Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!

[bigskygirl]

In my opinion. Derick's dad is probably rolling over in his grave over the way Derick has turned out as a husband and father.

[Marigold]

I know we have hashed this to death but Derick seems to have been raised in a regular home.  His dad looked happy and normal.  What the hell happened????????

Maybe there was trouble in the family behind closed doors?  Maybe Derick, his mother and brother really were destroyed over the dad's death?  Maybe Derick has mental health issues that surfaced around his early 20's? 

just weird, ya know? 

[ariel]

27 minutes ago, Marigold said:

I know we have hashed this to death but Derick seems to have been raised in a regular home.  His dad looked happy and normal.  What the hell happened????????

Maybe there was trouble in the family behind closed doors?  Maybe Derick, his mother and brother really were destroyed over the dad's death?  Maybe Derick has mental health issues that surfaced around his early 20's? 

just weird, ya know? 

It does seem like something weird went down in that family.  Sounds a little like "Twin Peaks".

Edited June 19, 2017 by ariel
I can't spell.

[Christina87]

I knew someone in high school who just snapped one day. He was a normal, happy guy, and in fact, I sort of had a crush on him! Then one day, suddenly he dropped out of school because he was hearing voices and was suicidal, and was institutionalize.  Ever since then, he's been in and out of institutions. When he's out, suddenly he will pop up on fb with weird writings like, "don't listen to the radio it will hear your thoughts." Obviously derrick doesn't have this level of mental illness, but this guy grew up in a normal, happy home, and was a typical kid until one day something just changed!

[bigskygirl]

Derick did seem alright when he was courting Jill, but the minute they got married and vaulted into instant parenthood he started to change in a bad way.

[riverblue22]

3 hours ago, Gemma Violet said:

Derick's dad reminds me of John Tesh.  Must be the hair.

He reminds me of a heavier Jeff Daniels.

My granddaughter is 9 months old and won't sit still for a minute.  I've no doubt she would become hysterical if someone swaddled her like that.  At that age, it's all about learning movement skills--she was sooo happy to master crawling.

[ariel]

5 minutes ago, bigskygirl said:

Derick did seem alright when he was courting Jill, but the minute they got married and vaulted into instant parenthood he started to change in a bad way.

I had high hopes for Derick.  Sadly I was proven wrong.

[riverblue22]

6 minutes ago, Christina87 said:

I knew someone in high school who just snapped one day. He was a normal, happy guy, and in fact, I sort of had a crush on him! Then one day, suddenly he dropped out of school because he was hearing voices and was suicidal, and was institutionalize.  Ever since then, he's been in and out of institutions. When he's out, suddenly he will pop up on fb with weird writings like, "don't listen to the radio it will hear your thoughts." Obviously derrick doesn't have this level of mental illness, but this guy grew up in a normal, happy home, and was a typical kid until one day something just changed!

Schizophrenia often shows up in the later teens/early twenties.  That sounds like you high school classmate.

If Derick's dad was still here, IMO none of this would have happened, especially getting Jim Bob to be his "prayer partner."
 

[Marigold]

Derick never really rebounded from that oral surgery. I really think something happened to him medically and it caused a downward spiral. 

[ariel]

1 minute ago, Marigold said:

Derick never really rebounded from that oral surgery. I really think something happened to him medically and it caused a downward spiral. 

Did he do it on cheap & use a crappy doctor?  Maybe a "good o' boy"  friend of Jim Boobs ?   

[Marigold]

1 minute ago, ariel said:

Did he do it on cheap & use a crappy doctor?  Maybe a "good o' boy"  friend of Jim Boobs ?   

You gotta wonder!  Jill posted pictures in the hospital, so we know that much.  At least he didn't have surgery in their living room. 

I wondered if he didn't have a slight stroke because his  face & eyes are so asymmetrical but then people noted that his eyes were always a bit off and his weight loss makes it more noticeable.  Derick just doesn't look healthy overall, physically or emotionally.  His posts are odd, his appearance is sketchy, he seems frustrated with Izzy and he just does not look like a happily married young man with a beautiful son and another on the way.  

We have discussed this over and over.  The only thing we can all agree on is that Derick is not well in a few areas of his life and the onset was around the birth of Izzy and his surgery. 

[OpieTaylor]

51 minutes ago, bigskygirl said:

Derick did seem alright when he was courting Jill, but the minute they got married and vaulted into instant parenthood he started to change in a bad way.

Jill talked about having bad "morning" sickness (all day long) in her first pregnancy and that she had to reassure Derick she wasn't really always sick (when not pregnant). So as soon as he married her, it sounds like she was sick and kinda miserable all the time. Doesn't sound like a good start.

I remember she also commented early in their marriage that Derick had to learn not to "joke" about everything all the time - as if his personality was getting on her nerves.

[Minivanessa]

32 minutes ago, Marigold said:

Derick never really rebounded from that oral surgery. I really think something happened to him medically and it caused a downward spiral. 

 

26 minutes ago, ariel said:

Did he do it on cheap & use a crappy doctor?  Maybe a "good o' boy"  friend of Jim Boobs ?   

I suppose it's possible he cheaped out on the surgery. But IIRC, at the time he was employed by Wal-mart and presumably had health insurance, maybe even pretty good insurance. He hadn't yet become the wholly-owned Duggar subsidiary that he is today (remember, Derick on his "missionary" trips works for SOS Ministries, and the founder/owner of SOS and Boob have some sort of relationship - SOS mentions the Duggars on its website I think going back to the 19K&C days).

[bigskygirl]

Derick may not have followed the surgeon's advice and treatment plan after surgery either. A patient cannot expect the doctor or surgeon to take care of the after procedure treatment. It was up to Derick and in some ways, Jill. If he did not follow up on treatment, it is on him. I am sure the surgeon warned him to keep up on things and post surgery care. Running off to Central America not too long after surgery was probably not a bright idea.

[humbleopinion]

Think Djerick must be on meds for his many ailments and is still suffering post op effects of his surgery that alter his common sense, rationale and judgement.

Jill is too damaged to make any decisions for herself... much less for her kids.

Motherhood is causing flashbacks to the most mentally debilitating aspects of her childhood.

Jill is only repeating what Chelle whispered to her over and over starting when she could first remember.

Jana needs to step in because she has empathy and is the most capable to do the right thing of all those dopes.

[Annb67]

Here's the thing with swaddling, some kids love it. I have two grandkids, one loved it. He instantly calmed down when he was swaddled. Second one was two minutes old and seemed to say "hell no". I have a smart DIL who didn't force it and realized every one is different.

[bigskygirl]

Derick probably is praying it away because the devil has taken over his mind and body. I mean his mom's cancer was caused by evilness and not praying and reading the bible enough instead of advanced medical treatment and the medical staff saving her.

I can understand the procedure and the aftermath causing some physical and mental changes, but oral surgery should not have caused a major change in his attitude. I think getting married and having a baby so quickly, almost losing his mother, the molestation scandal, his crazy in-laws, and being married to Miss Cling A Long Jill has caused more damage than the surgery.

[cmr2014]

4 minutes ago, OpieTaylor said:

Jill talked about having bad "morning" sickness (all day long) in her first pregnancy and that she had to reassure Derick she wasn't really always sick (when not pregnant). So as soon as he married her, it sounds like she was sick and kinda miserable all the time. Doesn't sound like a good start.

I remember she also commented early in their marriage that Derick had to learn not to "joke" about everything all the time - as if his personality was getting on her nerves.

I think that there are a a lot of factors that have led to what we see today -- I don't really think that Derick's personailty changed that radically, that quickly, but it may appear that way to us because we only see little slices of their lives.

Derick has made a LOT of bad decisions in the past couple of years, and combined with a lot of external problems have caused a lot of what we see today.

1. He contacted JB to be a prayer partner

2. He married Jill without knowing her at all. I've posted about this before, but I think that there are real problems in their marriage -- the points that OpieTaylor makes above are significant. Their "courtship" was compressed -- even by fundie standards -- and they had no real history of spending any time together -- even chaperoned -- before they got engaged and married. They didn't know each other at all, and they didn't know that they didn't really like each other and would get on each other's nerves on a day-to-day basis. They also had no history of good times together when Jill immediately got pregnant and was miserably sick for months on end. 

3. I don't know if Derick took the job at WalMart in good faith, or if he had simply promised his mother to give it a year, and always planned to blow it off. If he had planned, though, to work there while he went to school to get his credentials so that he could become a missionary, I think he was under tremendous pressure to quit. Jill and JB would have been leaning on him heavily the whole time to work for JB as Jesus intended. Having given in to that pressure and quit that job, and hope he had of being an independent adult and following the life-plan that he had laid out, was done.

4. He agreed to take the SOS job. I know nothing about missionairy work, but I can't help but think that he has done real damage to his credibility and would probably no longer be considered for a "real" missionary position through the church. If this is true, he certainly knows that there is no going back.

5. He got some kind of surgery that didn't go well. It may just be a fluke, or it may be that he waited until he quit WalMart and had no real insurance and had to get Dr. Nick to handle his surgery, but whatever happened, it wasn't good.

So, now he's a grown man with a wife who genuinely doesn't like him, and who he genuinely doesn't like, a toddler at home, and another child on the way. He wanted to be a missionary, and he thought she did, too. She assumed that he would want to work for her daddy -- because, who wouldn't -- and they would go on missioncasions every year to pass out fingernail polish. This isn't an easily solved problem, and they don't seem close to solving it. 

Honestly, I can see why he would be depressed. I'm sure he believes that marriage is forever, and that there is no way out. Everything that he does to placate Jill only causes him to be sucked deeper into the Duggar vortex. Plus, he may well be in physical pain, and the issues from the surgery can last a long time (this is my understanding from other posters, I don't know anything about this surgery).

He knows his life sucks and won't be getting better any time soon, and he knows that his problems were caused by his own bad decisions. But, wait, God spoke to him and told him to make those decisions, and God is never wrong, so the decisions must be right, so there must be a "purpose" behind all this -- right?

[ariel]

36 minutes ago, Jeeves said:

 

I suppose it's possible he cheaped out on the surgery. But IIRC, at the time he was employed by Wal-mart and presumably had health insurance, maybe even pretty good insurance. 

Does Walmart offer good insurance to their employees?  I have heard that it is a terrible company to work for.

[Arwen Evenstar]

7 minutes ago, ariel said:

Does Walmart offer good insurance to their employees?  I have heard that it is a terrible company to work for.

I think if you work at the corporate level, those are full time positions.  Those at the associate level who work in the stores, maybe not.  One of my friends worked in one of the stores, and she was prevented from working less than 30 hours a week, so she couldn't get benefits.  This was a common and deliberate practice.

[ariel]

1 minute ago, Arwen Evenstar said:

I think if you work at the corporate level, those are full time positions.  Those at the associate level who work in the stores, maybe not.  One of my friends worked in one of the stores, and she was prevented from working less than 30 hours a week, so she couldn't get benefits.  This was a common and deliberate practice.

I've heard stories like that too.  If you want to work retail & be treated right, Costco is the place to go.

[awaken]

So which ones of you wrote some of those responses to Jill's instagram post?

[lianau]

2 hours ago, Marigold said:

I know we have hashed this to death but Derick seems to have been raised in a regular home.  His dad looked happy and normal.  What the hell happened????????

Maybe there was trouble in the family behind closed doors?  Maybe Derick, his mother and brother really were destroyed over the dad's death?  Maybe Derick has mental health issues that surfaced around his early 20's? 

just weird, ya know? 

I think Derick lost his Dad right at the moment when he was becoming an adult and he still needed a male  parental figure  to figure out how to adult  . Insert Boob and the cult and you'll end up with the current disaster.

 

2 hours ago, bigskygirl said:

Derick did seem alright when he was courting Jill, but the minute they got married and vaulted into instant parenthood he started to change in a bad way.

After their wedding  Derick realized that he married a grown up child  who can't form  a single independent thought and can't be left alone for more than 5 minutes, kind of like a puppy-just not as cute. 

[Marigold]

6 minutes ago, lianau said:

I think Derick lost his Dad right at the moment when he was becoming an adult and he still needed a male  parental figure  to figure out how to adult  . Insert Boob and the cult and you'll end up with the current disaster.

 

After their wedding  Derick realized that he married a grown up child  who can't form  a single independent thought and can't be left alone for more than 5 minutes, kind of like a puppy-just not as cute. 

Definitely.

Plus, Derick had two children to deal with the minute after he had surgery.  Silly Jilly and infant Israel.  Major buyer's remorse. 

[emmelpee]

.

Edited June 19, 2017 by emmelpee
dang - gotta read to make sure someone doesn't have the same reply I do one post later...

[Marigold]

Don't forget Derick couldn't get commissioned as a Southern Baptist Missionary because Jill was lacking a college degree.  Derick got stuck with some chump group like SOS.  That HAS to be very depressing and also embarrassing, assuming this was a life goal of his. 

I do believe that Jill really thought she wanted to be a missionary.  She enjoyed those SOS trips and was the one who sobbed when she couldn't bring all the children home with her.  Once she actually had to live there, she hated it.  So Derick is now stuck with a wife who is not a happy missionary with a group (SOS) that he never intended to work with.  That has to suck.  Big Time. 

Out of Derick, Ben and Jeremy, Derick drew the short straw.  

[cmr2014]

22 minutes ago, lianau said:

I think Derick lost his Dad right at the moment when he was becoming an adult and he still needed a male  parental figure  to figure out how to adult  . Insert Boob and the cult and you'll end up with the current disaster.

 

After their wedding  Derick realized that he married a grown up child  who can't form  a single independent thought and can't be left alone for more than 5 minutes, kind of like a puppy-just not as cute. 

 

7 minutes ago, Marigold said:

Definitely.

Plus, Derick had two children to deal with the minute after he had surgery.  Silly Jilly and infant Israel.  Major buyer's remorse. 

 

I think that "buyer's remorse" is the perfect term. I think that Derick was probably not very successful with girls, and I think that Jill was the "homely daughter" and was resigned to being a SAHD, and they were both really excited to meet someone who seemed interested. Add to that, that they both wanted to be "missionaries" and it seemed like a perfect match. At best, it was infatuation, but the bloom was off the rose within a very short time, and here we are . . .

[ariel]

29 minutes ago, lianau said:

I think Derick lost his Dad right at the moment when he was becoming an adult and he still needed a male  parental figure  to figure out how to adult  . Insert Boob and the cult and you'll end up with the current disaster.

 

 

Their are a lot of guys who have lost their fathers at an early age & were raised by strong women.  They didn't become looney like Derick.  I speak from experience because Mr Ariel is one of them. 

[Catfin]

Percentage-wise, some of the kids are gay and some will divorce. (1:6 in my family of origin, expecting divorce #2 to be filed once  their youngest finishes college). 

The Duggars will not escape this reality. What does divorce look like in the fundy world? Does authority transfer back to pops? Does custody go to dad or mom? I know divorce is frowned upon, but there has to be some precedent. 

Edited June 19, 2017 by Catfin
Fundy autocorrected to "funny." Hah!

[Marigold]

8 minutes ago, ariel said:

Their are a lot of guys who have lost their fathers at an early age & were raised by strong women.  They didn't become looney like Derick.  I speak from experience because Mr Ariel is one of them. 

i agree with you! 

I think Derick was probably very emotionally fragile/delicate to begin with...the death of his father really pulled him under. 

[Tabbygirl521]

On 4/30/2017 at 1:21 PM, Sew Sumi said:

Slight correction: In Touch broke on Thursday 5/21. We were on vacation, at Starbucks on our way home when I read an about it on my phone. So, two days after the last episode aired. TLC pulled repeats (they had just aired the season finale) on Friday 5/22. Remember, TLC aired repeats on weekday mornings before that plug was pulled. 

Horrible that Meredith shares her birthday with the official cancellation date, which explains why her birth wasn't announced until a few days later. 

I wonder how accurate the rumor is that Anna will no longer appear on the show. Will they flash light her out of Joy's wedding party like they did with Smuggar when JinJer departed from their reception? Or will Anna be excluded from the wedding party? She wasn't in Jessa's wedding, so there is precedent.

I have to pile on this to agree about May 21, because that's my birthday, too, and I distinctly remember getting the news while with my mom and sis that day. 

[mythoughtis]

The death of his father seems never far from his mind....even 9 years later, which is almost 1/3 of his entire life. On the other hand, he was independent enough to go to Nepal for two years.   I think what we see is the real Derick.  He had shaggy hair in Nepal, but cut it off short when he came home to  corporate America. He seems to like Danger America since he keeps dragging his family back there. I think he meant it when he said he wanted to be a missionary . Period. 

[Sew Sumi]

4 minutes ago, Tabbygirl521 said:

I have to pile on this to agree about May 21, because that's my birthday, too, and I distinctly remember getting the news while with my mom and sis that day. 

I was corrected back, reminded that In Touch broke with an article on the 19th but posted the actual police report on the 21st. 

Edited June 19, 2017 by Sew Sumi

[ariel]

I'm wondering if after Derick's fathers death he was offered any kind of professional (not fundy)  grief counseling?  Wasn't his mother still a mainstream Christian at that time?

[sometimesy]

18 minutes ago, ariel said:

Their are a lot of guys who have lost their fathers at an early age & were raised by strong women.  They didn't become looney like Derick.  I speak from experience because Mr Ariel is one of them. 

I think Derp was looking for a father figure and he grabbed JB. Jill cries at everything so moving to DA is just another thing. It's her manipulation tool. 

Maybe they should be grateful to God. How about the trips they've taken around the US, the tv show they make $, the donors who give their hard earned money with complete trust, the large house they live in, the vehicles, free maid service, close proximity to the TTH so Jill can sit on her butt while her little sisters care for her child and cook them lunch, babysitting service at the drop of a hat, a mother in law who will take their child off their hands for a weekend, Derps education, healthy child, the opportunities to see things and travel the world (Jill), the fans on Instagram who prop them up every day.

They are the biggest drag on tv. Dull and arrogant. I'm not moved by these people and their poor parenting skill anymore than I feel for Mechelle handing off her responsibilities when she became overwhelmed, yet continuing to breed. Jill and Derick need to focus on the child. They believe their relationship is the most important, we see this a lot in fundies (Rods for example), but that doesn't mean abandoning the needs of the children. 

[Sew Sumi]

6 minutes ago, ariel said:

I'm wondering if after Derick's fathers death he was offered any kind of professional (not fundy)  grief counseling?  Wasn't his mother still a mainstream Christian at that time?

He could have also received counseling through the university mental health services or even Cross Church. He had a lot of options, but did he choose to avail himself of them, or did he just try to pray away the pain? We know what the answer is NOW, but that was 10 years ago. 

[ariel]

2 minutes ago, Sew Sumi said:

He could have also received counseling through the university mental health services or even Cross Church. 

I remember when I was in college many, many moons ago, there was free counseling through my university for such issues.

[Sew Sumi]

Same. OSU is a big school. I'm sure his RA would have at least provided him the information. 

However, Derick seems to internalize stuff a lot, then lash out with nonsense that's been perculating in his head when he feels attacked. He might not have talked to anyone about his father's death outside of his immediate family. And by "immediate," I mean *maybe* Cathy - who was going through her own struggle - but most likely his brother. Realistically, that and prayer is proabably all he did to deal with the loss. 

[ginger90]

Derick's oral health has probably played a part in his life for a long time. That need for surgery didn't just happen one day. As we all know, dental problems can screw up the rest of our bodies. I do believe there's much more at play with Derick though. I do agree, his post-op care was probably lacking. He could have had an infection, etc.. 

I had eye surgery recently. I was "awake" for it, as I assume Derick was. Before I went, I paid my cell phone bill because I thought I might forget it was due two days after. So, what did I do two days later? I paid it again, forgetting I already had! 

[Churchhoney]

13 hours ago, Marigold said:

I think Derick has mental health issues and so does Jill.  Derick knows his dad was a good dad but does not have the skills to get himself to that "good father" place.  He just can't get it together. 

Those two make me nervous.

The Duggars are just extremely lucky that nothing has happened yet. 

Unfortunately, they think they're not lucky but blessed because they're so marvelous. 

[Annb67]

7 hours ago, sometimesy said:

I think Derp was looking for a father figure and he grabbed JB. Jill cries at everything so moving to DA is just another thing. It's her manipulation tool. 

Maybe they should be grateful to God. How about the trips they've taken around the US, the tv show they make $, the donors who give their hard earned money with complete trust, the large house they live in, the vehicles, free maid service, close proximity to the TTH so Jill can sit on her butt while her little sisters care for her child and cook them lunch, babysitting service at the drop of a hat, a mother in law who will take their child off their hands for a weekend, Derps education, healthy child, the opportunities to see things and travel the world (Jill), the fans on Instagram who prop them up every day.

They are the biggest drag on tv. Dull and arrogant. I'm not moved by these people and their poor parenting skill anymore than I feel for Mechelle handing off her responsibilities when she became overwhelmed, yet continuing to breed. Jill and Derick need to focus on the child. They believe their relationship is the most important, we see this a lot in fundies (Rods for example), but that doesn't mean abandoning the needs of the children. 

Interestingly enough Jill posted a big old horse smiling picture while her hubby was semi-conscious recovering from surgery. Girl looked rested and fresh as a daisy. However, falling shower curtains, having HER wisdom teeth and and donating blood send her into a flood of years. Jill is a manipulative self serving brat.

[Mollie]

15 minutes ago, Annb67 said:

Jill is a manipulative self serving brat.

I guess that's what Izzy inherited from Jill.  LOL

[Adeejay]

10 hours ago, cmr2014 said:

He married Jill without knowing her at all. I've posted about this before, but I think that there are real problems in their marriage -- the points that OpieTaylor makes above are significant. Their "courtship" was compressed -- even by fundie standards -- and they had no real history of spending any time together -- even chaperoned -- before they got engaged and married. They didn't know each other at all, and they didn't know that they didn't really like each other and would get on each other's nerves on a day-to-day basis.

Right after they’d gotten married, Derick said in a TH that it was strange to go from never being alone with someone to sharing a bed with them.  That comment caught my attention, because he was basically acknowledging that he was married to a someone he really didn't know.  I've always wondered how Jill felt when she heard that.  

[BitterApple]

13 hours ago, Marigold said:

Derick never really rebounded from that oral surgery. I really think something happened to him medically and it caused a downward spiral. 

I imagine the weight loss and chronic pain took a toll on him. I also wonder if the Duggars were the ones who pushed him to have the surgery and he blames them for having a botched procedure. Derick appeared reasonably healthy before Jill and now he's a walking disaster.

[louannems]

4 hours ago, ginger90 said:

Derick's oral health has probably played a part in his life for a long time. That need for surgery didn't just happen one day. As we all know, dental problems can screw up the rest of our bodies. I do believe there's much more at play with Derick though. I do agree, his post-op care was probably lacking. He could have had an infection, etc.. 

I had eye surgery recently. I was "awake" for it, as I assume Derick was. Before I went, I paid my cell phone bill because I thought I might forget it was due two days after. So, what did I do two days later? I paid it again, forgetting I already had! 

I don't think Derick was awake during his oral surgery.  The post-op pic Jill posted clearly showed him intubated, still on the ventilator.

[Summer]

2 hours ago, Adeejay said:

12 hours ago, cmr2014 said:

He married Jill without knowing her at all. I've posted about this before, but I think that there are real problems in their marriage -- the points that OpieTaylor makes above are significant. Their "courtship" was compressed -- even by fundie standards -- and they had no real history of spending any time together -- even chaperoned -- before they got engaged and married. They didn't know each other at all, and they didn't know that they didn't really like each other and would get on each other's nerves on a day-to-day basis.

Exactly!  I, too, have posted about how these kids, and, really, that's what they are, kids, marry essentially a complete stranger.  The Duggar "courtship" pisses me off to no end, with those stupid side hugs, chaperones, etc. they are forced to get to know each other AFTER they're married, it's just awful!  If they took the time to date like normal young people, I highly doubt anything of them would be married now.  

Edited June 19, 2017 by Summer

[JennyMominFL]

37 minutes ago, louannems said:

I don't think Derick was awake during his oral surgery.  The post-op pic Jill posted clearly showed him intubated, still on the ventilator.

Sound like a pretty serious surgery to be put on a vent.

[humbleopinion]

Was it a LeFort 1?

[JoanArc]

38 minutes ago, louannems said:

I don't think Derick was awake during his oral surgery.  The post-op pic Jill posted clearly showed him intubated, still on the ventilator.

FWIW is he unconscious, but I don't think he was on a vent. Jill is, however, the type of medical idiot to take a smiling selfie in ICU.

[Marigold]

That post op selfie was so shocking to anyone with common sense and compassion.