S05.E16: Skeletons In The Closet

[Tara Ariano]

Before leaving on a month-long business trip, Farrah has a last-minute change of heart on who should watch Sophia; Maci and Ryan celebrate Bentley's birthday; Catelynn has post-wedding depression.

[SPLAIN]

 

Catelynn has post-wedding depression.

Oh God. What now?

 

 

Farrah has a last-minute change of heart on who should watch Sophia

Again?

[FozzyBear]

Perhaps Cait has started to come to terms with who she married.

[NikSac]

Again?

 

Lol that was my EXACT response! Not even sure I want to hear all the involved BS arguing, but who am I kidding, I'll watch.

[politichick]

Oh God. What now?

 

Again?

She's probably all depressed about having spent her very special day with Carly and then having to go home without her. ESPECIALLY with Butch et al who are probably going on and on about having seen her, how adorbs she is, etc. Caitlyn needs to start growing up and focus on the daughter she actually has. If I were B&T, there would not be another visit or phone call or picture until this chick began some intensive therapy. Cait and Tyler are in some dangerously deep denial.

[langway]

She's probably all depressed about having spent her very special day with Carly and then having to go home without her. ESPECIALLY with Butch et al who are probably going on and on about having seen her, how adorbs she is, etc. Caitlyn needs to start growing up and focus on the daughter she actually has. If I were B&T, there would not be another visit or phone call or picture until this chick began some intensive therapy. Cait and Tyler are in some dangerously deep denial.

She should have been in legitimate counseling from the moment she decided on adoption. I thought that's usually what happens and counseling continued until a few months after birth. God knows Catelynn could have benefited from it with all the shit that was being spewed at her by her mother and step father every fucking day.

I will never not get over that shit. That was tough for me to even watch, couldn't imagine living it.

[butterbody]

Amber has never committed to anything in her life, and she wears her year with Matt like a badge of honor. Of course, this timeline changes depending on who she's talking to. Once it's a year, other times, a year and a half, and in a miraculous feat of time travel, last week I heard her say she'd known Matt for 3 years. And of course, Matt has had that heinous Amber tattoo "forever".

It just stabs me every time she says "a YEAR" like she's achieved #relationshipgoals.

[Elizabeth9]

She committed to prison...

[NikSac]

She committed to prison...

 

Only because she couldn't pull off her commitment to rehab. But, true.

[SPLAIN]

Can someone explain how it was Matt came to meet Amber?  I know he was stalking the girls from the show, but how did Amber connect with him? Was it Instagram or Twitter? I am confused as to how Amber came to notice his posts. With all the fanatics these girls have on their social media pages how does Matt get Amber's attention? I am sure there are lots of guys who follow these girls.

[CofCinci]

Can someone explain how it was Matt came to meet Amber?  I know he was stalking the girls from the show, but how did Amber connect with him? Was it Instagram or Twitter? I am confused as to how Amber came to notice his posts. With all the fanatics these girls have on their social media pages how does Matt get Amber's attention? I am sure there are lots of guys who follow these girls.

From his interview with Starcasm:

After half a year of talking online, Matt visited Amber in Indiana — even though neither of them expected a romance would come of it.

[luvly]

After half a year of talking online, Matt visited Amber in Indiana — even though neither of them expected a romance would come of it.

 

Words cannot express how ugly the snort that just came out of me was. 

[Madison Bumgarner]

I can't stop laughing at Ryan mocking Maci and Jen's conversation. She was TOTALLY looking for Jen to watch her. "I really don't want to take her. Like I don't know if it's a long wedding or a short wedding." She has NO business ever getting angry at Ryan now.

[Spacecow]

Of fucking course Maci got another dog. Love how she just pawned her baby off on Mimi Jen. She legit rolled up in there like "Yeah I actually don't want to take my baby..... so....." Jayde is nothing more than a prop to her. Maci is SOOOOO not over Ryan. When he was holding Jayde at the birthday party she basically had hearts in her eyes like a damn cartoon. Speaking of the birthday party, it was good seeing Ryan awake, alert, and paying attention to his son for once. 

 

Farrah actually looked somewhat human when she didn't have her usual 40 pounds of makeup on. Did she really put her parents through all that shit just to decide that Debra could watch Sophia after all? Fucking useless drama. This may be a somewhat obscure reference but Michael looks just like Bottles the Mole from the old video game Banjo Kazooie with those giant glasses. 

 

Baby Emilee is so fucking cute. I love bald, fat babies wearing huge headbands. We need to see more of her and less of basically everyone else involved in this shitfest. 

[TexasGal]

Amber: "You don't have anything to say?"

Matt: (crickets)

Me: throwing stuff at the teevee. "Just say it's not true!! She's gonna buy it regardless!"

[ClassyCourtHeels]

Matt actually reportedly has 8 kids now. Someone interviewed a baby momma. She had interesting things to say on the ashley.

Edited February 2, 2016 by ClassyCourtHeels

[WhosThatGirl]

So, apparently Tyler's  nightmare is being a person? The hell? Also, maybe it's just me, but he doesn't have a monotonous life. At least to me, it's less monotonous than the regular americans who do the whole 8-6 or whatever time they have to go to work instead of, you know, being on a reality tv show. I can't believe that Tyler is probably going to get a book deal because he is on this show and therefore semi-famous and that will make publishers want to buy his book. Ugh. 

 

I love Farrah for her "Everyone is going behind my back and I do NOT like it". It's unintentionally hilarious. I wish these people weren't real people, because I can't fathom human beings who act like this family. Also, I'm pretty sure this stuff is going to show up on some  20/20 episode with Sophia in the future. You people can speculate on many reasons why she would end up on a 20/20 episode because there are many. 

 

Whenever Bentley is happy and Ryan and Maci aren't fighting, I have a warm feeling in my heart, when these two can act like adults or at least civil.  Also, these are the moments in which I love Ryan sometimes. Him knowing Maci's number about asking Ryan's mom to watch Jayde and him at the birthday party.

 

Oh.. Amber.. he's a guy you met on Twitter. 

Edited February 2, 2016 by WhosThatGirl

[Brooklynista]

Gary just dropped the mic and walked off the stage with that move. In yo face Matt!

Yowza! That was a wicked side eye Amber gave Matt in that car. Ouch

"You not gonna say nothing? Nothing huh? Nothing at all?"

I'm thinking Gary is ahead on the scoreboards with that move. I'm sure a part of it was to hurt Amber but I'm hoping a bigger part for him was to protect Leah. Amber really doesn't have a good track record with men and as a Poppa Bear Gary is right to do all he can to protect Leah from the creepers Amber brings around.

I'm curious to see how Matt taps Amber in the head to spin the anger at Gary and away from him being a deadbeat.

Edited February 2, 2016 by Brooklynista

[Madison Bumgarner]

Really at Matt calling Gary a phony bastard. Says the guy with 8 kids who didn't tell his fiance.

[ClassyCourtHeels]

Gary doing that in the manner he did was a complete dick move. He took a lot of pleasure in it.

But it was entertaining and funny as hell, so I won't hold it against him. I hope he did it for reasons other than to embarrass her, and protect his kid from this creeper.

Glad to see Tyler's mom calling him out.

Farrah looked way, way better without all that make up.

Edited February 2, 2016 by ClassyCourtHeels

[Brooklynista]

And now Tyler is questioning Cate's parenting. She'll never be good enough for him.

Oh Amber. This is so awkward. Is Matt going to say if the kids are his or not? Or...is he just gonna sit on that couch like a kid waiting to see if his mom can tell he forged his report card?

[langway]

Lol at Matt going off on Heather. She's not the one to blame, bro. I do feel kinda bad for Amber though. When there are large age gaps, there is a lot of manipulation involved. Sure she's 25, but it still happens. She was vulnerable when Matt reeled her in, so to speak.

[WhosThatGirl]

Tyler was all, "Let me help, let me help, wait..no nevermind". Also, now I feel bad for Amber but then I remember in real time, I think she's still with Matt, so..

[ClassyCourtHeels]

Interested to see Amber looking like a tard on the after show. She's such a dumbass.

[langway]

Tyler was all, "Let me help, let me help, wait..no nevermind".

Right wtf he should be helping anyways, good lord.

[Spacecow]

Matt was pretty scary when he was yelling at the producer. I remember when he punched that wall last season too. The man is both creepy and terrifying and if I was Gary I would not be able to relax whenever Leah was within 500 feet of him. Everyone is coddling Amber on the After Show right now. I'm calling bullshit on everything she's saying and I wish the people around her didn't treat her with kid gloves.

[LonelyTown]

My favorite part was Maci pawning her baby girl off on Ryan's mom. Appalling.

[Brooklynista]

So instead of becoming an astronaut or law enforcement officer or going into social working, Tyler has decided he's destined to be a writer.

He was the one who barely finished high school right? Oh, ok then.

I'm not sure if Catelynn is suffering with PPD or suffering with a useless ass husband who only likes to play super daddy for likes on Instagram but can't be bothered when there's no camera.

Edited February 2, 2016 by Brooklynista

[ivgotspirit02]

I can't stop laughing at Ryan mocking Maci and Jen's conversation. She was TOTALLY looking for Jen to watch her. "I really don't want to take her. Like I don't know if it's a long wedding or a short wedding." She has NO business ever getting angry at Ryan now.

I was dying. That was hilarious. Maci was so transparent.

Cate is leaving Nova with her mom 2+ nights a week? First of all, while April seems to be doing better, I would have a hard time trusting her. And second of all, I'm a stay at home mom of two so I know how important it is to have a break and how it's much needed but that just seems so excessive. I would miss my kids too much. I felt bad for Cate, it was so clear she was dealing with some PPD.

[JustDuckie]

NONE of these "parents" have a clue as to how to parent. My word. All of them should be case studies in how NOT to raise a child. It should be a requirement for these OG's that for every decision they make, they must actually do the opposite. 

[poeticlicensed]

I have decided that the fighting between Farrah and her parents is her idea of a storyline. She has no relationship, they can't highlight her "career", so the only part of her life where they can stir up drama is fights with Debra and Michael. Everything is fake about their fighting, and their BS counseling session, at the end of which everything with Debra is just fine. I think they are all in on it together. 

 

The rest of the episode was perfect, from Kim calling out Tyler for sitting on his ass all day, to Maci pawning off her kid on Jen to Gary's epic takedown of Matt and Amber. Yes, Gary is a shit, but holy hell, 8 kids. And the women are all lying? Ugh. 

 

Bintlee sure does love his grandparents. I loved when he went over to Jen and whispered that he wanted to spend the night at her house. And Ryan sure does see through Maci. 

 

Tyler has zero ambition. Zero. 

[Magoo]

I'm back watching this trainwreck after several years away so this may have been asked already, but why does Sophia speak like she's inhaled two balloons worth of helium?

[ClassyCourtHeels]

I'm back watching this trainwreck after several years away so this may have been asked already, but why does Sophia speak like she's inhaled two balloons worth of helium?

I would guess because the two women in her life talk like that as well as grown ass adults.

[JustDuckie]

I'm back watching this trainwreck after several years away so this may have been asked already, but why does Sophia speak like she's inhaled two balloons worth of helium?

I think it's because she is mimicking the way Farrah and Debra talk to her. It's not cute and certainly not appropriate for a 6 year old to not have a clear speaking voice. And another thing, can these girls stop with the constant "BooBoo" "Booger" "BooBear". Ugh, it's grating. Move them out of the crib and into the next phase of childhood. Yeesh.

[chuckity]

While I don't think Maci still wants Ryan in a romantic way - but I do think she was very pleasantly surprised (shocked?) that Ryan picked up her daughter so easily.

 

While I don't agree with 99.9% of the shit that Ryan does - or doesn't do, because honestly, he doesn't do much - but I hope he continues to treat Bintlee's sister so sweetly.  Because it's simply the right thing to do - kids can never have enough people to love on them.

[Mischievious]

So many thoughts in my head they are all jumbled together. I'll probably post several times as they slowly become coherent.

First, can we post about the after show here?

The silence following Amber asking Matt if he had nothing to say was quite telling. Also? Matt yelling at Heather to stay out of HIS house? Um, nope. Isn't it Amber's house? Or did they go get a new house once he moved in?

Wow! Cate! She even had a blanket and was laying down in therapy. Sheesh. But loved seeing her riding a bike with Nova. And Tyler with the rollerblades. Hehehe

Ryan was a winner this episode. And Bently was too cute.

[pheebs]

My lol moment of the night? When Ambien and her cousin Crystalmeth were getting mani-pedis and the salon worker was feeding questions about Matt. Amber answered one of her questions with, and I paraphrase,"I know I don't want someone to be with me just because I'm on TV... And Crystal looked straight into the camera whilst cheesing out. Well played.

Edited February 2, 2016 by pheebs

[ChaoticHeart]

Nova is being left with April 2-3 days/nights a week?! I'm sorry, but are Catelynn and Tyler fucking morons?

First off, they are both unemployed. I have a 10 month old son, and I am a nurse that works the midnight shift, and I still would never consider dumping my kid off for 2-3 nights because "I need a break." Welcome to motherhood, Catelynn. Your days of getting breaks and being shoved up Tyler's ass should be over!

Secondly, I would NEVER allow a person like April to watch my child. Period. I don't care if she's "changed". All I can picture is her smoking cigarettes and blowing the smoke in poor Nova's face and telling her what a bitch her mother is for giving up Carly.

Amber, you're a stupid fool. Matt is creepy and a jerk.

Maci looked like she wanted to jump Ryan's bones right there in the bowling alley. Loved Ryan holding little Jayde, and Bentley is cute as always. I love Jen and Larry. Always have. Jen has the sweetest voice/southern accent.

Farrah you still have the UGLIEST cry face. All the surgery you've had didn't help with that. Sophia is annoying and acts like a 3 year old.

[Maharincess]

Am I the only one who is creeped out when Debra calls Farrah "baby"? It just sounds creepy as hell to me.

Why does Farrah think watching her demon is some prize that people have to be worthy of? If I were her parents I would have told her to fuck off and find somebody else to watch the kid (for free) while she's on her"business trip to the UK".

Did Kim really call Nova "it"? She said something like "you don't have the baby as much as you should have it".

Does anybody on this show know proper grammar? The incorrect usage of doesn't/don't and the double negatives from everybody drives me crazy.

Edited to say that I think Gary did the right thing in regards to Amber. He consulted his attorney first to see how he should handle it and from what the attorney said, Gary has said good things to her about Amber. She mentioned that Gary had said Amber was doing well and that Leah enjoyed her time with Amber.

Gary also looked genuinely concerned when he was speaking to his lawyer.

Edited February 2, 2016 by Maharincess

[anarchyangel84]

Matt actually reportedly has 8 kids now. Someone interviewed a baby momma. She had interesting things to say on the ashley.

If anyone wants to read more about this, here's the link::

http://heavy.com/entertainment/2016/02/matt-baier-amber-portwood-fiance-kids-children-baby-mama-how-many-kelli-nunn-does-have/

______________________________

Yea Ty doesn't seem like the type of person that could sit down & write a book. He doesn't have much of an attention span. (Neither do I though.) If that's what he really wants to do, now is the time to do it. While he still has the Teen Mom "fame".

GrrrrAaaaaarrrrrrrrFarrrraaahhhh!!!!!!

Sorry, she seems to bring that out in me. I love how she calls her Dad Michael. Till she needs something from him. This bitch is batshit crazy. One day, we're gonna see her have some kind of Brittney-like breakdown.

I know that Debra is a little annoying at times, but she's not as bad as Farrah makes her out to be!! The way she treats her Mom is worse than Jenelle treats Barbara.

When she was talking to "Michael" like she was, I really wanted him to tell her to find someone else to watch the little troll doll & f*ck off! Every time she says the words, "Negative attitude", I want to go find her & show her my negative attitude! Why did she go to England? Is she going international with her porn career?

It was definitely nice to see Ryan play with Bentley on his birthday. He's so cute! (Bentley- not Ryan.)

I don't think that Ryan is necessarily a bad guy. Some people are good with kids & some people aren't. He's not. I was hoping that he'd come around eventually.....kind of like Adam (Chelsea's ex) did. I'm hoping that's what this is, but I'm not gonna hold my breath.

After Gary gave her those papers and she & Matt were on their way home, you could actually SEE him trying to figure out what he was gonna say. Then he got really mad- trying to make Gary the bad guy. Before they even got to Gary's, Matt called Gary a name & I didn't like that because Leah was in the car. (She's cute too.)

I prolly said this before- but as lazy & immature as Amber can be, she deserved someone so much better. I don't know him personally. But I from what I saw on TV, I tried to like him & give him the benefit of the doubt. It's clear now that he is there for one thing. So he doesn't have to work. It's sad- because Amber wants someone to love her so bad, she's blind to the red flags that are flying up all around her. I really hope she sees them before she ends up pregnant by the guy & he leaves. That would crush her & I don't want to see that happen.

I'm definitely anxious to see how all this plays out with them. Gary's lawyer said she needed to check to see if the info he found on Matt was true. Unfortunately, I doubt Amber would believe anything that comes from Gary or his lawyer. I wish someone she trusted would find out the truth for her. IMO, Gary will probably try to dig up dirt on anyone Amber decided to be with & it doesn't only have to do with Leah.

[admiralrodcocker]

Tyler is such a piece of shit lump. Even Butch was giving him side-eye when he was coming up with every excuse to sit on his lazy ass all day.

[Maharincess]

Matt calls Gary a phony bastard with Leah in the back seat and Amber doesn't tell him to shut the hell up? Yeah Amber, you're an awesome mom letting that asshole talk shit about the only stable person in Leah's life.

I dislike these people more and more with each episode. I think I'm too old for this nonsense.

anarchyangel84, Farrah went to the UK to do their Big Brother show.

Edited February 2, 2016 by Maharincess

[WhosThatGirl]

I said it earlier, Tyler's issues of being a person are a nightmare to him- he said those words "going to work every day.. that's just my nightmare". His life is too much of the same thing everyday? I still don't know what the hell he is talking about. regular people do the same thing everyday; he's on a tv show, where he gets perks and doesn't deal with an everyday grind. What was he talking about? Also, hi, he just got married like 5 seconds ago and aren't they going on a honeymoon soon? His life is anything but the daily grind, I don't know how Cate puts up with this crap. Also, he probably has already a book deal inked because he is on this show. 

Edited February 2, 2016 by WhosThatGirl

[Maharincess]

The After Show was pretty funny, they played a game to see how well they knew their men.

All they had to do was ask Amber how many kids her man had and she would have lost.

When is the After Show filmed? Amber was acting like she still didn't know how many kids the old leech has.

[luvly]

I'm not done watching the episode yet, but can we talk about how beyond fucking creepy it is that Ryan asked Bentley if he was going to "hook up with his sister's little friends when she gets older? When they're 18 and just graduated high school and looking all young." It's already obnoxious when Maci repeatedly asks Bentley if he's got any girlfriends but sexualizing an infant's hypothetical future friends for your 7 year old son in a whole other level. Although, he was a grown ass 20 year old man when he knocked up a 16 year old Maci so maybe I shouldn't be surprised. Congrats for making this theoretical future conquest of your son's an adult, I guess.

[poopchute]

I'm confused about Kim encouraging Tyler to be a writer. She brought that up in the context of what he wanted to do as a career. Does she think he is going to write multiple books and get them published?! At best he can pump out one stupid book about this stupid show but how many people even buy that? I know a few of the girls "wrote" books but obviously they are not planning on living off the money made from one shitty book for the rest of their lives. I don't see how maybe writing one book is a plan for the future?

[CofCinci]

How many careers will Tyler cycle through? Social worker, inspirational speaker, model, actor, director, reality tv star, house restoration, and now "writer". Just like his father, he has no work ethic and wants the easy way out. If he didn't have a TV series, he'd probably be in a cell next to Butch.

[WhosThatGirl]

Well, according to the aftershow, Cate says Tyler is a "Great writer" and then the host and Amber and Maci talked endlessly about how wonderful his vows were so they know he is a good writer. 

[poeticlicensed]

If Tyler wants to be a writer, he certainly has the means to study writing, so why not do that? At least it would get him off his ass and a writing curriculum would show him whether its something he has a talent for, as well as the mindset. Just getting up and jotting down random thoughts is not being an author. It's research, it's discipline. If you listen to prolific writers, they treat their writing as a job, and devote hours per day to it. 

 

I feel a little sorry for Amber. She comes from a dysfunctional family and her relationships have always been a mess because she has never been exposed to a good model. As much as she talks about being a TV star, she doesn't do what real stars do, which is protect themselves from predatory people. Like Matt. I mean, she met him on Twitter, what the hell? And she looks at the other TMs and in her eyes, they all have,  great relationships new babies, etc and she wants that for herself. Cate is naive, but I would love to get Maci in a room without cameras and ask her what she and Taylor think of Matt. She might be lazy, but she's not stupid. I think she feels bad for Amber, but I doubt that she really thinks that a 44 year old guy who has 8 kids, doesn't work and uses Twitter to find women is a good catch. 

Edited February 2, 2016 by poeticlicensed

[alexa]

I'm confused about Kim encouraging Tyler to be a writer. She brought that up in the context of what he wanted to do as a career. Does she think he is going to write multiple books and get them published?! At best he can pump out one stupid book about this stupid show but how many people even buy that? I know a few of the girls "wrote" books but obviously they are not planning on living off the money made from one shitty book for the rest of their lives. I don't see how maybe writing one book is a plan for the future?

I am not standing up for her encouragement, because I think he and Catelynn are so lazy, but I think his mom was just trying to get him to do something, anything, but just sit around on his butt.  She sees him have no normal career, and sees that he doesn't notice his child is missing 2-3 days a week while he is sitting on his butt.  So if she can encourage him to do something, perhaps that will bring motivation, and at the very least some money for their future?  Again, these aren't normal people we are dealing with here...

 

I left this episode just freaked out...omg.  I really felt for Amber and the awkwardness of her guy just sitting there while she is saying, "if it is true, if he is lying, etc".  That was just too weird and spoke louder than any words he could speak.  I thought Gary handled it well.  He did mull it over, go to his attorney, etc, and I think he knew Amber wouldn't listen well regardless if there were cameras or not...plus they are on TM, so it isn't like the media isn't going to find out at some point if he can find these records.

 

Tyler and Catelynn annoy me so much.  After all of this Carly talk, you would think they would love to be parents, until the reality of parenting shows up at their door in the form of Nova.  Oh, it is actually work...we don't just get to sit and play and do what we want all of the time.  And for Catelynn to volunteer to be a SAHM, and then dump off her child half the week just pisses me off.  Then go get a job, and get a break that way.  Sometimes people aren't meant to be a SAHM, and that is okay.  I just think they are showing Brandon and Theresa why it is a very good thing Carly is with them and not C & T.  For Tyler, to be like, oh, I guess you are right, mom, Nova has been gone a lot.  Really, you live there doing nothing.....and she is your child!  This just bothers me to no end.

 

I liked Macy's storyline this week.  Ryan was just too funny about Macy, and his interactions with Bentley, etc, were great.  I really like Ryan, when he is being fun Ryan.

 

Farrah is just nuts.  Is there more to say?  I do think Michael is trying harder to stand up to her....last night was one of the first times I saw him stand up for himself, and she did somewhat seem to listen...(at least a little more than she normally does).