to stay in my chair) and all sorts of sobperpowers. Also, watching the show today two days ago (besides learning that making someone with severe anxiety don a blindfold in a room filled with strangers is therapeutic ... even if just watching it made me so anxious I fell off the bed and developed a fully-breathed stutter ‘cause that’s what I thought it sounds like when someone gasping for air tries to talk. Which I couldn’t even cure ‘cause I don’t know what else has tryptophan besides turkey and I don’t eat meat. Hopefully caramel Frappuccinos are chock full of it, though. I did learn from Phil that anxiety comes from the inverse of what causes depression. Which made total sense for how often they’re diagnosed together. At least I could rely on my rule that Phil is chock full of [insert proper emoji here]), I noticed that I had gotten the pocast title That Mysonjay Came Up With wrong: the brackets surround “blanks”, not “Phil.” Still dumber than fuck and Robin, but it opens up another realm of possibilities if I take it literally and assume those brackets are denoting that another word or phrase has been replaced by “blanks...”. Phil in the Skin Poistion Lab, Phil in the Doghouse, Phil in the Gutter, Phil in the Can Making an Emoji, Phil in the Beverlyhillbillies McMansion Christmas Wonderland that Robin Made ALL BY HERSELF When She Wasn’t Testifying on Capitol Hill** That Abuse of Women is Bad or Being An Advocate for The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Foster System To Which Her Husband Is Maybe a Mandated Reporter ... [you get the point. Vaguely Applicable Punctuation and Italicized Emphasis]. **Does anyone else picture this oft-reported claim literally, with Robs standing outside on the publicly accessible green part—Anthony there to Have Her Back, like, actually psupporting it so the greater weight of her head doesn’t make her fall over like some guy who romances women on mywifebedead.com and The People of Walmart’s Huntin Socks Aisle—ranting (in that Keepin’ Sweetly Ranting kinda way) at interns just tryin’ to get to their Congressional Rep’s office or wherever the ones who aren’t being sexually exploited go to do actual policy or coffee-schlepping work and not sex work, like the Operation Rescue or Independent Church of Me crazies would on my college campus, trying to get anyone to listen to how When West Virginia Smiled is a logical name for an organization to create awareness of the needs of battered women or look at her graphic ‘shopped posters of the atrocities seen in Agatha Hannigan’s Home for Girls and other accurate representations of foster care? Just me? Fine: phil in the blanks of your imagination, bitches. And then decorate it with top-shelf Christmas tinsel and plump it up with OMG Is That Beautifully Pre-Wrapped Botox for Me?
  9. methadonna

    S07.E04: Justin's Story LIVE CHAT

    No go if no one to move wit? Check Surgery on hold if no progress? ________
  10. methadonna

    S07.E04: Justin's Story LIVE CHAT

    Well, look at that. It was. Keep dropping those 600-LB anvils, show.
  11. methadonna

    S07.E04: Justin's Story LIVE CHAT

    He went home and started exercising?! At a gym, not by walker by to the stoop? AND was only negative insofar as being anxious about being anxious, not because They’re All Gonna Laugh At Me?! Is this Ny 600 LB Bizzaroworld? But all the focus on “you need to move to Houston and don’t forget you need someone to move with you” makes me think there’s gonna be a...big...problem.
  12. methadonna

    S07.E04: Justin's Story LIVE CHAT

    I think something has gone very wrong when I look at this guy and think,”He doesn’t look so bad...” Also, how do some of these people stay on their stomachs and prop themselves up on their arms? Granted, it’s mostly disability-related, but even if I didn’t have a jacked up neck, shoulders,everything, I dont think I could do that for more than a minute—I spend most of my time in bed, too, (albeit only in about a fifth of it: if I am overhanging the edge, it’s because my cat thinks she gets the other 80%, not because I am surpassing the bed in a body::bed surface area race), but I’ve never once thought to prop myself up prone to eat or bead bracelets—and I’m about 100 lbs. Maybe it’s the lack of counterweight (a ridiculous percentage of that weight is in my...chest). Maybe a matching set of butt-wings would provide the anchor to make such a position possible. Maybe nother 500 lbs could open up a whole new range of possibilities
  13. methadonna

    All Episodes Talk: Let's Talk About Dr. Phil, The Show

    Iirc, Mike first showed up (on Dr. Phil) in an episode where they were celebrating and discussing Demi Lovato’s seven (?) years of sobriety. This was obviously a while ago! Mike had allegedly played a large role in Demi’s getting sober, and she now (then) co-owned CAST center(s?) with him. They spent some time focusing on Demi “working” at CAST, which seemed to mean giving a rare concert and chat. I forget what CAST stands for, but it *wasnt* directly related to show biz as I’d thought, even though everyone there seemed to be an aspiring mactor type and I was sure that’s whom he was targeting, which made the acronym seem really disingenuous to me. Add in that his famous rich former protege pupil was now his co-owner, and the whole thing just seemed hella shady to me. It made me think of how Scientology uses auditions for their promo reels to suck in new members by taking the just-got-to-LA-yesterday-for-pilot-season types and love-bombing them with the combo of dangling the “first big break” and allure of the connections they’ll make by joining them. (Note, none of this was even remotely confirmed as being the case for CAST; it was just my gut response to it). I don’t remember seeing Mike again since that episode... cut to Demi’s falling off the wagon and Mike thus obviously losing his great success story (I haven’t checked on what happened to their collaboration, business-wise, as a result, but he obviously lost the face of the brand that he was using to gain star-power credibility). At the time of their appearance, I just felt like he was exploiting her and was going to use her coattails to ride to greater success. Now, within months of his losing that cred and ambassador, he’s suddenly showing up on Dr. Phil more often than Phil was on Oprah. I can’t figure out exactly what the deal here is, but something seems hella fishy. I don’t know where in this timeline Mysonjay decided to punish publish Mike’s book (a total typo, but it was too fitting to deny others the opportunity to appreciate my brilliant stupidity), but if it was after that initial appearance but before Demi lost her poster-child for You Can Turn Shit Around And Maintain It status, maybe they were counting on using that connection and appearance to pimp out the book, and, once that was gone, Phil and Pham thought they not only had lost that insta-cred but that now it was a liability. Cue: remake Mike into a recognized figure in his own right by shoving him down our throats with no mention of his original appearance with Demi (it seemed like they didn’t even mention CAST for his first few appearances, and I’ve only noticed it the one time (I think with a talentless guy who wanted to be a rock star, adding to my theory that Mike preys upon wanna-be stars. But I could have made that up; there’s a finite number of variations to create an episode these days), hope everyone forgot he was That Guy Who Got Demi Lovato Sober And Together (for awhile), and construct Mike into a recognized expert in his own right, and then sell his book with the baggage erased and history rewritten. Or maybe it’s an Illuminati thing; that’s just my first thought. Or maybe The Bible Locator of IHaveSevenKids just ran out of misogynistic platitudes and Phil needed some fresh meat (Dr. Plastic Brain is proving to be his (and Robbin’s) own best/worst counter-proof, seemingly aging at Progeria-esque levels; dude ain’t gonna be around forever). To be fair, I DID think Mike did a great job with that My Beautiful Daughter Is A Hideous Terror type that I think was his first [re]appearance on the show, but now he’s been relegated to airtime filler like the other co-host-helpers that Phil cycles through semi-annually because he’s too tired to ... phil* in the 25 minutes he has before Robbin’ can come on to be a Natural Skincare Expert/Battered Women Advocate/Someone Who Does a Lot of Work With The Foster Care System. Plus, I may question his sincerity with his wannabe-Hollywood status, but, afaik, Mike’s never been on an episode of Real Housewives, which automatically grants him more authority than Eleventy-Board-Certified Doctor Charles Sophy Of The Largest CPS Org In The Country (ya know, that system that Highly Involved With Phil and Robbin’ are always shading in their contradictory humblebrags). While I’m at it: the sole bit of respect I had for them was rooted in their seeming to use their platform and riches to make a concrete difference in some important causes. And, while I don’t think the extremely rich are obligated to live like paupers to be effective philanthropists, and I really can’t begrudge people who seemed to grow up with so little and then develop such great wealth wanting to live well, even unnecessarily extravagantly, I will never be able to reconcile that earnest plea to (lower-income) viewers to donate to the There’s No Free Breakfast/Lunch Program When School’s Out organization with that repulsive display of (temporary and disposable) Christmas Decor Excess That Robbin’ Did All By Herself. Bitch,live well, but don’t be telling me how little it takes [from my very fixed incone] to feed a hungry child, when you could have still had a luxe and stunning but not repulsively excessive Christmas decor AND funded all them meals yourself with what you spent on the rest of your holiday vomit. I never celebrated Christmas, so the notion of spending more than the cost of a box of Chanukah candles, let alone putting in the time to do it (and undo it) to “celebrate” the holidays is a pretty foreign thing to me and I admittedly just can’t relate to prioritizing it, but I can appreciate the beauty of an elegant Christmas display, but don’t show me such a disgustingly over the top set-up and then tell me how easily I can help financially support my fellow Poors. Surely there’s a better balance they can find between enjoying the luxury of their enormous wealth and encouraging your viewers to joining you in supporting a good cause. And it starts with a combination of scaling back that shit about 90%, leaving you with a stlll-extravagant display, and not making more money off your viewers by spending a sizeable portion of an episode airing a segment with not even a purported reason but to demonstrate your privilege. Save for repeating such a showing but done in an empty Scientology building, or maybe a tour of Candy Spelling’s home, I can’t think of a more repulsive ten minutes of TV (and I watched Dr. Pimple Popper, My 600-lb Life, AND Botched this week). *yeah, I know, but it at least makes more sense than [Phil] in the Blanks Which Mysonjay Came Up With. The standards are obviously low.
  14. Are we gonna call this wrestling chick by all eleventy first names every time? (Behind, obvs)
  15. I wonder how many WON’T be?! (Although, I have to say, I can’t remember what decade I last noticed Joey Lawerence, but he looks de-‘roided from how I remember him). While I’m under no delusion of Ryan Lochte’s being a secret genius, I think he’s figured out that sounding like a moron is part of his image, and he’s embraced it full on. The alternative wrt “cupcakes” is too depressing to contemplate.
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