S04.E06: For Richer Or Poorer

[Evil Queen]

38 minutes ago, krbr51 said:

I am so glad someone else noticed that too!  He makes 60K, lives on a bus and has A LOT of debt???  WTF?  For me that's a total red flag.  Maybe it's for his business?   

35 minutes ago, Lola16 said:

Didn't he say that "last" year he made 60K?  Not as in that he makes that much every year.  Which really isn't that much.  He had to buy the bus, update it (that had to cost at least $20), pay trailer park rental fees, other bills, surfing stuff, going out, etc. Does he have a car? Does he ride a bike? Uber? Doubt he drives his bus all over though he did say he takes it out for road trips.

 I must had missed him saying he had a lot of debt. I heard him say the part about making around 60K last year and the year before almost 70K or something like that. I get the feeling that his job is pretty similar to construction and how the jobs come so the pay will vary for those not under a steady company.  And agree its not a lot that he makes but yet my friend's husband is a mailman and makes less. He has had that job for over 20 yrs now too. I wouldn't be surprised if he had some sort of little old truck or car that would do ok with holding his boards to get to the beach. If its not in walking distance. I know I really like having certain places within walking distance myself (have 2 grocery stores, big lots, a couple fast food places, gas stations, post office, Home Depot, etc) all within 5 mins walking. I live in a beach city on the west coast so you see many ride bikes or walk depending on where they are from things. As for the debt though, why do they pick those with so much debt? I don't remember the past seasons the couple discussing their debt like this or the exact amount of money they earned in their jobs. You could tell Sonia wasn't comfortable with it. Heck most people aren't. Its not just something you just start talking about like that. Especially debt. 

[magemaud]

Did Lillian really say the bus was "beautiful" and everything was "high-end?" All I saw was plywood, a bathroom that looked like it was at a camp but oh yes, a DISHWASHER! Did I miss something? 

[humbleopinion]

Guessing Tom did his best work between the sheets the night and/or morning before the unveiling of the bus to put her in a good mood.

She had her "love goggles" firmly in place when ohhing and ahhing about his "home."

[LennieBriscoe]

Jack Sampson, I think your last "Lily" you meant as "Sonia."

What does "five pounds IN her neck" mean, re: Lily (emphasis mine)? "In her throat"? "Around her neck"? 

[Jack Sampson]

7 minutes ago, LennieBriscoe said:

Jack Sampson, I think your last "Lily" you meant as "Sonia."

What does "five pounds IN her neck" mean, re: Lily (emphasis mine)? "In her throat"? "Around her neck"? 

You're right, I meant Sonia.

"In" means around in this context.  She has a lot of extra fat around her neck.

[Evil Queen]

8 minutes ago, humbleopinion said:

Guessing Tom did his best work between the sheets the night and/or morning before the unveiling of the bus to put her in a good mood.

She had her "love goggles" firmly in place when ohhing and ahhing about his "home."

Well she did say in her TH she was trying to have an open mind on it. Maybe she just should have dialed it down A LOT though on what she was saying on it. I bet she realized that too after being in the shower with the lights and heat in the water out. 

[Paddywagon]

8 hours ago, okerry said:

OK, without reading the other posts yet: When it comes to Derek and Heather, there's more amiss than just smoking (no matter what he's smoking.)

My theory: Alcohol was probably a factor, but I think these two made some attempt at "consummating their marriage" either on the wedding night or on the next one. Somehow it didn't go well - he did and/or said something that really, really turned her off - and that was the end of that.

This kind of real hate doesn't come from just being bugged by somebody's smoking. That's just a smoke screen (ha) for the real problem, which is almost certainly sexual.

Yes, I know Ashley hated David, too, and Heather wasn't exactly drawn to Derek when she first saw him - but D&H weren't that bad right at first. Something Happened while they were in bed and it was bad enough so that she's not even willing to pretend any longer. Even Ashley made an attempt at staying on the show, as poor as that attempt was. This seems very different.

If this is just a fake setup for D&H to do some kind of turnaround and live happily ever after, then more power to ya, Show; but I'm betting that something went wrong in bed here and we're just not hearing about it.

That would explain why we're arguing about it endlessly here, because nothing about this makes sense. It's not smoking. It's something way more than that.

Yeah, I bet she saw his poker and said, "That's IT?????!!   I'm outta here."

[Passthepopcorn]

20 hours ago, Racj82 said:

Scared of dogs my ass. I'm scared of dogs. I wouldn't have set foot in that house. I don't want any animals around me ever. I'm good with that. Animals lovers can keep their animals. If I even see a dog in someones picture on a dating site, that's a hard pass. Or any animal for that matter. How was this not dealt with during the match up process? He had to have talked about his dogs since he loves them so damn much. Was she not asked about pets or did she never say anything? It's weird if she didn't because she's so "scared" of them.

I noticed that too. She is uncomfortable, annoyed, disturbed by dogs but if you are truly phobic, there's no way you can sit, walk, sleep close to one. I think what happened is that that image of the St Bernard scratching the little girl got stuck in her head as a child and since then she swore off dogs. She seems unfamiliar with dogs mostly and showing the same level of anxiety we've seen in other occations . It doesn't make much sense. 

Edited September 1, 2016 by Passthepopcorn

[Snewtsie]

1 hour ago, SaucyMommy said:

Lily and Tom: I think she would go along with anything at this point. I don't know why Tom wants a post-nuptial agreement. That just seems so weird to me. If I were to compare these two side by side - my guess is Lily is brining more to the table. And if he wants it in writing that no one gets the bus but him in the divorce - I don't think that would be an issue. I see these two starting to fizzle mid-season. This just doesn't seem like a good fit to me at all. He seems like a hiking/surfing type - and she always has make up on and is always dressed really well - it just seems like they live in different worlds.

Ha! And now we know why she was so agreeable about the post-nup  --> SHE wants it in writing that the she will not get the freakin' bus.

[Tara Ariano]

In case you missed it, here's the Previously.TV post on the episode!

How Can Anyone Say 'I Take Marriage Seriously' When He Works On Married At First Sight?

And more not-quite-burning questions sparked by 'For Richer Or Poorer'!

[Nowhere]

2 hours ago, Jack Sampson said:

Does a barely remembered, booze filled one night stand count?

I wonder if they should include an expert with some experience in arranged marriages.  And have them pre-rate (1-10) the potential matches beforehand like the AU version does.  

Is it too early for this year's ratings?  Ladies, how would you rate the men?  1-10 for face, body and personality.

Here's how I would rate them:

Nick is 6.5 in the face department. I just can't go with 7 because he looks like a mouse however I would have no problem dating him. Body is at an 8. Personality was an 8 when I thought he was reserved and well-mannered, but after seeing the screenshots of the Facebook posts I now realize that he's one of those know-it-all types that nobody wants to hang out with. He obviously thinks he's smarter than other people so his personality drops to a 3.

Derek face: 4; body: disgusting; personality: 6 when he's not whining but no, he thinks he's a rapper and that would embarrass me. I'll pretend I don't know that and stick with 6. 

Tom face: 4; body: haven't seen or possibly chose to block it out. Probably not good enough to overlook the fact that his personality is a 1. 

59 minutes ago, Jack Sampson said:

You're right, I meant Sonia.

"In" means around in this context.  She has a lot of extra fat around her neck.

She looks like her neck got breast implants. 

[Passthepopcorn]

12 hours ago, operalover said:

The reason Heather is not calling it quits now is because there must be something in the contract that she gives up a great deal of money if she doesn't stick it out until the end. THIS is the dilemma she is facing. She cannot stand him but doesn't want to give up the $$$ but she is going to have to work really hard for it. Of course she would have said YES I'm done NOW. But the money is hanging over her head.

But why not tell Derek in private that she is completely done and there's no hope?  She can't say it on camera it seems, but she can let him know so they can be on the same page. We are here to fulfill the contract we signed and we will put a face for the camera, act as civil as we can and then we move on with our lives.

I don't think he ever heard this otherwise he wouldn't be saying he is willing to work on the relationship and that he is not ready to quit.

She has every right to not like him, no one can control that, but don't keep him hanging hoping he gets the message. Just call it quits. Because her doubt and silence is not because she is considering they could have a chance, I don't think. That's pretty clear.

I don't know if they get paid for the show, but I have a feeling there must be a penalty if they don't stay the 6 weeks. Otherwise, why stay?

Edited September 1, 2016 by Passthepopcorn

[Jack Sampson]

11 minutes ago, Nowhere said:

Here's how I would rate them:

Nick is 6.5 in the face department. I just can't go with 7 because he looks like a mouse however I would have no problem dating him. Body is at an 8. Personality was an 8 when I thought he was reserved and well-mannered, but after seeing the screenshots of the Facebook posts I now realize that he's one of those know-it-all types that nobody wants to hang out with. He obviously thinks he's smarter than other people so his personality drops to a 3.

Derek face: 4; body: disgusting; personality: 6 when he's not whining but no, he thinks he's a rapper and that would embarrass me. I'll pretend I don't know that and stick with 6. 

Tom face: 4; body: haven't seen or possibly chose to block it out. Probably not good enough to overlook the fact that his personality is a 1. 

She looks like her neck got breast implants. 

Lily: Face 4.5, Body 5.25 (for now, wait 3 years or 1 baby and all bets are off), Personality 7

Sonia: Face 5.25, Body 3.5, Personality 4.5

Heather: Face 5.25 (3.5 when she has that disassociated, dead stare), Body 7, Personality 3 (5 when she's hammered)

[Passthepopcorn]

11 hours ago, kat12379 said:

I also dont get why in the previews she said she wanted kids and he said he didnt.... why would the matchmakers pair up people with completely opposite family goals ?? Really ? That is the biggest issue !! I mean, Lily does want to wait 5 years which is forever, but still. 

He actually said in this episode that he thought kids would come sooner than that. He said it in a hopeful way.

[Passthepopcorn]

10 hours ago, Neurochick said:

Here's my question, does anybody think that cultural differences could be an issue?  Two of the women are Latina, while their husbands are white, North American men; could those differences become an issue?

It wasn't for me and my husband of ten years :) But everybody is different... If there's chemistry and core values anything is possible.u

The guys are white but live in FL, so I guess Latin culture is not completely foreign to them. And the girls have lived more years in America than in their countries of origin, so the American culture is second nature to them.

Unless they have always lived within their cultural group, but even then I don't see a major problem. Again it depends on their open mindedness and will to commit to each other. 

Edited September 1, 2016 by Passthepopcorn

[Passthepopcorn]

33 minutes ago, Passthepopcorn said:

 

Edited September 1, 2016 by Passthepopcorn

[Empress1]

Moved this post to the brides & grooms thread.

Edited September 1, 2016 by Empress1
moved post

[Vinyasa]

Quote

I like Sonia, but her manner of speaking drives me crazy sometimes.

I just want to scream "get to the point, we don't have all day".

[KateHearts]

My husband has something he likes to say when, say, customer service people are skirting around answering a question:  "There are three possible answers here. Yes, no, or I don't know."  Heather's "it is what it is" was no answer at all to the Pastor's question whether she wanted to continue in the marriage.  "I'm tired and need to rest" is also a non-answer.  She should have said "I don't know" and gone home for her nap.

The poor grammar continued last night.  "Things look good for Sonia and I's marriage" (Nick); "Me and Tom are going to..." (Lily); and THE BEST:  "Me and the other experts feel..." (Dr. Pepper).  Good Lord.  Make it stop.

The other things that stood out for me:  Tom's utterly disgusting feet, the cuteness of Nick's dogs, Lily's impressively neat closet, and how the pastor didn't call Derek out on being a hothead.  Derek strikes me as someone who can be very cordial and nice because he's working reeaallly hard at reining in his rage... then something relatively small happens and he erupts.  Like the cave incident: "yeah, sure Heather; just walk away when we were having a REALLY GOOD TIME!!!" (rant, rant).  That, to me, just was an extreme overreaction.

[Vinyasa]

Quote

The poor grammar continued last night.  "Things look good for Sonia and I's marriage" (Nick); "Me and Tom are going to..." (Lily); and THE BEST:  "Me and the other experts feel..." (Dr. Pepper).  Good Lord.  Make it stop.

It all so annoying, especially from Dr. Pepper.

[Nowhere]

17 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

Nick is the only one I would look at twice. 

Nick's face: 7. Body: 7. Personality: 8 (I don't follow him on social media so I don't know about the know it all-ness). He seems like he's pretty bright (I cannot stand people who have no intellectual curiosity; that's a deal-breaker in my relationships) and that he's got a snarky side, which I like.

Derek's face: 5. Body: his build is nice but I hate his tattoos (not all tattoos - I have one. I hate HIS tattoos). The tats bring it down to a 4. Personality: he's just way, way too much of a bro type for me, and you just don't get to still be an aspiring rapper at 35. (I have a high school classmate who's been trying to rap since high school; it is so far past time for him to hang it up. His ex-wife divorced him over it - she said she was tired of being the only adult in the marriage. And he didn't make it because he is bad at rapping. He's not some great undiscovered talent; he SUCKS.) I'll give him a 5.

Tom: there is no there there. He's completely unremarkable except for the bus, which is a deterrent. 4s across the board.

Ha! We have the same taste in men.

[Paddywagon]

12 hours ago, Marsupial said:

As to Lily's dress, I am half Latina and Latina women do dress like that, frequently, for all occasions. I have a few dresses like that myself but I hardly ever wear them, although Mr. Marsupial, who is Latino, wishes I would wear them daily LOL.

I'm blonde with green eyes so I'm not Latina but I can definitely see wearing that dress for a daytime occasion with sandals and with the heels for a dinner out.  Since seeing Lily wear it I'd go with the beige shoes like she did.  I'm sure she dressed up a bit for the house hunting and the sexy shortness was for Tom.

Edited September 1, 2016 by Paddywagon

[Lola16]

3 hours ago, Evil Queen said:

 I must had missed him saying he had a lot of debt. I heard him say the part about making around 60K last year and the year before almost 70K or something like that. I get the feeling that his job is pretty similar to construction and how the jobs come so the pay will vary for those not under a steady company.  And agree its not a lot that he makes but yet my friend's husband is a mailman and makes less. He has had that job for over 20 yrs now too. I wouldn't be surprised if he had some sort of little old truck or car that would do ok with holding his boards to get to the beach. If its not in walking distance. I know I really like having certain places within walking distance myself (have 2 grocery stores, big lots, a couple fast food places, gas stations, post office, Home Depot, etc) all within 5 mins walking. I live in a beach city on the west coast so you see many ride bikes or walk depending on where they are from things. As for the debt though, why do they pick those with so much debt? I don't remember the past seasons the couple discussing their debt like this or the exact amount of money they earned in their jobs. You could tell Sonia wasn't comfortable with it. Heck most people aren't. Its not just something you just start talking about like that. Especially debt. 

Tom was mumbling a bit so not sure what all he said on the episode. According to some who saw Unfiltered, Lilly outed Tom's debt.  60-70K isn't bad but it's not like he's rolling in it. 

Last season, they talked about finances when deciding where to live.  I think Neil and Sam were more equals financially while the other 2 couples weren't.

This season, Sonia makes probably 1/2 of what Nick does with his job and AirBnB rentals; Lilly might do as well as Tom or even better depending on sales; Heather might make more than Derek since we don't know what he is an AE for - it could be anywhere from mid 30's to 6 figures. 

It is awkward but it's a good conversation to have.

[Nowhere]

1 hour ago, Jack Sampson said:

Lily: Face 4.5, Body 5.25 (for now, wait 3 years or 1 baby and all bets are off), Personality 7

Sonia: Face 5.25, Body 3.5, Personality 4.5

Heather: Face 5.25 (3.5 when she has that disassociated, dead stare), Body 7, Personality 3 (5 when she's hammered)

Lily isn't pretty in the face. Her body looks good though for now, like you said. I think she has an alright personality but the baby talk gets on my nerves really bad. I never really got why people think that's cute. I'd rather be treated like a woman, not a baby so I can't imagine a man would want to be talked to like a baby. Isn't that a little emasculating? 

Sonia does that baby talk upspeak and I want to kill myself when I hear her. As far as her face, you know how some people grow on you? She does the opposite of that. 

Heather is a butter face with a boring personality unless she's drinking. When she and Derek were drinking together I actually really liked her and I guess the stick crawled out of her butt and slipped into Derek's. She needs more boobs. 

This is all IMHO of course. Nobody can get upset with me if I say that, right?

[cpcathy]

Heather thinks she is a "cool girl." Her favorite book and movie are probably Gone Girl. Blonde, thin, flight attendant, cool haircut, hipster glasses. She took one look at Derek and said "Nope!" I'm sure the producers are tickled that these two hate each other. Drama!

[Evil Queen]

1 hour ago, Passthepopcorn said:

But why not tell Derek in private that she is completely done and there's no hope?  She can't say it on camera it seems, but she can let him know so they can be on the same page. We are here to fulfill the contract we signed and we will put a face for the camera, act as civil as we can and then we move on with our lives.

I don't think he ever heard this otherwise he wouldn't be saying he is willing to work on the relationship and that he is not ready to quit.

She has every right to not like him, no one can control that, but don't keep him hanging hoping he gets the message. Just call it quits. Because her doubt and silence is not because she is considering they could have a chance, I don't think. That's pretty clear.

I don't know if they get paid for the show, but I have a feeling there must be a penalty if they don't stay the 6 weeks. Otherwise, why stay?

No matter what he is saying the things he is to try to make it look like he is so great and special because he wanted to try to make it work. Which if that was really the case he wouldn't have been yelling at her to leave and would have been asking what could be done to try to turn things around for them. He has done of that. He is one of those that talks a good game to make himself look like the good one in a situation he might not otherwise look that good in. I can't imagine how he would react if she told him straight out how much she can't stand him and why (which the show needs to still fill that part in). I don't think he is the kind of guy that would like being told those things though. Private or not. Which there is no way the show will want them doing anything private that would make for good drama on tv. 

I doubt there would be a penalty for leaving early. I think these "experts" push and push until they wear down the person wishing to leave into staying instead. Look at how Pastor Shouty was to Heather about it. He was on her ass over it. There is no way if she said leave that we would see it and that he would let her go like that from things. It would make them look bad...not like they need help in that really. 

17 minutes ago, Lola16 said:

Tom was mumbling a bit so not sure what all he said on the episode. According to some who saw Unfiltered, Lilly outed Tom's debt.  60-70K isn't bad but it's not like he's rolling in it. 

Last season, they talked about finances when deciding where to live.  I think Neil and Sam were more equals financially while the other 2 couples weren't.

This season, Sonia makes probably 1/2 of what Nick does with his job and AirBnB rentals; Lilly might do as well as Tom or even better depending on sales; Heather might make more than Derek since we don't know what he is an AE for - it could be anywhere from mid 30's to 6 figures. 

It is awkward but it's a good conversation to have.

Ok. I don't watch that. Can't stand Jamie. If I was her I'd be worried that this supposed non materialistic surf bum has debt like that and what he has it from. Wouldn't be surprised if it was the bus and trying to make it a home. 

I do remember they talked a little about the finances last season but nothing like these ones did. I think we just got a hint of it but no amount in terms of income and mention to much of debt like this was giving us. At least I don't remember them saying anything. I know Sam and Neil was more what do you pay for this and that to figure bills though. 

Yes it is an awkward one but obviously one you have to have at some point. 

[Adeejay]

3 hours ago, magemaud said:

Did Lillian really say the bus was "beautiful" and everything was "high-end?" All I saw was plywood, a bathroom that looked like it was at a camp but oh yes, a DISHWASHER! Did I miss something? 

I can't with Lili.  I think she is disingenuous as hell.  I noticed that her face fell when Tom asked for a post nup.  What I find interesting is that while she keeps professing her love and saying how great they are together, he isn't making any such declaration.  Say what you want about Nick, but at least he isn't leading Sonia on. 

[Jack Sampson]

1 hour ago, Nowhere said:

Lily isn't pretty in the face. Her body looks good though for now, like you said. I think she has an alright personality but the baby talk gets on my nerves really bad. I never really got why people think that's cute. I'd rather be treated like a woman, not a baby so I can't imagine a man would want to be talked to like a baby. Isn't that a little emasculating? 

Sonia does that baby talk upspeak and I want to kill myself when I hear her. As far as her face, you know how some people grow on you? She does the opposite of that. 

Heather is a butter face with a boring personality unless she's drinking. When she and Derek were drinking together I actually really liked her and I guess the stick crawled out of her butt and slipped into Derek's. She needs more boobs. 

This is all IMHO of course. Nobody can get upset with me if I say that, right?

Dudes will tolerate a LOT when we're being sedated by regular, enthusiastic sex.  If it ever dries up, we get tired of that nonsense pretty quickly. 

[StayingAfterSunday]

1 hour ago, Evil Queen said:

No matter what he is saying the things he is to try to make it look like he is so great and special because he wanted to try to make it work. Which if that was really the case he wouldn't have been yelling at her to leave and would have been asking what could be done to try to turn things around for them. He has done of that. He is one of those that talks a good game to make himself look like the good one in a situation he might not otherwise look that good in. I can't imagine how he would react if she told him straight out how much she can't stand him and why (which the show needs to still fill that part in). I don't think he is the kind of guy that would like being told those things though. Private or not. Which there is no way the show will want them doing anything private that would make for good drama on tv. 

I doubt there would be a penalty for leaving early. I think these "experts" push and push until they wear down the person wishing to leave into staying instead. Look at how Pastor Shouty was to Heather about it. He was on her ass over it. There is no way if she said leave that we would see it and that he would let her go like that from things. It would make them look bad...not like they need help in that really. 

Ok. I don't watch that. Can't stand Jamie. If I was her I'd be worried that this supposed non materialistic surf bum has debt like that and what he has it from. Wouldn't be surprised if it was the bus and trying to make it a home. 

I do remember they talked a little about the finances last season but nothing like these ones did. I think we just got a hint of it but no amount in terms of income and mention to much of debt like this was giving us. At least I don't remember them saying anything. I know Sam and Neil was more what do you pay for this and that to figure bills though. 

Yes it is an awkward one but obviously one you have to have at some point. 

I remember Dr. Pepper commenting on the fact that Tom was "educated" or something to that effect, so he may still have outstanding student loans.

[Blissfool]

5 hours ago, Jack Sampson said:

She's already got an extra 5 pounds in her neck. :)

I found this hilarious because my teenage son totally called it out. He compared it to a flotation device around her neck. 

ETA: Lily seems to believe she's hotter than what she actually is. She walks around dressed to the nines (i think she's a great dresser), carefully planning each step in her 5 inch heels, sticking her butt out with each step, holding on to serial killer's arm with one hand and her precious pet's leash with the other hand. I bet she holds her pinkie out when she drinks champagne, too. 

Edited September 1, 2016 by Blissfool

[LennieBriscoe]

I haven't heard Lily use "baby talk" or "declare her love"---but then, maybe I was asleep those times. One thing that bugged me this episode: Both Tom and Lily kept repeating "It's only been 2 weeks" (or whatever). Kind of like putting the reason for divorce out there.

IMO, Tom is handsome, Nick is average-plain, and Derek has nice eyes but off-putting tattoos. 

Lily is pretty, Sonia is average-plain, and  Heather is attractive without the eyeglasses. I think all three are prone to weight-gain, FWIW.

As long as Tom thinks he's found his JLo and he washes his feet, they're good. Nick probably thinks he deserves someone above his pay-grade, because Sonia ain't cutting it. And Derek would have kept his blonde Amazon, but now he's hurt and angry at being rejected.

If any of the women had hoped for someone sophisticated, even mature, oh, well!

Edited September 1, 2016 by LennieBriscoe

[Blissfool]

I like nick a lot because I follow him on social media and find him to be funny and sarcastic. 

HOWEVER, I am of the team that thinks he is gay and only went on the show to promote his business  (not cool).

The naysayers argue that we can't says he's gay just because he's not into Sonia, but that's not MY only reason. It's an accumulation of things:

- the socks to cure the "cold feet" on the wedding day. The idea was so cute. I loved it. But the idea is not expected from a man.

- the wedding shoes

- metrosexual; face cream and mousse, as sonia mentioned. 

- interior decorator

- close to his mother 

- at times I catch some feminine mannerisms; walking gait,  head nods, etc. (Not consistent, but every so often)

- closed-off to sonia's advances

I don't mean to offend anyone, but I just want to make it clear that I  (and maybe others) have various reasons why we think he's gay. It's not JUST that he isn't into sonia.

[Blissfool]

1 hour ago, Jack Sampson said:

Dudes will tolerate a LOT when we're being sedated by regular, enthusiastic sex.  If it ever dries up, we get tired of that nonsense pretty quickly. 

Well he did mention that she is very passionate in bed. Please, tom, we didn't need a mental image.

[Nowhere]

Maybe they should have put Nick with Heather and Derek with Sonia. I think that would have worked. I think opposites attract when interacting with each other privately and not so much in social situations publicly. It can be annoying for both parties. Opposites only attract to a certain extent in other words. The experts are stupid assholes.

[Snarklepuss]

I noticed that part about Tom being in significant debt too.  He made a big deal about making $72,000 a couple of years ago and $60,000 last year but why do I have the feeling that's the most he's ever made and before that he wasn't making nearly that much?  That would account for the debt and being cheap.  Something tells me he lives in that bus as much out of necessity as anything else.  He's good at making things look better, but what's the truth?  Does he live in the bus because he loves a "bohemian" lifestyle or because he's broke and cheap?  Does he harp on Lily's "materialism" because he knows he can't help support someone with bigger expectations?  That's my bet, anyway.  And he acted like the post-nup was for Lily's benefit too when I'm sure it's really because he's most concerned with his own finances since he seems to have reason to be concerned.

 

Regarding the theory that something major went down between Derek and Heather that turned her off and isn't being talked about on the show, my suspicion is that it's partly about the smoking but also more than that.  She may have found out that he is a local dealer in pot or something of that nature.   Or that he runs with a really juvenile, younger gangsta crowd, which she is just so over by now.  He certainly dresses and acts the part.  Regarding her "type" it may not have been about physical appearance as much as what the guy does for a living and what "milieu" he comes from.  She may have wanted a more straight laced conservative type with a solid career who works in a major company, not some juvenile looking guy tattooed up the wazoo with Bart Simpson cap and outfits.  After all, Heather seems pretty conservative in some ways herself.  Even the sorority girl partying is typical of a certain conservative crowd, until they grow out of it in their 30s. 

I also notice that no real reference has been made to what Derek actually does for a living.  "Account Executive" is pretty sketchy, and it doesn't even say where.  Something tells me he isn't as solid as the show is trying to make him look.  I'm sure if Heather was disappointed with his career (or lack thereof) she wouldn't want to risk looking shallow or materialistic by mentioning that on the show, but let's face it, it may be a real issue.  I know if I were her I wouldn't want to be matched with someone I thought was a loser or a total mismatch in that way.

 

15 hours ago, Evil Queen said:

Exactly!!! This guy has been on another reality show and now this one. The way he "counsels" would have been shutting down. Let alone I'd be in tears having him yell at me like that. Its not the kind of approach someone that is suppose to counsel married couples should be taking EVER! And in the end not one of these new ones or the old ones has shown to be an "expert" at anything IMO.

I agree with whoever said it that the Pastor Shouty is coming off as a bully. And hate to tell him but married couples do get to have alone time. I've got a 15 yr marriage that will tell you otherwise. We have things we have done without each other and things we do with each other. There is nothing wrong with married couples having some alone time though. Especially if there is a problem going on and you need that breathing space for a short time. Doesn't mean you left the house even but just are in different places of it alone or go for a walk/drive.  Heck not everyone has the same things in common so there are things you will do away from your spouse. I can't stand this guy and his crappy advice he is trying to dish out and throw at Heather about her trying either or treating them like a long time married couple. Find out WTF happened before bullying her into keeping this crap going.

ITA, once again "Pastor" (and I use quote marks purposely) strikes me as yet another reality show BS artist and not a professional counselor.  They might as well have gotten Dr. Phil as him for the show.  His brand of "pablum schlock psychology" helps no one but makes audiences go "wow".  It's all about him, not about the people he helps.  His is a simplistic, uneducated look at marriage IMO.  He may have several degrees for all I know but he's not impressing me, none of them have on this show except for Dr. Pepper and even she is out there at times.  And ITA about marriage and the alone time.  If not for that I would never have lasted 36 years in one.  Constant togetherness is not a solution for anything, especially when you've been fighting and have reached an impasse.  Besides, Heather was asking for maybe ONE FREAKING NIGHT to recuperate and get her thoughts and emotions together.  She even said she needed to "sleep on it".  But instead she gets a ration of crap about it as if Pastor Shouty thought she was looking for an excuse to bail completely.  I don't believe that was the case at all and she deserved better.

[Enero]

Quote

I noticed that part about Tom being in significant debt too.  He made a big deal about making $72,000 a couple of years ago and $60,000 last year but why do I have the feeling that's the most he's ever made and before that he wasn't making nearly that much? 

Am I the only who thinks none of these folks are doing significantly well financially? As I understand it's very expensive to live in Florida, especially south Florida where they're located. $60k I'm guessing is about the average salary you'll need to make to do okay if you don't have kids etc.

In looking at all of their apartments I think Heather, followed by  Nick had the nicest, biggest homes. Everyone else were living in matchboxes or a bus - Tom.

Quote

 

I also notice that no real reference has been made to what Derek actually does for a living.  "Account Executive" is pretty sketchy, and it doesn't even say where.  Something tells me he isn't as solid as the show is trying to make him look.  I'm sure if Heather was disappointed with his career (or lack thereof) she wouldn't want to risk looking shallow or materialistic by mentioning that on the show, but let's face it, it may be a real issue.

Hmmm. That's an interesting point. You could be on to something. I think the "experts" did say they check all that out before selecting participants. Since they mentioned Heather wanted a take charge man I would hope they would've matched her with someone who was financially capable of this. However, Derrick did mention on the matchmaking show that he'd either just changed careers or started a new job. So he may not be as financially stable as Heather would like.

Edited September 1, 2016 by Enero

[jamblastx]

It's the most...won-de-rful....time....of the show's season (when we start rating the lab rats....hey they, keep calling this an 'experiment')

Heather - Personality - Cold? check...Icy demeanor that is a challenge to break through?....check...my unfortunate gravitational pull towards someone like that...check. So the personality for me would be a 9 but in the real world, where my dumb ass doesn't get trapped by this type of person, it's a 3.

Face - Pretty face but very weak chin....7.5

Body - I hate to somewhat agree with something that her dipshit husband said and I killed him on, but I get the feeling that time is starting to hit her hard and possibly due to her seemingly hard partying ways.  She was probably a 9 but now is more like a 7.

Lily - Personality - Best personality of the bunch other than being seemingly being taken in by Svengali Greyhound (but understandable given her young age).  8

Face - 5

Body - Jack Sampson has nailed it with her.  She is a weight struggler and I am sure it will be a losing battle in the long run.  Actually I was shocked in how good she looked in a bathing suit but she better never eat a cheeseburger again if she wants to rock the bikini.  For now it's a 7 but unfortunately for her, it will easily go down quickly

Sonia - Personality - Normally I would give her a 1 based upon her overly passive and annoying manner of talking where everything sounds like a question?  But she does seem to have a bit of a sense of humor but next to Nick who has the personality of a piece of wood, that's easy to pull off.  I give her a 4

Face - 6

Body - 3

OK, as a straight male I will try to assess the men

Derek - Personality - 10 if you like wanna be tough talkin rappers that bitch and whine, pout and create themselves as the victim in an annoying nasal voice.  But if you don't like that, take the zero off and he is a 1.

Face - Looks high all the time but very average looking. 5

Body - Looks pasty, horrible tattoos, looks as if he has never done any sort exercise and am shocked he was in the military. 4

Tom - Personality - I don't buy his bullshit at all...this guy is a player and he is cheap...not frugal, cheap.  He seems like the guy who always makes sure to date a girl who is not as good looking as him so she can worship him and who will buy into his load of crap. 1

Face - 5....if he shaves that bullshit Sonny Crockett stubble it can go up to a 7

Body - Could use some grooming as that body hair is on the verge of getting out of control especially as he ages. 6

Nick - Personality - incomplete as he apparently came from the factory without one

Face - 5....he is every stock photograph of a 30ish year old white guy

Body - 8...who saw the toned bathing suit bod coming?  Could use another ten pounds or so but good job Nick. 

Edited September 1, 2016 by jamblastx

[Soup333]

On 8/30/2016 at 10:47 PM, jamblastx said:

Heather/Derek - I cannot even give them nicknames as they were barely on the show and yeah...I needed a break from the two of them as well.  For everyone who has loved this Pastor, wow....I could not have liked him less.  Heather who is not faultless at all did seem like a truly fragile person who was beyond her breaking point, and this tool is berating her to make a decision....now!  And giving her a sermon about marriage and working at it as if these two had a TRUE history and not a bullshit one of one week.  And Derek....why would she want to be with you?  Maybe she checked out early after two days but I think that most women would have given you only one extra day before wanting to run away.  And marriage isn't a reason and a means for you to grow and improve yourself....if you do feel that need that you need work, see a shrink or see a pastor beforehand.  And if you do want it to work, maybe not say 'I would be willing to try but only if she is'....or 'just leave!'....grow the fuck up and grow a pair of balls.

Count me among those who thought pressuring her was strange. She was clearly done at least for the day. They should have been allowed to go home and decompress before having that meeting.

On 8/31/2016 at 2:19 AM, Lola16 said:

Sonia is trying her best but she needs to work on her insecurities.  Nick starts to like Sonia as a friend, gets all nice, catches himself and then tries to push her away with snarky sniping comments.  Awesomesauce.

Nick and Lilly.  Oh man.  The unfinished (and poorly finished) bus with insufficient power and water for 2 with a hard bed and no storage. His stinky dirty feet. Her awful hair and capitulating to everything he wants (except dirty feet in bed).  Yeah.  Not gonna last.

I also noticed this about Nick. I think she's oversensitive, but he seems to push her away by doing exactly what you said. 

 

22 hours ago, Magoo said:

There was a LOT of dirt coming off Tom's feet when he was rinsing them off before bed. It was swirling around in the tub.  I'm not a clean freak, but that was gross and I don't blame Lilly at all for insisting he wash that crap off before climbing into clean sheets and rubbing that nastiness on her. 

Gross. That would be a dealbreaker for me. His feet were straight up barefoot feral toddler. 

[Drogo]

This is an episode thread for discussing the episode "For Richer or Poorer" and anything that happened... in this episode. 

Further discussion about the participants that has nothing to do with the episodes (including ratings) belongs in the Brides and Grooms thread.

[bichonblitz]

Wow, I have done a complete 180 when it comes to Derek. I (thought) I really liked him. Ugggh. The guy looked good at his wedding, cleaned up and dressed up in a nice suit. He came off as a really together, mature guy. Now I see him as a whiny baby who needs a shower. I think Heather thought the same. First time she saw him, she probably thought, hey, not bad. Not bad at all. Maybe I can do this. Then the real Derek comes out. Those freakin tank tops, ugly colored tatts, hat always on backwards with those teenaged board shorts. Then there is that nasally voice. Turn off. I doubt she tried to consummate the marriage at all. 

Tom with the post nup. Are you kidding me? Dude, you have nothing. Go take a seat. 

As far as income goes, living in south Florida is expensive. If he grossed 60K last year, his net was probably around 45K. Barely enough to live down there. Yup, he living on that bus out of necessity. Regarding Lily, Miami real estate is pricey.  If she's earning 60K a year, she's not doing all that well, either. But she's very young so she will probably build up her business in time to be very successful. 

Sonya- she said she earns $46,000 and has $85,000 in debt? Holy shit. Unless that includes college loans and she went to Harvard, that would be a huge red flag for me. 

Oh, and one more nitpick. Are these guys contractually obligated to say "my wife" all the time in their talking heads instead of referring to the women by their name? It makes me crazy. 

[cardigirl]

17 minutes ago, bichonblitz said:

 Then the real Derek comes out. Those freakin tank tops, ugly colored tatts, hat always on backwards with those teenaged board shorts. Then there is that nasally voice. Turn off. I doubt she tried to consummate the marriage at all. 

Not sure how one is supposed to dress when in Puerto Rico, (or southern Florida for that matter) but the tanks and the shorts didn't seem bad to me.   Now if he had been wearing sweatshirts with the sleeves cut off, and socks with sandals, different story.  

I feel bad for both Heather and Derek, but right now I feel worse for Derek.  

Edited September 1, 2016 by cardigirl

[amola]

I thought Sonia said $40k in debt with $12 of that on credit cards and the rest in student loans. I would guess Tom's debt is student loans or $ for the bus.  I love that Lilly is so young and doesn't have debt.  

[Enero]

31 minutes ago, bichonblitz said:

Sonya- she said she earns $46,000 and has $85,000 in debt? Holy shit. Unless that includes college loans and she went to Harvard, that would be a huge red flag for me. 

 

Sonya said that she has about $25K in student loans and about $10K in credit card debt. So she's about  $40K in debt. Nick stated that he has about $18k-$20k in student loan debt. Also, he makes about $80k-$90k a year, but his income can also be hit or miss. He probably has the highest income out of  all the participants when business is booming for him. 

 

Quote

 I love that Lilly is so young and doesn't have debt.  

This is likely due to her not going to college. 

Edited September 1, 2016 by Enero

[henrysmom]

Quote

 Besides, Heather was asking for maybe ONE FREAKING NIGHT to recuperate and get her thoughts and emotions together. 

I thought it was incredibly unfair that the other couples were able to immediately go (alone) to their own places, while Heather and Derek were dragged, apparently straight off the plane, to that horrible counseling session.  I can't say I like either of them very much, but there is no way they were going to come off well in that situation.  Tired and stressed out, no wonder Heather just shut down even more and Derek got nasty.  

[Empress1]

It was interesting to me that these couples were more open about discussing their debt on TV. Last season I remember more secrecy - writing stuff on paper & showing it to the other person, etc. Which I get - my spouse is entitled to know my financial info, but the rest of y'all are not. Reason number one million that I would never do this show.

I don't think any of them are rolling in it either. Lily is doing well for 24 and I'd imagine you can do well with Air B&B in Miami so Nick's earning potential is good. Sonia is never going to make a lot of money, which I'm sure she knows. No one goes into social work for the money.

[bichonblitz]

32 minutes ago, cardigirl said:

Not sure how one is supposed to dress when in Puerto Rico, (or southern Florida for that matter) but the tanks and the shorts didn't seem bad to me.   Now if he had been wearing sweatshirts with the sleeves cut off, and socks with sandals, different story.  

He was still dressed like that after they returned home. At the counseling session. So the vacation had nothing to do with it. 

[Empress1]

19 minutes ago, bichonblitz said:

He was still dressed like that after they returned home. At the counseling session. So the vacation had nothing to do with it. 

They went to the counseling session straight from the airport. Heather said so outright and she was also wearing the same thing she had on when they left PR.

40 minutes ago, Enero said:

This is likely due to [Lily] not going to college. 

Word. All my friends are college educated; many, myself included, have advanced degrees. I think there are only two people among my friends who never had student loans.

Edited September 1, 2016 by Empress1

[bichonblitz]

7 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

They went to the counseling session straight from the airport. Heather said so outright and she was also wearing the same thing she had on when they left PR.

Don't care. If you're getting on a plane, cover up your damn arms. He's not on the beach anymore.  I don't want to be sitting next to some skanky looking dude with his exposed hairy ampits 6 inches away from me. It just proves to me the guy has no class. I don't even like Heather but I can see why she was turned off.  

Edited September 1, 2016 by bichonblitz

[okerry]

11 hours ago, Jack Sampson said:

Dudes will tolerate a LOT when we're being sedated by regular, enthusiastic sex.  If it ever dries up, we get tired of that nonsense pretty quickly. 

Look, I understand how important sex is in a long-term relationship. It can go a long, long way towards helping to keep a couple together.

But no woman wants a man who's only putting up with her as long as she keeps putting out for him. That's a really awful way to live - mostly for her, but for him, too. She's being used and he's being a cold-blooded reptile. Sex ought to have a better outcome than that. JMHO.

And to keep this on topic, Derek might have this very same attitude and that's what really happened between him and Heather. I'm convinced it wasn't his smoking, whether weed or not.

[kira28]

I do not like the pastor.  He laid all the blame on Heather just like this show does to all the women.  And the shouting and him practically demanding Heather make a, choice when all she wanted was a nap.  She was visibly exhausted.  I'm not a huge fan of Heather but I do think she tried and Derek had too many deal breakers.  She is miles ahead of Ashley who wouldn't even hug David. I kind of get where Heather might be coming from.  U had a good career I own my house outright no mortgage.  I am responsible and take care of myself.  I don't do drugs and would get fired if I failed a drug test.  I've dated two smokers before.  I had the smell of smoke  but I wouldn't rule someone out because they smoked so I probably would have answered occasional smoking was ok.  I consider occasional to be you light up when you are at a bar or maybe out with friends once every few weeks.  I know a few of the guys I've dated had smoked weed before and they had outgrown it and didn't do it anymore or maybe might smoke at a party once a year.  

 

But if I had been matched with Derrick at first I'd look past his ridiculous tattoos and get to know him but if I found out I'd been matched with a man child slacker who thought it was perfectly ok to smoke weed as soon as he got up in the morning I'd be totally turned off too.  I think Derrick is immature and he's probably a bill collector or something.  I saw Heather as trying when she had a good talk with him in the caves and at least tried to be friends with him Derrick acted like a petulant teenager and threw a fit over her leaving without telling   him. She expressed she was trying to be considerate to the other people who were waiting and Derrick got all pissy because he felt the only person who should matter  is him. 

I feel bad for these women if they really wanted to be married.  They were matched based on the amount of drama the match would create.  Lily's most important request was to give her someone who was financially stable and she's matched with the loser who lives in a broken down bus in a trailer court.  Sonia is, afraid of dogs and is matched with a huge dog lover. 

Tom is gross.. The fact that he felt it was acceptable to climb into bed with those filthy feet tells me all I need to know about him.. He proly doesn't shower very often and looks like he smells.  I think he was hoping she would be turned off by the bus but nope she was a trooper now he's stuck. He's not going to be happy not living on his bus.  He's starting to pump the brakes talking about how it's only been a few weeks.