Small Talk: The Polygamous Cul-de-Sac

[Teafortwo]

This may be behind a paywall, but I just learned about this dieting cult with a female leader who founded a church (!) (Remnant Church in TN) and the documentary sounds fascinating!

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/07/14/business/media/remnant-fellowship-hbo-max-way-down.html?utm_source=DOC+NYC&utm_campaign=14ac9c40dd-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2018_12_17_07_49_COPY_01&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_d83fd8be6c-14ac9c40dd-269949253&mc_cid=14ac9c40dd&mc_eid=dd73533a0b

In case the above won't load, here are some details from DocNYC's Monday Memo newsletter (info@docnyc.net): "Plane Crash Complicates HBO Max Documentary on Diet-Inspired Church
Nicole Sperling reports at The New York Times: “The diet program brought Ms. Lara fame — through appearances on popular shows like Larry King Live — and fortune, thanks to best-selling books touting her strategies to lose weight. But it also made her a controversial figure, with critics saying Weigh Down focused more on unconventional theology than on healthy eating habits. The documentary examines those issues, along with allegations that the church shunned and even harassed members who wanted to leave and that it functions more as a cult than a traditional religious institution. At the time of the crash, the finishing touches were being put on the series. Suddenly, the filmmakers were faced with a new set of questions. What was the extent of Mr. Lara’s flying experience (he was operating the aircraft), and were his medical records up to date? What would happen to the church now that its founder and leader was dead? (A day after the crash, the church released a statement saying Ms. Lara’s daughter and son ‘intend to continue the dream that Gwen Shamblin Lara had of helping people find a relationship with God.’) And what would happen in the bitter custody case, involving Mr. Lara’s daughter with his ex-wife, which formed a crucial story line in the documentary?”

[Cetacean]

Of course, not being Mormon, I have a problem wrapping my head around how underwear "symbolize a profound connection with God",  But then we've been watching the Browns ineffectual justification of polygamy being such a fab way to live.  

One more whackadoodle Mormon “tennant” (™ Robochin).

 

[Pickleinthemiddle]

11 hours ago, Cetacean said:

Of course, not being Mormon, I have a problem wrapping my head around how underwear "symbolize a profound connection with God",  But then we've been watching the Browns ineffectual justification of polygamy being such a fab way to live.  

One more whackadoodle Mormon “tennant” (™ Robochin).

 

Speaking of the Temple garments, they are a constant reminder of the covenants they made in the temple.  2nd they are when properly worn provides protection against temptation and evil.  Yahoo had an article today about women petitioning the elders to have better fitting and more comfortable garments made.  The material they are made from are not a breathable fabric and as a result many women have constant UTL's and yeast infections, I know TMI.  But they even went on to say that the cut was very uncomfortable to be worn.  That could be the constant reminder to be a good person and resist any and all temptations. 

 

[Cetacean]

1 hour ago, Pickleinthemiddle said:

Speaking of the Temple garments, they are a constant reminder of the covenants they made in the temple.  

I think what makes me roll my eyes is that this kind of crap comes from some old dude "getting a message from god" telling him some new rule.  Somehow I can't buy into a god that dictates underwear mandates.  And it's always the old men that get these "messages" especially those that humiliate and subjugate women. 

[Yeah No]

4 hours ago, Cetacean said:

5 hours ago, Pickleinthemiddle said:

Speaking of the Temple garments, they are a constant reminder of the covenants they made in the temple.  

I think what makes me roll my eyes is that this kind of crap comes from some old dude "getting a message from god" telling him some new rule.  Somehow I can't buy into a god that dictates underwear mandates.  And it's always the old men that get these "messages" especially those that humiliate and subjugate women. 

I couldn't agree more.  I think the spiritual meanings placed on such a practice is well meaning but misplaced because it seems to have been created by misogynists basically to function as a chastity belt.  It may not be so much a real physical barrier as one that works on the mind and conscience of the wearer.

So many of these practices were created by men coming from a completely different mindset from modern people today and so I find it difficult to interpret many of them in ways that would be relevant to us.  It's one of the downfalls of organized religions to continue to adhere to what I consider outdated practices that might have ignited people's faith in older times but just seem to miss the mark today.

It should be possible to find a more updated practice as a reminder of temple covenants, etc. that is more relevant to modern people and doesn't offend and hurt them, especially women, in the process.

All this and I just found out from one of those Mormon genealogy sites that I'm related to all this "Mormon royalty", including Heber Chase Kimball, who is supposedly my 3rd cousin 5 times removed!

Edited July 23, 2021 by Yeah No

[deirdra]

I went to a (virtual) LDS funeral service for a colleague's teenage grandson and other than a few more "we'll see you laters" than Anglican, Lutheran or Presbyterian funerals, it was pretty similar. 

Edited July 24, 2021 by deirdra

[laurakaye]

I finished Big Love...........(spoilers)

 

 

 

 

 

 

WHY DID BILL HAVE TO DIE

(seriously, why end the show that way?  I was ticked).

Beyond that I found so many similarities between the wives on BL and our wacky Sister Wives...the jool'ry business, the recommitment ceremony, raging MLM's, the first wife noping out after Bill married the other wife for the sake of adopting her daughter, etc.  So my question is, are these plot points common in plyg culture?  Or did Kody watch the show, notebook in hand, and decide that he was going to be the Bill Henderson of Lehi?  Because Bill was a lot more involved with his family than Kody ever was, even though he was a massive tool at times.  I guess in that respect they had a lot in common.

[xwordfanatik]

I hated the ending, too.  I agree that Kootie watched it, took notes, and sales-pitched the family to the TLC network.

[iwantcookies]

I saw an ad for a house that looked as cluttered as Jenelles 

I can’t believe they didn’t clean it up to sell it 

[laurakaye]

Quick question - we are (tentatively) planning a trip to Colorado in a few weeks to visit my son.  Should I be concerned about altitude sickness, and is there anything we can do prior to combat it?  What does it usually feel like?  We land in Denver but then head on up to the resort he works for in the mountains for the first couple of days, then back to Denver for a couple days.  I know someone in here will have the answers! :)

I've never seen the mountains, and we miss our kid, so I'm looking forward to it.

[Cetacean]

24 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

I've never seen the mountains, and we miss our kid, so I'm looking forward to it.

The mountais are just breathtaking.

I am a midwesterner and have never had any issues with atltitude sickness in the Rockies.  I am, however, not a mountain climber so I don't get much higher than the road can take me a and a short hike from a parking lot.  So maybe others can chime in.

[Pickleinthemiddle]

17 minutes ago, Cetacean said:

The mountais are just breathtaking.

I am a midwesterner and have never had any issues with atltitude sickness in the Rockies.  I am, however, not a mountain climber so I don't get much higher than the road can take me a and a short hike from a parking lot.  So maybe others can chime in.

The only thing I've heard is to not over do it.  To take it easy the first few days you are in the mountains.

[deirdra]

You will start acclimating as you drive up to the resort from Denver and probably will not notice anything different standing or sitting around with your son.  You will if you walk long distances or hike uphill at your usual midwestern pace.

You'll be closer to the sun, so drink plenty of water and wear a hat.

I now live at 3650', but the first time I flew here, from sea level, I did get tired faster the first couple of days, but was trying to keep up with fitter guys who liked to go fast, then rest, and repeat.  I have since learned a breathing technique that helps to prevent hyperventilation (too-fast shallow-breathing that can make you feel light-headed or nauseous, or make your lungs feel like they are burning), especially on steep inclines - breathe in slowly counting 1-1000, 2-1000, 3-1000, 4-1000, taking one step at each count, then breathe out and step on the same count of four.  Keep a slow, steady pace that feels good to you. Slow down more if it doesn't. This also works well for climbing stairs in skyscrapers or lighthouses.

 

 

Edited August 9, 2021 by deirdra

[Ms.Lulu]

9 hours ago, laurakaye said:

Quick question - we are (tentatively) planning a trip to Colorado in a few weeks to visit my son.  Should I be concerned about altitude sickness, and is there anything we can do prior to combat it?  What does it usually feel like?  We land in Denver but then head on up to the resort he works for in the mountains for the first couple of days, then back to Denver for a couple days.  I know someone in here will have the answers! :)

I've never seen the mountains, and we miss our kid, so I'm looking forward to it.

It really depends on the individual.  When I go to Colorado I get a nosebleed for the first few days.  I am a flatlander originally from New England.  I do best a sea level..

[CalicoKitty]

I moved from essentially sea level to an elevation of 4700 feet, and I hit 8000 feet when I drive back to California.  I have never had any problem.  Do wear a hat and sun screen, as you are closer to the sun.  And use plenty of hand lotion and chap stick. Drink lots of water.  But as long as you are not planning a long bike ride or a hike, you should be fine.  (I passed a guy today that was "bike riding"--only the bike had NO seat.  He was standing the entire time that he was pedaling.  And he was out in the country, so he was apparently on a long "ride".  I have never seen any bike like that before.  He must have legs of steel.)

[laurakaye]

Thanks, I feel better now, lol. :)  I don't think we'll do much hiking - I think I would be perfectly content to find a place to sit and just stare at the mountains for hours.  We're going to try to visit Garden of the Gods, do a train tour, and just drive around and look at things we don't get to see in Michigan.

[Cetacean]

16 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

We're going to try to visit Garden of the Gods, do a train tour, and just drive around and look at things we don't get to see in Michigan.

I went to Garden of the Gods many years ago when camping in Colorado.  A guy saw the MI license plate and came over to chat - ended up he was the fire chief from Royal Oak, my home town at the time! Small world indeed.

[TurtlePower]

19 hours ago, laurakaye said:

Quick question - we are (tentatively) planning a trip to Colorado in a few weeks to visit my son.  Should I be concerned about altitude sickness, and is there anything we can do prior to combat it?  What does it usually feel like?  We land in Denver but then head on up to the resort he works for in the mountains for the first couple of days, then back to Denver for a couple days.  I know someone in here will have the answers! :)

I've never seen the mountains, and we miss our kid, so I'm looking forward to it.

I lived at 10,000 feet after coming from around 700 feet. It was an adjustment—if you’re up there for more than a day, you may feel it (but hopefully not). Elevation sickness is a terrible, pounding headache, shortness of breath, potential nosebleed and nausea. It can take a couple weeks to adjust and months for the body to become efficient. 

We treated a lot of people in Yellowstone with elevation sickness. Oxygen perked them right up but the only actual fix is to go lower. Also, older folks were more likely to have cardiac issues at higher elevation. 

Lots of places sell oxygen in little bottles now—Big 5 even has it. Bring one along just in case; it isn’t much, but it can help get you through to lower elevation if you get really sick. 

Good luck and hopefully it won’t bother you too much! 

[laurakaye]

One more question, lol - sorry but I knew there would be a wealth of information here.

We are flying into Denver and we were going to head right to Keystone (10,800 elevation) and then finish in Denver (5200).  Now I am thinking of switching that up and staying in Denver first for a couple of days and then heading to the higher ground.  Yay?  Nay?  Smart?  Am I overthinking this like I do with everything else in my life?  (Don't answer that part, I already know.). 😜

Much appreciated, folks.  I just don't want to see my son for the first time in a year and feel too lousy to do anything.  

[Cetacean]

24 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

Now I am thinking of switching that up and staying in Denver first for a couple of days and then heading to the higher ground.  Yay?

Yay.  Get acclimated slowly.

[Absolom]

17 hours ago, CalicoKitty said:

(I passed a guy today that was "bike riding"--only the bike had NO seat.  He was standing the entire time that he was pedaling.  And he was out in the country, so he was apparently on a long "ride".  I have never seen any bike like that before.  He must have legs of steel.)

I have a neighbor with one of those.  He rides the neighborhood three or four times around every morning early.  I did a triple take the first morning I saw him.  

[skipnjump]

Just to add to the Colorado discussion, my brother and his family live in the Boulder/Denver area and they have been having Air Quality Alerts due to the smoke from the wildfires, so that is something to keep in mind.  The air is definitely drier out there and I found that bringing some saline nasal spray really helped my nose not get so dry.  It is beautiful out there.  Have a great trip!

[Rabbit Hutch]

On 8/11/2021 at 5:13 AM, skipnjump said:

Just to add to the Colorado discussion, my brother and his family live in the Boulder/Denver area and they have been having Air Quality Alerts due to the smoke from the wildfires, so that is something to keep in mind.  The air is definitely drier out there and I found that bringing some saline nasal spray really helped my nose not get so dry.  It is beautiful out there.  Have a great trip!

Just got back from a vacation in Vail.  We stay out West and are in and around the Denver area during the summers.  The particulates from the wildfires have us running around with runny noses and watery eyes this year, so thats something to keep in mind.  😉

[xwordfanatik]

I just saw on Reddit that Amazon Prime is airing a four-part series about LuLaNo, starting Sept. 10.  

[Gramto6]

Challenged here, don't know how to get the post here.

Re Toe nails I am a T2 diabetic very well controlled, but I am beginning to have trouble cutting my toe nails. My late DH also a T2 would insist on cutting his own nails.  You could follow the red dots on the floor from the tips of his bleeding toes. Finally got him to a podiatrist and that helped. But the sucker made no adjustment to his charges when DH had one leg amputated.

That bad experience has soured me on podiatrists, but I think I need to find one...

[Yeah No]

1 hour ago, SunnyBeBe said:

Ref. Toenails.  I recently took my dad for a visit to a podiatrist.  Turns out insurance is really picky about coverage.  They don’t cover anything considered cosmetic. Daddy needed his nails trimmed and buffed. One had grown incorrectly.   So, daddy paid out of pocket.  Not much choice, as you sit with your bare feet out.  I asked the doctor about nail salons….spas…..well, he said it’s risky.  Even before covid.  And totally not for me as a type I diabetic.  I’m doing my own nails, but I’m not so great at it.  

That's ridiculous.  A lot of elderly people can't trim their own toenails and have to go to the podiatrist to have it done and they don't get told it's "cosmetic".  My own parents used to do it regularly after a certain age and never paid out of pocket.  I think it depends on how the doctor's office codes the procedure as to how the insurance companies treat it.  They have to code it so it shows up as medically necessary or the insurance companies will charge for it.  If you can't reach your toes it's not cosmetic!  It really pisses me off that doctor's offices routinely make mistakes in coding and insurance companies will knowingly get out of something that should be obvious is not cosmetic.  So if I were you and/or your father, I'd contact the doctor's office to complain about it.  Obviously he's going to need this done on a regular basis so paying for it would add up.

[lindalouwho]

As a diabetic, medicare should pay for three visits to a podiatrist  a year. Check with your health carrier. Or, do what I do and get a pedicure once a month. About as expensive, and my feet look pretty afterwards! Ten years and no problems, knock wood.

Edited August 17, 2021 by lindalouwho

[ginger90]

Sometimes it’s as easy as getting a referral by your primary doctor to have it covered by insurance. Sometimes…..

[TurtlePower]

6 hours ago, lindalouwho said:

As a diabetic, medicare should pay for three visits to a podiatrist  a year. Check with your health carrier. Or, do what I do and get a pedicure once a month. About as expensive, and my feet look pretty afterwards! Ten years and no problems, knock wood.

You guys would totally hate my feet. I can’t even get a pedicure, I’m missing toenails on my pinkie toes and I’ve broken so many toes (longtime runner/hiker/klutz), my feet aren’t worth bothering with. I also have wicked callouses from running—if I don’t, I get blisters. 

I wear sandals anyways and hope people don’t stare at my feet. They certainly aren’t pretty. My husband has prettier feet than I do! 

[lookeyloo]

Funny story about feet - my grandma was born in 1899 in Russia.  Back in the day shoes were not bought for size and also there were just shoes, no left or right feet.  She wore whatever she could get.  She came here when she was 6 and they were poor.  So over the years we used to look at her feet with toes going every which way.  She went to a "chiropodist" back then as they were called.  She used to get manicures on her hands regularly, but, her feet were something to contend with. When she put weight on her feet, her toes hung out in the air.  She only wore old lady oxfords and some special sandals she paid a lot of money for.

[SunnyBeBe]

I’m making an appointment soon.  I have a couple of issues that aren’t cosmetic.   

[xwordfanatik]

1 hour ago, lookeyloo said:

Funny story about feet - my grandma was born in 1899 in Russia.  Back in the day shoes were not bought for size and also there were just shoes, no left or right feet.  She wore whatever she could get.  She came here when she was 6 and they were poor.  So over the years we used to look at her feet with toes going every which way.  She went to a "chiropodist" back then as they were called.  She used to get manicures on her hands regularly, but, her feet were something to contend with. When she put weight on her feet, her toes hung out in the air.  She only wore old lady oxfords and some special sandals she paid a lot of money for.

My grandma was also born in Russia, in 1900.  I know she came to the US very young, and I'm sure she never had a manicure or pedicure, as my mother grew up poor (Sear's catalog served as TP, and they had an outhouse.)  I didn't know there was such a thing as a chiropodist.  

Mr. X is a disabled veteran, and even with a prescription from his VA practitioner, visits to a podiatrist were not covered by insurance.  I guess it really is hit or miss.

[Sandy W]

Further to Gramto6 on the Thrive with Janelle site....

I didn't need it as Mr. Sandy was able to fill the void, but where I live, the government sponsors a program called Community Cares.  It's designed to give assistance to someone in your circumstance.  They will do grocery shopping, drive you to doctor's appointments, maybe even light housekeeping (not sure about that) they also have mobility equipment for loan if you need it.  You may want to check with your doctor to see if anything similar is available if you do decide to proceed with the surgery.  Good Luck!  xo

 

[CalicoKitty]

Not sure if this is possible for you, but I used to take my dad (and his walker) to the local nail salon to have his nails cut.  They would take care of him as soon as we walked in, and charged a nominal fee.  I would make an appointment just for a nail cut, and. we would be out of there very quickly.  I usually did make an appointment rather than "walk in" because I thought  we would do better without having to wait.  He could not speak, and was not very steady even with his walker, and the staff was always very nice.

[Meowwww]

On 8/17/2021 at 7:58 AM, TurtlePower said:

You guys would totally hate my feet. I can’t even get a pedicure, I’m missing toenails on my pinkie toes and I’ve broken so many toes (longtime runner/hiker/klutz), my feet aren’t worth bothering with. I also have wicked callouses from running—if I don’t, I get blisters. 

I wear sandals anyways and hope people don’t stare at my feet. They certainly aren’t pretty. My husband has prettier feet than I do! 

Ugly feet here too, and huge.  I don’t get pedicures because I’m too ticklish.  I’ve tried a few times and had to strongly resist kicking the pedicurist’s hands away. 
I paint my toenails.  I’m 50 now and I have one thick toenail.  Gross I know.  Why am I sharing this lol. 
My mom had macular degeneration and couldn’t see to do her toenails.  She went to a salon.  The night she died, I was so sad about how long her toenails were. She was one who always had her fingernails and toenails polished to perfection. 

Edited September 1, 2021 by Meowwww

[SunnyBeBe]

On 8/10/2021 at 3:42 PM, laurakaye said:

One more question, lol - sorry but I knew there would be a wealth of information here.

We are flying into Denver and we were going to head right to Keystone (10,800 elevation) and then finish in Denver (5200).  Now I am thinking of switching that up and staying in Denver first for a couple of days and then heading to the higher ground.  Yay?  Nay?  Smart?  Am I overthinking this like I do with everything else in my life?  (Don't answer that part, I already know.). 😜

Much appreciated, folks.  I just don't want to see my son for the first time in a year and feel too lousy to do anything.  

I was curious how your trip turned out..elevation and all.  
 

I made the appointment with the podiatrist.  He’s with Duke…board certified.  A very interesting man…he’s also a licensed attorney!  Only practices medicine though.  And, he plays hockey for fun!  Sounds like a character.  

[iwantcookies]

It’s raining cats and dogs in NYC! 
 

 

I practically swam home lol

Edited September 2, 2021 by iwantcookies

[Yeah No]

3 hours ago, iwantcookies said:

It’s raining cats and dogs in NYC! 
 

 

I practically swam home lol

It's a deluge here right now in CT.  I can't sleep when the rain is pounding that hard on the roof.  Just hoping that our normally dry house stays that way....We live on a hill with good drainage and no basement so we usually have no problem but this is a LOT of rain.  Can't wait until it passes.  We have had more rain in a month than we usually get in a year!  Meanwhile last year we had a drought and I knew people that ran out of well water!

Today will have been my Dad's 94th birthday so he will be on my mind.  The time is going by so fast, I can't believe it.

[Ms.Lulu]

A parent is going to a COVID hotspot to collect the body of my sibling.  The sibling abused alcohol and their organs shut down.  I come from a family of alcohol abusers--my dead sibling plus my mother and another sibling (the second sibling is now sober).  

I was asked to go and I said no.  I spoke with my therapist and she said absolutely the wrong thing to do.  Her advice, offer to make arrangements or to send money.  Your parent no longer gets to decide what you can or should do.  There are other possible companions (other children/their spouses, friends, etc).

I feel terrible about saying no, but with COVID, my own health issues, and the prospect of being with a verbally abusive parent in a high stress situation, I don't see another option.

It feels like a selfish survival mode.  And it is the only one I have.  2021 has not been a better year than 2020.

Edited September 6, 2021 by Ms.Lulu

[SunnyBeBe]

30 minutes ago, Ms.Lulu said:

A parent is going to a COVID hotspot to collect the body of my sibling.  The sibling abused alcohol and their organs shut down.  I come from a family of alcohol abusers--both my mother and my other sibling (the sibling is now sober).  

I was asked to go and I said no.  I spoke with my therapist and she said absolutely the wrong thing to do.  Her advice, offer to make arrangements or to send money.  Your parent no longer gets to decide what you can or should do.  There are other possible companions (other children/their spouses, friends, etc).

I feel terrible about saying no, but with COVID, my own health issues, and the prospect of being with a verbally abusive parent in a high stress situation, I don't see another option.

It feels like a selfish survival mode.  And it is the only one I have.  2021 has not been a better year than 2020.

Oh, Ms.LuLu, I’m so sorry for your loss!  This must be so difficult.  Please find peace with your decision. It sounds like it’s very wise and the right thing to do.  No one should judge you.  We do the best we can based on our situation. It’s important to use precautions and that is a very unselfish thing to do.  🙏💐

[Teafortwo]

10 hours ago, Ms.Lulu said:

I feel terrible about saying no, but with COVID, my own health issues, and the prospect of being with a verbally abusive parent in a high stress situation, I don't see another option.

It feels like a selfish survival mode.  And it is the only one I have.

FWIW, I agree with your therapist. It sounds to me like it's self-preservation (physical and mental) - not selfishness. Good for you for saying no!

[Meowwww]

Has anyone noticed how ugly people are lately?  It was a weird day at work with people being so mean. 

[Teafortwo]

2 minutes ago, Meowwww said:

Has anyone noticed how ugly people are lately?  It was a weird day at work with people being so mean. 

Ugly behavior, yes! It's awful. I have to check myself to not get into it with anyone. We've all lost our minds. 

I spent a lot of time last weekend watching "The White Lotus." Highly recommend!!

[Yeah No]

12 hours ago, Ms.Lulu said:

A parent is going to a COVID hotspot to collect the body of my sibling.  The sibling abused alcohol and their organs shut down.  I come from a family of alcohol abusers--both my mother and my other sibling (the sibling is now sober).  

I was asked to go and I said no.  I spoke with my therapist and she said absolutely the wrong thing to do.  Her advice, offer to make arrangements or to send money.  Your parent no longer gets to decide what you can or should do.  There are other possible companions (other children/their spouses, friends, etc).

I feel terrible about saying no, but with COVID, my own health issues, and the prospect of being with a verbally abusive parent in a high stress situation, I don't see another option.

It feels like a selfish survival mode.  And it is the only one I have.  2021 has not been a better year than 2020.

Ms. Lulu, I agree with the others.  Rest assured that most therapists would support you in your decision.  These are high stress times.  Whenever I get down on myself that I haven't done certain things I try to remember that sometimes the best option is to say "no".  It's what's in your heart that counts.  The departed would know that and who cares what anyone that would bring you so much anxiety would think about your choice anyway?

[Yeah No]

41 minutes ago, Meowwww said:

Has anyone noticed how ugly people are lately?  It was a weird day at work with people being so mean. 

Yeah, I agree with Tea, everybody's lost their minds.  I've been in my little shell lately but I've been avoiding the nastiness out there and the news as much as possible.  My own little "survival mode".

[Ms.Lulu]

Thank you to everyone.  This place always makes me feel better.

[Cetacean]

20 hours ago, Ms.Lulu said:

I feel terrible about saying no, but with COVID, my own health issues, and the prospect of being with a verbally abusive parent in a high stress situation, I don't see another option.

I remember the "Trust No One" poster from The X Files.  Only you can make decisions about yourself and your health so there is no need to apologize or agonize over it.  These days, when so many care so little about their fellow man, we can only count on ourselves to do what is necessary to stay well.

[SunnyBeBe]

I’ve made decisions about safety precautions lately and while they might not go over well with some of my friends or family members, I stand firm.  I read, research, consult with my doctor and use my best judgment, so I’m confident that I’m right.  Those who oppose me are generally people who don’t watch news or read. They live in denial and don’t put their health as a priority.  So, they don’t care about mine either.  My mother is very timid about speaking her mind on it, but I don’t mind at all.  My survival instincts are strong and I won’t apologize for it.  If anyone should feel guilty, it’s them, not me.   

[Yeah No]

11 hours ago, SunnyBeBe said:

I’ve made decisions about safety precautions lately and while they might not go over well with some of my friends or family members, I stand firm.  I read, research, consult with my doctor and use my best judgment, so I’m confident that I’m right.  Those who oppose me are generally people who don’t watch news or read. They live in denial and don’t put their health as a priority.  So, they don’t care about mine either.  My mother is very timid about speaking her mind on it, but I don’t mind at all.  My survival instincts are strong and I won’t apologize for it.  If anyone should feel guilty, it’s them, not me.   

After my father died last April I never had any memorial gathering for him, not even an online one.  I sometimes feel like I should have for the people that knew and loved him (all of whom are friends, we really had no close family left).  I'm sure they really would have liked one, but I never felt completely safe about doing so nor up to the logistical and emotional challenge of putting one together.  The ideal places for it on the list of those he loved were all indoors and didn't have any outdoor setting to hold such an event.  I even looked for outdoor settings at other places in that area and that was hard to find believe it or not.  So I just never did it. 

No one has judged me for it but I know certain people wish I would do it.  I don't really even think there is a right or wrong decision in this situation.  Nobody is more unhappy about it than I am but I am not willing to do things that I don't feel comfortable doing.  There were probably a few short weeks in June and July that we could have done something indoors but who had a crystal ball to know when that was going to happen and how long it would last?  I wasn't up to dealing with all the factors involved AND pinpointing a date when it felt "safe" for maybe 20 or so people to get together 2 hours from where I live.  I probably would have had less of a problem doing it if there wasn't the pandemic to deal with but add that to all the other stressful factors and I just couldn't.  I still haven't even seen most close friends much less do this.

Speaking of that, a friend I know since Jr. high invited me to her engagement party in Manhattan in October.  I have yet to decline the evite, but I just don't feel up to it or safe about it, and so I'm putting it off but I will have to answer soon.  I haven't seen her for at least 5 years since our last high school reunion.  This is her first marriage at 63 so it's a big deal for her but who knows what the numbers will be like then or whether there will be booster shots?  It will be around the time I'm due for one.  That plus being down in Manhattan at night - I'd probably have to stay in a hotel and that's another big logistical issue, not to mention the expense.  Also, my husband for sure doesn't want to go.  I hate to turn her down because I know she's going to be disappointed, but I really don't feel safe about it or up to it emotionally.  I don't even know when or where the wedding itself will be - probably down South where he's from, so at least I know she can't expect me to go to that.  It sucks because I hate letting her down and I fear that she won't understand and think I'm making excuses.  Oh well, I can't help it if she thinks that.  😞

[SunnyBeBe]

Yeah No, I can relate to several things you address.  My cousin, who was in Memory care, died In November last year.  Most of her family is deceased or elderly and immobile, but I was planning on a Celebration of Life reception at my parents house.  I was planning on photos, refreshments, music, etc. A time to talk about her and what she meant to us.    I postponed it until the spring, but then it got too hot for outside, here in the south. Then Delta arrived…..I’m now hoping to do it outside in the spring.  I take flowers to her grave and play her favorite songs on my phone.  I think she understands.  
 

I have a friend who wants me to go with her to two different outdoor concerts. One is next month and one is this week.  I told her that I would read, research and use my best judgment.  She said she would respect my decision.  I hope it’s true.  I don’t think I’ll be attending either event because even though it’s outside, the people are very close together…..and I have type I diabetes.  Also, even though it’s rare….I just read story of a fully vaxxed attorney in my state who just died from covid.   So……