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Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!


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See, my wedding wasn't about me, but about my Fundy/evangelical community, but also the secular community I had begun to live in, the Italian-Polish-Catholic one of my husband's, and my enormous extended Appalachian family which pretty ran the gamut on religions from Duggar-like to gay cousins.

Everything we did was about trying to make these groups feel happy, knowing we were bringing people together who had nothing in common other than some connection to either me, my husband or our families.

We worked like dogs, had an army of volunteers not unlike the Duggar weddings, and 25 years later people still tell me how much they enjoyed the day. I ate one bite of potato, and the bite of cake my husband fed me at the cake cutting.

It was Jesus first, Others second, us last, but our wedding did bring a lot of people a lot of Joy. I know we snark about them, but I'm betting that there were a lot of happy people who were at Josh and Anna's wedding. I honestly can't say about Jill and Jessa's - not because of the reception or the numbers or anything like that, but because I don't know how intrusive at this point the cameras are and how much it feels more like a TV show than a real and exciting moment that you are fortunate to be part of.

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That's because 'Jill IS high"....she is still high on infatuation and now the "new baby syndrome". One day soon, it will all slow down and she will realize that she has lived out much of her life's happiness all in the course of one year.....what's there left to plan for and look forward to? Just the rerun of endless children being born and dirty dishes and diapers....she's in for a surprise.

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I hope having a baby so soon doesn't ruin Derrick and Jill.

That's what Jill is trained to do. The koolaid drinker whose been the mom brain washed, it will probably take her a few years and maybe babies to get the message she doesn't have to live like her mother

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I wonder if any of that will change once she has children -- especially daughters -- of her own.

 

I believe that Jill loves kids and was a great sister-mom, but it's really different having your own children. Once she holds her own daughter in her arms, will she really want her to become a sister-mom and live the way she did?

 

She'll also be meeting Derick's friends who are , I'm sure, devout Christians but not Gothardites. She and Derick may eventually start making their own decisions about raising their family.

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Derick seems like he is a reasonably smart guy. He went to a secular college. How does he not think, even just a little, that this family is nuts? How did he want Jim Bob, of all people, to be his prayer partner? Guess he started to like Jill and he got sucked into it. I just don't understand how he made that first contact with Jim Bob. I feel like Derick had to join a cult to marry Jill.

Even Seawald's dad figured it out in that blog post about marrying young.

Edited by Marigold
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Derick seems like he is a reasonably smart guy. He went to a secular college. How does he not think, even just a little, that this family is nuts? How did he want Jim Bob, of all people, to be his prayer partner? Guess he started to like Jill and he got sucked into it. I just don't understand how he made that first contact with Jim Bob. I feel like Derick had to join a cult to marry Jill.Even Seawald's dad figured it out in that blog post about marrying young.

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On the episode "All About Jill" when they were talking about Derick, his mom said as he was leaving for Nepal he asked her to give his contact information to Jim Bob. I think Derick and his family are more conservative than what we see on the show.

Edited by jb0495
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I often wonder what these couples do the first time they have a fight. People don't usually have their first argument when they are married. But they have courted for such a short time and even then have never been alone so they haven't worked out how to deal with disagreements. There doesn't even seem to be any acknowledgement that disagreements can occur

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On the episode "All About Jill" when they were talking about Derick, his mom said as he was leaving for Nepal he asked her to give his contact information to Jim Bob. I think Derick and his family are more conservative than what we see on the show.

Could be. Maybe they are just Fundamentalists who aren't all Duggarafied. I was a Fundamentalist and didn't have all this Duggar crazy thoughts/culture/ideas. What made me a fundamentalist was how we viewed and interpreted Scriptures. So, theologically I was very literal in my thoughts but I worked, got a masters degree, dated and did normal things etc. I guess Derick falls in that camp. I just don't think I could've gotten sucked into their ultra cultlike mentality. They are too extreme.

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I often wonder what these couples do the first time they have a fight. People don't usually have their first argument when they are married. But they have courted for such a short time and even then have never been alone so they haven't worked out how to deal with disagreements. There doesn't even seem to be any acknowledgement that disagreements can occur

There shouldn't be. If the wife disagrees, she can say her opinion but not argue. She should pray about it or write a letter to God. But, at the end of the day, she says "yes sir," which is why it's important to marry a godly man who values family.

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There shouldn't be. If the wife disagrees, she can say her opinion but not argue. She should pray about it or write a letter to God. But, at the end of the day, she says "yes sir," which is why it's important to marry a godly man who values family.

A Godly man who values family won't treat his wife like that.

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The ideal is that a husband had respect for his wife's opinion and always takes what she says into account, deeply, when any decision needs to be made. Then the husband prays on it and takes all things, including his wife's words and comes to a decision that best suits the needs and values of his family.

In practice it comes down to the wife doing what she can to influence, but in the end the husband's word is law. Not to say that there is no disagreement, but that she bends her will to him.

I, as a happily married Southern Baptist lady, have never been able to work with this idea in my life, because I am way to bossy and my husband isn't into the whole "Head of the family" thing anyway. Now, this can work, if the couple work at it and they are on the same wavelength about things, but it can also become a misogynistic mess. It's amatter of taking it seriously versus using it as an excuse to be domineering.

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I often wonder what these couples do the first time they have a fight. People don't usually have their first argument when they are married. But they have courted for such a short time and even then have never been alone so they haven't worked out how to deal with disagreements. There doesn't even seem to be any acknowledgement that disagreements can occur

Probably pray to Jesus. Or they try to keep sweet. I can't imagine Jill knowing what to do if she were to fight with Derrick. She would probably take it and stroke his ego. She would p blame herself for making him upset

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Derick seems like he is a reasonably smart guy. He went to a secular college. How does he not think, even just a little, that this family is nuts? How did he want Jim Bob, of all people, to be his prayer partner? Guess he started to like Jill and he got sucked into it. I just don't understand how he made that first contact with Jim Bob. I feel like Derick had to join a cult to marry Jill.

Even Seawald's dad figured it out in that blog post about marrying young.

 

This is my biggest question about Derick as well. He was not raised the way the Duggar children were - and has the added advantage of really being out there - in the real world of people who live and think in many different ways. How does he NOT think "the Duggar way" is just odd? I feel he had to join, or at least appear to join, in order to pass muster with Boob. More and more it's looking like he's really joined. And why is the most baffling of all. What happened?

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The ideal is that a husband had respect for his wife's opinion and always takes what she says into account, deeply, when any decision needs to be made. Then the husband prays on it and takes all things, including his wife's words and comes to a decision that best suits the needs and values of his family.

In practice it comes down to the wife doing what she can to influence, but in the end the husband's word is law. Not to say that there is no disagreement, but that she bends her will to him.

I, as a happily married Southern Baptist lady, have never been able to work with this idea in my life, because I am way to bossy and my husband isn't into the whole "Head of the family" thing anyway. Now, this can work, if the couple work at it and they are on the same wavelength about things, but it can also become a misogynistic mess. It's amatter of taking it seriously versus using it as an excuse to be domineering.

This is true for us as well. Neither of us desire this kind of 'head of the family' thing. I understand that in unique situations is can work, I think the biggest problem with getting it to work is that men who really want the 'head of the household' and the wife prays to accept his decisions kind of relationship are pretty much into it because it strokes their ego and caters to their desire to control. So if you have the tendency, it's unlikely you are going to be on the same wavelength and really put his wife's feelings as a priority. It kind of reminds me of watching Sister Wives and the husband saying how he really has the hardest job because he has to worry about all the wives and their feelings. When in reality the wives are told that if they aren't happy it's because they aren't Godly enough and he is just into polygamy because it's really good for his ego. Same thing here only with just one wife.

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He was not raised the way the Duggar children were - and has the added advantage of really being out there - in the real world of people who live and think in many different ways.

 

Yes, but keep in mind his "secular" school was in OKLAHOMA.  Yes, I'm sure there's plenty of "secularness" going around there, but I live in OK and can affirm that almost everything (and I mean EVERYTHING--did you see the results of our mid-term elections?) is very conservative.  Just saying, in this state, anyway, it's completely possible to go to a state school and still come out with very conservative views.

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Yes, but keep in mind his "secular" school was in OKLAHOMA.  Yes, I'm sure there's plenty of "secularness" going around there, but I live in OK and can affirm that almost everything (and I mean EVERYTHING--did you see the results of our mid-term elections?) is very conservative.  Just saying, in this state, anyway, it's completely possible to go to a state school and still come out with very conservative views.

 

As a conservative, I just want to say it is completely possible to have conservative political views and still think the Duggars are nut jobs.

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That's because 'Jill IS high"....she is still high on infatuation and now the "new baby syndrome". One day soon, it will all slow down and she will realize that she has lived out much of her life's happiness all in the course of one year.....what's there left to plan for and look forward to? Just the rerun of endless children being born and dirty dishes and diapers....she's in for a surprise.

 

I agree. Jill met, "dated," became engaged, married and pregnant in a span of what - 7 months? Nov 2013 to June 2014? With no other relationships to compare it to, good or bad. She's headed for a serious reality check at some point  But we know one thing for sure - there won't be dirty dishes. Styrofoam rules!

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I have stated that the Duggars are unnecessarily severe many times and it still it true, IMO. I would still like to hear from derickdillard as to how HE was raised, religious-wise and what social belief system his parents instilled in HIM, did he EVER have a date before Jill, (a real one) was Jill HIS first kiss ever also? We have heard from Mrs. Byrum that she didn't call it "courting", but advised her sons to not date a lot because it's expensive, etc..well, that's a football field of difference from what the Duggars practice....Derick needs to fess up to where he is now and how he got there...what HIS plans are for his childrens' education, homeschool or classroom, etc..Does he still hang out with his friends from college, go to sports bars and watch the game, (you don't have to drink alcohol), but it's the social environment that the Duggars are against...does he only hang out with fundamentalist people and friends, there's so much to cover in a good interview with him. Not the silly superficial stuff that we already know or don't care to know.


Clemgo3165: It's a whole different ball game between a disagreement with your siblings and a marital disagreement with your husband, IMO. It would be interesting to see how they act, react and handle a real disagreement with each other. I also have posted earlier that they haven't spent enough time with one another and NO time alone with each other to see how the other is during a heated discussion. It's not a good thing to experience AFTER you're already married.., I know, I experienced it and it wasn't a good thing. YOU ARE STUCK.

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As a conservative, I just want to say it is completely possible to have conservative political views and still think the Duggars are nut jobs.

 

 

Oh, no doubt!  I wasn't trying to imply otherwise, and I don't think our statements are mutually exclusive :-)

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When my husband and I first married, we attended a fundamentalist church where the head of the household schtick was very big.  The pastor told my husband that they had received a prophecy that God had determined that my husband was destined for great things (he had just been accepted for an Ivy League University graduate program, full ride, and he was only 20 years old, so it wasn't EXACTLY a divine bolt from the blue) but then he said something that was kind of funny.  "We really do feel this prophecy is true.  But we can't imagine how it's going to come true unless you get your wife in line."

And here we are, 25 years later....

One point I'll continue to make -- any one of us could be susceptible to a cult, if you think of a cult not as something that, from the point of view of the person inside of it, is taking something away from them, but giving them something.  The brain patterns are not that different from falling in love, and we all know how intelligent, thoughtful and otherwise good people fall in love with people who aren't right for them.  But you believe you are getting something very special, whereas those on the outside see that something is being taken from you.  

And it's a fine line -- the outside perspective, just like falling in love, may not be right either.  I'm sure some of us, at least, have been in relationships that people told us were all wrong for us, but have gone on to be perhaps the best decision we ever made.

That's why these decisions aren't easy -- all passions can become cult-like under the right situation.  All it takes is a corrupt leader and people who desperately want to be led.  It doesn't have to be religious even.  And all it takes is two.

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I will say I espouse the whole husband being the spiritual head of the household. I'm a conservative Christian and believe in the complementarian view of husband/wife roles similar to Derick and Jill. I am, however, not a fundamentalist nor am I a doormat.

Regarding who makes the final decision on things, I'd say it's a partnership and we have a lot of give and take. My husband respects my insight and opinions, but when we have a difference of opinion and things come to an impasse I will acquiesce if he is respectful and if it's reasonable. If not, then I stand my ground and I will not budge. I may not be the best role model in this regard, but I still believe in and embrace the complementarian view of marriage and mutual respect.

Edited for spelling

Edited by msblossom
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After seeing the recent pictures of Jill, she's still arching her back and pushing her stomach forward.  I hope when this pregnancy is over, she can regain normal posture.  Two things my mother told me to never do when pregnant were to lose normal posture and waddle like a duck.

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I guess Derick decided to become even more into it? People change and grow. Sometimes we don't agree with them but it's his life and maybe he is happy. Who knows?

At least he did get to experience life and get a college degree. I myself was a fundamentalist for many, many years and I chose it. I never felt pushed. Like the Brown kids...this is their family. Some will be polygamists and some won't. You have to make your own path in life. Maybe Derick feels this is his path? Maybe his new, more intense faith makes him happy? We can puzzle about it but he really did choose it. The Duggar kids don't appear to have much of a choice. Truthfully, Jim Bob and Michelle's lifestyle doesn't bother me. I don't like how they have kept their children from finding their own path like they did. I find it strangling and that isn't true faith.

And, they were always controlling but now that their ADULT children are courting, it really has become concerning. Jim Bob and Michelle have no confidence in their training or their faith. Is Jill so weak that she will run wild if the chaperone goes to the bathroom? Seriously? My gosh, if you've trained, taught and loved your children in your faith, then that should speak for itself.

All this Duggar dating nonsense actually reveals what failures they are. A true test is getting in a car with your finace and keeping your clothes on. Without anyone there. Or holding hands during prayer. Can they manage to keep their thoughts pure? Gosh, they are PRAYING, I would certainly hope so!

What is going to happen when Jill has access to the internet or Jessa is allowed to post pictures of her choice on instagram? (oops!) Or when they can choose their own clothing? Their faith is so small and underdeveloped. It's really sad.

(I still don't get Derick)

Edited by Marigold
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We have not heard much from Jill and Derrick since they announced their pregnancy unless I missed the news.

We really do not know much about them except she's pregnant, he works at Wal-Mart and they haven't shared a copycat kissing picture. And we know where they live. LOL.

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 But we know one thing for sure - there won't be dirty dishes. Styrofoam rules!

Yea it's pretty disturbing.  Jill posted a picture of Mackynzie (never remember how to spell that childs name) eating fruity pebbles at her house while Josh and Anna were in town for the wedding.  Of course it was in a freaking disposable bowl.  I'm sorry but I'm calling BS on this big time Jilly Muffin.  You have nothing to do all day, sowhy in the heck are you destroying the environment? Why do they even have that crap in their house?

 

Didn't she get a crap load of dishes on all those registries?  

Edited by truthtalk2014
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She does use real dinnerware though as evident by these photos from her Instagram-  

http://instagram.com/p/ta5dSYLs5i/

http://instagram.com/p/rAvxNeLs0n/

http://instagram.com/p/p_WBKCLs3T/

 

I'd give her a break. Maybe she had bunch of guests staying over and it was just easier to bring out the disposable bowls that one time, especially with how busy everything probably was with Jessa's wedding. Or maybe she didn't want a little kid using her good dishes in case Mac accidentally dropped the bowl or something. Not a big deal IMO.

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She does use real dinnerware though as evident by these photos from her Instagram-  

http://instagram.com/p/ta5dSYLs5i/

http://instagram.com/p/rAvxNeLs0n/

http://instagram.com/p/p_WBKCLs3T/

 

I'd give her a break. Maybe she had bunch of guests staying over and it was just easier to bring out the disposable bowls that one time, especially with how busy everything probably was with Jessa's wedding. Or maybe she didn't want a little kid using her good dishes in case Mac accidentally dropped the bowl or something. Not a big deal IMO.

I can't remember where I saw it but, Derick's brother and a bunch of other guys and I remember Joy Anna were over and they were eating off of those square dishes.

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Jill needs a new bra. Her girls certainly have grown

Her Boobs need a push

Yea it's pretty disturbing. Jill posted a picture of Mackynzie (never remember how to spell that childs name) eating fruity pebbles at her house while Josh and Anna were in town for the wedding. Of course it was in a freaking disposable bowl. I'm sorry but I'm calling BS on this big time Jilly Muffin. You have nothing to do all day, sowhy in the heck are you destroying the environment? Why do they even have that crap in their house?

Didn't she get a crap load of dishes on all those registries?

Why would she? That's just more work for her

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I'm noticing that Jill and Derick seem to be eating way more vegetarian. THat would be completely normal for someone who'd just spent two years in Nepal. I'm actually sort of glad to see Jill embracing new things with Derick.

I think Derick is going to change Jill more than she is going to change him.

Edited by Jellybeans
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She could use washable, hard plastic dishes.

While this is true, and environmentally better, sometimes you use what's there. If I have, for whatever reason, a stack of styrofoam dishes in the cabinet, that's the first choice for a kid. Can't break it, don't have to wash it, gets rid of the bowl from my stuff.

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I believe that Jill loves kids and was a great sister-mom, but it's really different having your own children. Once she holds her own daughter in her arms, will she really want her to become a sister-mom and live the way she did?

 

Not only that, but the first time she hands her six month old over to her seven or eight year old for complete care, I'm sure she'll be a little WTF - it's insane I was doing this at her age.  Maybe since she's had some medical training, she will choose to breastfeed her child for longer than six months.  Hopefully Gothard wouldn't disprove, I'm sure God would be happy, and I hope he trumps Gothard.   The best thing may be for Jill to have an army of boys - they are responsible for very little.  Since they probably don't allow a boy to see his sister's private parts, she would be responsible for any of the young daughters, should she have any.  I continue to hope that Derick knows Jill's completely drank the kool-aid, and will step in and intervene on some of the worst insanity.  Right now he seems a little love sick.

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I think Derick's influence on Jill is far greater than hers on Derick. I think we are in for some surprises. It may not happen as fast as we would like but on Duggar time, it is lightening-bolt fast.

When you bring in new spouses, i.e., Anna, Derick, and now Ben, it forces the family to change. Doesn't matter how carefully Jim Bob "screens" them.

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I'm noticing that Jill and Derick seem to be eating way more vegetarian. THat would be completely normal for someone who'd just spent two years in Nepal. I'm actually sort of glad to see Jill embracing new things with Derick.

How do we know what they eat on a regular basis unless it's shown on TV?  Seems to be mostly a lot of conjecture on certain topics, but I suppose it's fun to speculate.  Isn't there a recyclable, biodegradable form of disposable dinnerwear (not Styrofoam)?  If so, I'd be all over that myself.

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Not only that, but the first time she hands her six month old over to her seven or eight year old for complete care, I'm sure she'll be a little WTF - it's insane I was doing this at her age. Maybe since she's had some medical training, she will choose to breastfeed her child for longer than six months. Hopefully Gothard wouldn't disprove, I'm sure God would be happy, and I hope he trumps Gothard. The best thing may be for Jill to have an army of boys - they are responsible for very little. Since they probably don't allow a boy to see his sister's private parts, she would be responsible for any of the young daughters, should she have any. I continue to hope that Derick knows Jill's completely drank the kool-aid, and will step in and intervene on some of the worst insanity. Right now he seems a little love sick.

Why are they still listening to Gothard when Gothard isn't even there?

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I think Derick's influence on Jill is far greater than hers on Derick. I think we are in for some surprises. It may not happen as fast as we would like but on Duggar time, it is lightening-bolt fast.

When you bring in new spouses, i.e., Anna, Derick, and now Ben, it forces the family to change. Doesn't matter how carefully Jim Bob "screens" them.

I'm not sure whose influence will be greater, but I agree that the addition of any new spouse will change the family. The only way it wouldn't would be if the spouse's family was 100% as conservative and "isolated" as the Duggars -- then they'd view Duggar life as normal. With Derick -- we have someone who went to regular school, college, Nepal, and has a job in the outside world. He won't change Jill overnight and I'm sure he knows that, but I think there will be lots of little ways in which he'll make her realize -- you can still be Godly while doing x. I think we're already seeing it. I don't think Jill would have been up for a Broadway show with her family -- they're all in agreement that dancing is for heathens and stirs up desires. But when her Godly husband suggested a show, she went and probably realized that even after a show consisting of music and dancing -- her faith was in no way lessened and it was merely a fun activity. Same with going out for Nepali food in NYC or making some kind of squash dish that Derick likes -- in little ways she's already moving out of the mindset that "foreign" foods are gross. When it comes time for her kid to go to school in 5 years, I would be surprised if he wasn't at least going to a Christian/parochial school. She may not be down with public school, but I feel like after 5 more yrs with Derick she'll think -- look how great my man turned out with a lowly public school education -- Christian school won't hurt my son.

 

As for Josh and Anna -- they had a TV immediately after marriage, I'm guessing because Anna grew up with one and thought it was weird to be without one. Anna has gone from "OMG it's been 4 months and I'm not pregnant yet, I'm miserable" to at least partially believing -- sure we'll have more but I'm not DYING to be pregnant; because of her attitude, Josh isn't chomping at the bit to get her pregnant either. She's the one who supported him moving to DC for a job -- without her emotional support I think he would have been too scared to death to leave the only life he knew; now you can tell he's enjoying life with 3 kids and maybe 1-2 more will be enough. They together have just become more "modern" -- I mean you have Josh wearing shorts and Anna dresses Mac in shorts too.

 

Ben and Jessa -- I'm not sure if Ben went to regular school or homeschooled, but his best friend seems to be in college and he is taking online classes; he doesn't seem anti education. I totally vote that their kids will be the ones who will go to public school. I think Ben will not mind in the last and Jessa will be happy to have the kids out of the house for 6 hrs a day so she won't even want to start the charade of homeschooling. Ben wears shorts and now you have Jessa wearing low cut tops etc. I feel like Ben and Jessa together remind me of the dad from that polygamist show (my 5 wives) -- not bc of polygamy but because that dad has his faith/beliefs that he's instilling in his kids but he isn't holding his kids back either -- he has 1-2 kids in college; 3-4 daughters in their late teens/early 20s who are living in an apartment together; he runs his own successful business which seems to employ 10-20 people. I feel like he has found the balance between religious and secular, and I feel like Ben and Jessa will as well bc they will pull away from the Duggar influence (apart from the paycheck) and see how the Seewalds and Ben's friends are living their lives and emulate that.

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I think Derick's influence on Jill is far greater than hers on Derick. I think we are in for some surprises. It may not happen as fast as we would like but on Duggar time, it is lightening-bolt fast.

When you bring in new spouses, i.e., Anna, Derick, and now Ben, it forces the family to change. Doesn't matter how carefully Jim Bob "screens" them.

I think, like all couples, they're influencing each other, but Derick is on the verge of being steamrolled by the Duggars. I think he's more likely to bend to accommodate them than Ben is, especially now that Ben has won the prize. 

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How do we know what they eat on a regular basis unless it's shown on TV? Seems to be mostly a lot of conjecture on certain topics, but I suppose it's fun to speculate. Isn't there a recyclable, biodegradable form of disposable dinnerwear (not Styrofoam)? If so, I'd be all over that myself.

Jill has posted several pictures on Instagram where they're eating steamed veggies and Nepalese. And they've all been on dinner plates.

If any of the Duggar's know abt the value of nutrition, it's Jill. (I don't think Josh quite understands the medicinal side of eating healthy.)

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